"One to be born from a dragon..." -- Let's Play Final Fantasy II

ragequit.

Seriously though, I love this LP.

My authentic LP experience is ruined.

I never noticed that the parallax scrolling was the floor below until I got to the actual town. For some reason the effect really messed with me, and I didn't like looking at it too much.

EDIT: Did I seriously get ninja'd fourteen minutes ago? I am the worst stealth action protagonist. I really should have checked the preview log.

I was about to say I was excited for the next update because I couldn't remember what it was (!) but then I did remember and there were some obvious reasons I blocked that shit out.

Brick it's nice to see you back and doing what God made you to do, which is play Final Fantasy games for us.

I've always loved the Cure4 animation, too, and it is yet another great illustration of why FFIV has the best HP numbers ever with their little bounce. It's like Cure 4 is absolutely exploding with healing power as the four digits settle into place.

Between Cure4 and Virus this game's spell animations are boss.

...Hoosier?

Er, yeah. That's what I meant to write but somehow left out a bunch of words.

The big advantage, IIRC, is that Conjurers will always summon the same enemy in a given formation, so if you're trying to get the rare summons you can just farm a hundred or so Imps (or, if this were FFIVa, Mist Krakens (Mind Flayer) and Mist Eagles (Cockatrice)) from them to try and brute force the game into dropping it. It's the only way I've ever been able to teach Rydia the spells with any expediency.

The chests on lower levels always looking open used to drive me nuts, thinking I must be missing treasure SOMEWHERE.

I always thought this town was seriously neat. How often do you get to meet the spells you've been casting? yes chocb it's weird that you can talk

Also! I stumbled across this thing.
Could it be?

Back then? Almost never. Pretty much just token "fight me and I'll join you" dialogues with summons before FF4. After? It's more likely than you'd think. Although being able to have conversations with your summons or summons-to-be whenever you want remains a bit rare, there's been quite a bit more of the general "let's chat with the god-beasts we call to fight for us" going on in RPGs since FF4's Land of Summoned Monsters.

Though I will admit that few (if any) RPGs since then have added the ability to actually visit any sort of "land of summoned monsters"...

ThricebornPhoenix ruined the secret, ultra-special, 100% completion, xbox achievement super-ending!

I'm confused. If everybody in Star Trek is constantly getting healed, then why do so many people the movie die?

And this is even more ridiculous. With all this healing going on, the Titanic should have stayed afloat!

If he's really the Master of summoned monsters, shouldn't his attack pattern be full of summons? The game has already thrown a water elemental boss with ocean waves at us. Wouldn't a boss that constantly summons, and uses a variety of them, be more thematically appropriate for this dungeon/town?

But that boss wouldn't be Leviatan.

I know it's been like two years since I wrote that update, but Leviatan is already an established character in the game world, and Rydia has already identified him as the king of summoned monsters. It's okay for a game to have two water bosses. (This one actually has three!)

It's fine to have multiple water bosses, but this game doesn't have a single proper anti-summoner boss fight. Some come close, such as those against Rydia, Golbez, Alert and Conjurer. They even show that the engine is up to it, but they don't take the concept as far as it could go, and I don't recall the later FFs having a full anti-summoner fight either. I'm not really dissatisfied with FF2, just imagining what could have been, if not in this game, then at some point in the series.

Another thing is that after the game makes the whole hullabaloo about the death of a summon causing the death of a summoner, these summon battles should have a disclaimer about how this is a challenge and not a fight to the death for the monster (although it is still a fight to the death for the player). Or... maybe these fights do kill the previous summoner! Maybe each monster can serve only one master? Does Mist Village get even lonelier after these fights?

Pretty sure it only causes summoner death if the monster dies during a summon. If the monster is living its life normally and gets into some trouble, the summoner probably just discovers that spell slot doesn't do anything anymore.

FFX is peppered with them.

Theoretically part of the last boss fight of FF8 can also be that, depending on how you decide to fight it. Not that anyone in the history of ever is still using GFs by disc 4, mind you.

If you're doing a crazy lowball, no real junctioned magic run, yeah they come in handy. Ulty likes to prioritize nuking GFs over anything else, so you can sac a GF to get your party healed back up or get some other damage in.

I just had to break lurker status in this thread to say WOOHOO!!! I'm happy to see another update! Brick, keep on working your magic whenever you can - I'll keep reading it.

I suppose while I'm not lurking I'll note that I also enjoyed the "see the next floor" graphic trick in the Cave of Summoned Monsters. I think it took me until my late teenage years to put it together that it was the actual next floor and not miniaturized or parallaxed in some way.

'Cause you get a great big number at the end.

Eden's decent if you boost it all the way (and it's not like that's hard). Not broken, but on part with other powerful stuff I could see someone using by the end.

I gotta say, I'm pretty disappointed with youse guys's Photoshop output as of late. I don't even know that you deserve another update. Well, okay, we'll call this one a freebie. But you animals had better make with the funny, or there's no telling how many hiatuses I'll take.



♪♪ Into the Darkness ♪♪

Welcome to the Sealed Cave. Alas, FF2 did not arrive early enough in my game-playing career to pop my Sealed Cave cherry. It was beaten to the punch on the NES by a fun little action RPG called Crystalis. Aside from having an early dungeon called the Sealed Cave, which you broke into by starting up a nearby windmill, Crystalis's claim to fame was having kickass Zelda-style gameplay and a protagonist with hair so purple it practically hurt. In honor of that, my very first Sealed Cave, this update comes at you in The End Day Purple.


So, like, is there a keyhole, or...?


Yeah, no, that makes more sense. That's about what I was expecting.

The Sealed Cave is famous for three reasons. First, it's probably the most arduous dungeon in FF2. The random encounters here are relentless, and there are multiple forced fights against one of the most brutal monsters in the game. Only a well-prepared (or over-leveled) party stands a chance here.

Second, the whole dungeon is skippable if you use the Dark Crystal glitch I mentioned back in Chapter the Ninth. Only cowardly nancy-boys would be so weak-willed, though.


And third, the cave is filled with gaps that have to be navigated by tightrope. Whee!!

Note, again, that the tired ol' cave tileset is being put to more clever use than simply swapping the palette. The Sealed Cave is all about navigating narrow walkways, jagged cliffs and precarious ledges. It's like the whole thing is being gobbled up by a gargantuan sinkhole.


♪♪ Fight 1 ♪♪

HA HA HA OH GOOD, BATS AGAIN.

Like I was just saying, just this morning, golly gee but it's been a long time since I've seen that Vampire animation! I sure hope I get the chance to sit through it fifty thousand more times!


♪♪ Into the Darkness ♪♪

You may think this is just a random Life potion, good for nothing but another tired "get a life!" joke, but really it's a portent of things to come. Because, see...


...every door in the Sealed Cave is actually a man-eating trap from the deepest bowels of hell.


♪♪ Fight 1 ♪♪

TrapDoors only do one thing: kill you until you are dead. They zero in on a target by using Search, and then obliterate that target a few moments later by using Disrupt.


There's no way to dodge or out-race Disrupt, so you'll be reviving at least one hero every time you fight a TrapDoor. And the dungeon is packed with them.


If you don't deal enough damage quickly enough, the TrapDoor will eventually transform into another monster entirely. These are (mostly) pulled from the random encounter list, which means you might end up eating some high-level magic damage before you win.

It's all a vast conspiracy to repeatedly kill your heroes while constantly draining Rosa's MP reserves. Coming here without stacks of Life potions, and more than a couple Ethers, is not advised.


♪♪ Into the Darkness ♪♪

But, as always, there are treasures to collect! The Long Sword is five point boost over Edge's Mute Dagger. And let's face it... we weren't getting a lot of use out of that Mute functionality anyway. It's better for everyone this way.

♪♪ Fight 1 ♪♪

Fortunately, there's a pretty hassle-free way to destroy TrapDoors. The idea is to let them go ahead and Disrupt someone -- they act too quickly to prevent this -- and then have Rosa cast Wall on whichever hero gets Search'd next.


Disrupt will bounce off the Wall, killing the TrapDoor instantly. No muss, no fuss. You'll still have to revive someone, but hey, that's what all those Life potions are for, yeah?


HA HA HA THEY NEVER GET OLD. THEY JUST NEVER DO.

Unlike TrapDoors, there is no quick and dirty way to kill these swarms of bats. By the time Rydia gets around to using whatever mop-up spell you command her to use, each were Bat will have been able to use Vampire twice. (Three times, if you're stuck in a Back Attack.) It's almost like one guy designed the TrapDoors to be as annoying as possible, and then a second guy came and figured out a neat exploit,a nd then the first guy came back and got pissed and said, "Oh yeah? We'll just see about that."


♪♪ Into the Darkness ♪♪

Most of the Cure2s I've been stockpiling throughout the game get used in this dungeon, too, since I have to replenish around 1000 HPs after each TrapDoor victory. If the dungeon were just TrapDoors and Were Bats I could just run around with everyone in critical condition, but then a single Mantcore would be able to deliver a Game Over with its Blaze attack.


Not every TrapDoor is blocking your path. In fact, most of them are just blocking these little optional side rooms. And, as you can see, not all those side rooms are worth exploring. What the hell is this, some kind of closet?


The TrapDoor next door is an empty cubby hole, too!

Still, it's worth fighting the TrapDoors even if you know which ones you can skip. They're worth like thousands of EXP and can be killed without lifting a finger, so why not?


No matter how you slice it, there is no way to get through this dungeon without sucking down lots and lots of potions. You can have Rosa get everyone back up using White Magic, but you'll need to keep feeding her Ether1s to stay on top of things. (You may need to do that anyway, considering Wall is 40 MP a pop.)


Okay, see, regular tightropes are dangerous enough, but that one clearly isn't even attached to anything

"Brick! Those aren't tightropes at all, silly! They're just regular ropes, hanging vertically, and you're climbing between ledges of different elevation!"

Hmm... yeah, okay, I can see that I guess. Kind of hard to tell in a 2d game, though. We'd need some kind of 3d remake to settle the question definitively, and come on, a 3d remake of this game would be a pretty egregious waste of resources, wouldn't you agree? This game needs a 3d makeover about as much as it needs New Game +.


FFFFfffff-- well, okay, at least they're not Were Bats. Let's cut to the chase and just see what's behind each door, shall we?


♪♪ Fanfare ♪♪

Or I would, if some goddamned monsters hadn't got in my way and-- oh, look! Rydia's finally gotten around to learning some high-tier Black Magic.

Black Magic seems redundant on a character who can conjure dragons and sea monsters, and mostly that's true. However, Black Magic comes out faster than Call Magic does. So if you need a way to deal a whole pile of damage to a single target as quickly as possible -- like, say, a TrapDoor decides to Search/Disrupt Rosa, thereby interrupting your Wall strategy -- Ice-3 is the way to get shit done. The *-3 spells also make the three elemental summons obsolete; Ice-3 deals more damage than Shiva, especially to ice-weak targets, in less time and for the same MP cost.

♪♪ Into the Darkness ♪♪

Back to that wall of doors. Hmm... nope! Totally not gettin' tired of seeing that same goddamn image of the tiny, pointless room!


Cecil gets a new sword in the next room, if by "Cecil" you mean "Edge", and by "new sword" you mean "Dart fodder". The Light Sword is a stiff downgrade from both the Defense Sword and the Avenger, so down to the bottom of the inventory it goes.


The next door contains more Dart fodder and some cold, hard cash.


♪♪ Fanfare ♪♪

The next room is empty again, but Edge learns his last Ninja spell en route. Image is the functional equivalent of Blink, except Edge can only target himself with it. It is fairly considerate of him to save Rosa a turn, though.


♪♪ Into the Darkness ♪♪

The next empty room at least has a save point in it, which is fortuitous, because Rosa is in desperate need of a Cabin-induced recharge.


Edge doesn't need a second Long Sword, but that Ninja Hat is good for a single measly point of Defense.


Phew, that takes care of the Hallway of Infinite Doors. Surely that's the end of this floor, yes?


Son of a bitch.


♪♪ Fight 1 ♪♪

Son of a bitch.


This is where Ice-3 -- and all that Wis.-boosting equipment we've been stacking on Rydia's green, slender frame -- comes in handy. It commonly connects for over 5000 damage, which is enough to either kill a TrapDoor outright, or at least bring it within reach of Cecil or Edge's swords. Not quite the clean victory Rosa's Wall spell buys you, but it's just about as quick.


♪♪ Into the Darkness ♪♪

The next few boxes help replenish my still-dwindling potion supply. It's pretty rare to see a treasure box right in the middle of your path; usually you have to walk at least a few tiles out of your way.


Note: initiating a TrapDoor battle from the side doesn't do anything to change the underwhelming contents of the room beyond.

At this point it's just business as usual. Ho hum. Say, aren't there any more kickass tightropes in this dungeon?


Aw yeah. That's the stuff.


♪♪ Fanfare ♪♪

Aw yeah. That's the stuff, too.

For some reason, Lit-3 is still about five levels away. Come to think of it, Lit-2 was the last *-2 spell Palom learned, back in the day. I wonder who was in charge of determining the arbitrary order of elemental spell acquisition? It's not like one is more powerful than the others. Why not just get me the set of three all at once? Or at least on three consecutive levels?


Wait, you mean a door that is also a trap? I'll believe it when I see it!


I want to know whose storeroom this is. What could possibly be in these crates that merits the amount of security they have? They're in a room that is (1) guarded by a door with teeth, in the middle of a (2) dungeon that can only be opened with (3) a magical, proprietary key.

Alas, this question must remain unanswered. Whatever's in these boxes, and whomever put them here, they are of no use to Kain, who simply ignores them.


Save point #2. Told ya this dungeon was long. This must be the pre-boss save point, though, which means we've seen the last of the TrapDoors. Yay!


Hmm... which tightrope to take? Decisions, decisions...


The answer, of course, is neither. Since both tightropes trail off into space, you just walk around the narrow edge of the room to the stairs.

(But you can totally dick around on the tightropes if you want to. You know, just for fun. Nobody would hold that against you.)


OH COME ON.


♪♪ Prelude ♪♪

One final TrapDoor in the can, and the prize is ours! The last of the Dark Crystals -- the only crystal in the world not already in Golbez's grasp -- is ours for the taking.

Did you forget this story was mostly about crystals? Because I have to admit that I kind of did too.

In any case, we're done here. Time to Exit out! Rosa, bring that yellow spinny goodness, if you please!

Huh. Exit is blocked for some reason. Makes sense, I guess. We haven't fought the boss yet, and bosses are notorious for emitting Exit-blocking pheremones.


♪♪ Run! ♪♪

...the fuck? Another crushing-wall trap? Oh hell no. Not this time, motherfucker.


That's for the twins, you filthy piece of shit!


The EvilWall is not a gimmick fight, but it is a timed one. It will slowly advance across the screen, occasionally stopping to deal a pittance of physical damage to one of your heroes. If it gets too far it will begin spamming an unblockable instant-death attack, to signify your party being crushed into a fine paste.


Like most bosses, EvilWall is vulnerable to Slow. It does counter White and Black Magic with Petrify, but that's just trivia; in the time it takes one of your heroes to slowly turn to stone, the fight will have already advanced to the "rapidly getting Crushed to death" phase.

No, the way to deal with this boss is to pile as much damage onto the floor in front of it as quickly as possible. This is the kind of battle Edge is tailor made for. The Light Sword, the Mute Dagger, that spare Long Sword, that Ninja Star... all of these can be Dart'd for massive damage. Rydia can take the fight the rest of the way by casting Levia at every opportunity. Kain and Cecil don't really get to do much but stand in silent awe at how far behind they're lagging in pure damage output.


Edge and Rydia seem pretty proud of themselves. But see, here's what I don't get: Edge is a bit of a tool and Rydia is at least 85% crybaby. How did they manage to dismantle a moving wall so effortlessly? Back in Baron we had BEARD and KARATE!

I love FF2, but it is not without its glaring, regrettable plot holes. Nothing to do but grin and bear it, I suppose. Oh, and Exit out of the dungeon. Rosa? Spinny yellow goodness?


Still no, huh? Looks like we're hoofin' it.

♪♪ Fanfare ♪♪

Thankfully, TrapDoors stay dead once they've killed themselves, so the trek out is pretty painless. And look! Rydia's not the only one who gets kickass new magic roundabouts the low 40s. Life2 is one of Rosa's most powerful spells, good for reviving a hero and completely topping off their HPs.


Just before reaching the dungeon exit, Kain gets the sudden urge to strip off all his armor. The subject of Kain's scrotum was already covered in considerable depth earlier in the thread, so I won't harp on it too much here.


♪♪ Golbez, Clad in Darkness ♪♪

Oh, come on. There's no way this weak shit is going to fly. Not this time. Right, Kain?

...

...Kain?


Phew. Good to know. Thanks for putting our minds at rest there, buddy. I mean, it's not like I doubted you, or anything? But for a split second I guess I jus--


Ow, fuck! Dude, you just punched me! Right in the face! Which is where I was keeping the fucking Dark Crystal, somehow! Like maybe tucked away in the side of my cheek like a chipmunk!

What the fuck was that for, dude!?


Oh, right, I guess we kind of forgot to fill Edge in on this. See, it turns out Kain is actually some kind of weaselly traitorous douchbag. I mean, it's sort of his thing. You can maybe see how it slipped our minds, right?


Okay, you know what? Golbez deserves to indulge in a bit of trademark villainous laughter here. Have you seen the scorecard recently?


He got Kain back and the last crystal. That's worth two points. Giott is going to be pissed. Oh, and the rest of the world too, I guess.

What was that Golbez was saying about Bab-il being reactivated?


♪♪ Land of Dwarves ♪♪

Yeah, that's... probably not good. In fact, that's pretty much textbook ominous.

At this point you can't re-enter the Tower of Bab-il anymore. (Because I just know you guys were dying for three more updates full of that place.)

♪♪ Giott, the Great King ♪♪

This is like the fifth or sixth time we've had to slink into Giott's chamber to report what horrible failures we are, but I'll be gosh darned if the ol' sport don't always take the news cheerfully. Of course, now that the whole world is proper fucked he has nothing to fall back on but fanciful legends.


Yeah, the Mysidians are pretty big on legends, too! That's, like, the same legend, even! It's written right here, on the one sword in our inventory Edge isn't allowed to Dart at bad guys!

So it looks like the answer is up in Mysidia. But that presents another problem...


Wait... does this mean what I think it means?


♪♪ Hey, Cid! ♪♪

This is the best idea. The very super best.

You know what I love about Cid? You just know he's been laying around for years waiting for some pretense to stick a giant drill on something.

You know what else I love about Cid? Airship remodeling cutscenes.

So far I've resisted the urge to just straight up animate an entire cutscene for you guys. I think I've done a pretty good job getting the story across in still shots, punched up with the odd animation thrown in for emphasis. But there's no way to convey this next scene with words or screenshots. So I decided to go all out...

(And if you haven't been clicking the ♪♪ links, trust me, you want to click this next one.)