"One to be born from a dragon..." -- Let's Play Final Fantasy II

When deciding which characters to cut, remember that the Lord of the Rings movies made Arwen more prominent so that the cast wouldn't be all guys, all the time. Rydia may be ommissible from a strict plot standpoint, but she helps round out the cast and she's the party's link to all those badass monster dudes who can pep up the trailers and be included with Happy Meals.

You could make Kain a lady. Then she and Rosa could have a sassy cat fight.

Make the Land of Summons a hidden location in the Underworld, giving Rydia more of a link to the dwarves.

Here's the Twitter "feed" of Takashi Tokita, FF4's lead designer and the producer of all the FF4 re-releases/sequels. Since he has no tweets on his account I don't know if he'd reply to anybody, but he's done more recent work on the game than Sakaguchi, so we could try asking him in addition to Mistwalker.

FF7 Advent Children kept its 7.

Isn't it already? Or do you mean that it should be a town on the surface of the Underworld, like Tomra?

So then the sexual tension would be that Kainita wants to steal Cecil from Rosa???

The next update doesn't go live until someone draws a 1970s-style movie poster for this idea.

Bonus points for blaxploitation!

Pam Grier

IS

DA SUMMONATRIX

I was going to draw this but then I tried to add blaxploitation and Cecil became Barret, and then Rosa became Barret.

That Kain is a bad mother-
SHUT YOUR MOUTH!

Cecil is already a black (dark) knight. How hard can it be?

If we're going to do blaxsploitation, lets have cecil start as a white knight or paladin and then become a black knight.

From the people who brought you Save the Fire-Breathing Snake BitchLady for Last and The Day the Onions Saved the Earth comes My Lover is a Moonman! (And some Hussy is Trying to Steal Him!)

Edit: Since this is a Brickroad LP, you may substitute the second film, The Day the Onions Saved the Earth, for a game he has LP'd, such as My Pet is a Life Sucking Alien! (at 143% Speed)

...The Sand Ruby isn't a Crystal.

Ooh ooh ooh! Cecil's Crystal gear! That makes 23!
Not Fran? Dang, she leapfrogged straight into crossdressing!

Did...did you propose Final Fantasy IV: The Broadway Musical: The Movie?

*head explodes*

So now FFIV: The Motion Picture is a musical about a black paladin who's a sex machine to all the chicks. And somehow a ninja has still got to show up at the end and throw that spoon at that personification of hatred.
The final boss fight/dance is going to be really difficult to choreograph in its new setting inside a Harlem tenement.

Guys, guys, guys! I've got one word for you:

Bollywood.

"Man, you are straight out of a video game."

FINAL FANTASY IV: DARKEST KNIGHT

CAN CECIL THE DARK KNIGHT AND ROSA THE WHITE MAGE SURVIVE THE FORBIDDEN TASTE OF SWEET JUNGLE LOVE?

FEATURING GOLBEZ AS THE BRUTHAH'S BROTHER

THE TOWN OF MIST IS ABOUT TO E-X-P-L-O-D-E!

I Took My Rosa
On A Saturday Bang
But Is That Girl With You
Yes We're One And The Same

Now I Believe In Class Changes
And A Class Change
Has Happened Tonight

But, If
You're Thinkin'
About My Rosa
It Don't Matter If You're
Black Or White

They Post I'm Wanted
On The Board At The Pub
I Had To Tell Them
I Ain't Fallin' For RUB

And I Told About Command List
An It's True
Either Item
Or I Fight

But, If
You're Thinkin'
About My Rosa
It Don't Matter If You're
Black Or White

I Am Tired Of This Zemus
I Am Tired Of This Stuff
I Am Tired Of Back Attacks
So When The
Going Gets Rough
I Ain't Scared Of
My Brother
I Ain't Scared Of No Sheets
I Ain't Scared Of Nobody
Girl When The
Goin' Gets Mean

[L. T. B. Rap Performance]
Protection
For Parties
And Nations
Causing Grief In
Human Relations
It's A Turf War
On A Lunar Scale
I'd Rather Hear Both Sides
Of The Tale
See, It's Not About Races
Just Places
Faces
Where Your Class
Comes From
Is Where Your Space Is
I've Seen The Bright
Get Duller
I'm Not Gonna Spend
My Life Being A Color

[Cecil]
Don't Tell Me You Agree With Me
When I Saw You Casting Break In My Eye

But, If
You're Thinkin' About My Rosa
It Don't Matter If You're Black Or White

I Said If
You're Joining With
My Party
It Don't Matter If You're Black Or White

I Said If
You're Thinkin' Of
Being My Brother
It Don't Matter If You're
Black Or White

It's Black, It's White
It's Tough For You
To Get By
It's Black, It's White, Whoo

Huh! So this thread exists it turns out! Time to reply to stuff nobody cares about anymore!

Well, SOMEONE has a new sworn enemy it seems! Seriously though, Phantasy Star had it all going on when it came out. In the US, it was briefly the only game in town, as it took a lot less time to bring us "does the breezes know" than "Thou hast defeated the slime!" It was also the first RPG to deliver animated monsters, out-of-engine cutscenes, the new vehicle shuffle (including planet hopping fun)*, a party of characters who have to be introduced one by one, and 3 different commands for talking situationally to random monsters for important info. Nobody else caught up with the bulk of that until... well FF4 really. Sucker was crazy far ahead of its time.

* OK yeah Ultima had a space shuttle, I know.

Personally, I'm not so much impressed that it lets you import your character as in what a crazy huge percentage of your inconsequential on the spot dialog choices are included in that save file carryover. Back when this was a thing it was really just, you know, stats and such.

I'll accept the notion of a lot of people not playing it, but... how the heck can you call FF4 obscure? It's like saying you discovered this weird movie nobody's ever heard of called The Godfather: Part 2.

OK yeah, that's totally crazy talk.

"Hmm... here I am, Mr. Bigshot Producer, we're talking about what we can cut from this time traveling action adventure story... wait, you wanna cut the bit in the future wasteland with the robot and the half naked cave girl fighting dinosaurs? GET THE @#$% OUT OF MY OFFICE! If anything, we've gotta make those bits longer! Maybe have some kinda big robot firing death rays at'em and stomping around all War of the Worlds style... and hey, someone start looking for a young Daryl Hannah who isn't a prude about topless scenes!

"Now let's see... you wanna cut stuff... what else we got? There's the lead here, we've got a princess, and a nerdy girl next door type... wait, WHICH one is the love interest? Yeah we've gotta change that up. He spends the whole flick chasin' the rich bitch and then at the end he ends up with the best friend who helped him the whole time. That's how you handle that sorta thing! What else ya got?

"... a talking frog and an evil wizard? What the hell is this, we're doing sci-fi aren't we? Yeah that's not going to fly. I mean we could have some kinda wisecrackin' CG frog, but that doesn't belong in the same movie as the hot cave girl sex scene. Do I look like George Lucas or something? I know how to do my job!"

Actually, odds are how this would go down is you drop Lucca because the spunky princess thing IS in these days, look at Jerry Bruckheimer's stuff. You have a big long future segment, you have a big long B.C. segment, and then you have a 3rd segment where you basically throw the source material out the window, or at least into a blender to merge it all into one setting that simplifies things a LOT. Robo and Ayla have to show up, they just don't do the whole joining the party/time traveling deal.

Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you know he died 5 years ago, right?

So we're talking about movies now? To be honest, I really don't think a Chrono Trigger movie would be able to get away with editing out Lucca without a majority of the fanbase boycotting it. They'd have the heads of the people behind on a silver platter if such a thing occured.

If anything, I'd think the stuff to do with 12,000 B.C. would be the thing most likely to be cut. Sure, you'd lose the connections various characters and plot elements have to that era, but that stuff could be repurposed in other ways. Make Marle's pendant a space rock that came down with Lavos, turn the Gurus into Gods, etc.

But then again, 12,000 B.C. would make for some nice visual cinematics with the floating islands and architecture and the Blackbird.

Chapter the Second: The Old Man and the Watery Pass


If it seems strange to anyone that King Baron would entrust even so much as a low-level fetch quest to two supposedly renegade knights whose loyalty has been called into question, have no fear! The Package came equipped with a spring-loaded lid that automatically pops open the moment it enters a sleepy backwater hamlet. (This is, of course, purely the realm of fantasy. Modern scientists predict even rudimentary sleepy-hamlet-sensing technology is at least fifty years off.)


Wow. Harsh. And you all know what's coming next: the inevitable logical conclusion of burning down an innocent little mountain village:


Twist that knife, Final Fantasy II. Twist that knife.


The implication here is that the D.Mist from the cave was called by this little girl's mother to defend the Misty Valley. The further implication is that there is some link between Caller and Called, causing one to perish if and when the other does.

This is not only an unnecessary plot contrivance, it's also completely contradicted later in the game. There comes a point where the party gets the opportunity to fight other called monsters, and then stand there agape as the wizards who called them manage to somehow not die. In fact, sometimes they survive to call further monsters!

This really would be a cool little bit of lore if it were expanded upon instead of being dismissed out of hand. As it is, it would be just as much Cecil's fault if this poor woman had died in the blaze. I always wondered if there was supposed to be more to this scenario than there ended up being, but no, what you see is what you get.


When it becomes clear that the king sent them out here to raze the village and execute its inhabitants, Cecil again has second thoughts about his orders. Kain stands his ground and insists upon slaughtering the child. Because Kain is awesome.


"No way! Three unforgivable atrocities per week in the name of king and country is my limit!"

I always thought this little contrivance was unnecessary, too. My read on this scene is that Kain's honor as a dragoon eclipses his loyalty to the king of Baron, and that his intention was to support Cecil in his inevitable mutiny. Honor is a pretty Big Hairy Deal to Kain, and there is no honor in the rape and pillage of innocents. After challenging Cecil's loyalty, Cecil shoves him back and stands his ground -- which is exactly what Kain wanted to see. It was a test. Kain wanted to make sure Cecil really had the gumption to see done what needed doing.

As soon as Cecil passes, Kain does a complete 180. He points out that in order to oppose Baron's strength they will need to join forces with other nations. He also points out that, at some point, they will need to rescue Rosa from Baron's evil clutches. It really feels as though he's given this a lot of serious thought.

Anyone familiar with what happens with Kain later in the story will see where I'm going with this. I won't go anywhere else with it just yet, for the benefit of the .7 readers who haven't played the game, but we'll just keep it in mind for when it becomes important a couple updates from now.


Upon resolving to flee Baron and begin organizing a counter-strike, the question turns to what becomes of this little girl. Kain advocates kidnapping, and advances on her.


The little girl, shockingly enough, wants nothing at all to do with the two burly metal men who burned down her entire world and then had a long conversation in front of her about having murdered her mother.


Wow. That Titan packs a hell of a punch.

Some time later, Cecil comes to in a clearing somewhere near the flashpoint of Titan's earthquake. The little girl is laying unconscious nearby, but Kain is nowhere to be found.


Even having lost his partner in crime, Cecil still plans to flee Baron with the little girl the king so desperately wanted murdered.


♪♪ Main Theme ♪♪

Not that he could turn around and go back, even if he had a mind to; the earthquake cause an epic landslide that crushed half the town and completely sealed the way back. Presumably Kain's lifeless corpse is laying somewhere under tons and tons of loose rock.

Old man dies, little girl lives. Fair trade.

"Jesus, Brickroad! That reference sucked! Kain's not even that old!"


Beyond the Misty Valley is the southern expanse of the vast Damcyan Desert. With nothing better to do and a complete lack of any sort of direction, Cecil treks out into the wilderness to find a small oasis town.


♪♪ Welcome to Our Town! ♪♪

Upon reaching the town of Kaipo, Cecil decides (at last?) that the little girl he's carrying around (in his pocket?) should probably rest in a real bed underneath a real roof. The game automatically walks him to the Inn, where the proprietor of course allows him to stay free of charge.

One of these days I'm going to try showing up at a hotel carrying an unidentified injured child who looks nothing like me, and seeing if they quietly tuck us into a room without payment and without notifying the local authorities. I bet it will go well!


The girl is no more talkative awake than she was asleep. Cecil, of course, should be thanking his lucky stars she's decided to settle on the silent treatment and not, say, conjuring up another otherworldly beast to lay waste to the Inn and everything else within a two-mile radius.


Not for nothing, but this has to be the most awkward and uncomfortable Inn stay in RPG history.


♪♪ Kingdom Baron ♪♪

Oh god dammit! The Innkeeper called the authorities!

...or some Baronian soldiers just happened to be following us, and barged in unannounced.


♪♪ Boss Battle ♪♪

This is a gimmick fight, too, but only kinda-sorta. The Soldiers on the front line will sit there until being directly ordered to attack, at which point they will each take one swing at cecil.


Unfortunately, Baron sent the three puniest Soldiers imaginable to apprehend the badass renegade DKnight. By my reckoning it would take something like forty hits to finally bring Cecil down. That's, like, fourteen rounds of three Soldiers each taking their turn. Cecil, on the other hand, can put a Soldier on the ground in two hits.

It's not exactly a fair fight.


Once his front line is dead, the unnamed Officer picks up his withered, atrophied balls and runs away. If you want to show off you can actually kill the Officer by lobbing some attacks at him while at least one Soldier is still alive. Your reward for doing so is a bunch of extra EXP, but the only person who benefits from that extra EXP is Kain, so it's literally not worth the extra two or three minutes it takes to accomplish.

(I promise to go into more depth about how EXP works in a future update. For now, just take my word for it that Kain, and only Kain, receives EXP from this fight.)

♪♪ Rydia ♪♪

I know you animals are going to gnash and flail for another four or five pages between updates, so here's a homework assignment: come up with a complete list of Final Fantasy tracks more instantly recognizable than this one. You get extra credit for ignoring tracks containing the words "prelude", "fanfare" or "chocobo".

Rydia is one of the first characters in the series to get her very own theme music. Cecil and Rosa kind of do, though their tracks are each more tied to story elements than the characters themselves. Rydia's music, however, is very distinctly hers.

Later entries in the series would go back and forth about whether characters should or should not be defined in part by unique theme music. For my part, I rather like the practice. I think an informal polling of FF fans would reveal that games which make frequent use of character theme music have more beloved casts than ones which don't. FF5 and FF12 are beloved games, but you don't really find people falling over themselves gushing about Galuf or Basch. On the other hand you have FF6 and FF7, whose cast members consistantly top lists of favorite characters in the series. There are some lucky bastards in FF6 who have multiple versions of unique theme music!

So here again do we see a trend introduced in FF2 that would be carried on as the series evolved. Rydia is the character who sets that trend, and I'm hard pressed to think of an FF character more adored than she is.


Oh, uh, by the way, the little girl's name is Rydia, and after she watches Cecil punk a few bitches for her sake she forgives him and joins his party.

~~~


Rydia - Caller

I love Rydia, and hate her. She is one of the strongest, and weakest characters in the game. She's pretty much the definition of a glass cannon, and unfortunately, the "cannon" part often isn't enough to counterbalance the "glass" part.

Command List:

• Fight: lolwut
  
• White: Rydia's allowed the use of rudimentary white magic... just enough to hold the team together until they get a more dedicated white mage. She only advances a few spells into the set, though, and the command is taken from her when she leaves the party.
  
• Black: In addition, Rydia gets access to the entire black magic set as she levels up, starting from a blank slate at L1 all the way up to Nuke and beyond. Of course, she'll never actually use any of that tripe, because...
  
• Call: ...she can also use your standard Final Fantasy summon magic. Of course, when FF2 came out in North America there was no such thing as "summon magic" or even "standard Final Fantasy". Essentially, Rydia calls forth a monster to unleash an attack for her. Early on this ability is limited to chobocos, but later she'll have the help of all manner of ghouls and beasties.

Make no mistake, Rydia can throw damage around like it's going out of style. Her Chocb spell is nice and reliable against the early bosses. Mid-game boss strategies usually revolve around figuring out which of Rydia's monsters can deal the most damage, then summoning that monster as much as possible. What really holds her back are her low HP and MP. The former is too low to keep her alive in several of the tougher late-game fights, and the latter is too low to allow her to cast spells consistently. If you hold her back until you need her you're simply wasting a slot, but there aren't enough Ethers in the game to really put her magic to its fullest effect.

~~~


♪♪ Welcome to Our Town! ♪♪

Tomorrow is a fresh new day. Cecil seems quite enthusiastic about his new job as babysitter.


I flaked out on the Status screen earlier, citing ignorance as to how all the various stats actually work. Now that I have a character worthy of actual examination, though, I thought I'd do my best with it.

First and foremost, Rydia is the only character in the game who joins the group at L1. (That's not strictly true, but the other character who does so is far stronger than the L15-20 party members in the group at the time, so it's not the same situation.) In a sense, she's the only character you actively develop from scratch over the course of the game.

There are five ability scores in FF2:

• Str. determines the character's physical attack power,
• Agil. determines how quickly the character's ATB bar fills up,
• Vit. determines the character's defense and HP advancement,
• Wis. and Will determine the character's affinity for different types of magic; Wis. for black, and Will for white.

On the right side are your derived stats. I've never been clear on how the percentages and multipliers work. I think the game works off of a multi-hit system similar to FF1, where a single attack calculates multiple hits. Which means if Rydia were to use her Fight command, she would get a 40% chance to land a single hit with an attack power of 3.

It's very, very rare for heroes to ever miss with the Fight command in this game, but there's also a large variance in how much damage those attacks will do. This is right in line with FF1. What I believe is happening is that heroes will typically land most of their hits, but miss a few of them, which causes the large variance. It's exceedingly rare for a hero to miss with all of their hits, though, which accounts for the scarcity of outright whiffs.

I cannot speculate as to what, exactly, the Defence and Mag Def multipliers might accomplish, or what their percentages mean. It might be that "Defence" is a character's ability to lessen damage (similar to FF1's ABSORB), while "Defence %" is the character's ability to dodge enemy hits (similar to FF1's EVADE). Why these stats need multipliers, though, is beyond me.

Mag Def probably works in the same way, except that doesn't make sense, because magic doesn't score multiple hits the way physical attacks do, and there's no way to dodge it.

Even if you don't know exactly how it all works, though, the basics are easy enough to figure out: Attack, Defence and Mag Def do about what you'd expect them to. These are the three stats that show up on a character's equipment screen. Speaking of which...


Rydia starts with very rudimentary equipment, which I suppose is better than starting with nothing at all. This is the weakest of the weak, the lowest tier of equipment in the game. It also happens to be the stuff for sale here in Kaipo.


Rydia only knows one spell at the moment: the Call spell Chocb. She can get more Call spells later by finding and defeating certain key monsters (or from really, really rare enemy drops). She'll get more White and Black spells by good ol' fashioned leveling up.

Particularly astute readers will note that, when it comes to Call magic, Titan is not on the menu. I'm actually pretty okay with this. I'm willing to buy that inexperienced Callers can call monsters far beyond their station in times of great emotional distress... at which point they promptly lose control over them. Later on Rydia will be able to summon up as many Titans as her little heart (and her mana pool) desires without risk of felling local mountain ranges.


Town gossip is just the typical RPG banter. "There are monsters in the next dungeon!" "Your next party member passed through here recently!" Whether or not you prefer this to the modern standard of unskippable cutscenes is a matter of taste, I suppose.

Also also: I put Rydia in the front of the party on account of she is certified button-class cute.


I especially like that Kaipo has the standard-issue "welcome to our town!" guy. Remember, upon arriving at Kaipo the game automatically whisks you off to the Inn. You don't get a chance to talk to this dude upon first arriving. Most likely, you won't speak to him until you're on your way out. Nonetheless, he is committed to his meager task.


In shops, a hero will cheer when you point at a piece of equipment they can equip. Strictly speaking, the ShortBow and Iron Arrows for sale here are better stat-wise than the Rod Rydia came equipped with... but it's a foolish purchase for reasons that will become evident shortly.


Only one treasure available in the pots of Kaipo: a much-appreciated Ether1.


This dancer isn't really a dancer so much as a swimmer. I keep going back and forth on whether that bit poking out of the water is her leg or a snorkel. Either one seems likely.

Next, we learn that Kaipo is ruled by the kingdom of Damcyan, and that the prince's Greatest Hits album tops the charts here.


Finally, it looks as though some broad from Baron had recently stumbled into town. Hmm... Cecil? Nope, doesn't ring a bell.


♪♪ Theme of Love ♪♪

Well now ain't this a fine kettle of fish! It looks like Cecil's girlfriend was so lovesick at home without him that she chased after him on his suicide mission! I don't even want to know what conjunction of miracles had to occur in order for her to arrive here before us, but there are a few possibilities that make sense:

1) She left Baron before Cecil and Kain did, perhaps just after leaving Cecil's room that night, in hopes of intercepting them somewhere along the road.

2) She left Baron after Cecil and Kain did, but the earthquake and subsequent rockslide left Cecil knocked out cold long enough for her to overtake him.

3) She came to Mist by a different (and perhaps safer) road, traveling from Baron to Kaipo by sea, not knowing the valley would be blocked from the other direction.


In any case, Rosa has fallen deathly ill and is in no condition to come along with us. The game makes every effort to ensure you know what she has, how to cure it, and where to find the cure.

There's nothing for it: we have to brave those scary sea snakes and make for Damcyan Castle.


In honor of our new party member, I've decided that the rest of this update will be brought to you in delightful Caller Hair Green.

Here we see the first evidence of Rydia's nature as a glass cannon: her Chocb spell is pretty crazy powerful, but her low MP pool only allows her to cast it once. She levels quickly and picks up some new spells after her very first battle, but she's completely tapped and needs to recharge before she can do that again.

Her MP grows quickly enough to allow a few repeat castings, but it never manages to be enough to cast consistently through the course of a long or even moderately-sized dungeon.


Fortunately, her Rod can be used as an item in battle to deal a small amount of physical damage. This attack isn't going to cut any bosses down to size, but at least it's guaranteed to hit. It gives her something to do in the fights where spending MP wouldn't be a prudent use of resources.

If you'd purchased a ShortBow for her, you'd be stuck watching her throw away arrow after arrow as she repeatedly whiffs every attack she makes.


♪♪ Fanfare ♪♪

And the spells just keep coming! Sight is a particularly weird spell. Aside from the insert that comes with the game, FF2 doesn't have a world map you can use to navigate. Instead, Sight turns this:



into this:


At the very least, you can use the spell each time you arrive in a new area to make sure you don't waste time traveling in the wrong direction.

Before traveling to that cave up there, we need Rydia's MP refilled. So back to the Inn with us! Fun fact: this is the first time in the game I've actually spent money.


♪♪ Main Theme ♪♪

The northeasterly trip isn't particularly harrowing. When I'm not shackled by the expectations of showing things off in an LP, I usually just beeline for the cave with Rydia at L1. If you know about the party member you're about to recruit, there's really no reason not to.


♪♪ Fanfare ♪♪

Before completing the trip, though, Rydia comes away with probably the most important black magic spell she can learn in the game. Hmm... that takes care of Ice-1 and Lit-1... isn't there something important missing?


♪♪ Into the Darkness ♪♪

Welcome to the Watery Pass, FF2's first real dungeon. This isn't a single-floor appetizer like the Mist Cave, no sir! This is the extra tasty crispy main course, with potato wedges and slaw. In some ways this is the game's first serious challenge, although with the unkillable Cecil on our side it actually comes across more as an introduction to the types of challenges you'll see later, after the game stops pulling its punches.


Just a few easy treasures to wet our whistle. There's better stuff later, I promise.


Lit-1 is important because: 1) this dungeon is full of aquatic monsters who are weak to it, 2) it costs 5 MP as opposed to Chocb (which costs 7) and 3) it can target multiple opponents whereas Chocb can target only one.

Hold is one of the few white spells Rydia learns. It paralyzes a monster, which is usually a pretty pointless action when you can just electrocute said monster instead.


♪♪ Into the Darkness ♪♪

Like the other early FF games, FF2 has multiple tiers of shelter items: Tents, which only restore a portion of your HP/MP, and Cabins, which restore everything. They aren't required to save on the overworld anymore, though, since that's now just a standard function on the menu.

♪♪ Battle Theme ♪♪

The WaterBug is an annoying monster that counters all damage done to it by a skill called Remedy. This ability has no animation and no perceived effect, but I'm pretty sure it refills the WaterBug's HP.


♪♪ Fanfare ♪♪

Once they've used Remedy a few times, WaterBugs will simply retreat. Oh well.

Sleep is black magic which attempts to put the target to sleep. It's unilaterally useless, however, which makes it the functional equivalent of Hold.


♪♪ Into the Darkness ♪♪

Partway through the southern stretch of the Watery Pass we are accosted by an old man who Cecil correctly surmises is Tellah, the old Sage everyone in Kaipo was buzzing about. Interestingly, Cecil makes this assumption even if you don't gather any information in Kaipo. Not only does the game directly inform you to talk to all the NPCs, it simply assumes you do so for purposes of events like this one. Since the instruction manual included a walkthrough of the first several acts of the game, even a beginner player could find himself in several situations where Cecil appears to be clairvoyant.

Nonetheless, Tellah does have a plot trigger. If you try to come through here before putting Rydia to bed or before visiting Rosa, Tellah will simply give vague warnings about how the monster is too dangerous for you, and force you to turn back.


Dangerous as the monster may be, though, Tellah is sure that between his magic, Rydia's monsters and Cecil's dark sword they will be powerful enough to prevail.

By the way, Tellah is a Mysidian, which makes his reverence for Cecil's dark sword particularly curious. Even if you figure he was out chasing after his daughter when Mysidia was sacked, there are other reasons to believe this makes him somewhat unique amongst his countrymen. We'll explore those reasons later!

~~~


Tellah - Sage

For some reason it always made perfect sense to me that Tellah was depicted as a statue in Nintendo Power. That's how old he is.

Tellah is purple, and I respect that, but he's still the worst character in the game. Unlike the other magic-using characters, Tellah does not learn more spells as he levels. He starts with a small repertoire, and the rest are added later as a one-time windfall.

Command List:

• Fight: Tellah may as well not even have a Fight command... which is part of his problem.
  
• White: Tellah begins with only a small handful of white spells and is never allowed within eyeshot of the most powerful of them.
  
• Black: He also starts with the basic elemental attack spells and a few other odds and ends. He gets more black magic later, but again, the strongest spells are forever denied to him.

Tellah is the classic Red Mage, through and through: he has a lot of options, but he's not particularly good at any of them, and he doesn't have the MP to back them up. He only gets 90 MP, and that never goes up. Ever. For any reason. 90 MP sounds like a lot now, but it's not even enough to sustain castings of Lit-1 throughout a moderately-sized dungeon (like say, oh, the one he joins in). It's particularly bad towards the end of his stay in the party. 99 MP is only six castings of Lit-2. Or three of Lit-3. The dungeons only get longer, and the monsters only get more HP. Oh, and did I mention that Tellah's stats go down when he levels up?

What I'm trying to say is, if you were given the choice to assign Tellah to the party, you wouldn't. He can't do much, and what he can do, he's not particularly good at.

~~~


Tellah's main deal is that he's so old that he's forgotten most of the spells he used to know. Which, ah, kind of makes him the suckiest Sage in existence. Look, I'm not going to pick on Alzheimer's patients. That would be really insensitive. I just wouldn't bring them along with me when going adventuring.

Tellah's primary asset is that he knows Cure2 rather than Cure1. At this stage in the game, a single casting of Cure2 will replenish the party completely. This helps free up Rydia's MP for castings of Lit-1. Neither of them have a lot of MP to work with, but with the two of them backing each other up you can just about get through the dungeon before they're both tapped.

Another interesting thing to note about FF2 is that you can rearrange your spells. I like to put my most frequently-used spells near the top of the list, and shove the pointless ones down at the bottom. There's only a tiny chance Tellah will ever need to cast Heal, Life1, Exit or Blink while he's on the team... but there's no point whatsoever in casting Charm. Down on the dung heap it goes.


♪♪ Battle Theme ♪♪

Another FF staple: reptiles and amphibians are weak to ice magic. This is another Watery Pass fight that can be mopped up with a single spell.

♪♪ Into the Darkness ♪♪

Nothing wrong with 120 GP laying out in the open, but how do we get to the box over on the far ledge? Well, we go over the bridge...


...down these stairs...


...up these waterfalls, under the bridge...


...nothin' but net. I mean, IronRing.

This is another example of how the dungeon layouts in FF2 were a huge step up from what came before. A bridge that can be walked over and under!? I'm pretty sure that would have caused the NES to piss itself right there on your living room carpet.


Tellah has a lot of HP, so he doesn't strictly need this IronRing, but Rydia already has one and Cecil's default equips are better. Enjoy it, old man!


♪♪ Battle Theme ♪♪

Undead creatures such as these Zombies are troublesome. They are heavily resistant to dark-based attacks, such as Cecil's Fight command, and Rydia can't cast Fire1 in order to take care of them.


Enter Tellah and his one good spell!


Undead monsters take damage from healing magic, making Cure2 an effective attack spell against them. Hmm... there actually does seem to be some wild variance in magical damage. Maybe there is something to that Mag Def multiplier after all.

Incidentally, did you notice the three kinds of magic have distinctive casting animations? Black magic engulfs the caster in a green flash, white magic surrounds the caster with marshmallows, and call magic turns the caster gold and emits a ring of fiery bubbles.


♪♪ Into the Darkness ♪♪

More goodies come to those who search! Walking into this waterfall leads to "?", which looks to be an ancient treasure cache!


Our take includes an Elixir (which is always welcome!) and a pretty sizable chunk of GP. The third box was a Cure2, which is probably the single most often-used item in the game. Cure1s go out of style so fast.