"One to be born from a dragon..." -- Let's Play Final Fantasy II

When's your birthday, Octo? I want to make sure I ruin that too.

I'm pretty sure that I got one of the rare summons (probably Imp) when I first played this game, a long time ago. I didn't realize that they were super rare until much later, since I just assumed everyone ran into one or two when they played the game.

One of the reasons I never get anything in any FF game is because they drop rate is so pitifully small... I refuse to sink hours into any game for that kind of stuff.

NOT COOL

I've gotten the Zeus Gauntlet once and the Imp summon twice in my long history with this game. I think I got an Artemis Bow once, too, but I'm not 100% sure on that one.

I got Imp once, but it was in the DS version, so the drop-rate was probably affected.

Also, can you steal those rare items, or do you have to rely on the item-drops?

Wow! I didn't know the NPCs updated their dialogue this often. I typically wouldn't check back on most of them until the final dungeon.

I had that exact same thought process as I read the updates, but since I'm no longer a kid, I realized "that is not worth my time."

Got quite a laugh from your post, though.

I remember getting the Bomb summon once from a bomb-style monster on the moon. Was the only time I ever saw any of those summons drop, never saw any again.

Huh?.. S.. Steal? What is that??

Not sure, but something sneaky, no doubt.

BUT THEN ANOTHER UPDATE HAPPENED!

Chapter the Tenth: The Ninja Prince


♪♪ Kingdom Baron ♪♪

To celebrate our heroes' triumphant return to the Overworld, this update comes at you in heavenly Serene Sky Blue

Now, you're going to want to try and make sense of this dialogue. It raises more questions than it solves. Such as, how did Cid manage to order his flunkies to do anything while he was careening into the depths of the earth with explosives coming out of his ears? Or, how is it that Cid knew we would need a hook, and for what purpose? Or, if he wanted the Enterprise to have a hook, why not install it himself when he was in Baron just a short time ago, applying the lavaproof coating?

Cid would answer any and all of these questions by hitting you with a wrench and telling you to stop thinking so damn much. Let's honor his memory by doing exactly that.


♪♪ Hey, Cid! ♪♪

Most airship repairs and/or upgrades are accomplished by mechanics running to random points of the deck, twirling around a lot, and periodically stopping to allow for shaking and banging. Whether this is how mechanical engineering is accomplished in the world of FF2, or it's Cid's handiwork in particular, I can't say.

It's possible Cid is the only mechanical engineer in the world of FF2.


So apparently now we can grab the hovercraft and then fly around with it. This will let us float across rocky shallows that aren't accessible from the deserts of Damcyan and Kaipo.


I think the meaning here is Cecil can't bring himself to deliver the bad news, which causes the underling to misunderstand his hesitance as exasperation.

But I don't like it when FF2 is that nuanced. I much prefer to read this scene as the underling knowing exactly what Cecil is talking about. "Yeah, that crazy fucker blows himself up once or twice a week. We don't know what to do about it either. You just kind of learn to live with it. Well, good luck! Enjoy your hook!"


♪♪ The Airship ♪♪

But let it never be said that Cid's insane handiwork ain't up to par. Enterprise's new accessory works exactly as advertised. By deploying a giant cartoon claw while idling over the hovercraft, we can attach it to the belly of the airship and set it back down anywhere it could legally land.

The hovercraft is a priceless heirloom of the now-ruined kingdom of Damcyan, and we're treating it like one of those squeaky aliens from Toy Story. Maybe it's a good thing Edward is still laid up in Toroia; this might be more than his fragile constitution could bear.


♪♪ Main Theme ♪♪

There are only two places in the big blue world accessible only by the Hoverprise. The first is this tiny mine just offshore of Silvera.


♪♪ Into the Darkness ♪♪

Inside, we learn three important bits of information. First, this midget dude has a "funny ore". Second, he collects tails. And third, he is an unimaginable douche. I mean, I collect Pepsi cans, but I'll still talk to you even if you don't give me one.

If Cecil weren't lawful good, he'd probably just step on this dude. And who among us would blame him?


♪♪ Main Theme ♪♪

The other spot is this cave just outside of Eblan. This is the closest spot on earth to the Tower of Bab-il, so it looks like our next stop.

I mentioned that my first exposure to FF2 was watching my cousin play through it. This is kind of a long game, so we didn't actually get a chance to see him play every single scene. If we were visiting our aunt and uncle, and my cousin wasn't at home, the rule was we could play any games we wanted providing we didn't erase any of his saves. We were savvy NES kids, so we knew what that meant, and furthermore we knew that swift, divine retribution was in store for us if we disobeyed. (I once got a spanking for deleting his Zelda save and replacing it with one named FUCKYOU. I don't remember why I did that.)

That's all fine and dandy, but FF2 didn't have a "delete save" option. Once all four save slots were filled, you could only lose one by overwriting it. And this particular copy of FF2 was obtained secondhand and then passed around a bit, so all four saves were already taken.

So if we actually wanted to play the game, we could either start a brand new game and then never save (which means we'd lose all our progress when it was time to go home), or load up one of the existing saves and screw around with it.

Imagine my horror when I loaded up a save one day, and the freaking hovercraft was sitting outside of Eblan. I was so freaked out that I called my cousin at the pizza place where he worked and asked what the hell he did. Was the game broken? What was up?

He said he got it there with a Game Genie.

When pressed for the present location of this mythical Game Genie (as I needed help beating Lemmings), I was told he'd lost it.

Then he hung up on me.

It wasn't until the end of the summer, when I was playing the game legitimately for myself, that I realized he was fucking with me. Truly mine was a traumatic childhood.


♪♪ Into the Darkness ♪♪

Hey look, a cave! I was wondering when we'd get to explore one of these. Cave Eblana is characterized by secluded rooms which can only be reached via secret passages cutting through the walls. Also, its proximity to the ocean has caused most of the upper floors to be partially flooded.

It's also jam-packed with treasures. Outside of the Toroian vault, and one room in a dungeon from an upcoming update, I believe Eblana has the most densely packed treasure content of any location in the game.


See that? Here's three just on the first floor.

There's no reason to climb out to this little platform. It's just a good place to show off another fine example of FF2's intricate cave design. The color scheme here, and the abundance of rounded edges, gives the sense that the ocean has been wearing away at these rocks for hundreds of years.

The FF2 dudes got some amazing mileage out of these cave tiles.


The second floor of the cave has been cleared of monsters and now houses the dispossessed people of Eblan Castle.


For war-ravaged refugees trapped on a continent with no other signs of civilization, the Eblanians (Eblanites?) have a pretty impressive weapons and armor industry. We don't need any Ice gear, but this Black Robe gives Rydia a boost to her Wis. stat, causing her Black and Call spells to hit harder.


Nobody in the party can use this Short Sword, but I had the mysterious urge to buy one anyway. More rationally, Rosa gets an upgrade to her arrows.


Have you ever done that thing where you're playing a game and you think you've identified a sidequest, but you just can't figure out how to start it? Like, you'll see a hole in the game which would be the perfect spot to hide some optional prize or fetch quest?

This was one of those spots, for me. This guard complains that the Eblanians (Eblanese?) are running out of Food. Across the world, at the club in Toroia ((CHECK THIS)), an NPC talks about how good the Food is there. That's Food, capital F. And he uses the word in the middle of a sentence.

This led me to conclude that Food must be an item in the game, and that if I could but find out how to get it, I could bring it here and get a treat from someone in Eblana. I must have flown back and forth a dozen times talking to these NPCs, checking pots and shelves in Toroia for hidden items, pushing against all the walls, and elsewise just driving myself crazy.

Alas, there is nothing you can do to help the Eblanians (Eblanoids?) stave off starvation. It's like Cecil doesn't even care. (He is lawful good.)


The most populated section of "town" is the infirmary, where it looks like half the people of Eblan are still injured from whatever turmoil recently obliterated their castle. We didn't witness this destruction firsthand, and nobody ever spells it out in plain words, but judging by current events I think I'm gonna go with "suddenly attacked by Red Wings."

But the people are keeping their spirits up! The hot topic around the cave is the prince, and his one-man quest to carve a hole into the side of the tower to beat up bad guys and rescue his parents. (Perhaps even in that order!)


Strangely enough, there's no mention of Golbez anywhere in Eblana. Looks like this Rubicant fella is in charge of things around here.


The deeper floors retain the secret passage motif of the entrance, but the tunnels themselves take on a less natural appearance. Every indication is that this passageway is man-made.


Looks like the redshirts the prince set out with fell back along the way. And he just left them there to die! What a guy.

Cecil, of course, opts to do the same.


♪♪ Fight 1 ♪♪

I hope you're in love with the Vampire spell animation by the time you reach this dungeon, because bats are back, baby.

♪♪ Into the Darkness ♪♪

Successfully navigating this dungeon involves some zig-zagging between multiple floors. As a result, there are lots of spots like these where you get a sneak peek of areas further along. Placing two treasures on either side of an impassable barrier is a unique way of rewarding the player while immediately giving him something else to do. (Yay, a treasure! Now how do I get to that next one?)

I've designed a few RPG dungeons in my day, and I've always strived to re-use dungeon rooms in as many ways and directions as possible. The traditional string-of-rooms-with-random-battles dungeon has always struck me as somewhat unimaginative. I realize I'm skirting the edges of a more general lecture about dungeon design here, and I'll try to avoid that if at all possible, but this technique is a very easy and effective way to engage the player above and beyond the typical "you fight monsters and get treasures sometimes".

One thing I do want to stress, though, is that Eblana (and most FF2 dungeons) is devoid of dead-ends. This was a major step forward from the NES days, where dungeons were meant to be explored in multiple trips, and mapping the dead-ends was part of the experience. Dead-ends were engaging because they presented the player with a maze to contend with, and a maze is at least sort of a puzzle, and a minor puzzle is more interesting than nothing at all.

However, finding a dead-end is neither interesting nor rewarding. If it is your second or third pass through the game you will know where the dead-ends are and avoid them. (Remember how little of the Marsh or Earth Caves I had to explore back in my FF1 LPs?) What FF2 does, instead, is replace the dead-end -- where the player has essentially failed and has to try again to find the right path -- with twisty passages that can be seen, but not immediately reached.

The result is, where FF1's dungeons were a series of successes and failures (find a treasure/find nothing), FF2's are a series of successes and goals (find a treasure/spot a treasure you can't reach yet). It really is the next level of dungeon design.

...crap, I ended up lecturing a little bit anyway. Sorry about that.


Eblan's major export is dying soldiers.


♪♪ Fight 1 ♪♪

Ooh! New status ailment!

In this shot, Cecil is cursed. This has a negative effect on certain stats, although I've never pinpointed exactly which ones. In practical turns, he'll be less effective in dealing and absorbing damage until the end of the fight.

This would be a really dangerous effect if there were any bosses who could inflict it, but to my knowledge none can. So you can safely ignore it and proceed in burning the skeleton guys to death.


♪♪ Into the Darkness ♪♪

As you can tell, Shurikens are a pretty common treasure in this dungeon. Which seems weird because, at the moment, they have absolutely no use whatsoever.


Cure2, Cure2, Cabin, Elixir, Elixir. Not a bad haul, considering all I did to reach this little nook was climb some stairs!


"Every time one of us got cut down by skeletons or bloodsucked by bats, he just got madder and madder!"

Not that losing one's temper would be out of the question, in these circumstances. I mean, we all saw the state of Eblan Castle firsthand. Presumably, that was Rubican't handiwork.


Two Lifes and 1650 in GP. I'm glad this prince we're chasing was too hot-headed to loot the joint while rushing off on his ill-conceived quest for vengeance!


One last Life, just for good measure. The game really does dump a ton of these in your lap.

(I may have mentioned this already, but the optimal revival strategy in FF2 is to save your potions for Rosa. She can revive the other heroes with magic, so this stretches your potion supply much further than it would have gone otherwise.)

That just leaves the box up on the top of the screen, there, and then Eblana will be sufficiently cleaned out of all its goodies. Assuming there's no super-secret treasure room, of course...


Nope! Just this save room with a slightly discolored wall.


Oh snap, the wall lead to a super-secret treasure room. I'll bet you all never saw it coming, what with me being the master of misdirection and all.


♪♪ Fight 1 ♪♪

This Staleman is no tougher than the one we fought back in Eblan Castle, and the method of dispatching him is the same. Nobody has Ice-3 this time around, but Shiva gets the job done just as well. Cecil's IceBrand could take this bastard apart stone-by-stone, if he hadn't chosen this precise moment to take a nap.


♪♪ Fanfare ♪♪

This is Cecil's version of the Drain Spear. However, the IceBrand is stronger and hits important weak points the Drain Sword doesn't, so I tend not to equip this weapon.

It still has a use, though. Stay tuned.

♪♪ Fight 2 ♪♪

Yes yes, I'm sure this is all quite thrilling and important (even though all the action is covered up by the dialogue box, blarg blarg), but I have a treasure box to loot. If I could just squeeze by you guys for a second...


Guys? Like, I mean, it's right there, if you could just...


No, really, we don't want to get in the way or anything, we just figure that if neither of you are going to use it we might as well, you know...


Okay, not that we want to get involved or anything, and we're not trying to tell you how to do your job here, but that was so clearly not going to work that we're kind of surprised you even tried it. Not sayin', just sayin'.


This is the second time Rubicant has just kind of slipped away from us without even noticing we'd arrived. The correct thing to do would be to chase him up the stairs (after getting that treasure, of course), but this guy has a unique sprite so we should probably stop and see if he's okay.

Edge is kind of pouty that a bunch of strangers were on hand to witness his ass-beating. Which, you have to admit, he kind of deserved. Remember when Tellah decided to pick a fight with nothing but his fists? This is kind of like that, except instead of a weepy bard the target was a horrifying fire demon.

I especially like how Edge asks why we're butting our noses in right after Rydia explains why we're butting our noses in.


Now he's just taking the piss. I somehow doubt that Edge lights himself on fire on a regular bases. I mean, it's not like he's an airship engineer. Even goody-goody Cecil can't help but get a jab in on this one, and I can't blame him.


♪♪ Rydia ♪♪

Oh come on, we're just picking on the guy. Sheesh, way to kill the mood, Rydia.


Rydia's emotional outburst has less to do with Edge, in particular, and more to do with a general opposition to sitting back and watching people die. Which, I suppose, is understandable. (It also raises the question of whether anyone filled her in on the exact details of how Tellah went out. And of how attached she really was to Tellah in the first place, considering she never said a word to him the entire time they were in the party together.)

This scene is supposed to be touching, and I think it could have been -- if Rydia weren't ostensibly a grown-up now. A seven-year-old reacting this way is heartfelt and endearing... but since Rydia's not seven anymore, she just comes across as kind of a basketcase. I don't know about you guys, but I'm glad the most emotionally unstable member of the team is the one in charge of keeping all our giant monsters in line!

Yet another reason I don't much care for the "I'm all grown up now suddenly!" subplot. There's nothing wrong with having a tough little kid in the group. (But then, if FF2 had gotten this right now, FF3's take on the character would have been less memorable. I suppose it's a trade-off.)

I entertained the idea for a number of years that Monsterland only altered Rydia's physical maturity, whereas emotionally and intellectually she was still a child... sort of a Zoltar situation. There's nothing in the story that explicitly supports or refutes this, but it does put a much skeevier edge on some of her banter with Edge later on.


Negotiations get a bit smoother once people realize Rydia's temper tantrum won't go away otherwise. Edge changes his tune right quick, and then Rosa does her thing...


There's always a sort of cognative dissonance regarding spell names in RPGs, isn't there? I mean, we understand that these are mostly concessions of usability, made on behalf of the player, and that there's a divider between gameplay ideas and plot progression we're not meant to acknowledge.

So I don't know why, but it makes me slightly uncomfortable that the people in FF2's world actually acknowledge spells with names like "cure two". It opens the door to such thoughts as, are they really carrying four hundred individual potion bottles around in a gunny sack? Do they have a little notebook where they meticulously keep track of their MP as a numerical value? Do they really fight monsters while standing in a row?


♪♪ Hey, Cid! ♪♪

"Sir, we only have room in the soundtrack for one more character theme."

"Okay. Who do we have?"

"One is the ninja guy, the other is the airship chief guy."

"Which is the one who is only in the party for two dungeons and doesn't have any cool abilities?"

"The airship guy."

"And which one has the unique magic and special attacks who is with the team for half the game and helps kill the last boss?"

"That would be the ninja."

"Now, does this ninja ever do anything awesome like jump into a bottomless pit whileholding a bomb?"

"Er... I think he uses a fire spell on a fire boss at one point."

"Man, fuck that guy."

And that's how Edge came to share Cid's theme music. I think we all know they made the right call here.


And Rydia's all, "I didn't want him to burn to death in a cave. That doesn't mean I think we should bring him with us. Jesus, you guys."

♪♪ Into the Darkness ♪♪

Ladies and gents, I give you... our final party! This is the team you take on the back half of the game with, and who you use to overcome most of the toughest challenges.

~~~



Edge - Ninja

Edge is unique in that he is the only character in FF2 who has multiple strengths. Every other character is a pure combatant, or a pure mage, with hybrid characters (such as Cecil and Rosa) leaning very heavily one way or the other. Edge tries to do several things at once, but is unfortunately balanced by not being allowed to excel at any of them.

Command List:

• Fight: Like Yang, Edge can equip a weapon in each hand. Unlike Yang, the power of his weapons actually makes a difference. In practice, Edge's Fight command is slightly weaker than Cecil's and Kain's. The real drawback here is ambidextrous characters can't use shields. Edge either has to Fight from the front line (where his lacking Defence is noticable), or sit on the back (where his melee attacks do half damage.) He can equip boomerangs, which are ranged attacks and therefore not penalized on the back row, but that lowers his power level so far he pretty much just turns into a suckier version of Rosa.
  
• Dart: This may well be the single most consistently damaging command in the game. Dart lets you select a bladed weapon from your inventory (such as an old sword, or any of the Shurikens you've been picking up) and fling it at a monster. The amount of damage this deals is a function of the weapon's attack power. Shurikens and similar weapons tend to have the highest power ratings, but nobody can equip them, so this is the only way to make use of them. Darting a weapon obviously gets rid of it, though, and the most powerful throwing stars are monstrously expensive. As a result, Edge can't use Dart as his bread-and-butter. Against bosses, though? Aces.
  
• Sneak: This command makes Edward's Sing ability look useful. It deals a small amount of damage to Edge, and displays a "Failed." message on the top of the screen. Very very rarely, the game gives you a Cure2 or something instead, but I think that's a bug.
  
• Ninja: This is Edge's very own unique brand of magic. Unfortunately, it's incredibly limited; he gets a few mediocre attack spells and a few forgettable utilities. As a rule, any time you think casting one of Edge's spells might be useful, you're probably better off making him Fight instead.

Edge isn't a bad character by any means, but he might be the worst character in the final party. His strengths are just spread too thin. There's no place in a five-hero team for a character who is sorta good at everything instead of really good at one thing.

What's important, though, is that Edge can bring the damage when it really counts. It takes a light touch to keep him on his feet, though; he's far less durable than Yang, and is often fighting monsters with magical attacks that Cecil can't auto-Cover.

~~~


First up, we'll equip Edge with that Short Sword we bought (he comes with one; this completes the set) and a Rune Ring we had laying around. This brings his stats up to par so we don't have to run back to the Eblana shops. Of note: Edge can equip Claws, if you have any left over from Yang. He gets the same elemental and status benefits from them that Yang did, but the tremendous hit to his Attack isn't worth it.

A quick look at Edge's magic menu reveals that Flame is literally the only Ninja spell he knows. It costs as much as Fire2 and does about the same amount of damage.


♪♪ Fight 1 ♪♪

...well, maybe a little more damage. But then, keep in mind that these monsters are weak to fire, and that Rydia's already got this base covered with her Jinn spell. And that with 60 MPs Edge can only cast it four times.


♪♪ Into the Darkness ♪♪

More importantly, we can finally get that treasure box!! Huzzah! An Ether2 never looked so sweet.

(No, seriously, these things are sweet. Anything that recharges Rydia's batteries is a welcome find.)


♪♪ Tower of Bab-il ♪♪

At long last we arrive at the Tower of Bab-il... this time from the opposite direction. There's just one small problem...


...there doesn't seem to be a way in!

Or so Cecil thinks. Edge seems to have an idea.


Bam. Sweet Ninja skills.

I mean, not quite as sweet as KARATE, but, you know. I'll take what I can get.

While you "need" Edge to get into the tower, you can't actually get here unless he's in your party. I wonder if this is a leftover from a more fleshed-out Eblan scenario which was eventually pared down, where the heroes tried to get into the tower, failed, and had to seek out some Ninja assistance.

I admit it does help Edge redeem himself slightly, after having received that Rubicant-flavored beat-down.


Dee-licious!

♪♪ Fight 1 ♪♪

This should helpfully illustrate Edge's ability to dish out and take damage. He excels at neither offense nor defense, which causes him to struggle a bit on the front line. It doesn't help that he joins the party with a truly anemic HP total.


His damage output ramps up considerably with the Dart command, but this uses up costly Shurikens. If these were cheap they would be excellent as Edge's primary weapon, but unfortunately there aren't GPs enough in the world to keep him fully stocked.


Edge's other advantage is critical hits. We're still going to explore that bug -- don't you worry -- but misflagged weapons notwithstanding Edge still seems to get an inordinate amount of critical hits compared to other characters. I'd theorize that the game calculates the crit chance for each of his hands separately, except Yang never seemed to crit ever.

I've still got those axes, so I'll see about compiling some data next time I get a break from the plot.


♪♪ Fanfare ♪♪

New toys for Rydia and Rosa!

Psych is a "steal MP" spell that sounds like a great way to replenish Rydia's MP, but in practice hardly ever works. There are some spellcasting enemies that make good targets, but for the most part Ethers do a better charge of supplying her with Mists and Viruses.

Float is an absolutely crucial spell for surviving some upcoming dungeons. I'm actually a few levels ahead of where I usually am in the game, probably a function of fighting extra battles to show things off or get perfect screenshots. I usually have to grind a few minutes in the next area before Rosa learns this.


I flipped my Game Genie code back on long enough to guarantee this would drop. Bomb is the last of Rydia's super-rare Call spells, and very possibly the most useful of them.


♪♪ Tower of Bab-il ♪♪

This monster-guarded treasure is sitting on a tiny island connected by a long, important-looking bridge. It'd better be good.


♪♪ Fight 1 ♪♪

This Mad Ogre fight is dealt with the same way as the previous one; sap their HP with Virus, and use Bersk on the damage-dealers. As it turns out, this is not the best way to deal with Mad Ogres... but I didn't know that until this playthrough.

I don't know everything! Shocking, I know.


♪♪ Fanfare ♪♪

The prize is a powerful axe which I won't be equipping for fear of that no-crit flag. Of course if you don't care about that, and you don't mind losing your shield hand, this is a great weapon for Cecil at this stage of the game.

♪♪ Fight 1 ♪♪

I don't know how Bomb's damage is calculated. (Makes sense, seeing as how I've never obtained it legally.) It seems like a pretty piddling amount of damage for 10 MP, but maybe there's something I'm missing.


If you some damage to an Egg, but not enough to kill it, it will Hatch into another monster. Not necessarily a difficult monster, mind you; this Lamia barely had time to burble its first words before we harvested its corpse for luscious EXP.


♪♪ Tower of Bab-il ♪♪

The upper reaches of Bab-il involve crossing catwalks which snake around small, square rooms. As you climb, the take from treasure boxes gets slightly better.


♪♪ Fight 1 ♪♪

One benefit of Ninja magic is it pierces the Wall spell. You might recall this was an insurmountable obstacle for Tellah and Palom, back in the day.

Of course, Call magic has the same benefit, is more powerful, and there's more of it. So this is really more of a fingerquote-benefit than something you can actually put to good use.


This Lamia Charmed Rosa into Bersking her. I have no idea what this was supposed to accomplish, except to show that even monsters enjoy a good lulz.


♪♪ Tower of Bab-il ♪♪

...okay, so FF2 does have a few annoying dead-ends. The rest of the stuff I said about its dungeon layouts still holds, though!


♪♪ Fight 1 ♪♪

See, there is a spell that hurtws these pesky Mad Ogres after all!

...I mean, it doesn't hurt them by much, and it's not something Tellah can exploit back in Eblan Castle, but hey, it's something!


And in this shot, Edge demonstrates his amazing ability to Sneak. He took 4 damage. Good job, Edge.


♪♪ Tower of Bab-il ♪♪

I don't know what this tiny, disconnected room to Edge's left is for, or how to get in there. Maybe it's an outhouse exclusively for flying monsters?

Huh. So that's what you call a weapon that's longer than a Short Sword, but shorter than a Long Sword. Replacing one of his Short Swords with this gives Edge a cool +7 buff to Attack.


♪♪ Fanfare ♪♪

Because Ninja magic doesn't have an icon the way White and Black magic does, it can be quite jarring to see the "Learned" message when Edge levels up. Pin is the functional equivalent of the Hold spell, which is to say, the functional equivalent of an empty space on the menu.


♪♪ Fight 1 ♪♪

In this shot, Sneak glitched out and I ended up with a Cure2 for some reason.


♪♪ Tower of Bab-il ♪♪

Aha! This must be where Rubicant emerged from that teleporter he used during our Underground adventures! We must be getting close to him and his secret stash of crystals.


I like showing off save points and tiny dungeon floors. So sue me.


That big important-looking room might be our destination! Of course, the best course of action is to walk past it at first and get this brain-numbingly awesome windfall of 82,000 GPs.

Lowball runs of FF2 are tricky not only because you're at a low EXP level, but also because running from fights tends to sap your money supply. Not only are you not getting GPs from combat, you're also losing it because our heroes tend to drop their wallets when fleeing for their lives. It's especially noticable at this stage of the game, where Eblana has some decent gear for sale but you have nothing to buy it with.

My strategy in those runs was to run up here and get this chest, then run back out (Exit doesn't work) dropping as little as possible. Then I could do my shopping and clear the dungeon for real.

The other strategy is to carry as much wealth as you can on the Item screen. For example, using what meager income you have to buy up Cabins or Lifes before heading into a dungeon. You lose half of it when you go to sell it back, but you were going to lose at least that much while running anyway. This is one aspect of the game you really can't afford to get wrong, and it took a lot of careful planning to know what I needed to buy and when.

I don't have any of those old notes anymore, but I recall the Dancing Dagger being a major hurdle early on. As in, you need to sell pretty much everything from every corner of the game up to that point to afford it, and if you can't afford it, you're essentially screwed because Cecil really, really needs it.

Anyway, I ran the Tower of Bab-il a lot, is my point.

Well which is it? Are you taking us to the Dark World, or down to The Hades? Or are you going to split us up and go halfsies? That sounds like a lot of effort.

So anyway, Edge was already having a pretty bad day before his parents transformed into abominations unto God and started attacking him.


Fortunately they can't do a whole lot outside of cast absolutely ineffectual Fire1 spells.


The strategy in this fight is to hang back and let Edge beg his parents to recognize him. Which might go over better if he were to take off that silly mask.


♪♪ Cry in Sorrow ♪♪

Before long, the Eblanian (Eblanish?) monarchy changes colors and stops hurling Level-1 magic at us. Even in his new furry/claw-y/bat-winged state, the good king Eblan has not lost his stunning ability to state the obvious.


I love the king's conviction here. "We're monsters now. We MUST not live long." I don't know if the Eblanians (Eblannos?) are practiced racists, or what, but apparently being non-human is a death sentence in their culture. It's like, dude, no! It's cool! We've met some pretty okay monsters! This green chick is buds with an old lightning man and a punky ice queen and stuff! It's all good!

Nonetheless, the king may well get his wish. Even though this is a storyline battle, your party still gets command windows. So while Edge and his folks are drawing out their tearful farewells you can just stand there wailing on them. It's kind of the opposite of the Mt. Ordeals DKnight fight in that regard.


But despite Edge's protests and repeated critical stabbings his parents' minds are made up.


Suicide by fade-out. Kinda gets you... right here.


With his parents dead at his feet, Edge understandably flips the fuck out. Ninjas flipping the fuck out in your techno-tower isn't covered by most villains' insurance policies, so Rubicant picks this moment to show up and handle the situation personally.


As it happens, Rubicant is a perfectly reasonable villain. It was the mad scientist in the last update who diddled with the king and queen's DNA, a practice Rubicant most assuredly disapproves of. He practically thanks us for cutting him down.

Edge, naturally, isn't hearing any of it. This motherfucker blew up his castle, and then a dude on his payroll turned his parents into mutants.

Rubicant and Edge have very different opinions on the topic of emotions. Which is at least a little odd, because the traditional Ninja is on the opposite side of this whole "emotions" debate.


♪♪ The Dreadful Fight ♪♪

But Edge is nothing if not non-traditional. Driven by nothing but unspeakable rage and the all-consuming desire to prove Rubicant wrong, he up and learns two brand new Ninja spells right there, powered by an engine of pure hate.


...which is kind of a weird thing to mention, considering the spells Edge just learned were water and lightning, but whatever. Maybe Rubicant just likes to brag.


He really does want to play fair, though, and kicks off the fight by restoring the team to full health.


You know those RPG battles where the villain will use a superpower in a story fight, but then not actually have that power when you go to fight him for real? Yeah, this isn't like that. Rubicant can and will Glare your ass off, and it is for all practical purposes an insta-kill.


But just because Rubicant likes to play fair doesn't mean we have to! The gimmick here is that you want to use ice magic against him, as that is his weakness. When he's got his cloak drawn, however, ice magic heals him instead. Nailing him with Ice-2 or Shiva when his cloak is open is a great way to deal damage, but it's inconsistent.

Elemental damage from weapons, however, is not affected by the cloak. So Cecil's IceBrand and Kain's Blizzard Spear chew through Rubicant's HPs like rotted driftwood. Kain's Jump attack is the star of the show here, clearing 4000 damage every round.

Rydia's turns, incidentally, are spent casting Titan. Titan can do thousands of damage and he does not give a shit what Rubicant's cloak is doing.


You would think that one of Edge's newfound spells would be the key to this fight, but no. The best thing he can do is Dart whatever Shurikens you still have left, as well as weapons such as the Drain Sword you aren't planning on equipping. Like Cecil and Kain, Edge can hit Rubicant's weak point by equipping one of Yang's old Ice Claws... but he loses so much Attack that the strategy isn't worth considering. Sometimes it really is possible to be too clever for your own good.


When he's not Glare-ing at you, Rubicant's main attack is Fire2. Which, uh, you can kind of safely ignore.


He may have been able to put Edge out with a single Glare, but Rubicant can't take much Blizzard Spear to the face. Rosa got Glared on the first turn of this fight, and it was all over before she got her first Cure3 spell off.

In a lot of ways, Rubicant is the easiest of the four fiends... but only because of that cloak oversight. If he were healed by ice weapons when his cloak was closed you would have to hold and time your attacks accordingly -- and Jump would be right out. As it stands? He's a pushover.

Um... Golbez had a hard time with us? Dude, have you seen the scorecard?

Rather than taunt and/or doom us with his dying breath, Rubicant instead leaves us with his approval and admiration. He's actually a pretty stand-up dude when he's not, you know, destroying civilizations.


Shortly thereafter, a voice rings out from the adjacent hallway.


♪♪ Hey, Cid! ♪♪

It turns out to be another team of flunkies from Eblan, hell-bent on standing by their prince. Presumably they got luckier than the previous team of flunkies who ate it in the caves outside the tower.



After receiving the chamberlain's gratitude for keeping a leash on his errant prince, the topic then turns to Golbez. Kind of strange to think that Eblan has sustained heavier losses than any country so far, but still hasn't so much as heard the man's name.

"Why the moon?" "For the power." is one of those little exchanges that makes me love this game. It's like, everyone just takes for granted that there is power on the moon. I mean, that's where the power lives. It stands to reason.

Edge then invites himself along as a full-time teammate. Rydia has nothing pithy to say about the situation this time, though.


I like to think that "good fortune be with you" is a standard Eblanian (Eblutch?) phrase, which is why the flunkies all recite it in unison.

And that "okey dokey!" is the appropriate, traditional response.


With that, the chamberlain and his flunkies rush off. Edge is one of us for good, now. And man, he might be the weakest of us, but one certainly cannot deny his fervor for smashing bad guys.


♪♪ Prelude ♪♪

Speaking of crystals... we just hit the motherlode!

...or not.


...fucking hell, you guys. Somewhere, Golbez is watching a security camera and laughing his ass off.



♪♪ Tower of Bab-il ♪♪

Yep, this is definitely the Underground segment of Bab-il, which we observed a few hours ago but couldn't actually reach. Of course the actual exit should be unreachable from this point, even if Golbez hadn't destroyed it at the end of our previous adventure here.



♪♪ Fight 1 ♪♪

Now that we're clear of the boss fight, here are Edge's new spells in action. Er, Grudgers absorb lightning damage, but you get the point.

Generally speaking, Flame, Flood and Blitz just don't pack enough of a punch to be worth casting. I'd have deep fried a testicle for a cheap, reliable 800-ish damage spell back in Magnes or Zot, but monsters are just too beefy now for this kind of damage to be worthwhile.

I've always felt like Edge needed another tier of attack spells, something that could clear mooks at least as well as Rydia's mid-level monsters. I mean, what else is his MP really good for? He does eventually get two Ninja spells worth casting, but both are utility spells and both are very situational.


♪♪ Tower of Bab-il ♪♪

I think at this point the designers were getting as sick of Bab-il as we are. This is the third section of the tower we've explored, and it's mercifully short.


It is, in fact, where Golbez has been docking the Red Wings!

♪♪ Hey, Cid! ♪♪

Edge brings some much-needed moral ambiguity to this team of goodniks. Remember, kids: stealing from the enemy is Okay with a capital O!


Rosa, if you knew how to spot a goddamn trap we'd be walking out the front door with a duffel bag full of crystals right about now.

Edge, who seems uncommonly cheerful for someone who just watched his monster parents commit suicide about fifteen minutes ago, and who presumably has never seen an airship before in his life, commandeers this vessel and names it the Falcon.


♪♪ The Airship ♪♪

...which enables us to finally escape that godforsaken tower!

And, hey, check this out! Airship in the Underworld! Time for six more hours of random explori--


...oh, I guess the Falcon has the same problem the Enterprise did: it flat out can't fly over lava. Well, okay.


♪♪ Land of Dwarves ♪♪

Not a lot else we can do here, then, except go stalking back up to Giott with our tail between our legs and nothing but basketfuls of epic failure to report.

Next: "Food? How can these people eat such tasteless..."

Okay. Truth is, I've been a little unfair to Edge's Sneak command.

...

...no I haven't. The command sucks, pure and simple. It's actual purpose is to try and swipe items from monsters. Which would be well and good, even with the gargantuan failure rate, except for two little details:

1) The stolen item is always the monster's most common drop, and

2) the most common drop is almost always something stupid, like a Heal or a Cure2.

However! The game doesn't make any effort to remember whether or not Edge has already stolen an item, so if you happen to find a monster whose most common drop is something decent, you can use Sneak to farm that item as much as you want.

To my knowledge, there is only one such monster in the game.

In the very last dungeon you will fight lots of EpeeGirl's big sister Kary. (Not the Kary you're supposed to save for after Tiamat. Just a boring ol' regular encounter Kary.) If Kary drops something after battle, it'll be a pack of ten Artemis Arrows. These are the strongest arrows in the game which cannot be purchased anywhere. Other than fighting Karys you will only come across, like, twenty of them in the whole game. It's a classic "too awesome to use" situation.

But thanks to Edge, you can get as many of these arrows as you want. They actually help Rosa deal pretty respectable damage in the endgame, if you can find a spare round where she doesn't need to be casting Cure4.

So it turns out Sneak is better than Sing after all! But just barely.

Milon commonly does it in the Giant.

But you gave me a nice gift (or two) for mine. Thanks, Brickroad!

And I didn't even have to pull out my new variant of the Frothing Demand Bird.

Edge comes equipped with two Short Swords. You're a filthy liar, Brickroad.

And Kain should be in the front row. Because

Kain
..Rydia
Cecil
..Rosa
Edge

Is the only acceptable endgame formation.

THEN WHY DID I BUY ANOTHER ONE, HUH

This is just stupid and wrong, and your face is ugly, and also your mom.

Wrong. Rydia in the back-row middle for life.

Why?

Because when she does a summon, you get this.



--------------------Kain
---------0---Cecil
---- 0 Rydia 0
---------0----Edge
--------------------Rosa


And that's the best.

This man knows whereof he speaks.