"One to be born from a dragon..." -- Let's Play Final Fantasy II

Square has never been good at any of its multimedia efforts (anyone watch Advent Children?), so I kinda doubt the FFIV movie/manga/whatever will be any good.

Advent Children was fecking awesome. I don't care what anyone says.

Needed more Cait Sith though.

Advent Children Complete on blu-ray was a lot easier to watch and much better than the original. Of course, I saw the original on a subtitled bootleg, so that might have had something to do with it.

I was thinking of Christopher Lloyd as Tellah actually. Think Doc Brown with magic and a bad memory.

Now, see, what I'd do is, I'd cut out the entire Antlion/SandRuby subplot, have Rosa join the party before they go to the cave passage. It can probably also lose the Dark Elf, and just about everything in the Underworld besides King Giott and the Tower of Bab-il. Where I suppose they'd find Edge on their first (and this time, only) run, and fight Rubicante there.

Oh, and Yang and Cid stay dead.

It'd probably still require more than one movie. And I don't like the idea of merging Kain and Golbez.

Wait, that wasn't intentional? Cid was always chafing against people.

I think this is the key to making an adaptation work. This would be the first theatrically released movie scored by Uematsu, using music from back when he was awesome! Just hearing a good orchestration of much of the game's soundtrack blasted through the theater speakers would make it a lot easier to swallow any sort of cuts or reworking of the plot that a movie would have to do. Even in the best written versions of the game much of the plot was kinda silly, but the music made it all feel right.

Here's another idea about how to fit more of the game into a movie's limited run time: have the cast sing their dialogue in tune with the background music. Sounds corny? Consider how the games work. You're reading the dialogue while music plays in the background. Actors don't say the lines, so the dialogue and music don't interfere with eachother. You can take in both at the same time. In contrast, whenever the cast of a TV show or movie say their lines, the music goes quiet or silent. If a movie based on the games had to do this, it would take twice as long to convey the dialogue and the music because they couldn't happen simultaneously. But if the cast can sing their lines, with their voices replacing one of the instruments of the music, the audience could take in the words and the music at the same time, much like playing the game. Not every scene could work this way because sometimes the rhythm of the words is too different from the rhythm of the music, or the character's voice would simply be too different than the instrument they'd have to replace, but there are possibly a lot of scenes that could be sung. If done with some care, I think it could be a really fantastic way of cramming more of the game into a theatrical run time.
This game came out while Star Trek: The Next Generation was on the air. It's the kind of word Captain Picard would use.

I'm amazed it took so long for someone to say this. FF4 doesn't have a "four crystal structure," it already has a three-act one: Crystal Quest, Underworld, Moon. Each arc has a very distinct beginning, conflict, climax, and denouement. It even does the Lord of the Rings thing in the third part where all the world's armies gather to fend off the bad guys. As opposed to "planned trilogies" as I am, this would be the best approach to take for an FF4 movie.

While I would love watching this, where would the money come from? Do it all in front of a green screen with no-name actors and cheap CG from China?

Not enough happens on the moon to justify it getting its own movie, though.

I guess the big narrative high point is Cecil's transformation. But the game seems like it's got the LOTR issue of having 2.5 movies worth of material or so.

Not only that, but there's also the whole theme of redemption that runs through the whole game. First Cecil, then Kain, then Golbez. I can't help but think that losing any one of them would take too much away.

And I'd be willing to see this made with forced perspective, stop-motion, and puppets, like that silent Call of Cthulhu movie.

Maybe they could put Feymarch on the moon along with Bahamut, delaying that sidequest until the third movie, but it wouldn't make sense for Leviathan to swim there after gobbling Rydia, would it (I mean he apparently swims through miles of rock and lava to get to Feymarch, so if he can do that maybe he can teleport to the moon)?

Just the monsters, or all the cast, too?

I think the first thing you'd do would be to axe anything that even remotely resembles a sidequest.

Doing the redemption story for three characters really is overkill, in a movie format. Kainbez is probably the best option. Yang and Fusoya could probably be cut (or their parts reduced to near-null). Edward's role could be reduced and more time devoted to Tellah. The twins might not even be necessary, but at the least they'd be aged up a bit to something less comic-relief-like. Honestly Edge isn't even necessary to the overall plot.

I don't think I'd want to see this hypothetical movie though. Mini-series or anime is generally the way to go for adapting RPGs. Movies require reducing the plot to the point where fans get mad and newcomers don't see what the big deal is (at best).

Sven, you're a nice guy and I like you...

But if your proposed FF4 movie does not end with a ninja killing an alien demigod by throwing a spoon at it ... well... I don't think we can be friends anymore.

It's always bugged me that the lead for the heroes in that is female, where Rosa and Rydia are almost left behind at the end and don't really have any connection to Zeromus. Ah, well

Even then, you'd have to cut quite a bit. There's no way you can condense the main plot into two hours and give it the kind of weight it needs. And be honest, the plot twist that the main characters are actually twin brothers from the moon being controlled by a giant space flea from nowhere? 100 minutes in? It would be a complete asspull no matter how you frame it. A good movie could keep some of the themes and characters, but the plot would be unrecognizable.

The spoon isn't a sidequest, it's a goddamned REQUIREMENT. Truth be told, though, Yang in general's a really hard guy to work back into the game.

(Actually, that one's so goofy that I could see some hack hollywood producer or director embracing the idea.)

I understand this conversation is just a fun thinking exercise, but to cut to the heart of the matter, to make the square(soft) peg that is FF2/4 fit into the round hole that is a movie, you'd have to cut off and shave so much that the thing you'd get would be so far removed from the game (it wouldn't even be called Final Fantasy 4, because standalone movies don't work that way) that, at most, it could reasonably star someone named Cecil, and he might could get an airship at some point. Also, the movie probably wouldn't be good.

Although, none of this is to say that I won't write a knockout, perfectly executed, Oscar-bait script that reconciles all these problems...and keeps the ANTLION, thank you very much...if everyone wants to band together and pay me $1000.

Less than most future-Oscar-winning-scriptwriters are willing to work for, I assure you.

How about Oscar-bait songs? Theme of Love, Rydia, Melody of Lute, and Prologue are just waiting to be arranged, especially for the scene between Edward and Anna. And don't just recycle the lyrics from the Love Will Grow and Pray albums, either!

I don't know, I think you'd have to choose either Tellah or Fusoya (the movie doesn't really need two long beards), and while I was initially thinking Yang and Edge could be cut out entirely, it seems like as far as a movie is concerned, Ninjas and Martial Artists would be better for action sequences than, say, Edward.

If FF4 could only be done well as a miniseries, are there miniseries that have as many different locations, creatures and spell effects as this game? Most sci-fi shows use the same few sets over and over and use good writing, acting and directing to make up for the deficient visuals. Are there any TV shows that are all green screen and look decent? Would it be acceptable for a TV show to superimpose actors upon N64-quality CG if that meant the show could cover the entire story?

I counted nineteen. Eight earth, eight moon, the Sand Ruby, the Lunar Whale bridge crystal, and Golbez's light crystal. Did I miss any?

A Final Fantasy ONE movie would be a whole lot easier to make, there's barely any story in the first place.

Then they'd end up making up a bunch of crap to fill it out. Haven't you always wondered about the star-crossed lovers IKA and RUGA? Or FUKT's daddy issues?

On character kompression:
I don't like it but Gain makes a lot of sense. They share a fair amount of plot.
Palom and Porom could be the same person, with a split personality. Given their relationship it would work pretty well.
Some time around the end of the game a thing happens and Edge pulls a Rydia. Enter Fusoya.

Character reduction:
These ideas all suck, but that comes with the territory.
Sorry boss, I dropped Rydia.
They valiantly defeated the Antlion, but it was too late.
Edward runs ahead of the party after their victory. Far ahead.
Wow, I just realized how few women are playable characters.

Hollywood madness:
Romantic tenson between Rydia and Cecil. Because the leads get the ladies.
Rubicante is actually someones father. It worked so well that one time.
Scarmiglione is just a masochist. It's more kid friendly than zombies.
Tellah teaches Cecil how to job change, through battle. Why waste budget on a new location when you have an old man? Everyone knows all old men are wise.
These are supposed to be funny, please laugh.

This wouldn't save on run time so it would just make the movie feel lonelier. Also, I don't think the Elder would feel safe sending only one child to keep his town's plunderer in check.

Well yeah. If you put Feymarch on the moon to pad out the third movie, they can find out when they get there that they're siblings so they have to break up, Luke and Leia style.

He's Edge's father. He's been possessed by Zemus, so Edge kills him in order to rise to Eblan's throne.

I'm also joking here. Ha ha!

The only ones that come close are the Terry Pratchett two-part stories; Going Postal actually looked a lot like an FF movie would, but that was stretching a budget a LONG way and it didn't have 20% of the cast that you'd need.

It really does seem like the story doesn't fit into a perfect 3-act format or as a trilogy. That's why I think it fits best as a cartoon in the vein of Avatar. You could get away with having a gaggle of incidental characters and only have to pay the same half-dozen voice actors, and the pacing wouldn't be so tight with 40 half-hours to play with.

I guess that means that we can't get Mako to voice Tellah.

I just wrote summaries for the movie trilogy. I should be upset with myself. But I'm not. I thought Golbain sounded horrible, but found halfway through mine that that's what i ended up doing. I cut Edward and Yang from the plot, streamlined a lot. Added some mythos and relevance to eidolons and Rydia. I think I did good, save that 3rd movie lacked slow scenes (I guess to be expected?), and Edge needed some fine-tuning (I last minute added him - 3rd movie needed him desperately).

Regarding Golbain - I'd acknowledged their similarities before, but hadn't realized just how heavy it was. They're pretty much only distinguished by Golbez being Cecil's bro, and Kain wanting Cecil's woman. Stick both traitis on one guy, and it's Golbain. Mine was pretty much a mildly more human Golbez with a fetish for Rosa.

You guys are hurting my soul.

but it's also really funny. My soul is conflicted.

Stinger, Red Wings pillage Mysidia. Roll title. Opening scene, Cecil grows a conscience, gets replaced by Golbez. Says goodbye to Rosa. He and Kain deliver a package to Damcyan, meeting Tellah and his apprentices Palom and Porom along the way. Package turns out to be a bomb, kills Anna and wrecks up the place. Kain turns out to be a traitor, yoinks the crystal, and beats up Prince Edgeward (multiclass bard/ninja) when he tries to stop him. Heroes march on Baron, kill the false king, jack an airship to escape. Kain shows up, tells them Golbez is holding Rosa hostage, and wants the last crystal. Party retrieves the last crystal, Palom & Porom sacrifice themselves in a trap, audience probably cheers. Heroes bring crystal to Golbez, reveals he's controlling Kain, Tellah goes all kaboomy, Kain breaks free and the survivors teleport to freedoms. Dramatic vow of justice, long shot, melancholy music, roll credits. Stay tuned for Part 2, which will throw out any remaining script and be shot by a different director.