HSUP B TCELES - Let's Play FF1! Again!

I don't believe you.

I'd say he's already stolen my heart, but they can't do that in this game, can they?

I don't hate you! You introduced me to Spelunky!

Why you do this to yourself?

A Brickroad Final Fantasy Let's Play makes the best unintentional birthday present. Hope it starts fo reels tomorrow.

Oh dear, I'd nearly forgotten about the punishment the "loser" of the FF1 co-LP had to undertake... This will be funny for those of us in the peanut gallery, at least, if not for poor Brickroad.

Brickroad, the first step in breaking an addiction is admitting you have a problem.

I actually just got back from Pence's, playing a solo rogue D&D adventure. I preemptively suggest the name Rogarr Jones, Dwarf of Action.

Can we call him Moe?

- Eddie

I thought the last FF1 Let's Play came out in a tie?

I WASN'T BEING SERIOUS

If you actually are doing this, though, nobody will think less of you if you savestate/file hack your way past Astos.

I will.

Who's Astos?

I was!

A boss in the early game, notorious (according to Brickroad) for being the sticking point for many solo runs. He has never played a THIEF past Astos, but not for lack of trying. It's simply nearly impossible. According to him, anyway.

Also: you don't know who Astos is? Go read the original GameSpite LP and be enlightened.

Hooray! Brickroad + FF1 = win

Don't back out of this. You posted this before April 1 rolled around (at least in my time zone). That means you're pretty much legally obligated to go through with it.

P.S. I like the new avatar. Fedoras are always awesome.

You poor bastard. Way to give into peer pressure.

$5 says Bricks cries in this one on ASTOS at some point. I want that on youtube, damn it.

(and yes, it is a very stylin' hat. Though I've been thinking top hats are pretty distinguished recently)

I don't quite understand why you've chosen to do this to yourself, but since you are, I'll expect a full youtube video of several deaths, ala the Asshole Mario videos.

Name: YAAD.

Alternatively, the more universally applicable OUCH.

DEAD might be better.

This is going to be crazy! And awesome! I can't wait to see how you manage Astos, and if you get past that, the dungeon leading up to Lich.

Actually, YAUD may be better... the ASTOS fight is nearly impossible even at 50.

Make it TARD.

Let's Play FF1: Solo THIEF Challenge

Two years ago I thought it might be fun to play the original Final Fantasy for you guys. I let you build and name my party. I shared the full sum of my knowledge, showed off all kinds of neat tricks, and after a hard-fought adventure the four Light Warriors BOSS, EDIT, ADAM and SKUB were triumphant over the insidious CHAOS and the nigh-indestructable WarMECH.

A year later I teamed up with my good friend McDohl to go full-hog and complete two of FF1's most difficult challenge runs: solo games with Wh. and Bl. MAGES. You, our magnificent audience, joined the fun by taking sides, talking trash and making hilarious Photoshops. Against all odds, the heroic IKA and RUGA each completed their task, proving that deep down every mage of every color truly is a winner.

And then you started crying for a THIEF solo run. You were relentless. You asked the impossible.

Well, here it is. I won't ask you to name this sad, pathetic THIEF, for I've already given him the only one that fits:


Yes, he is well and truly FUKT.

Well, okay, the first thing you do in Final Fantasy is go kill GARLAND. So let's do that.


Fuck.


Fuck.


Woo hoo!


Fuck.


Fuck.


Fuck.

Well, time to grind, I guess.


You all remember the troubles IKA had grinding against IMPs, don't you? Well, ol' FUKT here has a few more HPs, but the going for him is actually worse. See, IKA was fighting with magic which (unlike FF's bastard cousin Dragon Quest) cannot miss. FUKT can, and does, miss quite frequently.

And that's the dirty, filthy secret of THIEFs: they have no redeeming value. A FIGHTER is exactly the same in every way, except they use better equipment, have higher HPs and can hit harder. All three types of mage are superior because they can either avoid missing or avoid damage. Bl.BELTs are just as squishy but ramp up in damage output so quickly that nothing can stand against them for long.

This is the balance of FF1 solo runs: how quickly can your dude kill shit, vs. how long can they last in a fight? FIGHTERs and RedMAGEs kill shit quickly and can last forever. Bl.MAGEs and Bl.BELTs can only last a few rounds but can murder everything in sight long before then. Wh.MAGEs have no fighting option to speak of but are absolutely indestructable.

THIEFs combine the damage output of a Wh.MAGE with the longevity of a Bl.MAGE. In short, he's everything that sucked about IKA and RUGA, without any of the things that made them awesome.

FUKT sucks.

You know, back when you guys were all doing solo runs, I decided to give a Solo THIEF run a shot (like poor Stryker) with the PSX remake version. I... don't think I made it further then GARLAND before I decided I wanted to do something else instead.

Well, Thieves can run away with pretty well 100% success (except for battles that cannot be run from), which is kind of a Godsend in certain dungeons.

That's their greatest strength: Cowardice.

So is there any reason to use a thief in a normal, 4-person run, Brick?

Except it's bugged in the NES version and they run away the same as any other class.

Oh.

Nevermind then.

FUKT's strategy for the GARLAND fight is to deal as much damage as he can before he has to HEAL. Thankfully, grinding IMPs for the better part of a century leaves him with enough GOLD to purchase a few potions. HEALs only restore about as many HPs as GARLAND can take off with a hit, so FUKT can't actually gain any ground this way... but if he HEALs long enough for GARLAND to miss him, he can (hopefully) turn that slight advantage into a win.


OUT OF THE WAY, SKANK.


Here's a great picture of FUKT running away. He does a lot of this! It's the only thing he's good at.

Actually, THIEFs aren't any better at running away than any other class. I think they're supposed to be, but a bug in the code prevents it from being so. So FUKT even sucks at sucking. A new low.


GARLAND and FUKT trade hits. This might look promising, but consider: this is one of GARLAND's weaker hits, and one of FUKT's stronger ones.


Yep, that's more like it. FUKT almost assuredly cannot win under these conditions.


There's nothin' for it -- we'll just have to see if our HEAL'n'stall strategy pays off.


Fuck.


Back to grinding!