HSUP B TCELES - Let's Play FF1! Again!

You are, of course, correct. I was too busy trying to come up with a line to scrub out the homophobia from the song that still scanned.

(And I failed! Alas!)

♪♪ Main Theme ♪♪

"Is there anything in Earthgift Shrine that can petrify us?" the boys wonder to themselves. Just to be safe, they stock up on some Gold Needles and other essentials in Elfheim before setting off into the optional bonus dungeon.


Now that the Lich-shaped statue is gone, this dwarf and his pet (invisible?) keek went inside to take a look. M-m-monsters!?

This sounds like a job for... the Light Warriors!


♪♪ Mt. Gulg ♪♪

wut


Welcome to Earthgift Shrine, the earth-themed bonus dungeon in Dawn of Souls. As illustrated in my previous post these dungeons are pseudo-random, and on this visit the top floor is this massive endless desert thing.

Most of the enemies in the bonus dungeons are just palette-swaps of stuff you find out in the main game, which is to say they are total pushovers. Zach and the gang are already cutting through the opposition here like wet leaves.

The bosses, though, are fearsome. They are far more difficult than anything else in the game, including Chaos. Which isn't to say that all sixteen of the bonus bosses are harder than Chaos -- but the hardest of them certainly are. As for the Earthgift bosses in particular, as we'll see, they are on an entirely different level from the riffraff we've taken on so far. These guys pick on Lich and Astos in the lunchroom.


Some of the palette-swaps are really, really jarring. After years of orange- and/or grape-flavored goblins, these black ones are terrifying. (They're still not very tough, though.)

So if the monsters are boring and the bosses are excruciating, why come to these dungeons at all?


Phat lewt.

The loot in the bonus dungeons comes in one of two flavors: items that don't exist in vanilla FF1, and equipment that doesn't exist in vanilla FF1. The items are typically of the one-shot spellcasting variety, such as this Spider's Silk which casts Slow. Equipment is rarer, especially in Earthgift, but is totally worth the effort to get.


As you've probably guessed, the desert floor scrolls infinitely in all directions. If you don't care about the treasure (and you probably shouldn't, if this floor is generated on B1) is to wander around until you see one of these arrow-shaped bunches of palm trees, then walk in the direction of the arrow. Heading due north from here would bring me to another arrow, which would lead me to another, and following the daisy chain of arrows would eventually take me to the stairs.

I won't be following the daisy chain myself, though. I've run this floor hundreds of times so I just instinctively know where all the chests are. I figured I'd point out the "trick" to more sane mortals, however.


Mo' treasure.

If the desert had been generated deeper in the dungeon there would be a treasure box in the center of this circle of palms. The first floor never generates all the boxes though, which means I got gypped.


Yep, only two treasures on the top floor of Earthgift Shrine. Once they're done looting the boys seek out the oasis and, more importantly, the down-stairs.


Two of the four floors in Earthgift Shrine are incredibly short dealies using the Earth Cave tileset. These two floors are actually laid out identically to the cave in the intro of Final Fantasy III. They're short, so you can mostly forget about them. Ten seconds, tops.


More spellcasting items. Vampire Fang paralyzes a target, White Fang casts Blizzara. Nice to have laying around the inventory, but it's not going to break anyone's game up.

♪♪ Dungeon ♪♪

Now we come to the real meat of Earthgift Shrine: the horrible pink forest level. This floor is huge and mazelike, impossible to navigate intuitively. Random encounters are ultra-frequent and, to make matters worse, there are soldiers blocking many of the paths which you must fight. Well over 75% of your time in Earthgift Shrine is going to be spent on this ugly, awful floor.

On the plus side, it got generated on B3, which means we'll probably find some good stuff in the boxes here. Since you have to run Earthgift four times to clear all the bosses, the ideal situation is to see this floor once in each possible location, in order to ensure you get all the best treasure.


Treasure #1: Protect Drink. This does exactly what you'd expect.


I don't recommend grinding levels in the bonus dungeons, but if they happen to happen naturally then hey, ain't no thang!

Also I just decided to call this location "Vomit Woods".


Don't fight this guy. The path north is a dead end.


Two soldiers here! The bottom guy always guards a dead end. The top guy always guards a box, but before you fight him make sure you can see the box onscreen. If you can't, it means Vomit Woods came too early in the dungeon and the box wasn't generated, so you shouldn't waste your time.

The Speed Drink doesn't do what you'd expect, assuming you're expecting it to cast Haste. Instead, it raises someone's agility in combat. Not... not really that helpful.


To give an idea just how tough these enemies aren't, here's a pic of Ika one-shotting a Black Goblin... without magic. I had to kill thirty-nine of these monsters in this trip through the dungeon. They're just filler.


I would gladly kill a hundred Black Goblins for gear like this, though! The Black Cowl is the rare treasure from Earthgift's B3, and it gives Percy much-appreciated boosts to all his stats. You aren't guaranteed to find stuff this good on every trip into the dungeon, of course... but it's a nice perk when it happens.



Much of the latter half of Vomit Woods are big open clearings branching off into a bunch of dead ends. Unfortunately, no video game heroes are buried here.


Finally. Is it can be boss time nao?

♪♪ Mt. Gulg ♪♪

Nope, one more FF3 cave to go. Red Fang casts Fira, but you guessed that already.


Finally, the boss floor! The haps here is: there are four rooms, each containing a boss. One you beat one you are forced to leave the dungeon, so you have to run it again if you want to kill the rest of the bosses.

This sounds like bullshit, but it averages out to one boss fight per five floors, which is about par for the course in these bonus dungeons. I don't really take issue with being forced to run the dungeon multiple times; the only real problem is Vomit Woods and how boring it is.


♪♪ Boss Battle A ♪♪

The bonus dungeon bosses all come from previous/future FF games (depending on how you look at it). Earthgift Shrine's bosses come from the World of Darkness at the very end of FF3. (So if you're following TheSL's LP... uh... spoiler alert, I guess.)

These bosses are tough, but surely nothing Zach and his homies can't handle, right?


Well uh okay so I guess they don't take a lot of damage from attacks. Let's try m--


Holy fucksauce.

Yeah, so Cerberus knows this spell called Thunderbolt, which the FF wiki describes as such: "Sarah Palin's gon' make your face pay for a rape kit." Also, he's got 4000 HPs and is resistant to all magic.

So the strategy here is to... uh... save before the Cerberus fight so when he kills us we can reload and fight someone else instead. Go, team, go!

The second boss is Echidna, one of the more terrifying-looking monsters in the FF series.


Once again my meatiest hits are just bouncing off of him. Let's try magic...


Whoops! Nope, it's resistant to magic, too.


Echidna's favorite attack is Earthquake, which is an instant KO spell. Through some manner of divine intervention everyone happens to survive the first such spell... so all I have to do to win the fight is get this lucky enough rounds in a row to chip away at the boss's almost-5000 HPs. Shudder... just had a FUKT v. ASTOS flashback.


While waiting for the ceiling creature to drop the gang into a bottomless pit, Ika decides to step up and use his biggest, baddest spell: Firaga. Echidna feels a mild tingle.


BlBelt doesn't survive the next Earthquake. Then Percy gets taken out with Death. Down my two strongest attackers, things are looking pretty bleak for the gang. How bleak? Well...


Echidna knows Flare.

Yep, one of the bosses in the first bonus dungeon can use the most powerful L8 Black Magic spell. Ika has no chance against this kind of damage; it's pretty miraculous that Zach managed to survive as it is.

Not that he survives for long, of course. If the constant Earthquakes or Deaths don't get him, the next Flare certainly would. Well, we're two for two -- who else wants some?

Ahriman is next, and just for fun he shows us he can heal himself by casting Curaga in the first round. Not for any real reason, you understand. Just to be a dick. "Hey guys, if you can't do at least 168 damage to me per round, you might never win! Also I banged your mom! Ika, I banged your mom twice!"


The best thing Ahriman can do to me is attack me, which as you can see still amounts to a crapload of damage. If this was all he did he would win, since the only thing I can do to heal myself is use Potions for 50 HP each.

Thanks for not letting me use a White Mage, guys! What, did someone tell you all they suck, or something? Bunch of meanies.


Oh yeah, Ahriman knows Earthquake too. Ika celebrates by trying to cast Haste on Percy anyway. lollerquakes!



Not only does Ahriman have Cerberus's Thunderbolt spell, he's also got Blaze and Icestorm. These spells hit harder than the -aga class elemental spells, and are the primary reason you will never, ever win this fight if you come to Earthgift right after taking out Lich.

Oh shit, did I forget to mention that coming to Earthgift right after taking out Lich is a bad idea? Sorry about that. Oh well, one boss to go, and thankfully this one doesn't have any instant-death attacks or super-damaging elemental magic.


No, one-shotting me with constant multi-hit criticals is more his style.


♪♪ Mt. Gulg ♪♪

Yeah, no shit, you think?

"But Brick! Isn't there anything you could do? You're like the FF1 guy!"

The truth is, I'm severely underleveled and lacking in the spells necessary to make Earthgift's bosses work for me. The earliest you want to come here is with a White Mage who can cast L6 magic. Said White Mage would have incredibly useful abilities like NulDeath (to help survive Earthquake), all three elemental Nul spells (to survive Blaze, Thunderbolt etc.), Protera and Invisira (to take the bite out of the physical attacks) and, of course, the all-important Healara. (You'd still want a Black Mage too, of course, for Haste.)

As for my team, I really only have one option here, and only against one of the four bosses: if I could land Slowra on the 2-headed Dragon, I could bring its attacks down to a more palatable level and possibly survive. It's then a race to see whose HPs hold out the longest, and if I could get my Hastes up and keep on top of my Potions I might win. Even so, 2-headed Dragon infrequently uses that all-powerful Blaze attack, which after a few rounds of whacking me would probably be a OHKO.

All told, I probably spent about twenty minutes on this failed Earthgift run. But! There is light at the end of the tunnel! See, dying inside a bonus dungeon doesn't give you a game over; it just kicks you out with everyone at 1HP. So even though each of the four bosses made pretty, pretty little girls of us, Percy gets the last laugh because he gets to keep his Black Cowl.

That's right: Percy is officially Batman.


♪♪ Main Theme ♪♪

Hey look, here's a dot on the map we haven't been to yet.

♪♪ Town ♪♪

Crescent Lake is home to L6 magic, the famous Circle of Sages, and one of the most passive-aggressive housewives in RPG history.


♪♪ Shop ♪♪

It's also home to Mythril equipment though, which is rad as all hell. Here's that awesome sword you can't buy in Elfheim anymore! As you can see, it's better than any of the magic blades we've been finding in treasure boxes by a couple points of ATK. Also gloves or whatever, but who cares.


♪♪ Town ♪♪

As kids we would always stand right in the middle of the sages and joke about how it looked kinda like a green donut.

GREEN DONUT INFODUMP GO!


Here's the jist:

1. The world is made up of four elements.
2. Each element has a corrosponding fiend.
3. Every two hundred years one of these fiends wakes up to BUST SOME HEDZ.
4. The first two fiends are already active, but we intercepted the third before it could do too much damage.
5. Doing so caused the last fiend to wake up early. OH NOES.
6. There's lots of cryptic stuff these cats ain't telling us, and won't until we take care of this fiend problem.

Fun fact: in the NES version, the "cast into flame" guy is translated as saying "The Fire FIEND will burn everything up!" That line always made me giggle because I could pretend that particular sage was a nervous toddler.

Anyway, one of the sages has something useful for us:


With our handy canoe, Zach and the boys can row themselves west and see about nipping this fire fiend business all up in the bud.

And that's just what they intend to do.

Next: "The power of burning flame is mine and mine alone!"

Black on Black violence is a terrible thing.

It keeps your potions frosty?

Heh, I was trying to figure out if there was any way to beat the bosses with that party at that time. Guess not.

I think you forgot to mention the most essential spell against the bonus bosses. It's Temper, which stacks repeatedly with itself.

I actually did all these bosses right after beating Lich; I had a White Mage instead of a Monk, which helped, but I think you can do it with Bl.Belt. Two members popping Hi-potions should be able to keep up with the damage after the proper preparations.

I think you can get a Curtain item from one of those random chests to cast NulShock, which may give you the edge against Cerberus. And if you land Slowra against ol' Two-heads it completely neuters him - it reduces him down to 1Hit.

Basically what I'm saying is, buy more Hi-potions and Phoenix Downs from Crescent Lake and get back in there, soldier!

Ahriman is probably impossible at this point, but the others can be beaten with some luck and a load of items.

Did you see me pick up a Blue Curtain?

I should have brought Slowra. I'm playing a GBA, but my brain is still playing an NES. =)

Still no good without Curtains, though.

Echidna is female. It's clearer in the original Amano art and the high-res PSP sprite, but you can still make out that drooping breast.

Whatever it is, it's still terrifying. I'm-a have trouble sleeping after this update.

Clearly, it's an echidna.




The likeness is uncanny. It's all green and snakelike and hangs from the ceiling, just like an echidna!

The Echidna of Greek mythology, which is different from the spiny anteater, was called the mother of all monsters, because, well, she pretty much was. She was the wife of Typhon, the most dreadful and powerful of all monsters, and the two of them churned out most of the terrible beasties of myth. She was described as having the upper body of a nymph and the lower body of a hideous serpent, and feasted upon raw flesh in her secret cave deep beneath the earth. Upon the gods' victory, Typhon was sealed under Mount Etna because they were not powerful enough to kill him, but Echidna was allowed to live, deep in her hidden cave, as a challenge to future heroes.

She was killed in her sleep by the giant Argos Panoptes, who was later appointed by Hera the task of keeping the nymph Io away from Zeus. He was killed trying to do this.

Well thanks for that. I had never noticed it before, and now it's all I can see.

THERE ARE THINGS

THINGS THAT CAN NEVER BE UNSEEN

I think its husband ChuponTyphon would have some words with you, smartypants

THERE SURE ARE.



HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Wow. Two Percy feminizations in two days. What have we become?

Female? We clearly have gender realignment on the brain.

Wait, so you're saying WE'RE the ones who woke up Kary Curly Kali Marilith when we killed, er, unkilled, uh, rekilled the Lich while playing? Oops. ^^;

That's actually pretty awesome, though. I always thought it strange that fire wasn't mentioned in Dawn of Souls' opening, and now I know! Didn't think of it that way before.

Final Fantasy III's DS remake and Final Fantasy IV Advance's Draculady recolor given that name in the bonus dungeon made it pretty clear, too. Echidna with her madeover Famicom sprite is definitely among the freakier bonus bosses in Dawn of Souls.

Don't blame me, you were thinking it.

I feel like LPs get horrifying more and more these days.

Do you see now why your mom told you to wear a bra, Knuckles?

It just keeps getting better.

OH GOD

OH GOD

OH GOD

And the worst part is that the yellow and red recolors don't mesh as well with the black outline as the green, so that final, unfortunate pixel DOES look like a hanging nipple D8

In spite of the horrifying Echidna sprite edits (or because of them), I just wanna let you know that this LP and the Spite Club for FFII got me to pick up Dawn of Souls again. Also, I'm surprised someone hasn't done a reference to The Bouncer with an edit yet.

She is already female. That wouldn't be nearly horrifying enough.

That hairstyle's horrifying. =/