A Tale of Two Scripts: Let's play FF3 US & FF6 RPGOne!

Found it. He calls himself ore-sama, which is only slightly less arrogant than calling oneself "The Almighty One". And he does in fact say "Adios amigos" (or rather, "Adios amigo"; hardly the only awkward non-Japanese in the Japanese script).

By "awkward," I assume you mean "hilarious," right?

To be fair, that one at least looks like the beginning of a German.

I'm sorry, but that being called "a [nationality]" makes me think of a sexual position illegal in 23 states.

Nice. That's what I would have guessed.

The engine? No, sir.

He clearly Suplexes the entire train.

*sigh* kids these days....

Of course, the only reason you can do that is because someone accidentally forgot to tick the "can't suplex" flag for that boss originally. And it became such a popular memetic mutation that they left it unchanged for the GBA release. A surprising lot of bosses are immune to Suplex (or Meteostrike, if you prefer the "proper" translation), even ones that logically shouldn't be (ie. they're not particularly impressive in size or theoretically fixed in place).

Then again, it is a ghost train. Maybe it's just that it was never on the rails to begin with and weighs basically nothing.

My favorite bit of suplex wankery is one I discovered reading the 1 MB plus FF VI Advance guide on GameFAQs. Even though Sabin can bench and summarily suplex a train, he is incapable of suplexing Nut-Eaters - because he has an innate fear of squirrels for some reason.

Actually, that's true. His bio even mentions he hates squirrels. In fact, I think I should share the character bios for each character as they come up. We'll start with the ones we have so far (with a few spoilers hidden for sake of drama).

Name: Tina Branford (Terra Branford)
Age: 18
Class: Magic Warrior
Height: 168cm (5'6")
Weight: 48kg (106lbs)
Birthday: 10/18
Zodiac Sign: Libra
Blood Type: Unknown
Birthplace: Unknown
Favorite Thing: Animals
Least Favorite Thing: Crowded places
Hobby: Playing with Moglies
Treasured Possession: A broken fragment of a mysterious stone

Name: Lock Cole (Locke Cole)
Age: 25
Class: Adventurer
Height: 175cm (5'9")
Weight: 67kg (148lbs)
Birthday: 11/24
Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius
Blood Type: O
Birthplace: Unknown
Favorite Thing: Maps
Least Favorite Thing: Mushrooms
Hobby: Taking long naps
Treasured Possession: His bandanna

Name: Edgar Roni Figaro
Age: 27
Class: Machinist
Height: 183cm (6'0")
Weight: 77kg (170lbs)
Birthday: 8/16
Zodiac Sign: Leo
Blood Type: O
Birthplace: Figaro
Favorite Thing: Women
Least Favorite Thing: Lectures
Hobby: Developing strange weapons, changing his bedroom's appearance
Treasured Possession: A very special coin

Name: Matias Rene Figaro (Sabin Rene Figaro)
Age: 27
Class: Monk
Height: 190cm (6'3")
Weight: 106kg (234lbs)
Birthday: 8/16
Zodiac Sign: Leo
Blood Type: O
Birthplace: Figaro
Favorite Thing: Walnuts
Least Favorite Thing: Nut Eaters (Squirrels)
Hobby: Practicing martial arts
Treasured Possession: A very special coin

Name: Cayenne Garamonde (Cyan Garamonde)
Age: 50
Class: Samurai
Height: 178cm (5'10")
Weight: 72kg (159lbs)
Birthday: 1/03
Zodiac Sign: Capricorn
Blood Type: A
Birthplace: Doma
Favorite Thing: Traditions
Least Favorite Thing: Machines
Hobby: Collecting old weapons
Treasured Possession: A portrait of his family that he keeps in his pocket at all times

Name: Shadow
Age: Unknown (late 30's?)
Class: Assassin
Height: Unknown
Weight: Unknown
Birthday: Unknown
Zodiac Sign: Unknown
Blood Type: Unknown
Birthplace: Unknown
Favorite Thing: Hard-boiled eggs
Least Favorite Thing: Dreams
Hobby: Unknown
Treasured Possession: A pocket watch with someone's portrait in it

Name: Celes Chere
Age: 18
Class: Rune Knight
Height: 172cm (5'8")
Weight: 58kg (128lbs)
Birthday: 3/10
Zodiac Sign: Pisces
Blood Type: B
Birthplace: Vector
Favorite Thing: Antique picture-books
Least Favorite Thing: Weak men
Hobby: Taking care of Dr. Cid's greenhouse roses, making topiaries
Treasured Possession: A rose that Dr. Cid gave to her, which he called "Celes"

For some reason it annoys me that the shortest person on that list is still taller than me.

And Celes' favorite thing being a flower with the same name is kinda creepy. "Good morning, Lil' Celes! Time for your drinky! And then a little drinky for me...."

Coconut Lil' Celes doesn't die when you need her.

It's funny how everyone's ages seem somewhat appropriate, as opposed to the new-normal teens saving the world thing, but then Celes is only 18. I mean, genetic engineering or not, how hard is it to become a General in that army if the 18-year-old can be one of the "best"?

Okay, now I'm picturing Sabin/Matias having to fight Squirrel Girl.

Celes was a recipient of freako Magitek magic infusion, which alone counts for a lot.

Yeah, the Empire's Generals always seemed to be less of the "proved themselves and worked their way through the ranks" type of officer and more the "could beat any twelve normal soldiers with one hand tied behind their back" type of officer. Asskicking equals authority and all that.

Ah, thank you for reminding me by proxy. I neglected three important cast members we've already met!

Name: Bannan (Bannon)
Age: 54
Class: Priest
Height: 172cm (5'8")
Weight: 70kg (154lbs)
Birthday: 10/23
Zodiac Sign: Scorpio
Blood Type: A
Birthplace: South Figaro
Favorite Thing: Peace
Least Favorite Thing: Chaos and confusion
Hobby: Reading

Name: Leo Cristophe
Age: 30
Class: General
Height: 188cm (6'2")
Weight: 83kg (183lbs)
Birthday: 7/08
Zodiac Sign: Cancer
Blood Type: O
Birthplace: Vector
Favorite Thing: Honorable fighting
Least Favorite Thing: Cowardly fighting
Hobby: Listening to music

And of course, the crown jewel of comedy...

Name: Cefca Palazzo (Kefka Palazzo)
Age: 35
Class: General
Height: 167cm (5'6")
Weight: 48kg (106lbs)
Birthday: 11/19
Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius
Blood Type: AB
Birthplace: Unknown
Favorite Thing: Mirrors
Least Favorite Thing: General Leo
Hobby: Playing with dolls

Tall dude.

Bannon is clearly Hagrid.

Actually, that's a typo. He's 5'8".

Still, though.

That art is obviously non-canon, as if Bannon had a sword, he would be too awesome.

Insert Spaceballs quote here.

How can both Sabin and Edgar keep that same special coin?

Not only do I refuse to believe I'm older than Leo, I refuse to believe that he's younger than Kefka. I always got the impression that Leo was this 40-50-something veteran who found the 20-something jester's inhumanity disgusting and barely tolerable.

Then again, if Kefka was an actual, serious military general before the infusion, and a taste for colorful clothes (and playing with dolls) is one of the symptoms of his insanity, I can buy it. Reluctantly.

And it's IMPOSSIBLE for a man of Banon's girth to be just 70kg! Amano's waifish girls and guys, sure, they can be 2lbs if they want to. But look at him!

Welcome to the wonderful world of Squaresoft character bios. Wherein everyone is 25 to 50% lighter than they should be for their size, and often an age that makes no sense. You should see how ludicrous this gets in Chrono Cross, where many characters in their mid-teens are reported to weigh about as much as a 10-year-old does. The heaviest human character in that game barely tops 220lbs.

Greco, Macha, Zappa, ZOAH, Viper, or Riddel? (She hides it well.)

Though I probably wouldn't be surprised if NORG and Brahne officially weighed 120lbs put together.

Ah, seems Greco is a bit more realistic 271lbs. But laughably Macha is reported to be 150lbs, ZOAH is a dainty-for-his-size 203lbs, Zappa's a spritely 181lbs, Viper's a somewhat-believable 216lbs, and Riddel could be knocked over by a feather at only 104lbs.

In the FF universe, everyone has hollow bones. FFXV will star a group of plucky teenage birdmen.

Are we talking about Final Fantasy or Tactics Ogre here?

Is it bad that sounds awesome?

Final Fantasy 15: Legacy of the Chozo

It's kind of what I thought/hoped that The Crystal Bearers would be after the first trailer.