A Tale of Two Scripts: Let's play FF3 US & FF6 RPGOne!

♪♪ The Day After ♪♪

But first, let's depress Lola some more.

I got worried when the letters stopped coming... I lied to myself... But, I'm okay now. I don't entirely understand it, but the man who wrote those letters to me seemed to have a sickness at heart... I, too, have a similar feeling as he does... I wish I could meet him, if that were possible..."



Hey, uh, Edgar? I don't think Cayene wants you telling her this.



He'd rather say it himself without being identified. Mind you, Lola's bound to realize it's him after he said THAT.



Well, that backfired. Now Lola's cheered up.



And with that, our little plot cul-de-sac is neatly tied up.



♪♪ Veldt ♪♪

Off to the Veldt to hunt a wild Gau!



Found one! Quick, toss a Pokeball at it!



Wild Gau was caught! Name it? Yes / > No



♪♪ Forest of Illusion ♪♪

Cave on the Veldt
Enemies: Two Cutter, Gorgimera

Looks like we've got yet another dungeon to explore now.



There's a dog in here. That's random.



That seems to be the case, yes.



And people! Maybe the dog belongs to them.

"I don't know why, but he kept his distance from us when all four of us were together."
"If you want the boy to come near you, try approaching him with only three people in your party. Hmm, just take a party member out of the group."
"There are huge dinosaurs living in a forest north of the Veldt. They're so strong that nobody has been able to defeat them yet. ...But, if somebody could defeat them, they would be quite powerful, indeed."

Hints on Gau and yet another thing to check out at some point in the future. Gotcha.



Oh boy, another of these.



Easiest hard enemy ever.



Matias will be thrilled.

That sounds familiar... Didn't some old woman say someone was hunting for that at the Coliseum?



Hey, is that...?



Shadow!



Better get him outta here.



Uh, Celes?



Yeah, that.



♪♪ Decisive Battle ♪♪

This guy's a surprising pushover for being so massive. He's weak vs. Fire, which we have plenty of.



And he runs, the coward!



BeHIND me!?



Where!?



Ahh, kill it with FIRE!



Or kill it with life, terrible terrible life!



Oh yes, that just happened.



♪♪ Victory ♪♪

Nice spoils! That'll come in handy if we ever get Relm or Strago back.



Why Thamasa, you ask? Because... pants.

Well, he IS Shadow. Having nightmares are kinda his thing.



Oh drama! Clyde runs off and his faithful canine follows! If you haven't figured it out yet... no, if you haven't figured it out yet, I'm not gonna tell you. It's too obvious to say.



♪♪ Stragos' Theme ♪♪

Sure, why not? Hooray for 1 Gil inns! You cool with that, Shadow?



I'll be find once I recuperate a bit."

Excellent, let's talk to people in town too.

Walking Around
Boy "There's no fun places left."
Man "A while back, I saw a humongous monster shaped like a fish flying through the skies."
Woman "You can see Eboshi Rock for the first time in 50 years now. Maybe it arose during the earthquakes that destroyed the world? Anyway, if you want to see it, head north of the village." {Eboshi Rock? Now we're back into Miyazaki rip-off territory! ...Hmm? Princess Mononoke came out 3 years after this game, and there's a real place called Eboshi Rock? Oh, nevermind then!}
Thief "After the world was destroyed, I found myself at Doma Castle, all alone. Whenever I tried to sleep, evel spirits entered my dreams... Urgh... It scares me just thinking about it..."

Mayor's House
Village's Mayor "It's been a full year since the world was destroyed... Looking back on it, it seems like it's been such a long time."



Ah, sad memories...



♪♪ Searching for Friends ♪♪

Thamasa Area
Enemies: Purusha, Badb Catha, Gloom Wind

Back on the world map again, now's a good time to mention just how much the world has changed. Let's see a handy comparison map!



There was some serious continental shift after the end, as you can see. But the single most dramatic change was that Thamasa broke off of the Veldt and traveled HALF THE GODDAMN WORLD to the south of where it used to be.



♪♪ Johnny C. Bad ♪♪

Anyway, let's see what people here are up to.

Entrance
Thief "If you bid valuable items, you'll get even more valuable items if you win."
Guard "This is the Coliseum at the Dragon Head. Confident warriors gather here to challenge one another and win items."
Orthros "This Orthros is now working at the Coliseum as a receptionist... T'hoho. Well then... You should be careful on choosing an item to bid. Choose poorly, and master Typhon will come out and punish you!" {He's not kidding, either. And some jerkass made it so you can't cancel out of a match if you bid an item. Classy, Square.}
Thief "All battles against monsters in the Coliseum are one-on-one and automatic."
Imperial Soldier (!) "I'm an Imperial soldier! ...And probably the only surviving one. I gave some information to a friend of mine wearing a bandanna recently. 'Talk to the Emperor twice' was the hint I gave him on finding the location of Emperor Ghastra's treasure. I don't know what it means, myself."

Side Room
Siegfried "Recently, somebody has been impersonating me. Be wary, and don't be deceived." {My theory here is that this is the REAL legendary warrior Siegfried, and this is the first time we've actually met him. Both of our previous 'Siegfried' encounters were with the impostor!}

Back Room
Old Man "The receptionist, Orthros? Well... He couldn't pay off his debt to me, so he had to take a desk job. He should have his debt paid off in about 100 years or so."
Bartender "The greatest warriors of the world gather here."
Thief "There's a frightening fellow in the Coliseum, all dressed in black. He's apparently searching for a legendary blade known as the Ichigeki."
Thief "What an amazing crowd!"



Alright, let's get our Shadow back.



Incidentally, fixing this to not say Shadow Chupon took a lot of work on ChrisRPG's behalf. But he managed to do it, and to date this is the only SNES version I'm aware of that has the fix in place.



♪♪ Shadow's Theme ♪♪

Yeah, that's basically the fight right there.



*Shadow raises his finger*
Shadow "The only pleasure left to me in this world is battling..."
"Why don't you come with us?"
Shadow "I suppose..."
Shadow "Fighting is all I have left... That's why I came here."

Well, that was good. So, we're 3 allies up and have a plethora of quests open to us! Come back next time to find out who will be (re-)joining our ranks next!

Fair enough. The original idea was to make it a haiku, even though the Japanese version's text there isn't. But I forgot the syllable count was supposed to be 5, 7, 5. Then I forgot it was too many syllables. Then I forgot I cared.

If you were having that kind of trouble then why didn't you go to Narshe and get Mog and the Moogle Charm?

I always liked the Colosseum. I don't know why something like it hasn't been used in more RPGs. Shadow and Umaro were usually my Colosseum MVPs/first string. Shadow got there because he had the additional Cover-Counter that Interceptor provided on top of all of the other blocking/evasion he could get from different gear.

I don't know what it is but I've always liked this line.

But you could argue about the last part of it. Well... Cyan might be mighty but he's not mighty fast.

It never really occurred to me, to be honest. Running to the back of Narshe to get SPOILER seems like more of a slog than just redoing the first three screens of Kefka's Tower a couple of times.

I mean, we'll get SPOILER eventually, of course. Just not yet.

Well, FF samurais have a long and storied history of being so slow in combat as to be practically ineffective, right? Right?

Cyan's slowness never bothered me that much. If he goes last, then you usually have enough time to charge up a tech while everyone else's animation goes off. It's not great for boss battles, but he usually mops up on random encounters.

Seeing the world map compairson like that is freaky. Partly because of how drastically the world changes (hilariously the one place in the world that seems more or less unchanged is Triangle Island), but also because you really don't see the world map in FF6 'flat' like that. It's either slanted with the Mode 7 on foot, or rotating wildly with the Mode 7 airship.

Also, what's the 'Allo Ver' called in the original/the fantranslation? Was the name always some kind of wordplay or was that just more Ted being Ted?

Yeah, it is pretty jarring. Incidentally, I made that comparison map ages ago to show a friend of mine just how different the two are. I did it the hard way, and re-mapped the entirety of both worlds in RPG Maker 2003 and then screencapped the results and melti-merged them with Paint Shop Pro.

It was Ted being Ted, but once again with a bit of Nintendo-censorship-justified explanation: the enemy's called Death Penalty in both FF6RPGone and FF6A.

Wow, that's crazy. I certainly wouldn't know anything about recreating an RPG's world map in an RPGMaker.

Back when I was making Final Fantasy II (NES) for RPGMaker 95 the first thing I did, which kickstarted the whole project, was recreate its world map in the editor. >_>

"One Strike" Blade? Is this a literal translation of Assassin's Blade?

Is it a bad thing that the first thing I thought of when I read that was Super Robot Wars?

I like the fact that the remake throws a bone to us dumb American gaijin and has one guy say that Shadow's looking for some sort of "Itchy Gecko".

Nah, Woolsey called it the Striker. Ichigeki no Yaiba is its fully untranslated name. Not easy to translate into English without sounding ridiculous, especially since there's already an Assassin Dagger in the game. Realizing that, I (and the FF6A team) left all of Shadow's special blades untranslated.

Welp, it's technically Friday morning, and you know what that means: time to get this LP off the second page! Maybe some day I'll go back to going to bed at a reasonable hour and posting these updates in the actual morning.

Last week... huh, I’m still kind of shell-shocked from writing such a long update... let’s see, we got Shadow, and the Fixed Dice, and... oh yeah, Gau and the old creeper. Next step: checking out Jidoor, as it’s one of the few cities left we haven’t visited since the Apocalypse (not counting Gau’s makeover). Let’s just hop on the Falcon and-


AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!

Oh, wait, it’s just Doom Gaze. This guy, one of the big monsters released by the end of the world (along with the eight dragons and Phunbaba), is the only “random” encounter you can have on the airship. Rather than being a function of how far you’ve traveled like normal random encounters, Doom Gaze hangs out in one spot on the map randomly chosen when you board the Falcon.

Like any good air demon, Doom Gaze shows up with no warning, unleashes a whirlwind of destruction and then is gone before he can be caught. He leads off any battle with an auto-cast L.5 Doom, on his first turn he uses one of Doom, Attack, or Blizzaga, on his second turn he uses Aera or Doom, and then for his third turn he Flees. Even with Fixed Dice and Bum Rush Sabin and Setzer can’t take down his 55K HP before that happens (Edgar was killed by the opening Lore and Celes was Doomed before she could act). Additionally he has Auto-Protect and Auto-Shell, protecting him from many sources of damage.

We’ll get him next time, I’m sure.


“The world’s so different now...”

Fortunately for us, about half the residents are too rich and self-absorbed to have noticed a little thing like the end of the world, so it’ll be a fairly short talking time.
Overalls: Lately I’ve seen a lot of carrier pigeons flying towards Maranda. Who can be sending all the letters?
Townsman: I saw the Emperor recently! A painting of him, that is... It’s in Owzer’s house.
Academic: Owzer sought out a highly skilled artist to come and paint for him.
Lass: The other day I read Owzer’s diary. It was just laying there!
Auction doorman: Art that evokes the end of the world is popular now. (Ok, so I guess some of the richies noticed the Apocalypse....)
Fellow: The house to the north belongs to Owzer. He’s a collector of fine paintings.
Little girl: A while ago a little girl entered the art-collector’s house...
Intellectual: You’re gonna love this! Doom Gaze can’t restore his HP after battle! Just keep fighting him, and in time you’ll defeat him!
Hey, that’s handy. This makes me wonder whether his Magic Points are restored between battles; he dies when he runs out of MP, but at thirty-eight thousand that’ll probably take much longer than wiping out his HP.


Clicking on the lights at Owzer’s never ceases to amuse me.


Owzer’s house is filled with art. Some of it is more important than others.


First is the bottom left, which has you fight two women in evening gowns to gain entrance to the next dungeon.


“They almost look alive...”
And in the top right, a unique battle. Nightshades appear nowhere else but in that painting and have a special ability called Entice that causes the victim to attack its own side as if Confused, but unlike Confuse Entice lasts until either the user or the victim is killed and there’s nothing in the game immune to it. None of the Nighshades last long enough to get an Entice off this time, but the important thing is getting them to appear on the Veldt - the Nightshade Rage one of the most powerful non-glitch gamebreakers.

(Not to mention Locke can Steal Nutkin Suits from the Nightshades, here or on the Veldt, which can be wagered at the Colosseum for powerful Genji Armor.) (Oops, sorry, I said I wouldn’t be talking about that.)


Behind the Dahlings, we find the second-hardest dungeon to see in the game. The chair in this picture sucks up the party into an encounter that sets the tone for most of the dungeon – more perplexing or annoying than very dangerous. The SoulDancer here counters attacks with Red Dance, which steals a tiny amount of health from the target (around a couple dozen HP) and spends her turns Throwing various knives.


The Wild Cats and every other random encounter here? Gone in one shot of Air Blade. However, I soon realize that Setzer isn’t quite pulling his weight with the Fixed Dice yet, so I take a sabbatical from the dungeon. Not like I really need anything from it right away anyway.

“It’s as if we’ve bumped into something...”
I run back to Figaro and have the engineer send us to South Figaro. Along the way we hit a bump in the subterranean cave-road and tell the engineer to give us a couple minutes while we check it out.


Ducking out through the hole in the dungeon wall, we find a whole new cave system. Many of the monsters down here have a high Magic Defense and have auto-Reflect, making spells a risky proposition down here. Fortunately(?) only Celes has any spells and most of her MP will be going to castings of Cure to keep the men alive, and all of them have attacks that get around these monsters’ anti-magic nature.

Treasure in the cave includes - among other things - a Wing Edge and Doom Darts, respectively the most powerful boomerang for Locke and Darts for Setzer (there is a more powerful set of cards for Setzer, though); both of these weapons have a chance to instantly kill the target when you attack. If I didn’t already have the Fixed Dice, the Doom Darts would go on Setzer in a second.


“Celes learned Haste”
“Celes learned Muddle”
Celes hits level 32 and learns a couple of new spells. Haste is decently useful, even though I tend to just get auto-Haste from RunningShoes when I know I’ll need it. Muddle is no Entice. Oddly enough, if you manage to get to a high enough level that Celes hits level 32 outside of your party, she’ll never learn Muddle naturally.

Incidentally, the party was levelling like mad here, so I suspect my average level might be a little below what the game expected of me by this point.


Getting to the end of the cave, we find the Ancient Castle spoken of in legend. Flashback to legendary times, get!


The three soldiers are thrown to the ground and a fourth runs out of the castle.
Soldier: It’s an Esper attack! Let’s show him some of OUR Esper magic!
[The camera goes back the PARTY in the present.]
“A 1000 years in the past, a battle was waged here...


[The CHANCELLOR turns to the SOLDIERS.]
“We’re fresh outta options. We’ll have to leave this battle in Odin’s hands...”
[Cut back to the present. EDGAR approaches the castle ruins.]
“A city, ruined during the War of the Magi...”


[ODIN easily slices through a number of ENEMIES, but clashes several times with the SORCERER, who simply wags his finger disapprovingly when ODIN attempts to use Atom Edge on him.]
ODIN: Don’t do it... You can’t turn me into Magicite...
[The SORCERER petrifies Odin. Back in the present...]
“There’s an ancient legend... It tells of a battle between Odin and a powerful sorcerer that took place in a great hall of the castle...”
Great story, person who just happened to be in the front of my party when I entered. We aren’t going to the great hall yet though; there’s a little room to the left of the entrance that holds the castle’s real treasure.

This guy is one of the major reasons monsters-in-a-box have such nasty reputations. In fact, I’d put him up as one of the worse bosses in the second half of the game and I really should have lost against him except that the RNG hated him just slightly more than it hated me in this fight.

First things first: poison him. He’s a human opponent, and that means you kill it with poison. Bioblaster’s probably your best bet with a party like this. He can also be Confused; he has SlayerEdge, an instant kill attack that isn’t blocked by Instant Death immunity, and will use it on himself if Confused. Of course, this only works if you know in advance about this weakness. I mean, who ever uses Celes’ Muddle spell?

Now, as for how the fight actually went:


Bum Rush did its six thousand damage pretty reliably, but this is about as high as the Fixed Dice got – 1632 damage. Two of the other rolls were 1-1-2 combos, for crying out loud.

Now, KatanaSoul had some nasty luck too, which is the only reason I wasn’t killed several times over trying to get his precious, precious treasure. He, like all enemies, has a multi-turn script he runs through with different possible actions on each turn. This is his:

Each turn he’s got at least a 66% chance of using a powerful multi-target attack, and each turn he just used plain ol’ Attack.


Well, except for his third turn, when he has no Attack option. This Lightning Scroll reduced every character to half health or less; if he’d ever pulled out a second multitarget attack there would be a TPK.

Last couple important mechanics to this guy. One thing is that after he’s hit by Fight six times he busts out the SlayerEdge to kill a random dude and after being hit by Magic or Lore three times he’ll Throw a katana at a dude then use GP Rain on the party. Neither of those is pleasant. Also not pleasant: after forty seconds he’ll glow and display the message “KatanaSoul’s power up!”; this is your indication that KatanaSoul has just gained Blink, Reflect, and Haste.


A much more pleasant mechanic is that the KatanaSoul drops the Offering. I’m not sure what the description means, but I guess in some versions of the SNES cartridge the command in battle is really changed? I’ve seen descriptions that seem to say it’s so, but that doesn’t happen in the ROM I’m using for the LP or my physical copy.

Anyway, what the Offering actually does is change the Fight command’s behavior so that instead of an attack against a single target of your choosing it does four randomly-targeted attacks at half damage. That’s... alright with normal weapons, I guess – it does help that even though no enemies die until after all the attacks are done, if an enemy takes lethal damage it won’t be targeted again if there are any living enemies left.

There are four weapons that ignore the half damage penalty, however; the Dice, Atma Weapon, Valiant Knife, and Fixed Dice all have unique damage formulae into which the Offering does not enter. With the Fixed Dice, RunningShoes or some other source of auto-Haste, and the pleasure of the Random Number Gods (and optionally a few more levels), Setzer becomes our major damage dealer. Now, if we could find something to turn Blitz into X-Blitz....


Oh yeah, Odin. Touch the statue, get another creepy, slightly-greasy-feeling Esper soul gem, same ol’, same ol’.


(Just thought I’d mention that, while the random encounters here aren’t that frightening, getting Meteo’d because you killed all of a magic jack-in-the-box’s friends isn’t fun).


Five steps down from the king’s throne is a switch that reveals a staircase in the next room. I... I’m not really sure why I know this. It’s got to be mentioned in the game somewhere, but I’ll be damned if I could tell you what leads you to this. I just hit it by reflex these days.


The diary, at least, sparkles when you enter the room so you know to check for it.
(Terra comments on the whole HumanxEsper thing if she’s with your when you read the diary. I have an irrational dislike of Terra and am not sure I’ve ever actually seen that dialogue however, so Sky Render will have to tell you any details.)


“A tear comes... From the stone...?”
“The Magicite “Odin” gains a level... and becomes the Magicite “Raiden!””
Once again I’m stymied by the inability to use a Warp Stone to leave the dungeon and ignore the dragon lounging around on my way out.

And here we are, back in Owzer’s basement. These three doors take turns being open; take the left one and you’ll go forward but take a wrong door and you’ll be dumped back out a painting near the entrance.


If you look closely, you can spot two doors in the back wall. One is the way forward and the other (the one set a foot high in the wall) is a one-way gate backward from further in the dungeon – that’s kind of a theme here.


For once the one-way gate that drops the party on their collective face is the way forward. Each of the chests floating in the air here will drop on your head should you walk below it; this will initiate a battle (pretty much just a random encounter) and the chest will then be lootable for minor rewards.


This ugly fellow seems scary with the way he counters any attack with Doom, but he has less than five thousand HP. He’s a speed bump, little more, and once he’s dead his painting is replaced by the door forward.


“The painting!?”
OWZER: It’s...there’s a monster hiding in my prized painting of a goddess...
“A monster?!”
OWZER: Yes... And now it’s nearly impossible to get it to show itself...
Relm: Ahhhhh!!
OWZER: Relm! We can’t attack this masterpiece! It would be inexcusable!
CHADARNOOK: G’fu, fu, fu... Who’re these numbskulls? No one...NO ONE...is going to remove me from this fine new painting!!


DEMON: The girl in the picture is mine! You can’t have her!
Fem!Chadarnook isn’t a huge threat. She can attack and Entice, and on her third turn when she’s changing to demon!Chadarnook she can Lullaby or Doom or a party member. She has a 33% chance to counter any damage with Poltergeist, which gives the offender HP Leak, a status similar to Seizure that also overrides Regen and that comes from no other source in the game. She also has an immunity to death, reviving herself if you kill her.

Demon!Chadarnook does more actual damage, using Bolt3 and Flash Rains for attacks and Bolt2 for counters. He also has weaknesses to Pearl and Fire and about half the health of fem!Chadarnook, and actually dies when he runs out of HP. Demon!Chadarnook makes the change back to his female form after appearing for forty seconds or taking damage five times. That second clause will be what probably makes him disappear unless you can average six thousand damage a hit. Not impossible, but you’ll probably have to let him scarper once and catch him his second time around.


“This can’t be... ...”
[CHADARNOOK fades to red.]


[RELM hops down from her pedestal.]
OWZER: Thanks for saving the day! This picture’s more precious to me than my own life!
Relm: Huh?! What are you talking about?
“Now...what was a monster doing in that picture?!”
OWZER: It all started when I bought a stone at the Auction House. I took one look at it and suddenly felt I needed a portrait of Starlet. I asked several artists, but none could muster enough skill. It was then that I heard about Relm’s amazing ability. I brought her here, and put her to work. But while she was painting, that thing came along... It must have been enticed here by that stone.
“Where is the stone...?”
OWZER: The stone? Over on that bookshelf.


OWZER: Phew. I don’t need any more bad luck. Just take it and go!
“Received the Magicite “Starlet.””
Relm: I have to go! But fear not, I’ll be back to finish this painting!
OWZER: I’ll be waiting for you!

And now for something I probably should have done a while ago, and not just because Sky Render took it upon himself to start the process long ago.


A little boy comes running out.
Little boy: Uwaaa! Someone’s coming!!
The boy goes running back into the post office and we follow....


There was a pile of crates here before the end of the world.


“Wait!”
[TERRA enters through a door near the top of the room.]
“Terra!!”
[The little boy runs to her.]
Guardboy: Mama! Are these your friends?!
Terra: Oh! I’m so glad to see that you’re safe! I’ve missed you!
“Terra...come one, let’s go! Unless we stop Kefka, all’s lost...”
Terra: I... [She flees.]

There’s a whole lot of little kids here, hope I can come up with enough synonyms for all of them.
Guardboy: Our papas and mamas are gone...
Boy: Duane and Katarin are the oldest ones here.
Little lass: Everyone here calls Terra, “Mama.”
DUANE: This is our village. You can’t just waltz in here and start barking out orders!
KATARIN: Terra’s helped us all to survive. Ever since she’s been here, we’ve felt hopeful for the future.
Girl: You’re not gonna take Terra away, are you?
Lad: But we’ll be happy, if Terra’ll come back to us!
Bambina: A badly wounded soldier passed away here in Mobliz.
Lassie: The light took everyone... ...everyone... Dad...Mom...
Gamin: I saw Duane kissing Katarin!
Terra: That is I... um... I can’t fight any longer... The very day the world fell, Kefka turned some kind of beam on this town. Almost all of the adults perished trying to save their children...


[The ADULTS push the CHILDREN back as a flash of light cuts out the very ground from beneath them.]


“Papa!! Mama!!!”
Terra: There were only children here... The moment I arrived, I felt needed...
[DUANE runs into Terra’s room to confront the party.]
DUANE: You can’t take Terra away!
[KATARIN follows and pulls DUANE away.]
KATARIN: Duane... Please excuse him. It’s just that if Terra goes, she takes with her the very spirit of our survival...
Terra: I don’t know why these kids need me... But they’ve made me feel things I’ve never felt before. The moment I sensed this, I lost my will to fight.
Terra: I can honestly say I don’t know what’s going on inside of me... And the more I try to understand it, the less inclined I am to fight.
[The PARTY leaves.]


Terra: Phunbaba’s an ancient demon who was released when the world was undone.
Yeah, Terra can’t even scratch Phunbaba. There’s no point to showing it. She proves totally ineffectual, Phunbaba cleans her clock in a couple of rounds, and the party runs back into town with their Ancient Unsealed Evil senses tingling.


We beat on him for a round or so and once it’s obvious we can actually deal damage to him Phunbaba runs away.


Lassie: Mama! Are you okay?!
Terra: I’m staying here. As you can see, I can’t be of any help to you. And besides, the children really need me.
“But Terra...!”
Terra: Maybe after a little more time passes... I need to understand what’s happening to me... Is this where Sky Render makes a puberty joke?
Laddie: I’ll have you if something happens to Mama!!
Girl: Mama...are you all right?
Lassie: You can’t take Mama away!
Guardboy: Thanks for scaring Phunbaba away! In his haste, he dropped this. Here!
“Received the Magicite “Fenrir.””
So, Terra needs a little bit of time, huh? I suppose we’ll have to leave her alone for a bit....


*KER-PASSAGE OF TIME!*
(You can do the preceding part of the Mobliz story as soon as you start the World of Ruin, but the following events will only happen once you have the Falcon.)

Terra caught wind of our return and scarpered! Maybe the tykes have some hints as to her location.
Guardboy: Katarin’s gone...
Laddie: I know! Katarin’s gonna have a baby! My Mom looked like that before my brother appeared!
Girl: Duane was being mean to her, so Katarin took off!
Lassie: Katarin’s belly’s growing bigger!
Gamin: Katarin’s gone...


When we enter the house where they used to keep Lola’s boyfriend, a dog comes with us only to disappear behind the bookcase.
DUANE: I...don’t know what to do. Katarin’s pregnant...


Behind the bookcase we find a handy-dandy little bar. Every time I see it I think this place is used somewhere else in the game, but I can’t think of where.
Terra: Hey you guys! [The PARTY approaches her.] Katarin’s having a baby.
KATARIN: I’m so happy to have had a child... But Duane seems miserable...
[DUANE comes down the stairs and stands next to KATARIN, who looks away.]
DUANE: Katarin... ... I’m sorry. I didn’t know how to handle this. I’ve been an awful husband... But I’m learning. Please, come back with me.
[There’s a boom and a BOY comes running into the room.]
Boy: Waaaaa! Phunbaba’s back again!
Terra: Please! Save this village! I simply can’t fight...
DUANE: I’ll keep Katarin safe.
KATARIN: I feel safe when Duane’s around.
Boy: Please!! Rid us of Phunbaba once and for all!
Yeah kid, I’m getting sick of him too.


Here’s the thing about Phunbaba: maybe it’s just because you have to fight him four times, but the programmers made Phunbaba dead simple. His first turn he Attacks or uses Solar Plex, a stronger version of Attack, his second turn he uses Bolt2 or 3 (weighted to the weak attack on both these turns), and his third turn he has equal chances of using Bolt2, Blow Fish, or Solar Plex.

That’s his entire action list for all four fights, with minor modifications to the end depending on which fight it is – in the second fight he was coded to Flee if hurt while below a certain HP threshold, this fight he’s coded to use BabaBreath when beaten and blow two random party members back to the Falcon (not simply removing them from battle like Sneeze does, but removing them from the party entirely), and in the fourth fight he gets a 33% chance to counter damage with Bolt2.


Terra is Morphed for the entire battle while Phunbaba’s still as much of a joke as ever. It would be nice to still have either of the twins with us (Bum Rush is doing nearly seven thousand damage to Phunbaba, or over a quarter of his health, while the monster is weak to Poison attacks like BioBlaster), but they’re far from necessary.


Freaking finally.


[The GIRL in the doorway approaches TERRA.]
Girl: Mama... It is you, isn’t it! I can tell...
[The others start approaching.]
“Huh? Mama?”
“Terra?”
“Mama!!”
“Terra!!!”
Terra [surrounded by the MOBLIZI, CELES, and SETZER]: I...I can fight! Finally... I understand that feeling... Even though I kept it buried for so long. I’m sure it’s called... ... ... ... ... “Love!” I now realize that we must fight for the future of our children.


Terra: Listen children, your “Mama” has to go away for a while. I’ll return when I feel your future’s guaranteed!
“Mama... I’m not gonna cry!”
“Me either!”
Terra: I’ll be back. I promise! Till then...you behave! Thank you... You helped me to understand a part of myself. Now I must go to war. We must all believe we have a future. We must fight for those who aren’t even born yet!

And finally we get out of there. Sheesh, yakkity yakkity yakkity. Still, it’s good to have Terra back – now we not only have Fire spells in addition to Celes’ Ice, but Terra’s spell list includes more direct damage and much more healing than Celes’ status-filled spell lists.

That probably won’t stop me from using Celes more just because I like her better, though. Alright, this update is getting pretty long, but I want to get at least one character I’ll actually use before wrapping up for the week. On that note-


Hold on a second.


Scram, Doom Gaze.
[Cut to the deck of the Falcon. A Magicite falls down and skids along the deck.]
“A piece of Magicite popped out of Doom Gaze’s mouth! Received the Magicite “Bahamut.””
Ooh, shiny.

[SABIN is sucked into the ZONE EATER.]
“Mmmm...munch, munch!”
On a small island in the top right corner of the map, I let the entire party be eaten by a sandworm. Zone Eaters look dangerous, but their only attacks are Demi and Engulf (and Cold Dust as a counter to Fights) so they can’t actually kill you at all. And once everyone is finally Engulfed...


Dungeon time! And Zone Eater’s Belly is a weird one.


First part of the weirdness here: most of the monsters aren’t a huge threat if you ignore them. These Karkasses, for instance, will just use Figaro Tea to turn your party members into imps, but they’ll counter Fight with their own attacks, Magic with their own powerful spells, and any other attacks with our old buddy Lifeshaver (and us without our Gaia Gears).

Other monsters here do the same thing, only inflicting statuses or using relatively weak attacks unless you attack them first with certain things; Tap Dancers counter Throw by Throwing their own powerful swords, Woolies just give your party Berserk but counter every Fight command with Attack, and so on. The biggest threat from a monster here is the Covert, a ninja enemy that likes to use ninja Scrolls, doesn’t let you run from battle, and has a chance to make himself and his allies Vanish. Fortunately I never actually run into one of them this game.


In the first big room of Zone Eater’s Belly, the challenge is to jump across these bridges without touching the men in green, who knock you down to the lower level and force you to restart the area. Their random movement can leave you stuck in place for a while until you can safely jump a gap, but it’s not especially hard to dodge them. We get a Genji Armor (good armor usable by about half the party) and a FakeMustache, a Relic that turns Relm’s Sketch into the somewhat more useful Control.


Ah, the classic collapsing ceiling trick. There’s a four safe spots in the room (besides areas by the entrance and exit), three of which are marked by treasure chests. It might take a few tries to pinpoint the two-tile-long safe zone between the second and third chests, but with Sprint Shoes on you should make it.


The final gimmick room makes you jump across gaps by using treasure chests as trampolines. If you want the Thunder Shld in the top left you’ll have to jump off the main path to hit the switch and spawn a couple more jumping-off points (one to get off the switch platform, one to get to the Shld), but otherwise just follow the chest path around and...


(Ok, so I wimped out and didn’t make the pop-culture reference permanent, sue me.)
Gogo: My miming skills will astonish you. Yes...I have been idle for too long. If I deem you worthy, I’ll mime your actions in battle. But first you must tell me what you’re doing here.
[After a moment of silence during which the PARTY is presumably telling GOGO what’s happened over the past twenty-some hours of gameplay....]
Gogo: What an unusual tale... But I sense that you’re trying to help make things right again. This should be fun. When do we leave?
Just as soon as I can bust out a Warpstone, Gogo.

Gogo is one of two “secret” characters that can only be gotten in the World of Ruin. He has subpar stats and equipment (most of his equipment list is shared with Relm and Strago, consisting of rods, maces, dirks, and light armors) and only a single command at the start. Mime can be ridiculously powerful, however; it copies the previous command used by a party member with the same target and none of the costs. Uses include giving yourself two Bum Rushes a turn (and you only need to enter the command successfully one time!), Miming powerful spells to get two casts but only once the MP payment, breaking spellcasting items and Miming it, etc.

The other secret to using Gogo is that you can customize his three non-Mime commands on his status screen, choosing from all commands possessed by the twelve regular members of the gang, with two caveats: he can’t use Morph and if he equips Magic his spell list will be limited to only what the other members of the current party have in their spell lists. He will have access to the full unlocked Lore, Blitz, and Rage lists and he can equip Relics like Thief Glove and FakeMustache to upgrade their respective commands.

That's it for this week. Take it away, Sky Render.

Part XXVI - Final Fantasy World Tour

Now that the airship has a much larger cast on board, it's high time we added to it a bit more. First stop, since unlike Lucas I think Tina is the awesome, is Mobriz.



After a small detour. Here's a quick way to beat ExDeathgaze. Step one: get a bit o' Gil from the wee cacti.



Step two: buy yourself a good 8 to 10 Holy Rods.



Step three: apply directly to (enemy's) forehead repeatedly.



Step four: profit!



Received the Magirock "Bahamut".

Sweet, new summon!

Bahamut

Another series long-timer, this hippo-turned-dragon has a reputation for being the king of badasses in this series. And it's well-earned: he started his legacy as the bestower of class upgrades, moved on to become an unbeatable boss that could later be recruited as a summon, and only became more epic with every FF afterwards. Oddly enough, the only pre-FF11 FFs where Bahamut doesn't get that much plot relevance are this one and FF7.



Megaflare is the only decent summon attack, period. It ignores enemy magic defense and does really good damage. And by the time you get Bahamut, you'll probably already have a healthy spell list that outclasses it. Damn it!

Spells Taught
Flare x2

Level-Up Bonus: HP +50%

The single-target Flare attack can be a useful spell, but what gives Bahamut an edge is his massive HP boost (the best in the game, at least until FF6A gave one of the bonus summons a +100% HP at level up effect).



♪♪ The Day After ♪♪

Anyway, on to Mobriz! Huh, and Tina's not there? Let's ask the kids.

Boy "Catalina ran off."
Girl "Dean was being cold to Catalina, so she ran away!"
Boy "Me, I know what's going on. Catalina is going to have a baby. My mom was this way just before my little brother was born!"
Girl "Catalina's belly is getting bigger!"

Hoo boy. Somebody couldn't keep it in their pants...



Ahh, this brings back memories of how teen pregnancy was a big deal in the 90s and not something we ignore because it's so bloody common like nowadays.



Anyway, let's just follow the friendly pooch I didn't screencap downstairs behind the bookcase.

*Celes walks up to Tina*
Tina "Catalina is going to have a child."
*Catalina turns around*
Catalina "I'm very happy to be having a child... But Dean was so cold to me when I told him about it..."
*Dean comes downstairs and walks up to Catalina*
Dean "Catalina... ... I'm sorry. I didn't know what to do... I'm so pitiful. But, I will be strong. Come on, let's go back together!"

Thank goodness this soap opera crap got resolved.



Oh no, beta the earth is shaking! This can mean only one thing...!



Damn it, when will that huge tub of lard learn?



♪♪ The Unforgiven ♪♪

Sure thing, kid.

Tina "Please! Protect this village. I don't have the power to fight in me any longer..."
Dean "I'll protect Catalina."
Catalina "I feel safe when Dean is around."

Looks like Team Ineffective Basement-Dwellers will be fine. Let's go smack some giant demon-beast!

♪♪ Decisive Battle ♪♪

Oh how handy, we got first strike.



First order of business: nerfing this guy's damage potential. Go Zone Seeker go!



The fight doesn't take long. Thanks to two rounds of dual claw assaults, swords and drills to the face, and Bio, he never hits anyone before using Humbaba Breath to blow Cayene and Edgar away.



It's time for our magic girl to go all magical again!



Aww yeah!



Tina hits like a goddamn TRUCK in this fight.



And Humbaba has been neutered heavily. I'm sure you can imagine how fast this thing goes as a result.



Not much else happens during the fight, but he did 1000 Needles on Tina. This gives us a rare sight: transformed Tina unconscious!



Yeah, he got off one weak Thundaga before the combined Bio and claw assault killed him. Pathetic, mate.



Suddenly all the Mobriz brats run out to thank us!



And promptly run the hell away when Eidolon Tina lands. Crap, this'll be tough to explain...

Awkward.



Suddenly Tina realizes what a pickle she's in.



Hooray for the power of love plot contrivance!



♪♪ Awakening ♪♪

The other kids are shocked!



But quickly accepting. How sweet.



What, you only just now realized this?

*Tina looks down*
Tina "Finally... I understand... This feeling inside of me, it's... ...... ...... 'Love'... I know now... I must fight to protect the loves of those who are not even born yet. To protect, not to kill!"

Glad she finally came to the obvious conclusion.



Tina takes to the air!

Tina "Dean... Protect Catalina and her unborn child! Everyone... Mama is going to ensure your futures. But, I will come back!"
*The Mobriz crew walks up a step closer to Tina*
"Mama... I'm not gonna cry!"
"Me either!"
"We'll wait for you to come back!"
"Go on... Do your best!"
*Tina looks down*
"Tina "Thank you. I owe my thanks to all of you for helping me understand... I can fight. In order to protect everyone's future! And the lives of those not yet born, too!"

And SCENE!



One last visit with the rugrats before we resume our quest.

Boy "I'll be good until mama Tina comes back!"
Girl "Dean and Catalina will keep an eye on us for now."
Boy "Mama... ...Don't worry about us. Just do your best!"
Girl "I'm not gonna cry. If I cry, Tina will worry about me..."
Boy "Catalina's baby is moving inside her!"
Girl "Big sis Catalina. What are you gonna name the baby?"
Catalina "We'll all do our best. These children have a future to be protected... They need your help, too."
Girl "Hey! It moved again!!"
Dean "New life... It seems so hopeless, in a world such as this... But, I won't give up!"



You wish, Edgar. Anyway, time to suit up and set out!



♪♪ The Demon House ♪♪

Next stop, Jidoor! And talking time!

Man "This is the town of Jidoor. We're the westernmost town on maps of the world." ... "But oh how the world has changed......"
Man "I saw Emperor Ghastra recently. ...... In a painting, that is. It's very well done, you can find it in Owzer's house."
Gentleman "You have to keep your mind open and your heart steady in this world."
Scholar "Owzer was looking for a capable artist to paint him a picture in his house recently."
Woman "I read a bit of Owzer's diary the other day in his house... Wahaha!"
Scholar "Art depicting the collapse of the world is in style right now."
Scholar "Owzer's house is to the north. He's quite the collector of high-quality artwork."
Girl "Not long ago, a little girl went into my favorite uncle's picture-house."

Sounds like Owzer's house is the place to be.



Damn it, Owzer, did you forget to pay the electric bill again? ...Wait, this world doesn't have electricity.



I... what? Huh? Tina just got ghost-shoved down the steps!



And suddenly this appeared! Oh well, may as well pry.

That was the last entry......

"Like, zoinks Matias! What's going on here!?" "RI ron't row, Reres!"



"Well, gang, let's get to the bottom of this!"

Huh, it says it's called "My Latest Conquest by Lock Cole"...



This one's "My Previous Conquest by Lock Cole"...



This one's "My Best Scam Sale Ever by Lock Cole"...



This one's "My First Conquest by Lock Cole"...



This one's "My Favorite Conquest by Lock Cole"...



Finally, one not by Lock. Who knew he was such a prolific painter, anyway?



Whoa, that painting had something hidden in it!

The following is written on the letter. The treasure is hidden in the location where the mountains form a star shape.

That sounds like quest fodder for later!



Huh, this one says it's called "It's a Trap by Ville D. Mon".



Oh snap! How the HELL did I mistranslate Rafflesia to Refresh Meadow?



This one's "My Best Conquest Ever by Ville D. Mon". Huh.



Ahh, it's alive too!



There was a door behind it! Weird. "Looks like we've got our way in, gang!" "Yoiks! I don't wanna die, Matias!" "Re reither!"



"Figures the lights are out here, too. No worries, this old haunted mansion is perfectly safe!" "Don't say things like that, Edgar!"

Owzer's Basement
Enemies: Caladrius, Nature Rythm, Mine Ball, Coeurl Cat



"Look out, gang! We're being sucked into the painting!" "I don't wanna be here!" "Quit being a wimp, Celes!"



"Z-z-z-z-zoinks, a g-g-g-g-g-g-ghoooooost!"

"Huh, guess ghosts don't like you trying to invade their paintings." "H-hold me, Matias!" "Ret's ret rout rof rere, ruys!"



"Wow, this would look good on you, Tina!" "Teehee, don't be silly Edgar. It's way too small for me."



"G-g-g-gee, gang, maybe we should leave that here. It looks c-c-c-c-cursed!" "Stop being such a baby, Celes!"



"Whoops, wrong door!"



"And that was the right one!" "How can you tell, Edgar?" "Because it hurt more when we landed, duh!"



"Ahhh, flying treasure chests! Like, let's get out of here, Matias!" "RI'm rith rou, Reres!" "Get back here, you cowards!"



"See? It was worth the trouble to check it out!" "I'm still scared, Tina!" "Reah!"



"Wow, another Ville D. Mon painting! What's this one called?" "Like, probably Your Bloody Horrible Death! Let's get outta here, Edgar!" "No way, not until we've solved the mystery, gang!"



"Nara Camice? Is that Italian?" "I just want outta here!" "Re roo!"



"Oops, wrong door again!" "Like, why do all the wrong doors have to hurt so much!?"



"We've gotten to the heart of the mystery, gang!" "Oh no, now we're in for it!"

"The painting!?"
Owzer "A... A demon is clinging to my apazing picture of a goddess..."
"A demon!?"
Owzer "...Yes. It's hiding in the picture and refuses to come out..."
*The screen flashes*
Relm "Kyaa!"
Owzer "Relm! We can't attack this picture of a goddess. That would just be inexcusable!"
Chardarnook "G'fuhuhu...... I'm back in a painting...... I rather like this new picture, too... I won't let anybody have it!!"



♪♪ Decisive Battle ♪♪

"The woman in this painting is mine...... I won't give her to you......"

"Get outta the painting, you slimeball!" "Don't make it mad, Edgar!"



"Take this! And this!" "Should we really be attacking fine art, Edgar?" "Trust me, Tina, it'll work!"

"This was a bad idea after all! New plan, gang: wait for the demon to come out first!" "Like, couldn't you have decided that BEFORE we got cursed, Edgar?" "Reah, really!"

(You're not supposed to attack the Goddess form. There's even a bit of dummied dialogue where Owzer lambasts you for doing so.)



"Like, zoinks again, Matias! It's a d-d-d-d-d-d-d-demon!" "Ro-ro! Ret's run!"



"Yeah, scratch it to death, Matias! That's the way!" "Relp re relp re relp re!"



"Like, zoinks! Tina's been possessed! Ahhh!" "Oh that's just great..."

(The party got TKO'd by Tina. Fuck I hate confuse.)



"It's raining hell, gang! Look sharp!" "I don't wanna be here any more!"



This is not possible......

"Looks like we got him, gang!" "It's over? Hey Matias, we can stop hiding now!" "Rank roodness!"



♪♪ Relm's Theme ♪♪

*Relm hops down*
Owzer "I must thank you... This painting is worth more to me than my own life."
Relm "Hey. Nothing's more important than life."
"By the way... How did a demon get into that picture...?"
Owzer "I bought a stone from the auctioneering house, and I suddenly had an insatiable desire to have a portrait of Lakshmi painted. I asked many painters to try painting it for me, but none had the talent necessary. Then I heard a rumor in town about Relm. I recruited her immediately, and had her paint me this portrait of Lakshmi. ......But the demon suddenly appeared and clung to the picture while it was being painted. Surely... The demon must have been drawn by the power of that magical stone."
"Where is this stone...?"
Owzer "The stone? I put it on that bookshelf there..."



"Eureka! So the magic rock from the auction house actually caused a series of illusions by way of magic light to make it appear that the house was haunted! And when we attacked that painting, we broke the spell!" "But Edgar, what about all the monsters we fought? I've still got scratches from those cats!" "Uhhh... Anyway, we've solved the mystery!"

Owzer "I've learned my lesson the hard way. Take it with you, I don't want it any more."
Received the Magirock "Lakshmi".
Relm "Relm is going now. But don't you worry...... Relm will return to finish her painting some day!"
Owzer "Oh... Relm...... I will be waiting for you to return......"

And now that we've concluded Matias Doo and the Mystery Gang's trek into the haunted house, it's time for some creeepy dummied-out dialogue! Here's the actual in-game script for a version of this scene that never happens, where apparently Chardarnook didn't invade the painting.

Owzer "She has a wonderful talent. I think she could help save this rotting world of ours with it...... This child's pictures are simply amazing."
"We need Relm's help to restore the light to the world."
Owzer "*cough* *cough*"
Relm "Old man! You okay!?"
Owzer "Will you really come back?"
"......We don't know. But... We can't just leave the world in ruin like it is now......"
Owzer "In ruin......?"
"We're running out of time. So, we need Relm to......"
Owzer "One last time...... Let me hug you, Relm..."
Owzer "... ... *cough*... Will you come back some day? And... Will you finish painting this picture?"
Relm "Relm has to go, but she'll come back."
Owzer "Good, good...... You're such a good girl......"

...Yeah, I'm not even gonna touch that one. Oh yeah, new summon!

Lakshmi

Probably the most popular Hindu deity after Ganesha, Lakshmi in FF6 is the queen of healing and one of the best summons to have on hand when you want to learn curative magic.



That said, her healing power Loving Embrace isn't all that impressive. Few summons in FF6 are, though, so we'll forgive her.

Spells Taught
Cure x25
Curera x16
Curega x1
Regene x20
Esuna x20

Level-Up Bonus: Vitality +2

You will find no better way to teach the low- and mid-level healing spells than Lakshmi. But she's woefully inadequate for teaching Curega compared to a certain other summon we'll see later.

♪♪ Searching for Friends ♪♪

So anyway, let's go to that one inconspicuous island far to the north and see what's new, pussycat.

Triangle Island
Enemies: Zone Eater



You'll never become president if you inhale, worm-thing!



Triangle Island Cave
Enemies: Corpse, Kami, Balloon Beast, Invisible, Amdusias, Baalzephon

♪♪ Gogo's Theme ♪♪

Turns out there's a cave in the belly of the beast!



With Alex DeLarge clones running around practicing ultraviolence on anyone who stands near them. Rude.



Still, it led to free loot, so who am I to complain?



This room looks safe enough.



Or... not. Let's try that again.



Fortunately there's holes to hide in along the way.



Inside, we find someone who is showing us their poker face.



I have lived here for a long time. There have been no visitors in that time, either."
Gogo "I see. I shall go along with you. What are you currently attempting to do?"
*Tina explains and Gogo is shocked*
Gogo "I see. So, you are trying to save the world. I suppose my mimicking skills are needed to save the world, as well."

And so we have another ally! He/she/it would not be getting much time in the party if not for one important feature...



Gogo can use ANY skill. That includes all spells learned by everyone in the party with him/her/it at the time. This means that Gogo is effectively anything we want him/her/it to be. Awesome.

Before we leave for this time, let's do one last shocking thing.

We're going back.



Where?



Back... to the future past!



♪♪ Veldt ♪♪

You are not seeing this wrong. Do not adjust your television. We control the vertical. We control the horizontal. And now we are in the World of Balance again.



We came back dead, but that's easily fixed.



The fights are back to normal, and Lock's even making a phantom visit for battles!



In spite of the return to the World of Balance map, towns are still in the World of Ruin. The world is trapped in flux, both ruined and unsullied.



Going to Figaro restores the world to its ruined state.



However, now we have a BIG problem. We cannot get back to the Opera House, where we parked the airship. It's literally impossible to continue the game like this. So we'll have to load state, sadly. Oh well, it was a fun diversion. And one you can only do on FF6j or FF6RPGOne too! Come back next week as we re-unite with our remaining straggler party members and do some extra exploration that Lucas did already! With a vengeance!

Great SCOTT!