A Tale of Two Scripts: Let's play FF3 US & FF6 RPGOne!

Wait, wait--there's a way to do the South Figaro scenario without stealing anybody's skivvies?

Nope. You have to steal at least a merchant's clothes (or trigger the Kutan/Mogtan glitch to skip the entire sequence). Otherwise you can't get past the first area.

I knew about the bridge, too.

I've also defeated the Heavy Armor with just Locke, but even being over leveled it still takes too many potions to be worth it.

That's what I thought, but I'm wondering what everyone's referring to with this talk about "the bridge."

You need to steal the merchant's clothes. You don't need to steal the soldier's clothes afterward, because you can get behind him via a hidden bridge.

We're referring to this (shown with background layer 2 turned off):



It's a 1-tile-high footbridge across the river that's completely invisible but lines up with the roof of the houses.

Oh, neato!

Yup, and it's exceedingly annoying to get Locke over-levelled, as he's the one character that you can't give the experience boost to using the infinite loop trick on the river. You actually have to manually power-grind the entire damned thing.

Then again, he sticks around for much of the WoB, and even when he's optional he's such a cash machine that he usually catches up quickly.

The town sneaking sequence is so much fun, though, simply because Locke's so freaking vulnerable the entire time. It was rare for an RPG to put you in that type of situation, which is what made it fun.

The scenario description lies. This will be easy as pie. Short, too.


This scenario picks up where the last one left off. There’s a couple encounters left on Lete River, but after Ultros they aren’t the tiniest bit scary. We basically just cruise down the river another couple minutes before fetching up on the shore of a lake by Narshe. We march in to see the old man, but...


BANON: Wait a sec!
GUARD: Get out of here! If you don’t...


POW!
Edgar: Hold on. I’m King Edgar of Figaro...
GUARD: Liar!!!


Right in the kisser! Seriously Eddie, were you really expecting them to believe that?
BANON: Aye yai yai...
Edgar: That kind of attitude is deadly! He won’t even listen!
Terra: It’s all my fault...

There’s no way we’re beating that soldier’s killer right hook and getting in through the front gate. Instead we think back to the first update...

A moment later we’re through- wait a minute...

It’s just an inconsequential typo, sure, but fourteen years and I never noticed this before. Goes to show how much more attention you pay to a game when you’re doing an LP. Anyway, where was I?


Oh yeah. Edgar fiddles around a moment, trips the latch, and we start sneaking back into Narshe through the caves. This place still has the same random encounters as before though, so combat here is almost totally inconsequential.


A Repo Man manages to edge Terra up to level 12 and she learns the Drain spell. This is one of the series’ classic spells, appearing in every entry except the original, Dirge of Cerberus, and XIII. It drains HP from the target and transfers it to the caster (reversed if the target is undead, like normal healing magic), but between a steep cost for this part of the story and a low power, we aren’t going to be using it.

Edgar: Goodness...
Terra: What’s that...?
Edgar: I think this’s a security check point. If we follow the light exactly, we’ll probably be okay. If we make a mistake, the light’ll surround us. To proceed safely we must “tag” the glimmering light.

This is a fairly easy little game of follow the leader. If you weren’t paying attention to the light when you entered, you can go back out the same door then reenter the room; the light will replay its course and there won’t be any distracting dialogue to make you forget the path before you can move. The course winds around the whole room, but it’s not too hard.


This is all that happens if you step out of line. The lights circle you pretty quickly, but just tap A while the “glimmering light” (it looks more like the one light that wasn’t turned on to me...) is in front of you and the lights will disperse harmlessly; miss and you’ll fight a simple battle and be sent back to the front of the room.


Past the check point we duck into a side passage and- hey, this is familiar. Heading into the cave the moogles came from earlier leads us, unsurprisingly, directly into their nest.


One moogle is standing still in the back of the cave and has a little more to say than his confederates’ simple “Kupo!” Not a lot more to say, but something.


I also pick up this Rune Edge, only to later remember it too changes if you leave the chest alone until later. It turns into one of the game’s four Ribbon chests if you leave it until the World of Ruin. It’s not like endgame strategies revolve around having that relic though, and I’m sure the Rune Edge’s ability to suck up your MP to score critical hits will be handy, right? I goofed.


Leaving the cave by that entrance by the Rune Edge drops you off next to the mine entrance, and from there it’s a hop, skip, and a jump back to the old man’s house.


BANON: Arvis! What’s happening here in Narshe?
ARVIS: The town’s neutral. I’ve tried to get the people to side with the Returners, but... Anyway, why on earth have you come here?
Edgar: First, how are your people doing?
ARVIS: They all went... slightly berserk when the Esper was discovered.


ARVIS: My people are dying to know what the Esper looks like. Maybe Terra can help restore some order to our town...?
Edgar: That Esper is either going to save us... or dig us an early grave...

And we fade out. This conversation is interesting for a couple of points: for one thing, it’s the first time Edgar shows his compassionate side. Let’s face it, being a playboy, abandoning his people to go adventuring (no matter how awesome their protective transforming castle), and his cavalier attitude to losing Sabin again when they’ve only been together a day or two after a decade of separation don’t do a whole lot to endear Edgar to the player. Here, though, his first concern is for the welfare of people that won’t even join him in battle.

The other interesting thing is Terra’s lines in this conversation: she has none. Despite being a focal point of the dialogue she doesn’t have any part in it and the others talk about her as much like a tool as an ally. Terra has this problem throughout huge swaths of the story - she’s as much plot device as protagonist despite being the first and, to all initial appearances, main character. It’s almost like she’s just a placeholder until someone else can come along and replace her.


Yup, something like that. (Many thanks to Mr. Deptford for allowing me to quote his comics for this LP!)

That’s all for this week. Next week we’ll be starting on Sabin’s scenario. Maybe he’ll finally suplex something!

Clearly, instead of jumping in the river, Sabin should have stayed with the group so he could punch out Mr. Left Hook there.

Then you'd have never lost that Ribbon!

Part VI - Shortest Part Ever

So yeah, back to whitewater rafting.



And long-winded prose, naturally.



Sigh. At least the game fully heals you after the Orthros debacle...



Yet another subtle change. Narshe is Narche, and is still pronounced the same way. Why change it? See Cefca and/or the opening FMV of the PS1 port.

This part would be too short otherwise, so I'ma show you some of the Beginner's House.



Oh hey, handy. Too bad we already knew that.



...You put a monster in that chest, didn't you?



Oh you evil bastard. That poor Silver Lion...



And hidden in odd places where the player can't see, too.



Er... I think this'll be relevant later, but it sounds fascinating.

Okay, enough diversion, on with the show!

Bannan "Please, wait!"
Guard "Go away! If you don't......!"
*smack*
Edgar "Hey, wait. I'm King Edgar Figaro..."
Guard "You lie!"
*smack*

Well this is going well.



Edgar "Those guys don't care about us. They're not going to listen to anything we say......"
Tina "I'm sorry. This is my fault..."

Well we knew that wouldn't work, so let's go through the back door.



Ha ha I didn't typo!



Now there's a subtle difference. It's in the GBA version too.

Mines of Narche - Back Way
Enemies: Wild Rat, Valeor, Dark Side, Specter, Rinn



Tina "What?"
Edgar "I've heard of a testing ground for the guards of Narche, where the strongest are selected. This must be it... If we follow the light, we'll be safe... If we make any mistakes, we'll be surrounded by lights, and have to hit the red one to proceed."

Way more informative. Man, no wonder Narche's guards all fall to hits a level 1 character could dish out, this is their final exam?



Oops.



Actually, I could walk that path in my sleep.



This looks familiar...



Yay Moglies!

(Yes, I did call them Moglies. To be fair, that's actually how "Moogle" is supposed to be pronounced; it was first translated to that in Final Fantasy Adventure, aka. Seiken Densetsu, by someone who didn't realize that a double o is pronounced differently than ou, nor that the e at the end of le is almost always silent in English.)



Not making that mistake, no sir.



Before we head on, let's just admire Bannan's equipment. The man is equipped with a late-game weapon called a Punisher, that uses MP to deal critical hits. Bannan does not have MP, therefore it's pretty ineffective in his hands. Dig the tricorn he's sporting, though.

{Yes, I called him Jun. That's his name, not Arvis. Jun.}
Bannan "Jun. What's Narche's situation?"
Jun "The town is refusing to ally with the Returners or the Empire. Though I've persuaded them to join the Returners, they won't be swayed easily. (Slight misunderstanding of terms on my behalf; should have been "tried to persuade") But I'm more interested in why you and the king of Figaro are here, sir Bannan......"
Edgar "How have the residents dealt with the recent events?"
Jun "The Eidolon in the mines really frightens them."
Bannan "We believe this girl may be able to find us answers about the Eidolon."
Jun "The citizens want to know what the Eidolon really is. Maybe Tina will be able to communicate with it somehow......"



Ooh, Biblical! Funnily enough, I'm the only one who ever had the balls to leave this reference fully intact; even the GBA version keeps Woolsey's tamer "dig us an early grave" line.



Oh I just can't decide! I'll have to pick one next time, then.

?

Huh - going back and forth between Eidolon and Phantom Beast here. Or is it just Edgar calling it Phantom Beast and everyone else referring to it as its 'true' (?) name?

What happened is that I decided to retroactively fix that rather kludgey translation during this LP proper. Anywhere you see Eidolon, it says Phantom Beast in the actual translation.

The game always calls it Phantom Beast. Sky Render replaces it when doing non-screenshot quotes due to being embarrassed at the translation choices.

Is anybody else reading all of Bannan's lines with Race Bannon's voice?

Are you being Race-ist?

Oh got that was terrible I'm so sorry.

Only when it comes to ignorant heathen moglies.

I'm surprised no one caught the pun hidden in my last subject line.

A: I tend to overlook the subject lines for post.

B: I ... had to look up the reference I don't think it's very common in the U.S.?

At the risk of unleashing a king-sized shitstorm, I'd enjoy this LP a titch more if you could tone down the passive-aggressive jabs at the original script. There's lots of neat facts, sure (like the story behind the Moogle/Moglie screw-up), but let's face be honest: The original FF 3 script is what's ingrained in gaming culture, and it has every right to be.

I know you're not a big fan of Woolsey, Render, and that's fine. He took liberties; he wasn't perfect. But this guy did a fantastic job localising what was one of the first/biggest JRPG experiences any of us have ever had. In fact, Final Fantasy III is a story about an entire world dying at the hands of a madman, and Woolsey relayed it all to us masterfully even though he was not allowed to use the words "die" or "death." For that, he has my eternal admiration.

Ah, I'm just having the occasional fun jab at him. Quite frankly, I made more than enough mistakes in my translation as it is, and will continue to take great relish in pointing them out for all to see and harping on them like they're far worse than they really are. 'Tis only fair if I do something similar (if toned down a bit) to his mistakes too. It'd be a bit depressing, quite frankly, if all I did was knock my own work for 30+ updates.

Also, as I said at the start of this LP, I've no real beef against the guy and recognize just how influential he really was. I'm no fan, but I can respect what he did for the industry. You should never be afraid to poke fun at the influential big names, though.

Besides, we're seeing both the original SNES version and Sky Renders. If he wants to call things strange names, then we can just shake our heads, smile, and look at the original script.

Well, there's "mistakes" (like where someone obviously read some kana wrong somewhere along the line, or missed a blatant mythological reference, etc), and then there's proper name changes that were obviously completely intentional. Some people may not *like* them, but they were surely done on purpose and not due to mis-reading.

But enough quibbles. I'm still seeing new things - I don't think I ever actually strayed off the light path, and I had no idea you could get out of the ensuing punishment via a quick rhythm-ish game. Nifty.

MERCHANT: Howdy. I own the dry goods business out here! You’re... not from these parts, huh? We’ll, no matter!

And then we buy up a bunch of stuff, most importantly 99 Shurikens. After we finish shopping, the merchant takes off and we can go talk to that mysterious man in black.


Shadow: Imperial soldiers have built a base somewhere beyond the forest.
Sabin: ...Already!?
Shadow: They seem to have their sights set on Doma Castle.
Sabin: So Doma’s next, huh? I have to reach Narshe immediately!
Shadow: Your only hope is through Doma. I’ll show you the way. Just know that I may take off at any time, if I feel like it.

We’re then given a choice between whether or not we want to take Shadow. Why you would ever even think about leaving him behind (especially when you’ve just bought several thousands of gil’s worth of equipment for him), I don’t know. Well, unless you’re trying to do a single character challenge with Sabin and avoiding giving him backup as much as possible.

Shadow: The Reaper is always just a step behind me...

He is kind of freaky, though.


Inside the house we find this weirdo.
AGED MAN: You the clock maker? I been waitin’ for ages!
Party Leader:* Uh... no. I’m not the clock maker.
AGED MAN: There it is, on the wall. Ain’t been tickin’ for 1, 5, shucks, maybe even 10 years!
*A number of dialog boxes in the game aren’t attributed to a character. This generally means that either it’s a generic nameless NPC, someone talking from off camera, or whoever you have in the lead of your party, depending on the context.


PL: Yaaaouch!!!! Phew! No child could be this mischievious!
AGED MAN: Child...? Ain’t no child ‘round here! Bolderdash! I’m ready for you leave! Go on, git! I’m tossin’ ya out onta the Veldt!
PL: ??? I’d rather take a stick in the eye than deal with that guy again...

The old man is able to harass us out of his house, and we begin the long walk to someplace we can find a way to get back to Narshe.


Along the way we shoot magic laser beams and throw shuriken at adorable little green rabbits hiding in salads. Shadow’s special command, Throw, expends an item in your inventory for an attack that is unblockable, ignores defense, and does the same damage from the back row as the front. He can either throw weapons like swords and spears (not usually worth the cost), Stars like these shuriken (cheap and used for nothing else – good basic attack for him), or Skeans (magical effects like turning Shadow invisible or multi-target elemental damage).

When I was kid I assumed Skeans were meant to be Skeins, like it was a coil of magical yarn or something. Now I know that a skean is actually a Gaelic dagger usually concealed in a boot top or some such, and I’m just more confused. A skean’s use as a hidden/holdout weapon does make some sense for a ninja, but I still feel like this is translation shenanigans just because a scroll would make so much more sense for magic ninja attacks.


Anyway, we keep marching on, eventually reaching this suspicious little patch of random dead land.


[Two SOLDIERS meet on their patrol and start talking.]
SOLDIER A: Hey, have you heard?
SOLDIER B: Oh, you mean...
SOLDIER A: Shhh! Quiet down. If Kefka catches us, we’re toast. If he drives General Leo out of our battalion, he’ll probably become the next general!
SOLDIER B: Don’t make me laugh! If someone like him becomes a general, I’ll go home!
SOLDIER A: Shhhhh! What if he hears you? You’ll be jailed!
SOLDIER B: Alright, alright! Uh, oh... Here he comes... Back to the waiting zone!

SOLDIER A: Yes, Sir. You’re Kefka, correct? How are you, Sir?
KEFKA: Please! Save your petty small talk! Just do your job!
SOLDIER B: Phew...! Someone’s gotta put that guy away! I’d like to tell him to his face he’s no General Leo!
SOLDIER A: Shhhh! Do I always have to tell you keep it down?! You’re hopeless...! I hate that weirdo, Kefka. I don’t even think he’s human, not like General Leo...
SOLDIER B: Agreed.
[A SOLDIER in dark green runs up.]
COMMANDER: You two! We’re about to storm Doma Castle... You will join the assault team!

Kefka doesn’t seem very nice. First he enslaves Terra and tests out her power on his own troops, then he tries to burn down Figaro, and now he seems to be second in command in this camp. Golly, I hope he doesn’t perform some new atrocity here!

Oh, who am I kidding? The reason you love to hate Kefka is because you know he’s going to perform some atrocity, you just don’t know what.

DOMA SENTRY: So, it’s finally happening...
UNKNOWN VOICE: A moment, Sir! [A man in blue armor walks into the scene.] Allow me the honor!


Cyan: If we can fell their commander, they’ll surely give up. Let us give it a try.


[The two SENTRIES hold back the Imperial troops while CYAN confronts the leader.]
Cyan: I am Cyan, retainer to the King of Doma. I am your worst nightmare...


Cyan’s special command is SwdTech, one of the more divisive mechanics in the game. It has some decent abilities, but the command is a pain to use: select it and the game pops up a bar that fills up over time. Press the button again and you’ll use the attack of the highest highlighted number. The problem is that the bar fills up ssooo sssslllooooooowlyyyyy. If you want to charge it up to a high level, the enemy will get in a few attacks before you can input Cyan’s command; of course, there’s no way to command other party members while charging up SwdTech either. Seven out of the eight Sword Techs just aren’t worth the hits you’ll take trying to use them.

On the other hand, the most generally useful Tech is also the first one, which is ready the instant you select the command. Dispatch is basically a Fight command with a flat battle power of 120 (good for now, less impressive in the mid-to-late game), but it’s unblockable and ignores defense. Despite supposedly being physical damage, as far as I can tell it’s not affected by Cyan’s row. And of course a lot of people like Cyan just for being Cyan. The man adds a touch of class to the group that brawlers, thieves, and grumpy old men just can’t match.


One Dispatch is generally enough to take out the commander and the Imperial rabble run off as soon as he’s gone. Afterward, the Domans retreat back into their castle to wait out the siege and we cut back to Shadow and Sabin, who are now able to run around the camp.

Directly to the player’s right (Sabin’s left) is a tent guarded by a dog, holding a difficult chest.

PL: Right...
(The game gives you three choices: leave the chest alone, kick it, or hit it. Kicking it will summon the guard dog for a fight. Hitting it, on the other hand...)
PL: Yeeeouch!
SOLDIER: Who goes there?
PL: No! A sentry!
[The party leaps behind the chest as the SOLDIER rushes into the tent.]
SOLDIER: ...??? I knew I heard something...
PL: Meoooow
SOLDIER: Just a lousy cat...

Ladies and gentlemen, the comedic stealth stylings of Shadow the Ninja! And for all that work we get... a Star Pendant. Something we already have enough for a whole party and that doesn’t actually do us any good in this area. Oh well. You can sneak around the sentry and get into the other tent here, but there’s no point.

Crossing over the river into the main area of the camp we almost walk right into the famous General Leo. We take shelter and eavesdrop on what must a high-level strategy meeting.


SOLDIER: General Leo. The citizens of Doma seem to be playing a waiting game...
LEO: So, that’s their strategy.
SOLDIER: General. We’re ready to take the castle. Just give the order...
LEO: Patience! If we attack now, we’ll have to sacrifice too many lives.
SOLDIER: But, General! I’m ready to lay my life down at any time for the Empire!
LEO: You’re from Maranda, right?
SOLDIER: Y...yes Sir. Why?
LEO: And your family lives there? Fall in battle, and I’ll have to deliver the bad news... What shall I say to them? You have a life to back to someday. Don’t throw it all away for nothing. Emperor Gestahl wouldn’t want that.
SOLDIER: Yes, Sir!
[The SOLDIER runs off to continue the siege. Another SOLDIER runs up with news.]
SOLDIER: General Leo! A carrier pigeon from Emperor Gestahl.
LEO: What...? The Emperor summons me. I must return immediately.
SOLDIER: I understand, Sir.
LEO: Right. I’ll leave Doma in your hands.
SOLDIER: Yes, Sir.
LEO: Okay... Just don’t jump the gun. Please...
SOLDIER: Sir! Leave it to us, Sir!
LEO: Right.
PL: So that’s General Leo... He could be my friend, if he weren’t my enemy... [The PARTY breaks cover and starts to move, but is surprised by something and runs back behind the wall.]


[LEO walks up behind KEFKA.]
LEO: The Emperor has ordered me to return home. I don’t want any trouble here!
KEFKA: You loser! I’ll take care of this situation in no time!
LEO: Don’t be pompous! And DON’T forget that they are PEOPLE, just like you and me.
KEFKA: We need not spare those lands that gave rise to the Returners! [LEO walks away.] You just go and be a good little boy...! [KEFKA approaches a SOLDIER.] Is the poison ready?
SOLDIER: But, General Leo said...
KEFKA: He’s no longer here! I’m in charge now. Pour it!
SOLDIER: Some of our people are prisoners inside the castle! If we poison the river...
KEFKA: Do it! Take ’em all out! [KEFKA wanders toward the river and the PARTY jumps out in his way.]
PL: That’s inhuman!
KEFKA: Unh? Silence! You’re history, bub...

We’re finally going to face him! Kefka, the monster. Kefka, the (attempted) destroyer of Figaro Castle. Kefka, the enslaver of Terra. Kefka, the... actually, I can’t really think of anything he’s done specifically to Sabin and Shadow. The other things are bad enough though, and Sabin can’t just stand by and watch Doma be poisoned anyway.


It turns out Kefka’s a wuss at this point, though - one hit and he runs away. If you take your time before hitting him he can hit you with a morningstar or some basic magic, but that’s about it.
Sabin: Kefka! Wait!!!
KEFKA: “Wait,” he says... ... Do I look like a waiter?
PL: Wait!!!
[The PARTY chases KEFKA deeper into the base.]

Kefka does not like being Suplexed and runs away again, with the same script. (By the way, I love the detail of the Magitek armor hooked up to what appear to be generators. It gives you an idea of just how long these guys plan to be here.)

KEFKA: Huh!? How long do you expect me to put up with you? Next time, you’re a goner. [Ten feet away, KEFKA stops to talk to a SOLDIER. The PARTY catches up again.] Oh, gripe! Hey! If you know what’s good for you...

I’ve never been sure whether Kefka’s nebulous threat was directed at Sabin and Shadow to get them to stop following him or if it was directed at the soldier, who honestly probably wouldn’t be all that enthusiastic to protect Kefka. Either way, the story mandates that the soldier and his buddies prove just enough of a speed bump (one attack each, but there’s four of them!) to let Kefka follow through on his plan.


DOMA SENTRY: Sir Cyan! The Empire’s base is bustling with activity. Something must be up!
Cyan: Huh? The water looks odd...

DOMA SENTRY: Sir Cyan!
Cyan: This is... POISON!
DOMA SENTRY: What lowdown, contemptible...!
Cyan: Guard our liege!
[CYAN and the DOMA SENTRY run down the stairs into the castle.]
DOMA SENTRY: To the King, on the double!
Cyan: Right! The King’s room is near!

Cyan: Cyan, Excellency.
KING DOMA: Indeed! My sight is going fast... Can’t see a thing...
Cyan: Excellency! Hang on!
KING DOMA: Cyan... You have defended the realm since my father’s days... hack cough... Thank you... It’s over... Our kingdom is through.
Cyan: Not yet, Highness!
KING DOMA: I fear for your family. Uhh... chest is on f...fire...
Cyan: Save your strength! Don’t talk!
KING DOMA: Go...run to your family... hack... gasp... ......
Cyan: Highness!!
[A DOMA SENTRY runs into the room.]
DOMA SENTRY: Sir Cyan!
Cyan: There have to be some survivors in the castle!
DOMA SENTRY: Let’s split up...
[CYAN runs from the room and to his family’s suite.]