A Tale of Two Scripts: Let's play FF3 US & FF6 RPGOne!

It's an hour until update time and I have way more than an hour's worth of work left on the next chapter. I'll try to get it up late tonight, but there's a good chance the next update will be going up tomorrow night instead. I considered not saying anything and seeing if anyone noticed I was late, but that seemed disingenuous.

Suits me fine. I won't be updating 'til I wake up at the earliest tomorrow anyway.

You might want to grab a sandwich or something first. This is a long one.


We pick up a few steps east of where we left off last week. The only way we can see to proceed is through this little mountain pass. In the mountains we find- oooh, looks pretty.


Cyan: To the south is the Veldt. Dangerous creatures there.
Sabin: And the Empire’s right on our tails.
Cyan: If we can slip through the Veldt, we can reach the town of Mobliz, to the east...
Shadow: I have served my purpose... [SHADOW begins to walk away.]
Sabin: Shadow! Thanks for your help! Let’s join ranks again some time!


We can’t very well follow after Shadow like sad puppies, as awesome as he is, and that leaves us only one way off this mountain:

WWWWAAAHHOOOOOOOOOOO


The Baren Falls are another one of the non-dungeons this game likes so much. It’s simply a series of automatic battles in front of an unchanging (well, repeatedly scrolling) background with distractions like “exploration” and “loot” cut out. Insert your own FF13 joke here.


The mooks here are pretty dang mook-y. These Piranhas only have basic attacks and 10 HP, low enough that even Cyan’s wimpy little Black Belt counterattack from the back row will kill them. They do tiny amounts of damage, only come in pairs or trios, and you probably can’t avoid killing them all if Cyan or Sabin has the Black Belt relic equipped. About the only interesting thing about them is that the next group to appear depends on which Piranha of the previous group was killed last.


Then you run into this guy. With a respectable battle power, a number of powerful special attacks, and almost eighty times the HP of his mooks, Rizopas makes a respectable boss. Compared to the Piranhas and with only two party members, that is. If Cyan’s keeping up the Fangs and Sabin’s shooting off AuraBolts beefed up with a pair of magic-damage-boosting Earrings relics, Rizopas probably won’t last long enough to shoot off any of his really scary attacks.


Case in point. With Rizopas dead, Cyan and Sabin are finally free to take a little rest and drift gently down the river.


They fetch up on the riverbank again. This is getting to be a bad habit with Sabin. He’s not alone this time, though.



And the dirty little munchkin runs off.

I never thought about it until now, but that’s actually a pretty big coincidence, if that’s what it is. Sabin starts off his scenario washing up on a river bank next to the crazy old man’s house, and the midway point is marked by his washing up on a river bank and being found by the crazy old man’s abandoned son. I wonder where he’ll wash up next!

Anyway, this is our introduction to the Veldt. This area is a special part of the world map where you can face (almost) any encounter you’ve fought previously in the game, like so:


Remember these guys? If you don’t, here’s a little reminder. They’re actually slightly tougher now, since we have no extra-powerful attacks that hit the Marshal’s weakness to OHKO it like Mog’s Pois.Frog did way back at the beginning of the game. Still only takes a couple rounds of randomly targeted attacks to take all these guys out, though.


Ooh... I’m hungry!
After the battle, the munchkin appears again. Getting him to join our team isn’t hard. We just need to use a certain command on him.


It’s not Suplex.
Gau: Uwaou!! Waooo......ooo! You......strangers...! Go away! You scare animals! [GAU marches off.]


Or Cyan’s Slash. (Third SwdTech, reduces enemy to � their HP. Gau doesn’t do anything until you act, so this is a convenient time to let SwdTechs charge just to see what they do.)


On the northeastern edge of the Veldt we find this little town, mostly untouched by Imperial aggression thanks to their isolation. Of course, this is the first new town we’ve seen in a while, so you know what means: NPC chatter time!

“You came via Baren Falls? Unbelievable! It’s flowing like there’s no tomorrow...!”
“Duane and Katrin are both 16 and in love!”
[DUANE and KATARIN are standing in a corner of the village, staring at each other.]
DUANE: ... ...
KATARIN: ... ...
“Letters tell us that war has broken out!”
“Only carrier pigeons link our village to the outside.”
That’s... that’s not how carrier pigeons work. At the very least you’d need caravans going in and out bringing in pigeons from other places that would fly back there with messages, and taking pigeons to those other places that would carry messages back to Mobliz.... Oh well, that’s far from the worst misuse of carrier pigeons in this town.

“You stop by the house up in the far north? The guy there’s a tad psycho. Threw his own kid out, thinking it was a monster!”
“Out hunting, I noticed a kid running with a herd of beasts! His parents know where he is?”
“This region’s called the Veldt. Monsters from all over the world migrate here.”
“I threw some ‘Dried Meat’ into a herd of hungry animals, and some kid emerged and grabbed it!”
Sounds like quite the tip. Fortunately the item store here sells Dried Meat, so I grab a piece for when I run into Gau again.

This is actually a more cost-effective way of healing than Potions, with a 1:1 GP:HP ratio compared to the Potion’s 5:6. However, Potions are still handy for the sake of healing more HP with one action in battle and can be bought at more than one store in the world, so they’re still better.

While we’re shopping, I also spend most of my money getting upgrades for everyone, and I mean everyone.

This is actually why I save Sabin’s scenario for the last: it’s the only one of the three scenarios with upgraded equipment shops, and doing it last means both we have the money gained during the other paths and we can see what’s an upgrade for every character. We won’t get Shadow again for a little while, but as soon as we’ve reunited the three different parties we’ll be happy we’ve got the best equipment possible for the other seven characters.

“The entrance to the Serpent Trench is south of Crescent Mountain.”
“Strong currents run through the Serpent Trench. Hop into the current, and you’ll be swept to Nikeah! Too bad our underwater breathing device was stolen!”

It’s hard to follow in an animated gif, but the Serpent Trench starts at a mountain in the south of the Veldt, follows the coast north past Doma, then shoots across the open sea to Nikeah in the north.

“Some soldier wandered here. Busted up pretty bad, too. It doesn’t look good... Only the letters coming from the town of Maranda are keeping him going...”
“Keep your voices down!”
“The soldier in here is hurt pretty bad.”
[The PARTY enters the house.]
INJURED LAD: I’m from Maranda. The Empire invaded, and made me join their army. I fled when I heard we were making for Doma. They caught me... and did this... Now I can’t even move. I’ll never see Lola again... On the desk is a letter. Will you please read it?

[The PARTY picks up the letter on the desk and takes the chair next to the INJURED LAD.]

Quote:

I can’t get used to Imperial troopers walking the streets of Maranda, but otherwise things are okay. Flowers are blooming in the garden, telling me spring is here. How are you doing? I’m so worried. I wish I could fly to your side! Rest, and know that I think about you constantly. Come back to me. Lola

INJURED LAD: I’d like to write her back, but I can’t even pick up a pen. I want to get better! I want to see Lola...

So... Maranda is an occupied city under martial law from which conscripts are taken for the Imperial forces, but produces soldiers prepared to sacrifice themselves in suicide charges like that boy at the Imperial camp? And how does Lola know where her beau is? She must know he’s a deserter if she knows to send her letters to Mobliz. Well, whatever, our course in this sidequest seems obvious. All we have to do is head to the post office, give them a bunch of GP to send a letter in the boy’s stead, and get the reward.


“Gonna send a letter for that soldier, right?”
Seems fair, considering the trouble it must be to get those carrier pigeons back from the southern continent. We send the letter then, what with the long day we’ve had, head to the back room of the local relic shop for a free nap in the shop owner’s bed. The next day we head back to the injured soldier for our payback.


Oh sonofa.... Alright, we grab the next letter.
INJURED LAD: I’d give Lola everything... If only I could move...


And now carrier pigeons can carry records. I get the feeling we’ll be sending a lot of things for this kid.
[The next day, the PARTY returns to the INJURED LAD.]
INJURED LAD: Another letter has arrived. Could you read it?

Quote:

Mother’s taken ill. We can’t afford medicine. If only we had some Tonic...

[INJURED LAD repeats his line from yesterday.]


But... liquid... fragile... padding... item cost... weight... how many pigeons... nyergh.

Not only does this sidequest give you an aneurysm if you think too much about the mechanics and logistics involved, but it also becomes pretty repetitive. INJURED LAD gets a letter, you have something sent to Lola, sleep at the inn, INJURED LAD gets a letter.... Let’s sum up the last couple steps:
Letter sent! For the same cost as a fragile and much heavier record and phial of Tonic. A Tonic Lola could have afforded for herself if she hadn’t paid 500 GP to send a letter to Mobliz in the first place.
Book sent! For some reason, we can only trigger the next step of this sidequest once with a free sleep at the relic shop. All other times require a paid stay at the inn. At 500 GP per package and 100 GP per inn stay, that’s almost 3000 GP total. Between that and upgrading equipment, it’s easy to run out of money. Grinding money on the Veldt isn’t difficult though; since everything there is something we’ve already beaten there isn’t much to fear, and one of the little quirks of the Veldt is that the enemies there don’t give experience so people who want a challenge in the rest of the game don’t need to worry about overleveling here.

But anyway, weren’t we sidequesting?

INJURED LAD: I wish to thank you. Please accept this as a token of my appreciation.
[The PARTY receives “Tintinabar.”]
This is a somewhat handy relic that restores a few HP to the wearer with each step taken, kind of an outside-of-battle version of the Regen spell. Its usefulness is limited by the fact that you have to watch your party’s HP closely and switch it between characters a lot to get the most use out of it, and the fact that it takes a relic slot that’s generally better used increasing your offence.

Armed with the Tintinabar and Dried Meat (only one of these is actually required) we can continue with the story. Another couple fights on the Veldt and we run into Gau again. Avoid the temptation to test more attacks on him, go to the item menu, and use your Dried Meat on him.


(Why it’s sparkly meat I won’t begin to guess.)
[GAU begins to jump around excitedly.]
Sabin: What the... ...
Cyan: Thou art so... ...odd. I’m Cyan and he’s Sabin.

Sabin: No more for you.
Gau: You go... ...get more for me.
Sabin: You’re a regular munchkin!
Gau: And you... ...afraid of me!
Sabin: You wanna fight?
Gau: Me not wanna hurt you... ...
Sabin: Stop looking at me like that!

Sabin: Wheeze... ...puff... ...! You’re pretty tough!
Gau: Wah, ha! That fun! You strong!
[GAU and SABIN tussle some more, GAU soon breaking off and laughing while SABIN continues his leaping.]
Gau: Me like dancing! You good leader!
Sabin: Shut up!!
Cyan: Simmer down, sirs! And thou, o wild one... ...who might thou be?
[GAU gets close to CYAN and looks him in the eye.]
Gau: Thou? [Jumps away.] Thou! Thou! [Continues jumping around the screen.] Thou! Thou! Thou! Thou!

Gau: Cyan! You angry... ...me? [Crouches next to CYAN.] Cyan! You angry... ...me? [Switches to the other side.] Cyan! You angry... ...me?
[SABIN pulls GAU away from CYAN.]
Sabin: Listen, his family was just... ...
Gau: Me understand... ...me sorry. Me not mean person... ...
Cyan: Look! We can’t have ye two prancing ‘round all day! Gau, I think we’re going to get on well together. Why don’t you join us?
Gau: Ah! I give you present! Gau give Cyan and Sabin nice gift in thanks for food!
Sabin: What manner of rubbish do you suppose he’s gonna...?
Gau: Gau’s treasure... ... shiny, shiny!! Shiny, shiny, shiny!!!
Sabin: Can anything be THAT shiny?
Gau: Does Mr. Thou like shiny thing?
Sabin: Mr. Thou’s that one, over THERE!! A shiny thing, eh...? Think how jealous Locke’s gonna be when he hears about this!
Gau: Who be Locke? He bad man? Maybe he try steal my treasure! [Turns away from SABIN.]
Sabin: Locke? Well, he’s... ...Listen when someone’s talking to you!
Cyan: I think he’s trying to tell us something!
Sabin: Urgh... ...all right... ...carry on... ...

Gau: Sabin, place where you buy food... it called Mobliz! Cyan, place where you stand... ...river brought you there... ...Now, we go to Crescent Mountain! Shiny thing, there!
Cyan: Look, let’s just go along with him to this Crescent Mountain.
[CYAN and GAU walk off screen. SABIN follows, but stop while still on.]
Sabin: Phew... ...why’d we invite him along, anyway...?
[GAU moonwalks back onto screen.]
Gau: Mr. Thou! Hurry up! We’re leaving!!
Sabin: Hey! I told you once, I’m not Mr. Thou!!! [Chases GAU off screen.]

Phew... ...why is this scene so wordy when one character can barely form coherent sentences, anyway...? There’s a lot that could be said about this scene, about Gau’s enthusiasm at finding friends, the combat abilities he must have to go two rounds with Sabin and not even be winded, his wits at making a crude map using his new friends, and so on, but I’m the guy focusing on mechanics and not story. And no, I’m not tearing up at this abandoned orphan finally finding people to care for and to care for him, I just have something in my eye....

Also, Gau moonwalks at one point. It’s impossible to show off in screenshots, but it always make me crack a smile when I see it.

But yes, mechanics! And boy is Gau a wealth of them.

The basics: Unlike most of the characters Gau has two special commands. His Fight command is replaced with Rage; once you’ve chosen your Rage Gau will fight on autopilot with a 50/50 chance each turn of using either a basic attack or the rage’s special attack. Because some of the specials are really powerful, this can break the game wide open. We don’t have access to those powers quite yet, but what we can get at this point includes: Windslash (unblockable wind elemental damage to all enemies, from the Marshal Rage), Cat Scratch (4x power physical attack, from Stray Cat), Bio (from Trilium), Fire2 (from Templar), and the instant kill Snare (from Rhodox).

A secondary concern with Rage is that each one comes with a set of different intrinsics. The M-tek Armor Rage has an intrinsic Protect status, for instance. In most cases this isn’t nearly as important as the attacks given, but it can be handy to keep in mind.

Gau’s other special is Leap, which is how he learns new Rages. Only accessible while on the Veldt, choose Leap in combat and Gau will temporarily leave your party, immediately ending the fight.

Keep fighting on the Veldt and he’ll eventually return.

“Uwao, aooh! I’m Gau! I’m your friend! Let’s travel together!”
Gau will have learned the Rages of the enemies you were fighting when he Leapt and when he returned. You can game this a bit by attacking Gau before the screen fades out, driving him off to return again later.


Following Gau’s directions, we find this cave in the mountains to the south.

[GAU starts sniffing around the ground.]

Sabin: Cyan! The shiny thing Gau spoke of is in here.
Cyan: Uh, Sir Gau, where exactly is it?
Gau: Gau... forget!!

(16-bit facepalming!)
Sabin: Shall we look around?
Cyan: Indeed!
[The PARTY proceeds to explore the cave.]


Sabin: Tonic...
Cyan: T...this is Sir Gau’s treasure?!

[GAU stands at a precipice and acts agitated. SABIN comes up to help.]
Sabin: Hey, Gau. What’s wrong?

Sabin: Gau... YOU!
Cyan: Oh, dear. Sir Sabin, let me handle this.
Sabin: Urggggh!
Oh, that mischievous little munchkin. Sometimes you just want to wring his adorable little neck.


Just a little further down the cave Gau digs up his actual shiny.
Cyan: Is this it? Gau’s “treasure”?
Gau: Treasure... yesss...
Cyan: Looks like glass...
Sabin: Looks like it just might fit... Hummm... Is this of any use? Will this really let us breathe underwater? Let’s go!
[The PARTY exits the cave.]

Sabin: But unless we hop in, we won’t see our friends again...
Excuse me Sabin, but don’t you mean your friends? Cyan and Gau have never met the other protagonists.


Yes, that’s Sabin the massive bodybuilder and Cyan the prim old samurai laughing at an adolescent boy’s fear of jumping twenty feet down into whitewater rapids.
Sabin: Let’s go!

[SABIN and CYAN leap from the cliff, forcing GAU to choose between risking his neck with them or going back to his lonely life. Dicks. After a moment, GAU follows.]


Welcome to another autoscrolling dungeon! Unlike the others of its ilk, the Serpent Trench is actually slightly dangerous.

Actaneon, that ugly little anemone thing, isn’t much, and the oarfish-type enemy is only a little tougher, but that jellyfish Aspik has a nasty lightning attack called Gigavolt that can quickly wipe out the party. In fact, Gau quickly gets OHKOed by it since I forgot to actually give him any equipment. Oops. (He can’t equip weapons, since his attack depends on his Rage, but he can equip defensive equipment.)

Aspik has two redeeming graces: it can’t take a lot of damage, and it makes for an awesome Rage once you can get back to the Veldt. The Anguiform – the oarfish – gives you the Aqua Breath attack as a Rage, which is a nice water elemental attack that hits all enemies; all in all, this is a good enemy group to Leap on the Veldt.


There’s two little pit stops during the dungeon where you can pick up a little treasure. More importantly, there’s no enemy encounters here so they’re good places to pop on the Tintinabar and walk back and forth until you’ve healed up. Fortunately, the only thing you really have to worry about in the Trench is the Aspik; there’s no boss or anything like that. Shortly after the second pit stop, we simply...

Wash up on the Nikeah docks.

Nikeah provides Sabin with one last chance to upgrade the Returners’ equipment before they’re all reunited. Since we already did that at Mobliz, though, this city is mostly for us to heal and listen to some NPC chatter.
“Have any imported goods?”
“You took one look at me and thought I was a loser, right? You’re obligated to buy from me, now!”
“Move along, now. You’re in the way!”
“No one can reach Nikeah unless they have a ship!”
“Looks like junk, but...”
“A rock slide has blocked the path leading north.” (The idea is that if it wasn’t for this, we could just walk to here from the Old Man's house, completely skipping 90% of Sabin's scenario. And no, I don’t believe the “rock slide” is ever cleared up; it’s just feature of the geography.)
“Ya met that odd man, lives near the Lete River? His bore ‘im a son 13 years ago. It was a problem birth, and the woman passed away. The man totally lost it. He thought the newborn was a monster. Wonder what happened to the poor little baby?”
“There used to be ships sailing to the southern continent. Tzen, Albrook, Maranda... They’ve all been smashed.”
DANCER: Yoo hoo! You handsome thing. How ‘bout joining me? Tee hee!

DANCER: Geez, don’t blow an artery, baby!
[CYAN freaks out at this familiarity and runs into the wall.]
Cyan: B...baby?!
Sabin: Cyan... Don’t let it get to you.
Cyan: I’m not like that!
Sabin: No one thinks you are. Just let it go.
DANCER [moves close to CYAN]: Stop whispering! My ears are burnin’, baby!
Cyan: Enough! Have you no shame? I’ll have you know...etc...etc.


And that’s Nikeah. We go back to the docks and discover a ferry headed toward South Figaro and willing to give us a ride.

Sabin: I hope the others arrived safely!
Cyan: I’m sure they did.
Gau: Me hope so, too...


But that’s for next week. This update is more than long enough already.

I always thought this was a bit odd - mainly because Locke had to go through a giant clothes-stealing adventure and deal with some wall-tunneling monstrosity to get out of South Figaro, whereas Sabin and co. seem to get a free pass to Narshe when they head there. Granted, gameplay-wise I can understand as Sabin's journey is ridiculously long as it is, without the extra South Figaro leg, but it just seems odd, y'know?

"I told you I'm not Mr. Thou!"

No, they'd have to have it on a line.

I believe that refers to the path between Nikeah and the crazy old man's house, which you can later traverse. Without the 'rockslide', Sabin could have just gone straight to Nikeah from there.

I figured they just jumped off the ship somewhere outside the city. They've already jumped into both a waterfall and rapids; the ocean seems pretty tame in comparison.

Oh yes, you're right. Nikeah's in kind of a weird spot and you do so little there it's hard to remember the geography.

For those that don't know, Nikeah is situated on a little delta-type spot between two branches of a waterway - Lete River to the west and an unnamed river to the right. There's no way to cross the Lete back to the mainland, but there's a bridge across the other river and a long strip of land skirting a mountain range that leads right back to the Old Man's house. However, the mountains butt right up against the ocean in one spot, preventing you from actually walking all the way across it. I got confused and thought there were bridges over both the rivers when I was writing the update.

Nikeah also has an interesting little bug in its geography - when you get the airship, under no circumstances should you park it to the right of Nikeah. If you go into town, you'll be unable to get back to your airship ever again. See, when you leave town, you'll be on the *left* side of town, and the only way to get to your airship is to be on the *right* side of town. Normally not a problem, except that mountains and rivers block all access to the right side o' town.

Nobody in Sabin's party is a wanted fugitive.

They do remove the rock-slide eventually, but I don't know what triggers it.

I want to say it's getting your airship, because it's possible to park at Narshe and do the Sabin Loop again. In fact, it's required to get one of Mog's dances.

Part IX - Water We Doing Out Here Anyway?

ProTip: when doing an LP, don't put off the longest part of the entire thing to play more Dragon Quest VI just because it's finally out in America officially! So as I tune out from the sixth outing of Japan's biggest local hit RPG series, let's tune into the sixth outing of Japan's biggest international hit RPG series instead. To Baren Falls!



This cave seems kinda pointless, but I guess they wanted to pad out the path to the waterfall somehow.



Cayene "The Beast Plains are to the south of here. Those plains are dangerous, many cruel monsters wander them."
Matias "And we can't turn back, the Imperial army is right on our tails..." {That's news to me. What, they don't have to deal with the ghost-infested train of the damned to get here?}
Cayene "Hmm. If we can make it across the Beast Plains, sir, we should be able to reach Mobriz, on the eastern shore of the continent, but..."

(Appropriately enough, today's update will feature the water window background.)



Matias "Shadow!"
*Ninja Stare!*
Matias "We're indebted to you. If our paths ever cross again, let's team up."

Yeah, he's probably gonna charge next time since you kinda stiffed him on this one.



If you have to ask, you clearly don't know anything about Matias.



GERONIMOOOOOO~!



♪♪ Battle ♪♪

This pretty much sums up the trip down. Fish die. A lot.



This fish doesn't go down without a fight, of course. I'm just glad he didn't use El Nin~o on me.



As ever, Matias is all washed up.



♪♪ Gau's Theme ♪♪

Who could this mysterious boy of mystery be?



This is Gau, of course. Some vital statistics on this strange child:

Name: Gau
Age: 13
Class: Wild Boy
Height: 163cm (5'4")
Weight: 50kg (110lbs)
Birthday: 4/05
Zodiac Sign: Taurus
Blood Type: B
Birthplace: Lethe River banks
Favorite Thing: Anything shiny
Least Favorite Thing: Clothes
Hobby: Rampages
Treasured Possession: A bit of scrap from a toy bear that somebody threw away

Clearly not a boy to be messed with.



Oh boy, are we gonna have wrestle-man-on-wild-boy action!?



Laaame!



♪♪ Veldt ♪♪

I hate the Beast Plains. As noted by Lucas, you can fight almost anything here. This includes enemies that, while perfectly easy to beat on with 3 or 4 party members, are a right pain to take on with only two.



Oh look, it's everyone's favorite self-referencing child!

Oooh...... Hungry......

Oh, you're hungry, are you?



EAT WHITE HOT DEATH! MWAHAHAHAHA!

Go away, go away!!"

I don't think he liked his white hot death very much.



♪♪ Kids Running Through the City Corner ♪♪

How quaint. And Engrish-esque. Anyway, now that we're in Mobriz, let's talk with the lesidents. I mean residents.

Old Man "Did you come here via Baren Falls? I can't believe it. The currents at this time of year are fierce, nobody in their right mind would enter them..." {"In his right mind" is one thing Matias never has to worry about being, fortunately.}Man "Is it true that war has broken out, as the letters claim?"
Postman "Letters sent by carrier pigeons are the only link this village has to the outside world."
Woman "Did you meet the old man living alone on the plains to the north? He lost his mind years ago, they say. Supposedly, he threw his own child out on the Beast Plains, mistaking it for a monster."
Roguish Fellow "Not many pass through the Beast Plains. It's not safe to do so any more. Monsters from all over the world gather here."
Hunter "I was out on the Beast Plains yesterday, and while fighting a group of monsters, I noticed a strange boy nearby... I wonder who he was...?"
Man "I threw some dried meat at a group of monsters, and a strange boy suddenly ran up and took it. What manner of child was that?"
Little Boy "Hey, keep your voices down!"
Little Girl "A wounded soldier is trying to rest in this house. Please, try not to make too much noise or disturb him."
Woman "A soldier who was wounded came to our village, and is resting in this house. His wounds haven't healed, despite having them treated... Only the letters coming from Maranda from time to time have kept him from slipping into despair. I feel sorry for him......"
Woman "Dean and Catalina are both 16 years old. Ah, young love is in the air..."
Dean "......"
Catalina "......"
Postmaster "If you ever need to send something out by mail, just speak to me. We send letters and packages from here to all parts of the world!"
Scholar "Do you know about the 'Serpent Trench', which runs through the bottom of the ocean near here?"
-> Yes
Scholar "If you had our town's diving helmet, you could ride the current all the way to Nikea."
->No
(Showing off the Serpent Trench in glorious Mode7)
Scholar "If you ride the current, you can reach the port town of Nikea... Unfortunately, our village's diving helmet was stolen, and it's unsafe to ride the current without one."

Oh good bloody HELL that was a lot of chatter. Let's just get on with this.



"The Empire is currently occupying Maranda, and I was forced against my will to join the Imperial army. I was going to fight at Doma, but I got s red
and ran away... The Imperial troops found me later, though, and broke almost every bone in my body... I can't even move now... I'll never see Lola's face again... I can't reach that letter over there. Would you pick it up and read it to me?"

Line formatting muck-up found in-translation preserved for sake of comedy. The letter reads as follows:



Never thought to have someone write you one by proxy, eh?



Like this!

I can send the letter to Lola in Maranda for 500 Gil, okay?"
(Send the letter)
(Forget it)

Sadly, postage is a bitch, but we can handle that. It's just one letter, after all.

One wild night at the inn later (they charged 100 Gil, you'd better believe Matias raised some hell during naptime), the post has already arrived! Damn that is one fast pigeon.

Oh jeez, this girl's demanding. You sure you want her, dude?



Okay, fine, we'll mail her your favorite record. I hope the postage for musical discs is better than letters...



No such luck. Damn, we're gonna run out of cash at this rate. Better go kill stuff out in the wild for a bit. Better bring some beef jerky or something to snack on too. Man, this is turning into a day trip...



No, don't throw it at the kid, Cayene! I know it tastes nasty, but you need to keep your health up!



Cayene "My, what a strange lad, sir!!"
*Points to himself and the muscleman*
Cayene "I am Cayene, and this is Matias, sir."
Gau "You Matias and you Cayene. You get Gau more food!"
*Matias goes hop, Gau goes hop-back*
Matias "Ha, not a chance."
Gau "No, you get more!!"
*And again, for good measure*
Matias "Forget it, kid."
Gau "You afraid of me?"
*Now they do it in the other direction*
Matias "You gonna fight us?"
*And again!*
Gau "Not fight, follow you!"
*Let's do the hop-step again!*
Matias "Hey, stop looking at me so sweetly!"
*Um, I'll just show you...*



Dude, Matias, that's just not right.

*They hop-dance around a bit*
Matias "Gh, gh... You're one hell of a runner!"
Gau "Ha ha! You fun!"
*And another, faster hop-dance! Gau quits early and laughs!*
Gau "Caught you! Caught you!"
Matias "Shut it!"
*Samurai intervention!*
Come now, enough. Now then, who are you, sir?"
*Gau steps up to Cayene*
Gau "Sir?"
*Gau jumps away*
Gau "Sir! Sir!"
*Hoppin* Gau!*
Gau "Sir! Sir!"
*And again!*
Gau "Sir! Sir!"
*Once more, with feeling! Cayene is not amused!*
Gau "Sir! Sir!"
*Gau notices Cayene's pissed*
Gau "Angry?"
*Gau hops forward*
Gau "Cayene! You angry me?"
*It's just a crouch to the left!*
Gau "Cayene! You angry me?"
*And a kneel to the right!*
Gau "Cayene! You angry me?"
*Matias drags Gau off for a talk*
Matias "Actually, he's having a rough time, his family was......"
*Gau crawls back over to Cayene*
Gau "Understand. Gau was a bad boy. Me sorry."
Cayene "Come now, we cannot tarry here all day, sirs! I'm sure sir Gau and you will become quick friends in no time. Now then, shall we all go together?"

(That was just to demonstrate how highly animated FF6's story scenes really are. It was pretty groundbreaking at the time.)



For food!"
Matias "What sort of trivial prize could he give us, anyway...?"
Gau "Gau's treasure! Shiny shiny! Shiny shiny shiny shiny treasure!"
Matias "Can anything be THAT shiny?"
Gau "Does Sir Sir like shiny-shiny things?" {This accidental bit of fun with words is about the ONLY good thing to come out of Cayene's verbal tic.}
Matias "HE'S Sir Sir!!"
"A shiny object, hmm...... Lock's going to be envious when he hears about this......"
Gau "Who lock? He bad man? Maybe, he try steal my treasure?"
Matias "Well, Lock is..."
*Gau's too busy freaking out to listen*
Matias "Pay attention when other people are talking to you!"
Cayene "He most likely wants to say something else, sir!"
Matias "......Fine, I guess it can't be helped...... Well, come on, what is it?"
*Gau hops to the bottom of the screen*
Gau "Here, here! Shiny-shiny thing here!"
Gau "Matias, place you come from, it called Mobriz!"
Gau "Cayene, place you come from, river brought you there where I found you!"
Gau "Now, we go, we go together! Go south, south to mountain, curved-moon mountain! Shiny-shiny thing there!"

Small translation flub here that Woolsey did worse. Gau is using himself, Matias, and Cayene as pseudo-landmarks to show them the relative position of the crescent mountain where his treasure is hidden.



Matias "Yeesh...... That kid's a real pain. I wonder how he ever convinced us to befriend him......?"
*Gau moonwaks back in*
Gau "Sir Sir! Come on! We leaving now!"
Matias "I thought I told you not to call me Sir Sir......!"
*Ker-chase!*



♪♪ Spinach Rag ♪♪

1. Select the command "Leap", which can only be used on the Beast Plains.
2. Continue fighting battles on the Beast Plains. He'll eventually re-appear, and re-join your group.
3. He will have memorized the monsters that he saw when he leaped and returned!
"Gau!" "Gau!"
4. Use the "Rage" command to imitate monsters that he's memorized the behaviors of.
"And now, please continue your game."
*Kappa trips and spites the ground that tripped him*

Well, that was a fun bit of fourth-wall-breaking. Back to the mail quest!

(Incidentally, Gau starts without any equipment. He's butt naked, apparently. Hates clothes, indeed.)

If only we had a Potion... ..."

Seriously? You can't afford a POTION? They're, like, 50 Gil. Go scrap a single monster ANYWHERE and voila, you can afford a Potion. Whatever.



Most expensive Potion ever. Amusingly, this doesn't deplete your stock of Potions at all.



Damn you, woman! I ground for 15 minutes (should've taken 2, but Gau kept wanting to jump on and do unspeakable things to various monsters), and all you give me is more co-dependent crap!?



The things I do for (other people's) love...



See this? THIS is why I hate the Beast Plains. This bastard is the one that ripped Lock a new one back during the South Figaro scenario. That said, it's no match for Sir Sir and his pet musclehead.



Oh for the love of...! Will you PLEASE let me dump her for you, injured soldier? She's so damn materialistic...



Alright alright, we'll mail the damn book. I feel sorry for that bird. Its airspeed velocity is going to be terrible. Send her a copy of Pride and Prejudice. Let's see if she catches on.



YOU'RE NOT WELCOME.

I want you to have this as a token of my gratitude. Please accept it."



OKAY, YOU ARE WELCOME. (Yes, the Tinnabar is called a Cat's Bell. Hey, I didn't name it that.)

Now then, FINALLY we can move on to the crescent-shaped mountain.



I certainly hope so.

Cayene "Uh, sir Gau, where exactly is this thing?"
Gau "Gau... forget!!"



My feelings exactly. This is gonna be a LOOOOONG update...

Matias "Shall we search for it, then?"
Cayene "I suppose that is unavoidable, sir."

Shiny-shiny, where are you? Are you over there?

Cayene "Th, this is Sir Gau's treasure?"
*Gau is shocked, SHOCKED at your accusations, sir!*



Guess not. Okay, how about over there?



*Gau is in Stealth Mode!*
Gau "Gau!"
*HOLY SHIT WILD BOY AHHH!*
Matias "Guh, there was 500 Gil in that pouch!"
*Gau thinks this is funny*
Matias "Gau, you...!"
Cayene "Oh, dear. Sir Matias, let us not worry about it, and just continue on."
Matias "Ugaaaaah!!"

Dude, you make 500 Gil in, like, .75 battles. Chill, man. Okay, one spot left to look, then.



VICTOLY!

Cayene "Is this... the shiny thing, sir?"
*Movin' in for a closer look*
Gau "Here, here!"
Cayene "It's a strange glass ball..."
Matias "It looks like it can be worn over the head."
*Matias figures it out*
Matias "Aha. Perhaps we can use this?"
*Cayene is clueless*
Matias "Maybe it'll let us breathe underwater if we wear it?"
Matias "C'mon, let's go."

Pretty sure that's not how diving helmets work... They tend to require, you know, an AIR SUPPLY. And one helmet per person would be good too.



Matias "No shit." {Hooray for gratuitous swearing!}
Matias "But if we don't follow the Serpent Trench, we won't be able to reach our friends..."



Oh noes, Gau might get wet!



Yeah, laugh it up, you jerks...



Alright, into the wild blue yonder! What is this, the third time Matias has been forced to ride the currents since he joined the Returners? Dude should demand to be paid by the nautical mile.



♪♪ Serpent Trench ♪♪

Location: Serpent Trench
Monsters: Diorbeda, Aspelaunce, Actanion

I just thought I'd note that they're all battling underwater with no breathing equipment or difficulty at all. It's like Final Fantasy X all over again, only it's 1994 instead of 2001.



Right + right = caves of goodies! And free healing via Cat's Bell, as Lucas noted.



♪♪ Kids Running Through the City Corner ♪♪

Passed out on the docks again. Man, Matias knows how to party.

Oh... Oh no... It's another TOWN! NPC dialogue, RUN!

Man "Do you have any imported goods, by chance?" {Does six metric tonnes of water in our clothes count?}
Boy "It's impossible to reach this place by land now. Unless you come by ship, you can't come at all. It makes trade kinda difficult... What can we do about it, though?"
Boy "You're probably surprised a kid like me is in the business of trade, huh? If you can afford it, please buy something from me!"
Woman "Come on now! We have to do business here. Move it or lose it."
Woman "It it true that the kingdom of Doma also fell into Imperial hands?"
Man "It looks like garbage, but..." {...it is.}
Old Woman "The road leading north along the seashore was blocked off by a landslide recently, so nobody can reach Nikea at this point by that route."
Old Woman "Have you heard about the man near the end of the Lethe River? His son vanished 13 years ago. He went mad during the delivery. Totally lost his mind when his wife died giving birth to the boy. He simply disposed of the poor baby on the Beast Plains. I wonder if that child is even alive today." {I'm sure you've sussed this one out by now. If not, you'll find out in about 20 parts.}
Bartender "The ships from the southern continent stopped coming quite a while ago. Tsen, Alburg, Maranda...... They're all in ruins, thanks to the Empire......"

Argh. At least this next bit makes up for the talktalktalktalktalkshutthehelluptalkingness.



Yes, I did screencap it all. I just wanted to. So nyah.



YES PLEASE.



Matias "I hope my older brother and the others made it there safely..."
Cayene "I wouldn't worry if I were you."
Gau "Gau..."

And with that riveting conclusion to that riveting ass-long plot chain, we finally reach... the end of the fork in the road.



Be here next time to find out what happens! You can hardly wait.

Not yet, anyway. By the time Kefka gets back to the capital, Sabin/Matias, Shadow, and Cyan/Cayene are gonna be pretty high on the "undesirables" list for delivering an unholy smackdown on him and his troops.

...Speaking of, where the hell DID Kefka go after he poisoned Doma? He just kinda vanishes from the Imperial camp after that. Perhaps answers lie in future updates.

Then again, maybe not; who knows? And that, as they say, is that.

I tend to think Kefka has problems focusing on anything for very long.

You know, being crazy and all.

....... how?

Seriously, the only body of water near Narshe is the lake where Terra and co got off their raft, is the ship sailing through the Lete River or something?

THIS JUST BREAKES THE PLOT WIDE OPEN!

I figure that the canyon bluffs in which Nar(s/c)he is nestled are tall enough to be visible from a distance, like in the "march in the snow" intro.

Say what you will about Ted Woolsey's translation, it's actually how I learned the word "veldt." Sorry about going off the topic of Narshe's visibility, but I wanted to point this out before it became even more irrelevant.

EDIT: Whoops...hope I haven't killed this thread with this weird little detour. :-P

The only topic here is FFVI.

Hopefully when you get to the village of thieves, I'll finally be able to get past it. I have no idea what to do there.

That place seems to trip a lot of people up. We'll be seeing why in an update or two.

Yeah, inserting a classic Sierra-style clock puzzle into an FF game was kind of a cruel joke on players who may not be used to that type of thinking in their games.

But that's totally optional! My problem with Zozo is always just getting lost. Lots of obstructed view paths and such.