A Tale of Two Scripts: Let's play FF3 US & FF6 RPGOne!

Of course, real men kill their undead trains with professional wrestling moves.

Phantom Train: I will let you go... but first there is something I must do...
[The PARTY, hanging out in a private room, proves nervous as the TRAIN comes to a stop at a platform.]
Cyan: Gulp... where are we?

Sabin: We shouldn't be here. Let's go NOW!

Cyan: No!!! Elayne! Owain!!
Sabin: Cyan! Is that your wife and child?
[The TRAIN blows its whistle.]
“Departing?!”




Shadow: Leave ‘em alone.

The screen fades to black after the party’s stood on the empty train platform for a few moments.

When everyone comes to, we find ourselves on the world map at the other end of the forested valley. This seems like a perfect time to leave Cyan alone for a while to grieve for the family he’s now lost twice in a day.

You may have noticed that Sabin’s scenario is taking a teeny bit longer than Terra or Locke’s scenarios. The reason for that is pretty simple: compared to them, Sabin’s adventure is freaking epic. Let’s compare.

In Terra’s scenario, we had a couple of fights along the Lete River, then fetched up on the edge of a lake. Our path on the world map was like so:

Terra, Edgar, and Bannon then went backwards through the first dungeon in the game, and they were done. Pfft, that’s nothing. Ten minutes of gameplay, eleven tops.

Most of the gameplay in Locke’s scenario took place in South Figaro, but even he both found a new party member and covered more land on the world map than Terra. (As long as you aren’t counting the Lete River, at least.)

He also had a repeat dungeon in his session, but this one is actually somewhat challenging, let us pick up some nice loot, and had a boss.

Both of those are nothing compared to Sabin’s scenario, though. So far he’s found two new party members (not counting ?????) and he’s already walked the length of a subcontinent.

That’s the crazy old man’s house at the top of the picture and the Phantom Forest nestled in the mountains at the bottom, and he’s not half done with his travels yet – he still has a fair ways south to go before he can finally find a way to get back north with everyone else. By the time he finds his friends again, Sabin will have found another party member and seen half the longitude of the world map and almost all the latitudes. Some of his travels will be more comfortable than the shank’s mare he’s been using so far, this is true, but most will be much, much worse. But we’ll see that next week, which will (hopefully) wrap up Sabin’s epic.

Thanks to VGMaps.com for hosting the map I cut up to make these images, and thanks to whoever it was who made the map. Sorry I couldn't be bothered to read your name!

Obligatory

MOTHERFUCKER SUPLEXED A TRAIN.


Credit goes to Brickroad and his fantabulous Dawn of Souls LP

You know what I would love to see? A YTMND of this move where Sabin says "I can't stop suplexin' trains!"

Dang, you know, as many times as I've played this game, I've never noticed the silhouette of the train back there.

Isn't there a specific trigger for Shadow leaving? I thought it was earning his "fee" in gil or something.

Nope...from what I've heard, he has, I think, a 1/16 chance of leaving in any random battle after Cyan joins, as long as you aren't on the Phantom Train.

...On an unrelated note, I kind of wonder why there's a switch to detach the last four cars + caboose of the Phantom Train in the first place.

Sabin's strong, but even he has his limits on what he can suplex.

- Eddie

Part VIII - Mystery Aboard the Excorcism Express

Here we go again...



Soldier "The enemy! Everybody, in position!"
Matias "!"

Eh, he's got this one. I'ma go off to see if I can't pummel Kefka into Kefka Chunks.



Fine, we'll go on to Doma, then.



Railroad me, will you? (Why do I get the feeling that's going to be a theme for this update?)



Matias "Ouchies... Shouldn't walk into the midst of a battle..."

Well that'll teach me to talk to someone who's fighting from the front. Let's try the side instead.



Cayene "A kind thought; my gratitude, sir!"



Yeah, that went about as well as you'd expect for the Imperials. Also, I hate not being able to control Cayene in these fights. He just alternates between Fang and regular attacks, when any sane player would keep using Fang.



You're kidding, right? Well fine, let's ride the plot railroad some more.



Cayene "Uaaaaa~!! They're rather strong, sir!!"

That's what we in the trade call "a lie".



YOU JUST GOT DOGGED, SON!



A guy in clown makeup with megalomania. No really!



Cayene "I agree, sir!"

Here we go again...



Matias "I haven't introduced myself yet. I'm Matias, from Figaro. We need to escape right now."
Cayene "But... The enemy killed my countrymen and family, sir..."
Matias "We can't stay here. We'll have to fight an entire battalion that way. If we dilly-dally here, the enemy's main force will find us..."



Oh snap.

Matias "Uh oh, we're spotted."
Matias "I have an idea. Come on, follow me!"

Where you think you're goin', Pajama Sam?

Matias "I'll explain the details later! Just hurry up and ride it, ride it!!!"
*ker-shove*
Cayene "Sir Matias! How do I move this damned thing, sir!?"
Matias "Oh, jeez. Look, it's simple, sir... Gah! Now I'm talking like you."
Matias "Listen, okay!? Use those levers near your hands! Hurry!"

Interesting that Matias knows how to operate Majick Armor. Maybe he picked up a manual on them at the Returners' base or something.



Man I botched that one. Should be saying "It's just going in circles!".

Matias "I know, I know. Don't worry, I have an idea."

It's never a good sign when Matias is your plan-maker.



You're about to regret your bravery, little man.



CAYENE SMASH!



No kidding. Or we could just go straight to Doma.



Goddamn railroading... "No, we can't go that way! Let's hurry to the other exit so we can go that way via a more convoluted route!"



Ahahahaha your ass is grass pal.



ProTip: Heal Force heals you!



ProTip: Thunder Beam kills enemies!



Dude, seriously?



I just feel embarrassed for you guys now. Doubly so since it was a two-side attack at my advantage.



Cayene "Narche, sir? We can excape through the woods south of here, sir, but..."
Matias "Right! We'll figure it out when we get there, no reason to worry now. Let's go!"

Finally out of THAT plot railroad. Onwards to Doma!

Or not. Okay, to the forests!



That does not bode well for much of anything.

Location: Forest of Illusion
Enemies: Ghost, Poplium



Ahh, much appreciated. Anyway, believe it or not, this place is a maze. It's the easiest maze ever, but it is technically a maze. The solution is: right and up to healing spring, right and down to next screen, right and up to next screen, right and up to train.



So damn easy. There's exactly one wrong turn you can make and it just takes you back to the entrance.



Matias "This one obviously survived. Let's check it out."

That is a horrible idea and you are a horrible person for suggesting it.



Cayene "Sir Matias!"
Matias "No reason to loiter outside, it's pointless. Let's just see what it's like inside."
Cayene "Sir Matias!"
Matias "Don't worry."
Cayene "Sir Matias!"

You're not helping my sense of forboding at all here, Matias. Also, Cayene seems to be stuck on repeat here.



I told you this was a bad idea. We're leaving, now.



Was that a train whistle? OH GODDAMN YOU MATIAS!



Cayene "We need to get off right now!"

I concur. One railroading is enough for this adenture, I don't need a literal one on top of that!



Ah crapcakes.

Cayene "We're too late, sir."
Matias "What is this train?"
Cayene "This is the Spirit Train. It ferries dead people to the world of the spirits."
Matias "...Hold on. I'm not ready to go to the world of the dead! Can't we stop this thing?"
Cayene "If we don't get off soon, we will arrive in the land of the dead."
Matias "There are still things I have to do in the land of the living! We have to stop this train, before it takes us too far into the realm of the dead. Let's head for the engine room!"

Location: Phantom Train
Enemies: Ghost, Angel Whisper, Bomb, Cloud, Oversoul, Living Dead



Cayene "It seems to want to go with us. Shall we let it, sir?"
(Let it come along)
(Don't let it come along)

Sure, why not? The more the miserable.



"Hmm, what to ask?"
(About the Spirit Train)
(How to stop the train)
(We have no business)

Okay, we'll ask 'em all! Tell us about the train, conductor-man!

Conductor "Those who ride the Spirit Train can find their eternal rest once it reaches the spirit world."

So it's a Soul Train, in other words? Funky.



Thanks for the tip. I guess there is a way to get off this train before it reaches the end of the line, then?



Matias "Lemme see... What, isn't it just a blank paper?"
Conductor "The Spirit Train ferries the dead to the world of spirits. It travels beyond the present, so a timetable is impossible to make."

Slight botching on my behalf. The conductor's explanation actually points out that, with all the strife in modern times, a timetable is impossible to make.



Cayene "Sir Matias! It is best not to tamper with it, sir."

Oh, like THAT'S gonna stop our resident 10-year-old in a 25-year-old's body.



Cayene "W, What!?"

Cayene is appalled that you'd hit that. Go figure.



Matias "......, Cayene. Are you afraid or something?"
Cayene "L, Listen to me! We shouldn't just go pressing switches and activating machines, who knows what these machines might do, it's not polite anyway, sir. Okay?"
Matias "Cayene... You don't know the first thing about machines."
Cayene "Uh! H, how did you know that, sir!?"

Wah-wah-wah-wah wah-WAH! (wah) Okay, onwards and leftwards!



This is what happens if you try to recruit another roving spirit, by the way. Curse you, four-party limit! I wanted to storm the train with an army of ghosts!



Whee! Interestingly enough, whether a spirit is friendly, attack-happy, or a shopkeep is determined at random when you talk to them. First time I went through this area, this guy attacked me. I got lucky this time, and can now restock my dwindling potion supply. He even sells previously shop-excluded high potions! (250 HP doesn't count for much later, but it sure does when your party's highest HP is 325.)



Ahaha who do you think you're fooling?



See, even Matias thinks it's funny!



"Huh?"
...No...es...cape...
"That voice, where is it coming from?"
"I can hear it coming from over here!"

Oh, are you gonna throw another one at me? Bring it, ghost boy!



Eh, I can take six of you easily.

"Gah! They're following us."
...No...es...cape...
"Over here, too!"



Okay, that... might be a bit too many.



GUYS! ENOUGH! Seriously, this is getting crazy.



Yes they are.

Matias "Alright!"
Cayene "Do you have an idea?"
Matias "Okay! Now it's time to show the results of my training! Hold tight, Cayene!"
*long step back*
Matias "Woooooah!"



Train-diving woo!



Oops.



Most people just move straight forward here. I decided to get a good look at the car we skipped, and it's actually quite unique for this train. Sadly, it can never be explored. Anyway!

No...es...cape...
"Hey...""Don't tell me..."



They just don't know when to quit!

"Persistent little bastards!"
"We need to detatch the rear cars."

Ah, no. No you do not. That would condemn everyone in those cars to an eternity in limbo. Are you really that insensitive, Matias?



Goddamn it, Matias.



"They can't follow us any longer."

I hope you're proud of yourself. You heartless monster.



Somehow the derailment switch exclusive to that car now opens up the way into said car. So the only way for passengers to get to the front of the train is to send everyone in the rear cars into purgatory? That is some seriously fucked up design right there. Or, being ghosts, they could just, you know, pass through the wall...



AHH NO NOT MORE!



Fun Fact: You can only encounter Living Dead and Oversouls on this new section of the train!

Aren't we the pushy waiter type. Fine.



Matias needs food badly!



Matias "Are you worried? Come on, eat up. You can't expect to keep going on an empty stomach!"
Cayene "Hmm... Sir, that is quite a weak excuse! It's completely--"



No stopping Matias.

Status ailments, such as Poison, are cured; HP and MP are recovered!!

Why thank you game!



Ahahaha, nothing concerns Matias.



Waiter "One moment, please..."



Aww. The deadly killing machine of an assassin cares about his pooch. How sweet.



Finders keepers!



Oh dear, someone doesn't like us invading these posh compartments.



Siegfried "So, old man and musclehead, go on, get lost!"

Um... Uh... I think... maybe there was something lost in translation... with this guy's dialogue. Yeah, we'll go with that. Aheheh...



Siegfried "What!? You stupid muscleman! Taste Mr. Me's blade, bastards!"

He thinks so much of himself that he calls himself Mr. Me, I guess? Yeah, Siegfried has a huge freaking ego in the Japanese script, constantly referring to himself as "watashi-san" if I remember right.



Uwahahaha~!!



You were saying?



Indeed.

Siegfried "D, damn! But-! This thing still belongs to Mr. Me!"
*ker-snatch*
Siegfried "Fwahahahahaha. Now Mr. Me has the treasure box! Adios amigos!"

That gratuitous Spanish was also in the Japanese script. Except I think he actually said "Adieu amigos", further cementing the fact that Siegfried is completely and utterly batshit.

What? But... you... I... detach... still in... how... what... why...



Oh snap!



Apparition is a mean son of a bitch. It's time to use my ace in the hole, our little ghost buddy's Possess skill.



Hooray for instakills!



Alright, here we are!



"In order to stop the engine, you need to turn off the number one and three pressure switches, and press the switch on the smokestack outside."

Simple enough. Tally ho!



Home free!



Oh crap the train is alive run run run!



How can we ever stand a chance against a beast this powerful AAAAAAH!



Huh. Well that was an anticlimactic boss fight. Swords and knives? Don't bother! Just chuck some feathers at it from the item shop!



Oh boy... Well, at least we're gettin' offa this train.

Man, I TOLD you to count the stops, Cayene! We're supposed to get off at Swampbottom, sixth stop, remember?



Yes, it was a long-arse ride.



Matias' psychic senses are coming along nicely!



Oh snap, more dead people!



Oh double snap, familiar dead people!

Matias "Cayene! Is that your wife and son!?"
*ker-whistle*
"It's departing!?"



Never get between a man and his train, Matias!



I don't think it's going to do that, Cayene.



Aww, one last reunion before the afterlife.



But I like pestering chronically depressed samurai! It's kinda a hobby.



Wow, life of the party. Cheer up! It's like happy festival fireworks, ya? BOOM, hahahaha!



Alright, that's two-thirds of this long-ass ass-long journey down! Join us next time as we finish the trek!

Interesting you should say that, considering my first encounter on the train...



You seem to be right about the Oversouls, though.

Also, we haven't been posting background music, but the Phantom Train music is one of my all time favorites.

Well I did say "and", technically. :P But yeah, you can sometimes fight Living Dead (or StillGoing, if you prefer) on the first part of the train. They're a rare encounter on that side, though. And we really should share more of the game's music from now on, huh?

Sky Render. You have committed a heinous crime.

YOU. DIDN'T. SUPLEX. THE. TRAIN.

The sentence is death.

Sure I did. I just didn't showcase it since Lucas already had. Come on, who the hell goes up against the train and DOESN'T suplex it? It's just tradition.

It's worth mentioning that the simple sound of the train pulling away, the silence that follows, Cyan's downcast pose and fade-to-black at the end of that scenario is one of the most effective bits of video game narrative I've ever seen. It's up there with the bit in Dragon Quest 5 where you are stuck as a statue.

FMVs and voice acting be damned, I still prefer my pixel pantomimes.

I remember this particular screen, among lots of pretty scenery in the game, really blowing me away when it first came out. This is not a map the looks like it's made out of tiles!


It's kind of silly, but I'll always have rose-tinted nostalgia for the punctuation here.


!!! ...and there's one more thing I've never seen before.


Yeah, I guessed before you confirmed it that he must have been using some ridiculous reflexive honorific here. I know you already disowned your version... maybe something like "my glorious self" would've worked.

I'm not sure anyone who's ever drawn the train suplex understands how a suplex works.

To be fair, neither did the FF3 animators.

Nothing in FFVI is pantomime. Hell, the FFVII, VIII, and IX FMVs were more pantomime than anything in FFVI.

Suplexing the engine of a train of dead souls, and it's the wrestling form you form you find questionable?

If I could art, I would draw this so hard.

My personal theory isn't so much that the ghost is a conscientious objector as that the Phantom Train's power actually prevents him from going beyond that point, even though he wants to help you.

Huh, from the sounds of it, I would've guessed "Yo-sama" or something as obscenely arrogant. But Mr. Me sounds awesome

Watashi-san is obscenely arrogant. Yo may be slightly more arrogant than watashi, but it's probably similar to the thing with Cyan, where he's trying to sound overly formal and arrogant at the same time.

Edit: You know what would be better? Chin-sama.