A Tale of Two Scripts: Let's play FF3 US & FF6 RPGOne!

“Ain’t no easy way to make the Imperial lands...!”
Hey, guys in Jidoor saying something different! I guess picking up those magic corpse rocks did help. Of course, these guys aren’t actually telling us anything helpful, but it’s a start.

Up at the north end of town, in Owzer’s house, we run into this fellow:

IMPRESARIO: Sorry... my mistake. Wow, you could pass for Maria in a heartbeat! Hoo boy, now I really am in trouble...
[The IMPRESARIO walks out with no more explanation. The PARTY members look at each other.]
“Celes looks just like Maria...?”


“That PERSON dropped it off.”
[The man upstairs leaves his loft.]
MASTER: He’s the director of the operas here. Everyone just calls him “Impresario.” He’s been in a tizzy ever since that letter arrived.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LETTER My Dear Maria, I want you for my wife. I’m coming for you... The Wandering Gambler

That’s not made extra creepy by its brevity or anything. Not at all.
Locke: Who’s this “Wandering...”? what’s-his-name?
MASTER: You born on a farm, son?


MASTER: That’s Awsome, owner of the world’s only airship.
Celes: If we could get that airship, we’d make the Empire in no time.
Locke: Let’s set up a meeting... with Awsome...
Ok, ok, I actually left his name as the more well-known "Setzer".

And with that we head south to the Opera House we visited for all of four seconds last week.

Locke: I read that letter. Setzer’s coming to steal her...
IMPRESARIO: He’ll probably appear right at the climax of Scene 1. He loves an entrance...
Locke: Right! If we could only grab him then...!
IMPRESARIO [steps away]: Dear me, NO! You’ll ruin the performance! I’ll lose my job!
Celes [following the IMPRESARIO] Then you’re history!
IMPRESARIO: This is simply horrid! I want the performance to be a success! But I don’t want Maria to be abducted...! [He the stairs to the dressing room.]
(As any first year drama teacher will tell you, the show must go on, even if someone’s promised to kidnap your lead actress. All you can do is hope the kidnapping is done in character.)
Locke: We’ll let him grab her...


Locke: We’ll use Celes as a decoy. After she’s abducted, I’ll follow’em right to his airship!
IMPRESARIO: Are you mad?!! If something should happen to Maria...
[The IMPRESARIO stomps toward the dressing room. LOCKE runs in front of him to hold him back.]


IMPRESARIO: Come again?
Locke: You said SHE looks likes Maria, right?
Celes: Now just a minute...
Locke: Celes will be our Maria! She’ll lead us to the airship!
IMPRESARIO: Brilliant!


[CELES rushes past the IMPRESARIO and LOCKE, running into the dressing room door and knocking herself flat. She gets up and runs through the door.]


“Maa... rii aaaa”


Locke: Not bad, Celes!


[ULTROS flicks a letter to the top of the stairs.]
Locke: Let’s get ready! Celes, it’s show time!
[The PARTY follows Celes into the dressing room.]
ULTROS [addressing the player]: D’haaaaa! Come on! Read it...!

Oyez, oyez, oyez - the next showing of the long-running Opera House favorite “Maria and Draco” will begin in five minutes. Please take your seats.

♪Overture and Aria de Mezzo Carattere♪
As you might expect of an opera, this scene isn’t content with just one song and actually has five musical tracks, the first four of which are unique (but referenced in the ending song) and the first two of which are included in the above link.


(Yes, that’s the Impresario sitting with the party in the balcony and providing narration on stage.)
IMPRESARIO: Draco, the West’s great hero, thinks of his love, Maria. Is she safe? Is she waiting?


[Back in the balcony, LOCKE gets out of his seat.]
Locke: I’m going to the dressing room.
IMPRESARIO: Is everything okay?
Edgar: Go right ahead.
Sabin: Uh? Why’s everyone singing?


Locke: Aye yai yai! Izzat... you!?
Celes: Locke. Why did you help me escape back there?
Locke: I...once abandoned someone when she needed me...
Celes: Somewhere inside you were saving... her, weren’t you...?
Locke: That ribbon suits you.
Celes: On with the show! This is a big scene in which Maria senses that something’s happened to Draco!
Locke [blocking the door out with his body]: You’d better check the score one last time.

The score contains the lyrics for the song we’ll be singing, along with a couple stage directions and an exhortation to hurry during the primitive quick time event coming up. Get a line wrong, mess up the stage directions too badly, or wait too long to do something in the scene ahead and you’ll be booted out of the Opera House and forced to beg for another chance to pull off the scheme. The stage directions aren’t hard, but having to remember the lines and say them quickly enough is almost as hard for me to do as it is in a real play. I love this scene, but playing it with my lacking short term memory practically gives me stage fright.

(Also notice how Celes spells out Locke’s white knight complex, something it took me the better part of a decade to realize for myself. I are observant.)


Welp, ready as we’ll ever be. The aria begins now.

“Prince Ralse, of the East, took her hand by force. But she never stopped yearning for Draco...


♫ Love goes away,
Like night into day.


♫ I’m the darkness,
You’re the stars.
Our love is brighter than the sun.
♫ For eternity,
For me there can be,


♫ Must I forget you?
Our solemn promise?
Will autumn take the place of spring?
♫ What shall I do?
I’m lost without you.
Speak to me once more! ♫



[DRACO glows and is replaced by a bouquet of flowers. MARIA picks up the bouquet and climbs to the balcony.]


♫ Ere I walk away,
Let me hear you say.
I meant as much to you... ♫
♫ So gently,
you touched my heart.
I will be forever yours.
♫ Come what may,
I won’t age a day,
I’ll wait for you, always... ♫
[A star falls from the sky as MARIA watches. The CHANCELLOR walks up behind her.]


CHANCELLOR: Leave the past behind! Our kingdom is adopting the spirit of the East...!
[The CHANCELLOR leaves. MARIA gazes at the sky for a moment longer, then follows.]

♪ Wedding and Grand Finale? ♪

[LOCKE starts to leave the dressing room, but notices a letter lying on the floor.]


Locke: Uh oh... Better tell the Impresario! [He hurries back to the balcony where the IMPRESARIO and the TWINS are still watching the opera.]
IMPRESARIO: What!!!?
[Cut back to the stage.]


[A SOLDIER in purple runs on stage.]
“Attack!!”
[The NOBLES dive for cover as East and West SOLDIERS run on stage and start fighting. A voice yells from off stage:]
“Wait!!”


[DRACO runs down RALSE with his chocobo, dismounts, and begins singing as the chocobo and the East SOLDIERS exit the stage.]
MARIA: ♫ Draco,
I’ve waited so long.
I knew you’d come. ♫
RALSE: ♫ Maria will finally
Have to become my queen! ♫
DRACO: ♫ For the rest of my life
I’ll keep you near... ♫
RALSE: It’s a duel! ♫
[Cut back to the balcony.]
IMPRESARIO: But how might he disrupt the opera? ...With that?!


ULTROS: N’ghaaa! This is heavier than I thought! It’ll take me 5 minutes to drop it!
Locke: We haven’t a second to lose!
IMPRESARIO: Talk to the man in the room to the far right! He’ll help you get up there!
Locke: It’s as good as done!

And with that we’ve got ourselves a timed segment. Five minutes is pretty generous considering how close our two objectives are, and without even any random encounters on the way. First, while I’m thinking of it, a little party chicanery:

We get a side attack on Ultros once we get to him, and this setup allows for maximum protection and getting back attacks on him. (I’m not sure how I got a shot of the transition between menus.) We do that, equip Sprint Shoes to save a little bit of time, and head out.


There are four switches on the wall behind the stage master, with the one you need to hit helpfully segregated from the others. The others make a barking noise, turn off the lights over the stage, and drop you onto the stage. I’m already pressed for time from mistakenly thinking there might be easter eggs to show off in other parts of the Opera House during this sequence, however, and can’t spend the time to show them off now. =(

STAGE MASTER: Enter the room to the far left of the stage, then make for the framework above the stage.


Now that it’s unlocked, we head through this door on the left of the stage. In the rafters are a bunch of rats that initiate a battle if you run into them; you can theoretically avoid them all on your way to Ultros, but it’s harder and potentially takes more time than fighting them as long as you have reliable crowd control moves (like, say, Fire Dance, Flash, and AutoCrossbow). Also, if you’re the masochistic 100 percent type, you need to fight these guys now to make them show up on the Veldt to get their Rages; they don’t appear anywhere else in the game.



The four of us plummet to the stage below, OHKO-ing Draco and Prince Ralse (and Edgar slides about half the length of the stage on his nose. Ouch).

While the audience murmurs in trepidation at this disturbance, Locke struggles to his feet and... pulls some lines out of his ass. At least he’s making an honest effort to salvage the show and get Celes kidnapped.
Locke: I, Locke, the world’s premier adventurer, will save her!
IMPRESARIO: Aya... What awful acting!
ULTROS: Silence! You are in the presence of octopus royalty! A lowborn thug like you could never defeat me!
IMPRESARIO: Hmm... Might as well make the most of this. MUSIC!!
[The orchestra begins playing “Grand Finale?”.]


“You’ve changed! Did ya miss me?”

The secret to this boss is to beat him quickly. That helps against every boss, but this one actually has timed elements to it. This Ultros only has 2550 HP, which I believe is less than the first time you fight him. However, he changes position after taking two turns and each of the four positions he can take is a different Ultros with its own HP bar, only one of which has to be killed. Really pile on the damage and you can win before he moves once, but go slowly, maybe have some bad luck with your damage variance, and you can deal over ten thousand damage to him without winning.

Considering Ultros still has his attacks from last time and has added the ability to confuse half your party or turn them into imps once a minute, plus picked up the Mega Volt, Fire, and Drain spells, you are not likely to win a battle of attrition. There’s only one thing for this party to really worry about, though:


Ultros uses this Water + Poison element ability to counterattack Blitzes and SwdTechs. It also adds the Seizure status to its target (which is similar to Poison, you’ll recall) but since we’re trying to beat this guy as quickly as possible – trying to blitz him, if you will – we care more about Fire Dance’s cool thousand damage than Acid Rain’s damage over time abilities.

In addition to Fire, Ultros is weak to Lightning attacks if you have any. I didn’t take the hours to return to the Veldt and get Gau any Rages with Lightning attacks though, so we’re out of luck at this point and Fire Dance is my best damage dealer at this point. I’ll just have to eat the Acid Rains. (Actually, if Sabin weren’t in the back row a punch to Ultros’ back with the Fire Claw would do more damage, but oh well.) Two Dances plus a Drill to the back of the head and Locke’s piddly Capture damage (Ultros had nothing to steal this time) just manage to stop Ultros before he can move.



Oh good, that reward makes me feel like I just beat up the Emperor Norton of Jidoor. I bet those two coins I got even have Ultros’ head on them.

As Locke laughs about running off that homeless, penniless shell of a monster, a voice cries out from nowhere:

♪ Setzer ♪


IMPRESARIO: Setzer!
Setzer: I’m a man of my word, music man!


IMPRESARIO: What a reversal! Thinking she’s Locke’s new queen, Maria is instead nabbed by Setzer! What fate lies in store for her? Stay tuned for Part 2!

Fin.

Of course, the part that really impresses me is that Setzer got the orchestra to play his theme song when he appeared. Even his victims appreciate what a smooth operator he is!


On board the airship, Setzer oh-so-smoothly throws Celes to the floor in a spare cabin and promises to return quickly to speak about the upcoming forced marriage, but first he needs to leave her alone for a minute for unspecified reasons.


Celes checks the door, gives the player a saucy wink after confirming she’s really alone, and helps her boys up through the convenient hole in the floor that leads to the churning mechanical innards of the airship.
Locke: But this is the tough one! Part 2 begins now! ... Where’s Setzer?
Celes: He’s coming.
[SETZER enters.]
Setzer: W...who’re YOU? You’re not Maria!
Celes: Setzer, we need your help. We have to go to Vector. We need this ship to get there.
Setzer [turns away in a huff]: Look, if you’re not Maria, I don’t want you aboard. [He starts to stalk out.] (Never mind that Celes looks and sounds enough like Maria to have fooled him to this point, Setzer accepts only name-brand kidnap victims, not impostors.)
Celes: Wait! We were told your ship is the finest vessel in the world.
Locke: And that you were the world’s most notorious gambler...
Edgar: I’m the King of Figaro. If you cooperate, you’ll be well rewarded...
Setzer [turns toward CELES]: Come here.
Celes [steps forward]: Yeah...
Setzer [turns away again]: Don’t misunderstand me. I’m still not sure if I’m going to help you.
[Cut to the main floor of the airship.]


Celes: Stop thinking of yourself. Many towns and villages have been smashed by the Empire.
Locke: The Empire’s also totally rotten! It’s using magic to enslave the world.
Edgar: The Empire and my realm were allies... until recently.
Sabin: The Empire’ll end up owning you!
Setzer [bows his head]: The Empire ...evil...?
Celes: We all hate the Empire for the same reasons. That’s why...
Setzer: You know... you’re even more stunning than Maria.
Celes: ????
Setzer: Enough! If you... If Celes becomes my wife, I’ll help. Otherwise...
Locke: WHAT! Are you stupid!?
Celes: We haven’t any choice.
Setzer: Yes! It’s settled!
Celes: But I have conditions...


Celes: We’ll decide with a coin toss. If it’s heads, you’ll help us. If it’s tails, I’ll go with you. Well, Mr. Gambler...?
Setzer: Oho! Fine! I accept!
Locke: Listen to yourself! Celes... you can’t become his wife! You just can’t!
Celes: Ready?



How could this possibly turn out...!?

[SETZER picks up the coin and examines it.]
Setzer: How... unusual! A coin with identical sides...!
Sabin: That coin...!? BIG BROTHER!!! Don’t tell me...!
Celes: I think you’ve been hustled, Mr. Gambler.
Setzer: Ha! How low can you get?! I love it! All right, I’ll help you. Nothing to lose but my life... [He flicks the coin back to Celes.]


Setzer: When things fall, they fall! It’s all a matter of fate...
Locke: This ship’s going to stick out like a sore thumb. Better land some distance away.
Setzer: Right. I’ll wait on board in case of an emergency.

With that, our course is set. Setzer flies us low and slow to the Southern Continent.










Those shots were taken at intervals of roughly three seconds, if you want an idea of our speed. Once we have control, we’ll be circumnavigating the map twice over in the same time.


Setzer puts us down on the outskirts of an Australian Southern Continent town, but we head back into the airship to get some refreshments to speed our recovery from the Ultros battle and take a break for a while. Say, a week or so.

The scene where you fly to Vector is breathtaking.

I remember playing the Opera scene once on my mom's TV, and her wanting me to save and stop so she could go to bed.

...right as the event starts.

You could feel her getting angry when that flight to Vector delayed things even more.

My big opera memory was the very first time I played it - at the very start, right when Draco gets up and starts singing. Since the first word is "Oh", for one fleeting second I thought, "Oh my God - did they just digitize an entire opera into an SNES cartridge? This is the best game ever!"

Then the second synthesized note came in and I was immediately embarrassed in thinking that Square had somehow done the impossible. Over the next few replays, this opinion then changed to "I can't believe I thought that," and then after playing the GBA version changed to, "Wow, a couple of years later this would've all been an unskippable FMV. Granted, it's not unskippable here either, but..."

If it eases your embarrassment, I went through the same thing.

Part XII - The Airship Captain of the Opera

Squenix finally gave up on keeping me away from the LP this week and didn't release anything on PSN, so now I can update in peace. Huzzah! First up on the list of things to do is to take a look at our newly acquired Espers Phantom Beasts Eidolons.

(Today's update windows will be in Somber Stone, in memory of those brave Eidolons that turned into magic rocks so our party could break the difficulty curve.)

Ramah

Ramah (or as most players know him, Ramuh) is a series mainstay and has been since Final Fantasy III (as in the "real" one that got a DS remake a few years back). He's also been called Indra in FF2US, which is vaguely fitting since he resembles the Hindu deity Indra more than Rama. This old dude has had more plot involvement in the series than almost any other character save one of his two elemental counterparts, a dragon, and a certain Norse god, but we'll get into that lot later.



His attack is Lightning of Judgment, which does about as much damage as Thundara in this FF. For the MP price, that's pretty steep, but it's a bargain damage-wise early on.

Spells Taught
Thunder x10
Thundara x2
Poison x5

Level-Up Bonus: Vitality +1

Overall, Ramah is not the most impressive magic instructor. But he is the only way you can teach anyone Poison, meaning perfectionists are gonna hook everyone up with him at least once.

Siren

This saucy mythological terror is decidedly underwhelming in most of the Final Fantasy games she shows up in. FF6 marks the first time that Siren was a summonable creature, however. Unfortunately, she didn't get around to actually causing damage until FF8.



She plays her seductive song with Lunatic Voice, which causes Silence status on all enemies. Also note the lack of censorship in the Japanese version. Bare that butt proudly, Siren!

Spells Taught
Sleeper x10
Silence x8
Slow x7
Fire x6

Level-Up Bonus: HP +10%

Most of Siren's taught magic is limited in usefulness, but the fast overall learning rate and the presence of the Slow and Fire spells on her dossier make her a good pick early on.

Cait Sith

No, it wasn't a coincidence that FF6's "Stray" summon looks exactly like the little cat riding on a giant Moglie in FF7. This was the little Irish folklore kitty's FF debut. Unfortunately, much like Siren, he's not that useful.



Cat Rain causes Confusion status on all enemies, and basically is an MP-sucking version of the Blast Voice tool. Meaning you'll probably cast it once and then never again.

Spells Taught
Confuse x7
Kappa x5
Levitate x2

Level-Up Bonus: Magic +1

Much like the summon itself, Cait Sith's lessons aren't much use. Kappa is situationally handy (as shown in the Dadaluma fight), but few bosses here on out are weak to it. Of course Confuse is generally useless, and Levitate, while nifty, doesn't really come in handy until you actually encounter enemies that can use earth-elemental magic. That'll be a while, rest assured.

Kirin

And finishing up our opening quadrio is Kirin, or Qilin if you prefer. No, he's not named after a brand of beer; sorry to disappoint. Based off of a Chinese mythological creature, Kirin is not as useful as he could be, but still handy in a pinch.



His move, Holy Brighten, causes everyone to get Regenerate status. This would be awesome in later FFs where Regenerate was based on timer ticks, but FF6's version heals lump sums of HP at fixed intervals instead. Boo!

Spells Taught
Cure x5
Curera x1
Regene x3
Poisona x4
Libra x5

Level-Up Bonus: None

Pretty much a must-equip early on, since he teaches Cure. Kirin quickly gets outdated, but once more will always be equipped by everyone on a perfectionist's file since he's the only one who teaches Libra.


Okay, that's enough summony goodness, let's go back to Jidoor.



Well, maybe you could ride an airship there?"

Good idea! So our plan is 1.) ??? 2.) Get airship 3.) Profit! Well at least step 2 is the known element for a change... Maybe that snoot Owzer can help.

Oh yes, some lady in town also has new dialouge. "Nowadays, nobody ever goes to the Imperial continent, seeing as it's so difficult." Thanks for the moral support, lady.



Oh boy, I sense zaniness to ensue in 3, 2, 1...

*Gau is SHOCKED at this accusation and walks above Dancho*
*Party walks out of Gau*
Celes "A, are you referring to me?" {I certainly HOPE so. This party's a sausagefest without you.}
*Dancho takes a step down*
Dancho "Sorry, case of mistaken identity. You bear a startling resemblance to my theater's lead actress. Oh, dear..."
*Dancho walks off*
*Everyone looks at Celes*
"Celes looks like Maria......?"
*Celes blinks, then flips off the player* {HEY!}
*Everyone regroups*



Ah Gau, impersonating Celes now? Anyway, I think that dude dropped something.



He did!

*Owzer walks down*
Master "He's the head of the Opera Theater. Everybody around here just calls him Dancho. He's been going nuts ever since that letter arrived..."
*Gau grabs the letter, everyone fans out of Gau, and Lock reads it*
"Dearest Maria. Soon I shall make you my bride.
The Wandering Gambler"
*Lock steps forward*
Lock "Who is this? Who is this 'wandering' whosit?"
"Don't you know?"

Fill us in, Owzer!



♪♪ Setzer's Theme ♪♪

Ohhh, so he's an airship pilot. Convenient! And a gambling man? Calooh callay! His name's Setzer, and his life is gonna be a chip in our pile pretty soon! Ante up!



*Lock gets pondering*
Celes "If we can get his help, we can reach the Empire by air using his flying ship."
Lock "Let's set up a meeting with this... ...Setzer..."

DUN DUN DUN! Okay, it's not really dramatic, but Setzer's theme is awesome. So, to the Opera Theater!



On the way we'll pick up a few spells, of course. Can't hurt to have magic, right? We're responsible casters, we're not gonna cause the Great Magic War again! Honest!

♪♪ Spinach Rag ♪♪

This should be interesting...

*Dancho walks into the theater, and the party follows*
Lock "I read the letter. "Setzer is coming here to steal her, right?" {Wow, more typographical errors? Well, at least I made fewer of them than the Xenogears translation team, right?}
Dancho "He'll probably arrive right at the end of the first act. Setzer always did like flashy entrances. Hmm......"
*Dancho starts to walk off, and Lock follows him*
Lock "Okay! So if we catch him then..."
*Dancho is apalled and hops a few times before he mops his brow*
Dancho "We can't! If we ruin the performance, the theater will be doomed!"
*Everyone walks closer, and Celes gives Dancho a backhand slap to the head*
Celes "Oh, bloody hell!" {Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's not what she said in the Japanese script, actually.}
Dancho "I've been worrying about it all day! I want the show to be a success, but I don't want Maria to be abducted...... Urgh..."
*Dancho mops his brow 3 times, then runs off; Celes is shocked, and the party follows*
Lock "Well then, we'll just let him kidnap her."
*Dancho is confused*
*Lock gives Celes a once-over, then goes all finger-waggle*
Lock "We'll use a decoy. Setzer will kidnap a fake actress instead. Then, we can all sneak onto his airship."
*Silent crickets*
*Lock looks at Celes, who just blinks*
*Dancho is ENRAGED and jumps like crazy*
Dancho "Madness! Madness! If Maria should be harmed..."



POW! Right in the kisser! That'll teach you to run from Lock!

Dancho "Huh?"
*Lock wags his finger again*
Lock "Didn't you say she looks like Maria?"
*Dancho looks at Celes, who is shocked*
Celes "Huh? ......Me?"
*Lock nods*
Lock "We'll have Celes pose as Maria, and purposely get abducted aboard the airship."
*Dancho hops with joy!*
Dancho "Excellent idea!"
*Celes is totally freaking out!*
Celes "H, hold on! I'm an Imperial General. I can't just take on the part of another person without any training!"
*Celes bum-rushes Dancho and Lock and slams into the dressing room door! (Ow.)*
*Celes gets up, blinks, and hides in the dressing room*
*Lock listens at the door*
Ah... Ah... Lalala la... A hem! Maa rii aaa...
*Lock laughs*
Lock "Hey, not bad, Celes!"
*Pan left to see... purple octopus behind the curtains! Who steps out, Octodad-style!*
Orthros "Fuahahaha. I'll pose as Setzer, and get my revenge for what they did before." {Wow, he really is aping Octodad's style here!}
*Orthros hides and tosses a note to the lower level... somehow*
Lock "We need to get ready at once! Celes has to look the part of a famous actress, too!"
*Dancho and party go into the dressing room; I hope Celes wasn't changing at the time!*
*Orthros comes out of hiding and hops in anger!*
Orthros "D'oh! Come on, read it!!"

Antics are afoot, folks!



♪♪ Overture ~ The Dream ♪♪

Oh boy, this one calls for all screenshots, so bear with me.



Yeah, I got a bit pretentious. So sue me.



Bow-chicka-bow-bow.

Dancho "Is everything alright?"
Edgar "Go ahead."
Gau "Gau!"

It's nice to know that my party is so talkative.



Aww, someone's gettin' all hot and bothered...

Celes "Lock. Why did you help me out in the first place?"
Lock "I once lost somebody dear to me, when I wasn't there to protect her. I'm sorry." {This is potentially not redundant information if you didn't explore Corlingen thoroughly with Lock in the party earlier.}
*Celes looks at Lock, who blocks the way out to the front*
Celes "You were making it up to her by saving... me?"
*Awkward silence*
Lock "...That ribbon suits you."
*Celes no doubt sighs*
Celes "I have to go on stage soon. Maria, who is anxious about the safety of her love Draku, sings her thoughts out to the world. It's an important scene."

Can Celes do drama?



Screw that noise! Real women do opera improv-style!



♪♪ Aria di Mezzo Carattere ♪♪

Celes totally has this one nailed, it's... um... Oh crap, what was it?



Damn it, Celes!

Well at least it's not a total wash. Let's try that again, shall we?

Dancho "Alright, let's do our best."



Jeez, you mess up one little line, and everyone harps on you for the rest of your life, I swear.



Ah, no, I don't think that's how it goes, Celes. I think you should



Damn it, Celes!



I'm not holding out hope.



That's definitely not the right one, Celes. Pick the other one.



Damn it, Celes!



You've given them 3 more chances than they deserve, rest assured.



Ooh, he sparkles like one of those Twilight vampires.

...Um, Celes?

...I think you're supposed to go talk to him.

...Celes?



DAMN IT, CELES!



Well, what did you expect? She didn't have any experience and didn't read the script at all! Game all over and thank you for players!

...Okay, we'll use Chihpkapaut and rewind time so we can get past this part, but just this once!

They "dance" for a bit...



And he turns into flowers. I don't get it either.



Fun Fact: the first time I played this I didn't realize you can walk right here! I thought the game was glitching out somehow!



How dramatic! Let's finish this, shall we?



Woo, we have opera!



♪♪ The Wedding ♪♪

Amusing little note: Celes is dancing on the "man's" side, ie. she's leading. You go, girl!



If by "great" you mean "horribly four times for comedic effect", then yes.



OH SNAP!

Lock "This is bad! I'd better inform Dancho."



Curses! Action, now!? The opera's just getting to the good part!

(The music gets all dramatic!)

It's on now!



YOU GOT BIRDED, SON!



Dramabomb! A battle on the stage! And I screwed up the formatting again!



With WHAT!?



Oh, with that. 4 TONNES!? Overkill much?



It'll take me a good 5 minutes just to gather enough strength to push it!"

That sounds like a perfect excuse for a countdown timer!



Dancho "Talk to the stage hand through the door on the right. He should be able to get you above the stage."
Lock "Let's get moving!"

Alright, we have mission!

Don't even think about hitting any of the others."

Oh come on, that's just an invitation to screw around!



I immediately regret screwing around!



Oh crap, Edgar can't do drama! Get off the stage, you hack!



Dude, Edgar, not cool! Don't jump on peoples' heads!



Yes.



Switch #2 makes it all dark. The far left switch makes a barking noise, disappointingly. Anyway, let's hit the right switch and get on up there!



The rafters... suck. You can ostensibly avoid encounters up here, but...

Opera Theater Rafters
Enemies: Stunner, Goetia



You'll probably get in a lot of fights anyway. And if you don't kill the Goetia first, they summon more Stunners. Boo.



HOORJ!



NOT SO HOORJ!



Oops.

Who will win the princess?"

I think we all know the answer to that. Thief Treasure Hunter Lock, come on down! You're the next contestant on The Opera is Right!



*Lock does a spin-jump*
Lock "I, Lock, the number one adventurer in the world will!"
*Audience cheers feebly*
Dancho "Ungh... Damn, that has to be the worst acting I've ever seen!"
*Orthros steps up*
Orthros "Quiet, you~! You're in the presence of octopus royalty! You won't be able to defeat me this time!! I'll be the one defeating you!"
*Another cheer from the audience*
*Dancho walks down to the orchestra pit*
Dancho "Eh. Might as well take advantage of the situation. Music START!"

Why yes, I DID translate that last bit straight from the Japanese version's awkwardly phrased English-in-Katakana! How did you ever guess?



♪♪ Grand Finale ♪♪

Oh boy, it's Orthros Time!

Didja miss me? Didja miss me?



Sorry, this squid's gotta run.

Well that was a short fight. Seriously, he got in one Octopus Tentacle to Edgar and Lock's faces, and that was it. Sad.



Oh snap!



♪♪ Setzer's Theme ♪♪

*Setzer drops in and spins Celes around!*
*Celes' dress gets knocked off somehow and Setzer grabs her!*
Dancho "It's Setzer!"



*Setzer flies off with Celes, Zorro-style*
Celes "Aaaaaah!!"
*Dancho's milking it for all it's worth!*
Dancho "What an unexpected turn of events! Setzer has abducted Lock's new bride, Maria! What fate lies in store for her? Be sure to come back for part 2 to find out!!"

Wow, part 2 is gonna be awesome! Maybe if we watch it, we'll get a satisfying close on the opera's story!* Oh, and Setzer is now officially a badass. Just so you know.

* This will not happen.

Whoa, Setzer! This game is rated E10+!



Oh snap, it's locked!



But it's okay, Celes is a lady with a plan!



Crafty dear that she is, Celes has a rope on hand to get her allies on up into that ship of air!



Flattery will get you nowhere, Lock.

Celes "Stop teasing me."
Lock "We may have a future acting in front of an audience. Maybe we should make a part two."
*Lock steps down and remembers why they're here*
Lock "Where's Setzer?"

Hopefully not making preparations for his "expressing love" to Celes "slowly". Eww...



Why do video games always manage to make me regret what I just said previously?



NO REALLY?

*Celes walks up to face Setzer*
Celes "Listen, Setzer. We need to get to the capital city of Vector. In order to get there, we need your airship to..."
Setzer "I'm not interested in your business, you're not Maria."

Well this isn't going well. Chip in any time, guys!



Now Celes is trying flattery?

*Lock steps up*
Lock "And that you're the world's top gambler."
*Gau steps up*
*Edgar steps up*
Edgar "I am the king of Figaro. I'm willing to reward you greatly if you cooperate with us."

Well, at least they're trying to help out now.



*Celes steps forward*
Celes "Yes......?"
Setzer "Don't take it the wrong way. I haven't decided to give a hand yet."

Ooh, cold. Let's take this into the main room of the Blackjack.



Lovely. I'm sure he'll be our staunchest supporter.



Most of them by your hand, I might add, Celes!

Lock "The Empire is abusing the power of magic, and trying to take over the world by brute force."
Edgar "My kingdom was also allied to the Empire recently, but our alliance has been dissolved."
Setzer "The Empire...... ......?"

I think we might be getting through to him!



Sell it, Celes!

Setzer "I see you in a new light now. You're even more beautiful than Maria."
Celes "Huh??"

Uh, don't sell it, on second thought...

Aww, someone's embarrassed.

I will lend a hand if she does. Those are my conditions."
*Lock runs between them!*
Lock "Hold it! Stop being so damned selfish!"
Celes "Fine."
*LOCK SHOCK!*
Setzer "Great! Then it's official!"
Celes "But I have my own conditions."
*Celes gets something from Edgar and returns*
Celes "We'll do a coin toss. If it's heads, you cooperate with us regardless. If it's tails, I'll be your woman. Care to try your luck, Mr. Gambler?"
*Setzer laughs*
Setzer "Hoho, this is rich. I accept your challenge."
Lock "Are you crazy? Celes... What if you have to become his woman...?"
*Celes just winks at Lock, then steps back*
Celes "Ready?"

What does Celes have up her sleeve?



This all seems vaguely familiar, actually...



She wins!

*Setzer walks over and picks up the coin*
Setzer "Hmm, now this is, ah, interesting. This coin appears to be double-headed." {Celes makes her own luck. And yes, that is why Edgar told Matias to 'pick a head'; one side features Edgar's head, the other Matias'.}
Celes "It looks like you've been beaten at your own game, eh, Mr. Gambler?"
*Setzer faces away*
Setzer "Ha! Now that was a dirty trick... I can't believe I didn't spot it. I love it!! Okay, I'll lend you a hand. A little gamble with death versus the Empire should be exciting."
*Setzer flips the coin back to Celes*



Ante up!



Setzer "You can't do a thing about it. When things fall, they fall... Keeping it up is a matter of fate, a gamble with your life..." {Not inspiring a lot of confidence there, Setzer. Also, man the goddamn helm, you idiot!}
Lock "It's a bit too conspicious to fly over Imperial airspace in this thing. We should land a short distance away from the capital, so we aren't spotted."
Setzer "Whatever suits you. I'll wait on the airship for your return, and be ready to take off at a moment's notice."

Looks like we'll be there soon, then.



♪♪ Ghastra's Empire ♪♪

Ominous.



And that's where we leave off this time! Next time, we'll do a little Imperial exploration and infiltrate the capital city Vector!

So, what's the deal with the double-headed coin? In the Woosely translation it's a big reveal to Sabin right here, but in yours it looks like he knew all along? What are his lines if he's member four of the party there?

Matias knew all along, yes. His comment is just "This coin is...!? Big brother!" We're supposed to know from implication that it's the same coin, which secondary documentation reveals was custom-made for Edgar and Matias by their father to commemorate their being such awesome princes of the universe Figaro.

According to my sources, Setzer isn't actually praising the Empire here, but complaining that it's because of them that his casino isn't getting business.

Celes is considerably more enthusiastic about being an opera floozy in this version than in Woolsey's. Suddenly it makes more sense for her to rush right into rehearsal.

The one thing that always bothered me is that you never meet this "Maria."

And it also seemed strange to me that people would reference how you needed an airship, but only one dude in the world has one?

I would always use Kirin for boss fights later in the game. Full-party regen? Yes please!

Is it just me, or does that suck all the power out of the whole coin-flipping scene? Unless... hrm... In the Woolsey version it's the big brother taking responsibility while protecting/coddling the younger brother, but in the Sky Render translation it sounds more like the point of the flip is to decide which of two people who hate the idea will have to stay and be king; either that or Matias knows it's a sham the entire time.

I always figured that Sabin didn't know when Edgar pulled it on him, but knew what was up when Celes did it later on.

Or that the whole thing got mangled, he knew the whole time, and the point was that the flip landed with Edgar's head up for the kingdom.

The Figaro brothers' coin toss was a genuine random chance thing, not Edgar trying to fool Matias. What's more, Matias is only the "younger brother" by technicality (they're twins). And actually, it's hinted that Matias DID win the coin toss, and Edgar decided to stay and become king of Figaro anyway. Which in itself seems far more powerful to me than just having Edgar fool Matias and Matias breaking his end of the bargain and running off even though Edgar "won".

So I'm (re)playing through the GBA version, and it's been going pretty great so far.

The introduction is, well, awesome, although I'll assume it'd be a lot more grandiose on a larger screen. The beginning part was pretty easy, although it was nice to tear through EVERYTHING with the Magitek armor. Is there any spot later in the game (well, besides the Sabin part) where you can use them? Funnily enough, I watched Avatar recently, and those Mechs that you use seem oddly redolent of the Magiteck Armors (although it could be just me). For the Terra rescue sequence, I got Locke's group killed twice trying to get that stupid Mythril Knife from the Boss. After that, I killed him with Mog's OHKO move (what was that called again...probably quite a bit different from either translation). The Figaro Castle scenario went swimmingly (not like anything can go wrong), but it's kinda funny how you can have Edgar run out of the castle instead of talking to the soldier guy (when you first see Kefka). Not that it makes much of a difference in the long run...I got Locke killed again at the Magiteck Armor part (they both attacked him, killing him at full health), so I didn't get to steal from them.

Figaro Cave...er, I went through it. South Figaro is huge! The rich man's house has like five kajillion secret exits in it.

She doesn't say his whole name in the GBA version, so it's slightly more ambiguous about the whole thing. The rich guy is just as suspicious as ever though. Edgar used the line "he'd kill his best friend for money" instead of the "he'd slit his mama's throat for a nickel" when describing Shadow for the first time, so it's not always closer to the Woolsey translation. But Interceptor is still a raving murderous monster. Also, when it comes to shopping, it may just be me here, but I think the GBA version is more generous when it comes to how much money you recieve.

He talks about how Figaro castle looked so cool when it was moving underground, but that it didn't matter, because you couldn't see it while it was moving underground. I never understood how to make that old guy talk (the one who needs beer). Do you have to talk to him while the merchant is there?

The spritework is really impressive. It's really cool how the map sprites are the same as the battle sprites, something Square kinda failed to do in Chrono Trigger. Also, is the person who's in the front of your party (as in, just order of party members, not row) most prone to getting attacked? Because Terra's probably been attacked the most out of all of my party members. Also, do enemies have variable HPs? Because Edgar crossbowed two Zaghrams, and one died by a 129 damage attack, while the other survived a 131. Also, apparently the Bio Blaster heals them?! WTF, they look at least humanoid to me. You can also steal Bandanna's from them, which aren't worth spending time grinding for, but it's nice if you do get one (they're slightly better than the Plumed Hats).

Also, speaking of Mount Colts enemies, I can't think of a time where Fire's been more useful in a FF game! Most of the enemies are either weak to that or Auto-Crossbow. Also, being able to block attacks with shields is so cool, I have no idea why all of those other JRPGs (including the FF sequels, although admittedly I'm not too sure if you even get shields in the later games) don't incorporate this mechanic. Also, for the record, Terra's been way better at Cureing than Rosa ever was. And Drain is apparently not totally crappy? What's up with that? Also on another totally random note, I wonder if they fixed the Giant's Glove in the GBA version.

The GBA version only gives you a potion.