A Tale of Two Scripts: Let's play FF3 US & FF6 RPGOne!

Time to join the Imperial forces for Operation Esper Apology. First step, connecting with Leo at the Albrook port.


Well, guess it would have been asking a bit much for the Empire to clear out of all the cities they occupied, not just South Figaro. At least they remembered to mostly change the population’s dialog!


Townsman: Business is picking up in the port! Maybe economy will make a recovery!
M.tek Guard: Now Maybe we can get on with our lives.
Townsdude: I heard some Espers flew outta the mountains near the base and thrashed the troopers there!
Old Overalls Guy: And they’re such TIGHTWADS! They’re raking in the cash!
Soldier: Wouldn’t want to be in their shoes, though!
Soldier: I heard that Espers attacked the Empire...
Other Soldier: All’s well!
Old Fellow: Some strange guy’s tryin’ to sell glowing stones... When I wouldn’t take one, he said he was going to Tzen.
Café Barman: Since the soldiers are leaving, business is bound to pick up. Oops... better keep my mouth shut.
Sure enough, the café is empty. Albrook may still have a small occupational force, but the main Imperial party forces are gone.


Wharf Guard: General Leo’s waiting for you.
Military Aide: General Leo’s holding a meeting.
Soldier: Once we find an Esper, we’ll be able to restore peace!
Roadblock: Stay clear of the engine room. It’s dangerous.


LEO: Let me introduce... General Celes... and Shadow.


LEO: Is something wrong?
Locke: No...
LEO: Our departure isn’t till tomorrow. I’ve arranged some lodging for you. Please, get some rest. [He turns back to his aide. TERRA steps up to CELES.]
Terra: Celes...
Celes: ... ...


Locke: Celes...


That’s... that’s really reassuring, Shadow. Thanks. We head off to the inn, where Locke gets busy working out a schedule for sleeping in shifts so someone can watch the ninja at all times.
Innkeeper: General Leo told us about you. By all means...


Locke: Celes...
[CELES looks away.]
Locke: Come on...! Why won’t you speak to me? Even if it was only a little... I doubted you... But I’m still your friend...
[CELES walks away.]
Locke: Celes! [LOCKE looks down, seemingly aware for once he’s a big jerk. Or just confused by Celes and women in general.]


With that we set off. Fortunately, what could be a short, uneventful sea voyage is interrupted by exciting character interaction!
SOLDIER: All systems A-O-K.
LEO: We should arrive tomorrow morning. Why not rest until then?


LEO [steps to the side and looks askance at TERRA]: Looks like you’re feeling better...
Terra [crosses to the opposite railing and looks back at LEO]: Funny, isn’t it... I was used by the Empire... even had my thoughts ripped from me... But here I am cooperating with the “enemy”...
LEO: People are people. Not all of us are like Kefka.
Terra [turns away]: What... what’s with you?
LEO: I knew you were being used as a kind of biological weapon... And because I didn’t do anything about it, I’m no different than Kefka...
Terra: I’m the product of a human and an Esper... Will I ever be able to love someone?
LEO: Of course!
Terra: But... I haven’t felt that way yet...
LEO: You’re just young. ...but I understand what you mean. I understand only too well... [He leaves TERRA alone with her thoughts.]


Terra [hearing something]: Who is it?
Shadow [comes out from behind the cabin]: Thought I’d sleep out under the stars.
Terra: Did you hear... ...what we were just talking about?
Shadow [looking out over the opposite railing]: I didn’t mean to overhear anything.
Terra [takes a step toward SHADOW]: Umm...
Shadow [turns toward TERRA]: I can’t help you. You must look within for answers.
[TERRA looks down in thought for a moment, then begins walking to the cabin.]
Shadow: Terra. [She stops and he steps toward her.] In this world are many like me who’ve killed their emotions. Don’t forget that.
[TERRA walks offscreen. Shadow stares out over the foreground railing.]


Locke [falling flat on his face]: Ooh... Ohhhhhhh...


[Locke collapses to the deck again, then gets to his knees.]
Locke: Not a word of this to anyone else, o shrouded one... I think I’m gonna... [He leaps back up the railing.]
[Fade out.]
Stay classy, FF3.

Soldier B: Rumor has it that the power of magic still exists on Crescent Island.
Soldier 3: We’re almost to Crescent Island.
LEO: We’re almost at Crescent Island. When we disembark, we’ll split into two groups. Celes and I will form one group. Terra, you go with Locke and Shadow. If you spot the Espers, report at once!
Locke: Let’s go. Shadow!


Celes: Um, I...

He keeps making that same face.
Locke [turning to TERRA]: Come on. [Walks off, followed by SHADOW.]


Our next destination is actually on the same island where we got all our Gaia Gears, on a little spit of land we didn’t bother visiting before...


Where I could have just bought the armor. Oh well, a GP saved is a GP earned. Besides, the people here are a little... strange about outsiders.
Young Woman: Oh, wow!!! Strangers!!
Old Lady: Listen, I have to tell you... Naaah... never mind.
Townsfellow: Espers? What in blazes are they? If they’re animals, talk to the old guy that lives on the edge of town.
Townschap: For some reason the inn keeper doesn’t like strangers!
Boy Guarding House: Ha! No admittance!
MAYOR: Welcome, welcome! Magic...? What is this “magic”?


Hrm. The weapon store is selling an entire class of weaponry that can’t be equipped by any characters we already have. Foreshadowing! And even if we can’t equip them, we can still use them with the Item command to cast level 2 elemental spells, so I pick up a few of each element. Now, one last home invasion...


Strago: Espers? Espers... Hmm... Not really familiar with that word.
Locke: But you’ve heard it before?
Strago: Nope, uhn uhn... Can’t say I have. Honestly can’t say I have!


“Grandpa!”


Strago: Hey... HEY! What in blazes... What’re you doing?


Relm: Grandpa. Who are these people? Friends? Can they use magic, too?
Strago: Yaa! Hush!
[RELM is distracted by a shiny.]


Strago: Go to your room!
Relm: I will not! What a fussy old man!
Strago: Please... leave us!
Relm: Well... all right...

[RELM storms back to her room, INTERCEPTOR following.]
Strago: Hoo boy... Seems to like your dog...
Relm [sticks her face through the doorway]: What a sweet puppy! [Slams the door.]
Strago: This is terrible... Sorry.
Shadow: No problem. The dog usually doesn’t like people, though...
Strago: Please excuse her. She’s just young.
Locke: Hmmm...
Strago: This is just a back-water village. We can tell you nothing about your Espers...
[The PARTY confers among itself.]
Locke: I see... There’s something wrong here...
Terra: Let’s have a look around.
Locke [turning back to Strago]: Thanks for your time!
Strago: Sorry I couldn’t have been more helpful!
Shadow [turns to the door]: Interceptor! Come!


[RELM lets INTERCEPTOR through and kneels to say goodbye.]
Relm: Oh, all right...
[The PARTY leaves.]


The boy’s Fire doesn’t last long the first time, but the subsequent times it lasts almost a full second. Eventually he notices us...


And he runs off, never to be seen again.


This is the same “No admittance!” boy we talked to before.

With nothing else really to do here, we just take a rest at the inn. (I didn’t get a shot of it, but if you come here before talking to Strago the cost is sky high, something along the lines of 10K a night as I recall.) Awww, look at little Interceptor there, sleeping with his-


GAH!
Strago: This is awful! Relm... she’s...
[TERRA and INTERCEPTOR wake up.]
Terra: Relm’s in danger?
Strago: Yes! She was at a neighbor’s house when a fire broke out. I won’t be able to stand it if something happens to her! Please! Won’t you help?!
[STRAGO, TERRA, and INTERCEPTOR leave the inn.]
Locke: Shadow!
[SHADOW looks at LOCKE for a moment, then rolls over again. LOCKE leaves without saying anything else. SHADOW notices his dog is gone and gets out of bed.]
Shadow: Interceptor... Where are you?!


Well, this red lighting isn’t ominous at all. There’s a few townsfolk running around screaming “FIRE!!” but just ignore them and head for the blaze.
Strago: Relm’s inside that house!


Strago: Relm!!!!!
Locke: What’re you doing?
“Flames be GONE!!!”


[STRAGO’s little sparkles do nothing but attract an angry populace.]
MAYOR: Magic is forbidden!
Terra: Magic...?! But magic makes fire, it doesn’t destroy it!
Strago: I don’t care! Relm’s inside!!! Flames be GONE!!! [He sends a new round of sparkles at the inferno.]
“Mayor!!”
MAYOR: All right. We really have no choice. Stand back. [The gathered Thamasans – and one grandmother who runs in late – take up formation.]


Each of the Thamasans takes a turn using the Flames be GONE!!! spell.

But Providence must have cast a Flames be Back spell though, as the fire claims even more of the house.
Strago: It’s no use. The fire’s too strong!
MAYOR: I think that’s because they keep so many Fire Rods in here...
Strago: I’m going in!
[TERRA and LOCKE grab him before he reaches the door.]
Terra: Wait... I’m going too.
Locke: Count me in. You’d better stay out here, gramps.
Strago: Fool! I may be old, but I’m not powerless!


Before we actually go in, I take a moment to outfit Strago. Since we’re about to go into a fire, I give him RunningShoes for permanent Haste and our spare Genji Glove, then hand him the two Ice Rods I bought earlier. Terra has a Genji Glove, Morning Star, and the one Blizzard in the party inventory. With Locke Capturing with Atma Weapon, all three party members will be OHKO-ing the enemies ahead.


Strago: Hurry! We have to find Relm!


Yeah, we aren’t getting out of here without fighting a few flames. Even walking next to one will send you into a fight with either three or six Balloons, so in a house made of small corridors like this it’s inevitable that you’ll trigger a good number of fights. A trio like this isn’t a big threat, since we can take them out in one round of Fight/Capture.


Groups of six aren’t a worry either, since we finally have a new mage on our team. Strago’s Lore command isn’t regular old useful magic, however, but blue magic. In essence, he can learn certain enemy attacks by seeing them used in battle as long as he isn’t Blinded, KOed, or Petrified at the time (note that this includes someone on his team, i.e. Gau, using the attacks). They can be pretty expensive and hard to get but are also powerful. Even if Aqua Rake is something Gau can do at least two ways, with no MP cost. Anyway, just Rake any groups of six you run into and you’ll be fine.

(Strago starts with three total Lores. His other two Lores at this point are Stone, which killed Sabin so many times on our way to Jidoor way back when, and Revenge, which does damage equal to Strago’s max HP minus his current HP. Finally, while we’re on Lores I’ll mention that some of them are hard to even target. Stone is most effective against enemies the same level as Strago, for instance, but one of the hardest is L.? Pearl, which hits enemies whose level is a multiple of the final digit of the party’s GP. Have fun with that one!)


Always go right in this dungeon. At the first intersection, going left heads you into a repeatable fight with a bunch of Ballons and right is progress. Going right first at subsequent intersections will nab you Fire and Ice Rods.


Once you get to the boss, things are about done. FlameEater’s actually pretty toothless; if the fight goes on long enough it will use Protect and Reflect on itself, but... meh. In theory it could use Quartr and Flare against us as a counter for our own Gravity attacks, but you’re pretty unlikely to have access to Demi or Quartr at this point in the game and even if you did have them somehow, the boss is (like most bosses) immune to them and counter scripts don’t trigger on missed spells like that.

The strategy on our end is pretty simple. Strago uses Aqua Rake if it summons backup or Fights with his two Ice Rods if it’s alone, Locke Captures a Flame Sabre, and Terra...


breaks the spare Ice Rod we got here over its head, casting Ice2 on everything. If you really want to be fancy I hear you can give Terra everything you can to increase her magic damage (Magus Hat, Blizzard, White Dress, two Earrings, anything else you might have with a bonus to Magic), have her Morph, then break the Ice Rod when FlameEater’s alone to hit the damage cap, assuming you aren’t doing some low level challenge or something, and OHKO the boss. Too bad I found out about this after recording this fight.

The screen fades out to the sounds of collapsing house...


Interceptor does his level best to protect us, but the flames push him back...


Man, talk about cutscene powers. That was awesome.
Shadow: Let’s get outta here! I’ll use a Smoke Bomb!!


[RELM gets out of bed.]
Strago: Are you okay?
Relm: Yes. Thanks, Grandpa!
Strago: Save your thanks for these people.
Relm: Thank you...
Strago: I guess our town’s little secret is out now...
Locke: Can everyone here use magic? What’s going on here?
Strago: This is... the village of the Mage Warriors... Long ago humans used Magicite to gain magical powers. They came to be known as Mage Warriors.
Locke: But I thought they perished centuries ago...
Strago: After the War of the Magi, the Espers fled to their new world behind the sealed gate. They wished to live peacefully, without fear of being used by humans. They left us here to fend for ourselves... But we were despised by normal people. Everyone felt that we had begun that war... They sent people to hunt us down like animals. There weren’t even any trials...
Terra: Even though the only difference was that you could use magic...?
Strago: A few Mage Warriors escaped and found their way here. They were our ancestors. Our powers have weakened over time, but some of it remains.
Terra: Look, if you’re up to it, we could use your help.
Strago: So, you’re after the Espers, eh...? Well, I owe you for saving Relm. I’ll help you find your Espers.
Relm: Me too!
Strago: I don’t think so.
Relm: What a fuddy duddy... [She starts sulking.]
Locke: But... where do we start looking?
Strago: Hmm... If they’re here, they must be hiding in the mountains to the west.
Locke: Why there?
Strago: Those mountains have powerful magical properties. They say the Espers were created there...
Terra: Maybe they’re drawn to that place?


[As this planning is happening RELM sulks in the corner and SHADOW and INTERCEPTOR quietly slip downstairs.]
Locke: I think it’s worth a look.
I wish they’d had a different sprite for Relm in this scene than to have her cower in the corner in her critical health pose. I can’t be the only person who thinks she looks like she’s expecting a beating.


Shadow [crouching next to INTERCEPTOR]: Don’t misunderstand me. I just wanted my dog back.
Locke: Going somewhere?
Shadow: I’ll search for the Espers in my own way.
[RELM comes out and starts playing with INTERCEPTOR.]
Shadow [walking away]: Interceptor! Come!


Interceptor runs off to join Shadow and with her friend gone Relm runs back into her house; Locke and Strago climb into Terra’s back pocket and finally we can go exploring again. First, a little bit of chatter around town has changed...


Random chap: Use rods as items during battle for some amazing results! Only problem is they break after being used once!
MAYOR: No one is to divulge that we are able to use magic!


With that, we head off to the mountains for the one other point of interest on Crescent Island. But let’s take care of that next week, shall we?

Part XVIII - Operation Sleep-and-Talk

Square-Enix decided to try to lure me away again! Unfortunately for them they picked Threads of Fate, which can be won in an afternoon, so they've been thwarted again! And without further ado, we shall now proceed to Alburg and take that ship to Triangle Island.



♪♪ Kids Running Through the City Corner ♪♪

Actually, there will be further ado. Time to see some of the oft-missed dialogue that changes in Maranda as well!

Man "Once the peace agreements were settled, the Imperial soldiers left our town."
Old Woman "My son who was forced to become an Imperial soldier has returned!"
Dancer "The Imperial soldiers all left! Yeah, let's party, let's get it on!"
Man "I joined the war as an Imperial soldier. I was forced to do some terrible things, things I would never have done otherwise..."
Aisha "I'm feeling a bit lonely..."



And we can't forget Tsen, now can we?

Woman "Because of you, pleace has finally been reached. Thank you!"
Kid "Waaaah! I'm so bored!"
Old Man "Peace seems to be returning to the world, at last..."
Old Man "Alright, it's time to rebuild Tsen!"
Woman "Ever since the Imperial soldiers stopped occupying our town, I've been able to breathe easier."

I always liked this touch. In most games before this, you'd never really see the effects of whatever you accomplished. Townspeople retained their dialogue for the entire game most of the time, even long after it was relevant. But around the time FF6 came out, that shifted considerably, and the Imperial continent cities reflect this best. Anyway, on to Alburg!



Oh yes, new dialogue here too.

Gone Walkabout
Soldier "It looks like peace has finally returned, huh?"
Man "They say that they're going to release the harbor from occupation soon. Now maybe Alburg can make a comeback!"
Man "Can it be true that a pack of monsters have flown off from the mountains beyond the lookout post, and have attacked the Empire?"
Merchant "'Imperial soldiers need nothing!' they tell us, and we have to pay THEM to take our goods."
Soldier "I'd hate to be in their position... Bah..."
Soldier "Eidolons attacked the Empire, apparently..."
Soldier "Hut! Situation is normal!"
Old Man "A man came by a while back trying to sell a strange, shining stone. I refused to buy it, and he said that he was going to try selling it in Tsen." {And so he did, to us!}

In the Pub
Bartender "Now that those Imperial soldiers are gone, business should be picking up soon. Err, I probably shouldn't be saying that out loud, though..."

At the Port
Soldier "General Leo is waiting."
(On the ship)
Soldier "The Majick Armor is being kept inside here."
Soldier "The engine room is dangerous. Please keep away from it."
Soldier "Right now, General Leo is making some final preparations."

Alburg is also making a speedy recovery, unsurprisingly. So then, shall we get this over with and visit Leo at the port?



We will also be traveling with another Imperial General, and a man who was hired in this town."

Hey, the more the merrier! Who's our newest additions to the crew?



Those... are not new additions at all.

*Celes nods*
*Lock SHOCK!*
*Leo faces Lock*
Leo "Is something wrong?"
Lock "No......"
Leo "Well, the departure is not scheduled until tomorrow. The inn has been informed that you might be coming."
*Leo faces left*
Leo "For today, you need only get some rest."
*Leo resumes his meeting*
*Tina walks up to Celes*
Tina "Celes......"
Celes "......"
*Lock walks up to Celes*
*Celes looks away, then runs off*
*Lock gets depressed*
Lock "Celes......"

Gotta love how much FF6 conveys without much dialogue in some scenes.



I'm not about to backstab you if the opportunity presents itself."

Well that wasn't ominous or anything. Jeez, top notch pick there, Leo. Whatever, let's just get a nap in before the long ocean voyage.



Sometimes it pays to be the guest of the Empire.



Lock, go back to bed. We've hit enough cliches for this game, we don't need to add "nighttime chat with romantic interest" to the list.



♪♪ Celes' Theme ♪♪

Oh goddamn it.



*Celes looks up, but then away from Lock*
Lock "Come on... Why won't you speak to me?" {Maybe because you believed Kefka over her? Just a hunch.}
*Lock walks down to Celes*
Lock "I doubted you, just a bit... But, I'm still your friend."
*Celes starts to walk away*
*Lock pursues a bit*
Lock "Celes!"
*Celes closes her eyes, then runs off*
*Lock gets depressed*

Hooray for conservation of dialogue!



FINALLY.

That looks exactly like the South Figaro ferry, doesn't it? Recycled sprites: they make 16-bit RPGs go 'round!



Um... good?

*Leo nods to his soldier, then faces the Dynamic Duo*
Leo "We will arrive tomorrow morning. You would be wise to rest up until then."
*They nod enthusiastically to Leo, then walk off*

Jeez, we've spent more of this mission asleep than awake so far.



Oh jeez, Tina, not you too? Is there just a late-night-romantic-interest-chat quota you have to meet or something?



♪♪ Awakening ♪♪

*Tina nods twice*
*Leo steps around to below her and looks off to his left*
Leo "You look like you're feeling a bit better..."
*Tina walks towards the port railing and looks down, then over towards Leo*
Tina "......It's so strange. The Empire manipulated me, contrilled my actions, and here I am helping them out."
*Tina faces Leo properly*
Leo "Imperial people are still human beings. Not all are evil like Kefka."
*Tina faces away, looks down, then looks up again*
Tina "Um...... What about you?"
*Leo steps towards the starboard railing, and looks down*
Leo "I knew taht you were a half-Eidolon, and were the subject of Majick experimentation, but... I couldn't stop Kefka, and I am just as guilty as he is..." {This guy has a SERIOUS nobility complex.}
*Tina walks up, faces Leo, and looks down*
Tina "I'm the product of a human and an Eidolon... I've been raised to live as a human, but... Will I ever be able to love another person?"
*Leo faces Tina*
Leo "I cannot see why you couldn't."
*Tina walks to the port railing and looks down*
Tina "But... I've never felt love before."
*Leo looks down, then away from Tina*
*Leo walks down towards Tina and faces her*
Leo "You're still young. ......Someday you'll understand. I know it......"
*Leo looks off to the side away from Tina, then walks off*
*Tina follows a short distance a few seconds later, then stops and looks down again, facing the sea once more*
Tina "But...... I want to know now......"
*Door open noise!*
Tina "Who's there......?"



This just keeps getting more and more dramatic, huh?

*Tina looks down, then off to the left*
Tina "Did you overhear... what we were talking about?"
*Shadow takes a few steps out onto the deck and faces the starboard railing*
Shadow "I wasn't planning to overhear it."
Tina "Ummm......"
*Shadow faces Tina and shakes his head*
Shadow "I cannot help you. You must find the answer yourself."
*Tina looks down and to the right, then starts to walk off*
Shadow "Tina."
*Tina stops and Shadow takes a step down*
Shadow "There are others in this world who have killed all emotions, like I did. Don't forget that."
*Tina walks off without comment*

They really laid it on thick for this scene. Can we get some comedy relief to lighten the mood a bit?



♪♪ Unknown ♪♪

Ah, there we go!



Looks like Lock can't handle the sea. He gets up shocked and...!



Eww.



Hahaha. Shadow just walked off, no doubt chuckling to himself.



And lock relieves the contents of his stomach one last time. Scene!



Oh, more talking time on the boat? Okay!

Soldier "We should reach Triangle Island soon."
Soldier "Although the power of magic is mostly lost, it's said that it remains strong on Triangle Island."

That was short.



I will work with Celes, and you will team up with Lock and Shadow. If you locate where the Eidolons are, report back here immediately."

WillWon't do, boss!



No, let's sit on the boat like idiots for the next 12 hours.

*Lock faces left*
Lock "Shadow!"
*A soldier walks off as Shadow stands up, and Interceptor barks, and Shadow steps closer to Lock*
Celes "Um, Lock..."
*Celes steps down and right as Interceptor approaches Shadow*
Celes "Umm, I......"
*Lock glances sidelong at Celes, then faces Tina*
Lock "Come on."
*Lock and Shadow walk off; Tina stops to look at Celes*
*Celes gets down on her knees*
*Tina steps towards Celes, glances sidelong one last time at her, then follows the others*

Ouch. I guess Lock's feeling bitter.

♪♪ Tina ♪♪

Heyhey, another continent! Or rather, the side of the Veldt that was blocked off by a river before. Apparently it's not the Veldt here, though.

Thamasa Area
Enemies: Chimera, Devourer, Briareos

Okay, on to the only town in the area!



♪♪ Stragos' Theme ♪♪

Huh, that's odd. Why's the track here called "Stragos' Theme", anyway? Oh well, we'll probably know soon enough. But first, it's talking time!

Walking Around Town
Woman "Wow, this is a rare sight. We get few visitors from other lands."
Man "Eidolons? What are those? If they're monsters, you should ask the old man living on the outskirts of the village, he knows the most about such things."
Kid "Hehe. You can't come in here."
Man "The old man at the inn dislikes foreigners. If you're from another land, be wary around him."

Item Shop
Old Woman "Listen... No, I shouldn't trouble you."

Mayor's House
Village's Mayor "Please, relax while you're here. Magic? What is that, exactly?"

Hmm, this town is kinda... shifty. Maybe that old man the townsperson mentioned can help us.



Oh please tell me this guy doesn't have an annoying speech pattern...



Well clearly he's a future party member. This is Stragos, or Strago if you prefer. So that's why this town's theme is called that! Anyway, his vital stats:

Name: Stragos Magus
Age: 70
Class: Blue Mage Warrior
Height: 150cm (4'11")
Weight: 43kg (95lbs)
Birthday: 6/13
Zodiac Sign: Gemini
Blood Type: O
Birthplace: Thamasa
Favorite Thing: Monsters
Least Favorite Thing: Being treated like an old man
Hobby: Making wood carvings
Treasured Possession: His collection of monster wood carvings

Bit of an odd duck, he is. Interesting class title, too. You'd almost think he's secretly a mage, but that can't be, right?



Lock "Do you know anything about them?"
*Strago is shocked and shakes his head no*
Stragos "No, I know nothing. Nothing, nothing at all... I know notihng, I do not."
*The party convenes, making an amusing cross with Interceptor at the south*
"Hmm, that's odd......"

Indeed it is. Hark, is that an interruption I sense?



♪♪ Relm's Theme ♪♪

It is!



This annoying little bratrat runs out, shoving her grandpa aside, sizes up the party, then starts tugging on Srago's robe.

*Strago faces the kid*
Strago "Stop it... What are you doing?"



ANOTHER future party member? Okay, let's roll out the character sheet for Relm.

Name: Relm Arrowny
Age: 10
Class: Pictomancer
Height: 153cm (5'0")
Weight: 40kg (88lbs)
Birthday: 9/09
Zodiac Sign: Virgo
Blood Type: B
Birthplace: Thamasa
Favorite Thing: Pancakes and eggs with lots of maple syrup, big people
Least Favorite Thing: Insects, scary people, and medicine that stings
Hobby: Painting things, collecting ribbons
Treasured Possession: A hand-made ribbon given to her by her late mother

"Pictomancer"? Is calling someone a painter just out of style or something?



Strago is, understandably, freaking out at that little slip of the tongue.

Strago "Nyaa, shut up!"
*Relm gets excited at the sight of Interceptor and runs down to check him out*
Relm "Aww, a sweet puppy."
Shadow "Keep back. He bites."
*Strago walks down to confront Relm*
Strago "Go in the back room."
Relm "But Relm doesn't wanna~! Stupid, stubborn old jerk!!"
*Strago puts on his game face*
Strago "Get going!"
Relm "Okaaaay..."
*Relm leaves, followed by Interceptor*
Strago "Whoo boy... Your dog seems to like her..."
*Relm steps down to the doorway again*
Relm "Aww, he's following Relm!"
*Relm runs back into the room and shuts the door*

Okay, I'll just say it now: Relm swears like a sailor a lot of the time and talks in the third person. The former was presumably a joke about how kids these days are more vulgar than ever, while the latter is a common quirk of little kids in Japanese stories. I apologize in advance for how annoying this will get.



♪♪ Stragos' Theme ♪♪

And how!

*Shadow walks up and Lock and Tina walk back*
Strago "I'm sorry, I am."
Shadow "It doesn't matter. But that dog doesn't take a liking to anyone..."
*Lock walks over and Stragos steps further into the room off to the right*
Strago "I'm sorry, but I don't have the power to stop her sometimes."
Lock "Oh, really...?"
Strago "This is merely a backwater village. We cannot help you find these Eidolons you seek."
*Lock goes back down and the group re-convenes*
Lock "Hmm. There's something not quite right about this village..."
Tina "Let's look around the village for a bit."
*They all nod to each other and Lock faces Strago again*
Lock "We thank you for your time..."
Strago "I'm terribly sorry that I couldn't help you more."
*Shadow faces the door*
Shadow "Interceptor! Let's go!"
*Interceptor barks, and Relm opens the door so he can leave*
Relm "Okay, okay..."
*Interceptor barks twice, and the group re-groups and leaves*

Well, Tina had the right idea. Shall we explore the town?

The sound of a plot point, I'd wager!



*The woman steps towards the child*
"Okay, okay. Cur..."
*She goes all MGS-Gaurd on us with a ! over her head as she notices Tina and co.*
*Tina waves*
*The woman walks down to look at Tina, then starts to walk off to the right*
"The medicine, where is it...?"
*The little girl runs after her mother*
"Mama! Use Cure on me!"

Suspicious! Anything else out of place?



Yes! What's happening here, I wonder?



Don't play with fire, kids.

*A small flame appears briefly*
"Fire!!"
*A small flame appears again, for a bit longer*
*The kid notices Tina watching*
"Wha!? Whoops!"
*The kid runs off*

Well, I guess you could say that was... illuminating. *YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!*



Hard to believe, that.



Score! I like cheap inns. At that news, Shadow got so excited that he dropped everything he was holding, too. Oh you silly Shadow, you can't hold onto anything for long, can you?



You'll never turn a profit at those rates, dude. Whatever, sleeping time! (What is this, the third nap since we started this mission? We've been asleep longer than we've been awake!)



Okay, that is one night-time chat between romantic interests I DON'T want to see. Can we skip this?



Oh phew, it isn't a romantic chat after all.

*Tina gets up and Interceptor jumps to attention*
Tina "Little Relm is...!?"
*Strago faces Tina, freaking out*
Strago "Yes! Relm was staying at the neighbor's house, when the place caught fire... Ayayaya...... Please, help me save her, please!"
*Strago faces Lock, still freaking out*
Stragos "Please! Will you lend a hand in saving her!?"
*Tina and Lock follow Stragos, and Interceptor makes a beeline for... the wall?*
*Lock stops and goes over to try to wake up Shadow*
Lock "Shadow!"
*Shadow faces Lock, then faces away*
*Lock hurries after the others*
*Shadow gets up*
Shadow "Interceptor... Where are you!?"

Wow, he's heartless, huh? So, there's a house on fire in town. That I have to see.



Yep, it's pretty much on fire.

Kid "Wawawah, my house!!"
Man "Fire~!"
Man "Fire~!"

These guys are about as effective as Airborne. Maybe Stragos has a better idea than "hop up and down impotently as the building burns".



NO, REALLY?



It's even MORE on fire now! Great job, Thamasa Fire Brigade!



Well, you got a plan, old man?



You... do. Huh, he's chanting. I wonder if that means...?

Yep, he can do magic. Raise your hand if you're surprised. ...That's what I thought.



Tina "Magic!?"
*Strago runs down and starts freaking out at the mayor*
Strago "I don't care......!! Relm's inside that house, she is!"
*Stragos runs over and tries another casting*
"Hya!"
*It doesn't help, just like the last one didn't*
*The guy off to the right runs up*
"Mayor!"
*The mayor walks over closer to Strago*
Village's Mayor "Damn... We don't have any choice."
*The mayor faces Lock and Tina*
Village's Mayor "Keep back."
*Lock and Tina run out of the way as the townspeople get into position*
*An old lady runs in at the last minute to help too*



Repeat 2 more times as the mayor and one of the men gives it a shot too.



Wow. Epic fail.



Village's Mayor "It's probably because of all the Flame Rods kept in that house..."
*Strago steps towards the house*
Strago "I'm going in, I am!"
*Lock and Tina rush to his side, and he glances at them each in turn*
Tina "Wait, I'll come with you."
Lock "Wait here, old man. We'll take care of this."
Strago "What nerve! I may be getting on in years, but I'm not so ancient that I'm ready to be called an old man, I'm not!"
*They gather together as a party and the house shakes ominously*
*Everyone jumps again, shocked!*
"Hurry!"



Tina "This place is going to collapse any minute..."
Strago "We need to find Relm as soon as possible!"

Wow. You know your house is screwed when the walls are made of fire! So yeah, this is a bit of a surprise dungeon.

Burning House
Enemies: Balloon

(Do I really NEED to link to Wikipedia for that one?)



As mentioned, the roving flames will get you into fights. Can you guess what kind of enemy you fight?



That's right, Balloons. I know, it was so hard to guess from that huge enemy list for this area!



Some of the doors you don't want to try to enter. Unless, you know, you LIKE getting into pincer attacks.



Aha, we've found part of the problem!



And part of the solution!



Sure, why not?



♪♪ Decisive Battle ♪♪

Flame Eater's a boring fight. NEXT!

Further in, I'd guess.



Whaddaya know, there she is. And Interceptor's trying to save her! How sweet.



I don't think that's gonna work, dude.



"We're too late!"

And so the game ended and everyone died in a fire. The end.



Of course that's not the end. Shadow makes the awesome ninja save!



Good thing we brought him along. Or rather, we didn't and he came to save our asses instead.



Um, obviously?

Relm "Yes, grandpa."
Strago "These people saved you."
Relm "Thank you."
*Relm nods*
Strago "Well... I guess our village's dark little secret is out now."
Lock "Can everybody living in this village use magic, then...?"
♪♪ The Mines of Narche ♪♪
*Strago walks left and nods*
Strago "This is... The village of the Majick Warriors."
*Lock and Tina are shocked! ...For some reason*
*Strago faces them*
Strago "Long ago, humans drew the power of Eidolons out of Magirocks. And those who used magic by this method came to be known as Majick Warriors."
*Lock faces away and blinks, then looks back at Strago*
Lock "I didn't think that any Majick Warriors were alive in this modern day and age."
*Strago nods and starts pacing*
Strago "After the Great War of Magic, the Eidolons retreated to their new world, behind the Sealed Gate. They feared that we humans would use their magic powers again some day. As for us, they left us behind when they fled. The regular humans feared the Majick Warriors the most, though. They punished us, claiming that we had started the Great War of Magic."
*Strago walks to the middle of the room and looks away and down*
Strago "They began to hunt down the Majick Warriors. The Majick Warriors were slaughtered on sight, one after another, not even given a trial."
Tina "Even though the only difference between them was that one group could use magic..."
*Strago walks back over to the left bed*
Strago "After the Eidolons fled this world and went into hiding, our ancestors did much the same. Although the power of magic has thinned out through our bloodlines over the years, some of it remains."
*Tina steps forward*
Tina "I suppose it's unavoidable... Would you mind cooperating with us?"
Strago "You were looking for Eidolons, right?"
*Strago ponders for a moment, then steps up and faces the group again*
Strago "I owe you a favor for helping save Relm's life. I'll help you search for the Eidolons, I will."
*Relm jumps into the middle of the room and starts pumping her arms*
Relm "Relm, too!"
Stragos "Not a chance."
*Relm looks down*
Relm "Not fair to Relm......"
Lock "So, where should we start?"
Strago "Hmm... There's a mountain on this island to the west of this village, that's wher ethe Eidolons most likely went, yes."
*Strago steps down and Relm starts walking into the corner to sulk*
Lock "A mountain?"
Strago "There's an immense magical force at that mountain, there is. According to legend, the Eidolons consider it sacred grounds."
*Shadow and Interceptor leave as the conversation continues*
Tina "So, the Eidolons that ran off so recklessly were probably drawn to the magic there...?"
*Lock walks up*
Lock "Let's go."
*Everyone nods to each other*

That was quite a scene! Any thoughts, Relm?



Guess not. Fine, we'll steal your treasured trinket from the wall, then.



Serves you right!



♪♪ Shadow's Theme ♪♪

Cold as ever, that dude.

*Lock walks over a bit and Tina steps down next to Strago*
Lock "Are you going somewhere?"
Shadow "I'll search out the Eidolons in my own way."
*Relm comes out of the house and gets excited, then runs over to Interceptor*
*Everyone watches, Shadow nods, the rest nod to him, and he starts to leave*
Shadow "Interceptor! Let's go!"
*Interceptor follows Shadow as he leaves, Relm looking downtrodden*
*Interceptor turns back for one last bark at Relm before following Shadow*
*Relm runs back into the house*

Okay, so I guess we're down to a three-man party for this next bit. No big deal.



But, if he doesn't survive the attack, he won't learn it!"

Yeah, he forgot to mention that Strago also has to not be blinded when the attack goes off. Annoying. Anyone else have new things to say?

Kid "My house burned down~!"
Man "If you use an equipped rod in battle, its magical power will be unleashed. But, the rod will break after doing this,s o take care when using them."
Village's Mayor "Please, don't tell anybody that we can use magic."
Old Woman "Actually, little Relm isn't Strago's granddaughter. Apparently, she's actually the child of an old friend of his. It's just a rumor, though."

Hooray for dead-end sub-plots! Okay, let's find that mountain.



Ominous cave is ominous. And this is our stopping point for this update. Come back next week when we delve into the depths and find our phantom Eidolons!

Dangit, I thought I was forgetting something in Thamasa.

Also, shame on that woman for talking about her daughter that way.

This part never made sense to me. Why in the nine hells would you use a smoke bomb inside a burning building?

Because he's a ninja.

Don't you know? Smoke bombs secretly contain fairy dust that allows for teleportation. That's how ninjas always manage to vanish entirely when one is thrown, versus using it as a distractionary* measure so they can sneak off unseen.

* - This is totally a real word. Just ask GUTS in the FF5 group LP!

Which is, in fact, pretty much the only effect that blindness has in unpatched pre-Advance versions of the game.

Stepping inside the cave, we immediately find this little piece of gold. As Heal Rods do in most Final Fantasies, when the character holding it attacks something instead of dealing damage they heal the target for an amount roughly equal to a single-target Cure2 spell. I immediately hand it to Strago and have him start attacking any party members who get damage, letting Terra save her MP for more pressing matters like...


Adamanchyts, who have a sky-high defense and use Sneeze to eject anyone who Attacks them from the battle. A good shot of Fire2 can deal around 1,600 damage and OHKO them, though. If someone’s on Heal Rod duty, feel free to have Locke work on Stealing from these guys; they have a Gold Shield as a rare Steal, which is a good shield at this point in the game for characters who can equip it.

(There are two “types” of shields. Regular shields can be equipped by everyone except an optional character we’ll find later. “Heavy” shields, including the Heavy, Gold, Diamond, and Crystal Shields, can only be equipped by Terra, Celes, Edgar, Locke, Cyan, and Setzer. The first five on the list are all the team’s swordsmen, but why the gambler can equip heavy armor, I don’t know.)


The other interesting non-boss here are these guys, who have a 33% chance to Petrify a party member every third turn and a 33% chance to use Raid and steal some HP whenever attacked. This includes times it won’t actually save them and it’s only serving as a 300-350 point revenge attack, as above. The dungeon itself isn’t all that interesting at first either. Two doors in the first room let out onto the same ledge – take one and you’ll simply loop around to the other. From the other door it’s a straight shot through the dungeon to the next story point.


As you wander through the caves if you’re fast enough you’ll catch sight of Relm following you through the dungeon. Hands up anyone who thought we were done with Relm after leaving Thamasa! (Even without Sky Render’s writing her up as a main character.) Yeah, that’s what I thought. She’s too quick for us to catch at this point, sadly.


She does lead us right to the next story point, though.
Locke [moves to examine the left statue]: Some faint letters are carved on the back of the stone figures... Say, old man, what else can you tell us about these goddesses?
[RELM wanders into the room behind us. Surprised, she crouches by the entrance to eavesdrop.]
Strago: They quite literally created magic, as we know it.
Locke: So, they’re the goddesses of magic, then?
Strago: You could say that.
Terra [examines the right statue]: I can feel their power...
Strago: The Statues are the source of all magic. It’s said the Espers made these images, and put them in a very special place. These represent power beyond all comprehension...
Terra: Our Espers no doubt came to this island to bask in all this magical power!
Locke: Say, old timer, what happened to the stone goddesses?
Strago: Legend has it that they’re hidden somewhere beyond the reach of humans. I’d say they’re beyond the sealed gate...


Locke: Phew...what a story.
Terra: If the Espers were attracted here by these statues, they must be around here somewhere!


Locke: I think it’s worth a look.
As the party is leaving, an old friend drops in.


Ultros, like pretty much everyone, has eyes only for stomping on Locke. Eventually he gets bored and notices the big shinies up the stairs.
ULTROS: G’heh, heh...these shiny statues are all mine! These’ll get Ziegfried’s attention! Oh! They’re glowing!! They’re...beautiful!
Locke [standing up and dusting off the tentacle prints]: Hey, squidball! Don’t you ever learn?
ULTROS: Uh, well they always said I was a slow learner... but I eat FAST!!
And he pounces on us, as he is wont to do.

“I’ve more lives than I do arms!”
Alright, let’s be up front here: most if not all of the boss battles in this game involve scripting - largely counter attacks, but also including timed attacks, dialog, all sorts of things – but Ultros’ battles are probably the most complicated to keep track of. After taking enough damage (around 30%) he’ll cast Protect and Haste on himself, and every minute he’ll hit a random character with Hailstone, a powerful Ice attack. He also has his usual Ink and Tentacle attacks, plus Stone (a threat if anyone’s level 25) and Magnitude 8 (but if you aren’t wearing Gaia Gear at this point, even after you can buy it straight up, I don’t know what you’re doing).

The real threat is his little trick he does with magic. Hit him with three spells of one element and he’ll begin to counter any spells of the big three elements with their third tier – Fire and Fire2 get countered with Fire3, Bolt with Bolt3, etc. After the game gives you a warning that you’ll “use magic at your own risk” stick to normal attacks and special commands like Capture (which, by the way, is still doing twice as much damage with the Atma Weapon as Fight).


“Hope I’m not making a nuisance of myself! So sorry!”
Of course, if you really want to deal out the pain, have Terra Morph and attack with Fire2 or, if you’re really feeling nasty, break Fire or Bolt Rods on him. At 3000+ damage each, three of Esper-Terra’s spells knock off around half of Ultros’ HP total. With that done, Terra attacking with the Flame Sabre and Bolt Sword and Locke Capturing easily finishes Ultros off. This Ultros does have a mechanic where he moves closer and further from you, determining which non-counter attacks he can use, but as long as no one’s being hit with 8x power Stones Strago can easily keep pace with the damage from Ultros’ normal attacks.


Once you’ve got Ultros on the ropes, Relm drops in to join the party in a mid-battle 16-bit cutscene.
Strago: Relm! I told you stay at home!
Relm: I couldn’t miss the chance to practice my drawing! [She turns toward ULTROS.] Say, sweetie, who are you?
ULTROS: How dare you! I’m Ultros!!


Relm: Listen, Ulty... ... Why don’t you pose for me?
ULTROS: I’m not one of your kiddy friends! Don’t talk to me as if I were!! I don’t want a portrait!
Relm [throwing herself flat on her face]: Forget it! I don’t wanna draw it anymore! [Gets to her feet and faces the cliff.] It’s okay... ... I’ll just jump down from here.


[RELM steps close to TERRA.]
“Whisper, whisper... ...”
Terra [turns to ULTROS while RELM pouts]: How dare you bother that little girl! I’m not going to forgive you if you hurt her!! [TERRA steps away and gives ULTROS the stink eye.]
ULTROS: Well, whadduya want I should do?
Locke [walks over to ULTROS’ side]: Ask her to draw your portrait. She may actually make you look pleasant!


ULTROS: ... ... ...
... ... ...
... ... ...
... ... ...
... ... ...
... ... ...
... ... ...
... ... ... This is even worse than “M- M-M-M-M-MAGIC!?”
Oh, all right, Uncle Ulty REALLY wants you to do his portrait!!!
Relm: Hee, hee, hee... You’re gonna love it!
Strago: At any rate, come here!


Relm’s special command is Sketch, which summons a copy of whatever she’s fighting to use one of its own attacks (in theory, anyway; for example, the Adamanchyt Sketch performs Blaster, a multi-target instant death attack that I’m pretty sure the monster can’t use normally). Against Ultros it uses his trademark Tentacle attack.

(Be careful, as the timer for Hailstone seems to keep running during the cutscene, so there’s a good chance that after you’re done with that Ultros will immediately hit one of your characters with a 900 point attack. That might have just been really bad timing on my part though.)


“How can this be? I...I’m nothing more than a stupid octopus!”


Strago: G...GRAMPS!!?
Terra: I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to have you along...
Strago: All right all ready! If you insist...
Relm: That’s better!
And with that Relm is a full-fledged party member.


She comes with a couple of interesting pieces of equipment. The Chocobo Brsh isn’t anything to write home about, unless you get really excited by Relm-exclusive painting-themed weaponry. Later brushes will provide decent stat bonuses, but for now your best bet could be to give her the Heal Rod and have her take over for Strago; its healing runs off the wielder’s magic power and Relm, as the youngest member of an FF cast, has the highest in the game.

The other important piece of equipment she comes with is the Memento Ring, the description of which is shown above. Note the description, and consider that only Relm and Shadow are able to wear it. Let the conspiracy theories commence! Ok, so Relm being Shadow’s daughter is canon, having been confirmed by the developers sixteen years ago.


You can examine the three statues for some backstory, if you can figure out the order to read them.
Left Statue: The birth of magic... 3 goddesses were banished here. In time they began quarreling, which led to all-out war. Those unlucky humans who got in the way were transformed into Espers, and used as living war machines...
Right Statue: The goddesses finally realized that they were being laughed at by those who had banished them here. In a rare moment of mutual clarity, they agreed to seal themselves away from the world. With their last ounce of energy they gave the Espers back their own free will, and then transformed themselves... ...into stone. Their only request was that the Espers keep them sealed away for all eternity.
Top Statue: The Espers created these statues as a symbol of their vow to let the goddesses sleep in peace. The Espers have sworn to keep the goddesses’ power from being abused.


A little further on we find the first place it’s really possible to get at all lost in this dungeon. Each of these squares will collapse if the party steps on them, sending you to a different path.

While I’m trying to decide which path to take first, a random battle gets Terra to level 26 and teaches her Warp, a 20 MP spell that lets you escape from battles or dungeons.


Fall through a hole and you’ll end up on this network of hillocks and bridges; on each path if you want to try again you can hop off the little broken bridge at the bottom and return to the path right before the statue room. Take the right hole and you’ll find an X-Potion; the top hole leads you to Chocobo and Tabby Suits, mediocre armors for Relm and Strago that give you a point or two more defense and some other small stat boosts over Gaia Gear in exchange for hits to Magic Defense and no Earth absorption.



The bottom hole puts you on a straight path to the dungeon end. You can see the Esper at the bottom of the screen before triggering this scene, so if you want to explore you can guess you’re about to start a story scene and head back to the bridge room to try a different path. Anyway, as the Espers close in on our heroes after Relm was poking one of them...
Strago: What about you?
Terra: I didn’t think they’d look so...
Locke: Gramps, take Relm and clear outta here!
[STRAGO and RELM head for the exit, but come right back with two ESPERS behind them. The three adults surround RELM and prepare to throw down.]
YURA: Halt!


[TERRA glows blue.]
Locke: I wonder if she’s gonna go ballistic again?!
[TERRA glows several more times, brighter and lasting longer each time.]
YURA: You’re somehow different... I sense a familiar power radiating from you...
Terra: Yes.
Strago: You’re the Espers that fled through the sealed gate?
YURA: As a rule, we are not allowed to visit to your world. We few had gathered near the gate, and were wondering how we could save the Espers that had been kidnapped. It was just a coincidence that Terra appeared when she did...
Terra: I felt... your presence... through the gate.
YURA: We bolted the moment Terra opened the gate. But once in your world, we lost control of our powers. [He turns away and lowers his head.] We completely leveled a city...and took some innocent lives...
Terra: That’s what happened to me! I lost all control of my power...
Strago: There must be something in your world that allows you to focus your power differently. You must use caution while in our world...
YURA [facing the PARTY again]: We are deeply sorry to have caused you humans such suffereing and pain.
Locke: The past is history. The Empire seems to want to talk peace with you. Why not come with us?
YURA: They would forgive us so easily?
Locke: Let’s go to Thamasa and talk with General Leo.
Terra: Right!
One fade out/fade in later....


LEO: Locke...you’re back! And you’ve made the Espers understand our desire for peace!
[The PARTY moves down so LEO and the ESPERS can see each other.]
LEO: I am General Leo. May I have your name, please?
YURA: I am called Yura. We have done something inexcusable to your people. This probably isn’t the time or place to ask for your forgiveness, but...
LEO: Speak no further. It is we who owe you an apology. We hungered for your power... How close we came to re-enacting the War of the Magi!!!
YURA: We must put this all behind us.
Locke [moves to talk to CELES]: I believe our job is finally over! I, for one, could use some peace and quiet...
Celes: Let's return to Vector.
Locke: Celes...
Celes [looks away]: Please, not another word.


Yeah, Locke, I’m confused too. Wait... I recognize that laugh....


[KEFKA stands up and keeps laughing.]
KEFKA: Hee, hee...! How ’bout a little Magitek mayhem!

[LEO checks on TERRA, then confronts KEFKA face to face.]
LEO: Kefka! What ARE you doing?!
KEFKA: G'ha, ha, ha! Emperor's orders! I'm to bring the Magicite remains of these Espers to his excellency! Behold! A Magicite mother lode!!


[YURA’s Magicite flies to KEFKA’s hands. KEFKA repeats the process with the other two ESPERS on screen.]
KEFKA: Idiots! [He approaches the M.TEK SOLDIERS behind him.] I don't care for the appearance of this pitiful little hamlet... So burn it!!
[The SOLDIERS spread out and the screens starts flashing red.]
LEO: Kefka! No!
KEFKA: Shut up!


[LEO is knocked down by the force of the laser. KEFKA jumps on his apparent corpse, but LEO stands up, under the player’s control.]


Homina. We can’t match those stats right now - maybe the Battle Power if someone’s using the Genji Glove and two good weapons (or Locke using Atma Weapon and the Capture bug), but otherwise those are better than we can do at the moment.


A shame we can’t mess with his equipment or Relics. Anyway, our first stop as Leo is to take out these jokers in the M.tek who are tearing up Thamasa.


Oh God, another Guardian. Not even the badass Leo can scratch these guys yet, so we have to run.
LEO: No. I won’t let this happen!


Leo’s special command is Shock, which is an all-target attack that deals major damage – around 1800 at this point in the game. He also has a late-game relic called the Offering that changes Fight so that it does four randomly targeted attacks at reduced damage. Those four attacks together only add up to ~1300 damage and are just normal sword swings, so it’s a rare person who depends on that rather than Shock.


Kefka’s far more impressive this go-round, with Bio actually being the weakest of his spells. He also throws around third tier elemental spells with abandon. Fortunately, with a 61% magic evade Leo doesn’t let many through and it takes only a few Shocks to send Kefka packing.

KEFKA: Ah... ...Leo... ...always the consummate solder... ...
LEO: Where are you, Kefka... ... Show yourself!!
KEFKA: E M P E R O R G E S T A H L... ... I need you here... ...


LEO: My liege! [He kneels to one side of GESTAHL.]
“I'm sorry I deceived even you, Leo. My purpose has been to gather Magicite, and grow powerful... ... Please understand me... ...”
LEO [standing]: But, Emperor...!
GESTAHL: Don't say anything. [LEO kneels again] I understand how you feel.
KEFKA: Uwee, hee, hee... ... That's right! What we have to do now is to collect Magicite!
LEO: But my liege... ...what have I been fighting for...?
GESTAHL: Leo, I'd like you to take a nice long snooze...! Very long! Uwa, ha!


[KEFKA replaces GESTAHL in a puff of smoke.]
LEO: !!!
KEFKA: So... ...you think you hit me?! That was simply my shadow! And how did you like my Gestahl? I should've been on the stage! Well, General... ...


[KEFKA pounces on LEO’s back, knocking him to the ground.]
KEFKA: You're such a goody two-shoes!
LEO: Shut up, Kefka! I oughtta... ...
KEFKA: Oh! A threat...? You're such a violent little brute! I'll tell your “liege” I had to exterminate a traitor...! [The screen flashes red and LEO disappears while KEFKA laughs.] Hate... ...hate... ...HATE!!


[After KEFKA takes a moment to toss LEO’s corpse around a bit, the screen starts flashing colors.]
KEFKA: Whoa! Yes, I feel some incredible Magic power here, today! Wave after wave of pure, magical energy...


[A number of ESPERS we’ve already seen fly out of the gate.]
“Wait! We're here to help!”
“Hurry!”
“Get going!”
[We’re treated to yet another Esper’s-eye-view sequence of flying around the world in Mode 7 that looks neat in motion but can’t be captured by screenshots very well, ending with a zoom in on Thamasa.]


KEFKA: Say, remind me to show you my Magicite collection someday! You might see a few familiar faces!!! Now for a little Magicite hocus-pocus...! First, let's neutralize your abilities.


If there’s a story explanation why Kefka killed his own loyalists here, I don’t know it. I assume it was to clear up memory for all the upcoming sprites and/or to make him look even more psychotic.
KEFKA: Now, little Espers... Let's see whatcha got!
Kefka sends out several sparks of magic that each return as Magicite.


The ESPERS’ counterattack doesn’t faze Kefka in the slightest.
KEFKA: Eh!? You wanna take me on? Fine. Here I am...

The Esper tries all three tiers of Fire on Kefka, but the clown’s shield blocks all of them, turning a different pretty color for each one.
KEFKA: Imagine! Thinking you could defeat ME!! This is rich! Mwa, ha, ha! Now, my little Magicite pretties... ...come, and help me build the magical empire of “Kefka”!


[The void closes on the ESPER and only a piece of Magicite is left.] How come X-Zone doesn’t do that when you use it?
KEFKA [picking up the Magicite]: G'haw, haw... ... Ooh! They're warm to the touch! What treasures!
KEFKA: This is ridiculous! I had no idea you were such wimps! Time to put a stop to all of this.


KEFKA: Phew... I think I have plenty of Magicite for the time being... that is, until I make my way through your precious sealed gate!! [KEFKA tweaks.] I don't believe this!
With that final, inexplicable line (maybe he’s just that shocked by how easily he got the Magicite he’s still muttering about it?) Kefka leaves Thamasa in a fade out. When the screen comes back...

[TERRA steps forward to place flowers in front of the grave and steps back.]
Terra: People only seem to want power. Do they really want to be like me? I...I wanted to learn so much more from you...


Locke: We not only lost Leo, but Shadow, too... Curse the Empire! [He kneels next to INTERCEPTOR then stands, looking downcast.] This'll have to do...
Celes: He was so gentle...
Relm [hugging INTERCEPTOR]: I'll go with you.
Locke: Now I'm worried about Edgar and the others...
Terra: I wish I could say they were safe...


Cyan: Thanks to Edgar, we escaped before anything bad happened...
Locke: Way to go, Edgar!
Edgar: I got to know the gal who brought us tea. After a while, she just blurted out the whole crooked plan. [He laughs.]
Sabin: So... you finally hit pay dirt, eh?
Edgar [wagging his finger]: Watch your mouth! There're ladies present! I was a perfect gentleman.
Locke: General Leo's gone... Kefka did him in...
Cyan: Sir Leo?! Gone?! What a waste... He was their finest soldier...
Edgar: We need to rethink our plans. Let's return to the airship.
Strago: May I accompany you?
Edgar: Who're you?
Locke: He's one of this town's citizens.
Terra: He's descended from the Mage Warriors of yore... I think he can be a big help.


Strago: We must expect the Empire to flex its new-found muscle soon.
Relm: Me too!
Strago: I don't think so.
Sabin [steps forward]: Yeah, right kid!
Relm [confronts SABIN]: What? Who is this puffed-up aerobics instructor, anyway?
Sabin: Kid's got quite a lip!

Why couldn’t they use this sprite for all the times she’s sulking in the corner?
“Uwaaa! S...stop!”
Strago: All right all ready! If you insist...
Relm: That's better!
Sabin: Let's go!
[Everyone but EDGAR walks off screen. RELM returns to him.]


[EDGAR puts a palm to his forehead.]
Relm: I'm coming along, too. [She leaves.]
Edgar [staring down at his shoes]: You've grown up entirely too fast! Lighten up, okay!?
Excellent advice for all of us, Edgar. Maybe less so for those of us in our mid-20s, living with our parents with nothing to do but LP old RPGs.

Well, let’s give the party some time to plot and plan. See you back here next week, folks.

!
I had no idea you could talk to the statues for more backstory!

To this day I'm still not sure if the relevance of that one room where you fight Ultros. What are those golden thingies anyway? They're clearly not THE statues. Are they magical artifacts? Do they have the history engraved on them? Are they the real Statues original pedastals? It seems like it should be a place of particular plot significance but.. it's just not. Perhaps Sky Render can shed some light on it.

Also I am disappointed you didn't get a shot of Leo's surprised sprite. It's such a goofy expression for such an otherwise serious character.

They're symbols of the goddesses and the vow the Espers made to protect them, in a place where the Espers (and apparently anyone who feels like it and can handle the random encounters) can go check them out without needing to bug the actual goddesses, or even know where they are.

Think of it as similar to the Vietnam Veterans Memorial Wall - an object you can visit to pay your respects by proxy without actually visiting their graves.

My update will be a bit late today. Have some real-life things to take care of first. Expect illumination!

Wait, what? Relm is taller than Strago?

I hadn't noticed that before, but now it bugs me.

Part XIX - Twisting the Plot Away

I'm just not going to comment on the PSN today and go straight into the recap. So last time our intrepid heroes boarded a boat full of metal monstrosities to find the Eidolons on an island said to still harbor the power of magic, and were shocked to discover that they had arrived on an island that still harbored the power of magic. I don't think we're dealing with Harvard material here, folks. Anyway, one of the locals has kindly offered to help them infiltrate the nearby cave where the Eidolons probably went.



♪♪ Mt. Colts ♪♪

Thamasa Cave
Enemies: Bonnacon, Adamancarry, Poison Bennu, Mandrake, Land Geryon

(Wow, we're getting a lot more mythological lately for monsters, huh?)

The first goody in here is a favorite of those magic-fearing types who ignore their magic rocks full of dead otherworldly entities. I will be summarily ignoring it for the rest of the game because I'm just that awesome.



Of course Relm followed us. Naughty little girl!



I think you can see Baren Falls from here! Either that, or there's an unnamed waterfall just beyond this cave that nobody ever mentions.



Relm's a bad girl, yes she is.



She's been spotted! We're on to you now, Relm! Come back here for your butt-swats!



Oh my, Relm has led us somewhere unexpected.

The images of the Three Gods of Battle!?"
Tina "Three Gods of Battle?"
*Lock walks up and leans down to check the statues as Strago calms down*
Lock "There are some letters carved on the back of these idols."
*Lock walks down and Strago faces him*
Lock "Say, old man, what can you tell us about these Three Gods of Battle?"



Looks like we have an eavesdropper! Wait, how did Relm get behind us when she was ahead of us before?

Lock "So they could be called the Gods of Magic?"
Strago "You could say that, yes."
*Tina walks up and looks down at the idols as Lock steps nearer and both he and Strago watch her*
TIna "I can feel their magic power..."
Strago "The Three Gods of Battle are also the Gods of Magic. They could almost be considered the Lords of the Eidolons. The Eidolons upheld their traditions, and placed these three idols of the Three Gods of Battle here, to protect this holy place from being defiled. If they came here, this is where they would be."

Well I don't see anyone else here, so I guess this whole trip was a bust. Time to go!



Didn't we just establish that they're not here?

*Lock rubs his head a bit*
Lock "By the way, old man, what happened to the Three Gods of Battle after the Eidolons were freed?"
Strago "It is said that the Three Gods of Battle sealed one another's powers after the battle, and trapped themselves in an eternal sleep. Legend has it that they're beyond the Sealed Gate."
*Tina steps closer to the others*
Tina "So, perhaps the barrier around the Sealed Gate leading to the Eidolon World is powered by the magic of the Three Gods of Battle?"
*Lock nods twice*
Lock "That's quite a tale."
Tina "If the Eidolons were drawn to the power of the statues, they must be further in the cave, right...?"

Oh. I guess that was just more clumsy translation work on my behalf, then. Raise your hand if you're surprised.



That looks as likely as anything. And vaguely ominous, too.

*The screen pans back to the trio*
Lock "Let's go."
*They regroup, and Relm blinks, then runs off*



Those who got in their way were
transformed into Eidolons,
and forced to fight for them.
The battle between the three continued
for a long time...

Finally, after centuries of battling
one another, the three realized that
they were not accomplishing anything.
In a rare moment of mutual agreement,
they sealed each other in stone, neutralizing
one another's powers, and freed the
Eidolons from their bonds to them.
They formed the "Eternal Seal",
and entrusted the Eidolons
to protect it for all time.

In order to prevent the tragedies that
the three gods instigated before, and to
prevent their power from being tampered
with, these three idols were crafted.
The long sleep of the Gods of Battle
must not be disrupted, or the world
may again be destroyed...

Great Scott, this is heavy... Hopefully there aren't any ambitious self-proclaimed Emperors around to find this information out and misuse it.



Oh Goddamn it, Orthros!

*Orthros checks out the group, then hops on Lock for a moment just for good measure*
*Orthros slithers up to the Statues*



Dude, I think Orthros is mugging the camera there.

*Orthros slithers around the statues, hopping up and down somehow*
Orthros "Oh, they're so shiny, so beautifully shiny! Now, I just have to carry them out!"
*The party gets up and shakes out the cobwebs*



Orthros "You know what they say, 'Third time's a charm'!"

This guy doesn't know when to quit!