Xenosaga: Was mi�riert

ok i found mine. I'm a bit ahead of you guys. sorry for bad crop too
e: let me resize

The captures are appreciated. So, yeah, apparently earning Ziggy's gnosis nail doesn't impact your levels like I would expect, only marginally. Don't know whether to laugh or cry...

Previously on Xenosaga: Margulis found out his life was a lie, Canaan admitted his life was a lie, and Pellegri said good-bye.



It’s 20:39, we just beat Voyager, and it’s time to venture deeper into the abyss that is the final dungeon of Xenosaga.



If we check out Voyager’s final resting place (uh, he was vaporized, so maybe this doesn’t count?), we’ll find a shaft that is currently unusable. This is an elevator that is unfortunately parked at its bottom, and, were this shaft usable, we’d be able to skip a whole lot of dungeon. Boy, wouldn’t it be nice if these ESes could fly?



So we’re stuck exploring the rear of the cathedral, and there are a few enemies lurking about. I guess these guys were all in hiding during the Voyager battle.



Three ESes, six opponents. Do we even have the slightest of excuses for why we can’t use a four-bot ES party?



The east side of the cathedral offers an opportunity to leave the mechs and grab a treasure, but it’s otherwise a dead end.



The west side has an elevator… but no power.



So let’s turn on the power at a switch all of three feet away from the elevator.



This also opens the front door, so you no longer have to take the extra thirty seconds to walk all the way around that rubble. This cathedral reeks of padding and old people.



Okay, time to take this west side elevator. Guess we’ll get that central elevator going a little later.



As Ziggy warned us last time, there’s an entire Zohar research facility beneath the “cover” of the cathedral. Pied Piper made it pretty clear that the First Church of the Blessed Zohar was an actual, operating church like we’d see in modern times, so I’m currently looking for some Xenosaga fanfic that features Gladys, the old lady with a Jell-O mold that got frightfully separated from her bridge group.



The first area of Isolated Research Facility features a couple different elevators that lead to a couple different paths. One elevator leads to the exit from the place, and the others lead to… pretty much just tedium.



First elevator: dead end, turn around. Thanks for wasting my time!



The far east elevator leads to an on-foot segment.



We can’t reach that giant ES treasure chest yet…



But we can flip a switch to open a door that will grant us access later.



I want to say the proper elevator is the one that is second from the far right, but I might be misremembering a screenshot I took like seven seconds ago. This area is that boring!



Speaking of which, the right path immediately leads to a locked door.



So we’ve got to exit the ESes and creep around the catwalks.



This area is meant for the ESes, but it has an on-foot segment. To account for the comparatively GIANT environment that fits the ESes, the on-foot segments of this room are all on super-fast conveyer belts. We saw a similar “cheat” on the Merkabah, and, well, at least someone is thinking about how much time in this game is wasted puttering around.



We can preview the upcoming ES area while we’re conveying around. Note that this walkway doesn’t contain any monsters, and we haven’t seen any on-foot battles since this entire dungeon started.



There are some treasures to find if you feel like exploring this whole area, though.



The trick here is that you have to hit a switch while zooming along at top speed on a conveyer belt. It’s fairly easy to do what you need to do, but it is one of the few Xenosaga “puzzles” that requires reflexes.



Blast the switch properly, and a conveyer belt will switch directions so you can access a switch and finally unlock the ES door that halted our progress earlier.



And we’re free!



Back to ES battling. You know, this could have been clever if the conveyer section gave us a better view of a “maze” environment, or warned us about encroaching difficult monsters, or something. As it is, the whole “leave the ESes” experience just feels like a waste of time in an already overcrowded dungeon. Did the designers think we’d forget Shion and friends were riding around in those ESes?

CONTINUED NEXT POST

Now we’re facing enemy parties of seven. Again, we can only “target” five monsters at a time, so even our super kill everybody attacks leave two creatures standing. Tiiiiime waaaaaasting.



May as well take some extra time to retrieve that treasure we unlocked earlier. It’s a weapon for MOMO! And we already have a better one! Hoosuck!



You can just about see this area in the earlier conveyer screenshot. Another savepoint and shoppoint, so we’ve likely got another boss incoming.



So let’s ignore that and head over to this catwalk.



Locked door, again. Lame.



And a dead end. Double lame.



But another, different catwalk leads to a door unlock switch. It unlocks that giant door by the savepoint, but not the other, slightly less giant door by the savepoint.



And explore a little bit from there…



To find a mysterious room…



That seems vaguely reminiscent of Final Fantasy 7.



Each of the terminals have… screens? Or something?... that you must destroy. There’s no “puzzle” or anything here, just jab the square button until something beeps.



And then you’ll receive one of nine info dumps that fill in information on “where are they now” regarding Pied Piper characters. This is likely very interesting for people that played and enjoyed Pied Piper, and very confusing for everybody else (like all of North America).



Most of the terminals give information on complete randos. There is no new information regarding Ziggy/Jan, Voyager/Erich, or Canaan/Lactis. However, one of the terminals covers Melisse Ortus, Ziggy’s old underling that narrated Pied Piper and eventually went on to found Scientia. Seriously, this is the only interesting bit of information in this entire room. The rest is basically “Wilhelm used to have a secretary”.



I wasn’t kidding!



After reading all the terminals, a door materializes in the back of the room.



And then we get a Database Update that fills in ALL of the Pied Piper data. And that’s it. The entire point of this room is to expand on information found in a videogame we never got to play, but makes no effort to explain the extra information necessary for any of this to make sense in the game we’re actually playing. For anywhere outside Japan, this room is just a mandatory for a sidequest pile of nonsense. Ziggy doesn’t even react to anything!



Okay, time to head back to the ESes and get on with the real dungeon.



This is the last new ES room, and it’s pretty lackluster.



You can see the familiar conveyer belt catwalk above, so you know what’s coming.



Whole lot of running around with no monsters. Boring.



You do have to go back to your ESes and fix a platform, though.



Somehow shooting the hanging pathway repairs the catwalk. Who knew the ESes were so precise?



The only real point to getting up here is acquiring treasure, but at least it’s good treasure. The Life Leech is a ring accessory that adds HP drain to your attacks. Equip it on your biggest bruiser, and suddenly healing between random battles becomes a thing of the past.



The final ES door contains one more puzzle. Can yooooou figure it out?



Yes, just blast panels until everything matches the little guide above the door. Note that you’re supposed to blast the panels that are highlighted above, not blast around the highlighted panels, which was my initial guess. At least this puzzle is vaguely Zohar-themed.

CONTINUED NEXT POST

Well, this room looks important.



Just this room, Allen? Not, like, the entire Isolated Research Facility?



We’ve got a giant indentation where it looks like there used to be a Zohar, and a big ol’ mech standing in front of it.



Hi, Margulis.



As ever, the rest of the party simply doesn’t matter to Margulis.



Hi, Jin.



“Look at the remains of a dream. The final product of human intelligence, human technology that can surpass even God. The end result of desire for forbidden power. The very definition of a nightmare.”

Er-hem: Nightmare – noun - a terrifying dream in which the dreamer experiences feelings of helplessness, extreme anxiety, sorrow, etc. Nothing about forbidden power in there, Jerkulis.



Don’t encourage him, Jin!



Margulis basically laments his sorry lot in choosing the worst sect of Christianity since Hityourselfinthefaceism.



Margulis admits that he never really had faith, he just really liked the idea of dying for a cause. Jin points out that creating a suicide cult maybe isn’t the most pious thing in the universe.



“The dead can’t eat pie. You want some?”



Technically you weren’t abandoned, Margulis. Wilhelm said you were worthy to die to… Oh, okay, maybe abandonment would be better.



“My life sucks, but at least I didn’t kill my ex-girlfriend.”



Alright, I’m being glib, but there’s a lot of actual meaning to wring from Margulis’s little rant here. Absolutely nothing, factually, has changed about Margulis’s faith: he still comes from a line of people who protected the Zohar for ages, he still has “secret” knowledge about Lost Jerusalem (aka Earth) and the immigration of the human race, and, heck, he even got distinct confirmation that Jesus was a real dude with magical powers. But he also discovered that his distinct faith was all a premeditated plan by some freaky albino German. Is your faith still your faith even if it was created for the wrong reasons? Margulis is of the opinion that it’s not. It’s something to contemplate as I eat this shellfish and pork salad.



Yeah, come on dude, your entire life is a lie. Join the good guys!



Margulis just really, really wants to kill Jin. Faith wavers, revenge is eternal.



Jin makes a cute point about his own tendency to bolt when things get tough. This is kind of an informed trait, though, as we’ve been told Jin is a loser from the moment Shion first mentioned him, but Jin has been completely loyal to the party since he joined. He even distinctly “arrived” for every Margulis fight since XS2 stated.



“And sword measuring.”



“We weren’t even trying!”



Just keep pouring on the slash bait, Margulis.



Ah ha ha ha. No.



ES Levi! Guess what, boys and girls, this is the last ES fight in the game! With the exception of (optional) Omega ID, this is the absolute final time we’ll be fighting anybody in our ES crafts. As you might expect, this battle is kind of difficult as a result. It’s not that rough, but you do at least have to keep an eye on things.



First of all, like Voyager and Omega ID, Margulis is prone to counterattacking everything.



And he’s got armor! Voyager and Omega ID both had a trick for switching their weaknesses, but Margulis is a little more complicated.



When Vajra Armor is equipped, Margulis becomes resistant to everything. He’s not completely immune to all attacks, but nothing does as much damage as it would normally. We’ll get to the “solution” in a moment.

CONTINUED NEXT POST

But first, Jin and Margulis have to yell at each other.



It’s an ES battle, so get ready for your opponent to use that Anima Awakening ability against you.



And then hit like a truck.



And here’s Margulis’s special attack. Like Voyager and Omega ID (and even Richard), you HAVE to defend when this is incoming, because here’s Margulis cutting off more than Jin’s max HP. Also, it can’t be a mistake that he targeted Jin first.



Okay, back to the armor: when you use a special attack, the armor will “crack”.



So whatever element you used with the special attack will then become a weakness (not just “normal”, an actual “hammer for extra damage” weak point). This means you want to use special attacks with elements that are shared amongst your party. Beam and Fire are safe bets, while Ice and Thunder are only involved in one or two attacks. Note that Margulis may reinstall his shield at any time, so it’s not just a matter of using one ES’s attacks.



No you don’t. I barely remember our attacks.



Eventually he’ll go down. I actually came pretty close to losing this battle, because I thought Margulis had some super final attack that I wanted to capture… but nope. Just dragged out the battle for nothing.



I don’t think I mentioned it before now, but even if an ES character dies, they still get EXP. This is just confirmation, as we all watched Jin die, and here he is leveling up.



One last swordfight for the road? Sure.



Why did we even bother with the last battle?



And we finish up with the Ninja Gaiden signature “rush through each other” sword slash.



Remember how Shion/Jin’s grandfather taught Margulis and Jin his amazing sword techs that can somehow summon fireballs and ice blasts? We’re not going to explore that at all.



And don’t you forget it.



He said to the guy that has been surrounded by The Brews for the last year.



Really? Nobody on the team that is a warrior trying to get beyond a tragic past and live a peaceful existence with an adopted daughter? Nobody?



Margulis is ready for round two! Or round 42… These guys have fought a lot.



Jin couldn’t convince Pellegri to stop fighting, so he’s gotta know he doesn’t have a prayer with Margulis. He’s probably just going through the motions to be nice.



Dude has got his sword in his cockpit. That can’t be safe.




“No! Never! It's all right. This is my wish. I have lived to settle the score with you. At this moment, I am not going to... lose to you!”

Wow, looks like we’re going to get a second battle. I better get my…



Oh, wait, no. Never mind. Guess he exploded.



Sad Jin.



Let us now mourn the death of Margulis.

Margulis is actually an abnormality in the Xenosaga cast: he gets more interesting in his final 15 minutes of fame. As has been pointed out repeatedly, a number of XS characters started with complex backstories that either came to nothing (Mary & Shelley, Yuriev) or finished well before the actual final game (Ziggy, MOMO). Margulis bucks the trend by being introduced as a generic kind of menacing boss character, and then spending 2.5 games sulking around and tormenting the party (okay, mostly just Jin). Finally, in his last featured appearances, he finds out that his entire life’s philosophy is a lie, and actually displays a few more dimensions than “clearly a sub boss”. (I mean, seriously, did anyone ever think Margulis would be the last man standing? Dude screams “underling” more than Richard and Hermann.)

This leads me to believe that, unlike a number of characters in the cast, the XS writers never quite knew what Margulis’s final end might be. Okay, yes, his final duel with Jin was inevitable from the start of XS2, but his closing crisis of faith contrasts nicely with some themes we’ll see on greater display toward the end of this massive dungeon, and… Xenosaga isn’t usually that coherent. Do you even remember Yuriev’s fatal flaw at this point? The fact that Margulis so appropriately ties into the greater finale seems almost like a happy accident, and, at this point in the Xenosaga LP, “accident” makes me think this wasn’t nearly as premeditated as other character arcs.

So, ultimately, Margulis’s end serves the rest of the story better than Margulis himself. Margulis was always a second banana, and, even in death, he serves to subtly reinforce other peoples’ stories.

Always the first big boss, never the last.



And, as per tradition, Margulis’s Anima Relic exits the ES Levi for greener pastures.

CONTINUED NEXT POST

Since ES Dan is dead, the Anima Relic is recovered by a red ES. Will we fight this ES next? Actually, no. Oh well.



Bye red ES! Thanks for stopping by!



What’s that, Shion’s Pendant? Do you have something to say?



So, funny story. My mother stopped by the house while I was recording this. She seems to find some excuse to stop by my home like once a week, and, come on, mom, I’m like thirty, leave me alone. I briefly considered explaining to her that I can’t deal with you right now, I’m playing a video game for the Internet right now, and I really can’t be disturbed. Then I figured that that explanation alone would require another half hour of explanation, so I just it go, and had the game sit on this one dialogue box while I entertained for ten minutes or so. I like to imagine that, in universe, everyone just took a really long time to consider whether or not to reply to Allen.



Anyway, remember how we were looking for the Zohar? Well, I think Shion’s got a lead.



Hey, that one door opened! The plot keeps making it seem like the party is wandering around lost, but it’s all just locked doors and straightforward hallways...



Gee, could he be piloting a red ES?



I like Junior’s assessment here. “May actually be there” is basically “What have we got to lose?”



After the battle, you may find Margulis’s ejected sword stuck in the floor. This unlocks Jin’s final special attack, Lightning Waltz, one of two special attacks that are learned through an “event” (the rest are just level ups). Note that Pellegri’s signature element was lightning (Jin is ice, Margulis was fire), so Jin is honoring her memory. D’aww.



Oh, now we can run that elevator, too.



Shortcut back to the cathedral entrance. Yay for potentially saving time on a return trip. Also, good to finally solve the mystery of how to transport a Zohar downstairs.



But for now let’s go back to the save hub and get ready to leave our ESes forever.

Actually, let’s talk about the ol’ giant robots for a moment. The ESes? I don’t think they ever worked.

The ESes were certainly better than the AGWS of XS1 (remember those?). The idea of making the giant robots optional never really worked, because they were either too overpowered (thus forcing the boss to inevitably have a powerful AGWS-counter move) or far too fragile. Recall that if you “died” in an AGWS, there were no revival options, which paired very poorly with XS1’s aversion to pre-boss savepoints. Want to lose an hour of progress? Try an AGWS!

Then came the ESes of XS2. First of all, making ESes mandatory through ES “areas” was a godsend, and no longer skewed the entire battle system to “account” for the potential destructive power of AGWS. Additionally, the ES battle system was more akin to XS1’s “simple” battles than XS2’s “a random battle takes five minutes of weak point juggling” on-foot segments. That’s good, too! The ESes are looking good!

Unfortunately, the drawbacks of the ESes were quickly evident. For one thing, either due to the needlessly massive ES dungeons or some sort of zoomed out camera work, ESes always felt slower than on-foot exploration. It was immediately obvious from the introduction of the ES Asher during the prelude of XS2, as we just watched a really cool cutscene featuring the Asher flying and zooming and tumbling through the air… and now let’s slowly walk across a random street. Lame. Additionally, ES battles only allowed two craft to participate in a battle at a time, and healing was severely limited. This wasn’t too much of a bother in the minute-to-minute gameplay, but for the tougher bosses and secret areas, it felt like you were always handicapped throughout every battle. This is not how a giant robot battle should feel!

XS3 made slight improvements on the ES front. The massive Anima-fueled Special Attacks of the ESes do help the player to feel like they’re actually piloting a colossal, destructive mech. Additionally, adding in a “full” three person (‘bot) battle party and easy access to healing goes a long way to making ES fights more manageable. Unfortunately, again, ES overworld traversal is snail-speed, and the glut of monsters you’ll fight in the average ES battle (literally more monsters than you’re allowed to target) means that every trip to ES land makes the game slow down to a crawl.

And that’s terrible!

And don’t even get me started on having to pump all available cash into ESes so they’ll “level up” to dungeon-appropriate specs…

Look, you dig giant robots, I dig giant robots, we dig giant robots, and chicks dig giant robots. But the potential of giant robots has always been that you suddenly become a gargantuan destructive force than can circumvent the globe in twelve seconds and then wield skyscrapers like nunchucks. The ESes seem to satisfy that need… but only in cutscenes. In practice, the ESes are slow and anti-fun. So, good try, Monolithsoft, maybe next time you could make a game where your flying mechs actually fly and allow you to tackle increasingly impossibly huge monsters. Let me know when you make that game. Maybe put an X on it to mark the spot.



Now we’re back to that previously locked door, and it’s time to head down to the L-10 Special Classified Area. There’s a secret facility beneath the secret facility beneath a cathedral? Man, we’re going to eventually wind up at the center of the planet, aren’t we?



The Special Classified Area is vaguely Tron-y and still pretty hi-tech. We’ll also find our first on-foot battles of the final dungeon down here.



Wall-to-wall gnosis, as you probably expected. See those weird little red things at the right? Those creatures appeared in The Song of Nephilim way back in XS1, and they were identified as biological entities at the time (presumably escaped science experiments). Now they’re designated as gnosis. Just a fun fact.



Time to dance that Lightning Waltz. Nothing too complicated here.



And more straightforward hallways to explore.



There’s this very locked door…



But next door is a command room…



And the prerequisite switch of the area.



In XS1, XS2, and now XS3 there has been some massive unlocking door standing between the party and the Zohar (or at least a Zohar emulator). I do like the consistency that the Zohar is kept under about a thousand locks and keys. Do not touch.



Beyond the door, the area starts to get a little more organic. This place is a lot more like a cave, albeit one that has already been equipped with guardrails.



Here’s MOMO’s last Special “Attack”. It costs three bars of boost and it buffs the party. No “attack” involved. I’m sure there’s a situation where that’s useful, but you’re probably better off conserving that boost for emergency healing or attacks that will actually end the battle faster.



At the end of the cave area, there’s a precipice that drops off to a big, pulsing light ball. Huh. Wonder how we inevitably get down there.



Yeah, I definitely know where we’re going.

CONTINUED NEXT POST

There is some cash here, though. I like to think some scientist dropped his wallet here about a century ago, and now we’re going to use that dough to buy weapons for robots.



Wander around a little more, and here’s a new savepoint (and shop). There’s also a trolley that will take us down to the glowy bits.



Going down?



Still a little bit of walking until we’re sucked into the ridiculous luminescence. There are a few more monsters along the way.



Here we are! Does entering such a thing ever seem like a good idea outside of a JRPG?



Underground Ruins, eh? Michtam couldn’t just be the planet that last housed the Zohar? It had to contain some kind of magical ruins beneath the planet’s surface? Of course.



The gimmick of this portion of the dungeon is that there are these angled walls, and you may only go down one path at a time. Your task is to angle all these walls so you have a straight path to the exit (or treasure).



Hey, the Elemental Numbnuts gnosis are back! Three for three Xenosaga games!



Oh boy, stuff!



It’s a piece of armor for Jin that is actually worse than a robe we could buy the dude at the start of the chapter. Glad I took the time to find that treasure!



But there’s also a Gustav Neck hiding in this area, and that’s quite useful. The extra boost is very convenient for practically everything, but there are also a few final special attacks that require more than 3 boost levels. Can’t even use those attacks without an accessory like this.



One such Special Attack is Ziggy’s Intruder… which isn’t all that impressive. I guess it’s Ziggy utilizing the new arm he got after XS2? It does some good damage, at least.



The second section of Underground Ruins is pretty much a straight line with some monsters. No moving walls needed.



There is a savepoint off to the side, though. XS3 is getting pretty generous with these refill stations.



22:07 now. We started this update at 20:39, and the entire dungeon at 19:41. Were you aware this was a long dungeon?



And, after a few gnosis battles, we’re at a big, ominous door.



What could be behind this door?



We’ll find out… next time.

Next time on Xenosaga: Every time I look at you
I don't understand
Why you let the things you did
Get so out of hand
You'd have managed better
If you'd had it planned
Now why'd you choose such a backward time
And such a strange land?

Oh boy oh boy oh boy. <3

Some years ago, I dated a woman that was a marathon runner. It didn't matter if it was August or January, if there was a local (or even remotely local) marathon happening, she was in it. And these weren't short little "fun runs", these were marathons that were grueling gauntlets that usually lasted all day. I believe the story was that she got started in track in high school, and then never gave it up. When she wasn't actually in a marathon, she trained constantly "to relax", and would often come home... broken. It became a point of contention in our relationship, because I was seriously concerned that she was doing lifelong damage to her body. We were both in our 20s, but some intense training sessions would see her practically immobile for the next day. I was concerned, but she kept writing it off as "just part of the hobby". At one point when she was practically incapacitated from a particularly difficult run, I asked her why she kept doing this to herself. Her response, everything about it, is still burned into my mind:

"Sometimes you feel like you're going to die, like you're just going to collapse right there. Sometimes it's like your entire body is going to give out, and that's it, you'll never get up again. But then you see that finish line, and you might not be first, you might even be last, but when you see that finish line, nothing else matters, and it all feels completely worth it. I've never felt anything else like that, and I wouldn't give it up for anything."

Anyway, don't know why I decided to mention that. Probably just wanted to brag about that time I dated a girl that liked going outside.

Previously on Xenosaga: Margulis is dead. Hey, didn’t he kidnap MOMO at some point? Huh, you might think she would have reacted to his death… Or Albedo’s… Or… Never mind. Let’s just move on.



Okay, so we’re following Shion’s pendant, which basically lit up in one general direction like a half hour ago. I think we’re just following the only way forward and hoping for the best.



So you know, this update is rated B for Bonkers for broad religious themes, breasts, violence, and breasts that cause violence. You’ve been warned.



Let us begin: The Brews have arrived at an ornate dead end.



And the route is closed due to headaches.



Allen is concerned over Shion’s brain problems, everyone else is just a little upset at having followed a piece of jewelry to nowhere.



Like way back at the Floating Continent, Ziggy discovers those Gideon freaks carved another Bible into the place.



Ziggy! You’re standing on Matthew 28:5! That’s probably not good!



chaos glances over at KOS-MOS for no particular reason.



We’ll come back to this later, but I take this to mean that this entire room is made out of the same material. Right? Doesn’t that means Shion’s pendant is just a chunk of this room, and not something that is wholly unique in the universe? Remember that for later.



Junior just likes to hear himself talk.



“By my calculations, we have at least one cyborg on the team that has proven effective at punching through walls in the past. Permission to piss him off?”



But maybe a headache will help!



“If you’re gonna puke, could you do it on Allen?”



Gotta get that girl a helmet…



Right, when Shion passes out, she talks to U-DO. Hello again, U-DO.



But U-DO has apparently gotten tired of being a weird, magenta swirliness.



So, uh, U-DO is Abel apparently.



This isn’t a “just decided to appear as a form you’d recognize” situation, U-DO has been hanging out with the Federation piloting giant robots for a while. Hey, if I was God, I’d probably chill with unstoppable mechs, too.



U-DO is apparently one of those curious gods that doesn’t quite get humanity. This is pretty consistent with our previous Shion/U-DO conversations.



Or maybe U-DO knows what’s going on, and wants to inflict therapy on poor, lost Shion. U-DO works in mysterious ways.



“Where ever the hell ‘here’ is.”



“That song”? Well, okay, I’ll try. My bologna has a first name, it’s O-S-C-A-R…



So, in the same way that U-DO feels alone because he’s freaking God, Shion believes she’s alone, and the only person that ever understood in the whole of the universe was/is Kevin. That’s not going to end well…



And back to reality.



Shion gets up, and it’s time for a visit from our favorite cryptic ghost.

CONTINUED NEXT POST

“We already knew that! Do you have a portable door we could use?”



… Are we going to have to talk to a nun?



“Is it conveniently someone already in our party of seven people?”



“Nope, can’t think of any women I’m close to. KOS-MOS, can you think of someone?”



“Maybe you could say ‘good morning’ to her? Hint hint.”



So not only is Shion incredibly dense, but thanks to the whole U-DO conversation a minute ago, she’s convinced she’s completely alone, and nobody understands her. She’s like ten seconds away from opening a Hot Topic franchise right here in the center of the planet.



“Shion, there is a stick so far up your ass, I can see it behind your uvula.”



Why didn’t they save you? Seriously? Do you remember when you were kidnapped (because you were an idiot), and the entire party came to rescue you? That was, like, yesterday.



“Shion, I’m the ghost of a twelve year old, and I think you’re being immature.”



“Fine! I’ll save the world! But not cuz you said so! Nya!”



“Get out of the way, stupid” might be the best bit of physical comedy in this game.



Allen comes so close to admitting his feelings.



But walks it back immediately.



Okay, if Shion seems more petulant than usual, it’s because she’s deep in a bout of self-loathing on account of accidently destroying the universe. She hasn’t really had a moment to rest since that information came to light, and it turns out that murdering an entire religious sect isn’t as therapeutic as you might expect.



Allen is convinced there’s a way to make this all better.



But Shion is a little more pessimistic about Allen’s skills. Legitimately, this party has defeated two different doomsday weapons through sheer pluck at this point, so I’m with the wiener on this one.



I like to imagine that Junior is just off camera, wiggling his hands and saying “Draaaaaaama bomb,” to chaos.



Allen knows the competition…



So Shion is like, “Yeah, sure, let’s open this door. Might get me away from these losers.”



Aaaaaand…



Looks vaguely familiar…



Hey, it’s the crypt area from the Floating Landmass, aka Rennes-le-Ch�teau.



Looks a little better than the last time we saw it.



Yeah, this is more like the past… Oh, bother, we’re time traveling again.



Welcome to Earth, Shion.

CONTINUED NEXT POST

So you’ve actually got control in this area, and if you want to skip about and see this happy grove in better times, feel free to look around.



But the only real way forward is a familiar path in the rear of the area.



Down some stairs, and… this place looks familiar.



It’s the same Anima Relic crypt from before, but now it’s literally “from before”.



Hi, distinctive cross that has been appearing since XS1.



Hi, chaos in robes.



Shion, you never have, and I don’t know why you thought that might change now.



chaos gives the usual crypt keeper rigmarole about “I know why you’ve come” and all that riot.



“Is ‘her’ a box? Boxgirl?”



I bet it’s Orgulla.



Shion, brilliant scientist, is surprised to find that a coffin has a lid.



And inside the coffin is… uh… this woman?



I’m, like, robot racist. I don’t recognize KOS-MOS without the blue hair or random metal bits.



“And a lot of the cast because that’s how anime faces work.”



“Kevin probably went back in time at some point and saw her. That makes as much sense as anything else in my life.”



Shion… really likes her robot.



Did you think that whole “awaken her” bit would be anything but completely literal?



Flash… back? Something?



Dude with a beard giving some sort of sermon on a mount of some kind.



Oh my, it is, isn’t it?

Been a while since I did a character introduction. Welp, once more unto the breach…



Jesus Christ is a character not just created for Xenosaga, he’s actually a historical figure! … Well, depending on whom you ask. We’re pretty sure he was an actual guy, but even if he’s just a random construct put together by a dozen or so dudes, he’s still ultimately responsible for a lot of real-world things, such as, but not limited to: Christianity, The Crusades, The Spanish Inquisition, Fox News, and Superman Returns.

According to the Christian Faith (which Xenosaga seemingly follows), Jesus Christ was/is the Son of God, and came to Earth to spread a message of mercy and compassion. This probably wouldn’t have been necessary if God hadn’t spent the last few years turning people to salt or banishing young couples for eating fruit, but, hey, mistakes were made. Jesus spent a good thirty years or so imparting a message of hope and tolerance, and then the local government crucified him in a move that seems a lot more believable after living through 2016. Thanks a lot, Jesus.

Jesus had a variety of God-given abilities. He could revive the dead, dramatically stretch the food & wine budget, and once body slammed Andre the Giant. His greatest accomplishment came at his death, when, after praying to Dad to please not let this happen, he was killed, but came back three days later, fresh as a daisy. To this day, the Western World celebrates this event by bitching about not getting more days off for a holiday that occurs on a Sunday. Surely, Jesus Christ was the King of Kings.

Jesus is probably best known today for his recurring guest spot on The Walking Dead.



Oh, and I guess chaos and Kinda KOS-MOS are both enjoying Jesus’s speech.



And the scene changes to… A static image of Kinda KOS-MOS being upset that someone is leaving? Hm.



Shion feels a kinship with Kinda KOS-MOS.



The scene changes to a happier place with a sadder robot.

CONTINUED NEXT POST

“Let’s be besties!”



See, Shion just needed someone to be in worse shape than her. Kinda KOS-MOS died like six thousand years ago, so that’s worse than accidentally destroying the universe… right?



Hugs!




Deliberately echoing the ending of XS1 and Shion’s completely unreciprocated hug from that scene. All Shion ever wanted was a caring robot.



Kinda KOS-MOS speaks for the first time.



And… back to reality, again.



“Hey, KOS-MOS, good to see those baby blues again. Wait a minute…”



Yes, that whole little headache freakout fantasy actually “happened” or… something? And it officially awakened KOS-MOS’s blue-eyed personality. Let’s call her…



Mary? Okay, that works, T-elos.



Wait a tick… Wait just a… Okay? Okay. So KOS-MOS, super battle android from the future? She is technically an android with the soul of Mary Magdalene? Mary Magdalene, the closest Jesus Christ had to a girlfriend? This whole time, the emotional side of KOS-MOS was a 6,000 year old Biblical figure?

Oh… kay.



I’m gonna say she’s… not going to do that? Right?



So, naturally, a fight scene breaks out. It’s really the only way these two know how to interact.



Rather than just stand around and watch like last time, the rest of the party actually attempts to participate… for all the good it does them.



Even Shion gets into the act.



But T-elos is able to hold the Uzuki siblings at bay with only her knee.



“I want to know who you are! How are both you, and KOS-MOS connected to that woman?”



Here it is in plain English so there’s no debating. Kinda KOS-MOS is Mary Magdalene, who Xenosaga is claiming is straight up Jesus’s paramour.



T-elos is less of an android and more of a cyborg built from the amazingly well-preserved corpse of Mary Magdalene, which Kevin retrieved from the crypt during that cinema scene at the start of XS3.



And the soul (“will”) of Mary Magdalene rests within KOS-MOS. You can tell Mary is in control when KOS-MOS has blue eyes.

Yes! This is happening!



The soul of Mary Magdalene is capable of some pretty sweet jumpkicks.



T-elos asserts that, as the body, she is the real Mary Magdalene.

(… Ya know, I knew I’d have to type that sentence when I started this LP, but that doesn’t make it any easier.)



So T-elos wants to rip the Mary Soul right out of KOS-MOS. She said as much during their first encounter, but in a slightly more cryptic manner.



Shion’s response is a very understandable, “What? Why?”

CONTINUED NEXT POST

“That’s why I asked!”



Shion is the Maiden of Mary Magdalene! Yes! Of course! Is there anyone that guessed that? “Shion is the most special girl in the universe because she’s the Maiden of Mary Magdalene”. I mean, all the pieces were there.



“Mary's resurrection is what he desires. The convergence of dissipating will, the revival of the soul-- that is Mary's duty.”

Yeah, that’s right there in the Bible. Probably somewhere in the back.



“When Mary fulfills her duty, Zarathustra shall speak!”

You mean Zoroaster? We really can’t rule anything out in this plot, anymore.



And then it’s time for a Mary-on-Mary chaingun fight. Easter's come early, bitches!



T-elos decides to go for the Shion.



“You may very well be the Maiden, but interfere and you will regret it. Do you understand?”

Oh, no! MOMO! Save her!



“You don't have to be afraid. It's all right, I'm not going to kill you for his sake.”

Getting mixed signals here…



So KOS-MOS grabs Shion away, and then starts soaking T-elos energy blasts to protect her maiden.



KOS-MOS is repeatedly being shot in the back, and she asks Shion if she’s all right.



Shion asks what the hell is going on, and KOS-MOS replies that right now she is simultaneously Mary and Not-Mary. Schr�dinger’s Mary.



“Wasn't it you who said that the heart changes, from one moment to the next?”

I went back and checked, and this wasn’t an exact quote, but it’s pretty close to what Shion was talking about two chapters ago when she last needed a KOS-MOS hug. On a side note, KOS-MOS, please don’t learn sensitivity from the emotional basket case that is Shion.



“And she’s kind of a jerk!”



KOS-Mary admits that she has no damn idea what will happen if T-elos succeeds.



Okay, this is why I miss the “acting” that most of the game forsook for stupid dialogue boxes. There’s more “said” in this completely wordless three second scene than a thousand “Oh, KOS-MOS I’m concerned for you” “Oh, me too, Shion” admonishments. T-elos wants to murder everybody, KOS-MOS will hold her off, but she’s obviously in pain, and Shion is afraid for her friend. There. Can we move on, now?



Guess not.



“Listen, T-elos! If your existence... will bring harm to my friends in any way, then I will be forced to stop you!”

Hey, Junior, you feel bad for thinking KOS-MOS was a random object?



And now for some audience participation.



Final T-elos boss fight. For posterity, I included the stats for the previous T-elos fight. How far we’ve come. Incidentally, the steal item for this battle is Life Demon, another accessory that allows you to drain HP with every hit. Useful.



Naturally, we can’t go a round without getting chatty again.



“I will be your friend, or kill you trying.”



T-elos mostly uses her knuckles for attacks.



She also uses random ether abilities, usually of the beam variety. It’s actually a rarity for XS3 enemies to straight up use the same spells as the party, so I guess this is here to highlight how T-elos is like KOS-MOS.



She’s prone to countering. Also, KOS-MOS has been using the R-Blade since XS1, so of course T-elos uses the L-Blade. Was Mary Magdalene left handed?



KOS-MOS is not being cooperative, but a T-elos taunt later in the battle usually means a special attack is incoming.

CONTINUED NEXT POST

And here’s that special attack! It’s the move that T-elos used to blast everybody back in time at the end of her first big battle, and, as you might expect, it will completely kill any combatant that isn’t defending. While that might sound a lot like the ES enemy special attacks, now that we’re on foot, we’re just a Revive away from having a party member back after such an attack, so it doesn’t make quite the same impact.



T-elos also has her old “this causes my boost gauge to fill really fast” ability from her last battle (and Virgil’s, too).



And she’s got another ability that guarantees critical hits. Basically, the longer this battle lasts, the harder it gets, so finish her quickly.



The next time you open your mouth, you’re dead.



There. Told ya.



Ya know, if there wasn’t a “victory results” screen (which I skipped), the battle would seamlessly transition to “real” cinema time.



So T-elos is preparing that same stupid attack that she used a couple of times during the fight. Yes, it would instantly knock out a party member, but they can get better, Shion. Don’t so concerned.



But in magical cinema land, the last time T-elos used this attack on KOS-MOS, it pretty much killed her. But that was KOS-MOS V3. KOS-MOS V4 can totally handle this. She’s got Erde Kaiser parts!



Here comes the boob ball.



Ziggy is just hoping he doesn’t get blasted into some fake past again.



Oh snap, KOS-MOS palmed it. Take that, T-elos!



Not pictured: KOS-MOS then dribbles the energy blast, spins it around on one finger, and playfully juggles it for a few minutes.



Didn’t work the first time? Let’s try again!



But KOS-MOS is now capable of her own Bosom Blast.



And guess who wins this beam battle, Vegeta.



KOS-MOS traps T-elos in a blue bubble, and then tosses an energy dagger at the defeated bot.



Down she goes.



And now they’re resonating! I don’t even know what that word means anymore!



I guess it’s another word for “mutual glowing”.



And, rather than T-elos absorbing KOS-MOS’s soul, KOS-MOS absorbs T-elos. This doesn’t seem to change KOS-MOS’s actual body… so did we just vaporize Mary Magdalene?



Oh, and as Nephilim said would happen, the door forward opened.



Could… anything be all right at this point?



Guess blue-eyed, emotional KOS-MOS is sticking around.



Hey, whenever Shion says that…



But T-elos is gone now, so let’s talk about her.

T-elos, for being a really lazy concept for a villain (what if KOS-MOS… but… dark?), actually comes really close to being a worthwhile character.

What we get of T-elos isn’t much: she’s another second banana female that is sadistic and seems to pathologically hate the party. See also: Pellegri, Citrine, and Orgulla. As “Kevin’s robot”, she’s an obvious parallel to “Shion’s robot”, and her constant diametric opposition to KOS-MOS continually highlights how they’re two very different bots.

And there’s probably a good story there…

Think about it: T-elos is apparently only built by Kevin (I don’t think Voyager or Virgil are much into robotics), and you may have noticed that T-elos is a complete jerk. Unless you want to believe that Mary Magdalene’s physical body had a natural “mean gene”, that’s all Kevin. Conversely, KOS-MOS was primarily built by Shion (Kevin was responsible for Proto KOS-MOS, but Shion literally blew that bot’s head off), and, even at her most stoic, KOS-MOS shows a natural aptitude for saving lives and protecting the party. She’s quiet, yes, but it’s a pleasant kind of quiet. If T-elos had been part of the party from XS1, she would probably have suffocated Captain Matthews in a plate of curry, and told MOMO that Albedo’s mind-meld was her fault for wearing such provocative clothing.

And why is this important? Because it tells us more about Kevin without needing Kevin to creep around (more). T-elos is an awful inversion of KOS-MOS, and she didn’t happen in a vacuum. Kevin built T-elos to surpass the “failed” KOS-MOS, and he thought the best way to do that was to create a Bitch Bot. Shion (and friends) had to rebuild KOS-MOS after a T-elos fight, but she didn’t do a thing to make KOS-MOS emotionally harder. And, in the end, Shion’s hope and compassion won over Kevin’s loner hardass, and the day is saved once again by… feelings.

T-elos is a great personification of Xenosaga’s central themes, and a subtle way to reinforce the secret (not a secret) mentality of another character. It’s just kind of a shame that T-elos herself is a one-dimensional shadow clone. Maybe the mean ‘droid needs a spin-off?

CONTINUED NEXT POST

Before we get back to the proper narrative, we’ve got Wilhelm and Kevin hanging out. Do you suppose Kevin misses his Testament buddies?



At least we know T-elos wasn’t spouting complete nonsense.



“Hey, Kevin, way to build a loser robot. Maybe you could get some robotics tips from Allen.”



“Rassin frassin… Build a whole new robot out of a corpse for nothing…”



“Don’t worry, my ex is still crazy. For some reason, I think I can manipulate her.”



So these two are hanging out… at the planetarium?



Meanwhile, Fifth Jerusalem is beset by gnosis. If you didn’t believe people could transform into gnosis (remember that plot point?), here’s your proof.



Looks like the entire planet is in danger.



And Abel’s Ark is still around! Guess it wasn’t damaged at all by the whole Yuriev thing that went down in there. That’s… probably not a good thing, because it’s pretty much eating Michtam now. I know a glowy planet when I see one!



Back on the Elsa (which has just been hanging out since we left it a few updates back), the crew is discovering that the universe is going dark.



Human race had a good run…



“Let me see. That's Lemegeton?! No, it's similar, but not the same. It's something else.”

And Juli and Shelley discover that some kind of code like Lemegeton/The Song of Nephilim is running through the UMN. So… computers are summoning gnosis? Almost seems like the least of our worries…



Meanwhile, things aren’t going so hot down here, either.



The Elsa calls in to report that 80% of the universe is dead. So now would be a bad time to fritter away the day on sidequests?



This planet has a function? I guess that would explain why we’re in a room made of magic rocks.



“Yes. Zarathustra is one of the relics of God. Those who worshipped Mary Magdalene brought it with them from Lost Jerusalem. God gave Mary a choice, the power to change the form of this universe.”

Oh yeah, is Shion going to ask chaos why he was hanging out in her magical Mary crypt? Also: God gave Mary Magdalene the power to change the universe? Is… is everybody just taking all of this in stride?



Is this going to lead to a fetch quest or…



Oh, yes, of course. Remember what I was talking (complaining) about earlier? We just determined that this entire room and much of the planet is made of the same crystal as Shion’s pendant, but I guess that one little chunk is the key to the universe? Is it cut particularly well, or… Oh, never mind.



Missed connection: You were a moody scientist and my fiancée, I was the dude with dark hair that got gunned down by my prototype robot. Turns out I’m alive, please meet me in the center of one of the last remaining planets in the universe. Bring Mary Magdalene.



If my emotionless robot can find her soul, surely I can deal with my ex.



“You're right. I'm uncertain. I don't even know where I stand. But that's exactly why I want to see him.”

“I figure, could my life get any worse? No. … Right?”



“And the rest of the party would probably enjoy the walk.”



“Mary Magdalene has fully awakened. KOS-MOS learned the special attack: D-TENERITAS.”

You read it. You can’t unread it.



Speaking of reading, let’s talk about what just happened, and include your Goggle Bob official Guide to Literature snippet for the day.

From the moment chaos asked KOS-MOS, “Where does the real you exist?” back on the Elsa during XS1, we all knew a big “reveal” was coming for KOS-MOS’s “real” identity. This theory was further reinforced when KOS-MOS revealed a mysterious other (existing at all) personality during her blue-eyed moments from the same game. Who is the real KOS-MOS? Well, Xenosaga had a few different options for this reveal:

1. The Dramatic Irony Reveal
Xenosaga could have committed to something like the Blue Virgil reveal: make it really obvious to the audience that “mysterious person” is actually someone the cast would know but never expect. The tension in this situation originates from the expectation that someone is eventually going to learn the secret (Shion discovers the man she kinda/sorta killed is alive and vengeful), and the audience is left to speculate how that inevitable reveal is going to go down. … But I guess Xenosaga wanted to keep the audience guessing, too, so that technique is right out.

2. The “I have no idea who this is” Reveal

Another option is to make KOS-MOS’s other personality its own independent character. In this case, consider Voyager, who is simply “Black Testament” or “Guy in the Black ES” for much of XS2. During the finale of that game, Ziggy immediately recognizes Voyager, and reacts with a bout of uncharacteristic rage. We, the audience, still have no idea who Voyager “is”, but now we want to learn more, and Xenosaga was happy to fill in the details during a spinoff game and sequel. This technique is great for setting up prequels and side-stories, but it’s kind of lame in the last few hours of a three game franchise, so I suppose it wasn’t available, either.

3. The Scooby-Doo Reveal

Red Testament has been Kevin this whole time! This is usually the most obvious “secret” reveal: take a character that has been established in some other fashion, and then reveal that Character A and Mysterious Character B have both been the same character this entire time. In Xenosaga’s narrative, Kevin was always the obvious answer for the enigmatic masked man, because, what, did you think we were flashing back to Shion’s past because we wanted to develop her character? Nope, it was all a trick so that “dead” character could get some screen time before he’s revealed to have been here the entire time OMG. Unfortunately, Xenosaga also burned through practically every auxiliary character in its universe on the way to this reveal, so unless KOS-MOS was going to turn out to be Lapis, we’re left with…

4. The Significant Historical Character Reveal

Want to get some instant pathos for your completely underdeveloped character? Why not claim they’re the reincarnation of a famous historical or mythological figure? That mysterious one-eyed guy who has been gifting the party knowledge? That was Odin the entire time! The poor revolutionary that is fighting for a better country? He’s the reincarnation of George Washington! And, yeesh, we never need to see some jerk with a significant sword revealed as the second coming of King Arthur ever again. You see this trope over and over again in modern fiction, but you keep seeing it because it does a lot of heavy lifting for a writer with a blissful minimum of explanation. Of course Character X was untrustworthy and deceitful this whole time, he was an incarnation of Lucifer all along!

So Xenosaga went with… KOS-MOS is Mary Magdalene. At first blush, that’s an… odd choice.

Okay, it isn’t that crazy if we take Xenosaga at its Xenosaganess. Xenosaga loves itself some Christian Mythology (I hope I’m not offending anyone by using that phrase, but let’s for a moment consider that Xenosaga is using Christianity in the same way that Final Fantasy interprets Shiva), and the narrative established early that the Xenosaga universe is a natural extension of 21st Century Western Society (Junior quotes The Wizard of Oz and then tells Mary to read a book sometime), and Jesus is then directly quoted by Albedo before XS1 is over. Yes, Xenosaga loves its religious symbolism, but, even more than that, it seems to portray a world like our own where there are characters (Shion, Feb, maybe even Albedo) that seem to believe in a version of Christianity not too dissimilar from our own (or at least with a similar Bible). Following that logic, it’s not that difficult to foresee a Biblical character squeezing into the cast.

But… we need a female to match our sexy robot woman, and the Bible is kind of lacking leading ladies.

Who are the famous women of the Bible? Eve springs immediately to mind, but she is pretty hard to relate to, what with having been born into paradise and all. If we’re allowing for some Jewish Mythology (again, I apologize if I am referring to anyone’s faith as mythology), Lilith, mother of all demons and Adam’s ex, is also pretty popular, but a poor choice for a white hat. Beyond that, we’ve got, what? Esther? She actually seems to grow a personality over her story, but doesn’t really have name-recognition. Same problem for Ruth. And then we’re left with a series of moms, like Hagar, Rachel, Elizabeth, and, of course, (the Virgin) Mary. Nobody on that list really slots easily into a sci-fi adventure.

So we’re left with Mary Magdalene. Mary, honestly, is a pretty good choice, all told. If you really get into the story of Mary, you’re likely to quickly realize that Christianity has had some problems with women for a few centuries or so, and, if anything, her contributions to the whole Jesus thing have been played down dramatically. I believe the current “who is Mary Magdalene” answer is “Jesus’s whore”, but, man is that reductive. First of all, according to all evidence, she was not a prostitute, and that was an invention of random misogynists being responsible for stories for years. Mary was definitely traveling with Jesus, though, and, according to the scripture, was financially supporting the guy. So, if anything, Jesus was Mary’s unemployed boyfriend. And, famously, Mary was around for Jesus’s death and resurrection. This seems to indicate that Mary was someone very close to Jesus, so, whether or not there was a romantic relationship there or not, at the very least, Mary was a trusted confidant of the Big Guy (and, again, not a prostitute).

So the whole Xenosaga narrative here, that Jesus trusted Mary with the keys to the universe, it… kind of makes sense? Yes, Jesus had the twelve apostles, but considering He had some insider information that at least one of those dudes was going to betray Him, Mary does seem like a pretty good choice to be the executor of His will. And this adds some pathos to Mary that isn’t explored in the Bible, as a person that is losing a friend or lover to some greater divine plan is naturally going to have a few issues with an uncaring universe.

In short, if Xenosaga was going to choose a Biblical character to be Jesus’s second banana reincarnated, they did a pretty good job with Mary Magdalene.

That said, it is also completely bonkers that the lasersword wielding, machinegun toting, gnosis obliterating robot from the future with a bosom blaster is the reincarnation of a Middle Eastern woman best known for palling around with Jesus Christ.

That’s never not going to seem weird.



T-elos also dropped a useful chunk of armor for KOS-MOS. Guess that’s appropriate, considering she absorbed her body an’ all.

CONTINUED NEXT POST

Let’s move on… And the dungeon continues! Now we’ve got some kind of crystal universe that is even weirder than the last section of the dungeon. For no reason, I’m going to again note that the team that made Xenogears originally proposed it as a concept for Final Fantasy 7, and that same team went on to Xenosaga.



This area doesn’t have any particular gimmicks, it’s just a lot of walking with treasures and gnosis.



Here are the jerks that drop those Cane items for Ziggy’s sidequest. Note how deep we are in this dungeon to even see these creatures.



Because it keeps bothering me, the top screenshot is the EXP reward for beating those gnosis with the Sephirotic Canes (Azazels), and the bottom screenshot is the EXP reward for beating T-elos. As you can see, it appears there is a gigantic gulf between EXP rewards for a boss vs. a random encounter. This leads me to believe that XS3 is balanced against grinding, and the majority of your level ups are earned through set boss/plot gates. This likely explains why earning Ziggy’s best weapon is not the game breaker I initially thought it might be. That’s my theory, and I’m sticking to it.



Anyway, dungeon continues. After everything that just happened, and everything that is about to happen, I bet a lot of people forget this section of the dungeon even exists.



There are weapons around. This is Shion’s second best weapon, and it’s completely useless if you earned her very-easy-to-obtain ultimate weapon before this colossal dungeon even started.



Here’s KOS-MOS’s Level 3 Special Attack. It’s the exact same attack KOS-MOS used to finish T-elos. It’s very powerful, but it only targets one enemy, so it probably won’t see much use outside of bosses. Also, for what it’s worth, nobody wanted to animate that whole “chest unhooking” bit on the battle model.

Another incidental note: Starting with the T-elos battle, KOS-MOS is now in awakened, KOS-Mary mode. All of her animations and attacks stay the same, but her battle quotes and general grunts all change to reflect the new, less robotic KOS-MOS. Rather than end a battle with, “All threats eliminated,” or, “Shion, I need to be cleaned,” she now asks, “Is everyone okay?” or “Anybody want to go out for a gyro? I haven’t eaten in 6,000 years.” It’s a silly little thing (and you wouldn’t even notice it if you didn’t have KOS-MOS in your active battle party), but it’s an appreciated piece of world building.



Oh, a save point. Those are always nice.



And giant crystal stairways to somewhere.



More dungeon.



These Gadreel gnosis appear to be the most powerful gnosis available in the universe. I also don’t know if they’re really lazy designs (the just kinda look like random dudes), or are deliberately supposed to look “human” because XS3 is trying to reinforce the whole “gnosis are mutated humans” thing that will become more important as we move forward. I guess they can be two things…



Managed to get a rare drop from an Azazel gnosis. Xenosaga must be recognizing the hours I put into this franchise.



Evangelist is one of the best accessories in the game, and is great for that grinding levels thing that I just determined is impossible in XS3. But it probably has a drop rate of like 1% or something.



Eventually this dungeon runs into another crystal-based end.



And it’s time for another stairway. Guess it’s more of a ramp, actually. Glad to see this dungeon is handicapped accessible.



Final save point on the ramp. Better make a pit stop.



22:51. This update started at about 22:07, and the whole dungeon began at 19:41. We last saw the Elsa three hours ago.



And we all know what the future holds.

Next time on Xenosaga: Broken hearts and broken necks.

This whole sequence is just utterly ridiculous, and I kinda love it. It's almost like comments about the other games leaning a bit too much on Christianity was taken as a challenge.

"Oh, you think we're borrowing too much from Christianity? Do you? Just you wait!"

So now literal Jesus Christ is canon to the story and literal Mary Magdalene was turned into not one but two anime fighting robots. Xenosaga!

As for next time, well uh, if anyone not overly familiar with Episode III was wondering why Shion was... not particularly well liked in this entry, stay tuned.

So KOS-MOS is Mary Magdalene?

...

OK, Xenosaga creators... Sure, whatever.

They seemed to be doing a somewhat better job with her, then... yeah.

And man, looking over this again partially it's kind of... I don't really know what. Embarrassing to see? No, I think I was mature enough by then to realize it was just dumb entertainment and not "the greatest story since the Renaissance" like some very special people claimed, but... wow. I guess it's like pretentious junk food? It's a dumb pleasure and it happened to use some fancier ingredients than usual, but it's still slop.

I'll still argue that it has a lot of heart. Maybe the connections from heart to brain are far more damaged and indirect than should be but there's a good story shut off deep within what's left.

This might be the stockholm syndrome talking, but I'm with Pudik on this one. Obviously I'll be talking about this at (great) length soon enough, but Xenosaga always seems completely sincere with its revelations and relationships. We'll see it more in the next update, but there's a deliberately human undercurrent to all this madness. It's entirely subjective, but I find (modern) Grand Theft Auto's stories and their persistent reliance on adolescent indulgences more sloppy than the incredibly earnest Xenosaga.

That said...



Hamlet this ain't.

True, it really is trying hard at what it does, and I really got into it when I did play them. And admittedly some of this feeling probably IS embarassment over how enthusiastic I was over XS1 that tapered down by the time I got through XSIII (which itself was as a Christmas gift versus nownownow with the first two.) Still, I was looking at a Xenogears LP again, and maybe nostalgia's just heavier with that but I think I come to appreciate that more relative to XS, although XG itself may just be that much deeper into nostalgia. Though, XG also came off as kind of a culmination of JRPG developers escalating in what they could do with games as technology advanced, allowing them to make something much bigger and bolder while (seemingly) having freedom more akin to the 8-bit and 16-bit days. Maybe that reading isn't quite right, and I can see XS being sort of in between those days and more modern times itself.

Prevously on Xenosaga: Shion found Jesus! And then Kevin!



Here he is!



Shion is excited! She’s outrunning a cyborg and an android!



“’Sup?”



Kevin, she’s successfully murdered every living thing between here and the Elsa. You should be scared.



Kevin has all the answers! Make Shion great again!



Kevin decides that it’s time to reveal his amazing backstory. Get popcorn!



Back when Kevin was a young’un, probably all of five minutes after he was ejected from a burning Michtam…



A creepy albino decided to pay the wee child a visit, and tell him the universe was on the way out.



Do you suppose Wilhelm recruited the majority of his U-TIC/Ormus goons the same way? Like, he just started spouting nonsense at a young Margulis, and that was that? Though I can’t really see Margulis playing on a swing set…



Yes, eternal recurrence occurs eternally. Story checks out.



And thus, Surly Kevin was born!



“First, I shall obtain for you one juice box. Cherry! All is going according to plan…”



4,000 year wait to hang out with some toddler?



“He was president of two out of three of those organizations. That ain’t bad.”



“And that takes us up to about when you met me during the time travel incident. Any questions?”



“To awaken Mary Magdalene, I created KOS-MOS as her vessel. In it I placed her consciousness, which had dissipated in the U.M.N., and entrusted her to you.”

Well, guess Mary being “reincarnated” in KOS-MOS wasn’t an accident, at least.



“Shion, he’s a bad guy, get yourself… Why are you smiling?”



“Got better, though. Wilhelm has a really great healthcare plan.”



Reminder: the immediate result of KOS-MOS killing Kevin was Shion blowing KOS-MOS’s head off. That creates a… kind of bond between two people.



“Not true! I genuinely dislike all of you.”



Look, this is an abusive relationship. It’s not even a metaphor for an abusive relationship, it’s just an abusive relationship that happens to involve one party committing fake(ish) death by robot. Here’s your complimentary “I got caught in my lie, but, baby, please, forgive me.”



“Baby, you know I’m gonna love you forever.”



What? Allen is evolving!



You go, Allen!



Uh… we’ve kinda been breaking every third law in the Federation to save the galaxy, so maybe dial it back, dude.

CONTINUED NEXT POST

I swear I’ve read messageboard feuds that read exactly like this. Start correcting his grammar next, Kevin!



Kevin catches Allen in the logic of “Well, what’s your plan?”



Hold MOMO in your hands, and if she doesn’t bring you joy, throw her out.



“Search your feelings, you know it to be true.”



It’s a shame the support group can only provide random anger.



And bullets. Wait, did Shion just shield Kevin from Junior?



“Shion! Testament! Baaaaad!”



“Shion, this is me, the closest thing you’ve had to a father for the last decade, telling you that I don’t approve of your boyfriend. There, that should work. Shion always listens to… Oh fiddlesticks.”



Again, the whole party literally saved your life a bunch of times over the course of the last year. Remember Jin rescuing you from cyber prison in A Missing Year? Remember the whole party playing babysitter with Kiddy Shion? … Wait, does that count?



“We don’t pity you! You’re thinking of Allen!”



So nobody in this party acknowledged the Pellegri/Margulis stuff going on. Both of U-TIC’s bigwigs had big, depressing conversations with Jin, and the rest of the party sat back and pretty much just listened. There’s no sign anyone said anything to recognize that Jin might be having a rough day. Someone finally says something about Pellegri… and it’s Shion throwing the event right back in her brother’s face. Damn, girl, harsh.



Even Allen caught some heat off that burn.



“I’m only asking because I still have the wedding gift I bought from the last time you were with this idiot. It’s a fondue set. It’s a better gift than you deserve.”



“Yes, that's right. I've decided... that I'm gonna go with him. Don't interfere anymore.”

Shion you picked the worst time to finally start being decisive.



“Welp, gonna have to kill my sister then. Knew it was only a matter of time.”



“He’s got a sword! Did you see what he did to Margulis?!”



Got that right.



“Please leave. We have to destroy the universe now.”



“Shion Transport Devices One through Six, you’re dismissed.”



Shake harder, boy!



Guess this is going to lead to another cinema fight that…



Oh snap, it’s an actual battle. Like… a battle-battle! The Brews vs. Shion and Kevin! Shion is on the wrong side!



Shion gets a major HP buff to become a villain. She’s also strong against a variety of status ailments that would normally impact her. Lame, Xenosaga! On the plus side, these stats are “set”, she’s not actually using any stats based on her “real” level, so no need to worry about the repercussions of my cheating ways.



Huh. Kevin isn’t much stronger than Shion. Note that Shion and Kevin both have rare, completely unique armor to steal. We’ll cover that at the end of the update.



Shion basically echoes her normal role in the party. She’s there to buff Kevin and occasionally attack.

CONTINUED NEXT POST

That’s probably a good idea. I mean, what if this is a Breath of Fire 2 situation and…



Ziggy! No!



Oh, she’s fine, Ziggy just broke her BP. Yes, this is a 100% normal battle. It is incredibly disconcerting to see Shion on the wrong side of the battlefield, but otherwise, you can treat this fight like any other Xenosaga skirmish.



So let’s try out Junior’s Level 3 Special Attack while we’re here.



Kevin… isn’t all that strong, either. Come to think of it, this battle is easier than pretty much any other XS3 boss battle. Oh my U-DO, Shion only makes her allies worse! She’s been holding us back!



Even Kevin’s big fire attack barely registers. That’s 1302 total damage done among three people. That’s like a mosquito bite.



Eventually Kevin goes down.



And, yes, if you “kill” Kevin first, Shion will remain and fight for her unconscious man.



Until KOS-MOS guns her down, at least. That’s for saying we never rescue you!



Only the winning party gets EXP, Shion.



As ever, violence solves nothing in Xenosaga.



“Allen, Junior has never liked you. Don’t push it.”



“I came here to look after Shion. I am terrible at my job.”



For a guy that thinks Allen is completely useless, Kevin does seem to be wasting a lot of time addressing his concerns.



“You’re not even a complete battle party!”



Legitimately, saving the universe probably requires at least four people.



“Well, I mean, I assume. Like, I still don’t really know chaos’s deal.”



Oh snap, Allen with the burn. If you’re so great, why are you dead?



“We killed ‘em all!”



Allen just reminded me, I don’t think I’ve run from a single battle in this franchise. Neat. Doesn’t have anything to do with the narrative, but still, neat.



“Granted, she is thick as a brick, so that is a bit of an uphill battle, but my point still stands!”



“And maybe I have poor bladder control!”



The Rosa Parks of confused space saviors.



So Kevin decides to just wreck the poor guy.



“You smell awful!”

CONTINUED NEXT POST

“Ha ha, standing joke. Just give me a second, I’m charging more lightning.”



I admire how well XS3 sells this scene. Junior (who does not like Allen) is watching in horror, MOMO can’t look, and Allen’s limbs… aren’t supposed to wobble like that.



That’s Kevin insulting Allen in the caption. Allen would reply, but he’s checking to make sure he still has a tongue first.



Hm?



At this point, Shion is less “pleading” and more, “Come on, Biff, leave this turkey alone so we can make-out in the back.”



“Be glad your stupid onesie is wedgie proof!”



“How many ribs are you going to sacrifice, hm?”



Allen finally retorts.




Here it is folks, the exact moment senpai notices.



“Even if you have been creepily watching us all this time.”



“This might just be the brain damage talking, but you’re a jerk!”



Now Shion is emotionally on board with Allen maybe not committing suicide by Kevin.




“I can evidently take it.”



“Because... I wanted to spend my life together with her.”

Duh.



Okay, I insult Allen a lot. It’s a running gag, and Allen is an easy target. I’m not proud. But Allen turns around three games worth of buttmonkeying in one scene. No small feat.



Do you think he even notices he’s treating Shion like a possession?



“Even if that was the case, the feelings I have won't ever change for her.”

Allen… less so.



“Hey, KOS-Mary, why don’t you say something? Shion actually likes you.”
“Oh, let the doofus have his moment.”



Kevin wants to “keep” Shion, Allen wants to “save” her. Neither perspective is all that healthy, but at least one is dramatically less douchey.



“I won't lose to someone like you, who has only run away! I'm taking Shion back, no matter what happens!”

“Just give me a second to get my crossbow out…”



Uh-oh…



Kevin goes for the kill…



But KOS-MOS with the save!

CONTINUED NEXT POST

KOS-Mary cheers Allen on. Come to think of it, chaos said Allen’s feelings would eventually reach Shion way the heck back during XS1.



“Three-way?” “Allen, don’t ruin this.”



“I’ll get you a wheelchair.”



“It’s almost like my friends are trying to save me or something. But that can’t be right, my friends don’t do that.”



Kevin thinks KOS-Mary is more T-Mary.



But, nope.



Kevin: has control issues?



We’ll get into the nitty gritty of the Mary/Wilhelm relationship later. Um… don’t imagine anything lewd in the meanwhile.




“Allen would ask you the same thing if he could stop spitting up blood.”



“I know seeing Allen fall down usually cheers you up, but look past that.”



Again, when Xenosaga wants to be good at silence, it is.



And Kevin’s little outburst…



Doesn’t get quite the result he expected.



“Kevin, all I ever... wanted was to be with you…”



“… even if that meant that I was being used, even if I was being deceived, as long as I could be by your side, I thought it didn't matter.”

See? Shion isn’t stupid, just ignorant. Wait…



“But, now I know, that's not true.”



“It's wrong for me to sacrifice others for it.”



“If I do that, if I run away into the past, all I'm doing is repeating the misery inside me.”

Breakthrough! Boo-yeah! You could make the argument that everything that has happened in Xenosaga up to this point has been leading to this moment. Shion finally acknowledged her past, the good and the bad, and realized it’s time to stop running, stop picking at the past like an open wound, and live in an unfamiliar present. Moral!



Kevin… doesn’t get it.



Well, that’s nice.



“I'm sure we would be happy together. There's nothing that I would want more. But, I can't stand the idea of being the only one who finds happiness.”

The end of the universe would be a bummer, ya know.



There’s probably a bonus dig against Kevin in there.



Kevin: possibly a tweak self-absorbed.



“If you force me to choose, I won't hesitate.”

CONTINUED NEXT POST

“You know… those guys. Ugh, we really should have had some kind of vote for a group name in the last year.”







He is just not taking this well.



Shion stands firm.



“I am no longer your tool to play with.”

“You were always the bigger tool in this relationship.”



So you wanted to take a break?



Slow it down some, and have some space?



Well fuck you, too!



Welcome to the final Testament fight. Kevin isn’t messing around anymore, and now he’s clad in some kind of fleshy armor.



There’s probably some story being told here. We never fought Albedo as a Testament, but Voyager and Virgil both had the ability to summon a “buddy” gnosis. Voyager and Virgil both also, in earlier appearances (Pied Piper and aboard The Song of Nephilim, respectively) showed the ability to transform into gnosis. Kevin is not a full-fledged gnosis here, nor is he working with a gnosis helper. He is wearing gnosis like armor, and that probably is meant to establish Kevin as the super best Testament ever. Either that, or it was an excuse for Namco to sneak a version of SoulCalibur’s Nightmare into the game.



Limited Edition Nightmare Kevin is a bit stronger than Standard Issue Kevin. Kevin is considered BIO here, so further confirmation that he is not a gnosis. Note also that his steal is another piece of armor for Shion. Maybe he was saving it as a gift?



Kevin hits pretty hard here, and, yes, this battle is for real. Kevin is not in a good mood, and you’re likely to be on the defensive for most of the fight.



And sometimes he’ll just turn off his ability to suffer damage from key elements. Screw you, Kevin!



But he went down pretty quickly on this run-through. I know he’s got his own super powered special attack that is an instant kill, and he’ll infect characters with that damn gnosis touch status effect, but he just… didn’t for my fight. Maybe he was feeling down after getting dumped. Whatever. I remember this fight being pretty difficult ten years ago, but, maybe I should get over my own past.



Post battle… I guess Kevin feels a little better that he got all that out of his system?



“No, I wanted you to fall over dead.”
“Other than that.”



“Shion, if you just think about this logically, you’ll see that you should have sex with me.”



“Allen, on the other hand…”



“For this fight, or the universe?”
“The universe.”
“Oh.”



“I’m a dick. You knew this.”



And Kevin escapes through the nearby doorway.



And the final boss lies ahead. This is it, folks, one more fight and a whole lot of dialogue is all that stands between us and that final The End. We’ll discuss the full ramifications of the Kevin/Shion/Allen love triangle once at least one of those points is dead, but this update has already gone on long enough, so we’ll save that for another day. Consider this the final (gameplay) update prelude.



In the meanwhile, we can check out that great armor for Shion we stole off Nightmare Kevin.



And here are the other pieces of “armor” we stole during the Shion & Kevin fight. Shion’s “Research Uniform” you might recognize as the outfit she wore during the U-TIC Infiltration bit during the time travel story, and “White Shirt” is…. basically Shion in her underwear. This outfit appeared during that flashback to Kevin’s proposal scene… and you steal it from Kevin… By U-DO, Kevin has been keeping Shion’s panties under his testament robes for the last three years. What a freak!

Ugh, I might have to lie down after realizing that.

CONTINUED NEXT POST

And, just to clear out the last few bits of miscellany before the finale, here's chaos's Level 2 Special Attack, which I don't think ever actually got featured in the LP.



And chaos's Level 3. This one is a buff, like MOMO's final special, but this one grants re-raise/best ally/come back from the dead status to the whole party, which can be pretty useful. Funny how chaos has revive-based special moves in all Xenosaga games.



And, finally, here's the Level 3 Special for ES Asher. I probably used this lightning attack at some point in the LP, but it goes quick, and I likely missed the capture as I was buzzing through another boring ES battle. Does the top dog of hell have anything to do with Xenosaga? I think not.

Okay, that's it, folks, get ready for the grand finale next week.

Next time on Xenosaga: Jin dies at the end.

Here, let me summarize this update.

Kevin: "They don't care about you. I care about you."
Shion: "Oh ok I'll go with you then."
Allen: "We do care about you."
Kevin: "No you don't."
Allen: "Yes we do."
Kevin: "No you don't. Only I care about you, Shino."
Shion: "Shion."
Kevin: "Yes, that."
Allen: "Yes we do."
Kevin: "No you don't."
Allen: "Yes we do."
Shion: "Oh ok I'll go with you then."
Kevin: "What no."