Xenosaga: Was mi�riert

Post 2 in an update that started on the previous page



Shion steps out and considers this whole “KOS-MOS will save us all” thing.



FLASHBACK to Kevin.



Back in happier, glasses-wearing times, Shion and Kevin surveyed some “transport”.



So this is a craft built for KOS-MOS that allows her to traverse space without using the UMN. In modern day terms, everyone is driving cars, and Kevin just invented a jet.



Given flashbacks happen for a reason, I’m going to guess “someday” will be within a few hours.



Kevin wants to believe that KOS-MOS and her transformer there (I know kibble when I see it) will one day be responsible for focused, not wanton, destruction.



Shion thinks Kevin is talking about some idyllic, we’ll-all-live-in-harmony future. Kevin is talking about a future where six people are alive.



Shion… sees what she wants to see. Maybe it’s good that she lost the glasses.



“I hope it isn’t in the midst of every single person on a giant ship dying!”



Ugh, Allen. Thanks for bringing us back to reality.



Reminder: “today” is like a few hours outside of the entire finale of XS1. What would be normal after that?







Take your mind off things, chat with some people that repeat the same two phrases over and over again.



Of course Allen knows exactly where Shion lives. Play it cool, man, don’t let on…



Incidentally, since KOS-MOS “awoke”, the only time she and Shion have been separated was when Shion was literally inside KOS-MOS’s mind. Now it’s the first day of kindergarten.



Allen is a moron.



Toodles.



“Two days ago when we were in a virtual reality simulation and she watched her parents die, she was perfectly fine!”



Here’s the “World Map” for Second Miltia. There are six or so landmarks, and two of them you’ll be visiting a bunch (if you’re doing all the sidequests). The rest are primarily plot related, and you’ll swing by once or twice.



Here’s the city proper, smack dab in the center.



Second Miltia consists of two very large screens filled with buildings and wandering NPCs.

Incidentally, yes, the much maligned “XS2 town music” plays here. It also played back at the Space Port, but we were only there for two minutes, so the full breadth of this theme didn’t have time to sink in. For anyone that doesn’t feel like giving the song a listen, it was composed by remixing the psycho theme, inserting a brass section staffed by almost entirely men who greenlight Rob Schneider movies, and adding a percussion track provided by a 13 year old named Tommy bouncing a basketball on your street at 3 AM while you’re trying to get some sleep. It is the most hateful song in the universe.



Over here is a savepoint, and more importantly, a dive terminal (it’s blue). The dive terminal allows you to revisit any old areas (except that whole City Escape dungeon from last update). The terminal also allows you to revisit any dungeons that don’t absolutely require mechs on foot, so if you want to see what the opening areas of the Old Miltia Flashback are like sans ES, give it a shot.

Our entire party right now is Shion, though, so screw that noise.



Most of the NPCs in this city are just flavor creatures, so there’s not much interesting going on right now.



Though a few provide excellent pickup lines.

CONTINUED NEXT POST

Oh God, are we hallucinating?



No, wait, this is just the kickoff for the game long sidequest system. Pretty straightforward: there are 36 people in this universe with problems, and Shion is expected to help every single one. That should be really easy!



Now there’s a “Global Samaritan Path” link on the main menu...



And at any time you can be reminded how much random crap you have to trudge through to score 100% in this stupid game. Oh, fun times ahead, kiddies.



Here’s the big problem with the GS campaign (and why I’ll be covering it all in one stupidly large update): GS quests become available… seemingly randomly. Here’s Luty. Remember Luty from the Dock Colony last game? Well, she’s back, and, once again, she wants to grow flowers. There are also a number of NPCs wandering around talking about -seeds- and -fertilizer-. It’s really obvious what you’re supposed to do with all this information… but Luty’s quest won’t be available until after another two dungeons. And it’s not because the dungeon contains -seeds- or anything like that, it’s just completely arbitrarily when the quest unlocks. In fact, if it wasn’t for plot flags (and maybe some monster levels), I want to say something like 80% of the GS quests could be completed before this update is out. But, no, half these quests aren’t available until at least the halfway point of the game, and some aren’t available until the final boss is in the ground. It’s aggravating, and, until after clearing the game, you can never be quite sure if a quest isn’t activating (Luty, I know you want me to get your flower seeds, just ask) because you didn’t complete a prerequisite quest, or because you haven’t gotten far enough in the game.

TLDR: beat the game, then worry about these stupid things. Or use a FAQ.



But keep an eye on this woman outside Luty’s room. When I say “go”, complete her GS Quest immediately. I’ll cover it during the previously mentioned sidequest update way the hell later, but the prize is the Secret Key that unlocks Psycho Pocket, aka the Steal command of Xenosaga Episode 2. You’re going to want that for so many reasons. Reminder: there are no shops in XS2.

TLDR: don’t worry about sidequests until after the game is complete, except you should arbitrarily know which quests offer worthwhile rewards. …. Use a FAQ.



Speaking of things that aren’t relevant until after the game is over, here’s Other Professor. Other Professor knows his place in the world. OP will elaborate on the UMN experiments chaos mentioned during the intro, and talk about some mysterious UMN Transport Devices.



Here’s one, locked up downstairs in his office. This will be part of a giant sidequest that becomes available after completing the game. If you want to guess the point of that sidequest, consider the name “Other Professor”.



Oh, and there’s a kid in Luty’s area that will explain Ether Combos. Long story short, like with Double Techs, you can boost an ally into another character’s turn, and if they both use a spell that “combines”, you’ll get a better Ether Combo. For instance, if both characters combo Medica, it restores more HP to the entire party. Or, you can combine Analyze and Psycho Pocket you get a guaranteed 100% steal. And that’s it. That’s why I’m using this kid as an example of Ether Combos, because I barely ever use ‘em.



Here’s some of area two of Second Miltia. There’s a publishing agency, but it isn’t Lumber Maniacs, so who cares?



There is a Red Segment Address Door in there, though. Do… do people in this world just… live with these things? Like, I would not be able to focus if I knew there was a permanently locked door in my building…



Speaking of door curiosity, here’s Sister of Swaim (last seen on the escalator opposite Ziggy), and she wants us to continue the late, great Sgt. Swaim’s work on unlocking every door in the world.



Anyway, she’s got our first obtainable decoder, and it’s for this door right here, so let’s see what we’ve won.



Blast, I was hoping for a robot part. It’s Secret Key 3, which unlocks the Level 1, Subclass H ability Focus. Secret Keys are behind a number of the Segment Doors, so it winds up being a lot like Final Fantasy 12: you found a secret treasure, but I hope you have enough license (skill) points to actually use your newfound loot. That said, if you’ve got the cheddar, Segment Abilities are some of the best in the game.



Hey guys, I wonder if this is Moby Dick’s Café.



Shion is really impressed by the place.



Turns out Shion used to work at Moby Dick’s Café when she was a teenager, and this is the owner/her old boss. I really appreciate the story filling in the details of Shion’s pre-Vector days. How many JRPGs include characters where you actually know what they were doing in their teen years? Steiner was born an old man.



Incidentally, there are like three tables in this place. I don’t know how Ahab here stays in business.



Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name…



As they chit chat, it is revealed that a certain swordsdork comes around here, too.



Come to think of it, unless you count Allen (and nobody counts Allen), this is the first character in the game that is talking to Shion and has known her for longer than five days.



Oh, speaking of which.



“I was having a moment! Junior, let me have the plot for like five minutes!”



When Boss asks if Shion knows these two, she responds rather tentatively. Is she thrown off by their chic new outfits?



“Are you guys following me?”

CONTINUED NEXT POST

MEANWHILE, Helmer is chilling in his office.



And Gaignun, Mary, and Shelley decide to stop by. Looks like Helmer knows the sisters.



Mary, as usual, is all “wassup?” while Shelley shows some decorum.



And, in a lovely bit of small talk, it is revealed that Mary is trying to get a comedy duo going, but Shelley absolutely refuses to participate. Strange as it may seem, they give ball players nowadays very peculiar names…



Mary and Shelley leave, Gaignun sticks around, and Canaan has apparently been here the whole time, working on his wallpaper impression.



“Look, everybody in the galaxy wants the Zohar. Turns out the most powerful energy source in this dimension is desirable for some reason.”



“The fan is just covered in shit.”



“Good, yes, we need some smiles around here.”



You might be an artificial life form if it takes you a full sentence to get through your name.



Realians represent.



Helmer notes that she looks familiar, and Gaignun elaborates on what will soon become a very tedious plot point.



“Good luck with unlocking your Y-Data, MOMO. But if it turns out there’s a dungeon in your head, we won’t be able to do much about that.”



Helmer ends this meeting by asking Gaignun to do some reconnaissance. What does he have in mind? Well…



Gaignun psychic powers activate!



Clone roll call!



I like that this “recon” is basically, “Hey, Gaignun, call your brother.”



Just a reminder: Japan or America, these guys have the same voice actor, so this is basically a dude sitting in a recording studio insulting himself in silly voices.



See? Told you he was Roger Smith.



And Albedo blows the game’s entire budget by busting out some McCartney. You bastard!



“You sure you're not just hanging around Rubedo because you're waiting for the chance to carry out your mission?”

We’ll get some elaboration on what Albedo is alluding to here soon enough.



Gaignun seems to be losing his cool…



So he psychically blows up Albedo’s arm! That skill would have been useful about a thousand times last game, particularly when Junior and the entire party were in literally mortal danger on The Song of Nephilim. Guess he’s gotta build up to those blasts.



Albedo, of course, heals immediately, and continues with the jabs.



Burn?



And he hangs up on his bro. Sorry, no more psychic conversations for you guys.

CONTINUED NEXT POST

I guess Gaignun’s takeaway from that round of Dirty Disses was that Albedo will do anything to re-link with U-DO. Or he’s still muddled from the psychic link, and he’s thinking of Star Trek Generations.



Back to Moby Dick’s, the secret origin of Shion’s curry skills are revealed.



Shion and chaos chat about MOMO’s status while Junior wolfs down some curry. Yes, it appears that “the usual” at what is clearly a seafood restaurant is curry. Shrimp curry? Maybe.



Turn over… relinquish… discard… abandon…



“I’ve got my best man taking care of her. ... She's probably dead.”



She probably misses her old glasses.



It’s been like an hour. You can visit her later.



Go ahead and compare KOS-MOS to an object, chaos.



What she said!



Ah, sounds like someone else has arrived. Four people? This must be the lunch rush for Moby Dick’s.



I think we all can guess who this might be.



Someone has certainly guessed.



“MOMO fell down a well?”



As you may have noticed, Jin appears to be the one adult in the cast allowed to age.



We’ve already literally been told that Jin and Shion have a strained relationship, then this scene… you know what? Let’s have another two scenes to drive home that fact.



Aaaand rim shot.



Jin notably introduces himself to Shion’s friends. Yes, this is a complete farce just to keep his sister in the dark, nobody has amnesia.



Have I ever mentioned that I’m an only child? Have I mentioned how much I enjoy that fact?



“Her android saved our lives a couple times. And she can summon a giant robot like a champ.”



I can’t imagine why Shion was dreading seeing her brother again.



Oh yeah, Jin always does this shoulder tap thing. It’s even his idle animation. Can anyone tell me what’s going on there? Is it a Japanese thing? Note that I don’t think this is some “lost in translation” thing, I mean this guy seems to live and breathe Japanese traditions, so I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s another facet of that.



Shion… was enjoying her meal… once upon a time…



Jin kind of doubles as Shion’s… well… choose the relative in your life that most chastises you for never calling.



“Sorry, no time to spend with you bro! Gotta get going!”



- 12 HP

CONTINUED NEXT POST

Incoming call from Allen. Allen always makes everything better for Shion!



This is why you never put Allen on speaker (holo) phone.



Sad trombone.



I love that this entire scene is predicated on the audience wanting to see Shion squirm.



I don’t think Shion has ever been this angry at Albedo.



And chaos and Junior get invited along, because what is an awkward family reunion without some friends forced along for the ride?



Alright, we’re back in control. We’re not railroaded into the next cutscene/area, and we still have the ability to roam Second Miltia.



We also now have a party of Shion, chaos, Junior, and Jin. Now would be the time to revisit the introductory dungeon, if you’re so inclined. I’m not.

Assuming you do not revisit any combat areas, this party won’t see a single battle, so there’s no reason to, say, upgrade Jin’s skills right now.



Exit the city and you’ll receive a notice that you can return to the Durandal/Kukai Foundation now. NOW you can start doing random GS sidequests. Not Luty, for instance, but you can hit up that one woman earlier and nab psycho pocket for yourself. Again, I’ll be covering all these sidequests later, but if you’re “playing along”, I highly recommend taking the scenic route for at least one new skill right now.



We’re focusing on the main plot for right now, so it’s over to the Uzuki Residence. It’s the northwest most landmark on the map. You’d think they’d stick this dude’s house in the east…



See what I mean?



Just a reminder, it’s the future, so “books” as we know them are rare, what with the rise of technology in this far-flung future. NOTE TO READERS FIVE YEARS FROM NOW: A book was once a thing people used to read words. It was made of flattened wood-pulp, and it served much the same purpose as your tablet.



Shion is, naturally, not impressed.



Jin is being delusional.



Also a lie.



Yeah, that kind of thing can get exasperating when you’re on the sidelines.



Ladies and gentlemen, here is the one JRPG in history that acknowledges that when your party can toss around healing “spells” and “potions” willy nilly, doctors instantly become obsolete. As Jin literally states here, doctors are now pretty much just counselors, and all actual illness or injury is solved with nanites. Xenosaga has thought one part of its universe completely through.



And how many JRPG heroes do you know that are exploiting tax loopholes?



Jin, when she asks where all these books came from, she’s not actually asking.



Jin and Shion can fight all they want, Junior has found his new bounty. I empathize.



Meanwhile…. Here’s Dr. Strangelove (who appeared briefly in XS1 via video monitor) on the bridge of Margulis’s ship. Apparently, he got bored and blew up U-TIC’s XS1 base.



Ziggy infiltrated the base… so probably best to nuke it from orbit, just to be sure.



And we’ve got a name for this scientist: Sellers.



Sellers is U-TIC’s resident mad scientist, and while he has a minor role in both XS1 and XS2, he’ll come into his own story in Xenosaga Episode 3. He’s easy to spot, with his distinctive hairstyle, sunglasses, hoverchair, and… wait a minute… They named this guy Sellers? Sellers? Wow, where is the line between “homage” and “let’s just steal one of the most memorable characters in Western Cinema”? Come to think of it, they probably had to give Sellers a backstory in XS3, else Namco was gonna get sued.

Anyway, enjoy this guy’s one scene in the game.



“I’m a helpful kinda mad scientist!”

CONTINUED NEXT POST

Not that he’d need to if someone thought to grab the Zohar on the way off the planet…



“Want me to wait on a space station between a pair of black holes? I can do that.”



“Oh…kay? I’m just gonna do that thing I said.”



“Otherwise we’re going to have to produce another three cannon-fodder villains, and this plot is bottlenecking with bad guys as is…”



We now resume the normal narrative of Let’s Watch Shion Eat.



So, after Xenosaga Episode 1, Shion has decided she’s going to become an adventurer. Jin thinks this is a poor, possibly suicidal idea.



“Well, you did slay the final boss. Or does that kill go to Erde Kaiser?”



Reminder, according to the XS1 ending, Jin was just at the grave cliff. Like, a few hours ago.



Shion: absolutely not into this thing.



Absolutely.



There it is! To make it perfectly clear: yes, Shion blames Jin for the death of their parents. Jin was off playing Robin Hood with chaos and Canaan, and Shion got to watch her parents die. It… has an impact on their relationship.

Also, fun fact, Shion only seems capable of admitting her life has been kinda crappy when she can blame Jin for it.



"You guys… uh… tea’s getting cold."



Junior is gonna hop in the Awkwardmobile, a hovercar fueled by pure awkwardness. After today, the tank will be full for years.



chaos needs a place to crash, though. After living on the Elsa, he just wants a bed that doesn’t smell like failure.



Yay! Sleepover permission!



Later, Jin hangs out.



“You… sleep in that, chaos?” “Too many straps, can’t take it off.”



That’s the kind of insight you expect from an immortal apostle.



Going to guess… Kevin’s funeral? I think that lines up. Wow, so Shion has effectively cut off all familial contact while working on KOS-MOS for the last two years. OH MY U-DO Allen is her only friend. That’s terrible.



Jin doesn’t really say anything important here, he just trails off and compares Shion to their grandfather. I’m starting to think Shion and Jin might have a strained relationship.



A metaphor happens.



Well, obviously chaos and Jin only kept up that “nice to meet you” fa�ade for Shion’s sake. The point of that… who the hell knows?



“Steal from a universal terrorist organization, they seem to remember it. Doc Brown and I got problems.”



“I know, Jin, I was there. I mean… uh… nothing.”



“Ah, you’ve heard about Junior eating his old coat.”

CONTINUED NEXT POST

“I’m supposed to be the cryptic one, remember?”



So… Is Jin KOS-MOS’s metaphorical grandpa?



There’s probably some important psychological thing going on here. Jin was too late to save the lives of his parents, but he can only see it through the lens of having failed Shion. It’s not like he got her a lousy birthday present fifteen years ago, he literally watched his parents die, too, just the same as her.



“I'm afraid that if I try to get any closer, she might turn me away, shut me out...and cut me off as her brother.”

Abandonment issues, thy name is Uzuki.



She actually did randomly mention Jin a couple of times back on the Elsa, but…



Yeah, that.



chaos rescued Junior, and has now had a heart-to-heart with Jin and Allen. Ziggy, I think it’s time to hop aboard the hug train! Choo choo!



Yeah, I naturally assume my more listening-inclined friends are immortals, too.



“I’m not hundreds of years old. Why would you think that? That’s a silly thing to say. You’re such a silly mortal, what with your aging and basic biological functions.”



HP/EP restored, time to head out.



“Look like a different person.” Cute.



If you’re paying attention, you’ll notice that the only consistent part of Shion’s ensemble between two games is her necklace. Of course that’s the key to everything, why would you think otherwise?



“I’m sorry, chaos, were you here yesterday at all?”



Truer words were never spoken.



Reminder: the last time we tried to “analyze” a mechanical being, all of reality broke down.



So chaos scurries off to MOMO’s UMN recital, and Shion heads to Vector. The game follows chaos to the UMN Control Center, but we’re going to take a break before we get to that little adventure. For right now, we’re going to take a respite to consider what it means when the game has two high-octane, breakneck action scenes… and then follows it up with boring family drama that coincidentally reintroduces the series’ heroine. Gosh, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say someone up there doesn’t like Shion…

Next time on Xenosaga: MO problems.

I like to imagine Albedo leaves elaborate psychic voice-mail notices for Gaignun, ala Archer.

You know he totally would.


Oh, and this update really drives one aesthetic quirk about XS2 home: It is just rife with mitten-hands. I don't think they were nearly as bad in XS1, despite being an earlier game, but here, yikes, just lookit em. Those are some blocky-ass fingers with poor textures.

And speaking of textures, just take a look at the books at Jin's house. Especially the ones that are tilted. Is that a tileset from a SNES game blown up?

You mean aside from the mostly teenage heroes?

Welp, we've encountered the best moment in the game already: Shion's animation for kicking junior under the table.

I think the opposite happens. Gaignun sending coded psychic voice-mails just to troll Albedo.

Albedo: "Hello?"
*head explodes*
Albedo: "Goddammit, Nigredo!"

---

I'm convinced that Jin was made the way he was just because the writers just needed players to focus on someone who was way cooler than Shion. Because seriously, who likes Shion? The only real person devoted to her (I guess if you don't include KOS-MOS?) is her stalker assistant that she constantly ignores. So, Shion basically sucks.

I was going to post much the same thing. How many videogames would bother making someone slouch under the table to get into kicking range? I'd file this one in the "caressing KOS-MOS' pod" section.

What's really important is that it's not subtle at all. Shion just really wants to kick Junior, and she doesn't care who knows it.

It's better sitcom material than anything Larry David has ever came up with.

Previously on Xenosaga: Shion reunited with her family. She’s ready to go back to space now.



So we’ve got just chaos for the moment, and it’s his arduous task to walk five feet over to the UMN Control Center.



Welcome to the UMN Control Center! This is where the Internet lives!



Hey guys… doesn’t the Kukai Foundation have something better to do with its time? Who’s running the place? Captain Matthews?



MOMO grabbed her finest beret for this mission. I hope Helmer didn’t wear the same thing.



And guess who just showed up.



And she’s just as distant as ever. At least Dr. Mrs. Mizrahi is thanking the gang for saving the universe.



Ziggy is a fuggin’ champ. Sidenote: I didn’t use MOMO on the Proto Merkabah once.



Raise Small Wonder’s expectations…



And just smash ‘em on down.



Junior will remember that.



Somebody finally got the hint. Literally everyone in this room cares for MOMO more than her “mother”.



MOMO is now joy-shy, but Ziggy provides a reassuring gesture with his jackknife hand.



“Yes, MOMO, this is really happening.”



Anyway, time to scoop out your brain. This way now.



Oh, chaos, you eternally late immortal. You can explore what there is of the UMN building (or at least this floor) now, but it’s mostly boring NPCs milling about.



Prob-ab-lee, Blazena!



Hit the right random doorway, and the plot continues.



“You’re a horrible person, why would you ever be nice to your robo-daughter?”



So she was just hitting the “be happy” button on "that Realian". … I’ve seen worse parenting.



I’m trying to think, but I want to say that this is the first indicator in the series that Junior (and Gaignun) has an established relationship with Juli Mizrahi. They all interacted in the previous episode, but there didn’t seem to be any familiarity during those encounters.



Yeah, she’s “pretending”.



“You know? My ex-husband? Guy that doomed the universe?”



Is this Junior being nice, or a retcon? If you recall, Junior was very vocal about hating Joachim’s guts last game. He also watched the dude rant, rave, and then dive off a building. I think Junior has a pretty firm idea of “what kind of person he was”.



Theeeeere it is.

Alright folks, it’s time for a round of “Retcon or not”.

This portion of the game will tell that tale of Sakura, the human daughter of Dr. Mizrahi, who incidentally was the basis for MOMO. This was, albeit obliquely, mentioned during a flashback involving Dr. Mizrahi back on The Song of Nephilim. “Sakura” was a firmly established bit of Xenosaga lore from Episode 1.

However, Junior’s relationship with Sakura may be an invention of Episode 2. Junior was generally nice to MOMO… except when they first met, and Junior claimed Mizrahi was a complete maniac until MOMO literally sulked off to cry. These are not the actions of someone who was a “friend of the family” and made a heartfelt promise to a deceased relative.

Additionally, Gaignun treated MOMO like a stranger during their interaction (he basically came off as a friendly politician), and Albedo, who would have absolutely no reason to spare MOMO’s feelings, didn’t drag their preexisting, ha-ha-your-sister-is-dead relationship into his fun little speeches.

(And remember that The Animation, released after Episode 2, swung in the complete opposite direction.)

I really want to say this whole thing was an invention of Episode 2 to condense MOMO and Junior’s backstories into one solid piece, and, frankly, I don’t blame ‘em for that choice. Ziggy’s entire story wound up shunted into an entirely different game when it couldn’t be organically merged with this plot, it would have been a shame to see that happen twice.

We’ll keep an eye on it for the next few updates, but I want to say this Sakura/Junior/URTV/Mizrahi relationship is a retcon, plain and simple. But if anyone wants to no-prize this whole thing, please, have at it.



Anyway, yes, Junior is over Realian racism thanks to Sakura.

CONTINUED NEXT POST

“I'm finally getting around to that!”



Thank you, Pinkamena Pie.



“Is plot happening without me? What’d I miss?”



Juli heads out, chaos offers nothing.



“Has she ever been all right?”



“And I ain’t talkin’ about Nintendo Power.”



“Oh yeah, didn’t we spend most of last week trying to kill your brother?”



Junior joins the party! Let’s go grab some more.



Here’s a closet. I bet Ziggy is in there.



Oh, he’s got a friend.



He’s surprised to have a friend.



Aw, turns out MOMO wanted Real Mom to work on Robo Dad. That’s adorable, and likely harkens back to last game when Ziggy said he wasn’t comfortable being worked on by anyone but MOMO.



Except MOMO doesn’t know that the last time Ziggy and Juli hung out, all she did was go on about how her ex was a maniac. She’s lapsing back into old habits now.



Oh, you picked up on that, did you?





So…. Maybe?



Yeah, I could see how that would be kind of a downer.



Juli asks Ziggy about his family situation. I’m going to guess that since she’s already had Ziggy’s dossier, she knows the answers here.



Subtle, Juli. Subtle.



Sad Ziggy.



If this scene gets any more dour, a Cure concert is gonna break out.



“You seem to strongly dislike your daughter.”





This is why no one likes psychologists in the future. Random Cyborgs are so much better at dispensing heady emotional advice.



Challenge Level 1: Love your daughter. Ready? FIGHT!

CONTINUED NEXT POST

“I guuuuuuuuess I could try that.”



“Nobody ever gives me a drill arm…”



Ziggy sense tingling.



Ah ha ha Junior and chaos were listening the entire time. Not like there’s anything better to do around this building.



Yes, finally, we’ve been waiting an entire game for this.



YES!



“Try not to think about how the fate of the universe rests in your lil’ head.”



It’s been a long time (since Junior’s introduction), but recall that Mary and Shelley are computer geniuses, so they’re taking point on this procedure. Mary is actually with MOMO, and Shelley is back in the booth with a pair of support Realians.



Robo Dad is here for you.



“And when this is all over, you get your choice of Blow Pop.”



Wait, what?



Wow, that’s gotta be… woof. Guess her optimism was just a setting.



MOMO now installing 1,547 recommended updates. Please do not turn off your MOMO until the update is complete.



I think every relevant person on the planet showed up for this thing.



Of course Albedo didn’t clean up after himself when he mind-raped the poor gal.



And Mary isn’t super stoked about following in his footsteps, even if it is consensual.



Tiny bit of backstory for the sisters: turns out they were human test subjects back on Old Miltia. Man, nobody had a fun time on that planet.



And Junior wants to wax philosophical about what it means to turn off MOMO’s emotions. Now dance for my amusement, LP subject.



Junior wanders off thanks to his general fear of… data retrieval? Okay, after last episode, I kind of understand.



Despite the fact that MOMO is in sleep mode, everyone continues to treat her like a complete person. How nice.



Huh? She shouldn’t be speaking…







And all the support Realians pass out. This is not a good sign.



That’s… bad… I guess?

CONTINUED NEXT POST

“No wonder we didn't find anything; we were analyzing each system separately. Each layer is a low-resolution fragment, like scattered bits of memories. It's only when they all become active at once that the whole image comes together. Joachim's pulled off a grand trompe l'oeil.”

“In English, Doctor?” “It’s like Voltron.” “Oh.”



See, you can’t turn off MOMO’s emotions. Or she’s got auxiliary, backup emotions. I…wouldn’t be surprised.



Three guesses on who set that one.



Yep. Albedo’s handiwork continues to haunt the party.



But Dr. Mrs. Mizrahi isn’t taking this sitting down! Or… she’s going to sit down… but actively!



So Juli decides she’s going to DELETE MOMO. What the hell!?



Hey, Y-Data is important, if the bad guys get it, then yada yada yada.



But she hesitates…



Presumably due to maternal love or because holy crap you are not going to kill a preteen girl the moment she becomes inconvenient.



Well, where is it going then, smart guy?



“I’d remember killing my robo daughter!”



Oh snap, MOMO is deleting herself!



What a little trooper. Her dad committed suicide, her robo dad committed suicide, and her mother seriously considered it. Kids grow up so fast.



Incoming transmission from Asshole Central.



Albedo didn’t have to take over every monitor in the room, he just thought it would be neat.



Juli has dashed out to somehow aid pretty-much-dead MOMO. Albedo is going to take this time to gloat. He might not have gotten the Y-Data due to MOMO’s sacrifice, but at least he can taunt his old friends.



And maybe have a good laugh.



In the span of one update, we’ve gone from “I can barely tolerate her,” to “LIVE DAMN YOU!” This is the kind of development you get when you’re not a main character.



Ziggy is… concerned.



And flashbacking to losing his own child. That seems to happen once a game.



No you won’t. We need to call in the big guns. We need to call…



Shion and Allen: Action Scientists!



MOMO did live, she’s just kinda… broken.



“Shion we called you… to ask you to talk to some people who know what to do here. You know anybody in Third Division? Ask them for us, would you?”



Oooooh classy.

CONTINUED NEXT POST

Allen Ridgeley, you complete idiot.



Shion is, obviously, going to do this herself, protocol be damned. Did you expect anything else?



This is the first you get to wander around Vector’s Miltia branch (even though Shion was technically here at the start of the last update). Turns out scientist NPCs are just as catty as regular NPCs.



I love this. Remember how Vector at large thought Allen died on the Woglinde? Well, they still think that, even though he’s in the next room over. Also, this is a sly reference to Pink Bug’s picture that included an Allen ghost last game. It’s a deep cut in the Xenosaga trivia, but it’s great for anyone paying attention (to how the universe hates Allen).



Speaking of which, Allen decides that if Shion is going to go do something stupid, he’s going to go do something stupid, too. He’s a doormat, but he’s a consistent doormat.



But first we’ve got to check in with Universal Politics.



Looks like The Patriarch is going to explain why his whacko space religion has apparently mobilized its space fleet. Universal Crusades?



Whoops, we almost went a whole update without mentioning the Zohar, so Patriarch is going to remind us it’s locked away on Old Miltia. Note that Patriarch is playing ball and operating in kindly pope mode here.



And he’s staking his claim on the Zohar by some sort of religious right. Good luck with that, buddy.



And the Federation’s response is basically “lol, no.”



But Padre is gonna turn this around and at least use the opportunity to point the finger at the Kukai Foundation/Second Miltia.



And he’s blaming Albedo’s actions from the last game on Kukai while he’s at it. Recall that, technically, Albedo is his employee.



“They’re all out to get us! Preemptive strike!”



“We’ll just take this item of unimaginable power off your hands. It’s cool.”



“Dude, we’re not idiots.”



Though at least one of the committee doofuses is not buying the fact that KOS-MOS’s data got Kukai out of jail (literally). Could it all be a ruse? (No.)



Seriously? Dude has to defend his planet from accusations every meeting? Can’t he take some time off to read a book?



Yeah, maybe he can swing buy a bookstore or something.



Just when you think you’re out, Jin.



Helmer is baiting Jin with the one thing he desires: absolute knowledge. Wait, that might be many things…



Jin claims that the 15 year old Canaan data won’t hold up in court, but Helmer just wants answers (dammit!).



“You’re an Uzuki. You don’t even know how to resist meddling and you know it.”



“Look at the data. Looooove the data. Find moooore data…”



Jin points out that he’ll have to return to Old Miltia, which is currently impossible. Helmer indicates that that is getting less impossible by the hour.



“Nope! I’m not sure anyone in Third Division even has a name.”

CONTINUED NEXT POST

“This story doesn’t need any more extras.”



Allen, you already agreed to be helpful, don’t walk it back now.



chaos is Allen cheerleader numero uno. Enjoy the support of a demigod, Allen!



“Remember the last time you did this? And we all had to relive our worst memories?... Get the hell out!”



Alright, MOMO is out of commission for obvious reasons, but the rest of the party now has one last chance to go and revisit old areas or clear some sidequests. Once you tell Allen you’re ready to go, it will be a looooong time before you can revisit any of Xenosaga’s side content. Just a lil’ warning.



It’s cute how Allen can’t even say Shion’s name.



Yay! Bonus KOS-MOS!



Shion is elated that she’s getting her robot back.



“Head’s up: this is going to be a flashback.”



Ziggy, the only one that ever has any kind of foresight or concern about impending missions, questions the only guy around about what MOMO’s memories might actually entail.



Junior knew Sakura because Sakura had a UMN related disease. Junior and his URTV buddies were enlisted because they’re kinda anti-UMN, since they’re anti-U-DO.



Thank you, Ziggy.



Oh, U-DO is just the UMN’s OS? That seems pretty straightforward.



Oh. That’s more complicated.



Right, Shion sorta saw U-DO firsthand when Old Miltia crashed into a pair of blackholes, and she sorta got this primer last update. U-DO is more complicated than just an OS.



So, U-DO information roundup:

1. U-DO is an amazingly advanced higher consciousness beyond human understanding. Just to make life easier, we’ll call this consciousness “God”.
2. Humankind shackled U-DO to power the UMN.
3. The UMN is, basically, the Space Internet.
4. U-DO had some issues fifteen years ago, and now Old Miltia is blackholed, and the gnosis have been released to destroy the galaxy.

So the central conceit of Xenosaga is that someone decided to chain up God and force it to be the Internet? Yes, I believe I understand why God is wiping out humanity.



First naming of Junior’s father/creator. We’ll see him next update, don’t worry.



But now it’s time to flashback to that damn reactor or whatever from fifteen years back.



Head Boy Rubedo and his URTV buddies are going to take out U-DO!



Albedo… is reluctant.



Uh-huh.



But Rubedo has a sudden mental flash of the planet exploding (or… something?).



Are you sure you want to quit?



Rubedo is suddenly convinced that, if the URTVs continue, the planet will explode. And Yuriev apparently saw it coming.



Except this decision is going to have some collateral damage.

CONTINUED NEXT POST

Rubedo breaks the mental link, and all the URTVs quickly succumb to U-DO. This was described a couple of times during XS1, but this is the first we’ve seen it live.



Aw, baby Albedo’s first freak-out. Well, first U-DO freak-out.



“But I guess we had to try, because otherwise it would be a royal pain to download porn across galaxies.”



“Seriously, guys. Any. Time. Now.”



Ah ha ha this is going to be the worst part of the game.



Shion, for the second time in succession (and maybe ever), compliments Allen.



“This… this is what happiness feels like.”



“Jack in! KOS-MOS.EXE, execute!”



Alright, recall that this situation is very much like when the party dove into KOS-MOS’s mainframe during Episode 1. Just for the hell of it, I went back and reviewed that scene, and it’s a great way to show the difference in direction between XS1 and XS2. In XS1, the similar scene plays out with the party standing around, and the screen sorta warps, and then it’s virtual time. Here, there’s this whole rising music and rotating camera thing going on, and it all crescendos to familiar virtual time.



It’s an obvious reminder that XS2’s direction is much more active and dramatic.



And we are… well, this looks nice.



“We’ve gotta find MOMO!”



“Welp, that was easy. Who wants to hit Moby Dick’s?”



“Did someone set her to mute before we dove in?”



Nope, turns out that she’s just a shell of a MOMO. This… has happened before.



Yep, for the second time in the series, “MOMO” will join the party, but she’s just a shell of the “real” MOMO. She’s useful for combat, but she’s not going to do anything else.



Gee, what’s the rush, Ziggy? It’s like you’re concerned about something.



Yeah, a lot longer, because I’m going to call it here. Come back next time for more bumping around MOMO’s subconscious. I bet we’re gonna find out all sorts of information about MOMO and Sakura!

Next time on Xenosaga: All about the boy.

She's like Astroboy! But she never gets rocket feet or a machine-gun butt....

Hoo boy do I gots things to say about this exchange... but I'll save it for ...

...revelations.


Also, I totally missed this on my first playthrough, but some of the NPCs in town areas say different things depending on the lead character. People at Vector, as you might guess, say different stuff to Shion, and people around the Durandal react to Junior differently, and weirdly enough people at the UMN Control Center have unique dialogue for Ziggy. You'd think that place would be for MOMO instead, right? But no, since it's kind of where he goes for downtime maintenance now that's his unique area. I distinctly remember once NPC who was disgusted by his old metal cyborg body a bit too much.

It's also worth mentioning that the music for the cutscene where Albedo's MindTrap is sprung is pretty sweet, so much so that it was also used for one of the (many) trailers for the game.

Previously on Xenosaga: MOMO became a vegetable, so it’s time to go brain farming.



Actually, come to think of it, Xenosaga Episode 2 itself provides a “The Story So Far” screen every time you boot up the game. If I were cool enough to coordinate my saves with my post breaks, I could just use these silly things every time.

But I won’t.



“Now get back in the combat party where monsters can whack you around some more.”



So here we are, “Subconcious Domain”. This domain has a bunch of areas to it, and a few of them are “one (or two) visit only”. This little shack will only be visited once, and then never again.



But who cares, because The Brews are back together again! With a virtual simulation of KOS-MOS and an effectively brain dead MOMO, we’ve got the full Xenosaga Episode 1 battle party back together. Time to play with everyone’s Skill Allotment for a half hour!



Alright, back to the funky little shack.



Not much to find on the first floor of this place. There’s a jewelry box, but it’s like the one thing in the game you can’t take with you, so moving right along.



The second floor contains one small girl. Everybody get their leering pants on!



As you’ll see in the next shot, Sakura is basically a hair-swap of MOMO. Given we were told that Juli finds the 100 series eerie for this very reason, it makes sense that Sakura is a dead ringer for our favorite Realian.



And there are voices coming from her closet…



“Oh a wise guy, eh?”



Albedo, “Junior”, and “Gaignun” tumble into the room.



Always the way: you’re supposed to hang out in some girl’s room, but you just wind up stuffed in her closet. ... You never forget your senior prom.



This is going to get confusing… “Current” Junior acknowledges that, yes, you’re watching his awkward adolescence. I realize I could use the URTV’s other names (Junior/Rubedo, Gaignun/Nigredo) to distinguish the children from the adults-that-look-like-children, but this plot is labyrinthine enough as is.



Lil’ Gaignun seems the most composed, and Junior and Albedo bicker like they always do.



Is she supposed to ignore the funny little men that fell out of her closet?



Sakura says hi, and the Three Stooges excuse themselves…



But Sakura is unusually excited.



Good move guys, stop talking, she’s probably cool with that.



And the scene ends with Sakura literally crying tears of joy at having new friends.



And then everyone disappears, and you’re welcome to explore the empty room. Bunnie Doll is just as disturbing as Real Bunnie from last game.



The three amigos head out to a glowy spot on the lawn, so it’s time to follow along.



INCEPTION NONSENSE! The party was just inside a simulation of Sakura’s brain, which itself was inside a simulation of the past that is occurring within MOMO’s brain. This is going to happen a lot this update.



So here’s a younger, tremendously more caring Juli Mizrahi, and to her left is Yuriev, the creator and “father” of Junior an’ the boys. Notably absent is Dr. Joachim Mizrahi, who has presumably already given up on his real daughter and is building a hundred different Realians.



Anyway, a brief conversation about these new fangled UMN terminals and how they’re giving our kids the diseases.



Here’s the trio awakening from their Sakura dive.

CONTINUED NEXT POST

Junior immediately reports back on seeing Sakura. Guess there was more to that conversation than we saw.



Oh yeah, guess it’s good we didn’t steal that from her memories. … Or however that would work.



Juli is elated. Obviously, we have quite the contrast from her modern, stoic self.



“… #666, because being a URTV is pretty much like being born into a cult.”



Juli actually calls #666 “Rubedo,” though, and is instantly on her knees with happiness. Now, recall their relationship fifteen years later…



Shion gets a little nostalgic.



Junior gives a quick recap for the slow ones in the back: this is the Yuriev Institute, and we’re basically Ghost of Christmas Past’ing around.



Stay on point, people!



Let’s follow the ghostly trio and see where that leads us.



The Yuriev Institute is effectively a town, and you can wander around and talk to the NPCs for random gossip on Junior and his bros. For instance, here’s a reaffirmation that Nigredo/Gaignun is kind of a weirdo among weirdoes.



Oh, speaking of which, let’s introduce the namesake of this place, Dmitri Yuriev. Yuriev is a unique and interesting character. He’s a mad scientist…



Oh? I guess we already have a few of those. Well, the twist is that Yuriev is secretly a super-powered immortal…



Ugh? Really?... Alright, this is distinctive: Yuriev is a genius manipulator, and he’s perfectly willing to sacrifice his own children to achieve his goal of destroying God and ascending to…



Oh come on! He’s not even in this game! Bah! Fine! Yuriev is lame!



Good, glad to see that Albedo was always disturbing. And it’s only going to get worse!



The Yuriev Institute has a pretty neat design for a place that is basically a Cutscene Delivery System (CDS). It seems to be half hospital, half FUTURE SCIENCE lab. At no point do you see anything that looks like an inviting school for gifted youngsters.



At the far end of the place, you’ll find Young Junior leering into a window.



Aw, it’s a mother/daughter concert.



Full report on Sakura: she’s pretty much in some sort of walking coma, and can’t speak, but she can do a few things, like play the piano with her mother. As we’ll hear a little while later, this has been going on long enough that Juli literally doesn’t even know Sakura has a personality.



Juli also mentions that this whole “send mutant children into her brain” thing is the only thing that works. I’ll admit, it wouldn’t be my first choice of treatment.



And Junior interacting with Sakura is somehow rebuilding her brain. Yay!



Flash..back? Sideways? Whatever, to Junior and Sakura hanging out in Sakura’s head. Reminder: this is where we found MOMO.



Sakura is talking about how Joachim Mizrahi is building MOMO, and Sakura is supposed to get plugged into MOMO. As ghoulish as this all sounds, Sakura is totally into it.



Ah, dramatic irony.

CONTINUED NEXT POST

Sakura asks about Junior’s parents, and he replies that he doesn’t really know his mother, what with her being little more than an egg donor. Yuriev is biologically Junior’s father, though, because he’s a creep like that.



Junior is already hardcore emoing about his “boo hoo I’m a weapon” origins. Newsflash, Junior, in about fifteen years, you’ll be hanging out with an entire crew of human weapons, and you’re gonna love it.



But it’s cool, Sakura says you’re not a weapon, weapon.



Hard confirmation that Sakura definitely considers MOMO to be her sister. This isn’t some “I found my dad building a life-sized doll of me and I’d really rather he didn’t” situation. Assuming that’s a situation at all.




This is, of course, the origin of that promise Junior alluded to last update. Also, let’s recall that he didn’t keep that promise for fifteen years.



And Junior gets a kiss! Aw, to be young and doomed and in love.



This is about the only place in the whole stupid flashback that we get some actual evidence for Sakura and MOMO having different personalities. MOMO would never sneak a kiss and then giggle off into the sunset. I’m pretty sure MOMO would smile politely for hours and then maybe submit kiss requisition form #241 (chaste kiss with intent to hug) for approval.



Skip around the garden a little more and you’ll trigger another cutscene that apparently occurs a little later. Seems Junior grabbed a harmonica and is now playing sweet music with his virtual girlfriend. But this symphony is not for free, and we don’t ever get to see Junior actually doing that.



The brothers do not approve.



“You used to be cool!”



Thankfully, this doesn’t trigger the millionth flashback to Junior failing totally on Old Miltia.



Albedo has a massive dependency on Junior. Gee, wonder how that turns out.



In case you missed it, this is confirmation that Junior, Gaignun, and Albedo are different from the other 665 URTVs crawling around the place. Sorry, no one else has creepy mutant powers… unless you count the fact that they’re all telepathically linked.

Incidentally, as this scene ends, I’ll note that this whole bit is likely a rare case of Xenosaga subtlety. Albedo is jealous of the relationship between Junior and Sakura, so, a decade or so later, Albedo picks up the habit of torturing 100(ish) Series Realians, because they all look like the girl that took his brother away. MOMO, of course, is the queen of Sakura simulacrums, so she’s Albedo Enemy #1.

Note, again, that if this was all intended from the first episode, I want to say Albedo would have mentioned something…



Find your way back into the institute proper, and you’ll find the boys shocked to discover…



A girl! Yes, if you’re paying attention, Junior is #666, Albedo is #667, and Gaignun is #669. The missing number now stands before you. Meet Citrine, the orange-haired head girl URTV.



This is stupid, as girl type URTVs are wandering around the grounds just like boy types… but sure, let’s go with this.



Citrine has attitude to spare, and seems to hold fast to the old adage, “girls rule, boys drool.”



Note that this implies that Yuriev bred boy and girl URTVs… and then sent the girls off to their own clone colony. Where are the girls? They sure ain’t at the Yuriev Institute.



Looks like there’s a high mortality rate for the girls. The backstory for this involves something like URTVs are “naturally” male, and their chromosomes have to be modified to be female, which leads to genetic instability, and… eh, it’s all just an excuse to justify the complete lack of girl URTVs in Episode 1.



Citrine seems to be all about the mission, and… that’s it for her for this episode. Like Sellers, Citrine will reappear in Episode 3. For now, though, she’s just a little caterpillar of a plot that never flies.



Alright, finally, a scene where the kids are back in the tubes. Albedo admits that he’s not too fond of his older URTV brothers.



Seems like there’s a lot of… is there a word for clone racism? Specisim? Whatever it is, it’s hardwired in to the URTVs.



Except Junior. Junior loves everybody.



Alright, as opposed to just chilling with Sakura, this time they’re going to climb into her brain and shoot down whatever is causing this problem. That’s how medicine works, right?

CONTINUED NEXT POST

This will work because Sakura’s problem is caused by the UMN, and U-DO is the OS of the UMN, and URTVs are trained to fight U-DO… does that wash?



Oh, we’re not going back to the porch swing and happy house? Boo. Guess we're going to a beach.



Excited URTVs!



“Or maybe buy an entire space colony and build our own!”



But the lesser URTVs decide to be revolting.



See? URTVs are dicks.



Fiercely protective, this one.



D’aww, that’s what you get for defending your lessers.



And time to dive into Sakura… that came out wrong.



So the inside of Sakura’s head is a beat-up gas station, a forest, and, eventually, a beach? How does this make any sense for a girl that’s barely left her house in the year 4750!?



Welcome to Xenosaga Episode 2’s first big dungeon! Hope you survive the experience!



Looking at the clock: 4:42. Reminder that we hit XS1’s first big dungeon at 8:43, almost exactly four hours later. Xenosaga Episode 2 moves at a much better pace… but… well…



“MOMO’s Subconscious” is easily the worst dungeon in Xenosaga Episode 2. The good news is that it’s terrible for reasons that are completely independent from XS1’s Cathedral Ship. The bad news is… everything else.



First order of business: like the Encephalon Dive (Virtual World) of XS1, this place is crawling with gnosis. The gnosis are exclusively for our benefit; there is no indication that the URTV children encounter any monsters (for now). This is kind of amusing, as, while we just had a big speech on how the gnosis are destroying the galaxy, this is literally the only dungeon in the main plot of the game that features any gnosis. From here on out, it’s all mechs and biological entities, so enjoy the “monsters” while you can.



Like these lizard wizards. I want to say their little “taunt” indicates that they’ll counter whenever attacked by the indicated character… but I was never able to pin down exactly what they mean. Like… I guess this goomba is talking about Ziggy? But KOS-MOS is an unstoppable killing machine…



Speaking of, this is the first we get to use KOS-MOS, and she basically operates like Jin from the opening dungeon. Ziggy and chaos are likely to knock a monster to the ground, Jin and KOS-MOS knock monsters up into the air. Just something to remember.



And, yes, this is her swimsuit. For a swimsuit on a character that would eventually appear in the Namco X series, it’s pretty reserved.



Anyway, back to why this dungeon sucks. First and most important reason is that a LOT of this dungeon is superfluous. Like there’s this whole road that goes north to… nowhere. There’s a box and a lame treasure after three separate battles, and then you have to double back to the start. It sucks, and it’s all in service of a sidequest that comes later in the game. For now, there’s just a bunch of dead ends where you’d think there’s some reason for this area existing, but, nope, you can’t do anything because the right sidequest hasn’t been activated yet. Way to waste the player’s time, Xenosaga.



This path through the trees is the actual way you’re supposed to go.



Come to think of it, this is the first Shion is in a combat situation, assuming you didn’t try to reenter old stomping grounds back in Miltia town. She works almost exactly like MOMO, except her long range attack is a different element (I want to say… electric? Maybe beam? Both?). Like MOMO, she’s useful for the monsters that are weak to ether (as opposed to physical) attacks.



Speaking of elemental attacks, you should start using the elemental sword ethers around now. This is your typical “mystic knight” buff, and allows you to add an element to any character’s physical attacks. Given many, many monsters are specifically weak to particular elements, this can cut down battle time dramatically (and gives your physical-based heroes an excuse to use their EP pools, too). Added bonus: if a monster is weak to an element, and everyone hits that weakness, you get a damage multiplier for stacking on the pain.



And KOS-MOS is the only member of your party to use the Special command (outside of an ES… does anyone remember those at this point?) She can perform a special attack (like summoning her chain guns of doom) at the cost of some stock… but the special attacks aren’t that great. Like a lot of the Xenosaga Episode 2 Battle System, they’re extremely situational, and most of the time you’d be better served using your stock on actual, regular attacks.



A little ways into the dungeon is this inconspicuous shed.



Destroy it, and you’ll find a Forbidden Encephalon Device. This is one of three (kinda four) in the universe, and we already saw #1 back in the real world of Second Miltia (with Other Professor). What this device is doing two levels down in MOMO’s subconscious is anybody’s guess, but remember its location for after the game is over.



Alright, let’s talk about the battle system. Remember when I said that battles seem to move faster in Xenosaga Episode 2? Well, that was a bit of a… perfect situation assessment. When battles are straightforward and everyone is comparable levels, yes, XS2 battles move much faster than in XS1. However, starting with this dungeon, that ceases to be the case.

You may have noticed that, with the “Break Zone” concept and various elemental/situational weaknesses, there a number of ways to kill your enemies. This is good! Unfortunately, the designers of XS2 noticed this, and started inflating monster HP and defenses to ridiculous levels. Now, to be clear, this isn’t a Working Designs situation where the monsters last well past the point of being boring thanks to modified values; no, what’s happening here is that you’re basically expected to find the “trick” to every monster, and then repeat that trick for every encounter. If a monster is weak to ice and has a break zone of AB, you’re supposed to ice-up your weapons, hit that AB break zone, and then boost in some more super blows. If you ignore that strategy, you’re pretty much asking for the battle to double or triple in length.

Sounds simple enough, right? It’s like Pokémon, only use Super Effective attacks, and you’ll be fine.

The only problem with this whole thing is that all your best moves require a lot of windup. To boost you have to accumulate boost in the first place, and you’ll want to stock your stock gauge, too. Casting elemental sword ethers takes time, and, ultimately, to attack the enemy with the optimal load-out, you need to spend about three turns “preparing” every battle. Every battle. And this is all assuming you know the enemy’s weaknesses in the first place…

I can see the appeal of this system. As you can see in the GIF above, when you get everything flowing, you feel like a badass knocking around a monster like a ragdoll and scoring massive damage with every hit. But the drawback is obvious, and some of the most monster-infested dungeons (every one from this point on) are exhausting thanks to the time involved.

And this dungeon is where that all starts, so I’m bitter.

CONTINUED NEXT POST

Continuing on a little, there’s this suspicious rock wall, but we’re not allowed to blast it from this direction for completely arbitrary reasons.



La la la, fighting battles and wandering through nondescript forests. I don’t think we ever needed another generic wooded dungeon after the 16-bit era of JRPGs. It’s pretty much unforgivable to stick such a boring one in a game that takes place a few millennia after Earth. And we had one last game, too!



Oh yeah, pincer attacks continue to be a thing, and they continue to happen, like, all the time.



Just to spice things up the tiniest bit, you get to fell this tree to cross a river. I’d be upset about the heroes destroying nature to cross a stream that appears to be ankle deep… but it’s a double virtual world, so the environment is safe.



Here’s a big tree, and it seems like it should be relevant to something, but it’s just another piece of that sidequest you can’t start right now. But feel free to investigate around the thing trying to find the trick to it.



The next area has a stream with rocks…



And another tree to turn into a log-bridge.



The trick here is that the log will float downstream if you destroy any “obstructing” rocks. Obviously, each log stop/rock has a different reward, like if you destroy all the rocks before this one…



You’ll score a decoder key.



You can also let the log float down as far as possible to… see a really cool rock. It is, once again, another damn useless part of a sidequest.



The next area has a good log and a bad log. You can easily fall off the bad log.



And if you do, you’ll find a canyon wall that can be blasted…



And we’re back at the start(ish) of the dungeon. This would be a convenient shortcut on a revisit.



Back in the bad log neighborhood, there’s a secret path through the foliage that leads to a treasure chest. Amusingly, no one made “jumping” animations for Xenosaga Episode 2, so every time your character “jumps down” the cliff, the screen just fades out and back in.



The next area, finally, has some plot to it.



Yep, big wad of U-DO stuck in Sakura.



Albedo really missed his calling as a football star.



Incoming bad stuff!



The generic URTVs are being cut down by the U-DO waves…



And that never ends well.



By all accounts, these “monsters” are abstractions of infected URTVs. There’s evidence a little later that infected URTVs still look the same to the past-URTVs.



But we still get to fight the Monster URTVs. They’re speedy and likely to use poison attacks, but they’re not so bad.



Incidentally, as mentioned previously, Xenosaga Episode 2 is a lot more generous with savepoints. This is our third one for the area, and, depending on how you traverse the dungeon, you might loop back on the middle savepoint a couple of times. Glad to see this improvement over XS1.



Anyway, at this point the dungeon is just a straight hallway to the final boss of the area. There’s roaming packs of Monster URTVs, but it’s nothing too difficult. You should still be pretty healthy by the time you reach…



This supposed to be the beach? It doesn’t look very beachy.

CONTINUED NEXT POST

This is also not something traditionally seen at the beach.



Boss fight time! Meet Level 4, which presumably stands for “Level 4 Infection” or something.



Level 4 is Xenosaga Episode 2’s ultimate expression of the whole “stock in the beginning, then pound it when it gets dicey” boss thinking. Level 4 is practically comatose when the battle begins, but he’ll ramp up as his health goes down, and become a real nuisance if you let the battle go too long.



His Break Zone is CCBB, which means you need at least one boost just to break Level 4 in the first place (first ally performs CC, second BB). Since Level 4 is effectively the Regigigas of Xenosaga, you can chill, build your stock, fill your boost with an item, and then murder Level 4 with a series of boosted break attacks right at the top of the battle. If you don’t do that…



He’ll eventually summon Monster URTV minions of his own, and they’ll all boost and work together to break your party. Here’s Level 4 attacking a “down” Ziggy, and scoring some major damage on the poor cyborg. Combine this with the URTV’s tendency to poison your party, and, oh yeah, the fact that Level 4 can eat his minions to restore health… just kill him early.



With Level 4 down, we resume with Albedo throttling an infected URTV. See? The URTV is normal looking, so the monsters were probably just all part of MOMO’s imagination. Probably.



Albedo is ready to kill the “lesser” URTV, but Junior makes him stop.



Albedo does not like being profiled as a maniac. Dude, you’re nuts, own it. Wait, that’s bad advice…



And back to the Yuriev Institute. Uh… I guess the mission failed?



Ugh, back to ghost chasing.



Oh yes, dungeon over, and we’re at 5:58. Little over an hour for that entire area. Keep that in mind for later.



We now resume our story with the kids hanging out by the local monolith.



Looks like there’s still a little animosity lingering over that whole strangulation incident.



Yep, remember Albedo’s hyper regenerative ability? He thinks everyone has that power.



“Can we get an example?”



“Sure!”



That’s some pretty heady stuff.



Junior is pissed at Albedo’s little trick.



He’s an angry kind of concerned.



If you watch closely, you can see the exact moment Albedo’s sanity snaps.



Just about there…



Here we are. Albedo suddenly realizes that Queen was right about living forever.



And the scene ends with everyone having a good cry.



“I don’t know, chewing on tree bark? I’m his brother, I’m not psychic. … Wait.”



“The boy ain’t quite been right.”

CONTINUED NEXT POST

chaos chuckles to himself for no particular reason.




Welp, guess we have Ziggy’s take on the situation. By the by, if you’re keeping track, Ziggy, chaos, KOS-MOS, and MOMO all have… let’s say unusual expected lifespans.



Also a reminder that Junior was just telling the century old cyborg that he should upgrade his parts to live a lil’ longer just yesterday.



Ew?



Oh… that’s… sweet?



Eh, still kinda gross.



Here’s where we try to science up a reason for Junior and Albedo’s powers. Junior has the ability to “stop” cell growth… which I’m pretty sure would be instantly fatal. Your cells are doing stuff for a reason, Junior! Anyway, that’s the reason Junior is still a “kid” while Albedo and Gaignun grew up: he is literally and metaphorically in a state of arrested development.



Albedo, meanwhile, has the ability to stimulate cell growth. This makes sense for all of five seconds, and then you realize that if someone is decapitated, their head doesn’t grow back slowly because of “slow cells”, it just doesn’t grow back at all. Or maybe our cells are just lazy? And then there’s the matter of Albedo’s clothes and hairstyle returning after each fresh maiming…

Xenosaga, you should have just called it magic ether and called it a day.



Shion gonna Shion. Even though Albedo tried to personally murder her and blow up her home planet, she still just wants to see the estranged brothers reconcile. Ziggy, meanwhile, is checking the UMN for diseases that will kill a mutant with accelerated cell growth.



Ah ha ha it’s funny because the entire universe is in danger.



Back to the lab. Looks like Helmer decided to swing in for this one.



Aw, he’s such a good dad (no he isn’t).



And it’s Helmer’s first day seeing the URTVs.



Juli has some child-endangerment concerns.



And Helmer expresses similar reservations about a child mutant army. For the record, he seems most concerned about the kids themselves, and not the obvious concern a military man might have about sending literal children to fight an unknowable, god-like force (that is God).



But let’s push past that. Looks like the kids are going on a playdate (last time this led to how many mutant freakouts?).



Wait, this looks familiar…



OH U-DO, WE HAVE TO DO THIS STUPID DUNGEON ALL OVER AGAIN!? That was an hour of my life! And we have to do it again? Screw this noise, I’m going home!

Next time on Xenosaga: A farewell to arms.

Yes, haven't you seen the documentary film Fantastic Voyage?