Xenosaga: Was mi�riert

And notes that Miltia changed the man in a tone that denotes Miltia was not a fun time.



Because Shion is a misery magnet, of course she’s from Miltia.



And it ain’t because of overcrowding.



I’d make some kind of “this is like talking to a New Yorker that was there for September 11th” type of comment…



But the parallels are more than a little obvious. No, I’m not claiming that a game released in Japan in early 2002 was already using a 9/11 allegory, but it does make for an simple tragedy comparison. The fact that Shion is so… chipper about the event gives us yet another level of insight into the pulsating wad of repression that is the Chief of Vector R&D.



Reminded of Miltia, Shion contemplates her own necklace. Or maybe her cleavage? It’s probably the necklace.



OH RIGHT THAT THING WE’RE DOING.



We're missing the chili cook-off!



We finally regain some semblance of control… and I turn right around and aim Shion back into that lab for some reason.



Oh, look, we got an email.



I remember someone was complaining about this ruining their run-through, but if you don’t double back and go somewhere you have absolutely no reason to go, you’ll miss this all important email, and if you don’t reply to this email immediately and play a guessing game correctly every time, then you’ll miss out on some monster pot of cash later in the game. It’s absolute JRPG bullshit, and it’s about as interesting as a bag of creamed corn, so we’ll be mostly ignoring the quest, but, assuming you’re playing the game “straight”, it’s practically essential.



Plot to care about: the whole gist of this email exchange is that some unscrupulous hacker is using AI for nefarious means, and it’s up to you to catch him. As an optional, usually missed side quest, this has no impact on the plot, but it does give us some redundant insight into Shion’s beliefs. Did you know Shion cares about all AI? It’s true!



Bun-Bun is happy to have a master that cares about AI. Or he’s just programmed to say that.



Anyway, remember to reply to this email that you’re helping, or you’ll miss out on the Zodiac Spear.



Ugh, fudge, this update never ends. Here’s a drilling mini game featuring a guy who is all about the real Mr. Driller… well, real as Pac-Man, anyway.



It’s basically a crane game. If you win this game, you get a Drill Pass that allows you to play anytime, and then you can, eventually, win a swimsuit. Oh boy.



Assuming you don’t participate, and miss this Drill Pass, then it’s gone forever, and you’ll never get to play this super fun mini-game ever again. This is not really a loss.



Oh, Shion got another email, and it’s announcing the fact that the Xenosaga Wikipedia is now available through the UMN. Now anytime someone uses a term that’s completely baffling, you can look it up, and find out what the hell is going on.



Here it is: a happy little database. Aw, it’s represented by a set of books, like anyone would understand that iconography thousands of years from now.



Here’s the entry on that previously mentioned DME addiction that seemed to be affecting Virgil. Oh, turns out you get it from… eating… Realians. Errm… who let Virgil in the Realian Lab?



Here’s a NPC that is sucking up to his video game designing creators. Bad news, buddy, it ain’t gonna save you.



To his right, you can enter a random dude’s quarters and use his savepoint. Shion does her best to maintain eye contact while doing her business.



This guy lost the key to his quarters. Look, I’ll level with you, as I’ve been constantly alluding to, everyone on this ship is going to die within about an hour or so, and this whole portion of the game is just the game doing its best to get you to care about all these “real people” before they get absolutely wrecked by a perfect storm of death. As such, the NPCs are all babbling about either general gnosis concern (because that’s what’s gonna kill ‘em), mundane nonsense (because they’re just normal folk like your or I), or some specific gobbledygook about whatever landmark happens to be closest (because JRPG). I’m withholding shots of the like ninety NPCs that are all talking about how they’re three days from retirement. Anyway, we’ll see Forgetful here again when he’s a literal bloody pulp, and we’ll all feel very sad. Look forward to it!



Like the disappearing dudes inconveniencing Strickland, this dude is just nothing but bothered by entire planets vanishing. You’d think this would be more of a concern.



Woof, another email from Miyuki. Girl needs to get a blog. I think this email starts off a chain of emails that can eventually score you a pretty good weapon for KOS-MOS, but, ugh, these emails are so boring.

CONTINUED NEXT POST

Speaking of sidequests, here’s this guy.



Sergeant Swain is all about these red doors we’ve been seeing around (well, actually, he’s just into doors in general… gotta have a hobby), and explains what you may have already suspected: there are corresponding keys to all these doors, and why don’t you go catch ‘em all. Amusingly, the game goes out of its way to explain that these doors exist because the nanobots that build everything in the future are bored, and, rather than start a robot uprising or something, they’re just building extraneous doors into all structures to pass the time. In all honesty, I love this, and I pray Hedonism Bot is hiding behind one of these doors.



Anyway, now we’ve got a UMN plug-in that logs what doors are where, what keys we’ve collected, and which doors have been unlocked. It’s a pretty good setup.



Some confirmation here that the average person doesn’t even know if the gnosis are real. Reminder: KOS-MOS’s prime function is to eliminate gnosis, and that function is also part of the name of the AGWS. This guy could look at a rice cooker and wonder if side dishes are a global conspiracy.



Remember when we gave that guy our email? Well, now that that happened, we receive promotional emails from Namco. Anybody remember Ninja Assault for the PS2? It used the Guncon 2, but wasn’t Time Crisis, so I’m guessing the answer is no.

Did you know? You could email, in real life, bunnie@namco.com around the time of Xenosaga’s release, and you’d win a real, tangible keychain shipped free to your door. It was a pretty cool little collectible. I know this because of course I participated, and I don’t think I ever received any snail mail spam as a result of the promotion, either. Good on you, Namco.



Me too, Shion. Me too.



And here’s some crappy video gamin’.



These guys are here, and they’re a kind of soft tutorial on how to avoid enemy encounters once that starts being important.



For one thing, this entire minigame is redundant, because you already went through a full tutorial dungeon to get here. Secondly, these guys are much harder to avoid than any enemy you’ll actually face on this ship. And third, and most importantly, this whole stupid minigame is appalling, because, like Sonic the Hedgehog 2006, every time you fail, you have to jump through the same stupid loading and dialogue hoops just to get back to the minigame, and then you can fail the minigame in, no exaggeration, a second. Never design a minigame that takes longer to access than it does to play.



I gave it about three tries before abandoning the whole experience. Screw you guys. I won’t be sad when you’re dead.



Tucked away in some corner, we find our first shop. It’s got a collection of potions, ethers, tents, phoenix downs, and the consumable Run command. There’s also a collection of useless accessories. I kid you not, in Japan, the biosphere is called “space tent”.



Even the random pop idols of the Xenosaga universe have vaguely religious names. Note that in Japan, they’re the Spice Sisters, because they are likely to tell you what they want, what they really really want.



OH MY GOD WE FOUND THE BRIDGE. GUYS! IT’S THE BRIDGE! OUR TIRELESS QUEST IS OVER!



I love that Shion is ten minutes late. She phased into another dimension while staring down a monolith, forgot her homework, had to swing by her quarters, fixed a room full of Realians, debated the nature of artificial intelligence, played Mr. Driller, learned a lesson about doors, did some shopping, played tag, read a dozen emails, and surfed Wikipedia for a little while. She’s ten minutes late.



The bridge crew reviews the KOS-MOS data. Despite the implied confidentiality of the project, they’re projecting this data for everybody in the immediate area. PowerPoint OF THE FUTURE.



Shion confides that KOS-MOS isn’t ready to go. ("It" is the data, by the way)



This jerk-off doesn’t take it well.



This is kind of important: he points out that, basically, the whole big ship here really only has KOS-MOS as a means of gnosis defense. This is poor planning on everyone’s part, but as far as Shion’s responsibility goes, it means that she’s in charge of the levies, and if there’s a flood, everyone’s death is on her head. Sure, it’s not even raining yet, but come on, wake up your robot or everybody could die seems like a pretty straightforward choice.



We are all going to die, Shion.



Oh, but hey, Cherenkov refers to KOS-MOS as a thing. That does not end well for people.



Captain Gonnadie intercedes, and encourages Cherenkov to go kick puppies somewhere else.



Captain Gonnadie is a nice guy, but he also refers to KOS-MOS as a thing… just in a nicer manner. There’s something here about bigotry and casually using hurtful terms that further perpetuate stereotypes, but this update is long enough as is, and I’m starting to forget my own name.



Cherenkov would love to berate everyone in the immediate area some more, but his pager is vibrating, and he’s gotta run.



The Cap’n is also tired of this nonsense, and isn’t as concerned about the lives of every man, woman, and child on this ship.



He knows that genius takes time, and recommends Shion just go to bed. Gladly!

CONTINUED NEXT POST

Miyuki sends us yet another email, and this one officially starts that email chain that can earn you a KOS-MOS weapon. Miyuki is quickly reaching Allen-levels of aggravating, and we haven’t even seen her yet.



Though she does send along Shion’s arm thingy (the one we used already in the game was just a virtual simulation) just in case any battles happen to show up in real life. Boy, I sure hope that doesn’t happen!



After gaining the MWS, Shion notes that she’s exhausted from all this interacting with humans nonsense, and needs some sleep. You can either explore this “town” for the last time, or nap your way to the Woglinde’s destruction. I’m opting for sleepy time.



Not like the game just shortcuts you back to the room, mind you, you’ve got to walk the whole way. Oh well, at least it gives you a better understanding of the layout of the ship, ya know, just in case you ever need to know that in an emergency situation.



And we’ve got a cut to a mysterious dark room where Cherenkov is being reprimanded for his incompetence. I am all for this.

“…That was a grave mistake, Cherenkov. I believe I already warned you about the dangers of the Zohar. You should have been more careful while retrieving it.”

“Yes, Sir. I'm afraid there's no excuse for the fatalities that occurred during the recovery. However, we can…”



Mysterious other voice is stone cold. Also, I’m starting to get the impression that no one puts a high value on life in this universe.



Doesn’t this guy just look friendly? Oh, and I guess we got a name for our giant, golden monolith. It’s a Zohar. I’m sure you all already knew that, but I think this is the first we get a name in-game.



Cherenkov gets the news that Shadowy Dude has a fleet incoming to rendezvous. This is bad news, because the only reason he’d even bother to do such a thing would be to intercept the… bum bum buuuuum… gnosis.



And Cherenkov also gets the order to protect the Zohar at all costs. All. Costs.



We don’t know which branch of the shadow conspiracy these dorks belong to, but they’re not the government, and they’re not Vector. A third column. Great.



“It” in this case is KOS-MOS, and our shadowed schemer implies that Cherenkov should know how powerful “it” is. So I guess we know this guy is a bad dude, then, and that Cherenkov is hiding more than just ulterior motives.



Oh, and that dude’s name is Commander Margulis. We’ll look at him more when he’s kidnapping little girls and fighting cyborgs.



And back to Shion’s room, where she’s making an excuse to the television about not going home.



Oh, wait, she’s skyping with her brother. Jin Uzuki is super duper important to Xenosaga, but not Xenosaga Episode 1, where this is his only appearance. So remind me in 2021 when Episode 2 starts, and we’ll look at him in more detail.



Shion is pissed off at Jin, basically, trying to honor their deceased parents. On one hand, come on Shion, stop being a jerk about your brother grieving. On the other hand, Jin is alluding to the fact that he’s a practicing Buddhist, which is cool in our world, but I can understand why Shion would be pissed off, as she’s already paling around with people that knew Jesus. Like, literally, they used to hang out. Shion kind of has the inside track on which religion is confirmed “true” in her universe, so I can understand being a little short with nonbelievers. Well, either that or she just has no time for her weird brother.



Okay, yeah, maybe she just thinks Jin is weird.



And she turns Jin off. See you next game, Jin!



Shion, you just called him stupid for honoring your deceased parents. Maybe try to meet him halfway next time?



Alright, last chance before you kiss peace good-bye. You want to play that drilling minigame again? No?



Shion checks out her pendant again as she gets ready for bed. Wait… you sleep in those clothes? Gross.

Night night, Shion.

As Shion slumbers, let’s discuss what we’ve seen here. This whole area is one of the main reasons I decided to do a screenshot LP, because if this were video, you’d be experiencing about an hour of me simply shouting into a mic, “EXPOSITION IS HAPPENING!” because that’s basically every cutscene. We took some time to establish the Xenosaga universe, how it works, its unique creatures (like Realians), and how people interact in this strange, far-flung future. On the other hand, a lot of time with NPCs (and you only see about 10% of that in this LP) is spent reaffirming that future humans are just humans, all bummed out about missing dates, playing with heavy machinery, and worried about space hurricanes (gnosis attacks).

Additionally, this is a Xeno game, and Xeno games love themselves some destroying the first town clichés, so hopefully this tour of the Woglinde generated some kind of attachment to the place and its people, because this spot is about to turn into a flaming bloodbath. You should care about that.

All in all, I can certainly see what they were going for, but it takes way too long to get there, and, while your mileage may vary, the Woglinde feels nowhere near as “homey” as the opening towns of Xenogears or Xenoblade Chronicles. A pile of sterile hallways will do that.

Anyway, Shion is off to dreamland, so next time we’ll…



Oh, Christ, can you go for like ten minutes without having a prophetic dream? Is the Woglinde passing over Twin Peaks?



Yes, yes, creepy little redhead. Don’t you have somewhere to be?



Ohhh a mysterious figure in the shadows! Who could it be? And does he wear tiny little useless shorts?



This is vaguely new: turns out Red is watching Shion sleep, so she’s kinda sorta in the real world? Like, at least this is the first time we’re seeing her not through Shion’s awareness (or assumed awareness, like when she was sneaking up on her earlier).



And Red pensively peers out at the vastness of space. Does she know what’s coming? Is this omen for good or ill? Who can say for sure?

NEXT TIME ON XENOSAGA: Everybody dies.

Aw man, you didn't even talk about the part where Shion can optionally punch out a robot!

Getting to re-experience Xenosaga and finally see the insanity from the following shitty games without having to play any of them? SIGN ME UP FOR MORE

While I have no interest in trying to play the series again, as someone who finds sci-fi jRPGs to be more intriguing than the way too standard medieval kind I'll definitely be watching. I'm interested in seeing just how crazy Xenosaga goes.

Definitely. For all the problems Xenosaga has with cutscene length, at least it's got choreography.

I'm guessing a big part of it is budget concerns, but anime portraits talking back and forth with one another have become way too commonplace in jRPGs in recent years. And they're a really boring way to present cutscenes.

Decent JRPGs at least take the time to spice it up with different expression portraits, but even that is a partial thing.

Also this is some pretty good LP-work so far, but y'all already knew that.

Unus Mundus would be Latin for "One World" except for the fact that it's grammatically incorrect.

Like me? (There were a few things from this update I could have onomastically commented on but I'm not sure if people find that interesting at all or just annoying. Also, FYI - I have never played any of the Xeno games [except for Xenophobe] so all of my knowledge of their "quirks" are second-hand.)

Oh you.


I remember that Xenosaga had an anime based on it, it was kinda on the crummy side and fairly forgettable except for its odd decision to leave Virgil alive after the Woglinde explodes. He basically stands in for another character and as a result the anime completely disregarded an entire scenario from the game. At the end the script writers probably realized 'oh crap this Virgil guy HAS to die' and offed him in a remarkably stupid way.

The anime never made it to Episode II, fortunately enough.

wait what

i know what i'm doing with my negative free time, because this sounds magical

Prepare to be disappointed.

I mean, knock yourself out if you want to see how it turned out but I'm speaking as someone who considered himself a fan of this series and I could barely get through it.

I think it used to be on Netflix? It might have been removed, though, but maybe it's still up in the States? Otherwise try Hulu or Crunchyroll or something, they probably have it.

When you think about it, it's kind of amazing that one of the go-to names for things trying to lay on the CHRISTIAN SYMBOLISM real thick is a Roman Poet who died two decades before Christ was born.

Because some OTHER dude who was born 1200 years after Christ died used him as a character in a scathing political tract/fan fiction.

It's a funny old world.

Loving the LP so far! Keep it up!

It looks like we're only barely through the first major area and already Bob is feeling the burn.

Posting to cheer you on man! Everything so far has been just superb. fun to read, insightful and good editing. I'm remembering why I enjoyed this game.

Its reminding me of FF7 right now.

What? Oh, no. This is effectively the prologue. We haven't even started yet.

RANDOM REPLIES!

1. I missed the robot, and I apologize. To be clear, this isn't a walk through, and I'm not going to hit every single sidequest, because I want this thing to end before the heat death of the universe. I'm also not, if I can help it, using a FAQ, so it's pretty inevitable that I'm going to miss some stuff. That said, I remembered the robot bit after you mentioned it, and, yeah, whoops, dammit.

2. I encourage anyone who wants to over-analyze the names to have a field day. I'm going to address some of the more important names when this is all over (IE Here's Virgil, here's what he did, is Virgil a good name for Virgil?), and since that's going to be forever from now, feel free to chime in with whatever. Not like I can say I'm only going to analyze these dudes after they die, because death is not a detriment in this universe. Come to think of it, as BEAT notes, that's true of the "real" Virgil, too...

3. Please avoid the Xenosaga anime, it really is the most boring thing. ... And I might do something with it between Episode breaks.

4. Yeah, this is the prologue, and I'm feeling the burn, but that's because this is like the most terrible part to LP, as everything needs an explanation, and there isn't much actual game playing. On the plus side, the next part is one of my favorite JRPG bits, like, ever, so things should get a little easier.

And thank you for all the words of encouragement. Seriously, it's appreciated.

IIRC, there's 30 minutes solid of FMV after this zone.

Pft, only 30? Just wait until we get to the Song of Nephilim, that bit's like a TV special.

Been enjoying reading these, Gogglebob. Never played these, and I find your writing to be a great way of exposing myself to this series. Keep it going!

To sate my Xeno thirst brought on by this thread, I was gonna go grab the obligatory text speed patch for Xenogears and play it.

Only to discover that there is not, in fact, a text speed patch for the game.

Someone has made a 2.0 patch that restores Japanese voice acting and controls, fixes some minor bugs, and adds subtitles, but they refused to change the text speed for "artistic integrity." To be fair, they did all the heavy lifting for that patch, so they can do whatever they wanna do, but.... really, guys?



what is this world
xeno- fans are batshit, man

*plays Xenoblade Chronicles 3DS instead*

EDIT: Oh hey, apparently the GIA has us covered here, you just need a GameShark: Text speed code stuff

Yes, this. I won't ever play these games, and I can't think of a better way to consume them than this.

I thought it was closer to 60 minutes, interrupted halfway through by a save prompt... but my memory is pretty hazy.

Just checked (I've been screenshotting all night). It's about 35 minutes. But there's great stuff on either end of it!

Of this actually comes up later in the LP, feel free to shut me down, but all the Xeno games are related to some degree, right? Like, the Saga games are telling the story that leads up to Gears and Blade is... Also related somehow, I am sure (still working through that), but each entry was made by a different publisher. So do any recurring characters belong to Monolith or the publisher? Or are they just slightly tweaked versions of existing characters.

Is Xenoblade X going to revolve around the actions of Eei, Felly and Dr. Mitten?

The Saga games are kindasorta related to Gears but in an unofficial capacity due to rights shenanigans, so it's more noddy-winky stuff.

Blade is not connected to Saga or Gears at all. It's its own thing.

The first part of Dante's Trillogy has inspired thousands writers in other mediums who never ever read it.

Xenosaga and Xenogears are as connected as they're allowed to be: there are a number of characters that "echo" similar characters in 'gears, which is sort of how it should be, as Saga takes place thousands of years before Gears. For instance, as I've been sort of alluding to, "Red", the little red headed girl, looks an awful lot like a child version of Elly, and she's wearing some similar jewelry. In a game or so, we'll see Jin Uzuki, and he may as well be a distant relative of Citan Uzuki, though, of course, they can't legally draw that connection. All the same, I'll be pointing out more Gears references as we go. It gets surprisingly overt as we near the end of each game.

Blade Chronicles is, technically, not connected, though, given how its universe is eventually (like finale) revealed to work, it could be wedged into practically any timeline, so I'm going to claim Xenoblade Chronicles takes place in the far off future of the Mushroom Kingdom. That said, Chronicles shares a LOT of themes and philosophies with Gears and Saga, so it's not like it's completely divorced. Also, the next part will draw some serious comparisons to Blade, incidentally.

And speaking of the next update, what's the preference here: One giant 13 part update, or a 9 part update, followed later by a 5 part update? Up to you guys, works the same for me either way.

Can you just post the rest of the updates now?

Thanks.

I'd break it into two, leave some room for discussion.