I've got a Job for you! - Let's Play Final Fantasy V!

Yeah, didn't think so. So you're saying that Sky Render has !Stolen your Thundaga?
!Flee!

There are a few instances near the beginning that others wake up Bartz, I think. But by the time Bartz is the only male he's pretty much always the first to recover from anything.

Still mad Lenna doesn't have a princess dress.

Hey, it's Japan!

There is a reason I always draw Bartz with a dopey overbite.

Also: Lenna's Ending Montage is just a scene of her doing something for someone, then falling over due to poisonous thorns/poisonous dragon grass/whatever it was killing her. It's kind of funny that her most badass scenes always end with her laid flat and dying.

Why does everyone hate Krile again?

1. She's a Mary-Sue of a character who can solve any problem simply by pulling a new previously-unmentioned power out of her ass.
2. She's the cause an annoying fetch quest in world 2.
3. She joins the party to replace Galuf, who was awesome, without having any real awesomeness of her own to replace that.
4. She's a little kid, and little kids are always annoying in video games.
5. She acts like she's been with the party the whole time when in fact she barely spends any time with them at all.
6. She doesn't face the right way in battle; it's unnerving.

Remember at the end of Old Yeller after Old Yeller dies and the kid get a new puppy and and they try to act like everything is happy right after a heart-wrenching scene? Okay, Krile isn't exactly like Young Yeller, but it's the first thing that sprang to mind.

Also, she's all deus ex Moogle in the second half of the game.

And yes, I did just spoiler-text a 50-year-old movie, what of it?

For the same reason(s) they hate Penny Gadget.

Krile's more caring than Lenna, stronger than Bartz, and more courageous than Faris.

Oh, and she's better with animals than Lenna and Bartz.

No way, Penny is awesome and doesn't join the story in season three.

Krile is a mary sue and clearly was an afterthought, as evidenced by her different sprite style.

Part XXIV - To Infinity and Beyond

Last time... was the last time. Seriously, that was it. Finito. No more. Game over, man, game over. However, that doesn't mean we're out of things to do. As a bonus for our persistence in finishing this game, we can now access the bonus dungeon!



You may recall that sea trench from before. Well now that our save file has a star on it, we can enter the dungeon proper!

(Today's update is in Mysterious Mauve, because mysteeeeerious!)



It seems we're expected.



In we go! For reference, the party is rockin' Masamune and Rune Axe on Lenna, Brave Blade and Rune Blade on Bartz, Ragnarok on Krile, and Excalibur on Faris. Don't expect that to last long, however; this place is filled with new weapons.



♪♪ The Ancient Library ♪♪

The Sealed Temple
Enemies: Mini Satana, Assassin, Soul Eater, Behemoth, Dark Elemental (1), Dark Elemental (2), Dark Elemental (3), Exoray, Duelist, Medusa, Dinozombie, Claret Dragon, Ironclad, Hades, most of the Rift enemies too

This place is surprisingly massive, almost as much so as the Interdimensional Rift. And it's also HORRIBLY desgined. Seriously, I've seen better mapping in amateur RPG Maker titles. Hell, I've done better mapping in amateur RPG Maker titles!



I mean look at this. Shameful. This looks exactly what a prefab RPG Maker 2003 dungeon looks like, I'm not even kidding. Super-wide corridors with no architecture to speak of, no interesting design quirks, just walls and floor. The original Final Fantasy had better mapping than this!



Oh yeah, and the encounter rate here is RIDICULOUSLY HIGH. In the spirit of early NES FF games, the encounter rate ranges from 1 to 127 steps between fights, usually closer to 1 than to 127. Apparently "bonus" and "torturous" are synonymous at Square Enix. Either that or the FF9 devteam came up with the encounter rate. HEYOOO!



♪♪ Fate in Haze ♪♪

Through a nearby door is this... Wind Shrine knock-off with inappropriate music. Sorry, no other way to describe it. Most every location in this bonus dungeon uses that track, actually...



Hey, remember these bastards? Yeah, they still think they're in the Fork Tower and counter everything non-magical with 9999-damage attacks.



Most of the chests in this place have useless Cannoneer ammo in them.



Falling down a pit leads to this strange cave.



I HATE THESE THINGS. They constantly spam powerful magic attacks, are immune to !Zeninage, and absorb random elements. !Rapid Fire or MP-burning Bahamut summoning is the only way to beat them reliably. Or, you know, you can slip on 4 Reflect Rings and effectively neutralize their threat.



Oh goody, more Fork Tower assholes to ruin my day...



Skull switches to open the way. How horribly creative of you, bonus dungeon team.



Oh yeah, I didn't mention it before, but enemies in here give insane experience. If you want to level-grind and can deal with the annoyance factor of the encounters and bad dungeon design, this place is top-notch.



We find one of our first unique new weapons in this cave! The Mace of Zeus is a staff for mage-types. It doesn't appear to have any unique properties beyond being the only staff you can wield two-handed, though.

The high encounter rate in this dungeon can be hell, as it really burns through the MP. Fortunately, the party has just the !Mixed drink to fix that problem. It's a lovely little Hi-Potion/Ether concoction they call the Balm of Gilead, or Half-Elixir if you prefer those other more literal translations. It really is half of an Elixir too, the part most people use them for: it restores all of the target's MP. It tastes just like strawberry Kool-Aid, too! Given that Elixirs cost 50,000 Gil a pop, HP restoration is already a snap, and an Ether and Hi-Potion will set you back 1,860 Gil, it's not hard to see why this !Mix is awesome.



Turns out that area was just a treasure trove (and an annoyance, too). After falling down a conveniently placed hole, now we're in some place called the Hall of Watchmen. Hey, as long as there's no giant blue naked guys, I think we can handle it.



And through a nearby door is some place called the River of Souls. ...This place doesn't make a lot of sense.



The local wildlife is mean as hell. Behemoths, taking after their enormous King Behemoth bretheren in FFX, cast Meteor upon death. Meteor in FFX is kinda a quaint attack that magic defense nullifies by and large. Meteor in FF5 is a death sentence and a half that randomly kills 1 to 4 allies unless your level is quite healthy. I hate you, Behemoths. One good thing, though: if you Berserk them via a Blessed Kiss, they cannot finish the fight with Meteor (or indeed, counter every attack like they normally do).



Ohh, another rare goody! This one is cool: it boosts fire/ice/lightning resistance and provides the same defense as Crystal Armor, except it also provides some magic defense on top of its already-impressive stats. Anyway, the rest of this area is blocked off, so back to the Hall of Watchmen we go!



Just one dose is enough to soften petrification curses that're so strong, even gold needles just bounce off. Of course, it's not like I've got anything to use it on anymore...

This dude is hanging out here for some reason. I'm sure his super-gold-needle there will be necessary at some point in this dungeon, but he won't give it to us. Boo!



Most of the travel in this place is actually handled by these things. It's sort of like the warp panels in the Interdimensional Rift, only lazier.



That one took us to the basement of the River of Souls, as it so happens.



Is that... a purple Ghido!?



Uh...



Oh (Gil) snap(per).



It went surprisingly well, actually. Gil Turtle is not immune to Blessed Kiss, and Blessed Kiss + Golem = neutralized Gil Turtle. He can't even finish the fight with Earthquake! Berserk is surprisingly good at neutralizing threats, did you notice? Just remember that Golem can only take 2 hits like that! He even drops a Grand Helm, one of the new rare equipment items! Of course, since it's not a Ribbon, it's not ever going to get equipped.



At the deepest level, we find this guy.

Not running yet, huh? Well, if you wanna get to where the REAL bad stuff is, you gotta prove yourselves to me, first. So, to test your might, I want you to go out and catch me a strong mosnter, like...ehh...a behemoth, that'll do! Got it? I don't want you to kill it-just capture it and bring it back here. Try checking the Titan's Grotto, it's crawling with behemoths! It's past the caves with the waterfalls.

Oh joy, a fetch quest... Still, we have a Kornago Gourd, so it won't be THAT hard...



On the way back, we win a Dragon's Whisker from a Stingray. This is the ultimate whip, which isn't saying a lot. As its name implies, it does bonus danage to dragons.

Eventually the party loops back to the castle from before, where a locked door contains a Twintania look-alike.



While this is an interesting dungeon, we need to leave for a bit to stock up.



We're gonna get 99 of every buyable !Mix ingredient. Oh yes, let's look at the highlights of the !Mix command for a moment, shall we? !Mix of course consumes 2 items to generate useful effects. These vary from "why would you bother?" to "holy shit is that game-breaking". To wit:

A List of Useful Mixes
Potion + Ether: X-Potion (recovers all HP)
Potion/Hi-Potion + Phoenix Down: Resurection (revives the target with full HP and MP)
Potion/Hi-Potion + Dragon Fang: Dragon Power (raises target's level by 20)
Hi-Potion + Ether: Balm of Gilead (recovers all MP)
Hi-Potion + Turtle Shell: Triple Ether (recovers 320 MP)
Ether + Phoenix Down: Reincarnate (revives the target with full HP and MP)
Ether + Maiden's Kiss: Lilith's Kiss (steals MP from the target)
Ether + Eye Drops: Resist Fire (makes fire attacks heal the target)
Ether + Dragon Fang: Dragon Shielding (makes fire/ice/lightning attacks heal the target)
Phoenix Down + Maiden's Kiss: Kiss of Life (revives the target with 50% HP and full MP)
Phoenix Down + Holy Water: Lifeshield (prevents instakill attacks)
Phoenix Down + Turtle Shell: Remedy (cures all status ailments)
Phoenix Down + Antidote: Resist Ice (makes ice attacks heal the target)
Phoenix Down + Eye Drops: Resist Thunder (makes thunder attacks heal the target)
Phoenix Down + Dragon Fang: Dragon Defense (doubles defense and magic defense)
Maiden's Kiss + Holy Water: Blessed Kiss (puts Berserk, Haste, Image on target)
Maiden's Kiss + Turtle Shell: Succubus Kiss (drains HP from the target)
Maiden's Kiss + Dragon Fang: Dragon Kiss (makes the target Dragon/Heavy)
Holy Water + Antidote: Samson's Might (raises the target's level by 10)
Holy Water + Eye Drops: Elemental Power (raises the target's damage output of fire/ice/lightning attacks by 50%)
Holy Water + Dragon Fang: Holy Breath (deals holy-elemental damage to the target)
Turtle Shell + Turtle Shell: Protect Drink (puts Protect and Shell on target)
Turtle Shell + Antidote: Turtle Soup (halves the target's defense)
Turtle Shell + Eye Drops: Hasty-ade (puts Haste on the target)
Dragon Fang + Dragon Fang: Dragon Breath (deals fire/ice/lightning damage to the target)
Dragon Fang + Dark Matter: Dark Breath (deals high dark damage to the target)
Dark Matter + Dark Matter: Shadowflare (deals high non-elemental damage to the target)

You can see how some of those are especially broken, like Resurrection. !Mix is sort of like having an all-in-one !White, !Black, !Time, and !Blue commandset that uses items instead of MP. Its sole drawback is that every !Mix is single-target, which isn't too hard to deal with when everyone has the command on hand.

Oh, and if you think !Mix is broken in FF5, you should see its FFX counterpart. FFX's Mix Overdrive is why the No Customize/No Sphere Grid/No Summon challenge exists. What I wouldn't give for a Quartet of 9 or Trio of 9999 concoction in FF5, let me tell you...



Returning, we get our choice of a few new options on where to go.



The left one goes to the top of the River of Souls, the other to the middle. Either one goes where we want to go, so score. (The chest is just a Dark Matter.)



Oh yeah, we need one of these, huh? Easily caught. A Blessed Kiss, a !Rapid Fire, and it's all ours.



Well, a promise is a promise. I'll let you move on to the "next level," heh heh.

Goody-goody gumdrops!



Indeed, strange turban-wearing man in a cave full of deadly monsters! Indeed! Time to backtrack and fight about a billion enemies on the way.



Doors are known for doing that, yes.



The inside of the temple at least has somewhat decent design (though it's still miles behind FF5's normal dungeons). It also has a nice new weapon for us! This dagger is embarrassingly more powerful than Excalibur.



Oh gee I totally would not have called that a super-petrified monster how ever will I get past this I just do not know.



There's a big stone statue in your way? Well, it's a sure thing that this stuff can soften it right up! Okay, I'll give you some-but there's some, er, small print. Remember when I said it lasted for "hours on end"? I actually meant "five minutes". So, whatever you want moved, you'd better get done within five minutes, capiche? ...You still want it, right? > Yes / No

Oh I just love arbitrary time limits, don't you?



And so starts a countdown timer to reach the goddamn statue.

We made it with a minute to spare! It helps that countdown timers freeze when you're in sub-menus in battle.



Here we go...



Woot! Timer goes away!



♪♪ Decisive Battle ♪♪

Grand Aevis here is our opponent. Thank goodness the timer quit, because there's no WAY we could beat him in just 1 minute! His Dark Elemental cronies are no threat thanks to our Reflect Rings.



Did you know Blaster can be reflected? Not that anything in this fight is affected by it, mind.



Wing Attack can't, but come on. That kind of damage isn't gonna make THIS party flinch!



!Zeninage is not a viable option here.



!Rapid Fire barely is.



Oh yeah, he uses Zombie Breath. Great. Oh well, not like I don't have a crapton of Holy Water.



With his Dark Elements gone, !Rapid Fire is doing far better!



And then they revive. It's one of THESE fights...



Hey, remember Breath Wing? It's still scaled to your max HP in damage, and I still am not intimidated. I can mix X-Potions, bitch, you're gonna have to do worse than that.



♪♪ Victory Fanfare ♪♪

Grand Aevis doesn't even get a cool death animation. Weakling.



Our reward is another of the new unique weapons! It can cause confusion, but other than that, there's nothing particularly noteworthy about it.



♪♪ Fate in Haze ♪♪

A short walk littered with encounters later, and now we're in a new section, Heart of Ronka. Yet again, inappropriate music. (Those chests have Ethers and Fuma Shurikens. Most of the non-new-equipment chests are snoozefests like that.)

Another new rare equipment item! It's an accessory that greatly reduces elemental attacks and boosts evasion by 10%. Great find!



And another new equipment item! Kagenui, as you may remember from FF6, is a ninja blade that causes Stop at random. Also great find!



This looks familiar... And it works exactly like in Ghido's cave: rock goes in chest, path opens up.



Behind door #1 is another of the new rare items! This one kinda sucks, though; it just boosts Strength and attack power by a paltry amount.



Beyond door #2 is crap, door #4 is a dead end, and door #3 leads to this, the next area.



Another new rare! Apocalypse is an awesome new knightly sword that still is outmatched in power by the Brave Blade. Them's the breaks, but it does outclass Ragnarok slightly!



Deep below Heart of Ronka (the chains all lead to this area), there's a warp point. Where does it lead?



Back outside! Complete with a cheeky SMB3 reference! We're stocked to take on the whole goddamn world right now, so let's keep going instead.



No, we're not back at the River of Souls. This is the Abyssal Falls, right below Heart of Ronka.



There's a problem for ya: the way forward is blocked by a seal! So where's the seal-breaker?



This is the same routine as in Istory Falls, only you need both Dash AND Auto-Run on to get the chest and get back. It's just a Coral Ring, too; what a ripoff.



Actually, the chest isn't the one that needs that combo; getting to the other side for HERE is what needs it.



This looks ominous.



Ahh, it's a blocked warp point!



Dude, how many people live in this damn dungeon anyway?

To the left lurks a mechanical beast; to the right, a fearsome dragon. Choose a path, or go beneath, where he would thrust the world into darkest despair rests. Take care, warriors. If you truly wish to go forward, you must defeat he who is locked in the dungeons of the Sealed Temple. Defeat him, and all barriers to your progress will fall. Here, the key to the dungeons...I trust you can take care of the rest. I pray for your success.

Then he very nicely heals us, too! Well, I don't like the sound of those two beasts at all... Maybe we'll take a look at them later, but for now let's just get back to that locked demon.

But first, the chest behind this dude! It's a powerful lance, often re-dubbed Spirit Lance, which has a lot of attack power and not much else.



A little waterfall cave not far from that chest has a much-appreciated save point, too.



On the way back, we find another rare new item! The Royal Crown provides some nice bonuses to evasion and magic defense, but it's not a Ribbon, so it will never be used by these Freelancers.



After much backtracking and a warp through Heart of Ronka, we're here at last.



And now we rumble.



♪♪ Decisive Battle ♪♪

He's highly physically resistant. But it gets worse.



He's Undead/Heavy and counters all physical assaults with Death on himself. We're gonna need a different mix of equipment and skills.



Overall, he's not too intimidating, his equivalent physical immunity aside.



The idiot doesn't know how to handle Reflect Rings, tha's for sure. Bahamut + !Mimic will save the day!



Did I mention he also uses Mega Flare? Which is still reflectable? He's gonna kill HIMSELF at this rate!



He likes to counter with ???? sometimes, but what kind of threat is THAT when I can full-resurrect for a Potion and Phoenix Down? Hell, I welcome it; it's a cheap way to refill my MP that costs less than the MP-restoring !Mix.



He also likes to try to curse me, which causes a random status condition. Usually it does nothing thanks to my Ribbons.

♪♪ Victory Fanfare ♪♪

And there he goes! I got lucky: sometimes he'll cast Death, which of course with Reflect up will effectively cause the fight to reset when it bounces off the party and hits him.



The reward is another new item, the Chaos Orb! This one boosts Magic Defense and gives a 50% bonus to all elemental attacks used by the wearer. Marignally useful.



I barely caught it, but the way forward is now open in the room with the guy who gave us the key to the cell with Archeodemon.



What ARE we seeking here, anyway? This guy doesn't heal us this time (boo!), but the save point in the cave behind him does via a Cottage (yay!). After that, it's warpin' time!



♪♪ Searching the Light ♪♪

Whoa, are we back in the Rift? No, we can't be. There's no background!



I already hate this place.



Huh, another new rare weapon! You may recognize its name from the FF6 translation. It's powerful as hell, but nothing special otherwise.



Deeper in, we find this lovely reward! The Robe of Lords provides surprisingly good defense AND great magic defense! That's going straight onto Krile, it is.



I smell BOSS FIGHT!



Yep. Guardian here is basically Soul Cannon, only much easier since we're so beefy.



You know this routine...



Delta Attack can be reflected. Just a fun little tidbit.



Victory Fanfare

Guardian was no match for us.



His reward is the Chaos' Orb's counterpart, the Crystal Orb. This boosts magic defense to ridiculous levels, and even gives a little boost to Magic as a kicker. Combined with the Robe of Lords, it makes the wearer essentially magic-immune. Krile's getting it, thus.

Alright, onwards!



Enuo? As in THE Enuo?

What do you seek from this place? Power? Fame?
Enuo: Foolish humans. Those do not await you here. Here, there is nothing. No past, no future, no present. All that is sealed within this beautiful darkness is the stillness of eternity.
*Enuo floats down closer*
Enui: I see you've begun to understand my glorious existence here. Yet, perhaps it is best if you see for yourself my power... Power that held the world in fear... ...the power of the Void!

Oh man. We've got to fight Enuo, don't we.



Yep, we do.



♪♪ Last Battle ♪♪

He's even got Neo Exdeath's battle theme and background! This could get ugly, ya?



He's immune to physical attacks!? No fair! Well, actually, he's not. I'll explain soon.



Unfortunately for him, he's not immune to being a mouth-breathing IDIOT.



Bahamut damages him, at least. What's going on here is simple enough: Enuo has several "stacks" of himself, 3 of which are fake targets and 1 of which is real. Meaning you've got a 25% chance of hitting him with random-target attacks. Oh, and he's immune to !Zeninage, naturally. What is good is that, as the fight wears on, the fake targets start to go away.



Time to call upon the strength of dragons to aid me!



20 additional levels do wonders for Bahamut damage.



And another 20 levels will do wonders too!



Haha Enuo you're goin' down.



He used Deep Freeze, a new move, on Krile. Keep in mind, Krile has mad magic defense, and it STILL did that kind of damage. And it can't be reflected, so I'm glad he hit Krile!

(I found out later in the fight that, somehow, Krile is taking MORE magic damage from these attacks with a higher magic defense. What. The. Hell.)



He even tries to petrify us! Whaddanidjit.



Oh hey, he used Grand Cross. I remember that wildly ineffective attack. Sadly, it wasn't wildly ineffective this time...



I missed it (damn it!), but it said that the power of the Void is increasing. Super attack coming?



Ow. Almagest works a LOT better coming from THIS guy! Sadly that screwed me over since he put Krile in Stop status with Deep Freeze before and zombified Faris with Grand Cross earlier, so I had to restart the fight.

Things go better the second time, though now Enuo's being a cheap bastard and taking less damage thanks to Protect and Shell (which my team can't really dispel).



He tries Meltdown on Lenna, which is fortunately a lot less potent than Deep Freeze. Or rather exactly as potent, since Krile somehow has LESS magic defense by virtue of having more magic defense. How does that even work?



I consider it lucky when Enuo makes moves like this. Also, he used Haste. So I had to mix up a few Hasty-ades (Turtle Shell + Eye Drops) to keep up.



You know, attacks like that are a lot more intimidating when you can't full-revive so easily.



...Enuo killed himself with Flare and it kinda... glitched out? I think? He just kinda died like a normal enemy and the battle ended. Let's see if I can do that again. Load STATE!



Huh, I guess he's supposed to die anti-climactically. Oh well, I win!



Anyway, defeating Enuo was apparently not the best of ideas.



The whole place is exploding now!



sucked...in...!

What the hell?



And... we're back here. That was anticlimactic.



A shard fell afterwards. I hesitate to call it a crystal shard, as it's kinda... darkish? Maybe evil? Picking it up gives us...



Necromancer

♪♪ Fanfare 1 ♪♪

The last Job!



Death EaterNecromancer - Dark wizards who are masters of the undead, and have no fear of the Dark Arts.
Pros - Can learn un-reflectable enemy skills of a different sort than Blue Mages
Cons - Bloody weak as hell and slow in combat until you learn a few good spells for them
Equipment: Daggers, Light Armor
Native Skills: !Dark Arts, Undead
Learns: !Oath (15), !Dark Arts Lv1 (30), !Dark Arts Lv2 (45), !Dark Arts Lv3 (60), !Dark Arts Lv4 (100), !Dark Arts Lv5 (200), Undead (300)

Hooray, the Job list is complete! Just in time for us to pretty much never use the Necromancer class! ...Huh. Well that was pointless. But I can at least tell you what they learn. You get Dark Arts by having a Necromancer deal the killing blow in some fashion to the right enemies.

Drain Touch (15 MP) - Steals HP from the target. Equivalent to Vampire, except it even works on the undead. Learn from Mindflayer.
Dark Haze (18 MP) - Inflicts Confuse and Old on all enemies. Learn from Lemure or Exoray.
Deep Freeze (38 MP) - Inflicts Stop and does ice damage to all enemies. Learn from Assassin or Dark Elemental.
Meltdown (38 MP) - Inflicts Sap and does fire damage to all enemies. Learn from Claret Dragon or Liquid Flame (!).
Evil Mist (38 MP) - Does heavy poison damage to all enemies. Learn from Dragon Zombie or Unknown (type 1).
Hellwind (38 MP) - Inflicts Petrify and does wind damage to all enemies. Learn from Objet d'Art or Stingray.
Chaos Drive (38 MP) - Inflicts Paralysis and does lightning damage to all enemies. Learn from Mini Satana.
Curse (42 MP) - Inflicts a whole array of status ailments, ala Bad Breath in later FF games. Learn from Ironclad.
Dark Flare (52 MP) - Does heavy non-elemental damage to all enemies. Learn from Exdeath's Soul or Tonberry.
Doomsday (66 MP) - Does heavy non-elemental damage to all enemies. Learn from Hades.

After that, some random plebe shows up.

As you can see, a dread monster has invaded the Cloister of the Dead. It stands brazenly before the gate. You four are warriors, are you not? Surely you can vanquish the beast!

Probably. Let's try it.



Oh great, we've got a talker...

It is! You have gained the power of the Necromancer, haven't you. The forbidden power has finally been released... The necromancer learns dark arts by extinguishing the lives of monsters steeped in darkness. That which stands before the Cloister's gate is one such beast! Defeat it, I beg of you!

May as well. Let's get classy!



And that would be us.



♪♪ Battle 1 ♪♪

Check out our dumb hats! (Note that you have to have a Necromancer for this fight, and if someone who's not a Necro kills the enemy, a new one pops up and you have to fight it, too. Talk about a ham-handed tutorial!)



♪♪ Victory Fanfare ♪♪

As you can see, defeating those aforementioned enemies with Necromancers gets you the skills to pay the bills.



With this, you may pass to the Cloister of the Dead. The Cloister of the Dead is a gathering place for restless souls. Your task is simple: enemies will appear before you, one by one. You must defeat them all. After five adversaries have fallen, you may advance to the next stage. You will also be given time to prepare for the battles to come. If necessary, you may leave the cloister. However, in such a case you forfeit the challenge, and upon next entrance, even those you had defeated will return. To emerge victorious, you must press on and defeat the beasts in one fell swoop!

So basically, it's a boss rush. Sounds like something to check out... next time, of course. First we need to leave and restock anyway.



Hitting the switch to leave plants a Moai in the sea, whose eyes glow ominously. Hmm... That would be interesting if it meant anything, of course, but it doesn't; the Moai was already there before, and it doesn't actually seem to do anything now. Anyway, we've just one last thing to do, and we'll be all done, folks.

Current Stats
Bartz: Level 57
Freelancer Stats: 4834 HP, 435 MP, 54 Str, 41 Agi, 53 Sta, 50 Mag
Jobs: Knight L6 (MASTERED!), Monk L7 (MASTERED!), Thief L7 (MASTERED!), Dragoon L1 (6/150), Ninja L4 (MASTERED!), Ranger L4 (MASTERED!), Mystic Knight L7 (MASTERED!), White Mage L7 (MASTERED!), Black Mage L5 (2/100), Blue Mage L4 (MASTERED!), Chemist L4 (239/405), Bard L3 (MASTERED!), Dancer L3 (MASTERED!), Cannoneer L3 (MASTERED!), Mime L1 (MASTERED!)
Abilities: !Guard, !Focus, !Chakra !Flee, !Steal, !Mug, !Jump, !Smoke, !Image, !Throw, !Animals, !Aim, !Rapid Fire, !Check, !Scan, !Mix, !Drink, !Recover, !Hide, !Sing, !Flirt, !Dance, !Mimic, !Spellblade L6, !White L6, !Black L5, !Blue, !Open Fire, !Combine, Equip Shields, Equip Armor, Equip Ribbons, Equip Swords, Equip Bows, Equip Harps, Artful Dodger, HP +10%, HP +20%, HP +30%, MP +10%, Barehanded, Two-Handed, Dual-Wield, Pharmacology, Cover, Counter, Learning, Magic Shell, Vigilance, First Strike, Find Passages, Sprint, EXP Up

Lenna: Level 57
Freelancer Stats: 4720 HP, 494 MP, 51 Str, 42 Agi, 51 Sta, 61 Mag
Jobs: Knight L6 (MASTERED!), Monk L7 (MASTERED!), Thief L7 (MASTERED!), Dragoon L1 (6/150), Ninja L5 (MASTERED!), Berserker L1 (5/400), Ranger L4 (MASTERED!), White Mage L7 (MASTERED!), Black Mage L7 (MASTERED!), Summoner L6 (MASTERED!), Blue Mage L1 (5/20), Red Mage L1 (3/40), Chemist L4 (239/405), Geomancer L3 (MASTERED!), Bard L3 (MASTERED!), Dancer L1 (43/50), Mime L1 (MASTERED!)
Abilities: !Guard, !Focus, !Chakra, !Flee, !Steal, !Mug, !Jump, !Smoke, !Image, !Throw, !Animals, !Aim, !Rapid Fire, !Check, !Mix, !Drink, !Recover, !Gaia, !Hide, !Sing, !Flirt, !Mimic, !White L6, !Black L6, !Summon L5, !Red L1, Equip Shields, Equip Armor, Equip Swords, Equip Bows, Equip Harps, Artful Dodger, HP +10%, HP +20%, HP +30%, MP +10%, MP +30%, Barehanded, Two-Handed, Dual-Wield, Pharmacology, Cover, Counter, Berserk, Vigilance, First Strike, Find Passages, Light Step, Find Pits, Sprint

Krile: Level 57
Freelancer Stats: 4663 HP, 446 MP, 51 Str, 44 Agi, 50 Sta, 52 Mag
Jobs: Knight L4 (128/150), Monk L7 (MASTERED!), Thief L7 (MASTERED!), Dragoon L1 (6/150), Samurai L5 (MASTERED!), Berserker L1 (0/400), Ranger L4 (MASTERED!), White Mage L7 (MASTERED!), Blue Mage L4 (MASTERED!), Red Mage L4 (MASTERED!), Beastmaster L2 (17/100), Chemist L4 (239/405), Bard L3 (MASTERED!), Gladiator L4 (MASTERED!), Mime L1 (MASTERED!)
Abilities: !Guard, !Focus, !Chakra, !Flee, !Steal, !Mug, !Jump, !Mineuchi, !Zeninage, !Iainuki, !Animals, !Aim, !Rapid Fire, !Check, !Scan, !Calm, !Control, !Mix, !Drink, !Recover, !Hide, !Sing, !Mimic, !White L6, !Red L3, !Dualcast, !Blue, !Bladeblitz, !Finisher, Equip Shields, Equip Katanas, Equip Bows, Equip Harps, Artful Dodger, HP +10%, HP +20%, HP +30%, MP +10%, Barehanded, Two-Handed, Pharmacology, Cover, Counter, Shirahadori, Learning, Berserk, Vigilance, Find Passages, Sprint, Lure, Long Reach

Faris: Level 57
Freelancer Stats: 4436 HP, 499 MP, 50 Str, 43 Agi, 46 Sta, 62 Mag
Jobs: Knight L6 (MASTERED!), Monk L6 (120/300), Thief L7 (MASTERED!), Dragoon L3 (MASTERED!), Samurai L2 (0/60), Ranger L4 (MASTERED!), Black Mage L3 (3/50), Time Mage L6 (177/250), Summoner L6 (MASTERED!), Blue Mage L2 (4/70), Beastmaster L3 (MASTERED!), Chemist L5 (MASTERED!), Geomancer L3 (MASTERED!), Bard L3 (MASTERED!) Dancer L1 (43/50), Oracle L4 (MASTERED!), Mime L1 (MASTERED!)
Abilities: !Guard, !Focus, !Chakra, !Flee, !Steal, !Mug, !Jump, !Lance, !Mineuchi, !Zeninage, !Animals, !Aim, !Rapid Fire, !Call, !Check, !Calm, !Control, !Catch, !Mix, !Drink, !Recover, !Revive, !Gaia, !Hide, !Sing, !Flirt, !Mimic, !Black L3, !Time L6, !Summon L5, !Condemn, !Predict, Equip Shields, Equip Armor, Equip Swords, Equip Lances, Equip Bows, Equip Whips, Equip Harps, Artful Dodger, HP +10%, HP +20%, Barehanded, Two-Handed, Pharmacology, Cover, Counter, Learning, Vigilance, Find Passages, Light Step, Find Pits, Sprint, ABP Up, Read Ahead

Next time: The Cloister of the Dead and the forsaken beasts!

So what should the people without !Catch and Dash do?

You've got two choices: either skip the bonus dungeon entirely, or get those skills for those specific tasks and then never equip/use them ever again.

I never got around to FF6's new dungeon, but it sounded just as bad.

Whose brilliant idea is it to unlock the last job after you beat the game and multiple secret bosses? It doesn't help that the ones you get before the end game are horribly broken.

Did Square have their interns design these things?

As far as I can tell, TOSE did the designs for the bonus dungeons in FF4A, 5A, and 6A, as well as CTDS. And they're all awfully done, but the Sealed Temple in FF5A and the Prehistoric Forest in CTDS stand out as especially heinous, reeking of that nasty first-time-ever-using-a-tile-based-map-program odor.

Even worse, the new bosses are pretty much standard modern FF bosses. Unlike every other boss in FFV, there aren't any cool tricks you can do to make the battles a piece of cake. All you can do is just slog through them with the strongest attacks possible.

And requiring the use of a job to solve a non-optional puzzle is stupid.

Yeah, well, if the bonus dungeons in FF4-6A and CTDS are good for anything, they're good for proving that the people who ported the games had no real understanding or appreciation for what made the originals so great. In practice, all four games have effectively the exact same bonus dungeons: slog around backtracking and doing inane fetch quests while fighting over-powered enemies until you face the super-big-bad they put in at the end that basically cannot be beaten with anything save a very slim set of tactics.

It's after the end. I am curious as to your definition of optional.

Unless you mean the Istory Falls thing?

The character-specific FF4A areas were interesting. Some were cool and some were painful but at least they showed some thought in their design. Though being forced to beat the last boss at least twice AND slog through the dungeon at least twice was pretty annoying. (I think it was twice but I'm not totally sure.)

Okay, fine. Non-optional for the bonus dungeon.

What? No Nepenthe? How disappointing. But since there's no !Quaff command I can see why they didn't include that.

Stupid Load-Bearing Bosses...