I've got a Job for you! - Let's Play Final Fantasy V!

Even our jolly inventor buds are getting the Void treatment!



I don't think that's gonna work, Bartz ol' buddy.



Aren't we already inside the Void? Or is it different from the Rift? That wasn't really made clear...



Oh. Well. Getting sucked into a white hole is probably not a good thing.



So I guess THIS is the Void, then. It has a lot more stars than I'd expected. Seems more like a section of outer space, really...



Suddenly...! Dorgann?



Bartz rouses the girls (I can't help but notice this happens a lot), and against all odds, there's Bartz' dad.



What, is this a Dawn Warriors reunion or something?



Bartz: Galuf!

Huh, I guess it is.



♪♪ Ahead on Our Way ♪♪

*Sparkles come off of the Dawn Warriors like low-budget vampires*
Galuf: Bartz! Lenna! Faris! Krile! We'll hold off the Void. You kids take care of Exdeath! The only ones who can save the world from the power of darkness are the warriors of light! That's you! Now, go!!!
*The party nods*
*The Dawn Warriors fly off with sparkling trails*

Wonderful, now our wards of justice can finish this!



Just as advertised, they neutralized the Void!



Try me, Exdeath.

This again?



Denied! Also, hey King Tycoon.



Faris: Papa!

I think they're contractually obligated to say that every time King Tycoon appears.



Galuf: This is it!
Xezat: Take your chance...
Kelgar: Destroy Exdeath!
King Tycoon: Onward, Light Warriors!!!

Sounds like a plan to me!



It's party time!



♪♪ Decisive Battle ♪♪

Exdeath is... weird now. He's got his old armor form up on top, but now has a tree-face as well. And I don't like either face, so I'm thinking we're gonna have to play headhunter and smash them both in now.



The party Hastega's up, double-Holy-smacks Exdeath, Mighty Guards it, and !Rapid Fires his face. How's that for an opener?



Faris mixes up a Samson's Might drink for Lenna, giving her an extra 10 levels.



The effects are quite noticeable!



...by the Void!!!
Exdeath: NOOO! WHY!? The Void was mine to command! How could it-Uwaaah!!!

Well that was fast.



Weird way for a boss to eat it, but I'm not gonna complain. He didn't get a single attack in!



♪♪ Last Battle ♪♪

All memories...dimensions...existence... All that is shall be returned to nothing. Then I, too, can disappear... ...forever!

I guess there was no way it could've been over that fast after all... Okay, let's see what phase two looks like.

Holy. Shit. Okay, this is the real last boss. He has four parts: the skeleton in the back (high physical resistance and huge HP, uses lots of physical attacks), the chimera in the upper-middle (spell-casting, uses a high-damage magic attack called Almagest sometimes), the lady on the bottom (also spell-casting, likes to use Grand Cross (which causes a random status ailment for everyone)), and the behemoth at the top (physical- and magical-oriented, hurts like hell). Intimidated yet?



Don't be. We have the might of Samson on our side. It stacks, did I mention that? Lenna's no hedge knight now!



It's best to focus on Exdeath's skeleton ass with magic attacks, what with its huge resistance and all.



See what I mean about it being physically resistant? Quite a difference in numbers!



Lenna's hitting harder than ever with her boosted level. Poor Bartz can't match up!



Who says there's too much of a good thing?



Damage output keeps getting higher!



MORE POWER.



That's nice, Exdeath dear. Maybe you'd like to try something effective next?



Even skelly back there is cringing from Lenna's assaults now!



MORE. POWER.



I reiterate: try something effective instead, Exdeath.

HURT ME MORE, LENNA!



MORE! POWER!



In a desperate move, Neo Exdeath tries to Dispel Lenna's boosted-to-hell stats.



Followed immediately by his supposed ultimate attack (doesn't have an animation beyond making the screen flash), which is gonna leave a mark.



Oh I know it. And you know why?



Because...



...Lenna's still super-strong. You can't dispel levels, you idiot!



MORE!!! POWER!!!



MORE!!!!!! POWER!!!!!!



Heal up Lenna, and...!



Say goodbye, Exdeath.



Goodye, Exdeath.

♪♪ The Silent Beyond ♪♪

Oooh, starfield effect. I love those.

Hope blessed the earth

Courage blazed into flame

Care and devotion turned
water into the seeds of life

The passion for knowledge spread
intelligence and wisdom on the winds

If ever the Void threatens to
engulf the world,
so long as the four essences
still exist in man,
light will be born anew.

The four essences shall
rise from the Void
and weave the light
once again.

It's not quite "one to be born from a dragon", but it's still a delightful poem.



Huh. They're back in the Void. That's weird.



After rousing the party (seriously, you could make a drinking game of how often that happens), Bartz and Krile examine the damage to reality.

Krile: But-but we defeated Exdeath!



Well that was the main problem to begin with, so I'd say yes.

Faris: The world will be engulfed by the Void...



Suddenly Krile starts to glow!



Whoa nelly!



The... crystal shards?



You don't mean...?



Oh, of course...



The shards are the remains of the crystals...



So naturally they'd be able to restore the crystals!

Heyhey, there we go!



Looks like those paragons of justice did it after all!



And the Void is finally undoing its damage to the world, too!



Told ya!



*Bartz faces the girls and raises his arm*
Bartz: There was still power remaining in the crystal shards.
*Krile sparkle-zooms over to Bartz' left side*
Krile: Thank goodness...
*Bartz looks sidelong at Krile*
Bartz: Lenna... Faris... Krile... It's because you took such good care of the shards...
*Faris and Lenna float up beside Bartz too*
Lenna: Don't forget yourself, Bartz.
*Krile sparkle-hops a few times*
Krile: Or Grandpa!
*Lenna faces Krile*
Lenna: Now, wind will return to Tycoon...
King Tycoon: Correct, my dear.
*Bartz is shocked, and everyone faces up*



Krile: Grandpa...
Lenna: Father...
Faris: Papa...
Bartz: Kelger, and Xezat...
King Tycoon: The world still needs you.
Galuf: It's too early for you kids to be meeting us!
Dorgann: Go, return to your world...the one you saved!
*The Dawn Warriors sparkle-electric-slide off to the right*

A small sparkle appears in the place of the Dawn Warriors, which flies up...



...And summons Krile's wind drake!



All aboard!



Oh yeah, nearly forgot about the last crystal...



Oddly enough, this time it isn't Krile saying that.



It's Mid!



♪♪ Dear Friends ♪♪

Somehow, we made it back.

Ah, I love that song...



A very short bad dream, too.



Seems like everything's become peaceful, like before.
*Bartz walks down, and a circle of Moogles runs around Krile; Lenna laughs*

Gotta show off how the world's various vanished locations are back, I guess.



I bet. Two princesses instead of one to obsess over! He's cheerfully chatting with the girls and various guards in super-fast mode. Then he runs off.

And she gets back in her pirate garb and jumps out the window! Faris is a badass at her core.



What, Krile doesn't count?



Then again, would YOU want to be ruled by a half-pint like her?



He's not giving up traveling, but he said he wanted to spend time near his parents before he set out again.

Aww, how sweet.



How adorable...



It's been a year since then... Lenna and Faris are busy with running Tycoon and all, and Bartz is off on another journey.

And deadbeat Krile has nothing to do as a result. Wah wah wah.



No, I'm sure they'll come. Tell them I can't wait to meet them again...
*Cid turns around, looks down, then walks right a bit*
Cid: Krile... You worked so hard. Everyone fought well...

I feel a montage coming on!



And we get a Best of Bartz montage, right on cue!

Followed by Lenna.



And Faris.



And last but notvery least, Krile.



And for some reason it just pans up from Cid and Mid. It's almost like there's more that can happen here...



We get a slow pan over the world map to the Forest of Moore...

The crystals have been restored, and everything's peaceful. But...for some reason, I'm sad...
*Krile looks up and takes a few steps back, then looks down again*
I guess it's just that...
Krile: Since Grandpa died... I've been all alone...
*Krile walks left a bit and looks down again*

Krile brought flowers for her grandpa. How sweet.



♪♪ Final Fantasy ♪♪

Of course we have to have a Best of Galuf montage too...



*Krile starts to walk away*
Bartz: What're you talking about? You're not alone.
*Krile looks around*



Heyhey, the rest of the party came to visit!



Faris: Buck up, kiddo!
*Krile takes a step up*



I don't know why this dialogue is unattributed...



Yep, they knew Krile for nearly a week. Ages and ages!

*Krile looks down, then turns away and keeps looking down*
Krile: Everyone...you...
*Krile looks up and rubs her eyes*
*Lenna walks down to her side and Krile glances sidelong at her*
Lenna: Tears don't really suit you, Krile. You have to be strong.
*Faris does the same and Krile glances sidelong at her*
Faris: Galuf's laughing at your blubbering, kiddo.



Suddenly...! Um, some birds poop out flowers. How does THAT work?



*sniff* He is laughing.
The crystals have regained their power. This time it's up to us to protect them.
*Bartz nods and faces the girls*
Bartz: Like Dad and the others did...
Lenna: Say, do you hear that?
Faris: ...Aye, that I do.
*Krile faces Bartz*
Krile: Grandpa's voice...?
*Faris faces down and Bartz puts his hand to his ear*
Bartz: No...just the wind through the trees.
*Lenna faces down and puts her hand to her ear*
Lenna: The rippling of the water...?
*Faris puts her hand to her ear too*
Faris: Just the crackling of flames...
*Krile does the same*
Krile: The settling of the earth...
*Bartz looks down for a moment, then shakes his head*
Bartz: Dunno... I'm not sure what it is, but...
*Faris nods*
Faris: I can hear it...
*Lenna and Faris face each other*
Lenna: Yes... Something warm...



Hell yeah! They walk off into the woods to the south, and...!



♪♪ Ending Theme ♪♪

It's time to go, baby! The order of ambrosia is off to save the world! Roll credits!

But wait, you say! Surely that can't be all! I hear you saying, "I bet you can't beat Exdeath with just one character!" Well...

As a matter of fact, I can. And let me tell you how...

Faris has a ridiculously huge advantage over her allies in this fight since she has !Mix. That plus a Ribbon, Genji Armor, Genji Gloves, the Masamune for Haste, and !Summon for damage output basically makes her an immortal golden goddess. How? Simple: Antidote + Holy Water, or Samson's Might as it's more commonly known. You remember me abusing it to hell to make Lenna hit like a mack truck made out of the entire Justice League, right? Well it works just as well here, if not moreso. 6 of these equals level 102 Faris (yes, seriously). A simple Turtle Shell + Turtle Shell mix for a Protect Drink (Protect + Shell), and she's good to go.



Neo Exdeath isn't even remotely a challenge like this. At level 102, Faris evades almost all incoming physical attacks and does almost 7000 damage per Bahamut summoning to every part. Her Haste from Masamune ensures that she'll always get a chance to heal, and in fact the only threats in this entire fight for her are Dispel and Grand Cross causing Zombie or Death Sentence. For the former, she retains her ridiculous evasion and boosted level and just has to Haste/Protect Drink up again. For the latter... well, just hope the latter doesn't happen (it rarely does). Faris proved herself to be quite the knight of the round, slaying Neo Exdeath in only a few turns. Neo Exdeath doesn't even know what hit him, but he does know it hurt like HELL!



By the way, this is what Grand Cross looks like. Neo Exdeath shakes himself off screen as those orbs show up, then he reappears at the end. It's a long-ass animation for something that does so little.

"Okay, so you can solo Exdeath. Anyone could do it with THOSE commands! How about a real challenge!?"



Sure thing, boss.

It's about 75% preparation and 25% luck for this one, actually. I gave Krile Masamune, the Genji Shield, a Ribbon, Genji Armor, and Genji Gloves. Her commands were !Zeninage and !Blue.

Her first move in the fight is to Masamune herself, followed by Mighty Guard and a lot of attacks. If Exdeath uses Doom or Meteor, you've no choice but to load state or start the fight over and force him to use a different move, since there's really nothing she can do to remove Doom from herself (and of course Meteor hits solo characters for at least 3000 damage, which is more than Krile can take). Overall the first part of the fight is pretty straightforward.



Once Neo Exdeath emerges, it's actually a bit less chaotic. !Zeninage gets tossed as often as possible, with intermittent Elixirs when her HP drops below 1000 and re-casting of Mighty Guard + Masamune whenever she gets hit by Dispel. The only upshot is that this fight has VERY few tricks it can pull on you if your luck is bad (except for Grand Cross possibly causing Doom or Zombie, of course).

The fight is pretty much !Zeninage, Mighty Guard + Masamune, and Elixirs until you've killed off two sections. THEN it gets interesting. See, each section has a different AI for when it's solo, and one of them in particular is absolutely the most evil ever. If you let the back "skeleton" part survive, it will start chaining Meteor and Vaccuum Wave. The others are nasty too (they all gain Meteor once they're solo), but his in particular is the worst, and he's also the heaviest in the HP department. Thus your goal is to get it so that he's the third to go, followed immediately by whatever's left over. This is very easy to do since the others all have considerably closer HP values to each other; usually each is within 1 !Zeninage of another.

The skeleton is highly physical-resistant and you can't use !Zeninage when there's only two left, so basically you're stuck casting Aeroga on him until he dies. The only bright side is that, with two parts left, Neo Exdeath is pretty well neutralized. Once skelly's down, you're a !Zeninage away from victory!

"Fine, so you can beat him like that! Up the ante even higher!"



Can do.

Yes, even Bartz can solo Exdeath. His commands of choice: !Combine and !Image. He's sporting a Reflect Ring instead of Genji Gloves, and has the Brave Blade instead of Masamune, but otherwise his equipment setup matches the usual exactly.

The key here is staying alive, which requires a bit more luck than Krile needed since Bartz can't Haste himself up thanks to his Auto-Reflect. Fortunately he can !Image it up, the shield makes him evade like crazy, and most magic can't touch him (he only really has to worry about Meteor and Doom). As long as neither of those gets flung his way, he can get to Neo Exdeath in record time. Tip: Blitzshot + Turtle Shell followed by several Blitzshot + Fuma Shuriken will make this go a lot faster.



Of course, Neo Exdeath is pretty dicey. The key to beating him is !Combine Blitzshot + Dragon Fang (as well as a few Blitzshot + Turtle Shell to slow the various parts down), while re-using !Image and tossing about Elixirs as necessary. Unlike the other solo runs, Bartz doesn't care about Dispel since he only has one buff (!Image) and it can often be ignored thanks to his high evasion anyway.

The same problem as before comes up, of course: you don't want to leave that back part alive and alone. Bartz' solution is to smack it physically, which he can get away with since he has the goddamn Brave Blade equipped and thus can actually do healthy damage to it. Finishing the fight proves dead easy once that's over with.

"Okay, but how about something ridiculous and unrealistically hard? Show us it can be done!"



Alright.

This is by far the least practical way of beating Exdeath imaginable that's at least somewhat plausible: Lenna with !Black and !Summon, but only allowed to summon Golem and Carbuncle. Of course she has the same equip setup as the others did (Masamune, Genji Shield, Ribbon, Genji Armor, Genji Gloves). Exdeath's first form is the same as usual: get him to Neo Exdeath before he fires off Doom or Meteor.



Now what makes this crazy is that, by the last fight, !Black... sucks. It sucks HARD. Lenna can only do 1000-to-all or 3300-to-one damage doses per turn. Golem and Carbuncle's Reflect wear off at inopportune times. Grand Cross can potentially instakill her via Zombie or Doom. It's a nightmare, and basically not possible on a real cart unless you are the god/goddess of luck. But with savestates, it can be done... barely. "Why no Reflect Ring so you can ignore Carbuncle?" Because it's a challenge, of course! Besides, you're the one who asked for "unrealistically hard", not me. Don't worry, Lenna can hack it, she's a natural-born riskbreaker!

Once you have one of four down (I suggest focusing on taking ol' skelly out, as well as the front runner; the middle two are slow and ineffective thanks to Reflect), you need to play the guessing game since you can't possibly hope to get all of them down to one Flare from death before you start belting them out for the final gambit. Once again, savestates are practically required, or a calculator on hand to make sure you don't accidentally leave the last one alive with two shots to go before it dies.

"FINE! So you can solo Exdeath with any of these characters in lots of crazy ways! Finish him off as fast as possible, then!"



You mean like this? You're not seeing things there, that really was the end of the Exdeath fight. How the hell did I do that? The answer is simple: Chaos Cannon (Blitzshot + Dark Matter) has a glitch. If Exdeath is killed by this attack, the script to go to the next part of the fight will not trigger. Instead he turns purple and the death sounds for Neo Exdeath play, then the screen goes black and it skips straight to the ending.

And here's some other fun tricks you can pull:

* Cast Dark Spark on Exdeath until it hits, then Level 2 Old, then Level 5 Death (glitches out a bit and takes you to the Neo Exdeath fight)

* !Mix a Blessed Kiss (Holy Water + Maiden's Kiss) on him and then immediately kill him (same effect as Chaos Cannon, but the timing is harder to do)

Now that we've thoroughly spanked and embarrassed that evil tree spirit, it's on to the OTHER endings! Yes, that's right. In a rare treat, you get to see (almost) every last bit of ending dialogue there is to see!

The Alternate Endings

The ending changes noticeably when you have allies who don't make it. In fact, I've catalogued the differences for you!



The ones who didn't make it are too busy whining to catch the wind drake.



So they get summarily left behind. Real nice, gang.



Who writes Cid and Mid a letter depends on who's left alive. The priority goes like this: Lenna -> Bartz -> Faris -> Krile. Not what you'd expect given the regular ending, huh?



They always end up facing in the same positions as if everyone survived, even if only one did. In the Moogle Forest scene, they all stand in the same positions as well as doing the same actions.



This scene varies wildly depending on who survived and who's writing the letter. You can even see a rare overflow textbox error if you finish the fight with Lenna and Krile dead!



This bit replaces Faris' visit to her pirate crew if Faris and/or Lenna is missing.



Again, a few differences depending on if Krile lived or if she's not the one writing the letter.



The Chocobo family gets a different intro depending on the author too. Interestingly, Lenna and Krile say the same thing.



Aww... This happens if Bartz didn't make it instead of the Lix scene.



And here's Bartz' own words on his post-victory travels.



This is an interesting difference: you'll see EVERYONE who survived show up here if even one didn't make it. Also a nice touch: Krile always has her wind drake and the others always have Chocobos waiting for them.



The author of the letter, once again, decides the wording here. Krile will say she's going to visit her grandpa's resting place.



And again for the end of the letter!



Mid even uses gender-appropriate terms if only one ally died here!

Cid's hearing things again... Anyway, you also see a montage of each character who didn't make it here instead of a montage of all four.



The author once again decides what's said here. Also, Galuf's montage doesn't show if anyone died.



The ally that's mentioned here depends on who's dead, of course, but it puts priority on Lenna -> Bartz -> Faris -> Krile again. And once again, everyone who lived will gather instead of just one loner.



Another small difference if Krile didn't write the letter.



Light pillars descend! How many depends on how many died, with one big one in the middle if one was down, two on the sides if two, and three pillars if you solo'd the last boss at the end.



Thank you, Captain Obvious!



The previously deceased recount what it's like to be dead, with a little encouragement from Galuf.



A few variations here...



And one last repeat quip from Galuf before we go right back to the regular ending. The only difference between the full-party-survival ending and the someone-died ending from here on out is that the light pillars in the flower field don't go away.

Ahh, now where were we...?

♪♪ Ending Theme ♪♪

Oh yes, the credits!

Final Fantasy V Advance was LPed before a live forum audience.



Special considerations provided by:

Bartz' Chocobo Breeding Stables: Guaranteed great mounts or your Gil back! Please don't ask what we do with the runts.



And by:

Krile's Wind Drake Rides: Now you too can experience the heart-pounding action of riding a dragon! Bring your own harness and straps; not responsible for customers falling to their deaths during barrel rolls.



And by:

Faris' Secondhand Weapon Emporium: Come buy weapons that helped save the world! Special this week only on the 12 Legendary Weapons!



And by:

The Tycoon Royal Army: Come join the best of the best! Our fatality rate is down 100% since we got back from the Void!

And by:

Jenica's School of Magic: For when you really need to know your spell names! (Note: We don't actually teach any spells, just their names.)



And by:

Istory Travel Agency: Come see scenic Istory Falls! Now with up to 50% or fewer thunder-tossing psychopaths and knife-wielding little green men!



And by:

Karwen Firaga'd Chocobo: Tasty deep-fried and delicious! Try our new Choco-Veal Kit!



And by:

Quelb-b-que Bar and Grill: Fresh authentic werewolf cooking every day! Dessert's on the house if you can actually finish a plate of our food!



And by:

The Surgate-Ancient Library Consortium: Finding new facts about the old world every day! Come visit us to learn more about how sheeps bladders can be used to prevent earthquakes!

And by:

Ghido's Consulting Firm: We'll help you get your crazy business idea off the ground and running! Note that we reserve the right to insult your intelligence at any time and likely will frequently. You ignoramus.



And by:

The Tule Beginner's House: Please come visit us so we can help you out on your adventure! We even promise not to drop-kick you out the door any longer if you're a seasoned veteran!



And by:

Bal Bowling: Come check our our spacious lanes, located down in the castle basement! Note that we take no responsibility if you get slain or petrified by roving statues.



And by:

Jachole Cave Tours, Inc.: Just because it's been looted by a thousand adventurers before you doesn't mean it's a waste of time to visit! Bring your own squirrel repellent, please.



And by:

Regole Brewery and Pub: Come get sloshed in the back o' beyond! We take no responsibility for lost limbs or lives due to wandering out of town and getting slaughtered by roving monsters.

And by:

Lix Ninja Supplies: For all your ninja needs! Make sure you're prepared for flipping out and killing everyone!



We get a brief scroll-by of every single ability everyone has learned, which is very satisfying indeed. Bartz leads in that department!



One last shot of our brave companions before...



♪♪ Prelude ♪♪

And that's all she wrote.

Final Fantasy V Advance
The End
















Next time: There's a next time?



Oh yes there is!

Sky Render forgot to mention one thing about the Neo Exdeath battle: some of the parts are vulnerable to Zantetsuken.

Of course, the rest are immune, so summoning Odin will just get you Gungnir. But if you summon Odin with the Magic Lamp, Zantetsuken will trigger no matter what.

As for the ending, I like to leave Bartz dead. It kind of reinforces just how pointless he was in the end; if Lenna and Faris die, Tycoon is going to go crazy. If Krile dies, so will Bal. If Bartz dies... Boko's sad?

Oh come on, I already gave him 6 separate smackdowns. Was another really necessary? :P

You realize the LAP part of this thread is solely devoted to boss killing, right?

Unfortunately I bet Self-destructing him out of the way with your last surviving party member won't work to get you a yet-different ending.

Heh, fair enough. In that case, I was giving everyone else the chance to showcase creative ways to kill Exdeath outside of the well-known and utterly crazy ones I did here.

That calls for !Science!



Yeah, that didn't work. The last part of Exdeath died and then the game over message happened.

Man, my Freelancers are going to have one hell of a time. I should probably start working on that.

...After I finish my BN4 update.

I have two big objections here.

1. there's an implication here that the people of Final Fantasy V are as a whole intelligent and wise, while I postulate that the vast majority of them are quite the opposite.

2. If this is correct, then this implies that Bartz is the most intelligent of the group. You could theoretically say this leads to the passion for knowledge that leads him to travel all the time, but I don't buy that.

I haven't actually played the game, though, just going on what I've seen. So would anyone like to correct me on this?

It's just rhetoric. At the beginning of the game, Bartz was said to only embody passion. Intelligence just pops in at the ending.

My guess is whoever wrote the plot and whoever did the actual script never actually communicated with each other.

Because Bartz? Bartz is a Putz�.

Nah, Bartz is a pretty decent embodiment of the wind. Travels everywhere, annoys a lot of people, and if something gets in his way it's destroyed.

Also, his biggest enemy is a tree.

XD

Also, I just scrolled through the credits the first time I went through the last part of the LP. Big mistake. That was actually quite hilarious. Nice work so far.

Krile tossed gil at Exdeath. I deem this LP a rousing success.

Even better, she Gil Toss'd Exdeath to death solo. Galuf is avenged and the party's finances are ruined! Pretty much what you'd expect to happen if saving the world were left in the hands of a pre-teen magic girl, in short.