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Enter the Squared Circle: Let's Play Saturday Night Slammasters!
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#211
10-24-2010, 12:27 AM
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   Simian: What a vicious lariat! I've seen lesser men knocked unconcious by moves like that!    Robby: Oh, that was great! Knocked him into next week! Maybe Stingray should go back to running a taco stand, it's safer! Simian: Now back to his feet, wisely keeping his distance from Haggar.    Simian: Looks like Stingray is headed to the high rent district! Robby: Bad idea!    Robby: The audacity! What a smug jerk! Simian: Airborne now!    Simian: No water in the pool! Haggar sidestepped, he's been watching tape, he knows about that moonsault! Robby: And as the goof gets back to his feet, he stumbles back right into Haggar's hands! |
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#212
10-24-2010, 12:28 AM
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   Simian: He breaks the grapple, and an absolutely brutal knee to the gut!    Simian: Another knee! And a kick for good measure! Robby: A decent flurry of offense, but Haggar's standing tall!    Simian: Stingray going up and over, maybe looking to discombobulate Haggar! Robby: WHAT A BOOT! Look at how far he flew, he kicked him right out of mid-air! Haggar is not stupid like King Rasta Mon, no, this man is smarter than that! Simian: I'll agree with that, and indeed, he kicked him more than halfway across the ring.    Simian: Lurking behind is Haggar... Stingray back to his feet, he goes for the knee! Robby: But Haggar is out of range!    Simian: What a left hand! My goodness, his hand's as big as the Stinger's head! Robby: That's right! And he's reeling! Simian: Swings with a kick, and a miss! |
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#213
10-24-2010, 12:30 AM
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   Robby: And he gets another left for his trouble, and it turned him inside out! This is fantastic, Rainstorm! Stingray claimed he could brawl with Haggar, but the fact is that no one, and I mean NO ONE in professional wrestling today can brawl with Haggar. Simian: That may be true, and Stingray isn't moving. It may be a mistake for Haggar not to go for a pin after that.    Robby: No, he wants to make this last. He wants to embarrass him. Simian: He should be thinking of the title, he's getting overconfident, and as Stingray gets back to his feet, he's into the ropes with blinding speed!    Simian: And a pair of boots to the chest on the way up! He comes down behind Haggar! Robby: We saw this once, and it ended in a lariat!  Simian: A kick keeps the larger man at bay, and what's he got in mind here? |
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#214
10-24-2010, 12:31 AM
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      Simian: JALAPENO COMET!!! And a great dismount! He follows up with a stomp! Robby: Now who should be going for the pin, Rainstorm? Simian: I would suggest that Stingray has something to prove here, Noggin. Not to mention, Haggar has to beat him. Stingray is the champ, he doesn't have to beat Haggar.    Simian: Brings Haggar to his feet, HUGE vertical suplex!    Simian: And right back to the stomps. Everyone's the same height on their back, as you're fond of saying. Robby: Well, that's true. And it's smart wrestling by Stingray. Would you want to stand face to... well, face to chest with someone who outweighed you by 150 pounds? Simian: Of course not.    Simian: Now bringing the big man to his feet once again... Haggar's got him! Robby: He's faster than he looks, Rainstorm! And he's got bad intentions! |
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#215
10-24-2010, 12:34 AM
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      Simian: WHAT A SPINNING PILEDRIVER! COULD WE SEE A NEW CHAMPION?! Robby: I told you, Rainstorm!    Simian: He's motionless. This match should be over. But Haggar is picking him up. Robby: He wants to hurt this man. And I can't blame him. Simian: But at the cost of the title?    Simian: A kick to the gut! And the luchador is back upstairs!    Robby: He'll miss again. |
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#216
10-24-2010, 12:35 AM
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   Simian: He got all of that one! And he hops over and puts the boots to the head of Haggar! Robby: No! He cheated! Probably threw hot sauce in his eyes! Simian: Will you stop!    Simian: To his feet, and Haggar breaks the grapple!    Simian: Big right hand! And it inspires El Stingray to create some space! He's heading into the ropes!    Robby: And a big boot to the face! And another punch! Great stuff! Simian: Indeed, Haggar had that well scouted.    Simian: Back up top, looking for a shooting star press? |
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#217
10-24-2010, 12:36 AM
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   Simian: He misses, but lands on his feet. Robby: SPINNING CLOTHESLINE! That's a finishing maneuver, Rainstorm! It could be over!    Simian: Now taking his time walking over. Looking for an elbow!    Simian: HE MOVED! Both men down now. And this match has taken a lot out of them, Noggin. Robby: It certainly has. Now it's all down to intestinal fortitude. And I think Haggar's got the edge there. Simian: Don't underestimate El Stingray in that department! Both men back to their feet at the same time.    Simian: Stingray in again... Robby: And a boot followed by a punch again! He's not too bright. I think I've been wrong about him from the beginning.    Simian: Up in the air again! Robby: He whiffed with that kick! Simian: But was that his intention, got Haggar in a rear waistlock now! |
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#218
10-24-2010, 12:39 AM
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   Simian: Backdrop driver! This could be it for Haggar!    Robby: Up and over, but now who's making the mistake, Rainstorm? This could be the end, but he's not going for the pin! He's picking him up!          Simian: REAR NAKED CHOKE WITH A BODY SCISSOR! Can Haggar hold on? Robby: That's a chokehold! Simian: It's not, he's cutting of the bloodflow, not the oxygen, it's legal! And Haggar is in trouble! HE SAID YES! HE TAPPED OUT! Harry Hicks calls for the bell! Robby: NO! NO! NO! MIKE HAGGAR DOES NOT TAP OUT! Simian: He promised to embarrass Haggar, and he did just that! Let's go to The Stink for the official results! |
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#219
10-24-2010, 12:40 AM
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   Harold: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match as the result of a submission... and STILL World Heavyweight Champion... EL SSSSSSSSSSTINGRAY!!!!   Look at the "Suplex Pin" bonus for winning by submission. Big numbers, and they keep going up! Simian: Unbelievable match here tonight in Sydney folks, let's go back for post-match comments!  Simian: Haggar clearly upset, but he got his title shot! Next week, live from Tokyo, The Great Oni will get his chance! Won't you join us? For Robby Heehaw, I'm Simian Rainstorm, goodnight everyone! PROMOTIONAL CONSIDERATION PAID FOR BY THE FOLLOWING:  
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#220
10-24-2010, 11:36 PM
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Quote:
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#223
10-25-2010, 10:23 PM
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Metro City 4 LIFE
Bah! That last match was rigged! No way Haggar could've lost in a real fight. I'll bet that El Stingray hired some goons to kidnap his daughter right before the match to distract him.
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#225
10-25-2010, 11:57 PM
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Anyone could tell you that Jessica was backstage the entire time, waiting to run in and throw magic sparkles from a basket to celebrate her father's victory.
 I don't envy Haggar having to explain to that sweet child why the only belt they're taking home is his lonely green suspender. |
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#227
10-26-2010, 11:00 AM
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To this day I wish that the Haggar / Jessica sprite would be modified so that Haggar's holding one finger in the air like Randy Savage.
But then that'd make Jessica Liz, and that would be... creepy. |
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#228
10-29-2010, 12:28 AM
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Quote:
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#229
10-31-2010, 01:51 AM
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Halloween Main Event
 Simian: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us tonight here on CWA Crash Carnival! We are coming to you live this week from Tokyo, where The Great Oni will get a shot at the heavyweight title in his home country against the reigning champ, El Stingray, and they are hanging from the rafters in anticipation! Joining me, as always, is my broadcast partner, Robby "The Noggin" Heehaw! Robby: It's a perfect main event for Halloween, Rainstorm. Two goofs who cover their faces. Simian: Now, these men know each other very well, as they have met in that squared circle many times. I spoke with both men earlier today, and they have a great respect for each other. Robby: That may be, but we'll see what they do once they get in there with each other. The title is on the line! Simian: I think both men understand that, but you can still have mutual respect. Robby: Only if you're a sap! Simian: Let's go to the lockerroom for pre-match comments!  Simian: Strong words. But let's get to the action! We take you now to Harold Stinkel for our ring introductions!    Harold: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is our main event and it is for the CWA World Heavyweight Championship! Now heading down the aisle, he hails from Acapulco, Mexico and weighs in tonight at 163 pounds... The World Heavyweight Champion: EL SSSSSSSSTINGRAY!!!    Harold: And the challenger... weighing in tonight at 221 pounds, from Osaka, Japan... THE GREAT OOOOOOOOOOOOOONI!!!  Simian: The bell is gone and our main event is underway!    Simian: Both men feeling each other out, here. A dropkick attempt by Oni. |
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#230
10-31-2010, 01:52 AM
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      Simian: El Stingray with a full head of steam, he adjusts his pace to avoid another dropkick, goes for a cartwheel attack, and Oni jumps out of the way! What athleticism! These men are certainly evenly matched! Robby: That's right, they are, so one of them is going to have to show more aggression than the other. I think it might be Oni, the challenger seems to want it badly here in his home country.    Simian: And El Stingray finally scores a hit with that spinning kick!    Simian: Looking to follow up with a signature twisting dropkick, but Oni takes a powder! Robby: Smart move, but I'm not sure Stingray's so smart to be going up top this early in the match!    Simian: Indeed, big time high risk as he's perched up there. Going to the outside! NOBODY HOME! Robby: That'll give ya Excedrin headache #27! |
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#231
10-31-2010, 01:53 AM
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   Simian: Back to his feet. Both men going again for dropkicks, neither getting anywhere. Again, showing the similarity in styles and skill.    Simian: Oni goes to tie up, but it's broken!    Simian: An exchange of right hands, still no one in clear control here!   Simian: Again a grapple, again broken.    Simian: Another right hand, and Oni is going for the chair! Robby: I told you! He's getting it! He'll do whatever it takes! Simian: And I think Stingray is ok with that! He understands, it's his home country, he wants the belt! |
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#232
10-31-2010, 01:54 AM
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  Simian: Now Stingray goes for the chair, and he gets a kick for his troubles! What a stalemate we're witnessing!    Simian: Oni back in the ring, Stingray debates taking the chair with him, but leaves it outside. Robby: That's a stupid move, Oni would have taken it in, given the chance.    Simian: Oni missing with a dropkick and getting two kicks for his trouble!    Simian: Finally someone scores with a dropkick, and it's the champ! Robby: A lucky shot, Rainstorm! Simian: Indeed, it may be, but luck may win the day between these two men!    Simian: A stomp, and Oni takes to the outside again! |
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#233
10-31-2010, 01:55 AM
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   Simian: And Stingray gives chase, and he's going for that bucket!    Simian: Swing and a miss, second one finds the mark!    Simian: Second bucket shot finds the mark as well, and a kick. And it looks like someone is finally getting in the driver's seat, and that someone is the World Champion. Robby: It does, but let's not forget that Oni is quite adept with counters. And I'll give credit where credit is due, I don't like these guys, either one of 'em, but this has been a face paced and fantastic match so far!    Simian: A pair of kicks to the gut and a pair of feet to the mush in the form of a corkscrew dropkick!    Simian: A mule kick attempt from Oni, but he misses! Again, the two jockey for position! |
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#234
10-31-2010, 01:56 AM
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   Simian: And a tie-up!    Simian: What a vertical suplex! We could see a count out here in Tokyo! Robby: Let's not forget, Rainstorm, that that move takes a lot out of the guy giving it as well. Simian: Absolutely, those mats aren't that thick out there on the arena floor.    Simian: Back to his feet, Oni rolling away from any potential stomps, and he gets to his feet as well.    Simian: Ziggler sliding back in, and Stingray right behind him!   Simian: Both men, same idea, but Oni a little quicker to the punch. Or perhaps to the kick, as it were. And they come in twos from the Japanese man as well. Robby: That's right, and, again, both men showing their quickness and athleticism, I have no idea how to call this one, and I'm The Noggin! |
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#235
10-31-2010, 01:58 AM
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   Simian: A reciept for Oni, and the Stinger's put some space there, what now?       Simian: JALAPENO COMET! Robby: That's it, Rainstorm, that's all she wrote!    Simian: A desperation dropkick from Oni, and he got all of it! Perhaps he had the Comet scouted? Perhaps he turned away at the last moment to lessen the impact? Robby: Well, whatever the case, he's back on his feet!    Simian: And now perhaps taking over, here. Some kicks on the downed champ. Robby: He's gonna have to stay on him and stay aggressive if he wants that belt! |
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#236
10-31-2010, 02:02 AM
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   Simian: A kick to the face, now what?    Simian: WHAT A T-BONE SUPLEX!    Simian: Oni, stalking now... and a kick to the ribs.    Simian: But like lighting, Stingray is up top! And he's airborne! Robby: Hope it turns out better this time!    Simian: Moonsault! And he got all of it! |
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#237
10-31-2010, 02:04 AM
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   Simian: Up and over, trying to discombobulate. Robby: And he may be successful. Looks like Oni is getting the worst of it, Rainstorm. Plus, he's got those narrow eyes. Simian: Will you stop!    Simian: Both men going for kicks again, neither finds the mark! Now the technico going for another corkscrew dropkick!    Simian: Finds the mark, Oni hits the ropes and on the return, he's in the grip of the champ! Robby: Which, in his weakened state, is not where he wants to be!    Simian: Another vertical suplex, this time inside, and now what? Robby: I don't know, but it's not good for the hometown boy!    Simian: Bringing the challenger to his feet, I think I know what's coming here! |
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#238
10-31-2010, 02:05 AM
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   Simian: An he's got it locked in! He told me earlier tonight, this is not just a rear naked choke, he calls this The Stinger! And referee Harry Hicks doing his job and asking Oni!          Simian: And he's calling for the bell! Oni taps out! It's all over here in Tokyo! Robby: And what a main event, Rainstorm. That was an all-time classic!    Simian: My goodness, El Stingray holds on to that title, but barely! |
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#239
10-31-2010, 02:07 AM
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  Another win, another score tally, another step closer to the real ending! Simian: And let's go back to the lockerroom for post-match comments!  Robby: I wish that guy with the cotton candy on his head would speak English. Simian: Oh, knock it off! Ladies and gentlemen, that's all the time we have for this week, have a happy and safe Halloween! Be sure to join us from Moscow next week! Goodnight! PROMOTIONAL CONSIDERATION PAID FOR BY THE FOLLOWING:  
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