Enter the Squared Circle: Let's Play Saturday Night Slammasters!

Simian: And referee Harry Hicks showing no favoritism. He continues to apply the count as El Stingray looks to avoid the big man while re-entering the ring.

Robby: He should be applying favoritism, Rainstorm! Let the Stinger take a breather!



Simian: Stingray getting back in the ring.

Robby: Just as gracefully as ever, I might add!



Simian: And a pair of big boots puts the rudo on the canvas!

Robby: I think he's a technico tonight, Rainstorm!

Simian: And perhaps this time, it's El Stingray who wants to bring the big Canadian outside?

Robby: I think that after getting that bottle busted over his head, he may not give chase.

Simian: Perhaps. And folks, at this time I'd like to remind you that according to the agreement between the Championship Committee and the BWA, if Jumbo Jack wins this match in any way, he will be crowned CWA World Heavyweight Champion. If El Stingray wins, he will still have to face another BWA competitor next week before becoming champion.



Simian: And Jumbo kicking wildly as Stinger re-enters.

Robby: I think he's got him on the run! I think the fat man has realized that this isn't going to be as easy as he thought!



Simian: El Stingray taking to the air with that signature corkscrew kick! And it finds the mark!

Simian: Both men thinking punch, but it leaves the canuck a little worse for wear!

Robby: Especially after that bottle shot!

Simian: And it allows the smaller man to follow up with a shot to the breadbasket!



Simian: And the big guy is certainly backing toward the ropes, and he catches a swift kick to the midsection!



Simian: And Stingray may have him on the ropes! Oh, no! Jack grabs him! Was he playing possum?

Robby: He's smarter than we gave him credit for! Now he's got our man lifted up! What now?



Simian: He's got him up... What a stampede!

Robby: This is not good, Rainstorm, not good at all! That's over four hundred pounds dropped right on the man's sternum!



Simian: And a little showing off from Jumbo Jack. Maybe more limber than we thought. And now he's bringing the Latino superstar back to his feet.

Simian: He gets him up, and a vicious boot to the back of the head!

Robby: The Stinger's shaking it off and wheeling on fat boy!




Simian: Missing wildly with a kick. Now with corkscrew kick. I think he's on the defense, Noggin.

Robby: Of course he is, he's shaken up after that stampede, he's just trying to keep his distance. He knows it's not just his reputation, but all of CWA on the line here!



Simian: And he connects with a corkscrew kick!

Robby: Flapjack swings with a chop, but Stingray deftly moves out of the way!

Simian: And he manages to Irish whip that behemoth! Into the ropes, Stingray follows, he's playing headgames here, Noggin!

Robby: And that's exactly why I've always liked the man. He's got it going on upstairs, exactly where this colossus doesn't! And that's not to say Jack isn't dangerous, he is, but he's not as dangerous as El Stingray. Don't let the size difference fool you!




Simian: And a flying headbutt takes the big man off his feet!

Robby: And he's immediately back out of the ring! He puts on a front, but he's a coward, I'm sure of it!



Simian: And Stinger's in the high rent district, now, Noggin!

Robby: Moonsault!

Simian: Bombs away, but nobody home! That could be a costly mistake!



Robby: He's back up, but I'm not sure how aware he is.

Simian: Misses another kick, trying to back away from this mountain of a man.



Simian: What a clothesline! He's down, and I think Jumbo thinks this one's in the bag. He's just waiting for a countout!



Simian: And he may be right. El Stingray not moving...

Robby: This is not good, Rainstorm. Not good at all.



Simian: He kipped up! And he's back in the ring!



Simian: The big man goes into the ropes, but he puts on the brakes! Is the sight of El Stingray on his feet too much for him to handle?

Simian: And he's begging off! But El Stingray isn't having it, he's taking to the air!

Robby: Yes!

Simian: No! A giant-sized superkick puts the Latin superstar on his back again!

Robby: I'm not sure he can get up from that, Rainstorm. He's in a bad way.

Simian: And Jumbo approaches, thinking pinfall? No, he's not going for it. This is a bit of arrogance that may come back to bite him!



Robby: And while fatboy gloats, the Stinger slips out of the ring again. He wants Flapjack out there. He wants to do this on BWA terms! He wants no doubts left in anyone's mind!



Simian: The big Canadian clearly not coming out, but it gave the CWA's man some time to catch his breath, and in he goes!



Simian: And maybe now this gargantuan competitor wants to try to compete on El Stingray's level? With speed?

Simian: A miscalculation for sure!

Robby: He was laying in wait when that fat idiot tried to use speed! Another flying headbutt!



Robby: He's just toying with him!

Simian: And look at him appeal to this capacity crowd!

Crowd: PUMP UP, STINGRAY! *clap* *clap* *clapclapclap* PUMP UP, STINGRAY!



Simian: Jumbo a little agitated, here. He charges in!

Robby: And catches a big kick from the top turnbuckle for his troubles!

Simian: And he kips up again!



Robby: Look at El Stingray stalk the fat man.

Simian: And Jumbo rolls now to the outside. Which may, in fact, be right where the Stinger wants him.

Robby: I wouldn't be so sure, Rainstorm



Simian: And El Stingray perching on the top turnbuckle. Some frustration showing on the face of Jack now.

Robby: I told you, the Stinger is too smart for that. He's baiting the big man back in.

Robby: And listen to this crowd!

Crowd: YAYYYYY!!!

Simian: They are firmly behind the CWA here tonight! Another moonsault!



Simian: The big man moves out of the way, but Stingray lands on his feet this time.

Robby: Oh, what a kick to the face!



Simian: And both men thinking kick! And both men thinking kick again, but the luchador gets the worst of it, he's knocked out of the air!




Simian: And the larger individual showing off to the crowd with a practice kick, and the audience doesn't appreciate that.

Crowd: BOOOOOOOO!!!

Robby: But what's he going to do? Stingray has taken such a beating. He might not be able to kick out of a pinning predicament here, Simian Rainstorm!

Simian: He rolls over Stingray, but he's still not capitalizing! This is just in poor taste. He wants to hurt the smaller man. He wants to send a message to the CWA. Just pin him. We'll fight another day.

Robby: You don't understand a man like Jack, Rainstorm, but I do. He'll keep pummelling Stingray until he quits. He's like a cat playing with a mouse before the kill. But in this case, he's underestimating the mouse.





Simian: And Stinger taunting the large man. Getting his strength back, trying to draw him out of the ring, but I think that beer bottle to the head is still fresh in the mind of Jumbo Jack. And I suspect he's not going out of the ring unless Stingray is prone and vulnerable out there.

Simian: The big man hitting the ropes, seemingly just to show El Stingray he's still got gas in the tank. A couple of kicks from the luchador only seem to bring a smile to the big man's face.

Robby: Well, that's because he thinks he's got our masked man right where he wants him, but the fact is, he doesn't.




Simian: JALAPENO COMET OUT OF NOWHERE!

Robby: The fat boy wasn't expecting that! He should've pinned Stingray when he had the chance!

Simian: But the big man doesn't seem that phased! El Stingray to the top! And hit with a Mongolian chop on the way down!

Robby: But he kips up again! He's a house of fire! That Jalapeno Comet revived him!

Simian: I'd say you're right, Noggin! And he's back to the top!




Simian: And he jumps off! Both men missing, both men landing on their feet!

Robby: And the fat man going for a double axe handle, Stingray swinging with a kick!



Simian: But neither connects! Now the reverse! Stingray in the air, Jack on his feet!

Robby: And Stingray hits a corkscrew kick!

Simian: And now he's got Jumbo, what's he got in mind? Can he lift the four hundred pounder?!

Robby: YES! YES! YES! HE DID IT, RAINSTORM, HE SUPLEXED THE FOUR HUNDRED POUNDER!



Simian: Now back upstairs! He leaps with a purpose!



Simian: WHAT A DIVING HEADBUTT! FROM THE TOP TURNBUCKLE, HE GOT ALL OF THAT ONE!

Robby: I have never seen that move! He's pulled out all the stops!



Simian: And Jack isn't moving. When heads clash at that speed, concussions happen!



Robby: His shoulders are down, Rainstorm! He's not moving!

Crowd: 1... 2... 3! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

Simian: HE GOT HIM, HE GOT HIM, HE GOT HIM!

Robby: Unbelievable! I knew he could do it!



Simian: He is bruised, he is battered, he's still not the champ, but he has stopped the belt from going to BWA!



Robby: And enough energy left for a little victory roll. Amazing.

Simian: Let's go to Harold Stinkel for the official announcement!

Harold: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match, as a result of a pinfall... EL SSSSSSSSSSSSTINGRAY!!!

Crowd: YAYYYYYYY!!!


A hard fought victory, to be sure. Our score tallies, and we move on to see the last character!

Simian: Let's go to the lockerroom for some post-match comments.



Robby: You got hosed alright.



Simian: Not again! What is this?



Scorpion: Well, well... It looks like you got past my partner. But that doesn't matter, because next week, in the wrestling capital of the world, Calgary, Alberta, Canada, I am going to take the CWA title back to the BWA. El Stingray, neither myself, nor Victor Ortega expected Jumbo Jack to beat you tonight. In fact, he was told not to pin you. He was sent to soften you up, so that I, the chosen one, the Scorpion, could take that title back to the BWA. And that's just what I plan to do. There's no way you can be in top shape next week, so I'll be nice and give you the option of forfeiting that title to me right now, so I don't have to beat you within an inch of your pointless little life.



El Stingray: Let me tell you something, Scorpion. I may be battered. I may be beaten down. I may have just had the fight of my life, but believe me when I tell you that next week, I'm going to be there. I'm going to fight you. And I'm going to do to you exactly what I just did to your fat friend. No, no... I'm going to do worse than that. I'm going to send you out of the arena in an ambulance, and I'm finally going to strap on that CWA World Heavyweight Title... and then? Then I'm going to...

Crowd & El Stingray: HAVE A DATE WITH YOUR SISTER!

El Stingray: Count on it. See you next week.

Simian: Indeed, folks that is all our time for this week. For Robby Heehaw, I'm Simian Rainstorm! Goodnight!

PROMOTIONAL CONSIDERATION PAID FOR BY THE FOLLOWING:

It's funny to see a WWF/E game that's rated K-A.

Scorpion... didn't he have some sort of weirdness to him that was vaguely reminiscent of M. Bison?

You'll find out next week!

*wipes away a tear*

*EPIC*

Yes, that does say "Calgaly." Engrish, gotta love it!



Scorpion: Let me tell all you CWA pukes something right now: Things won't turn out how you expect them tonight. The Championship Committee has ruled that no matter how the matches in the tournament end, the winner gets the belt. Well, that includes count-outs. And I'm going to treat tonight's match like it was a Falls Count Anywhere Match. I'm going to drag your precious Stingray outside the ring, and pummel him beyond repair. He'll be stretchered out of here tonight. And then, I'll take my championship belt back to the BWA.



Simian: Ladies and gentlemen, some harsh words from the invading Scorpion there before our show opened. And yes, tonight's main event, here at the legendary Saddledome in Calgary, Alberta, Canada is a match for the vacant World Heavyweight Championship pitting El Stingray against that man! Hello, everyone, I'm Simian Rainstorm and I'm joined at this time by my broadcast partner, Robby "The Noggin" Heehaw!

Robby: Rainstorm, this is the culmination of a tournament that's been running since August! We are finally going to see a champion tonight, one way or the other!



Simian: That's absolutely right, Noggin. And we are expecting to see, perhaps not a wrestling match, but a fight here tonight!

Robby: You better believe it, Rainstorm. These guys are fighting for not only their own livelihoods, but their entire respective lockerrooms, and I can only be glad that we've got the cream of the CWA crop out there in El Stingray.

Simian: No doubt, and, as we know, he will do anything to win out there. Now, let's head to the back for pre-match comments!



Simian: Both men putting out a lot of bravado, but this will be all business when they hit the ring! With that in mind, let's go to Harold Stinkel for our ring introductions!



Harold: Ladies and gentlemen, the following interpromotional contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the CWA World Heavyweight Championship! Now approaching the ring, representing the CWA, he weighs in tonight at 163 pounds, hailing from Acapulco, Mexico... "The Ultra Macho Ladies Man" EL SSSSSSSSSSSTINGRAY!!!



Harold: And his opponent, representing the BWA, coming down the aisle, he weighs in at 280 pounds, from Parts Unknown... THE SCOOOOOOOOOORPION!!!



Simian: The bell is gone, and this World Title match is underway!



Simian: Both men feeling each other out in the opening moments of this contest.

Robby: That's right. These men have never met before, so neither wants to take a chance. Scorpion the bigger man here, Rainstorm, but I will tell anyone I bet Stingray's the smarter one.

Simian: Now Scorpion with his hands on El Stingray... he sends him in with an Irish whip...



Simian: And a spinning backfist! But not enough to take the Stinger off his feet!

Robby: Never underestimate his constitution!



Simian: And Scorpion taking to the air to avoid El Stingray. This is the first man I think we've seen who can possibly compete with the luchador on a quickness and agility level, Noggin.

Robby: That may be true, but he can't compete on a smarts or a heart level!



Simian: Again, feeling each other out. And Scorpion not making good on that promise to take this to the outside, is he?

Robby: Absolutely not, he talks a good game, but he may be yellow!

Simian: Got ahold of him now!



Simian: What a belly-to-belly! He nearly took the Latin superstar out of his boots!

Simian: And Scorp ready for whatever comes next. Stingray getting back to his feet now.



Simian: And a corkscrew kick from the Stinger hits the mark! Scorpion reeling!

Robby: That's right! Timing and technique win out every time!



Simian: And Stingray stalking the Scorpion as he gets back to his feet. And a right hand!



Simian: Now Scorpion with a whip around!

Robby: Uh-oh!



Simian: And another beautiful belly-to-belly from the mysterious Scorpion!

Simian: Scorpion looking to follow up?

Robby: No, he jumps back as El Stingray makes a quick move back to his feet!



Simian: And now El Stingray is taking this to the outside!

Robby: That's right, he's forcing Scorpion to put his money where his mouth is! Or where his mask is, anyway!



Robby: And both men are ready to make this a hardcore match, Rainstorm. Both men have their eye on that box of TV equipment.

Simian: And El Stingray warns the invader away with a kick. And he has it! That box has got to weight fifty, sixty pounds easy.



Simian: HE LEAPT AND THREW THAT CRATE AT HIS HEAD! DID YOU HEAR THAT NOISE?

Robby: Then the Scorpion hit his head on the guardrail, and now CWA's masked man is putting the boots to him! He's screaming for vengeance, Rainstorm!



Simian: And Scorpion getting up with the help of the guardrail, but he's on queer street right about now. And what a vicious enzuigiri from El Stingray! And he tumbles back and lands on his feet! AMAZING! What an enzuigiri!

Robby: Scorpion's gotta be concussed now, Rainstorm.

Simian: And he's got that crate again! Stingray is making good on his word from last week! He has evil intentions for the Scorpion here in Calgary!



Simian: And a low kick out of sheer desperation and instinct saves the BWA's "chosen one" from more cranial damage!

Robby: But our man's picking it up again!



Simian: And a big kitchen sink kneelift to the gut gives him time to scramble back into the safety of the ring!

Robby: I told you, Rainstorm, he's a coward!



Robby: But he can't run for long, Stinger's got the crate, and he looks like he's headed to the ring!

Simian: Maybe, but Scorpion's still looking like a man with his bell rung... and what's this?



Simian: Scorpion going for a tope!

Robby: He's laying it on the line, but he's got more guts than brains!

Simian: EL STINGRAY SIDESTEPPED IT! Scorp got a mouthful of the concrete arena floor! There's no way he makes it back in the ring before 20!

Crowd: 18... 19... 20! YAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

Simian: HE DID IT!

Robby: And, as that coward pointed out to us all, the Championship Committee has ruled that that makes him the champion!




Simian: And I'm not sure if it's out of disappointment or head trauma, but Scorpion has crumbled to his knees as El Stingray gives us a little celebratory breakdance! Let's get the official announcement from The Stink!

Harold: Ladies and gentlemen... your winner and NEW CAPCOM WRESTLING ASSOCIATION WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: EL SSSSSSSSSSSSSTINGRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Crowd: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!



And our score tallies up, and our Victory Crown bonus tallies up! El Stingray is the champ!

Simian: Alright, ladies and gentlemen, let's head to the back for post-match comments! We'll see how smart Scorpion is now!



Robby: You better believe you underestimated him, punk!

Simian: Alright, ladies and gentlemen, before we go, let's take a look at the Stinger's journey here!

We've won the title, but in order to see the real ending, we have to defend it!

Simian: And the champ is definitely deserving of our praise, Noggin!

Robby: Better believe it, Rainstorm.

Simian: We're out of time for this week, folks. Join us next week from Los Angeles, when El Stingray will have his first title defense! For Robby Heehaw, I'm Simian Rainstorm, goodnight folks!

PROMOTIONAL CONSIDERATION PAID FOR BY THE FOLLOWING:

Oh man, the end of that match had me actually laughing out loud. That was beautiful.

out of the ring count outs are the best..

HE'S REALLY SCOTT STEINER!

THE GENETIC FREAK! BIG POPPA PUMP! HOLLER IF YOU HEAR ME!

Since I suspect very few others got this particular exchange, try and find the Royal Rumble 2003 match between HHH and Steiner when Steiner does something like a dozen different belly-to-belly suplexes in the match because he's physically incapable of doing anything else by that point and HHH called the match to make that obvious.

Roderick Strong would take that "master of one move" gimmick and, years later, turn it into his thing.