Enter the Squared Circle: Let's Play Saturday Night Slammasters!

Simian: The challenger leaps over the top again, and he catches a spinning kick for his troubles!

Robby: But he's barely phased! He's grabbing the little luchador!

Simian: And what could he have in mind?




Simian: My goodness, the power! The strength on display here, Noggin!

Robby: He calls it the Slam Spiral, and I think it'll be enough to win the CWA title!

Simian: I hope not, but it's hard to argue!



Simian: Airborne again! Looking perhaps for a flying stomp? But the champ is back up!



Simian: Uh-oh... the masked man from Parts Unknown has Stingray hooked up, and I think we know what's coming here!

Robby: DDT! You know what that DDT means, Rainstorm? It means it's over!

Simian: Indeed, I am not sure how much more punishment the champ can take.



Simian: And he's just waiting for the champ to stand up! And another rib-crushing kick!

Robby: I love it!



Simian: And the champ goes for a kick of his own, but it's deflected, and he's tied up!

Seriously, in the grand tradition of all '90s arcade game bosses, this asshole has priority over every move you do, so even though I'm close to the final frame of my kick, his grapple takes precedence. This is not the norm, as there is no rock-paper-scissors type scheme for grapples vs. strikes vs. running attacks or whatever as many later games would implement.



Simian: Irish whip! And what a flying cross chop! My goodness, I don't like this man, but I take nothing away from him as an athlete.



Simian: And the champion is motionless. Scorpion has engineered quite a comeback here in Alberta, folks.

Simian: But the champ is quick as a hiccup, even in this state, and he hits a swift kick to the midsection!



Simian: Airborne now, looking for a kick... both men hit, but the champion certainly got the worst of it!

Robby: That's because he doesn't have the form and precision of the challenger! He lacks the same athleticism!

Simian: Will you stop? We both know that isn't true! Stingray may be the best raw athlete in the CWA!

Robby: But Scorpion isn't in the CWA!



Simian: Staying right behind El Stingray is the BWA invader. He's taking his time, waiting for him to get up.

Robby: Watch this!



Simian: A hard kick! But the Stinger answers with one of his own! Both men beaten down! Both men in trouble!



Simian: This time Stinger to the air, misses with a corkscrew kick, then misses with a grounded kick! The agility of The Scorpion cannot be overstated!

Simian: Challenger swings a kick, misses, JALAPENO COMET! BUT HE SIDESTEPPED IT!!

Robby: There's that agility again, Rainstorm! He can't hit that move on someone with reflexes like The Scorpion!



Simian: And nothing doing on the return trip, either!



Simian: Again, they exchange kicks, and this time the champ comes out on top!



Simian: Now back in high risk territory is the champion! He's getting his second wind, and he goes to this Canadian crowd, and they are going bananas!

Crowd: YAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!



Simian: A kip up from the challenger, but another moonsault finds the mark, and the challenger is down again!

Robby: No! How is he doing this?

Simian: Following up with a huge senton, and now stomping away!



Simian: He is putting the boots to him, folks!

Robby: No!

Simian: YES! This man wants to destroy the CWA, give him hell, champ!



Simian: He's in now with a full head of steam! Cartwheel kick!



Simian: Now he picks up the challenger, what does he have in mind?

Robby: Nothing good!

Simian: My goodness, that's the new move he promised! He kicked off Scorpion, went straight up and did a Jalapeno Comet right down on his head! Like some kind of Atomic Diver! THAT HAS GOT TO BE IT!

Robby: I don't know what that was, but my hat's off to Stingray for pulling it off!



Simian: Turns him over, and...



Simian: That's gotta be all!

Simian: IT'S OVER! THE BWA HAS BEEN CHASED AWAY FOR GOOD! Let's go to the Stink for the official announcement!



Harold: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match... and STILL CWA World Heavyweight Champion; EL SSSSSSSSSSSTINGRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Crowd: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!




Look at that big score! And now... the best ending to Saturday Night Slammasters!

Simian: How phenomenal! Scorpion has been chased out, and now the Championship Committee is joining El Stingray in the ring!

Simian: Indeed, Victor Ortega laying down the challenge! Will we see this dream match someday? I don't know, but I do know we'll see you next week from Philly when El Stingray puts the title on the line against Mike Haggar in a barbed wire match! We're out of time now, for Robby Heehaw, I'm Simian Rainstorm, goodnight everyone!

PROMOTIONAL CONSIDERATION PAID FOR BY THE FOLLOWING:

Grats on beating it - nice finisher too!

The game ends with you getting into another fight? One you don't get to fight?

Yes. In the worse ending (not exactly bad, per se) like three dudes show up and challenge you. Not only do you not get to fight them, they don't even show up in the sequel. At least Ortega is playable in Slammasters 2: Ring of Destrucity. Er, no... "Ring of Destruction." Sorry.

He also took the time between games to turn his body into a freakin' mountain.




Then again, everyone knows that Hulkamania is the strongest force in this universe.

A word on the Genesis version of Saturday Night Slammasters: I did most of this LP on the Super Nintendo version for two reasons. The first being that it looks better, as most games that came out for the Super NES and the Genesis did. The second is that it's the version I played more as a kid. On playing the Genesis version to get this final match, I have determined that in many ways the Genesis version is, in fact, superior. The control seems tighter, the moves are easier to pull off (keep in mind, I used the exact same controller on both versions), there are voice samples that are absent from the SNES version.

That being said, I still like both versions, and, as is the point of this post, they each had an exclusive feature. The SNES version feature 4-player action, like the arcade. With a multitap (included with Super Bomberman), you and three friends could have "Team Battle Royals" until the sun came up. The Genesis version lacked this feature, but because Sega was more open to violence at the time, it included the Death Match mode. Tragically, the Death Matches are only available as two-player vs. games, and never come up in the single player mode. This being the case, the part of Haggar will be played tonight by my roommate, Dick.

Ok, Let's Play Saturday Night Slammasters!



Yep, we've seen all this before. Looks pretty similar, fewer colors.



Ok, we see an extra option on the title screen, and if we go into the options, we have no sound test, and we also see that the standard eight star Capcom difficulty option has been changed to a five bicep system. Doesn't matter here, because I'll be playing a human opponent.

Ok, well, that's all the major differences... Take it away, Simian!



Simian: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, I'm Simian Rainstorm, and welcome to a very special, cross-promotional episode of CWA Crash Carnival! We are coming to you live from the BWA Arena here in Philadelphia, PA where this crowd is going bananas in anticipation of our main event! Mike Haggar is looking not only to win the Capcom Wrestling Association World Heavyweight Championship belt, he is also looking for his final revenge on the World Champion, El Stingray! I am joined at this time by BWA commentator, Johnny Instyle!

Johnny: That's right, Simian, and it's time you saw some BWA-style action! I hope you're ready!

Simian: I am ready, and I'm excited! Let's go to the lockerroom for pre-match comments!*

*Yes, I know that never, at any time, did Joey Styles do commentary alongside the late, great Gorilla Monsoon. In fact, during the ECW invasion of the WWF in 1997, Joey Styles did not do commentary at all, only the WWF announcers did. But, hey, wouldn't it be awesome if they had done commentary together?



Johnny: Some choice words for the champion, but certainly, talk is cheap outside of the ring. Can he win the title tonight?

Simian: I would say highly unlikely, but I have been wrong before. These men are already in the ring, surrounded by barbed wire and explosives, so let's get right to the action!*

*This mode does not contain entrances.



Simian: The bell is gone, and this one is underway! And we can see that El Stingray has gone with a new color combination tonight.

Johnny: That's right, Simian, and those are the colors he wore earlier in his career, when he was competing in these types of matches. That is a warning to Haggar.



Simian: The champion taking to the air! And he lands a big corkscrew kick right to the kisser of the challenger!



Johnny: And the champion is ready to get hardcore as he grabs that beer bottle!

Simian: But he's dropkicked by the challenger and drops it before he can use it!

Johnny: Another corkscrew kick finds the mark as these men jockey for position!



Simian: The champ has the bottle again... and these men, as we know, are not on good terms.

Johnny: Absolutely not, there is no love lost here.



Simian: He's taking to the air!

Johnny: OH MY GOD!!! He threw the bottle as he jumped and shattered it on the face of Mike Haggar!



Johnny: And it's important that El Stingray realizes not to get cocky here, the challenger is not down and out yet. He's playing it cautiously.

Simian: Indeed he is, though Haggar is not in good shape.



Simian: Sends in the challenger...

Johnny: Right into the barbed wire! And an explosion! That's what these fans paid to see!

Crowd: BWA! BWA!

Simian: In the high rent district, now...

Johnny: Indeed. And the BWA is just as known for great high-flying as it is for barbed wire and tables!



Simian: He's airborne now! But the larger man moves out of the way!

Johnny: And a hard shot to the gut doubles over El Stingray!




Johnny: JALAPENO COMET!!! AYE DIOS MIO!!

Simian: A sacrifice made to do damage to the challenger! Once he starts that move, he can't stop himself, and he hit those explosive rigged barbed wire ropes!



Simian: And Haggar first to his feet...

Johnny: And a crate of TV equipment has been thrown into the ring! The equalizer!

Simian: And the Stinger really using that dropkick to his advantage tonight!

Johnny: Absolutely, but it will take more than that to keep the former champion down.



Simian: Haggar going for a kick, and he is beaten to the punch, no pun intended.

Johnny: Now taking to the air, not sure if that's a wise manuver when going up against a luchador.



Johnny: Rolling sole butt! And that allows El Stingray a chance to grab that crate!

Simian: What did you call that move?

Johnny: A rolling sole butt. It's a move that's very popular in Japan.

Simian: Indeed.



Simian: What a blow with that crate! And now looking for another?



Johnny: But Haggar's big boot finds its mark, and that crate goes crashing to the canvas!

Simian: And he follows up with a big right hand, and a beauty!

Simian: Dropkick finds the mark once again!

Johnny: And he's got him hooked up! A tiger driver '91 in the cards, perhaps?



Simian: No! A huge butterfly suplex!

Johnny: And now with the crate again, this does not bode well for the challenger!



Simian: He smashed that crate right on the head of the prone Haggar! I understand the frustration between these men, but he should end it. Go for a pin.

Johnny: Not here in BWA! These fans want to see a beating, and if you ask me, Haggar has earned one!

Simian: I don't disagree, but this might be too much.



Simian: Haggar rolls out under that barbed wire, and that's a close shave.

Johnny: And the champ giving chase!



Johnny: He came in right behind the big man, and sent him towards the guard rail with an Irish whip! But between them and the guard rail are land mines!

Johnny: OH MY GOD!!!

Simian: Blown to bits!



Simian: And what now? All this frustration with Haggar, all the rage, all the hate of seeing his former friend turn on him, attempt to cost him the belt, it's all coming out here!



Johnny: DIOS MIO! The lucha libre competator just hit a huge backdrop on the outside!



Simian: And he's back in the ring, leaping over the barbed wire. The challenger, motionless.



Simian: Haggar is stirring now...

Johnny: And back to his feet, but looking much worse for wear.

Simian: The champion staying cautious, and now going for another corkscrew kick!



Simian: Went to the well once too often! Haggar had it scouted, and he's got ahold of the smaller man!

Johnny: But he broke the grapple! Haggar is in far too rough shape!



Simian: And a kick to the breadbasket!



Simian: Again with the kick, and again, scouted. This time the champ ends up on his back because of it!



Simian: The challenger taking to the air with no success.

Johnny: A hard left finds Haggar, and Stingray hooks it up.

Simian: And what a second wind! The big man breaks the grapple!

Johnny: Now rushing in...

Simian: And a MASSIVE back body drop!



Johnny: What hangtime! And he comes crashing down to the mat!



Simian: Now going for another backdrop!

Johnny: Haggar breaks it, and a huge kick to the midsection!



Simian: Both men with the same idea.

Johnny: But Haggar is the heavier hitter, and the champion is flat on his back.



Simian: Haggar just stalking, taunting the downed champion as he gets to his feet...

Johnny: Haggar hits a dropkick!

Simian: And a beauty!

Johnny: But not enough to take Stingray off his feet, and he comes back with modified flying Liger kick!



Simian: Right hand to the solar plexus!

Johnny: And a kick!

Simian: And a kick in return! This is just a fight, plain and simple!



Simian: Another boot, and they lock up!

Johnny: And again, Haggar showing his strength!



Simian: Another boot, but Haggar doesn't seem to have the power left to put behind it to take the Stinger off his feet!

Johnny: And he's hooking it up once again with the challenger!



Johnny: He's got him up! The perfect opportunity for a double underhook backbreaker!

Simian: But no, it's another huge butterfly suplex! And he seems to be calling for the end!

El Stingray: YOU WANNA SEE THE STINGER? THIS! IS! THE END!




Johnny: HE TAPPED OUT! HE TAPPED OUT! IT'S ALL OVER!!!

Simian: Let's go to BWA ring announcer Rob Ortiz for the official word!



Rob: The winner of the match and still CWA CHAMPION... THE HUMAN HIGHLIGHT REEL KNOWN AS EL STINGRAY!!!

Can we be honest, here? Score was already pointless by the time this game came out.

Johnny: What a match! Just as brutal and unforgiving as we expected! And I'm honored to have been able to call it with you, Simian Rainstorm. One of the greats of this business.

Simian: Absolutely, thank you, Johnny. Now let's go backstage for post-match comments.



Simian: And an apology to his daughter Jessica from Mike Haggar. Maybe after that match, he's realized the error of his ways? And... what? I'm sorry folks, I'm getting word in my headset that starting next month the CWA will be hosting a TAG TEAM TITLE TOURNAMENT WE ARE CALLING THE HEAT UP SCRAMBLE! Make sure to tune in next month for that, and we are out of time! For Johnny Instyle, I'm Simian Rainstorm, goodnight everyone!

PROMOTIONAL CONSIDERATION PAID FOR BY THE FOLLOWING:

And yet, if this were released today, it could probably be put to good use in leaderboards and such.

I was wondering how you were going to continue this after beating the game-- now I have my answer.

Are you sticking with the Genesis version, or going back to Super NES for the tag tournament?

And ironically, the fewer colors of the Genesis seems more fitting for an ECW-type deathmatch.

And speaking of the deathmatch, do those typically feature countouts?

I guess in hoping for a VC release, I should hope for the Genesis version now...

Hmm... You'll see come the first week of January. But I bet Kishi knows the answer.

No, they don't. I actually meant to comment on that, but forgot to. And as far as a VC release goes... well, if it happens (may not, due to the whole Tetsuo Hara factor, nevermind that VC releases are a slow drip at best nowadays), I would say given Capcom's track record thus far, we'll probably get both, but if you have three friends you're likely to play the game with, I'd hope for the SNES version. If it's just you and Nadia, I'd say Genesis.

I played the hell out of those Acclaim N64 games, including Hardcore Revolution. For some reason I preferred them to the vastly superior THQ games. I think it was because I always liked to create my own wrestlers (dozens of them) and make up angles with my friends, and the first couple THQ games have a CAW engine, so I started with Warzone and went from there. By the time WM2K came out and really rounded out that THQ formula, I was too used to the awful Acclaim gameplay to jump ship.

Yeah, it's just Nadia and myself, and I'm not even sure how interested she'd be beyond watching, if that.

That is the worst case of wrestling Stockholm Syndrome I've ever heard. You poor man.