Every Elf in the North Pole
Liked Christmas a Lot
But Wily, in his Skull Castle,
He certainly did not
He never got presents
No piano lessons or egg beaters
He had no itchy sweaters
Or bobble heads of world leaders
You know the reason why
The cause is not well furled
He's always on the Naughty List
For trying to take over the World
So Wily had a thought
and it was a wicked plan
He'd build an Army of Robots
And replace that Jolly Toyman!
And a robot army he built!
But it wasn't enough!
So he also built a time machine
(He had the stuff)
And Wily got a bigger army!
From the Past, Future and Space!
Rangers with Power!
And Knights in Disgrace!
He marched on the North Pole
With Conquest in his eye!
"HAIL THE NEW SANTA!"
"WILY CLAUS IS NIGH!"
And so Santa hid, with fear
Deep under his bed
There were robots coming
And they wanted him dead
There was one chance left
Let's hope it's not crass
It's all in little metal hands;
IT'S TIME FOR MEGAMAS
Ahh, the mathematical center of November. Pumpkin has given way to Nog, Dracula is sleeping peacefully in his grave and the Hallmark Channel has officially replaced the remaining 15% of its programming lineup that isn't Christmas Movie related, and you know what that means...
That's right; it's Talking Times Favorite Holiday (next to needing to re-enter your TFA log-ins) MEGAMAS! The Most Secular Time of Year! The Festival of Fights! A time when all the rad, chili-loving members of our little forum come together and BLOW! ROBOTS! APART!
It's a holiday tradition I started when I was knee-high to a frog and have been keeping close to my heart ever since; and, once again YOU CAN HELP by saving Santa from his paralyzing ROBO-TERROR
The rules are so simple you may be following them already without realizing it!
1. Between November 15th and December 25th, we all come together and play as many Mega Man Games as possible
2. We keep track of every Robot Master (or their respective equivalent) we blow to bits and defeat as many as possible
3. If we can collectively bring down EIGHT HUNDRED Evil Robot Masters, Santa Clauses self confidence will be restored enough to make his big delivery, otherwise CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED!
That seems straightforward enough, right? But nothing is ever straightforward where Dr. Wily is concerned, so here's some answers to questions that you have;
Q. What counts as a Mega Man game?
A. The dictionary defines a Mega Man game as "Any video game that looks like a Mega Man game, if you squint". Be that Mega Man itself, or Shovel Knight, or Krion Conquest, or whatever
Q. Is it ANY boss fight in a Mega Man game, or just the guys on the level select screen?
A. Listen to your heart; but generally speaking big tank bosses and Wily Machines and the like don't count. Just Robot Masters.
Q. What about rematches? You can't have a Mega Man game without boss rematches!
A. Unless the fight is markedly different in the rematch, just limit it to one per game. Dark Man and Doc Robot are kind of debatable and you'll have to consult with your doctor, priest and a local witch to determine how best to count those.
Q. How could you have been celebrating MEGAMAS since the early 1990s, if Mega Man himself wasn't built until the year 20XX?
A. Many of the traditions we associate with MEGAMAS were originally adopted from other cultures, and shouldn't be taken at literal face value. Except for the parts where Santa is menaced by Robots every year, that actually happens. It's why NATO monitors him every year.
Q. Does MEGAMAS just really translate to BIGMORE?
A. Technically, BIGMORE translates to MEGAMAS.
Q. My cousin said they celebrate ROCKMAS in Japan instead of MEGAMAS. Was I right to punch him in the mouth for telling lies?
A. You were in general, but he was telling the truth about this.
Q. My family doesn't believe in Mega Man, will I still get presents?
A. No
And I guess that's everything; so pour yourself up a big heaping bowl of Nog, jingle up your bells, and bring a Happy MEGAMAS to All, and to all AND EVERLASTING FIGHT!
