Absurd Extracts: What Is the "Best" Post?

[Issun]

Was wondering if his screed was going to mention Sound of Freedom and it sure did.

 

[Felicia]

Slight context: It's a comment on an unfinished piece of fanfiction:

Update. Now.

I'm sick of writers holding out on us. We are what keeps you going. Without a reader your. Nothing. Don't you fucking DARE stop. I hate the entitled attitude of writers. Like you think your something special.

I could finish this fic in a week and your updating so slow.

 

[RT-55J]

Somehow I don't think that commenter has correctly identified the entitled person in this situation.

 

[q 3]

X is the future state of unlimited interactivity – centered in audio, video, messaging, payments/banking – creating a global marketplace for ideas, goods, services, and opportunities. Powered by AI, X will connect us all in ways we’re just beginning to imagine.

 

[Felicia]

Is he suggesting that X is, indeed, going to give it to us?

 

[RT-55J]

Statement
We the residents of Alderwood Water District; enjoy one of America’s highest quality, best tasting water. Pure, high-quality water does not happen by accident, rather through faithful, dedicated stewardship over the resources given to us by God, and nature.

It is wise to remember, as good as Alderwood Water is; it is written;
“Whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life. In the last day, Jesus cried, saying, If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink. A pure river of water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding out of the throne of God and of the Lamb.

In the midst of the street of it, and on either side of the river, was there the tree of life, which bare twelve manner of fruits, and yielded her fruit every month: and the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations. However, whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire.

God bless you and God bless the Alderwood Water District.

 

[lincolnic]

I like how the fact that there's no closing quotation mark implies that not only is "god bless the Alderwood Water District" included in the Bible, but also that the quote just keeps going.

 

[q 3]

Just for the record, my boots are 20 years old and my hat is ten years old. And I have an arsenal of weapons, most of which I bought in California before they changed the law to make it impossible to do so. I’ve hip-fired a 50 cal while walking. Might have the video somewhere.

 

[muteKi]

I haven't the concern to actually bold all the randomly-bolded words throughout this tirade, just rest assured that they exist and it makes it look even more unhinged.

The mainstream media are afraid of my influence and ability to express my individual investment thesis.

Please repost this to counter their misinformation and selective coverage with the engagement they fear.

Today, @alexandrascaggs of @FinancialTimes was paid to write this piece on $BBBYQ: https://ft.com/content/dc02968b-b05d-4ad8-9a8d-ec9197068c07

This article is an array of poorly worded drivel, full of misinformation and written by whichever minimum wage editor was assigned the task.

Alexandra is another mouthpiece for whoever company she can land herself in, from Bloomberg, WSJ and now Financial Times.

Alexandra, you are just another inherently incompetent individual littering mainstream media. The minimum IQ requirement to become a journalist continues declining.

You’re not brave enough to take risks and invest in people; this is why you’re a journalist you will write about whatever you are paid to write about. You lack a moral compass; ethics and you have minimal understanding of market dynamics.

You belong to a weak bloodline that will never be remembered. You cover the news; we make the news.

Your article claims this is a conspiracy theory, a common label attached to discredit people’s opinions, beliefs and decisions. We see this label attached by mainstream puppets anytime someone questions anything out of the normal, anytime we use our conscious minds to critically question things that your handlers would prefer we conform to.

Your article claims my tweet was an overly lengthy post, despite your overly lengthy article providing less facts and information than my post you quoted.

The article has failed to address why the new entities have been registered, why the Teddy trademarks were filed 4 days before Ryan Cohen sold his stake, why short positions are still accruing cost to borrow despite share cancellation.

Thousands of investors lose money in stocks, did you cover the demise of Credit Suisse with such a passionate interest?

Your attention span is like a leaf, blowing in the wind to whichever direction you are pushed into. My attention is a fixed tree of unwavering conviction that mainstream media fears to no extent.

You have relied on influence as power for far too long and retail investors are waking up to your methods of narrative control and this will cripple your modus operandi.

Thank you for directing traffic here today, I will use it to continue informing people of my thesis, with objective data, inductive reasoning and logical deductions.

I hope you continue this media coverage into $BBBYQ over the next two weeks, then we will see how unbiased your reporting is.

I will grant that dude has a point, as I'm sure his conviction is feared by mainstream media to absolutely no extent

 

[q 3]

Move over sovereign citizens, the real truth is that Bed Bath & Beyond is the only legitimate government (finally we know what the "Beyond" was)

 

[Tegan]

There was a new Folding Ideas about all this earlier this week if anyone wants to spend two and a half hours finding out what the fuck this guy is on about:

tl;dr: the people who were late buy-ins (or just never sold their stock) during the whole Gamestop stock thing have developed their FOMO into this increasingly unhinged idea that not only is Gamestop stock going to rise again, it's going to rise to astronomical levels never before seen in the world of economics and that the government is going to have to set up a program to pay trillions of dollars to a bunch of redditors for their stake in that video game store you walk past in the mall sometimes. Part of this belief is built on Some Fuckin Guy named Cohen who treats himself like a big deal, who invested a bunch into Gamestop and Bed Bath and Beyond and then made a series of poorly-reviewed financial education-themed children's books that reddit is now convinced contain coded secret messages that he's using to signal them about changes in the stock market.

That's part of it anyway. It's a good video.

 

[Exposition Owl]

This kind of nuttiness is the first thing that comes to mind when I'm reminded of the whole Gamestop stock thing. I hope that the upcoming movie about that, which seems to treat the Redditors involved as Working Class Heroes who Strike A Blow against Big Finance, says at least a little bit about what a grift/cult the whole thing has become.

 

[Eishtmo]

I think the best part was, yes, one hedge fund was folded by it, but ONLY one. The rest made a shit ton of money off these poor saps, and still are, everyday.

 

[muteKi]

We will be revolutional community!

1. We will reconstruct the global economy and world order by sending shorts to the deepest whole ever known to man.

2. PP is accepted as part of the new global power leaders community, which includes all the greatest leaders of the world, RC, Icahns, Pulte, Elon, Larry Cheng, and Pepe the frog. This great group would be much stronger than Illuminati, Rothschilds, Blackrock and Vanguard, US Goverment, anything you can think of.

3. Travis, Region, Life, Josh, Jake2b, Kais, Okbet, ABC, Stock_digest, Salvatore, Real_eyezz, and Al (sorry if I forgot some important names) would be knighted by the new leaders of the world, who would be saluting these prophets for their absolute magnificent DD and super work for our community. They would not be named as "Sir/Dame" or "Lord/Lady", our new Teddy-knights would be remembered as glorious as "Diamond Teddys". Statues would be built of golden towels and their names would be recognized in the history books of every country.

4. Once we, the PP community, rocket to the Jupiter, we have to make a quick stop on the moons surface since the journey is long and everyone needs a bite of snack. We will eat the moon, since its made of cheese.

5. Elon musk is with us on the rocket, so we would have to drop him to Mars, so he can finally make his dream come true and colonize it. He would get of the rocket by jumping out of the front window, with just terminator sunglasses and leather-made Borat swimsuit on, Parachuting to the red planet.

6. Once we reach Jupiter, we will begin to work. We will colonize Jupiter, fuck around and find out. Once our job is done, the new land would be known as the new Garden of Eden. PP would be our president and he would be keeping in touch with leaders of the earth and mars.

7. ThePPs would live happy and long life by driving their Lambos and eating Wendy's for breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper. Tomorrow would be always a great day, no matter what.

8. Every once in a year, we would rocket our selves back to the earth with Elon musk, to celebrate global Teddy-day which was created by Ryan Cohen himself. This day would be just for us to remember, honour, and salute what happened and what was done in 2023. Judge Papalia would come down to remind how the court actually went down. After that, the comedy show would take part. We would be laughing at those who couldn't manage their anger in the courtroom, like that SEC supervisor who was harshly put to sit down by lawyers who were working with BBBY. We would be also reading old tweets from Jim Cramer, Doug and who else ever went full hard retard on shilling against us. After comedy and dinner, Ryan Cohen, PP and all the leaders would take time to meet us ordinary PPs, who were there with them, diamond handing when times demanded so, and invested their precious income to the stock. That would be night to remember.

9. Life would be good. Did I miss something?

 

[RT-55J]

Actually, you know what?

We should let them colonize Jupiter.

 

[muteKi]

In my own mind, I’ve hit it out of the park a few times, my deciphering of the “Turd in the Salad” being the one I’m most proud of. My amateur Neuroscience background and rudimentary understanding of hypnosis being the way I was able to put my finger on that weapons-grade bit of Shillery.


“Discovering” that was fun, so I try to watch out for more of this insanity. So here I am, a Red-bulled-up Mall Cop with a fully-charged Segway.

Butt-weight, there's more

So let’s take a deep dive into my personal flavor of paranoia as it applies to your posting, shall we? (Notes: the OP’s posting had the recent RC tweet meme of an “old” version of himself as an image at the top, Op’s text is broken up in quotations in the bullet points below [muteKi note: the bullet-points were badly-formatted and I've attempted to replace them with line-breaks]. Where the OP dropped 2 Reddit user names, I inserted spaces in order to not duplicate the obnoxiousness.)

“If you have been a part of this sub for any length of time, you know that the saying here is “only the young”, to the point where it’s repeated much like “this is the way” from mandalorian.”
This passage, taken in with the entire piece, reeks of a slightly off-kilter tone, as if the poster had studied the Sub yet was not part of the culture.

“u/ realpulte coined and it it is used by u/ PPseeds and the whole gang.”
By tying in these 2 august PP personages, even using their Reddit user names we have an appeal to authority to lend the poster credibility. And on the surface, it would seem to lend even more credibility – “Wow, he has guts to use their Reddit handles – he’s not afraid.” Which is a dumb take as a moment’s thought would lend one to understand these 2 guys don’t have *time* to pay attention to a dumbass post like this, and if they did, *aaaaallllll* the better as it would stir the shit pot harderer. This one really Frosts my Jimmies – it has such an inauthentic tone and is so disrespectful of these 2 people – they could have been referenced without the user-name drop. Sus as hell as not behavior emanating from a PP mindset.

“As we know, there is a growing theory that RC is going to come in and save Bobby and take us to Uranus.”
OK, there is where the unwavering conviction kicks in that I’m dealing with a “How do you do, fellow kiddos?” fook’n midwit with a well-thumbed PhD-written guidebook and a BA in Psychology who would rather not be a Barista. *Growing Theory????* This is the kind of inauthentic statement a week of study produces, not 84 years. PPs do not sound like this. An actual newbie does not speak like this. Amateur melters do not sound like this. Nope, I smell all that is left over - a Real Deal Pro Shill.

“I hope that is the case, however I have had an intrusive thought come up after seeing a tweet from Ryan Cohen as a old mf dude. When I first saw it I tried to look for whatever I could to look for an extra meaning because RC said in the interview that all details are important.”
More of same, softening the reader’s critical faculties up with “intrusive thought” and “extra meaning” and appealing to the PP mindset of trying to peer behind the veil - a necessary mindset to have in order to have hung around for 84 years, yet here, perhaps, is being turned against itself in order to subvert the thought processes of unsuspecting PPs. I also note the leaning on a generic statement by RC as an appeal to credibility – getting you to nod your head, “Yes”, in order to soften you up for the non-sensical leaps of “logic” to follow. Even car sales reps use this technique.

“I guess my question is What could this mean? Could this be his way of distancing or letting us know that he is not part of “only the young”?
And here is the leap, the payload! *OOOooooh NOOOOoooos!* We were wrong all this time – we have been abandoned!!
(Christians, please forgive a bit of blasphemy)
‘Eloi Eloi Lama Sabachthani’!
This is taking advantage of the necessary vagueness of the tin foil suffusing this play as all *kinds* of interpretations can be spun. I’m not saying this payload is all that devastating, that convincing. Hard, throbbing PPs laugh at this stuff. I’m saying they have their generic strategies, born of PhD-level research and years of A/B split testing, deployed against countless cellar-boxed stocks by midwits like this character and worse. The bitter Rage Nerds culled from COD forums working for pizza money are the lowest level in this hierarchy, the “level 1s” of this Help Desk From Hell, people like OP are your “Level 2s”.

“Could it be because “it’s been 84 years”? I’m looking for more discussion over this tweet from rc that was largely non discussed in the past 5 days.”
Sigh. More off-kilter drivel. Largely non-discussed? Attempt to further stir the shit pot and hopefully get commenters wedged against each other while diverting criticism.

“Please don’t ban me I’m not shilling I’m legitimately asking a question”
Aggghhh. Please, no, not the classic cry bully preemptive “poor victim me, don’t ban me Bro”, “I’m legitimate, don’t judge me”, low effort gaslighting.

The title of the Post was: “I already know I’m gonna get hate for this post, but I must ask the question.” (I put it at the end as it fits here well.) More of the same classic cry bully preemptive “victim me, noble me” gaslighting. Well folks, I hope you found that entertaining!!!

 

[ThornGhost]

I fucking hate ornamental gourds. You can't eat them. You can't fuck them. And you can't kill them, because they are already dead.

 

[muteKi]

I didn't get kicked out of the hobby lobby for life just so someone could tell me I can't do what I already have!!

 

[q 3]

Experts project that homosexual marriage is the dark harbinger of chaos and sexual anarchy that could doom even the strongest republic

 

[Exposition Owl]

“experts”

 

[muteKi]

well at least ol jorpy boy hasn't had trouble finding work after the whole losing his position, bad diet, benzo coma, etc.

 

[Becksworth]

Oh shut up!

(Disclaimer: sarcastically quoting another house Republican)

 

[RT-55J]

implying that the USA is such a strong republic that a dark harbinger of chaos is needed to doom it

 

[muteKi]

Are infinity stones worthless?

I have over 40 non bankrupt tickers that nobody cares about. There’s more and more companies emerging from bankruptcy with value these days. So I post about a few I find interesting and somewhat connected and similar. The response is totally inorganic. It’s one of the reasons I’m still in this sub.

You judge me but don’t know me at all. Cheers bud.

 

[Becksworth]

Wat?

 

[RT-55J]

more stonk ape nonsense, i presume

 

[muteKi]

Small context: ape in question was being judged for investing habits to the effect of "you've been collecting up bankrupt stocks like they're infinity stones"

I am not convinced ape in question understands infinity stones are a thing from a movie and not real with that reply

 

[muteKi]

I saw a post titled "You cannot uncancel canelled shares?" and that the statement came from one of the lawyers during today's hearing.

HOWEVER that appears to be false!!! DISCLAIMER - I am not a lawyer. I can read, kind of.

 

[Becksworth]

what? As you told it's a climbing game. Do you really expect the wall you are climbing to have pronouns?

Note: the thread they were responding in was what was absurd, but this post was more entertaining than the OPs.

 

[RT-55J]

*using divination powers to guess the context*

uhh... Celeste???

that's the best i got