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Absurd Extracts: What Is the "Best" Post?

Sprite

(He/Him/His)
For quotes of, ahem, questionable quality. Though take care not to violate anyone's privacy, and don't use quotes from this forum.

It's customary to keep the quotes anonymous, though people have played fast and loose with that rule when the source is a public figure. In any case, the purpose is to titter amongst ourselves, not incite a Twitter mob to mock someone.
I am writing because I do consider the small book, ” The Count’s Number Parade”, as misleading and poisonous for children. Specifically, the book seems to portray Dracula (“The Count”) as being a nice, entertaining person – instead of a monster. It seems poisonous to make a monster (Dracula) to appear as a competent teacher (even a teacher of numbers) because such an appearance would seem to mislead children into trusting Dracula, and possibly monsters in general. Such a misplaced trust would preclude the child from developing a healthy fear, and distrust of monsters. Such fear and distrust would, hopefully, help the child to perceive evil and avoid it, instead of trustingly walking into a trap. Some of your other books about monsters may also be similarly misleading.

A counterargument could be raised with the question, “Do Dracula and other monsters really exist?”, a question which may be intended to undermine my argument at the very foundation of my argument. But yes, probably monsters (including Dracula) do exist but not in “personal” form. Instead, monsters exist as non-personified evil, on our culture.

Please tell me what you think.
 
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Becksworth

Aging Hipster Dragon Dad
It’s a slippery slope, I tell you. First we are normalizing vampirism, then what? Giant bird men? Trash monsters? Gasp... gay muppets?!
 

Becksworth

Aging Hipster Dragon Dad
Also, this should go without saying, but just in case for newer people:

No “best posts” from this forum please. Kind of defeats the whole keeping the original poster anonymous rule if the post can be found here.
 

Sprite

(He/Him/His)
I don't know that I understand the difference between this thread and that one.
I changed the title to hopefully better distinguish them. I also edited the OP a bit.

This thread is for quotes you love because you find them absurd. The Actual Best Post thread is for quotes you love because you find them insightful, well-written, etc.
 
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Mogri

Round and round I go
(he)
Staff member
It was a point of confusion for many at the old forums as well.
 

nosimpleway

(he/him)
No no, the book equips children with strategies for Dracula encounters. Throw a handful of poppy seeds on the ground and he'll stop to count them, it'll take him until sunrise, and problem solved.
 

Dracula

Posts: 52,928
(He/His)
A counterargument could be raised with the question, “Do Dracula and other monsters really exist?”, a question which may be intended to undermine my argument at the very foundation of my argument. But yes, probably monsters (including Dracula) do exist but not in “personal” form. Instead, monsters exist as non-personified evil, on our culture.
I do exist in personal form, and I am paralyzed by piles of poppy seeds placed on the ground in front of me. I encourage you to use this technique next time I pay you a visit.
 

Torzelbaum

????? LV 13 HP 292/ 292
(he, him, his)
I do exist in personal form, and I am paralyzed by piles of poppy seeds placed on the ground in front of me. I encourage you to use this technique next time I pay you a visit.
I don't know - that seems like a rude thing to do to a guest.
 

Lady

something something robble
I do exist in personal form, and I am paralyzed by piles of poppy seeds placed on the ground in front of me. I encourage you to use this technique next time I pay you a visit.
Why not just hand you a burger instead?
 

muteKi

say "fish don't exist" to my face, motherfucker
While it is true I was abusive to my ex girlfriend, I do not agree with the characterization being made about our experience in the hot tub the day after Christmas. I did not choke her.
Additionally, we must pass Medicaid for All so people can receive counseling and mental health support based on need for treatment and not ability to pay. I believe with some counseling, my ex and I would have had more self-respect and would have treated each other better.
 

muteKi

say "fish don't exist" to my face, motherfucker
This is an amateur, open source project, that exists due to the community contributing work. If there's something you want to add, roll up your sleeves and get to it, or otherwise ASK NICELY. Your expectations for the MiSTer are frankly delusional, and to add to that your relationships with people in your life (co-workers, family, friends) appear to be pathological.
 

q 3

Posts: 181,942
(they/them)
Elected Experience
This would be my first elected position as I am of age to hold office now.
Other Professional Experience
Fully Licensed Insurance Agent with Property, Casualty, Life and Disability Insurance Licenses. Have been involved in the industry for 21 years.
Education
I going to use the O.I.C. to acquire and manage 168 students as I need in order to major in Every Degree at UW
Community Service
I have volunteered with the National Multiple Sclerosis Society and the Hole in the Wall Camps and will look for as many philanthropic endeavors as I able to incorporate into my schedule as Insurance Commissioner.
Statement
I am an autistic savant who has extensive knowledge and the many of the abilities of the President Reagan and President Jefferson Presidencies that I will incorporate into running the O.I.C. externally like the Reagan Administration and Internally (within WA) as the Jefferson Administration.
I am the only candidate who has incorporated Specific Roles for Mr. Kriedler and Mr. Welti in the Office of Insurance Commissioner. I will be the External Insurance Commissioner for 60% of the time. Mr. Kriedler and Mr. Welti would each be External Insurance Commissioner for 20% of the time if I am elected Insurance Commissioner. I would fill the roles of Ronald, Nancy and Nixon, and Mr. Kriedler would be assigned the role of Carter and Mr. Welti would be Gerald Ford.
As for Internally, I have found 168 Honorable Insurance Agents all of whom are more qualified then myself to each serve in 1 hour increments as Internal Insurance Commissioners of Washington state. That is how the Jeffersonian movement to Counterbalance and stabilize the Affordable Care Act.
Additionally, I am fully willing and prepared to work with the either the Trump or Biden Administration.
 

FelixSH

(He/Him)
I really want to see that video. Which makes me feel bad. I should not want to watch garbage like that.
 

Positronic Brain

Out Of Warranty
(He/him)
Looking forward to "Border concentration camps debunked using Fortnite" by QFan_MAGa45 in two years time.
 
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Zef

Find Your Reason
(He/Him)
Chemtrails are real as scientifically demonstrated within Shin Megami Tensei IV.
 
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