Oh! Emperor Vandole is a DOG. - Let's Uncover the Secret of Mana!

♪♪ Wild Roses and Spirits ♪♪

Watts provides us with our last level 4 upgrades! Yep, this little trek got all of our weapons up to snuff with each other. The Battle AxeFrancisca does bonus damage to fish and plants, while the Lode JavelinTrident causes Balloon status. Thrilling!



Wait, you mean the fire seed didn't bring back your water!? INCONCEIVABLE!

Now if only we had a Sea Hare's tail...! Without one I'm afraid this realm is finished.
Amar: You've brought back the Fire seed! Thank you! But our water still just won't return. I guess this realm is toast...literally!

What a pack of optimists. Oh well, can't do anything for 'em now!



Ooh, dangerous new option! Come back next time as we infiltrate the one and only (until FF6 totally aped on it a year later) Empire! Shennanigans guaranteed or your no-dollar cover charge back!

The Imperials all say, "Surrender!" and the Rebels all reply, "Nuts!" While this is amusing enough in itself, it's also my favorite cultural reference of Woolsey's.

Nice Spoony One reference.

Wait...Santa?! What are you doing there? Get back to Narnia, where you belong.

For the record, Todo Village is actually Walrus Village (氷のトド村). And Boreal Face? Otyugh Face.

Woolsey didn't get a whole hell of a lot of time on this game, as you can probably guess by now.

It's also worth mentioning that the 'raccoon' cap earlier is actually a badger hat. (I know, it's hard to tell.)

I love the Sandship scenario. If it were made today though, it'd probably include a lengthy stealth sequence and be a complete pain in the ass.

I've been playing along and I am honestly kind of surprised by how poorly this game has aged, especially compared to its much-hated distant cousin, Secret of Evermore (which has actually gotten a bit better).

I also think it's really great that, while playing, you can see almost exactly where all the missing content (in the form of other maps and equipment) was pulled from. The game really only has a good pace up through Matango and then sticks the landing (last 3 dungeons) pretty well, but everything in between is a horrible mess.

I really wish you could wander around some of those two penultimate dungeons a bit more. Both have really good music.

You can use special attacks to get to Charon's ship in the desert, too, but it doesn't accomplish anything because Charon doesn't show up yet.

This is how I played Seiken 3, which makes it especially easy to fight on autopilot with three melee characters.

Boss's tall head reminds me of somebody...

Funny, I remember this game being a long slog back in the day, and when I pulled it off the shelf to push through to the end I felt like I was taking care of a chore that had been put off. Does anyone know how early/late they switched the target platform to a plain old SNES? As in movies, something's not really 'cut' unless it's complete or near completion and is removed at the last minute.

Generally video games don't have the same signs as movies do as to where things got cut. Usually it's the assets left in that give things away. In Secret of Mana's case, this is most clearly demonstrated with the armor for sale in towns.

Early on, armor upgrades follow a pretty steady and logical progression of power that's about what you'd expect: incremental and reasonable. Right around Ice Country and Kakkara, the values start jumping exponentially for no apparent reason. Even more telling, there's 3 entire levels of armor you can bypass completely as soon as you get full access to the world map, literally tripling your defense in the process.

My suspicion is that you weren't supposed to get free access to the world map so early. We'll discuss this in greater detail in two updates, when we get to Secret of Mana's non-linear portion.

I'm looking forward to it. But then, I have an interest in cut things in games in general, so, yeah.

I thought you had to talk to Joch to unlock each of those areas?

There's also plenty of evidence of cut content because of how some of the story dialog plays out (no way it can be JUST translation or cartridge space limitations), and certain characters were obviously intended to play more of a role than they do.

That's what the game WANTS you to think. Much like Ocarina of Time, this is fake linearity; you can actually visit any location you want and complete quests entirely out of order once you've gotten far enough. Joch just gives you a... suggested order. Again, we'll be discussing this in detail in two updates.

You don't have to do that until you're finished with everything else, in fact.

You and me both. I wonder if this is going to turn into a crazy hypothesis thread when we hit that point. (I certainly have my theories about where they had bigger plans.)

Like the Northtown UFO/carousel thingy?

The what??

You'll find out in 2 updates...

Consider me intrigued! I'm realizing there's a ton about this game I never found out about.

This is very much true. All the palaces, like the LP demonstrates, all feel like re-hashes of each other, and essentially are, even down to recycling boss fights. After you get to where the sunken continent rises is about where the game starts feeling really interesting again. I'd say all the Sage Joch palaces/"missions" were meant to all be much bigger, especially the Dark Stalker in Tasnica. It feels like that piece of storyline missed the mark somehow.

I wonder if the slowly spinning globe and very slowly rendering world map you get with Flammie was something kept from the CD version since the SNES CD was supposed to have a much faster CPU.

How about the music? Mana had a more diversely-styled soundtrack than SD3, which, while larger, sounded a bit more like an ordinary game/anime soundtrack. Maybe Kikuta's imagination ran wilder composing for Mana than for SD3 since for the former he spent longer working with CD audio? (Of course, he'd have faced the nightmare of making CD-oriented tracks still sound decent as chiptunes.)

Does anybody here know Nasir Gebelli? Can we ask him? Or has he at least said much in a past interview?

Part VIII - Final Fantasy VI-0: The Before Years

To recap: the Tomato Crew made their way through both the Ice Country and the desert of Kakkara to reclaim and seal the Fire Seed. On the way they met Santa, jumped the shark, and also got temporarily enslaved on a Republic sand cruiser. Now the time has come to infiltrate the infamous Empire!



♪♪ What the Forest Taught Me ♪♪

After we level up spells, of course. Hey, gotta have priorities! Also, how many games can you think of where you can easily get a max damage number to pop up by the time you're only 1/3rd of the way to max level?



Our leveling to rank 4 has an interesting effect on spells: the animations all get more elaborate! Unfortunately, the boost is still the same linear progression as previous spell levels.



♪♪ Wild Roses and Spirits ♪♪

I'm really getting sick of these cannon flights... Let's hope a more reasonable form of transport pops up soon, for the sake of our heroes' future arthritis problems!



Alright, time to fly! Again!



Hey, can we get a parachute, maybe?



No? That's fine, I guess permanent disfigurement isn't THAT bad.



♪♪ A Curious Tale ♪♪

So it is! And you know what else it is? That's right, Talking Time(tm)!

Lady Ladysworth: Southtown's not as big as the Empire's capitol, Northtown. {The Emperor is just so creative with his naming schemes.}
Sir Sirsington: A woman named Mara lives here. She's a real nut case!
Lieutenant Luten: No loitering!
Dave Graybeard: These days the Emperor has such bizarre ideas and whims... Seeking peace, he prepares for war. He even has a force of monsters in the castle!
Bratty Bratterberry: Mara always carries around a little box...

Not a lot of people live in this town, I guess. Oh well, less typing for me!



As usual, there's new equipment on sale. But for the first time, I actually recommend you DON'T buy it. Why? Because there is exactly ONE dungeon between here and the next armor upgrade. And it's not even that big a dungeon, either.



Oh hey, I didn't see her before.



How rude!



Oh great, Mara's a snoop...

Mara: No need to panic! Jema told me you were coming. You see, I'm really a Tasnican spy! {Fortunately, she's a snoop for the good guys.} So was my husband until he later got...caught. I'm continuing his life's work. Anyway, the Empire has sealed off travel to Northtown with his troops I'm afraid.
Boss: Drat...is there any other way to get into Northtown? {Better question: is there any reason to? I have no idea why we went to the Empire to begin with! There's no Mana Seed there!}
Mara: The only other way is the Resistance's secret sewer passage, east of here.
Tomato: Ewwww... I hope they have showers on the other side.
Mara: Give the guard this secret number: "634".

Well, it had to happen sooner or later. Every game has a sewer level, and it's always the worst part of the game...

Ah, another person I didn't notice before!



And he ran away too! You know, guys, it's a lot less obvious that you're resistance members when you're not being incredibly suspicious all the time.



No problem.



Man, what were those numbers from Lost? Ah fuck it, just say 634.



Well, that was easy.



Haha Percy's still a dick.



♪♪ In the Thick of It ♪♪

Well, if THIS is the worst the sewer has to offer, we'll be fine.



Oh. Yeah, we've got a new enemy type. And by "new" I mean "palette-swapped". These fish spit torpedoes at you and are generally not too threatening as long as you don't, you know, walk right into their line of fire. Otherwise, they're just a stronger Gallfish.



As predicted, this is the most boring dungeon yet. There's literally nothing worth talking about down here, as it's just one really long twisting path. I'd swear they just took the layout from the Jade Passage in FF2 and copy/pasted it, then re-tiled it for Secret of Mana.



♪♪ Lord of the Shore ♪♪

Gotta love how all possible misunderstandings about identity get resolved within 15 words of a conversation in this game.

Woman: Oh, Jema told us about you! Welcome to the Resistance! My name is Krissie.
Krissie: I'm the one in charge of this outfit. I've been hoping to meet you, Sir Boss! {You can just call him Sir Cucumber, actually.}
Boss: Oh? Er...I-It's a real pleasure to meet you, sir...uh, ma'am...Kissy-I mean Krissie!
*Tomato's in a huff!*
Tomato: Isn't it impolite to go and drool all over someone's floor, "Sir" Boss? {Hahaha owned.}
Percy: Oooooooooh, she's mad now! Making Tomato jealous is dangerous, Boss! {Glad to see you're keeping up with your namesake's tendency for obvious advice, Percy.}
Tomato: Oh, knock it off! I'm Dyluck's girl, and don't you forget it!
Krissie: Ha ha...wait! You know someone named Dyluck?
Tomato: Of course...why?
Krissie: A "Dyluck" has been draining people's energy at the ruins to the north-east recently.
Tomato: Just like in Pandora! But why would Dyluck...? {Have you ever considered that maybe your boyfriend's an asshole? Just sayin'.}
Krissie: The Empire could have brainwashed him. We need someone to get in there...
Tomato: We'll do it! We've dealt with this type of thing before.
Krissie: Okay, but be careful!

Well that's just great. Thanks a lot, Tomato. Guess we'll just put our quest to save the whole world on hold so we can go slap some sense into your boyfriend. Why do we let you call the shots around here again?

...Ah, right. Killer left hook. To the ruins, then!



After more Talking Time(tm), of course! Can't get enough Talking Time(tm)!

Man: Krissie's dad founded the Resistance... When he was caught and then executed by the Empire, she kept our group together. She's only 18, but she's brilliant!
Krissie: Good luck infiltrating the north-east ruins! I'm counting on you, Boss!
Elder Expositionsworth: All the trouble started about 15 years ago, around the same time the Emperor first met Thanatos. Thanatos introduced himself as a traveling magician and offered the Emperor his service and skill. {This plot would later be recycled with Deathjester and the Beast King in Seiken Densetsu 3.} With his advice and magic, the Empire attacked Tasnica and easily crushed the Republic's troops... Nearly invincible, they went on to attack other countries in a bid for world wide domination. But Thanatos and his sorcery failed once near Pandora. The disaster cost them the war. I don't know what happened, but they've both been obsessed with Mana and the Fortress ever since.

Looks like we've had some backstory fill-in! Basically, the Empire got hoodwinked by Thanatos to start a war, and it all culminated in the Pandora area (as we heard some time ago, someone with the Mana Sword very nearly killed the Emperor at that time, then buggered off to Potos to die or something and leave his sword in the waterfall).



I bet. And no, you cannot ever get to that door down there. People have tested it with no-clipping codes, and it's not even a proper door; it's just a decal. That's one long-time mystery down!



Anyway, Talking Time(tm) continues!

Sheex, Geshtar, Fahna, and Thanatos. They're capable of anything! {Fahna? Sounds a lot like Phanna. Could it be the same person? WAS it the same person at one time? The world may never know...}
Miss Resistalot: The Emperor has ordered his troops to locate us.
Old Man Revolucione: People sure are busy in the ruins over there.
Li'l Miss Fourthwall: It's fun playing Star Wars! I want a light saber to help smash the Empire!

Ugh. I guess FuSoYa didn't just expand on the text, then. Will we have any more in-jokes?



You bet your buns we will! Very cute, FuSoYa. For those who don't get the joke, this is a reference to the days of yore when newsgroups were still popular. There was a running joke related to Relm from FF6 being a "fooey slut" in alt.games.final-fantasy, due to an extraordinarily NSFW image posted in AGFF's hentai sub-group of Relm and Interceptor. Jeez, does that mean he's THAT FuSoYa? I feel old now...



Anyway, let's finish Talking Time(tm) already.

Snot-nosed Gudo: I've heard Krissie crying late at night...

That was pointless. But at least Talking Time(tm) is over.

♪♪ A Curious Tale ♪♪

OR IS IT? Nope, we've got a whole town of unnamed people to talk to! I'ma run outta silly monickers to give them at this rate...

Miss Empire '07: The Empire consists of this town, Southtown and the Gold Isle. {Again, props to the Emperor for his naming schemes. So creative.}
Crambo Greetingsburger: This is Northtown, capitol of the Empire.
Whiny Cowardsworth: Heeelp! Mama! MAMA!! {Finally, an NPC that reacts appropriately to the sight of three people in ridiculous clothing running around with an arsenal of weapons strapped to their back!}
Old Man Plotpointe: Have you seen my wife around anywhere? She's been acting strangely all of a sudden.
Old Lady Plotpointe: ......
Sergeant Sarge: We'll find the resistance base soon! They can't hide forever! {Amusingly, he's walking around right outside the cafe thinly disguising the resistance base.}
Shantae Purim: Phanna gave me some candy. I can get MORE if I go see her at the ruins! {BAD TOUCH!}

In a House
Mrs. Clowncar: We have a big family here!
Seth Clowncar: Is dinner ready yet, Mom?
Mr. Clowncar: Why's the Emperor taking on the world...? I fear for my family! {You really shouldn't. As we'll see next time, "the world" isn't a very big place.}
Ditzy Clowncar: Oh dear, I must dress for the castle party soon or I'll be late!
Autumn Clowncar: There AREN'T any parties at the castle! My sister's going nuts!

In Another House
Randi Earthington: I'm a seismologist. There aren't too many of us these days, but it's still an important job. The Emperor himself came to me for advice regarding activity around the southern coral reef. I believe something massive is hidden under the coral there! What could it be? {Candy!}

In Yet Another House
Dr. Popoie Malpractice: I'm the local doctor around here. If the Empire keeps this up, I'll never go out of business...

In the Inn's Basement
Fawn Unimportante: Make yourselves at home, young travelers!
Watts: This town smells like war... Found any new weapon orbs?

Are we done? Any other NPCs hiding in odd corners I should know about? No? Good.



Yep, there is in fact new equipment for sale. This actually is worth getting, so... get some.



Well, I WOULD like to deliver a haymaker to Thanatos for getting us on the Empire's Do Not Fly list...



♪♪ Steel and Snares ♪♪

Sadly, that's not enough of an excuse to get into the castle. Though the door guards are all too happy to let us do a bit of target practice on their balls! I am of course referring to the large ball-and-chain flails they wield. These are Dark Knights, and they're pretty much pushovers. It's good to see that the Empire employs such skilled and valuable defenders to protect the castle. To be honest, I think the 2-foot-high fence blocking the entrance is doing more to keep people (read: us) out.



♪♪ The Ritual ♪♪

Taking the east path instead takes us to this ominous Angkor Wat-like structure! I wonder how we'll get up to that chest...



At the stairs up to the temple, we run into Tomato's old buddy Phanna! Who's not happy to see us, oddly enough.

Phanna: Dyluck and I are happy here! We just love being together! {Oh, Phanna. Bad move. Do NOT hit Tomato's berserk button!}
Tomato: You liar!
Phanna: Don't you wish!?
*Purim bitchslaps Phanna*

Yeah, you knew that was coming.



♪♪ Spirit of Night ♪♪

A rare sight of Purim's pouty face!

*Boss and Percy walk up to Tomato's sides*
Boss: Let's get her to Krissie's for help.
Percy: Come on, Tomato!
Krissie: Boss! What's up? {Okay, I'm more than entitled to this one... How contrivedly convenient!}
*Krissie walks up, having no good reason to be here in the first place*
Boss: Krissie, we've found a friend of ours named Phanna. She seems to be...well...
Krissie: Brainwashed, right? That sounds like something Thanatos would do. But no sweat, in most of these cases it isn't permanent. I'll take her to our doctor.
*Tomato walks towards Krissie*
Tomato: Maybe I should go stay with her, at least until she recovers.
Krissie: Don't worry, I'll take care of her! Go help Dyluck!
Tomato: ...all right. We'll come back as soon as we can!

I wonder how close the deadline was when that scene was written. Probably they'd already missed 3 of 'em by then, given how rushed and plot-cul-de-sac'd it was.



♪♪ The Ritual ♪♪

The inside of the ruins, unsurprisingly, are a palette-swap of the Pandora ruins! I guess Thanatos knows how to pick a base of operations. Convenient that the only two ruins in the entire world are nearly identical in design! Also, we have another "new" enemy. Ghouls always start off flickering like they're casting, but they're usually not actually casting anything. When they do, it's usually Speed Down. They're about as threatening as a gentle breeze, and identical otherwise to Zombies.



Another "new" enemy? This is a Weepy EyeBeholder. It behaves exactly like an Eye Spy, except that it spawns those floating metal eye things from the Ice Palace instead of Chobin Hoods. Boooo-ring!



We also have these little pests. ImpsLi'l Devils toss pitchforks, cast low-level attack spells, and are generally pests that deserve to be knocked for a loop.



I guess that answers THAT question. You know, the one about the chests up on the roof area? Know what? Nevermind.



Oh hey, more "new" enemies. GraveDark Bats are effectively just Blats in red. 'Cept they don't cast Balloon, meaning they're even less intimidating.



And there's the other roof chest. Okay, now we can go down underground!



After we look at some completely pointless side rooms on the first floor. Seriously, this game is so damned incomplete!

Another hallway, another "new" monster. Ghosts are just Specters with more HP. NEXT!



I love it when I walk into a room and this happens.



...Yeah, I'm just gonna not fight anything in this room. Any objections?



Another "new" enemy! Yep, you guessed it, another Chobin Hood palette swap! What is that, 3 of 'em now? Maybe they're just Porobin Hoods again. I'm not entirely sure any more. Whatever the case, they're boring with a capital B.



Didn't I see this a few years later in Chrono Trigger?



MORE "new" enemies? This place is just loaded... Actually, I think that's just more recycled enemies, as I'm pretty sure that's a Gas Cloud and Dark Smog. This place is just so full of ideas for enemies, isn't it?



A new trap type! One of the last ones, too. Mimic Boxes hit hard enough, but they're not really difficult to kill either.



I haven't mentioned it before (because I didn't know until recently), but if you cast Detect on a chest, it starts flickering red and any trap that was in it will be disarmed. Meaning you can get the goods instead of being blown up, poisoned, punched, or otherwise assaulted. Cool!



That was probably the spikes from before lowering.



It was! And it revealed yet another path besides that too!



Hooray for more power!



Oh gee a spike maze I wonder if there's a switch to lower them further along I just cannot say.



Sutble as a half-brick to the skull...



♪♪ Crisis ♪♪

In the next room is bloody murder! Actually, it's another wall face, this one ominously named Doom'sSatan's Wall.



It does not live up to its namesake.

At all. Seriously, spell-lock it and it's a goner.



We're just getting all KINDS of upgrades down here!



♪♪ The Ritual ♪♪

The locals are talkative as ever. Clearly this is Thanatos' doing.



Alas, we cannot proceed! Oh hey, there's Dyluck.



♪♪ Spirit of Night ♪♪

Yeah, I just said that.

Dyluck: ...Tomato! At last, you've come!
Tomato: Oh Dyluck, I'm so glad you're safe! I knew you weren't behind this!

Uh, he's standing on the commander's dais, Tomato. Odds are over-even that he IS behind this.



♪♪ Crisis ♪♪

You see? You SEE what happens when you trust people blindly? Think, Tomato, Think!

Dyluck: Pesky girl...
*Tomato's spirit is whisked away!*
Percy: Bring her back, NOW!!
Dyluck: Sorry, but Thanatos needs her help...
Boss: You can't be serious! She LOVES you! Why, you...take this!
*Boss chokes a bitch, axe-style!*
Dyluck: Ouch! {Yeah, no shit!} Uh...Tomato... Tomato! Ahhh! ...Thanks, I needed that! I can't seem to move, so please help Tomato for me! Go through the door back there. Hurry, before...!

Aww man, I was hoping to take on Thanatos with Dyluck in the party! Thanks for chopping his legs off, Boss.



Right away, Thanatos blows Boss and Percy backwards as they step into the room! Know what, Thanatos? You're off my birthday invite list now, too!

Thanatos: Fwa, ha, ha, ha, ha! {No no no, that's not how you do an evil laugh! You're not even listening to me, are you?} Stick around for awhile! Her life force is strong! She'll be perfect for... Hey! What the...?
*The screen glows!*
Thanatos: IDIOT! Stop that at once!
*Tomato gets up!*
Tomato: Where am I...
Boss: You can move?
Percy: We can too!
Thanatos: Grr... Dyluck! How dare you defy me by helping them! Who does he think he's toying with? Bah, I grow weary of this! Vampire, take them all out!

Oh no, he's gonna summon Edward Cullen! RUN!



Actually, the Vampire he summoned is a much more traditional one. Complete with bat-face!



He didn't want to stay still for his close-up. Also, he's pretty tough to damage overall.



Left to his own devices, he'll be a real jerk-ass and sling out endless spells at you to chill you to the bone and suck your life dry.



I suggest you not leave him to his own devices.



Yeah, that's right, bitch. You suck, I rule!

Bonus!



♪♪ Calm Before the Storm ♪♪

Nowhere you'd want to be, I'd wager.

Dyluck! DYLUCK!!
*Purim's pouty again!*
Boss: Tomato...I...
Percy: ...Let's just go...
Tomato: No, I'll be okay... I'll find him... I'm sure of it!

Even after all that, you still won't give up on him. He freaking KILLED you, and you still want him. You're a lost cause, Tomato.



Anyway, let's get out of here the easy way. Amusingly, this will put you at the last entrance you came in from. In our case, that's one of the two balconies. So I still had to trek through a few rooms to finally get back to town.

Oh, and if you're wondering? The old woman from before is still in "......" mode and her husband's still worried about her. Chalk that up to rushed development or the old lady giving everyone the silent treatment, your choice!



♪♪ A Curious Tale ♪♪

What isn't wrong, really?

Boss: We found Dyluck. But...Thanatos...
Tomato: ...
Percy: Thanatos left and took Dyluck with him. He's being controlled or something.
Krissie: ...I see...Dyluck is... Well, don't give up yet! We know Tanatos is up to no good... We'll have to keep a close watch on him. But anyway, we've just received an invitation from the Emperor to meet him at the castle! {And if you have any sense, you'll be ignoring it.} He wants to negotiate a truce! Can you believe that? {No, and you're an idiot if you do.}
Girl: Maybe we should give the Emperor a chance to speak. Surely we've made the Emperor change his mind! {What is wrong with you people?}
Man: This could be what we've been waiting for! We have to take the chance. {You cannot seriously be this stupid.}
Krissie: ...Okay, we'll go. {You're dead to me now, Krissie.} Boss, come with us! {Into the obvious trap? Yeah, I'll get right on that!} After this meeting your journey may very well be over! {Stupid. How can anyone be this stupid?}
Boss: You may be right. Okay, we'll come! {What the hell, Boss!}
Percy: Whoo hoo!! {Percy, what did you do to Boss?}
Man: We'll go on ahead!

Good luck storming the castle, boys! It'll take a miracle. We'll be back here in town, hanging out with Phanna and awaiting the inevitable announcement of your grisly executions for treason against the Empire!



Sounds delightful.

Don't worry, though. I think she'll be okay given a little time.

Sadly, Phanna has nothing to say to us right now either. Oh well, may as well upgrade our weapons while we wait.



FIVE upgrades! That's a lotta upgrade! Here's what we've got: King Arthur's famous Excalibur (which does extra damage to evil/undead enemies, naturally), a Halberd (which causes confusion), a Flail of HopeSilver Flail (also good against evil and undead), a Bow of HopeSilver Bow (guess what, evil/undead killer!), and a Red CleaverTitanium Boomerang (bonus damage to insects). I get the impression that we may be fighting evil/undead enemies soon...

So, just gotta wait now...

Yep.

Dum de dum...

...

Man, this is boring...

...

OKAY, FINE! We'll go fall for the obvious trap at the castle! Jeez...



♪♪ Steel and Snares ♪♪

I would just like to go on record saying that this is the stupidest "but thou must" scenario I've seen in a long time. Even back in 1993, we all knew that "Empire = evil" and that no negotiations with said Empire would ever work. Especially not when there's absolutely no reason whatsoever for the Emperor to even begin to think about changing his tune. Come on, Square!



I'm thinking that the entire Southtown/Northtown arc was going to be a lot longer and more elaborate originally. But then the deadline hit, or the SNES CD got canned, or something happened and they had to cobble together this blatantly obvious trap that a five-year-old could spot.



This is the point where you should be running as fast as you can the other direction, Boss.

Tomato: Would you get your mind off of Krissie for now?

Gotta appreciate FuSoYa's weak attempt to make Krissie into a love interest, I guess...



Yeah yeah, you would be honored if we would join you, blah blah blah. Can we just get to the visible-from-space-it's-so-obvious double-cross already, Vandole?

We crush the resistance AND the new Mana Knight, at a stroke! {Thank you.}
*The soldiers walk down to the party*
Soldier: Stay where you are!
Boss: Blast, it's a trap! {NO, REALLY!?}
Emperor: Uwa, ha, ha!

I see Vandole has been taking evil laughter lessons from Thanatos. So yeah, that was insulting. But you know what's next? That's right! The quote in this LP's tagline! Oh boy!



Uh, that's... not the way that was worded in Woolsey's version. Though probably a bit closer to the mark.

............ Oh father, how could I have allowed this to happen? I'm a total disgrace... {That you are! Idiot.}
Man: Let us out of here! You can't hold us like this! We have rights! I demand to see a lawyer! {There are lawyers in this world?}
Girl: I should have known better. You just can't trust the Empire. {A-DUH!} Krissie is taking it really hard though. I feel sorry for her... {I don't!}

Well, how will we get out of THIS one, I wonder?

By asking to be let out! OF COURSE!



Dude, no, that's not how it works. Now you wrestle the guards into submission and save the day.

Soldier: Ha ha! Relax, hot shot! Everyone will get a turn!

At what, the merry-go-round?



Ahh, you dicks!



♪♪ Crisis ♪♪

Now FIGHT! Show me the glory of pain and death! Wait, we were in prison with all of our weapons? You guys SUCK!



Oh right, the "boss". Metal Mantis is a copy of Mantis Ant. It's a total joke as a result. Any questions?



Didn't think so.



♪♪ Steel and Snares ♪♪

Rather kindly, the Empire provides escape teleporters for anyone who can defeat their easily-slain metal-coated mutant ant-thing!



Behold, the only instance in this game where they provide you with two springballs instead of a set of whip targets to get across platforms! I don't know why they did it either, so don't ask me.



Hooray, chump change!



And a genuine new enemy! EmbermenTarmen can make more of themselves, set your party members on fire when they touch you, and are generally just a less dodgy variant of the Bavaroise enemies. Well, it's the thought that counts, I guess.



Back up at the prison! Let us bask briefly in the Zen-like nature of the switch at the bottom of the screen which is completely enclosed by walls and can never ever be activated. What does it DO!?



Who cares? Talking Time(tm)!

Krissie: Oh thank you, Boss! I'll never forget what you've done for us today! {You mean saved your butts from a very obvious trap? No prob.} The other soldiers have left for reinforcements. Let's split up and get out of here!

Reinforcements? For WHAT? Did they see us slay the Metal Mantis, realize we're not squishy 1HP wonders, and decide to try for safety in numbers? Yeah, let's go with that.



Looks like we're not getting out through the front door! Damn you, 2-foot-high barriers! Is there anything you won't keep us from doing!?



In another side room, we find yet ANOTHER orb! This Empire's just loaded, huh?



And ANOTHER one! Jeez!

Incidentally, Dark Knights start out grayed out, like they're statues or something. I don't get it either.



Wow, another genuinely new enemy! This is a Dark Ninja, as I'm sure you've figured out. Other than being high on evade and low on health, they're not really a big threat.



Certainly the enemies here give pretty good experience, though!



Why even have a switch to reveal a door that's literally 2 feet away?



Fightin' our way through the barracks...



Oh hey, half-arsed puzzle! And what the hell is being cast there?



Ouch! Whatever it is, it really hurts! Something called "Burst"? Well, we can't cast it, so who cares?



Anyway, the puzzle here is that you cannot walk to the next area directly. You have to go right first and through a teleporter to the left side.



Then you have to whack a switch, and you can progress. Weak!



Did you think I was Imitation Boss? Please!

Boss: Give up, Vandole! The other Resistance members have already escaped! {Yes, I'm sure he's terrified that you have no reinforcements.}
Geshtar: Sire! One more chance, please! I beg you!
Emperor: ......... Why not? Finish them up and come to the other palaces.
Geshtar: And now I reclaim my honor...prepare yourselves!

Ever get the feeling that you've walked into a plot cul-de-sac? I just got that feeling right now.



♪♪ Crisis ♪♪

So yeah, it's Geshtar. Again. And he's still an idiot. Nothing about this fight is different from the last one, except I suppose the damage numbers and locale.



Do I really even need to say more?



I don't think I do! Also, if you've been keeping track, over the course of this update we've gotten a new orb for each and every weapon. Damn, they really fast-tracked the weapon upgrades, didn't they! The easiest way to keep track of if you've gotten all orbs up to this point is to remember that all weapons should be level 4 before going to the Empire and level 5 after you're done with it.



Blah blah blah, honor, yadda yadda yadda. You are a walking cliche, Geshtar.

I have my Mecha set for self destruct. I will take you all down to the Hades with me! {The Hades? Pretty sure Hades is the Greek god of the underworld, not a location!}
Boss: We're finished! We'll never be able to get out of here in time! What's that sound...?
*A drumbeat, and loud blast of air!*
Boice: Helloow!
Boss: That...that's Truffle!

Now that IS contrived!