Oh! Emperor Vandole is a DOG. - Let's Uncover the Secret of Mana!

Almost definitely. There's faces and Moai and the like in FF4, FF5, and SoM. Both FF4A and FF5A tried to make those Moai relevant to their bonus content.

It doesn't occur to a lot of people, mostly because they never really notice that their party members are walking around with their weapons drawn during the whole 5 minutes you're actually required to spend in the Wind Palace.

Yes Midas would be more appropriate but there is some sense to calling him Mammon.


It's a myth. (I think it's also a myth in other cultures but I can't be bothered to google search for any more links.)

Also, there were some groan-worthy "jokes" in this update.

Sky, does it bother/annoy you when the weapon 'upgrades' cause the new weapon to have lower attack power? It bothers me. It just doesn't seem right.

For me, the most striking thing about Secret's map is just how insanely huge it is for how zoomed-out its perspective is (and how very, very empty it is). It's literally twice the size of SD3's map. I used to chalk this up to how it accounted the smallest details of the actual field map, down to the location of individual houses within a town; looking at it now, though, I can see even that aspect is wildly uneven beyond the initial area of the game. No excuse, then!


I think Secret has the only real world map Moai (and two of them, at that). The face in FFIV is the Face on Mars, and FFV has what looks like a gorilla skull.

It always annoyed me to land on the green area of the ice continent and end up in the snow.

Ps. I hope there will be a mini-post for oddities that arise when you summon Flammie and see past the top edge of the screen. Although considering how pointless and exhaustive it would be to search for them, I won't complain if it doesn't happen.

I never noticed that being the case. The difference in attack power you see when switching weapons between characters tends to have more to do with the fact that the girl and sprite are a lot weaker physical attackers than the boy. If you're referring to the awesome status-causing traits of weapons getting nixed, then yes, that does tick me off.

SoM's world map is technically the same size as any other SNES-era Squaresoft world map (4096x4096 pixels). What sets it apart from the rest is that it uses 8x8 tiles, meaning it's 4 times bigger in practicality (512x512 tiles instead of 256x256 tiles). And it's likely that, on the SNES CD, it would have used full-size 16x16 tiles and have had even more detailed map elements. This game was supposed to be HUGE, remember.

I was going to one-up that, actually, and demonstrate some of the mapping oddities of the game via a walk-through-walls code.

Hmm, I hadn't made that connection. Interesting.

When you combine this with Sergio offering you a sea voyage you never get, the armors improving too fast after you get Flammie, plus SD3 having not only Booskaboo but also a lot of sailing ships and even a haunted ship as a dungeon, I think it's fair to say that Square felt sore about not being able to put any sea travel in SoM, so they went the distance with SD3.

I wonder how much of SD3 is ideas meant for SoM and how much of it is new ideas.

Yes, I was referring to the attack power. I just assumed it was (another) poor design choice in the game.

Actually, if you crunch the numbers, you'll see that weapon upgrades never weaken a weapon. They are sometimes horribly disappointing for other reasons, though (like aforementioned loss of status-causing effects on attack). The ultimate weapons especially tend to be a real kick in the pants, since it generally takes at least a solid hour of dedicated hunting to get that last orb in the last dungeon, only to discover that the boost in power is a measly 2 points AND that there's no inherent bonuses or special effects for the ultimate weapons at all.

That is indeed ridiculous and I never noticed. I wish that they had +holy or +vs. undead for reasons I'm sure we'll all discover later. That would at least make them worth getting.

Part X - Slaying Shadows and Seeking Sages

Well, that was a properly crazy week! What was I LPing again? I know it ended with a 2...



♪♪ Fragment of Sorrow ♪♪

Hm, not that one...



♪♪ Battle (Extended) ♪♪

Nope, not that one...



♪♪ Battle Theme ♪♪

Yeah, definitely not that one...



♪♪ Character Battle (Extended) ♪♪

Hahahahahahahahahahaha! No.



♪♪ Main Theme ♪♪

I... don't think I even know what game that's from, actually...



♪♪ Lord of the Shore ♪♪

Ah, there's the ticket! So last time, we got three new spirits, super-strong armor, and generally did things completely out of order just to spite the developers. And this time, we're going to start with a visit to the city of Tasnica! Why? Because that's where Jehk would tell us Joch has gone if we went to see him right now! Don't you just love plot railroading?



Inside, a familiar ally awaits!

Jema: I've received reports of an Imperial spy in the castle. He's probably after the king!
Boss: Hmm... sounds like we should look around for awhile and try to spot him.
Jema: Why, yes...! I was just about to suggest that myself. You certainly have changed! Keep on your toes, everyone! An Imperial spy won't hesitate to kill you if he's discovered!

And we open on intrigue! Excellent.



Unfortunately, we also open on more talking talking Talking Time(tm). Lots of it.

Private Nottaspie: My friend over there is a bit paranoid over this spy business. There's nothing to worry about!

In an Open-Air Corridor
Lieutenant Sonatta-Spie: Between you and me, I think this spy thing is just a ploy by the Empire to try and confuse us. They leak a rumor about a spy in Tasnica, and laugh as we kill each other in suspicion and hate.

Before the Throne Room
Sergeant S. Pionage: The Empire must be planning on all-out war by sending a spy into our troops. This is terrible...
Sergeant Undah Cuvah: The spy rumor is forcing us to live in fear of our very lives right in our own castle!

In a Hallway
Private Inh Phil'trait: The Emperor will stop at nothing, including putting a spy among us. Blast that greedy evil tyrant!

In a Side Room
Private Clohcandaggah: Am I glad that Jema was here to warn us of the spy! Without him, Tasnica would be in big trouble!

In the Throne Room
Lieutenant Bach Stabb: By Jema's orders, I'm guarding the King against any assasssination attempt by Imperial spies.

Oh, who could the real spy BE!?



I knew it! It's Boss, Tomato, and Percy! Wait, what?

Boss: Wait a minute... we're not spies! Jema can vouch for-
Guard: Silence, you spy!
King: Have them taken away to the dungeon at once, and tell no one of this! Not even Jema!
Jema: ...!? Sire, we don't HAVE a dungeon! Don't you remember? {Jema is not in this scene, and if he were, the king's statement would be even more hilarious.}
King: HOW DARE YOU QUESTION ME!!
Guard: The King would never shout at Jema like that! You can't be the King! But that means...!!! {What a TWIST!}
*The king faces away, towards his throne*
King: .........
King(?): Bah! Using the King's body, I could have ruined this pathetic realm of fools... But...I've failed. Take THIS!
*The soldiers disappear, presumably having died*
Boss: What have you done?
King(?): I just sent them out of the castle for a little while. {Suuuure.... Worst assassin EVER.} You annoying brats... I think I'll take control of your bodies and have YOU kill the King for me!
Boss: Think again!

Bring it, shadow-boy!



♪♪ Crisis ♪♪

Hahaha, you're no match for me! This particular enemy can drop Ninja Gloves rarely (VERY rarely), so if you don't mind re-reading all that dialogue that pre-empts this fight, you can get some pretty damn strong armor for one of your party members from this guy. I didn't bother, because I have better things to do with my time.



For some reason, you have to talk to the king once the Dark Stalker's down to get the plot going again. Don't ask me.

King: ...oooh...where am I? What happened in here!?



♪♪ Calm Before the Storm ♪♪

Okay, now we can get this plot train a-rollin' again!

King: I can hardly believe such a thing could happen. The Empire's power is dark indeed. I was admittedly worried when I heard some kid had the sword, but I'm not anymore. Well done, brave knight! Allow me to give you this!
*Got Sword's Orb!*

Sweet! Clearing the events at Tasnica is another weapon power level checkpoint. Assuming you've gotten all of the orbs up to now, you should have every single weapon at upgrade level 6 at this point. There's only two upgrades per weapon left officially! (Actually, there's only one official upgrade left for the glove and axe, since the "real" final orbs for those were cut or something. Meaning you have to win two relevant orbs from enemies in the last dungeon to uberize those weapons.)



Oh why not? I could use a nap.

You still have to visit Sage Joch and pass his tests to learn what the nature of true courage is. If the Empire is being this aggressive, it means they believe the fortress is almost theirs. I'm off to try and fight the Empire wherever I can to slow their progress down some. Go to the Lofty Mountains and see Sage Joch, before time runs out for us all!
Boss: Right, I'll do that. Take care, Sir Jema.
Jema: You too, Sir Boss.

I could have gone to see Joch, passed his trial, gotten back here, and you still wouldn't be done talking SHUT UP! Also, why the hell do we have to see Joch? I thought we were trying to seal all the Mana Seeds, not prove our courage or some cliche'd crap like that.



Oh no, not Talking Time(tm) AGAIN!

Private Generic: Jema used to be the commander of the King's troops, one of the finest warriors of this age. His best friend was the legendary hero Serin, who was also the commander of Pandora's army. When Serin went missing about 15 years ago, Jema stepped down and never fought again...
Private Bland: I've heard that Admiral Meria's really making a name for himself these days. Word has it that he's sunk two Imperial battleships last week alone with his new ship!
Private Dull: We used to have a strong navy, but now only our newly renovated sandship is in service.

Before the Throne Room
Sergeant Uninteresting: The Emperor is after our King! We'll have to pull double-shifts to make sure he remains safe!
Sergeant Boring: We're standing on the brink of war. There are dark days ahead for us all.

In a Hallway
Private Snoozeworthy: Now why would the Emperor send a spy here, unless perhaps there's something he wants to know...?

In a Side Room
Private Shutupalready: Jema's still this realm's finest warrior, even after all the long years that he's spent away. His only equal was the legendary warrior, Serin. The two of them together were unstoppable!

In Another Side Room
Old Lady Dullsville: Hey, haven't I seen you somewhere?
Miss Unremarkable 2011: Hey, big boy! Heard you saved the King...! If you ever want a good time, just give me a call!
Boss: Ahh...er...
Tomato: ... {Not clever, FuSoYa.}

Foyer
Private Talkstoomuch: I can't stand spies! We'll double security! No, we'll triple it! Or quadruple it! Qunituple it, even!
Lady Fallingasleep: Our castle is like a big town. It's safer than living in a village.
Private Wontshutup: The hero Serin taught us how to live in the castle. We all moved in here 15 years ago.
Old Man Uninspired: A sunken continent rests under the coral. The Empire seems to be trying to raise it. And only the world's Mana seeds, which seal the continent, stand in their way.
Girl: A tiny little sprite!
Percy: YOU'RE the tiny one.

Open Air Hallway
Private Shutupshutupshutup: We'll smash the Empire for daring to send a spy into our midst!

Residential Area
Mr. Easilyimpressed: Hey look everybody, it's the new Mana Knight! Hey, over here! He's right over here!
Ms. Arewedoneyet: You're in the heart of the castle. This is where all the families of the soldiers live.
Mr. Juststoptalking: The Empire will never take this castle! I'll join the army myself if necessary!

Someone overdosed this place on linguistic laxatives, because HOLY HELL is there a bad case of verbal diarrhea going around. Are you done wasting my time, NPCs?



Thank. Goodness. Anyway, this is a secret passage. It's secret. It's a passage. It even goes somewhere!

At the far end is a pointlessly hidden shop!



Amongst his many (mostly outdated) goods for sale is Royal JamHoney! ...How the HELL did Woolsey mistranslate "honey" as "jam"? That doesn't even make SENSE! Or was he just unaware that it's called royal jelly?



The new form of the sword is the Masamune. It's got a bonus to critical hits, so it passes muster. I certainly like it better than Excalibur!



♪♪ The Legend ♪♪

Hahaha Jehk is a dick. I bet he did inspire Jecht's character.

Tomato: I'm starting to wonder if Sage Joch even left this mountain in the first place!
Jehk: I...now wait, you-
Tomato: Look, no more excuses! WE WANT TO SEE SAGE JOCH!!!
Jehk: ......... Very well then, his sageness will see you all now.

Why didn't we have Tomato do that the FIRST time we came up here, again?



Yeah, the bird's the real Joch. It's so obvious.

Joch: ZXYNDRA, QU...
Jehk: The Master speeks in the old tongue! Allow me to translate! "You must undergo a final test. Conquer the one within, and you'll find...courage." Will you attempt the test?
> Absolutely! / Maybe later.
Right. Good luck...

Let's just get this over with, Not!Joch.



Thank you. I hate this squence, it's so very pointless...



Unsurprisingly, this area has new enemies! These are Nitro PumpkinsGrenade Bombs. They're a lot like Bumpkin Bombs, except that they hit a lot harder.



A LOT harder. Also, they can take 0 damage and not even be knocked back by your attacks at random. I hate these guys.



Another new annoyance! Shape Shifters take the form of other enemies and inherit their stats. They can pick from a short list that includes weaklings like Rabites and huge pains in the arse like Eggplant MenChaos Sorcerors. I hate these guys too.



There's Gerells in here too. Urgh...



Does this place ever END?



Anyway, that's a Chaos Sorceror. As you can imagine from that spell alone, they are unholy bitches who deserve to DIE. They also spawn Needlions, which are end-of-game enemies which can just short of instakill us. Guess what, I hate these guys too!



If you're going to fight in this cave (and I would not recommend it), it's better to go the magic route.



Another new enemy that's also horribly annoying! Captain DucksDuck Generals are a more resilient version of Duck Soldiers, and seem to pop out egg bombs far more often. Yep, you guessed it: hate 'em.

Bring it, bird-boy! I've been wanting to kill you for ages!



Oh. It's just a lame fight-your-shadows battle, like almost every single RPG ever made has in it. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN.



I mean yeah, it looks kinda exciting, but it's a complete snoozefest. We're untouchable even WITHOUT Tinkle Barrier. This entire sequence is padding, and the fight itself only reinforces that.



And then there was one.



And then there was none! Why DID so many early Square RPGs rely on flickering sprites for transparency instead of, I don't know, proper transparency?



Ahahaha Percy's an idiot.

Jehk: Well done! When you put your hearts together, nothing on earth can stop you! True courage is the ability to overcome yourself...your darkest fears and innermost hatreds. {Ironically, this entire sequence has only increased my innermost hatreds.} I am Joch. {NO I NEVER WOULD HAVE GUESSED!} The old man was merely an illusion.
Boss: Why didn't you help us SOONER?! Why all the smoke and mirrors? {Because you were too stupid to ask for help directly.}
Joch: You weren't ready quite yet. You ears could hear, but not your hearts. I wanted for you to find your inner strength and now you ARE the new Mana Knight! {I swear this dialogue was lifted almost word-for-word from Kingdom Hearts. It's about as pretentious and vapid. HEYO!} Even now the Emperor seeks to raise the sunken land... he must be stopped at any cost! Atop the purple coral reef you'll find the Tree Palace and seed. Below lies the Mana Fortress. Something evil seeks the seals. You MUST obtain the final seed! HURRY!

Well thanks, Joch. Your pointless Care Bears mealy-mouthed "purity of heart" ritual was entirely pointless and just delayed us from doing what we were already on our way to do before we got plot-railroaded into visiting you. If everything goes to hell in a handbasket, we're blaming you for this.



♪♪ Flying Into the Unknown ♪♪

So, to the Tree Palace we go! You may remember this as the palace we visited at the start of the last update and got blasted out by the sheer force of Unexplained Plot Contrivance.



♪♪ Steel and Snares ♪♪

Well not this time! I guess the Emperor applied some Magic-Rid or something when he came in. Wait oh shit the Emperor's here!

As you may know, the ancient continent will surface once I've broken all the palace seals. This was the only palace I could not get into, until now. Here the final seal will be broken. Then I should be able to find and raise the Mana Fortress, ensuring my absolute victory!
Boss: But that won't work! We've gone to the other palaces and re-sealed the seeds.
Emperor: Yes, that's true. But I have troops standing by to break them all again simultaneously! {How contrivedly convenient!} A pity you won't be around to see my final triumph! *He looks at his two generals at his sides* Who wants the job?
*The purple-haired one steps over to the Emperor*
Sheex: I owe them one since the Republic! Leave it to me!
*The Emperor and the red-haired one vanish, and Sheex walks up to the Tomato Crew*
Boss: "Since the Republic...?" You're the Dark Stalker!? {You got a lot bigger since then.}
Sheex: Indeed! You were fortunate last time, but now you'll taste my true power!

Yeah, I bet. You're probably just another damned palette-swap.



♪♪ Crisis ♪♪

That... is not another damned palette-swap.

The contract we signed with the underworld gives us control of THIS world! To keep all humans under our control, we must revive the Mana Fortress! Now your time is over...

So wait, we have an evil Emperor who's made a literal deal with the Devil and who wants to take over the world, and the biggest threat to him is not the easily-crushed rebellion but a pack of orphans on the run from said Empire? ...This is a remake of Final Fantasy II, isn't it?



No time to ponder that, we've got a boss to fight! AegagropilonMegazorn is a right pain in the butt. Tinkle Barrier? A must!



After that, this old standby is your best bet. Mostly because Megazorn loves to cast Counter Magic. You can get him stuck in a loop, actually, by casting Anti-Magic on him every time he casts Counter Magic on himself... if your Shade level's high enough. Otherwise, you're hosed.



This still won't completely prevent him from being a bitch, of course.

Once you do enough damage, Megazorn drops the legs and starts spinning around the room like that one boss from A Link to the Past. This is a good time to heal up. Oh, and Tinkle Barrier wears off after a bit; just FYI.



He's really not more difficult at all in this form. If anything, he's easier since you can nullify all of his threat with everyone's favorite Wisp spell.



Aced!



Aww yeah...



Cry me a river, you Shadow wanna-be.



We're gonna put on a 3-man version of Cats!



No, he really doesn't. ...Actually, scratch that, you'd probably kick his butt if he refused.

Boss: No good! It's too late! My sword isn't responding... I can feel the Mana Power of the other seeds dropping to zero! They're all dying!

Sucks.



♪♪ Spirit of Night ♪♪

Oh hi Willow.

I am Dryad, a tree spirit and the Mana Elemental of Life. {Eh, I was close.} You can do nothing here anymore...
Dryad: The seals on the world's palaces have been terminated. The Seeds of Mana are no more. The evil continent that sleeps beneath this palace is rising. Please, leave now!
Tomato: But what about you?
Dryad: I wasn't able to save this palace...I'll go down with it!
Percy: What will that serve? idiot! Come! Help us save Mana!
Dryad: Thanatos sealed my "Mana Sword" magic. I really wouldn't be much help to you now...
Tomato: Don't worry! Let's go!
Boss: Yes, hurry! Come on!
Dryad: Well...okay. I'll do what I can with the magic I have left!
*Gained Dryad's powers!*
Tomato: Oh, no! It's rising now! We need to out to call Flammie! RUN FOR IT!!!

Dryad would go on to always be the most timid of the spirits later in the series, and almost always self-depreciating and/or sapped for evil purposes.



Okay, last spell set! (Please ignore the backgrounds of these two images; we'll get there soon enough.) Dryad, rather annoyingly, only has two spells apiece per character! Not cool! Let's start with Tomato: RevivifierReviver and WallCounter Magic. Reviver is an overpriced Angel's Grail, to be perfectly honest, and is only ever a good idea if you've somehow run completely out of Angel's Grails as a result. Counter Magic, as we've discussed before, makes spells bounce off you and hit enemies. This is both good and bad, since it also blocks Heal Water, sabers, etc. Worse, it cannot be dispelled by anything save waiting it out, meaning it can cost you the fight if you rely on it too much! Overall, meh.



Percy gets a bit better line-up of spells from Dryad. First up is our old nemesis Sleep Flower. In effect, this lets Percy cast Balloon on enemies, as Unconscious and Balloon status are identical for all intents and purposes. His other spell is that super-powered Burst attack, which indeed is death incarnate once you level it up enough. I'd advise, if you boost no other spell for the endgame, that you boost Burst to max. It really is that brokenly strong.



Looks like we made it out in time! But what's going on? The coral reef, it's changing form!



♪♪ Dark Star ♪♪

It's suddenly mountainous! Also, behold, the least-used world map theme in HISTORY! Most players hear it used as a world map theme for the approximately 3 seconds it takes to land at the palace once again.

Also? Damn you, Joch.



To be fair, it's not the least used song in the game. It plays throughout this whole exterior area now, in fact.

I've discovered Emperor Vandole is working for the underworld. This place is full of monsters! I've brought troops in to keep the Empire from taking the Mana Fortress into the air. There's an ancient city under this Grand Palace. We must get into it and stop them NOW!
Boss: But the Mana seeds... My sword will be nearly useless against the Emperor now!
Jema: Although your sword isn't fully powered, you're still our best chance in stopping him!
Boss: Okay, I'll try...
Jema: We'll fight off the Imperial troops and buy some time. You go catch up with those soldiers!

Jeez, you people will talk forever about anything, I swear...



Oh joy, a new annoyance! Metal Crawlers like to be annoying by being dodgybitches, randomly taking 0 damage from incoming attacks, and putting up Counter-Magic. They can go to hell (which, according to Jema, is where they came from to begin with).



There's also SteelpionsMetal Scorpions, but they're just as non-threatening as their yellow desert counterparts. Also, haha rocket fish, you were last threatening never ago.

The main entrance to the palace's clearly a no-go.



So into the sewers we go! Ugh, ANOTHER sewer level?



♪♪ Did You See the Sea? ♪♪

Oh, and don't worry, it sucks too. Although it does have a cool aesthetic, at least.



Woot, throwin' power in the house!



You might think this is annoying, and you'd be right. Those little spikes can only be cut down by the axe for no reason that makes any damned sense. And guess what?



Stepping on the clearly-marked switch causes them to all reappear and make your life a living hell! I'm SO getting the FF2 vibe this update, aren't you?



Oh hey, another "new" enemy. Kimono WizardsGarasharams like to spam spells, take 0 damage from incoming blows, and generally make you decide to run away instead of fight them. You can't fault them for being bad at their jobs, I guess.



These cute little things are Basilisks. As you can imagine, they can petrify you. They're the least-threatening thing down here by far, and I kinda feel bad about killing them because of it.



There are waterfall corridors in this part where you have to hit these wall-mounted switches to turn them off. It's just another instance of fake game-lengthening "puzzles".



♪♪ Crisis ♪♪

Not far ahead, we suddenly get tossed into a boss fight! That came outta left field.



The appropriately-named Hydra is a water-elemental, meaning he's fire-weak and generally not going to prove to be much of a problem to a team such as ours.



Really not a problem.



About the only thing he has up his sleeve of note is that he can engulf everything in fire. Which isn't exactly all that intimidating when nothing else he does actually hurts.

That's one dead Hydra, yessiree.



Ooh, shiny!



♪♪ Steel and Snares ♪♪

Wait, shouldn't the boss fight be AFTER we run into you chuckleheads? This makes no damn sense...

Emperor: That's enough, Fanha! We've no time for playing with these young children today. Just think about what the Mana Fortress will do to them! We're leaving immediately!
*The Emperor and his soldier walk off*
Fanha: ...Ha!...coming... Oh, I'll get you little beasts yet!

I just bet you will.



Oh thanks for flashbombing me. Jerk...

Quick, after them!



♪♪ Did You See the Sea? ♪♪

I am officially sick of this place. Give me a change of scenery already!



Oh, you... actually gave me a change of scenery. Um, thanks?



It's mostly rehashed enemies, but I'll take what I can get.



Wow, a working escalator? Clearly this isn't a subway in New York, then!



Damn and blast! What manner of futuristic barrier could this be? If only the ancients had invented switches and put them in logical places!



Instead, they decided that the best way to handle this was to make a huge floor-based pressure plate and hide it in a side-room off the left side of the escalators. OF COURSE!



Ahh, sweet upgrades, how I missed thee!



Today's upgrades: the GigasGiant's Lance (+1 Strength, snoooore), Hammer Flail (causes tangled status, nifty), and FrizbarBattle Frisbee (yes, really; does bonus damage to slimes and lizards, meh).



All our friends are here too! And free healing, woot!

Random McDude: I learned a secret code from an enemy soldier while infiltrating their forces. It's "Red-Blue-Yellow-Green." What kind of code is that, anyway?
Random McSoldier: Keep going, Sir Boss! We'll secure this area for you.

Die, duck, die!



Remember that platform I mentioned in the Fire Palace that you could ascend with the glove? Well this area you can do that too! Of course, if you DO, you won't be able to progress since the puzzle up there is tied to you having solved the OTHER puzzles in this place first. Boo!



So we'll do this the right way.



No, standing on the different tile here is NOT the solution! You have to stand in between all of the tiles! Yeah, they were just fucking with players at this point.



Ah, here's the color puzzle. Hope you remembered what Random McDude said about it earlier!



Fortunately, I did.



Okay, now this place is officially getting too damned long too.



Is there no END to it?



Oh come on! Even just a little change of scenery would do!



Ah, I guess that works. Also, behold! Many enemies down here can do ABSURD damage to you compared to anything else we've met thus far. Why? We'll talk about it next time... The short version is, if it hits this hard, run the hell away! Don't think Tinkle Barrier will save you, either; like Golem in FF5/FF6, it will only block a certain amount of damage, meaning it wears off literally after one hit with these guys.



Is... is that a subway car?



It is! And the second we get on it, it starts moving! Even though it's not moved at all when we get off! ...Yeah, someone ran into a deadline, can you tell?



The subway train is mostly filled with non-threatening Ghouls. Yeah, those guys from, what, 5 dungeons ago? I'm not even kidding.



There's a switch in this turnstile-thingy! More attempts to fuck with the player...



Is this the end of this place at last?

♪♪ Strange Happenstance ♪♪

Oh good, it is. I'll even take the Dorombo Gang expies to that place right about now...

Boss: I did some nosing around... Seems this kid is the "Legendary Mana Knight" or something! Haw, haw, haw! What a joke! How could YOU have found that blade? Hand it over!
Boys: Yeah! We're gonna be rich selling that blade, Boss!
Boss: Shaddap and go get it!
Super Special Delux Robot Type 2...with turbo! "Kettle Kin!"

ANOTHER boss fight? Really?



♪♪ Crisis ♪♪

Alright, we'll kick your ass too... Kettle KinDeath Machine is not challenging. Like, at all.



I think I fell asleep fighting it...



I mean really, what am I supposed to say about palette-swapped bosses that have nothing new or interesting about them?



Wake me when it's dead... Oh, it's dead already? Go figure.



Our power's just shooting on up!



♪♪ Strange Happenstance ♪♪

What, you thought he was a cheap imitation? Please, he's Sir Cucumber Boss, the one and only!

What idiot said he wasn't really the Knight? Let's scram!
Boys: Yeah!
*They run off*

Fortunately, they won't be showing up to annoy us again.



♪♪ Dark Star ♪♪

Oh hey, we made it out! Cool.



Thanks for the pep-talk, Generic McSoldier the Second!



Okay, I'm done for this update. The Grand Palace is large upon huge upon WHEN WILL THIS DAMN PLACE END ALREADY!?, so we're gonna tackle it next time.

Now fight! Show me the beauty of agony and pain!

Seriously—this guy can keep his "expanded" script and all its unwelcome cruft, especially the clichéd tsundere dynamic.


That's the Joke. "Royal jam" is a wacky spin on royal jelly.

Many enemies are immune to physicals while unconscious. Balloon is the better spell (although it's on the one without unlimited MP).

True, a lot of late-game enemies are damage-immune when Unconscious. But much like a Ballooned foe, an Unconscious foe can't fight back. Against enemies that hit harder than any enemy has any right to hit (ie. half the enemies in the subway and a fair few in the Grand Palace), Sleep Flower becomes a very useful combat avoidance tool indeed.

Which is really sad because this has always been one of my favorite tracks in the game.

Wait, does it actually? Because I looked and looked as a teen, and never figured out how to get there.

It's actually pretty straightforward. Here's a shot of it with the background layer disabled.

I eventually discovered that path because an NPC started walking into it, I think.

Aegagropilon!

So, that was yet another instance of Woolsey inserting an obscure reference that almost 1% of his audience was likely to get. He seems to have been fond of those...

I always wondered where that name came from! Google turned up nothing for the longest time.

As long as we're talking about the names of that particular boss, I'm pretty sure that the Japanese name was meant to be spelled with an X.