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Movie Time 2.0: TT mini reviews

Johnny Unusual

(He/Him)
The Reluctant Dragon

Less a movie and more like a promo for the Disney studio studded with cartoon nuggets. The film is humourist and not the writer of Jaws Robert Benchley has he roams the Disney studio, dodging a PA with a real Hitler Youth's AV club-vibe. It feels like a lavish ad for the studio but has some actual interesting behind the scenes stuff and occasional casual racism. Some of the cartoons are good enough, like one told in storyboard (while introducing to audiences what a story board is) Baby Weems, about the world's smartest baby. The big one is the title tale and its fine, the story of a gentle dragon and the knight sent to slay him who end up getting on but decide to hold a fake fight and concoct a redemption tale for the dragon who needs none. Its OK but not memorable and seems a shame to hang the entire film around. Frankly, calling the movie this seems like a bait and switch for young kids who want a wacky dragon and must sit through a middle aged man wandering around a film studio, as much humour as the film tries to add to it.
 

clarice

bebadosamba
I saw recently

Secret Sunshine

A story about grief and all of that. A very hard watch. Powerful. Love Lee Chang-dong's movies.

Stray Dog

Early Kurosawa movie about a cop who had his gun stolen and sees himself in the culprit. I was surprised that i actually didn't like it very much! Kurosawa is not that good at social commentary (although i love One Wonderful Sunday). But it is a fine movie and everything fits together nicely. It reminds me of the Donald Richie comment that Kurosawa had better scripts in his early work, because he wrote with more people or something. I don't remember it very well...
 

Octopus Prime

Mysterious Contraption
(He/Him)
All Disney Canon Watch continues with Lady and the Tramp, and I was surprised to see a racism warning, considering how the cast is almost entirely talking animal. But ol‘ Walt finds a way! At least it was “Grandpa Don’t Know No Better“ racism, and not the active hate crime that was Peter Pan.

Discounting Racist Cats (and a Chihuahua... and an Italian), the movie was honestly probably the single best looking movie they’ve put out so far. It also opened with a dedication to dogs in general, so I appreciated that. Tramp had a kind of Burt Reynolds quality to himself, which is an unconventional thing to compare a stray dog to.

The films real villain, other than racism, was the old lady. Hey old lady, maybe don’t bring several entire cats with you when you’re dog and baby sitting. Furthermore, i think rule one of dog sitting is not immediately blaming every problem in the house on the dog and let the dog get arrested by the DOG COPS.

I was expecting a dog jailbreak by the end, but there wasn’t one, so I guess they all died. So that’s a bummer!

The Italian Chef is weirdly invested in the romantic life of a stray dog in his neighborhood.
 

Octopus Prime

Mysterious Contraption
(He/Him)
That explains why I conflate the two movies so often...

Also, this was the first one produced by Buena Vista, as opposed to RKO.
 

R.R. Bigman

Coolest Guy
After several years of putting it off, I watched War for the Planet of the Apes. The entire trilogy is very good. I think I might have liked the first two better, though.
 
Watched My Octopus Teacher last night. Some very cool footage and cool new things learned about the animals but I'm still waffling on the human, he gets a bit annoying at times. I wouldn't let that stop you from watching it though.
 
Enjoyed Mortal Kombat. Mortal Kombatants handsome. Slight disappointment with Mileena who spent most of the movie looking like she was just a messy eater with a normal mouth, then got her cool mouth 15 seconds before dying. No mouth carnage...
 

Tegan

dirtbag lesbian
(She/Her)
The Mitchells vs The Machines is great. It's not treading much new ground, but it's executing on the thing that it's trying to be just about perfectly. And despite the unfortunate timing of being a movie specifically set in September 2020 and missing the obvious thing, it absolutely nails the modern internet culture thing that it's doing.

Also, if you're like me and your first thought on seeing that trailer was "so Katie is gay, right?" and don't want to risk getting your hopes up and being disappointed for the millionth time: she is canonically gay, in the text of the film with zero ambiguity, with parents who absolutely support her sexuality. It's not a huge element since her love interest isn't in most of the movie due to everything else going on, but no one would ever mistake Katie for straight.
 

Octopus Prime

Mysterious Contraption
(He/Him)
I feel confident in saying that Mars Attacks was the last movie Tim Burton had fun making. Especially in the back-half when it just becomes a straight up violent Loony Tunes movie, in the best tradition of Gremlins.

Every single character in it (and the cast is as star-studded as anything I've ever seen) is absolutely having the time of their life, the CG holds up surprisingly well, and I just love the design of the Martians.

Also, Lisa Marie as the Female Alien manages to LOOK like she's bad CG because she is a human uncanny valley.

Love this movie.
 
John Carpenter loves to cast Nancy Stevens in minor roles saying right-on things (nurse who is like, “you are a terrible mental health professional, dr loomis” in Halloween and gleeful terrorist in Escape from New York) and I like to see it.
 
I watched the Meg on cable while I was at my parents house.

I thought it was okay. There are some fun giant shark sequences. But outside of some fun giant shark action, the characters are extremely forgettable.

I would say if you're looking for the ultimate b shark movie, watch Deep Blue Sea.

I've never seen Jaws. I don't know if it would be considered a b movie.
 

Olli

(he/him)
I knew it was going to be bad going in, but Angel Has Fallen felt like a letdown even in the "are you a bad enough dude to rescue the president" genre. At least London Has Fallen was set in an interesting location; this one was a mix of boring New England forests and boring hospital/office spaces. It takes like 3 seconds to guess the villain and their plot, too. Gerard Butler is definitely getting too old for this sh*t; I can't believe they have 3 further movies planned for the franchise.
 
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Johnny Unusual

(He/Him)
Sartana is Coming, Trade Your Pistol for a Coffin

Hey, it turns out there IS another official Sartana movie on Prime. In this one, its a battle of wits for gold and stuff and Sartana must match wits with a gunslinging fancy boy. The twist at the end makes the big dumb finale actually make more sense and its a fun movie overall. I like that he comes up with weird, little plans that feel almost more like affectation than real plans and its a lot of fun.
 

Octopus Prime

Mysterious Contraption
(He/Him)
I haven’t felt particularly inclined to watch any of those movies, but my God, the entire Sartana series has to have the best titles I’ve ever seen
 

jpfriction

A most radical pontiff
The Mitchells vs the Machines is an extremely fun and silly Lord n Miller joint about the robot apocalypse. Only gripe is it’s a bit too long, my daughter gave up and wanted to go to bed before the end of it.

Mortal Kombat was dumb and fine, held my attention because I was waiting patiently for Scorpion to show up. This was my wife’s first exposure to the fact that the MK characters actually have ludicrously complicated backstories so she may have had more fun with it, not knowing exactly what was going to happen in most scenes. She was probably getting very sick of me groaning every time a character actually said “fatality” etc out loud, though. The disembodied announcer from the games / first movie works fine! Who didn’t love it in the first movie when that stupid lizard fell into a mummy and turned into a green dude as an unseen voice helpfully yelled “Reptile!”?
 

Rascally Badger

El Capitan de la outro espacio
(He/Him)
Tom Clancy's Without Remorse just isn't very good. Michael B. Jordan is good, but otherwise it is an unappetizing mix of generic spy movie and origin story. I didn't hate it, but unless you just really want to see Michael B. Jordan (and don't feel like watching Creed again) I can't recommend it.

The Mitchells vs the Machines is what Tegan and jpfriction said. That "nails the modern internet culture" part is not necessarily a good thing, though.
 

lincolnic

can stop, will stop
(he/him)
She was probably getting very sick of me groaning every time a character actually said “fatality” etc out loud, though.
Be glad they cut the scene where Liu Kang said "toasty". (I can't seem to find the link to the article I read about this, but I promise this is not a joke.)
 

Tegan

dirtbag lesbian
(She/Her)
The Mitchells vs the Machines is what Tegan and jpfriction said. That "nails the modern internet culture" part is not necessarily a good thing, though.
Yeah that element is a real mixed bag, with the poles being the screaming monkey, which I found extremely annoying; and the little animation plays any time someone does the Rick Mitchell Special, which only got funnier every time.
 
My son said "boomer humour in full effect" whenever movie came down negatively on modern social media.

I liked it. It was basically Black Mirror for kids. Plus Conan O'Brien cameo.
 

ASandoval

Old Man Gamer
(he/him)
My son said "boomer humour in full effect" whenever movie came down negatively on modern social media.

The movie is walking a very tightrope of trying to say 'Technology is good, the way it's been designed by rich people is bad" while also making relatable and recognizable characters who interact with said technology, which is a hard thing to do and I think that part of the message is pretty muddled.

It's an as mentioned Lord & Miller animated production that's written/directed by a pair of Gravity Falls writers and thus a movie made specifically for me, so that's really my only criticism. Absolutely wonderful, enjoyed every second of it.
 

Johnny Unusual

(He/Him)
I haven’t felt particularly inclined to watch any of those movies, but my God, the entire Sartana series has to have the best titles I’ve ever seen
The fact that no one has tried to emulate titles this good speaks to the failing of modern culture.

Have a Good Funeral, My Friend... Sartana Will Pay is the best official Sartana title (followed by If You Meet Sartana Pray for Your Death). Best unofficial: Alleluja & Sartana are Sons... Sons of God. I love how many titles are like full two statements.
 

YangusKhan

does the Underpants Dance
(He/Him/His)
I wish I liked Mortal Kombat more than I did. The campiness was great! But like... the story structure was super boring? How do you manage to make a boring MK story?? It's like they tried to do a comic-book-movie style origin story when you really don't need to do that. There wasn't even a tournament! It's the first movie in a presumable series of movies! There can be convoluted backstories! In fact that's kind of a requirement! Just keep the main story simple!
 

Torzelbaum

????? LV 13 HP 292/ 292
(he, him, his)
I watched the Meg on cable while I was at my parents house.

I thought it was okay. There are some fun giant shark sequences. But outside of some fun giant shark action, the characters are extremely forgettable.

I would say if you're looking for the ultimate b shark movie, watch Deep Blue Sea.
I saw The Meg a few weeks ago and I agree. That was a movie that really just needed to lean into the craziness way more than it did.
 
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