Movie Time 2.0: TT mini reviews

[jpfriction]

The Mitchells vs the Machines is an extremely fun and silly Lord n Miller joint about the robot apocalypse. Only gripe is it’s a bit too long, my daughter gave up and wanted to go to bed before the end of it.

Mortal Kombat was dumb and fine, held my attention because I was waiting patiently for Scorpion to show up. This was my wife’s first exposure to the fact that the MK characters actually have ludicrously complicated backstories so she may have had more fun with it, not knowing exactly what was going to happen in most scenes. She was probably getting very sick of me groaning every time a character actually said “fatality” etc out loud, though. The disembodied announcer from the games / first movie works fine! Who didn’t love it in the first movie when that stupid lizard fell into a mummy and turned into a green dude as an unseen voice helpfully yelled “Reptile!”?

 

[Rascally Badger]

Tom Clancy's Without Remorse just isn't very good. Michael B. Jordan is good, but otherwise it is an unappetizing mix of generic spy movie and origin story. I didn't hate it, but unless you just really want to see Michael B. Jordan (and don't feel like watching Creed again) I can't recommend it.

The Mitchells vs the Machines is what Tegan and jpfriction said. That "nails the modern internet culture" part is not necessarily a good thing, though.

 

[lincolnic]

She was probably getting very sick of me groaning every time a character actually said “fatality” etc out loud, though.

Be glad they cut the scene where Liu Kang said "toasty". (I can't seem to find the link to the article I read about this, but I promise this is not a joke.)

 

[chud_666]

My son said "boomer humour in full effect" whenever movie came down negatively on modern social media.

I liked it. It was basically Black Mirror for kids. Plus Conan O'Brien cameo.

 

[Octopus Prime]

Be glad they cut the scene where Liu Kang said "toasty". (I can't seem to find the link to the article I read about this, but I promise this is not a joke.)

I refuse to be glad about that

 

[Neo Skimbleshanks]

I refuse to be glad about that

 

[ASandoval]

My son said "boomer humour in full effect" whenever movie came down negatively on modern social media.

The movie is walking a very tightrope of trying to say 'Technology is good, the way it's been designed by rich people is bad" while also making relatable and recognizable characters who interact with said technology, which is a hard thing to do and I think that part of the message is pretty muddled.

It's an as mentioned Lord & Miller animated production that's written/directed by a pair of Gravity Falls writers and thus a movie made specifically for me, so that's really my only criticism. Absolutely wonderful, enjoyed every second of it.

 

[Johnny Unusual]

I haven’t felt particularly inclined to watch any of those movies, but my God, the entire Sartana series has to have the best titles I’ve ever seen

The fact that no one has tried to emulate titles this good speaks to the failing of modern culture.

Have a Good Funeral, My Friend... Sartana Will Pay is the best official Sartana title (followed by If You Meet Sartana Pray for Your Death). Best unofficial: Alleluja & Sartana are Sons... Sons of God. I love how many titles are like full two statements.

 

[YangusKhan]

I wish I liked Mortal Kombat more than I did. The campiness was great! But like... the story structure was super boring? How do you manage to make a boring MK story?? It's like they tried to do a comic-book-movie style origin story when you really don't need to do that. There wasn't even a tournament! It's the first movie in a presumable series of movies! There can be convoluted backstories! In fact that's kind of a requirement! Just keep the main story simple!

 

[Torzelbaum]

I watched the Meg on cable while I was at my parents house.

I thought it was okay. There are some fun giant shark sequences. But outside of some fun giant shark action, the characters are extremely forgettable.

I would say if you're looking for the ultimate b shark movie, watch Deep Blue Sea.

I saw The Meg a few weeks ago and I agree. That was a movie that really just needed to lean into the craziness way more than it did.

 

[BEAT]

Willy's Wonderland is a perfect example of a pretty bad movie that's infinitely more watchable than other better movies due to the influence of Nic Cage.

 

[BEAT]

It's basically just FNAF, but what if instead of a helpless smuck working the night shift, it was a borderline psychotic who has no problem Curb stomping a robot gorilla's head off in a urinal.

 

[BEAT]

It fuckin rules you should check it out.

 

[Torzelbaum]

a borderline psychotic who has no problem Curb stomping a robot gorilla's head off in a urinal.

Are you referring to Nic Cage or the character he plays?

 

[4-So]

Blade Runner 2049 was a great movie, well worth the watch, but I don't know if I like it as a sequel to Blade Runner (which I watched the first time just last year.) I'm not certain bringing the Deckard character back was entirely compelling. I love me some Harrison Ford but I think the movie was better before he showed up. Also, something about the music and the visuals felt off in terms of what I would have expected in a sequel. Still, it was quite fun and I think it would stand up to repeated viewings.

 

[BEAT]

Are you referring to Nic Cage or the character he plays?

YES.

 

[BEAT]

For real, I know everybody said "Wow what an obvious rip off of FNAF" and... yeah it kinda is, but it's somehow WAY MORE than just that.

Plus it's not like the actual FNAF movie is gonna make it out of development hell anytime soon.

 

[Paul le Fou]

I thought Mortal Kombat was a lot of fun. Extremely stupid, self-aware, and campy. I groaned at all the game one-liners but in a delighted way, because it was so dumb. But like, it said here, have some Mortal Kombat shit, and then delivered on most or all of it. No regrets at all watching that big dumb mess. I didn't realize until partway through that the main character was an Original Character Do Not Steal but he seemed to fit in well enough with the rest that it didn't stand out.


I watched Palm Springs last night and I really liked it. Good performances and writing, lots of funny moments, some actually really heartfelt stuff too. Definitely recommend.

 

[Octopus Prime]

Two movies with wildly different levels of directorial skill, but which both bring about the same level of entertainment are Jurassic Park and Plan 9 From Outer Space.

I watched both within the Same day.

 

[Torzelbaum]

Two movies with wildly different levels of directorial skill, but which both bring about the same level of entertainment are Jurassic Park and Plan 9 From Outer Space.

I watched both within the Same day.

If I had all of the money in the world I think one of the first things I would do (after solving all of the world's problems) is buy a movie theater and put Octo in charge of deciding what movies should be shown there.

 

[Octopus Prime]

I mean... if you’re offering All the Money, sure, I’m down for that

 

[Torzelbaum]

Well, it would be whatever I have left after solving all of the world's problems, purchasing the theater and getting it running...

 

[John]

We watched 2/3rds of Dances with Wolves last night. Costner's narration is still stilted and poor, and inserting a white character into the Native tribe as a culture bridge was definitely a choice, but overall I thought it was still pretty respectful of Native people. We only watched the first 2 hours because it's dang long, but it's been a nice journey, and I'm sure nothing bad will happen to the tribe in the climax!

 

[Octopus Prime]

Well, it would be whatever I have left after solving all of the world's problems, purchasing the theater and getting it running...

You talked yourself right out of a deal, buster.

 

[chud_666]

So

I am a huge MK fan. I'm invested to the silly, yet dead serious lore. And I was excited for the new movie.
MK 95 is a great movie (like adjust expectations for great), it gets the goofiness of the material, and is a decent martial arts movie to boot. Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa is straight up fabulous as Shang Tsung. Goro animatronic is very impressive, awesome sets, and 2 straight up bad ass fights (Cage v Scropion, Kang v Reptile) Oh and KMFDM

So was excited for new show. Casting certified Bad Ass Joe Taslim as Sub-Zero was def move to coolness. Casting is great all around, actually, but as a huge fan of the Raid, The Night Comes for Us etc, this was super exciting. I liked that it was R. I liked they make a big deal of Nitara and she dies immediately

Now for the bad
- it's pretty boring despite all the hyper violence
- the fights are bad, and badly shot (this is the worst part for me, because when you have Joe Taslim you set expectations)
- Cole?

It's better than Annihilation, but also isn't. Annihilation is awful, but very entertaining.

 

[Voncaster]

I watched Mortal Kombat (2021) as well.

I'm not an MK super fan, but I was around for its arcade and home port releases and hype. I'm also not well versed in Martial Arts movies. That is to say I largely defer to your opinion Chud_666.

For what its worth, I liked it. I thought it was dumb fun, which is what I expect from an MK movie. I liked the over the top gore. The action and dialog largely worked for me as a MK movie. It was fun to recognize all the MK characters when they were introduced.

 

[Rascally Badger]

Those Who Want Me Dead is a perfectly serviceable action thriller. A decent, inessential genre exercise.

The Woman in the Window tries to be some kind of Hitchcock thiller and mostly gets there. Its also just not especially good. I mean, its got a great cast and some really well put together scenes, but you can probably guess the plot after about fifteen minutes. Its tough for a thriller with no surprises.

I also watched Leatherheads, that George Clooney movie about the early days of professional football. Sometimes it is a genuinely fun screwball comedy built around a love triangle of Clooney, Renee Zellweger, and John Krasinski. Other times it is the most flat, tepid sports movie imaginable. It is really strange when it switches modes, because it is genuinely engaging when it is just the characters talking and so . . . nothing otherwise.

 

[Johnny Unusual]

Zatoichi's Flashing Blade

Back on Zatoichi. One of the lesser ones, this has a bit more broad comedy than the others but has a very moody finale. In this one, Ichi ends up getting caught in yet another rivalry between two yakuza. The catch is one is a legit good guy, keeping the river crossing cheap and celebrating with fireworks. The other is a slovenly, uncouth businessman itching for a fight and will do anything to provoke one. The villain is a lot weaker and though the recurring theme is still there, that being a criminal isn't the same as a bad person and some of the real villains are the government wheeler dealers or someone in authority or in the nobility. But usually the series brings in a cool opposite number for the hero to match skills with and there's not a lot going on here. I almost fell asleep through this one but that's not a "this was boring" so much as "I had a busy day." But it is a forgettable one. I'm hoping the next one has some more fun villains.

 

[Johnny Unusual]

Venom

I guess I just don't get what TT sees in this film. Oh, its not without its merits. I appreciate that its weirdly gross. Like, the murders are all very sterile but the food stuff and the fact that for most of the movie Tom Hardy and the make up people decide that Eddie is violently ill, constantly sweating. Choices are made and hard swings are had. I like what Riz Ahmed is doing, too. Not subtle but fun. But the actual Venom effects look quite awful, particularly the more it goes into superhero mode. I also don't really get the symbiotes' heel turn which seems to be based on very little. It gives some explanations but it feels very weak and "tell, don't show". I wanted this to be the weird outlier in the big franchise movies that gets a weird little personality all its own by virtue of that but frankly, we don't get enough. In terms of structure, its just as big a snooze as the mid-2000s superhero films that didn't land.

 

[Octopus Prime]

The Wraith is so 80s of a horror movie that it feels like a parody of itself. Theres perhaps two minutes of the movie that’s not scored with an 80s power ballad, it’s got all the worst versions of Hollywood royalty; Charlie Sheen, Clint Howard and Randy Quaid, and the main characters have names like “Skank” and “Gutterboy”.

Charlie Sheen is either a ghost or an alien who comes to a sleepy desert town in order to avenge his murder,mainly by killing people using his futuristic super car, and everyone he kills feels compelled to challenge him to drag races first. Even after its established that his MO is “Kill People With Drag Races”

come for the soundtrack, stay for a cornucopia of baffling 80s taunts.