Make sure you don't hurt nobody. Let's Play Barkley: Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden!

This is actually my favorite part of the game, because the sidequests are so great.

I am babbling in a ditch.

A couple thoughts/questions - enjoying the LP so far.

- Are you using the keyboard or a gamepad to play this? The one time I tried to play the game I was frustrated over the controls. Maybe it was the flaky timed-hit system or just the awkward nature of using a keyboard for this type of game. I'm willing to, however, try the game again if there was a better way to play it.

- As mentioned earlier, the fact this game got finished and seems like a fully-functional product is truly a good thing. Nutty fan-made stuff like this is always welcome!

- Was there ever going to be a next "chapter" of this series or was that a silly inside joke to episodic gaming?

- And the comment that's sure to get me ridiculed...

The game's tongue-in-cheek usage of actual basketball players combined with a plot that's (apparently) taken deadly serious just rubs me the wrong way. I'm not sure why, honestly. I realize this is a fan-made RPG starring Charles Barkley based on the (incredibly silly) title of his 16-bit street basketball game. I also think it's funny that Michael Jordan is basically a major bad guy in the game.

But I imagine for some who even remotely follow sports, notably basketball, much of the game's random name-dropping just comes off as forced and gimmicky. Making random references to Muggsy Bogues (who was more famed for being an effective point guard despite being only 5'3" than anything else) and Patrick Ewing falls flat for me. Having current basketball players be cyborgs or giant monsters also just isn't terribly funny - it just comes off as weird. Again, I know the whole freaking point of the game is silly parody - but I feel a lot of the basketball-related humor falls flat.

I'll head back to lurking and enjoy the rest of the LP, as I never did get very far in this game and am interested to see the end. I guess I was wondering if anyone felt a similar vibe from the game.

Man, what is UP with those truck pumps? They were added to make fun of the otaku community right?

Super awesome Q&A time!

I'm using a keyboard for it, which I understand is kind of cumbersome for some people, but I'm pretty used to it. I can't play Spelunky without a gamepad anymore though.

I am pretty sure that's another joke on episodic gaming, especially considering how the game ends.

I was hoping to hear from someone who's an honest basketball fan regarding this, actually, because I never really followed the sport at all. As mentioned at the start of the LP, the game is based off of the numerous basketball-themed games of the 90's, which varied sharply in quality. The example I cited was the atrocious Shaq Fu, in which the baller faced off against all kinds of weird foes, like mummies and robots and who knows what else, in a fighting game. That doesn't really have much of anything to do with Shaq's play style at all, it just has his name to sell a Mortal Kombat clone. The game's trying for that more so than an actual basketball-themed RPG, so a lot of the actual references are going to be basic namedrops with nonsensical attitudes behind them.

I think the game designers knew that the more common players of this game would likely be culture geeks of the 90's more so than actual basketball fans (not that there's not overlap), which could also be part of why the references are so light or nonexistent. Even so, I like hearing about the details of the actual players when the game bothers to get them right.

Basically, yeah. Since the game is as much a jab at the RPG setup as it is at basketball-themed games, they decided to throw stuff like that in. Apparently, all the rants come from actual forum posts (except for I think the very first one and a few obvious ones at the end).

You know, I had mostly forgotten the details of Shaq Fu, other than Shaq starring in his own fighting game. Some of the characters he fought against were indeed really weird. Maybe the random Egyptian tombs/sewers/whatever in this game were a reference to Shaq Fu?

When it comes to the references in the game so far, some are more clever (Larry Bird as some sort of priest when he's often referred to as 'Basketball Jesus' in many circles) than others.

But yeah, I figured many of the references were basic namedrops and nothing more. A lot of buzz/praise for this game has come from the usual groups who love weird games, but have an irritating cynicism toward both sports and sports games. I admit I'm cynical right back at those type of people, because I feel you can be a reasonable sports fan and be just as much of a dork/nerd/whatever about video games as you want.

(And having a journalism/editing background - there are just as many loud, obsessed sports fans/hacks on the opposite side of the spectrum who manage to write for newspapers or blogs, but can't objectively write their way out of a paper bag. But that's a whole other, completely unrelated topic.)

But yeah, I'm glad my thoughts didn't come off as ripping the game or your coverage so far, because definitely not! Keep it coming!

I like how the sewer tileset is ripped straight out of Chrono Trigger. It's made even better by the incongruous sprites, like snail-man in the corner. Wow.

I keep cracking up at the basketball references in this game. Please keep showing those; it's hilarious to see zombie Kobe attack or read Shawn Bradley's sarcophagus. I hope Gheorghe Muresan makes an appearance.

Great LP! I love vicariously playing games I've never heard of.

I love that Barkley is running around with LeBron's GREAT grandson, and Charles is the one doing the better physical attacks! The ages and time references are so all over the freaking place.

As someone who's never really liked Kobe, seeing him as a pushover zombie getting killed in the first part of the game is pretty sweet.

Hey, I read as much manga as the rest of them and I don't like pocky. It's really expensive. And generic.

A question: Will we get to see Man-Manhattan and see just what a chaos dunk can do? It doesn't exactly affect the player when you say fifteen million people just died. Then again, this IS... er... whatever the hell this game is.

Especially considering that Charles wasn't much of a fighter in his prime.

I wonder if Hoop Squad is going to make an appearance in this game.

(oh god why do I know about this aaaggghh)

I neither deny nor deny the possibility of one or none of these things eventually being a possibility.

The game's more about cynicism towards RPGs than cynicism towards sports games. The idea is that it could have lifted any field or mythology and mangled it for the sake of its generically "epic" story without caring about accuracy from the beginning, so why not make it about basketball (in name only)?

Okay, so apparently there's something to be found on the left fork leading to Cesspool X, which is a dead end! I hereby retract all statements about going right first. Let's go see what's over there.



Oh, wait. We can do a completely ridiculous and hilarious sidequest first.



A fellow acolyte of Cheibriados! Take it easy!



Oh. Never mind, it's just a lovestruck idiot who happens to also be an anthropomorphic snail.

I can't help but think that there's a reference to be had with this J. Lindsay fox, but what do I know?



Well this is gonna be easy.



I'm with Barkley on this one, honestly. Seriously, who writes poems to express their love to people they've never met in this day and age? Everyone knows you stalk them on Facebook. Get with the program, Eric!



Walt Whitman he ain't.



To be honest, at this point, we're already guaranteed a reward. Sure, the poem isn't going to win that aimlessly roving and apparently deaf kitsune's heart any time soon, but the snail will stick to his word. However, if we can fix the poem, we get an even better reward, so...



Balthios gets a smug parting shot in, and then suggests we go over to learn more about J. Lindsay. Seriously, you'd think he'd at least try to incorporate her personality into the poem, but what do I know about wooing girls with terrible poetry anyway?



Well, let's get this train wreck going.



We'll need to figure out as much as we can about her, so I'll be asking each and every one of these questions. Surely there's got to be some complex desires here that we can weave into a framework for our muse?

You sound like arsenicCatnip. Which, considering the other characters in that story, isn't as bad as it could be. Moving on, though.

Okay, so the "complex desires" aren't so much a framework as they are a dented four-by-four. But hey, we'll work with what we've got.

Fascinating stuff! Now let's get the hell out of here and finish that poem.





Back in the inn, apparently run by a tuna mascot or something...



At least he bothered to identify the recipient with this one. I can't even tell whether Barkley or Balthios is supposed to be the straight man here.



Okay, what are your suggestions?



Seriously? This is what we have to work with?

Yeah screw this.

In order to get the best reward from this, you should stick with Vince's suggestions each time. Balthios might know a lot about the proper poetic structure, but J. Lindsay wouldn't be able to tell a metaphor if it kicked her in the face, so we'll have to be direct to get the message across. Going with any of Balthios' recommendations will cause J. Lindsay to dislike the poem, and Eric will know you modified it and pay you less.



Crude? Yes. Effective? Also yes.



And we're done here.

No need. If you screw up and get the poem wrong, you get a chance to redo it, but I am a pro at this.



Onwards! And upwards! But mostly onwards!



Idiocy tenfold, that's what!

Yes, you talk to a bunch of people you've never met about your entire personality, and then Eric magically sends you a poem using those same people as couriers. Clearly he understands you like no other.





Criminy. These two pillocks deserve each other.





No reward?! Screw this, I'm looting what Eric dropped.



Cheibriados appreciates the change of pace.



Two zaubers in one! Bargain pack!

...Actually, the Snail Zauber skill kinda sucks. It has a chance of halving the speed of every enemy on the field. Cool and all, but for the cost involved, not worth your BP.



The Snail Zauber weapon, on the other hand, is ridiculously good. It has lower speed than the other endgame zaubers, but that never bothered me and I like following the Cheibriados theme here, so I'm gonna be using this until then.

Well, let's go save now that we finished the sidequest, and then we'll go back to the fork and head le--



Oh, as long as we're in the neighborhood, we may as well.

We've spent the better part of the last hour playing matchmaker for some god damned animal people. I think we can handle an odd dwarf.



Fun fact? The "Cyberdwarf's House" text on entering a new area appeared over that message box at first.



GAH! Dude makes Sylvester Stallone look like a lotion advertiser!

...Actually, wait. Haven't they fought b-ball patterned monsters for the major part of their journey anyway?

Y'know, for his stoic warrior-poet image, Balthios is a hell of a screw-up.



Upon hearing these words, Vinceborg spazzes out.



But I haven't gone left at the fork yet!



Well, we got a new party member, so I'm not complaining.



The Cyberdwarf fills the classical healer role with his dwarfrage skillz, but he also serves as a high-defense fighter when need be. He fights using a variety of dwarven armaments, collectively referred to as "Muscle". I think that's probably another intentional misnomer. His guarding skill lowers the damage taken from future attacks by a third for all party members, making him the best defensive character in the game, and no slouch offensively. He'd probably be the best contender against Barkley for the best character in the game.



Incidentally, the open door in the back of Cyberdwarf's house? Leads to the tomb of Dikembe Mutombo. Are you surprised? You should be!



Seriously? If it's so legendary and famous, why did Balthios never go inside when he visited? Or hell, why didn't Cyberdwarf?



Anyway. The tomb of Dikembe Mutombo is either a short or long side dungeon, depending on which direction you take at the upcoming fork.



The thing that makes the dungeon most dangerous is the random encounters loaded with Dread Refs. These ones can call for help as well.



I missed the first screenshot due to the low window of time available here, but Cyberdwarf has three basic attacks and three finishers. Each of these consumes space on an overhead meter corresponding to their strength, and the meter depletes over time. While it seems pretty complicated, it's not as bad as all that. You can seriously just mash the Jab key and do almost as much damage as Vinceborg. The only thing that keeps Cyberdwarf from being a better fighter than Barkley is his lack of offensive skillz.



Compared to the rest of the group, Cyberdwarf's victory pose is really bland. He just hops up and down, really.



No such luck.

The game misspells Mutombo's name so many times that I had to look up the proper spelling. For the record, it's "Dikembe Mutombo".



If you want the easy route, go left. I tried going right later, but... well, we'll get to that later.



Schweinehunds!

Whistles are annoying enough when paired with Ball Droids. When they're coupled with Dread Refs, that's a recipe for pain.



Let's not leave this to chance. Vinceborg, bust out the Refractor Beam.

HOO-AH! The Refractor Beam, although expensive, deals out a number of powerful hits at random to the enemies in the field. This one even manages to off one of the Dread Refs.



The Whistle pays us back in spades by self-destructing with Burst Airflow, putting Vinceborg on the ropes.



Balthios recovers just in time to put on a major smackdown.



Have a can of Thor-brand whoop-ass, pal!

Thunder Zauber differs from Ice Zauber in that it costs more and deals multiple hits of damage to enemies. I haven't decided which one is better for general usage, but then again, I'm no minmaxer.



Moving on, a mighty tremor and a haunting chant echo through the tomb.



More history lessons that are patently false? Yes please.



Here's what Snail Zauber looks like. Note the worthlessness involved as it only tags the bottom whistle. On the upside, that whistle barely does anything for the rest of the fight.



I notice that Barkley's health is a little low, so I have him show off the Vampslam.



He hovers over to his victim in a spoooooooooooky fashion, and slams the ball, draining their life. Not usually for very much, though. You're better off using Cyberdwarf's healing skillz.

-

I opt to have him punch things to death though.



More tremors and chanting!



We made it!

See, now this sounds like something that might be true (barring the whole Clispaeth thing).



Vinceborg sparks a bit at the mention of his name.



I think you got Mutombo's attention, Barkley.



With one final thunderous "BOOM-SHAKA-LAKA", Mutombo's spirit emerges to fight us!

Mutombo might share the same sprite as Kobe, but he's considerably tougher, even if his skill set is the same. Let's see if we can get Water Zauber to stick this time.



Gotcha! This should make things easier.



Oh, right, that pesky vitality thing. The first Balla Dash causes me to notice Barkley's grave condition, so I try a Vampslam for healing.



Vampslam sucks. Let's talk about REAL healing skillz.

Cyberdwarf starts with the three skillz shown here. Insulin Shot not only cure the Diabetes effect, but also renders you immune to it for the rest of the battle, which is invaluable in some fights, but useless here. Dwarven Touch is the lesser of his two healing moves, but it has the benefit of boosting a random stat as well as healing. Dwarf Knowledge, on the other hand, removes lowered stats and heals the target completely.



I opt for the former of the two, since the Vampslam kept Barkley away from the edge of defeat.



Balthios keeps up the pain with Thunder Zauber.



Damn it, fellas. Mutombo heals himself using Devolve. On the upside, he's stuck for another turn while he Evolves back to normal.



I use my free turn to do some damage and Flame Zauber him.



That's it, the extent of Mutombo's repertoire. He packs a kick with his one attack, but that's all he's got.



So to end the fight, let's talk about Cyberdwarf's attacks!

He can end a chain of attacks with one of three finishers. These finishers do no damage, but instead lower a stat. Shown here is the Toss finisher, which lowers Power. While they're the only ways to lower stats that don't cost BP, the finishers come at the cost of at least an extra two jabs at the end of a combo, and are rarely worth the trouble.

I like to think that Cyberdwarf's fighting style is a jab at the unnecessarily complex characters you sometimes find in RPGs. Sure, you can spend time advancing their incredibly unorthodox tactic, but why bother when hitting them works equally well?



I've been cheated!



Corpse looting! Now with more realism!





How so, captain?



Good times indeed!

Now for the blooper reel, i.e. "Kalir's Sense of Completion and Tendency to Run From Battles".



One of the first fights in the maze on the right end is against these three Dread Refs and their pal Ned. I attempt to run from the fight, during which I get hit a lot. Note that Balthios has a mild case of death.



Three seconds after I run away, the enemies catch up to me and I'm farther behind than when I started.



I try to make lemonade by showing off the Holy Slam.



It does a single hit of decent damage, but honestly, the cost is so completely out there that you'd have to spend some other characters' turn feeding him BP replenishing items if you want to get any actual mileage out of it.



TAKE THAT YA POT-BELLIED LARDASS



At least everyone hits level 5 from this. Balthios picks up the stat-draining Muscle Zauber skill, and Cyberdwarf gets Glaucoma Touch, which probably cures Glaucoma for the whole party or something.



SCREW THIS. I'm going back to the fork. This update is huge anyway.

-

We give the Femur to the dog, who breaks character to demand it from us.



Damn ungrateful mutt.



At least we got these awesome Air Barkleys! Check out that speed boost!



Oh, just what I need after being murdered by chainsaw zombie refs. Some god damned animal people harshing me. BACK OFF, STUMPY.



My sentiments exactly.

So what was at the end of that left fork that I missed way back before?



HOORAY!

Next Time: Jammed By The Man

You know, just when I don't think this game can get any weirder, it does. Exponentially.

No respect...

So, uh... what was I supposed to be doing again?



No, that's not it, but I haven't talked to any of these guys so I might as well. Plus, this one has a portrait.



Oh, right! Getting to the church to save Hoopz!



Fortunately, the route there is super-short. Just go up and then left and you'll be here.



This takes us right outside of the church. In we go!



Are we too late?



Damn it, I knew I shouldn't have spent so much time on backtracking and sidequests! GOD DAMNED ANIMAL PEOPLE!



Aw man. Basketball Jesus indeed.



In the middle of the confrontation, Hoopz turns and prays at the altar.



Cyberdwarf is surprised by this course of action, but before he can react further, Vinceborg starts going weird again.





Aw man. This isn't good.



This REALLY isn't good.



Let's do this!



A climactic battle against both of Michael Jordan and Vinceborg 2050!

Two things need to be addressed before the battle starts.

1. Yes, Jordan's sprite is a recolor of Michael Jackson.

2. The music for this fight may be familiar to those of you who played Blue Dragon. For those that have not, listen to it during this update. It is ridiculously cheesy. We're talking Tenacious D levels of cheese here.



In any event, let's put this new Zauber skill to use.

I KURSE YOU!

Muscle Zauber loads a single enemy with like a billion stat debuffs. It's pretty expensive, but using this neutralizes the threat Vinceborg poses for the remainder of the fight. You should always open up tough boss battles with at least one shot of this move.



Focus your attacks on Jordan first. Vinceborg has the same moves as he had in your party, including his Recharge ability, so you'll want to save him for last. Jordan starts the battle with the Defy Clispaeth move, which raises his Guard. His other moves are all attack moves, but he doesn't have anything that really stands out as dangerous.



I forgot to screenshot any of Jordan's moves here, though, mostly because they all have fast animations.

Balthios keeps up the support with Flame Zauber.



Unlike when he was on your team, Vinceborg doesn't change targets with his default laser. Instead, he can only hit multiple foes with the Refractor Beam.



As long as you've got your characters decently equipped and leveled, this fight isn't too bad. Note that I outfitted Barkley with a Spiked B-Ball. Yes, it is extremely improbable.



And Thunder Zauber takes down Jordan.



I fatfingered this move when trying to heal Cyberdwarf. I'm probably never going to use this aside from here, so uh... enjoy?



With Jordan out of the picture, you're more or less free to whale on Vinceborg.



His attacks still sting, but with the Muscle Zauber debuffs in place, he's pretty much already done for.



Fun fact: when using Dwarven Touch or other healing skillz on allies, Cyberdwarf stands in front of them and fires a beam of cyberdwarf energy at them. Here, though, he just advances, poses, and is healed.



The finishing blow!



Who rocks? We rock.



Drink it in, pal. That's how failure tastes.

And then he runs for it.



Vinceborg takes his leave as well.



And he's gone. We'll be seeing both of them again, I know it.

But hey, we did it! Hoopz is safe!



It wasn't without a cost, though.



Looks like Larry hung in there during our fight.







Unfortunately, he's had all he can take.



The group can do nothing more for Larry, so they head back to Cyberdwarf's House to sort things out.





Yeah, we need to get things figured out here.

Well, those odds aren't good. On the one hand, Jordan and the B-Ball Removal Department, as well as most of the world at large, wants our head on a stick. On the other hand, B.L.O.O.D.M.O.S.E.S. is up to no good and they're trying to kill Hoopz for whatever reason as well.



Forge a b-ball? I don't think that's how it works, man.



Incidentally, one of the language eccentricies Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden does is to make up acronyms that don't actually stand for anything. F.A.T.E. doesn't have any relevance in the story beyond this point, from what I recall.



Oh yeah, we saved Hoopz. And as such, he joins the party.



Hoopz, being a black kid from an urban area, fights with gun's and breakdancing. He also rollerblades around. He plays like a speed-oriented version of Barkley, but he shares his main weakness in that his skills are usually too expensive for his meager BP to be of any real use.

I find it hilariously incongruous that Hoopz is characterized as the epitome of innocence, but he still carries and is skilled with gun's.



We can talk to the party here, so let's get that out of the way.

Why is he trying to kill Hoopz, anyway? I don't think the game ever specified just what being "the one" entailed.



Hoopz is considerably less concerned about that, though.

Cyberdwarf's got a one track mind over here.



I head to the shop to get Hoopz some good equipment.



sellan stuf

Note that the game left us with Vinceborg's equipment. I really like this touch, since so many games just make betraying characters keep their equipment. In a worst-case scenario, they even use that powerful equipment against you. This leads players who know the betrayal is coming to unequip said character before that battle, which not only lets them sell that equipment, but also deprives that boss fight of any challenge whatsoever in some cases.



On the way out, we get called to by someone.



Oh, it's this guy.



Uh... yay?

I like how that Huckleberry Hound guy is just ambling around between us during this cutscene.



And with that, Zalatar heads off into the distance.



Don't look at me, man.

And nothing of value was lost.

Actually, I think we hang on to the Turkey Feather, but for all the good it does us, it's basically dead weight.



Wait, what the--



I can't move! I'm trapped by Huckleberry Hound!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Yeah, slight bug here: since NPCs move around during cutscenes, they can even block off the actors in a given cutscene. One example I didn't show off was the vulture blocking the south exit: if you talked to him from the right, he would walk against you for a while but remain stuck in place. In this case, since the hitbox of Barkley and Frank overlap, we get locked in place and have no choice but to reset. Which is kinda hilarious if you think about it. At least I saved just beforehand.



Anyway, heading up and to the right takes us to a larger area of the sewers.



Have I mentioned that I suck at healing after fights? Cuz I do.



Anyway, here's Hoopz's attack options. Accurate Shot has like no chance of missing, Rapid Shot works like Free Throw and lets you hit five different targets, and Mega Shot is a charge attack. Hoopz is probably the only non-Vinceborg character for whom all of his normal attacks are at least partially useful.



Here's the charge meter for Mega Shot. You ideally want that red line to hit the black outline. If it goes too far, the gun jams.



Here's Rapid Shot. The ammo counter displays how many shots we have left, and we can freely switch targets in between shots. The damage is kinda low, though.

Accurate Shot has a cursor move out from Hoopz towards the enemy. You want to fire when the cursor passes over the enemy, obviously, but I prioritized screenshotting the attack over timing it well.



Naturally, his victory pose involves breakdancing.



There's a ladder leading to a small room in the lower left corner of this map.



Aside from this treasure chest, there's also a note here. Let's give it a look.

This is actually halfway relevant for the upcoming area, but we'll tackle that next update.



Here's what a perfectly timed Mega Shot is capable of. Hoopz might not have much in the way of skillz, but his basic attacks are still pretty dang good.



Moving on, we find another door.



This leads to an underground tunnel with this locked door. According to the guy on the right, we need a key from Cu Chulainn's tomb to open it? Dude I have no idea where that is. Is that even on the same continent? Spoiler: This is actually a jab at games that like to hide insignificant stuff like this early in the game with the unlocking factor being put somewhere in the late game. I have no intention of backtracking all the way here once I get the relevant item, and there might not even be any merit to it.



Welp, here's the truck pump. YOU ALL KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!

Next Time: Slamming Past the Blockade

I hope that each future location adds yet another increasingly ludicrous modifier to that name. (Alternatively, a visit to Bengloarafurd Ford.)

Huckleberry Raine Dog?! This game is nuts.

Heh heh heh. Gun's.

You'll be a disgrace to your profession if you don't do this. Not like I have any room to talk.

oh man, hoopz is the kid from streets of rage 2.