The Mad Scientist Dr. Wily are worried that his robot masters are watching too much Earth television, most notably station KID-TV's interview with Santa Claus in his workshop at Earth's North Pole.
Consulting the ancient 800-year-old Martian sage Chochem (a Yiddish/Hebrew word meaning "sage", though pronounced differently from the film's version, though in Yiddish sometimes used ironically for "fool"), they are advised that the robot masters are growing distracted due to the society's overly rigid structure. From infancy, all their education is fed into their brains through machines and they are not allowed individuality or freedom of thought.
Chochem notes that he had seen this coming "for centuries" and says that the only way to help the children is to allow them their freedom and be allowed to have fun. To do this, Dr. Wily needs a Santa Claus figure, like the North Pole. Leaving Chochem's cave, the mad scientist decide to abduct Santa Claus from the North Pole and bring him to the Skull Castle.
Dr. Wily cannot distinguish between all the fake Santas, so they kidnap two children to find the real one. Once this is accomplished, one Robot Master, who strongly disagrees with the idea, repeatedly tries to kill Santa Claus along with the two kidnapped Earth children. He believes that Santa is corrupting the robots of the Skull Castle and turning them away from Dr. Wilys' original glory.
When they arrive in the Skull Castle, Santa and the children build a factory to make weapons for the robot masters. However, Protoman and his assistants, Enker and Sigma, sabotage the factory and change its programming so that it makes the toys incorrectly. Meanwhile, Mega Man, Dr. Lights assistant, who has taken a great liking to Santa Claus and Christmas, puts on one of Santa's spare suits and starts acting like Santa Claus. He goes to the toy factory to make toys, but Wily mistakes him for Santa and kidnaps him.
When Santa and the children come back to the factory to make more toys, they discover that someone has tampered with the machines. Enker and Sigma come back to the factory to make a deal with Dr. Wily, but when they see the real Santa Claus, they realize that their plan has been foiled. Mega Man, held hostage in a cave, tricks his guard and escapes. Dr. Wily then destroys Protoman, Sigma, and Enker. Santa notices that Mega Man acts like him and says that Mega Man would make a good robotic Santa Claus. Dr. Wily agrees, and threatens to kill Santa with an unstoppable robot army
Ahh, the middle of November. A time when we all collectively sigh with relief that Dracula has returned to the grave, the Nog Rivers run clear as their bounty has been redirected to grocery store shelves, rich misers are careful not to mix mustard, cheese and beef out of fear of being haunted and DR. WILY HAS ATTACKED THE NORTH POLE WITH AN ARMY OF EVIL ROBOT MASTERS!
That's right, it's the Festival of Fights, the Most Secular Time of Year and Talking Times favorite Winter tradition; MEGAMAS! A time when we all come together and BREAK ROBOTS APART! It's a tradition I started when I was a little scamp and haven't stopped even though I'm now an ENORMOUS scamp!
Santa Claus has a crippling fear of automation, and this has extended to an unbreakable ROBOT TERROR, if we can't collectively destroy 800 Evil Robot Masters (or their nearest equivalents) between us, he'll be too traumatized to even crawl out from under his bed, where he feels safest to make any toy deliveries so Christmas Will be Cancelled! And the kids were all so good this year too!
That's pretty straightforward, but maybe you have some questions that need answering! Let's see if I can't predict and address them!
Q: What's counts as a Mega Man game?
A: If you consult the food pyramid, you'll see that a Mega Man game is defined as "Any Video Game That Looks Like Mega Man if You Squint", so Mega Man? That's a Mega Man game. Shovel Knight? That's a Mega Man game? Gravity Circuit? Batboy? Krion Conquest? One Step From Eden? Gunvolt? All Mega Mens
Q: Well wait a second, what's a Robot Master then? Is it just a level boss? What about, like, big weird tanks or whatever?
A: Generally, as per the instructions of most biblical scholars, a Robot Master is a thematic boss at the end of a level who offers a thematically appropriate ability when you clear the level, but you listen to your heart; if a boss feels Like a Robot Master, it counts.
Q: Well what about when a boss comes back? You can't be surprised when that happens; it's a Mega Man like game for crying out loud!
A: Generally, we're looking at counting a boss once per game UNLESS the rematch is drastically different on the next go-around, then you can count it twice. The main exception is the Doc Robot in Mega Man 3, since that would mean we'd cross the finish line *way* too fast.
Q: What Robot Master Weapon is Most effective against The Grinch
A: The Grinch was canonically defeated when his heart grew three sizes too big, which is a condition caused by high blood pressure. One cause of that is a lack of physical activity, and, of the Robot Masters, Astro Man is the one who sits around on a big floating orb instead of walking so, therefor, the Astro Crush is the weapon that works best against The Grinch
Well, those are all the questions I was posed; so Good Megamas to all, and to all an Everlasting Fight
