Two will enter, one will leave: The Thunderdome Thunderdome

[YangusKhan]

Mad Max can beat a dog, you guys. He just can. He might have a dog friend in The Road Warrior but that doesn't mean he wouldn't kill a dog if it was life or death.

Miles O'Brien wins against Rincewind. Miles can at least hold his own in a fist fight. And even if Rincewind were to cause some unfortunate magic anomaly thing, Miles is also a Starfleet engineer who has plenty of experience dealing with anomalies.

Darkwing beats Shaq because, like Torzelbaum said, he has better hitboxes and more special moves.

 

[Olli]

I think Max would just refuse to fight a dog. Despite being a half-crazed survivor in a postapocalyptic wasteland, he's a hero from a storytelling era where good guys had unshakeable core morals, and hurting a dog just isn't a thing he would consent to. He might blow a guy's head off for hurting a dog, but Caesar wins by default.

O'Brien vs Rincewind is a tough call at first. Neither of them has any notable offensive power. How I see it going: Rincewind's natural ability to disturb systems kicks the bout off and mechanical mayhem ensues. O'Brien counters with his ability to (barely) keep things running, but while he's knee-deep in plasma coils, Rincewind is able to sneak in a mortal blow with a half-brick in a sock ("it kills people, but leaves buildings standing").

For the last bout, I'm going to say Shaq just because he is slightly more likely to use lethal force.

 

[Kirin]

Once again I'm gonna put down my first impressions before reading what everyone else has to say...

Match 1: I mean, if Caesar had his army, sure, Max can be worn down by superior numbers, but this is one on one, and I think Max is agile and crafty enough to avoid getting taken out by a dog he knows is coming, even if the dog is really good at combat. Though since it's a good dog and not an asshole human, I think Max would go for non-lethal methods in hopes that they could team up afterward.

Match 2: Hmm, tough one. Neither of them would really want a fight. I'm thinking Rincewind would try to conjure some way out of the situation which would immediately backfire and make things exponentially worse. O'Brien then goes into engineer-brain fix-it mode on whatever happened, just to try to keep any bystanders from getting hurt. This wears him down, and meanwhile Rincewind comes out completely unscathed for some comical reason, and wins on a technicality when O'Brien is too tired to continue.

Match 3: Shaq's a physical bruiser, Darkwing has all kinds of gadgets to help when he's physically outmatched and is used to incapacitating big goons and the like. I'm not saying Shaq is just a goon, he'd put up a good fight, but eventually the gas or some other clever trap would put him down for the count, so the Duck takes it.

 

[RT-55J]

trying to find tier lists for Shaq Fu and the first result on google puts Shaq at D tier --- though the page provides no elaboration, criteria, methodology, background, or source.

the page for the game on the SNES fighting game wiki has an nearly empty tier list saying "Coming Soon," but with Shaq at the bottom in a tier labeled "Shaq." the page has not been updated since 2021

Shaq Fu - Super Fighting Wiki

newchallenger.net

i have a sneaking shaq-spicion that Shaq Fu might not be a legitimate martial art

 

[Mogri]

Final day!

 

[Johnny Unusual]

Max is a decent fighter but really his skill is surviving. But I don't think he can defeat this highly trained good boy, though it would be close.

I guess Rincewind? He would try to run away, O'Brien might try to catch him with the teleporter and then some wild wacky stuff will happen. In the end, they become decent friends. After all, he might be a coward but the choice not to fight is pretty respectable in the federation.

Shaq fought a mummy, a witch, a ghoul, a cat girl. Impressive enough. But Darkwing, despite being a more comedic hero, is a competent one. Unlike a lot of wacky superheroes, his weakness isn't foolishness so much as being overly egotistical and insecure, causing him to make bad decisions. But when push comes to shove, he overcomes this weakness and defeats his foes. Granted, Shaq isn't someone who is going to threaten anything much bigger than his ego but I think Darkwing can pull through here.

 

[Torzelbaum]

Nothing to add about the current fights but I did just think of a couple of entrants who really could have caused a lot of problems:

• Ewoks
• Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo

 

[RT-55J]

Okay, my thoughts:

Darkwing Duck beats Shaq because Shaq Fu is not a real martial art.

If a dog were intent on harming him, Mad Max wouldn't be hesitant to protect himself. Sorry folks.

Rincewind's only (and main?) advantage in a fight would be that his attempts at magic would be much more likely to just break O'Brien's technology rather than augment it, since sufficiently advanced technology is practically magic. Miles would probably just leave the venue in exasperation after catching wind of Rince's gimmick, thereby disqualifying himself, but they would certainly enjoy some nice drinks together afterwards.

 

[Mogri]

Mad Max can't bring himself to defeat Caesar.
O'Brien suffers a tragic mishap just before fighting Rincewind.
Darkwing Duck gets dangerous on Shaq.

vs

​

Inframan (The Super Inframan)

Seems to be Ultraman by way of China, up to and including the "grow to kaiju size" power. Here is the text of the "Heroes Wiki" article on Inframan -- interpret it how you will.

Personality
Infaman is a determinable superhero, who is destined

Powers and Abilities
Combat Empowerment - Inframan becomes stronger, faster, more durable, etc. when they come in contact with battle/fight, possibly unlocking abilities related to the affinity and enhancing the existing powers. Some users may be able draw sustenance from the fighting or even slow or stop aging.

Power Infusion - are able to fuse themselves with a power/creature inside object, beings or powers to combine their physical attributes with that of the creature or power. The complete acceptance and reliability of the contained power or creature are sometimes required to initiate the ability itself. The ending result being the user becoming many times more powerful and achieving enormous levels of energy. Users will gain markings on their bodies, and will also gain weapons to use.

Gamera (Heisei Trilogy)

Guardian kaiju. Able to spit plasma fireballs, high plasma fireballs, and ultimate plasma fireballs. Covered in a defensive shell and capable of quick regeneration (though perhaps not quick enough to matter in this setting). Unexpectedly, Gamera can fly: he has a jet-like High Mobility flight mode, where he looks like a sea turtle, and an offensive Rotating Disc flight mode, where he looks like a spinning chakram. Of course, he can also swim very quickly and is amphibious.

vs

​

Haruko Haruhara

Alien space cop. Haruko rides a magical flying Vespa and wields an indestructible magical electric guitar. She's inhumanly quick and inhumanly strong.


Malenia, Blade of Miquella (Elden Ring)

The hardest boss in a game about fighting hard bosses. She recovers health with each attack she lands, even attacks that are blocked, and one of her signature moves, Waterfowl Dance, is basically undodgeable. Of course, depleting her health will trigger an even harder phase 2, where she retains Waterfowl Dance and opens with Scarlet Aeonia, an attack that hits almost the entire battlefield.



That's it for this bracket, since we're almost at the end of round 1!

Votes due by end of day Tuesday, September 26.

 

[Torzelbaum]

Here is the text of the "Heroes Wiki" article on Inframan -- interpret it how you will.

I don't know what the people who write articles for the "Heroes Wiki" are smoking but those are not Infra-Man's powers.

Here are his powers as documented in the movie.

 

[Purple]

I have to give it to off-brand Godzilla over off-brand Ultraman. I guess I have to also rationalize this so uh... experience. Gamera has put way more giant weirdos down than this one-hit wonder, and that practice means something.

And... I haven't played Elden Ring, but I have seen FLCL and ultimately I know this here very annoying girl is reliant on some loser kid's puberty metaphor to fight her battles, and Souls games have modes where you can bring in back up when a boss is too hard, so needs backup vs. opponents need backup means Malenia it is.

 

[Johnny Unusual]

Yep Gamera is the Tokusatsu hero who has both size and experience. He wins this one.

It's been a long time since I've seen FLCL and I never played a Souls-type so I need some time with this one. I'll probably listen to other people before I make a decision here. That said, I remember Haruki being good at dodging a bunch of bullets in that episode where he fights the army of the eyebrows guy. So maybe she can escape deadly swordplay.

 

[Torzelbaum]

Guy who can grow to giant size and has a weakness to ice / being frozen versus giant turtle that has a weakness to ice / being frozen (sometimes?):
So based on the evidence available I don't think Infra-Man can use most of his powers after growing. And he also might have a limit for how long he can stay in that form. When he grew to giant size he only used martial arts attacks and had to use the environment to finish off his giant foe / force it back to regular size. Inframan is still very agile in giant form and might be able to use Erupting Bullet(s) and Guided Kick in that state. In order to win a fight against Gamera I think Inframan would need to dodge fireballs, flame breath and disc mode attacks. I think he could dodge those and counter-attack with his Bullets and or Kick. Also, I think Inframan could block or evade close range bites and claw attacks then counter-attack. In order for his attacks to be effective Inframan would have to hit Gamera's vulnerable underbelly. (Is Gamera's head vulnerable? I have seen that his limbs are vulnerable to attacks.)

If Inframan starts running out of minitaure sets transformation / growth time then he might be forced to get more aggressive and I think Gamera can just turtle up or fly away and wait him out. Inframan is my guy but unfortunately I don't think he'll be able to quickly and consistently do enough damage to win the fight before Gamera knocks him out. Inframan is just far better suited and equipped for battling human-sized opponents and has really only defeated one lackey monster that was able to grow to kaiju size. About the only way I think Inframan could win is if the battlefield restricted Gamera's flight but not Inframan's evasive maneuvers and if it had something Inframan could use to deliver a KO with (like a large tower or a big pointy stalagmite that he could impale Gamera on).

So in conclusion:
Gamera is really neat.
Gamera is someone who Infra-Man can't beat.
Gamera wins.

(Maybe they can become friends and team up against a bigger threat once the dome is over.)

 

[Torzelbaum]

(Note: FLCL can be pretty horny so consider the following links to be NSFW.)

Haruki being good at dodging a bunch of bullets in that episode where he fights the army of the eyebrows guy

Including bullets fired at her from point-blank range. (Action start about 30 seconds in.)

And Haruko is not only good at dodging but she can also withstand a lot of punishment even when she is hit. But her durability seems to rely on the rules of comedy and drama more than anything else.

 

[Torzelbaum]

battle of women who fight by swinging something:
I'm not sure why these two would even fight in the first place but I could see Haruko making some wild assumption, flying off the handle and then there is a big misunderstanding which results in the two of them fighting.

So for this battle I'm going to assume that Malenia's video game boss restrictions / forced patterns will be lifted / removed to make this an even fight. I think this will be a tough fight for Haruko and she will take quite a few hits before she finally realizes that she needs to focus more on dodging / blocking and keeping her distance in order to win. Haruko can be pretty rash, stubborn, impulsive and gung-ho but she's not a complete moron so I think she will modify her strategy (after taking enough lumps). Haruko's guitar can also fire bullets / projectiles and I don't think Milenia has any long range attacks so that is another thing that I think Haruko can use to her advantage. No matter what this is going to be a long, hard knock-down, drag-out fight but I think Haruko can get enough bonks and blasts in to pull out the win. (But this is another match that could go either way.)

reliant on some loser kid's puberty metaphor to fight her battles

I think that is usually only the case when she is fighting giant robots but I could be wrong.

FLCL link, same warning as above:
guitar

 

[Olli]

Haruko seems to be exactly the kind of hero that takes out Hard Bosses. Not the strongest, but agile and able to find weak spots.

Gamera is a legend. Inframan would probably put up a show, but he'd need to get a second attempt to be able to figure out a tactic for such a fearsome opponent, and second chances aren't being handed out this time.

 

[Torzelbaum]

second chances aren't being handed out this time.

But this is a double-elimination tournament...

 

[Mogri]

Last day for the penultimate bracket of round 1!

 

[YangusKhan]

Gamera wins against Infra-Man. I don't know how tokusatsu heroes typically defeat kaiju, but I imagine even though he can transform to an equivalent giant size, that transformation is limited. Meaning he only has a small window where he can actually beat Gamera and I just don't think that's gonna happen.

The second match is a tough one. I think Haruko ultimately takes the win because of her agility and capability to dodge. I would bet Haruko is just as strong as the Tarnished, so she's good on the offense front, and really Malenia is only hard because dodging in a video game is hard. Without the limitation of being in a video game, Haruko should be able to dodge her attacks.

 

[Kirin]

I'm gonna pass on this round - pretty sure I'd end up voting for the ones who are already winning by a good margin and I'm not familiar enough with 3/4 or them to offer any insightful arguments.

 

[Mogri]

Infra-Man can't make any headway against Gamera's many flavors of fireball.
Haruko shows her dodge-roll prowess against Malenia.

vs

​

Steel (Sapphire & Steel)

Superhero from an early '80s British TV series, possibly extraterrestrial. Steel can freeze himself to absolute zero, giving him the ability to destroy Time remnants. He also has superhuman strength and durability as well as psychic powers.


GLaDOS (Portal)

Malevolent AI who manifests as a series of robotic appendages. She controls the Aperture Science Enrichment Center, which means the entire facility is effectively an appendage as well. Aperture Science has luckily never heard of cloud computing, so GLaDOS can be defeated by destroying all of her hardware... provided you're thorough.

vs

​

Homer Simpson (The Simpsons)

I don't believe there's anything I can tell Talking Time about Homer that you don't already know.


Michael Scott (The Office)

Office manager at the Dunder-Mifflin Paper Company. Michael Scott was an excellent salesman before being promoted out of his wheelhouse. Since then, he has not been the world's best boss.



This is the final bracket of round 1!

Votes due by end of day Friday, September 29.

 

[RT-55J]

I don't have a firm understanding of Steel's powers and such, but just from that description alone I think Steel would be able to win an attritional fight against GlaDoS, who doesn't have that much in the way of offensive capabilities.

As for the second match-up, I firmly believe that Michael Scott has one of the lowest power levels in this entire tournament. Even Flik or Speedy Eggbert would be able to win against him handily. Even ignoring Homer's superior speed, strength, and endurance, I think he could possibly even use his training as a safety inspector to create a hazardous area that he could lure Michael into. I don't know how much it would be against the natural order of things for Homer to be the smarter person in the room, but even in terms of intellect he'd win out. Really, the only way I can see him losing here is if his loss is self-inflicted for comedic reasons.

 

[Johnny Unusual]

Steel has a good shot here. Steel is very much from the Doctor Who school of adventure. Despite his wide rather of invaluable powers he's rarely battling, instead using them to problem solve. His enemies are usually "ghosts" which are actually cosmic horrors that live beyond time and enter our time stream through anachronisms.

So like Dr Who problem solving can get pretty talky. If anything, I didn't have high hope going into this tourney: a lot of super powered straight on fighters can beat him. But an enemy that's problem makers like GLaDos and machine parts that can be exploited by absolute zero and low level telekinesis (to mess with her inner workings) means Steel is probably going to win.

Homer's ability to fight is often dependent on the episode. Sometimes he's quick to tire out, sometimes he's a big fat dynamo. But consistently, when motivated he willingness literally throw his whole self into a fight. Homer wins against the self sabotaging Micheal

 

[Purple]

I feel like I'd need to watch at least one episode of some obscure British show to confirm my gut check that yeah some guy from one of those probably has the basic puzzle solving inclination to deal with GlaDOS within the time it takes for deadly neurotoxin to be released, but will refrain from hard committing there unless I get super bored and someone has a link or something.

Meanwhile, Homer can, in fact, actually fight. And find the motivation to do so even.

 

[Torzelbaum]

Rasputin's got the reach, but on the other hand, the Professor's got his patented coma lock.

If you ask me, this is going to be one helluva match.

Here's what I was able to extract from Wikipedia about Steel's powers:

Steel can freeze himself to absolute zero. Another character can act as needed insulation when he does that. [A possible limit on his ability to do that solo?]

He has "telekinetic" powers : paralyzing gaze, bare-handed welding and deadbolt-opening.

He has great strength. (He once tied metal lift cables into knots.) He is also somewhat invulnerable. [To what? Are there examples?]

He is able to teleport a long distance.

The TV series does not state or show what limits exist (if any) for his skills.

 

[Johnny Unusual]

I feel like I'd need to watch at least one episode of some obscure British show to confirm my gut check that yeah some guy from one of those probably has the basic puzzle solving inclination to deal with GlaDOS within the time it takes for deadly neurotoxin to be released, but will refrain from hard committing there unless I get super bored and someone has a link or something.

Someone uploaded each story arc on youtube. If you are super bored and have a LOT of time on your hands, I'd recommend Assignment 4.(this is actually one of the shorter ones at 1 hour 39 minutes). It's got a creepy monster and I like that a lot off the time, the endings of Sapphire and Steel often end a bit darker than Doctor Who. Sapphire and Steel want to save humanity but there are a lot of people who aren't entirely saved by the end of their stories.

I also just love the intro.

They did try to do a reboot of this show by the creator of Luther but apparently the fact that it's popularity is more niche meant it couldn't get the Dr. Who treatment.

 

[Torzelbaum]

guys with wildly varying levels of skill, smarts and luck who are prominent if not always main characters in the sitcoms they're in:
I don't know why but I'm just not sure about handing Homer the win here. Is Michael the kind of guy who thinks he can win a physical fight without even knowing who his opponent is and thus would sign up for this without a moment's hesitation? Would he think Homer is out of shape but then be surprised by how well Homer can fight (especially if Homer's allowed to fight dirty)? Would Michael change tactics and try to talk his way out of the fight or distract Homer (maybe by trying to get Homer to work for Dunder Mifflin)? Would Homer be too dumb to actually fall for that or would he be hit by one of his rare moments of shrewdness and see through the ruse? What would be the outcome that is most appropriately funny for the different styles of humor that rule their lives? How many questions can I ask here?

Maybe an aLien versus definitely an AI (but maybe more?):
GLaDOS is used to "testing" people with only limited and known tech at their disposal. And yet she still was defeated by one human test subject's sheer tenacity. Unless GLaDOS is able to pull out some of the more esoteric and dangerous Aperture Science technology I don't think there's much she can do to Steel. With nothing posing much of a threat to him I think he might play along for a little while in order to figure out what GLaDOS's deal is but I think he'll realize what her actual game is fairly quickly. Once he knows what's really going on he'll be able to start using his powers to either escape outright or stymie and frustrate GLaDOS to the point that she just gives up. Steel passes the test here.

 

[Olli]

Thinking of the basketball episode from the first season of The Office, one way Michael could easily claim a win would be to call an imaginary violation of the rules, but there are no rules in the Thunderdome. Another way would be to somehow evade and outlast Homer's admittedly low stamina, but I wouldn't put it past Homer (who can be crazy... like a fox) to play possum and grab Michael while he closes in for the coup de grace. Once Homer gets his hands on Michael, he can use his weight and strength to end the fight quickly.

Also, the others outlined the GLaDOS vs Steel match pretty well already. GLaDOS is deadly, but she's not the sharpest AI in the shed, so a lateral-thinking problem-solver with any amount of offensive or utility power can ultimately outwit her. Steel wins.

 

[Kirin]

Yeah, I'm not making any waves in this match. Though this is the first I've heard of him, it seems likely enough that Steel can outwit GLaDOS eventually, and if he has built-in teleportation that'll just make it all the quicker as it defangs many of her tricks and traps.

Also hard to imagine an incompetent boss managing to come out on top of Homer.

 

[Torzelbaum]

What would be the outcome that is most appropriately funny for the different styles of humor that rule their lives?

I think I've finally figured out an end to Mr. S versus Mr. S that makes sense and which I don't feel too dissatisfied with.

Homer comes out swinging and hits Michael. The hit doesn't put Michael down but it does mildly hurt him and greatly scare him so he starts running away from Homer. An enraged Homer gives chase but quickly tires out. Michael comes closer to finish Homer off but first he taunts Homer for being fat / out of shape. This enrages Homer even more and he lashes out with a wild haymaker. The punch misses and Homer spins himself around. Michael closes in but before he can do anything a dizzy and exhausted Homer falls over and knocks both of them down. Homer is unconscious and Michael asks the ref if he has won but also starts yelling that he is being crushed and finding it hard to breathe. The ref judges that to be a move that Homer is applying and starts a count / asks Michael if he wants to give up. Michael refuses for a couple of seconds but then quickly changes his mind and taps out. An unconscious but victorious Homer is rolled off of Michael and then dragged off the field by the Dome staff. Michael gets to his feet and tries to brush off his loss with a quip or inspirational speech which falls flat but which he thinks was a rousing success.