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Absurd Extracts: What Is the "Best" Post?

lincolnic

can stop, will stop
(he/him)
It's also wild how he doesn't understand that if his daughter is a talented enough artist to make more money than both parents put together, she can also make money drawing things that aren't furry porn if she chooses to.

The only logical conclusion here is that furry porn is the only art this man has ever seen.
 
The only logical conclusion here is that furry porn is the only art this man has ever seen.
Disagree. That assumes the father is a purely rational and logical actor himself, which is clearly not the case. What's more likely, is that the dad is extremely disinterested in his daughter's life and well being, and didn't pay attention to his daughter's art until he saw something that he wildly objected to and is now stuck in his mind as being emblematic of what she does. It's like how all anime = tentacle porn to some people. Like bitch pls, you've definitely seen lots of anime that has nothing to do with that, but you're letting the worst example of something represent everything because of how incredibly biased and irrational you are.
 

q 3

here to eat fish and erase the universe
(they/them)
Better to yiff in hell than serve in Starbucks.
 

Becksworth

Aging Hipster Dragon Dad
Just my parental perspective, but I can understand the desire for my child to have a stable, reliable source of income, and let’s be real, doing commissions on the internet isn’t that.

That said, if my child was making more than my wife and I combined without a college education, I’d recommend them invest it first over more schooling.
 

LBD_Nytetrayn

..and his little cat, too
(He/him)
That said, if my child was making more than my wife and I combined without a college education, I’d recommend them invest it first over more schooling.
This.

And I question how stable anything that isn't basically just "being rich" really is these days.
 

Büge

Arm Candy
(she/her)
 

Zef

Find Your Reason
(He/Him)
Each of those provinces killed me so much harder than the previous, I am now a smoking scorch mark on the floor.
 

Issun

Let's 90s gaming
So many thoughts and emotions right now. Apparently you can be angry and laughing at the same time.
 

Ludendorkk

(he/him)
It's also wild how he doesn't understand that if his daughter is a talented enough artist to make more money than both parents put together, she can also make money drawing things that aren't furry porn if she chooses to.

I don't think you understand how lucrative the furry circuit is lol

(I've heard it repeatedly from artist friends: not only are a lot of furries loaded, but they are the group most likely to actually pay their commissions on time and in full)
 

Tegan

dirtbag lesbian
(She/Her)
Magic Even's Japanese name is a reference to the Attack on Pearl Harbor, a successful Japanese military strike during World War II. The "even" numbers of damage in the Poké-Body acknowledge that from a Japanese point of view. The same reference is also applied in the counterpart Mr. Mime in the set, but of a Japanese defeat instead. It is no surprise that Nintendo altered the names during translation, as it references war and takes an arguably biased viewpoint of pivotal battles in the context of the Poké-Body effect.
 

Tegan

dirtbag lesbian
(She/Her)
A full explanation:
it's from the Bulbapedia entry for this Mr.Mime card. Its Poké-Body (the term used at the time for a passive skill that was always considered active) was called "Magic Evens" in English, but its Japanese name was "Pearl Barrier." Its counterpart card had a Poké-Body with a similar effect called "Magic Odds" which was originally called "Imphal Barrier," with the theme being that one card was a reference to a historical Japanese military victory and the other a historical defeat. It was... not in great taste
 

Tegan

dirtbag lesbian
(She/Her)
also LTTP on this one but I adore the dad who doesn't know how deep the furry porn rabbithole goes (and the daughter who knows exactly how deep rabbits' holes go)
 
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Sprite

(He/Him/His)
All that stuff seems so irrelevant to me, just harped on to give people a reason to chastise others. What I took from this article is how nice it is to hear that he’s noticeably happier to everyone else. I have to admit that I find it odd that this article has about two or three pronouns per sentence for some reason. It’s like an ally who can’t get over whatever factor is causing someone’s marginalization and needs to talk about it as much as the bigots, often more.
From a comment section talking about Elliot Page. Of all the accusations of performative wokeness I’ve seen, “too many pronouns in a sentence” might be my favorite.
 

q 3

here to eat fish and erase the universe
(they/them)
My pronouns are Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.
 

q 3

here to eat fish and erase the universe
(they/them)
Bison is the noun, M. is the adjective. Authentic Bisons come from the M. region of France, otherwise they're just sparkling buffalo.
 

Zef

Find Your Reason
(He/Him)
Who ever made Baba Yaga head of the neighborhood watch anyway, she never even goes to the meetings.
 

Peklo

Oh! Create!
(they/them, she/her)
Let me put it this way. There's 3 core concepts: Freedom, Justice, Efficiency. Multiply that by 2 core concepts of good vs evil. This is why 6 classes exist. The monks represent raw power and implicit needlessness, for liberty can impede responsibility. Perhaps you'd call that lawful evil? Now for their opposite: the white wizard. White wizards represent raw needlessness and implicit power, for responsibility can impede liberty. That's more like chaotic good. Actually, it wouldn't surprise me if arbitrary theoretical distinctions like this weren't based more on whether or not you think cats are holier than dogs or vice versa. For instance if a person goes outside and videotapes the police, does that make them self-ISH or self-LESS? Really makes you think about perspective, maybe. The knights represent raw honor and implicit fairness, for righteousness can interfere with trust. The red wizards represent raw fairness and implicit honor, for trust can interfere with righteousness. Here's a practical example. Say for instance you really wanted Bernie Sanders to run against Trump in 2020, but now you're forced to vote for Biden simply because you want to stop Trump. Isn't it kind of true that irregardless of whoever wins, that you still lose? Think about it: Democrats will be empowered off marginalizing you, and so will the Republicans irregardless of whoever wins! Also, assuming that Obama's presidency was the staging ground for people craving Trump, why is the solution suddenly to then demand Obama's VP? Politics is a perfect example of how no matter how much you compromise and negotiate, you'll almost always be worse off as a matter of principle. Somebody has to have a sense of humor and be bad. Is being a lawyer automatically more corrupt a profession than a priest? Surely there must be objective truth in this universe, but also some absolute mystery. With red mages, you don't know 100% what they're for exactly. It varies on the circumstances. Haste, temper, protera, and curaga are all genuinely useful, just as equipping maximillian, lightbringer, and master shield is really nice. That's why their class change penalty immunity should go to the knight, to fix that imbalance. And if ninjas are supposed to use flee, then knights should at least supposed to be using defend. Nobody uses defend because it's just dumb. Anyways, the last two pairs of opposite classes are the ninja and black wizard. One runs from the mobs, while the other farms them. What's really dumb is that all I have to do to turn my red wiz into a ninja is farm about 12 luck plus and use them on a class that really doesn't deserve them. But at least luck plus is sort of annoying and hard to grind, unless of course you do some research. Then you start to hate the idea of stat maxing and appreciate the flaws in FF1. Oh and as for the two concepts: self-sufficiency vs wastelessness. Potential can block independence and vice versa. You want to farm but then you hit 99, and now you only want to avoid farming as much as possible. So do these two not belong in the same party? Well.. you can repurpose the black wizard in boss fights too if you have a rune staff, since he gets high intelligence and good evasion and agility from lust dagger and what not. So, I think even [Knight, Ninja, Black Wiz, White Wiz] should be good if FF1 made the fixes that I suggested in this section (see previous few paragraphs).

Tell ya what- I'll just make a youtube video showcasing my save file and explaining what I think could be a version of FF1 that is 100x better. The story and the philosophy behind the class mechanics/balancing can be SO much better. Don't get me wrong- I love this game, but it's just a rough draft.

For example, the 4 elements is a misinterpration of 3 phases of matter: solid, liquid, and gas. Plasma (fire) is the same as lightning (charged vapor). If you want a REAL 4 elements you should base it off public/private multiplied by rich/poor. This would be 4 hubs, where you form your party by selecting a main character, and then choosing a hub to start your search for a new best friend.

Say for instance you pick the white mage as your starting character, then you should decide if your strategy is to become rich and famous, poor and famous, rich and secretive, or poor and secretive. These 4 completely different paths, and each permutation should dictate which new party mate you get to recruit. For instance, a white mage seeking to become poor and famous is going to inadvertently try and perform miracle healings as if they were the messiah. What type of a companion and story would that generate before the plot twists? Probably it would net you a black mage, right? The black mage would be from a cult of satan worshiping illuminati that wants to screw with your work or study the technological element of what makes miracle healing possible in order to somehow militarize immortality for achieving machine artificial sentience. You would think that being poor and famous would get a knight of Christ to befriend you, but the opposite would be true (matthew 23:27-28)! No, this black mage would be moved to permanently join your struggle as a result of having his life completely changed by witnessing the white mage's free public miracle healings. The black mage's cultist friends would publicly humiliate you by debunking you, using fake witnesses who falsely testify that they were hired by you to lie in order to help sell the immensely selfish delusion that you are what you claim. So now you're FORCED to pick a different route. Poor and famous is completed. Now you have to pick to either join the black mage's cult, expose that cult, or option three would be even more interesting- visit sick people in hospitals, heal them privately, and never ever gesture to any of them in the process. This would essentially create a mystery so compelling and unnerving that it would generate mass protests as people insist that the news and media are corrupt. And although there would be no award-winning documentary proving that you can heal people by performing miracles, there would instead be thousands of people all over the internet telling their stories about how the same mysterious man visited them, silently prayed for them, and left right before their incurable illnesses disappeared. You would have one or two extremely greedy looking people saying they were paid actors, while meanwhile the actual genuine honest witnesses would be in the thousands, where local churches would actually be swarmed with people complaining that their families are not paid charlatans! The illuminati would consider you too dangerous to be allowed to live, so they would hire a hitman to assassinate you- someone they know won't be turned as easily as the black mage was turned. So what would be your next party member? Simple- the knight. Now you'd get a knight to join you, because he'd be one of the thousands of men that was originally sick that you healed by visiting them. He would be the first person to ever technically save your life by taking a bullet for you. His debt to you would be repaid, and he will have earned your sacred trust as you essentially learn the full-life skill by reviving him from the dead, on live television no less. So now your party is: [White Mage, Black Mage, Warrior]. You have two hubs left to choose from, and they both involve how you intend to deal with the illuminati. You can either: take your party of 3 into one of the extraterrestrial technology reverse engineering labs such as area 51/s4 or whatever to fight them directly, OR you can rally the political protesters into forming their own Civil War where you establish an entirely new version of the United States where the 3 branches of government are replaced with ones about: truth, criticism, and corruption. It would be a country where instead of holding trials for law-breakers, you instead ruthlessly sic government sponsored journalists to dox them. They are then publicly criticized in a forum whose aim is to ultimately paint them as being an enemy of God, thus making them virtually unhireable. And if a stranger then attacked that person, only then would forensic psychiatrists working for the department of corruption seek to intervene to try and 'heal' their sanity. Let's say you chose this path, probably you should then get your final party member as a red mage. If you chose to barge into area 51 you'd get the monk. For instance, one of the aliens you'd free in the process would be an android. Otherwise, you'd be forced to take the red mage, as he'd be introduced as a military psychic that was waiting for the right opportunity to defect as a whistleblower to the conspiracy to suppress the existence of extraterrestrials. Let's say you took the red mage recuit path. Congratulations, your final party is now: [Knight, Red Wizard, Black Wizard, White Wizard]. Your great new world that you get to roam around in is now a COMPLETE 180 degree reversal of what it originally was. The government is completely reversed. You've created and implemented your own holy version of the New World Order that has transcended the need for politicians, lawyers, judges, and lobbyists to exist. There is no secrecy about extraterrestrial technology any more. Every possible seed for a cult to form would be weeded out ruthlessly by a government sponsored media campaign to honor the holiness of poetic charity. But now you just picked a fight with the aliens that sponsored the illuminati- the zeta reticuli aliens. Your endless war is now with the new breed of human-alien hybrid clones that are starting to pollute the gene pool. They're like X-Men. They must be fought. You roam around in your pseudo-NWO Neo-Evangelical haven where a party of: [Knight, Red Wizard, Black Wizard, White Wizard] act like they're Judge Dredd.
 
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