A Questionable Grasp of Botany: Let's Play Princess Tomato in the Salad Kingdom!

Do not say these things! Sir Cucmber is a hero.

He can be a Heroic Kleptomaniac.

Like... Nobby Nobbs, or Locke!

I don't get the whole baby monster and hole in the ground thing... But then I haven't got much of what this game presents as story, game play, etc...

Okay… okay… I can deal with the fact that Minister Pumpkin is not, in any shape or form, a Pumpkin. …I’m fine with the fact that he’s a green pepper, or perhaps some kind of a squash. That’s… okay… I’m… I’m not shocked, or incensed in anyway that I’ve been playing this game since frickin’ DECEMBER (sporadically) with the guarantee that eventually, yes, I would be bashing the head of a pumpkin, and now I realize that this was a false hope… I… DAMMIT, YOU DIE NOW PUMPKIN!



NO You’re Not! You a DAMN PEPPER! AT CLOSEST YOU’RE MINISTER GOURD, MAYBE!


You have beaten my monsters! You must be tough! But there is no way you can beat me! Come on!



MOMMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT!






As implied earlier, the hint that I bought from Bell Pepper was, in fact, The Ministers attack pattern. Unlike the Papa, he isn’t randomized so much as strictly following a seemingly random pattern.




Oh, what’s the matter, Minister Pepper? Did I ROCK your World?


I gave it to my son! He will marry Princess Tomato and become the King of Saladoria!



Minister Pepper apparently vanished as soon as he gave his last line. Well, we didn’t get the Turnip Emblem, but at least we saved the Princess and beat Minister Pepper to death. All in a good days work, eh Perce? Come on, let’s save the Princess and watch the ending credits, I guess.

Incidentally, Eggplant is still standing there. Stalwartly guarding a room with a dead monarch.



Yes, your expression is incapable of showing anything but ecstatic glee. Or at least bemusement. Or the creepy-smiley that looks like it’s about to bite you. Or that there’s an adorable puppy to my immediate right.



M’yeah… about that…



His son. He said so. And why would a MINISTER lie?



Sounds good to me, your Tomatoness.



Godammit Percy, why do you do these- wait... he didn't drop anything? Maybe I misjudged you. Or perhaps you learned your lesson about throwing away seemingly useless items after your little drowning adventure*.



And so, the pitiful, stupid, excessively unpleasant saga of Princess Tomato in the Salad Kingdom comes to a close. Or does it? Because there’s still one Chapter to Go:

Stay Tuned, Cats and Kittens for; Chapter 9: The Mildly Cleverly Titled Epilogue

*Yeah, he totally dropped everything, he just didn't mention doing it. What an asshole.

Oh Minister Pumpkin is a pumpkin, all right - he's just unripe, is all.

I don't know man, when I gaze into the abyss that is his soul, I think "That guy there, he's a Buttercup Squash"

I bet his son is some kind of root...

I feel so betrayed! I don't know if I can stick with this till the end now.

He almost looks like a green tomato...

Holy plot twist, he's the Princess' real father! It all makes sense now!

Wow, this game is surprisingly deep.

Anyhow, I kind of always thought it was amusing that Sir Cucumber, (who is a hero,) always makes Percy do all his fighting for him. And the hitting of stuff. And the carrying of his baggage. And pretty much anything that isn't looking at things. It gives me the impression that Sir Cucumber is one of those haughty nobles and the whole "Knight" thing is a largely inherited title. Percy is more of a squire that he happened to have picked up along the way.

Granted, now that we know what Percy really looks like, that's probably the real reason he does all the fighting. Sucker just has a kind of sadistic look to him.

Minister Pumpkin is most definitely a kabocha squash!

what I'm saying is you should have sliced his head into pieces and deep-fried them.

:g

I hear unripe pumpkin pie makes for good eating.

You'd get caterpillar-sized eyebrows between your teeth, but...

Chapter 9: All Good Things Must Come to an End, and so must this Game



With the defeat of the Farmy Regime, Orange Park, back over in Saladoria, is a hub of excitement and celebration. Generalissimo Cantaloupe is smiling, Lisa is looking mildly nonplussed, someone with a red bean for a head is getting really, really drunk, and Nutty and some carrot-girl I’ve never seen before are laughing it up. All is as it should be. Let’s go Mingle, Perce!

Nutty:Oh! Cucumber, you’ve defeated Minister Pumpkin! Congratulations!
General:You’ve done it! I’m proud of you!
Carrot:I can’t believe you did it!
Lisa:Thank you for saving Princess Tomato! This land will be happy and peaceful, once again. “ATTENTION EVERYONE!!! LET’S WELCOME OUR HEROES!




It’s Jr. Pumpkin! We have to save her quickly!

It’s too late, we need a miracle to save her. We need... a HERO!


He winced for a moment from the sudden blow and the Princess was saved, but…

Oh thank God, I was worried for a second there that Sir Cucumber would have to do something heroic.



I have your precious Emblem! Are there any noble Finger Warriors among you?

Okay, well… The Ministers unibrow-clad son has step forth… not so much to avenge his dead father as to re-kidnap the Princess. I can’t see why a guy with a winning personality like that would need to resort to overthrowing the local government in order to get himself a girlfriend.

Anyhow, let’s teach this young upstart where his parents went wrong raising him;



Which really isn’t difficult since he keeps picking Rock. He’s still a big dick, though, and won’t give up the Turnip Emblem. If only he had some kind of Achilles Heel we could abuse. Like, an allergy, or natural aversion to something. But, of course, I don’t have anything like that because, despite not mentioning it before, Percy totally threw away everything in my inventory after escaping the Castle. Everything, except…



EAT CATERPILLAR, GOURD-SPAWN!

Jr. Pumpkin ran away like a frightened child! But he left the Turnip Emblem! Finally, we’ve recovered the precious Emblem!



Oh thank God for that.






I told you! They are HEROES!





Those heartless, heartless bastards!

And so, this LP comes to a close. It was arduously long, and, more then once, caused me great physical discomfort. But it was all worth it if somebody read it, and decided to not play it. Because that’s what this LP truly is: It’s not a series of screenshots of the game with running commentary, no. No, it exists as a warning.

Stay alert, stay safe.


Hey Boss, I hope you had fun playing with me.

I'm going to miss this thread, I admit. It was a blast following along with your adventures into the Salad Kingdom, and even moreso once you factor in all of the crazy Percy-shops made. Thanks for playing, and good on ya, OctoPrime. This thread was truly one of the greats.

Since this is the end, I think I'll take the time to post all of the other shops I've made...







SEE YOU NEXT MISSION

I am humming the music from the first chapter of Princess Tomato, it's been a long time since I saw that ending sequence.

WE DIDN'T, PERCY

YOU PERTURBING PERSIMMON

This LP was great, though, as expected from the venerable mister Prime. The thread would have been excellent even if Loki hadn't inflicted the terrifying visage of Remake Percy upon us and caused a wave of horror/Photoshops, but it's all the better for it.

Anyway, as a reward for this unforgettable Let's Play, I present OctoPrime with this golden...



Sorry Boss, I dropped all our stuff when we came into the thread!

DAMN YOU PERCYYYYYYYY

I... I'm not ready for this to end. I was just starting to get to know Percy and why he does the things he does! It's because he LOVES US.

...oh my. How does one identify if one has Stockholm syndrome?

May this thread live on forever as a repository for horrifying Percy 'shops.

Three hours later, the festive mood withered when Princess Tomato and Sir Cucumber caught Percy peeking around the door of their honeymoon suite.

Thank you Octo for this thoroughly enjoyable LP, even though the horror of Percy has started to escape into other threads already.

You may be crazy for playing the game in the first place, but you're a hero.

Excellent, excellent LP. Crazy game. I think I might even miss it.

I like how Percy appears to be wearing Mike Haggar-style suspenders in the ending. It just goes to show that he was the fighter of the group for a reason.

I really enjoyed this LP. Thanks for plowing through this game for us, Octo!

How has no one pointed out how weird it is that the farmies were set free to become "honest carnivores"? Unbelievably, I think this game is telling us to eat meat, and only meat, at all times!

Of course, the only animals in the game seem to be the farmies and the monsters - of which there are only three. Once again, the message is cannibalism.

This game is horrifying.



Eat the flesh of the infidel, Boss! Gain their strength!

That jumped out at me, too! It's like the Anti-PETA game.

(Also, due to a stupid joke in a book I'm reading, I originally read it as they ran off to become cannibals!)

I think we may have all just become a case study for Percy Syndrome: The irrational love of a horrible game one's become attached to. Also known as Battered Gamers Syndrome. God help us.

(thanks for an awesome LP!)

Just joining my voice with the many others here thanking you for a great LP, and thanking everyone for all the hilarious Percy-shops.

For the rest of my life I'll take a vicious pleasure from eating persimmons!

This was a great read, and I'll now be forever haunted by persimmon eyes.

Thanks . . . ?

Boss, everyone is making me feel so special.

Also, That winking Percy? It's been two weeks and I'm still not tired of seeing it.

One Mr. Shinji-Fox just created this bit of Princess Tomato Fanart:



It is non-canon, but all the better for it.