Let's play King of Dragon Pass, just as our ancestors did

3. Give them permission and sacrifice to Humakt. DEATH FOR THE DEATH GOD!

I'll go for this one. Can't have the undead roaming around our tula, lowering property values.

I'm going to vote for 3 as well

I picked this up last night off the app store. It's fun!

Another victim claimed!

Year 1335, part 4



Falselogic broke our tie, so we decide to sacrifice to Humakt. He prefers live sacrifices, so we do cows instead of goods for once.



It goes over pretty well! The text mentions gift-giving, but our goods total didn't change. Bonus?

Fire 2



Time to beat up our old foes, the Herani. Given our newfound alliance with the Orlundi, we ought to be able to



Oh COME on.



Who's driving?



We have a decent numbers advantage, so this ought to go pretty well.



A combat event! Starring... our trader. Great.



The game tells us that it's everyone else who screwed this one up, but we all know the truth. Don't send Issaries to do Humakt's work.



And sure enough, we head back home with our tails tucked between our legs. Harvar!

Earth 1



Clearly what we need is more Humakt here.

SPECIAL BONUS: Five LP points for whoever comes up with the best explanation for whatever in the world Heortarl is going on about in this image.



We get the worst possible outcome. Morale helps the weaponthanes' mood. You know what else helps the weaponthanes' mood? Winning battles. You know what makes winning battles way easier? Truesword. You know what doesn't? Morale.

Pathetically



Friends have come to call on a favor we owe! They are asking for something that we do not have.

Yerestia: Ingard's clan grows impatient with us, but we must not hurry. We can afford to do what's in our best interest. No recommendation.
Harvar: It costs nothing to tell a sacred secret. Recommends #2.
Insterid: If we teach them secrets, they will prosper in the realm of the gods, and may bring back powerful weapons. Make sure they are our allies, and will not use these weapons against us. No recommendation.
Iskalli: We owe them a favor, but need not grant them exactly the favor they suggest. Recommends #2.
Valensta: Better to tell them stories than to have to give them cows. Recommends #1 or #2.
Arene: I don't know what happens when you tell lies about the gods, but I bet it isn't good. Recommends #2, #3, or #4.
Heortarl: Let me tell them my "Eurmal In the Cow Barn" secrets! No recommendation.
Mogri: Insterid, I love you, but there's no way "Chalana Arroy Heals the Scars" is going to give anyone powerful weapons.

This event can come up in a variety of circumstances. If they ask for a heroquest you already know, you have the option of sharing that information. Sometimes, the asking clan is impious, in which case sharing quest details hurts your magic. This is the likely outcome for making up details, too.

Incidentally, there is no option to share the secrets of the non-existant Eurmal heroquest.

Well, we do owe them a favor, and giving them made-up godly info would be a pretty serious dick move. Offer them info on the quests we actually know something about, since that's pretty much all we have to offer.

Ditto.

Making up stories about the gods is great, except in a context where there are actual gods who will smite you for things, in which case it isn't.

Offer him details of another story. 2.

As for Heortarl?

In the beginning, there was only darkness.

Then there was Heortarl.

Heortarl walked through the darkness, rolling his dice and inventing stories such as "Chalana Arroy Heals the Scars" and "Eurmal in the Cow Barn". As he invented stories, the characters he made up came to life; occasionally Heortarl could see them, flitting in and out of the darkness.

As Heortarl walked, he came across a blue marble. He held the blue marble to inspect it up close, and he saw that the blue marble was much more complex than it seemed; small winds blew across its face, tiny people walked through slightly larger tulas, and dragons flew from here to there.

Heortarl no longer walked through the darkness. Instead, he sat and examined his blue marble. He grew fascinated with the goings-on on its surface; he watched as the dragons encountered the people and the two began to fight. Heortarl discovered that he could affect events on the marble; he touched a dragon settlement with the tip of his finger, and the settlement collapsed to the ground. He blew on the marble, and laughed as the blue water washed over tulas and dragon settlements alike.

After a time, Heortarl sensed that someone was looking over his shoulder. He turned, hiding the blue marble behind his back. A woman stood in front of him. "I am Ernalda," said the woman. "I know who you are," responded Heortarl, "I created you." Ernalda continued, unfazed, "that marble you are holding -- yes, I see it, stop with the innocent act -- it is not yours to play with. I must have it back."

Heortarl shouted "No!" and held the marble tightly. A faint screaming sound came from the marble, as the earth therein began to shake under Heortarl's pressure. Ernalda, sensing the marble's distress, said, "I will give you my special pair of dice if you give me the marble in return. They always roll ones, each and every time."

Heortarl pondered the offer. His faithful dice had indeed been with him longer than the marble, and a new, special pair could be much fun indeed. After much deliberation, he extended the marble to Ernalda and took the dice in return.

Ernalda, no longer looking so kindly, said, "At last! The people were beginning to ignore us in their despair. Now things can be set right. Heortarl, I sentence you to eternity among them, so that you can learn to empathize with the despair your careless actions have brought about."

Heortarl found himself on a plain, surrounded by curious duck-men. He rolled his new pair of dice; as promised, they came up ones again and again. Heortarl was amused for a short while, but his amusement faded with time, and he grew bored with his new existence and his frustratingly-invariant dice. He began to see the two pips that looked up at him whenever he rolled the dice as the eyes of that snake, Ernalda, and rued the day he let her persuade him into giving away that marble.

To this day, the immortal Heortarl wanders the earth, sometimes staying with a clan and sometimes in places no mortal man has ever seen. He suborns Ernalda's cause wherever and whenever he can, and he still occasionally rolls his dice. In his weakest moments, when he thinks nobody is listening, Heortarl can be heard saying, "I had it...right here in my hand...it was all mine...I can't believe I gave it away". The clanspeople think he is just a harmless trickster, but Heortarl knows better.

And he will have his vengeance, eventually. But that is another story entirely.

I say we tell them the details of the stories we do know. Maybe Gerad's story will interest them?

I was afraid I scared everyone away from the thread!

Come on, haven't you guys been bored at work before?

Gerad is the proud winner of five LP points.

Year 1335, part 5



Everyone seems to agree: a different story is better than none at all. The game is vague about which story we told them, exactly, but we only know two.

Earth 2

So let's try to form an alliance with the guys that everyone seems to think stand between us and the Herani.



As we do, Insterid demands MORE WEDDINGS. Insterid metes out death and marriage. It's a little unnerving.



Oh no! Harvar has been accosted on his journey. He had brought a big pile of food with him, and these guys look hungry. This is unfortunate, because we all remember how well Harvar fights. Let's solve this with Words.



That is, admittedly, a very good point.



Aw man. Harvar! You need to work out more.

Dark 1

You know what reduces the incidence of banditry?



That's right: exploration! Since we're in the Dark now, outside exploration is likely to fail, but maybe we can find something good on our own tula.



And we do! These are actually, really gems, unlike the last time I told you they were gems.

Outrageously



Ugly quasi-trolls are eating our food!

Yerestia: The trolls mistreat trollkin, and will hardly care what we do to these ones. Recommends #3, #4, or #5.
Harvar: We should trade them to another clan. Recommends #5.
Insterid: If we don't kill them now, they'll be trouble later. Recommends #2.
Iskalli: These are only trollkin. The spirits of our ancestors don't care what we do with them. No recommendation.
Valensta: They could be useful for rinsing the pigs. Recommends #4.
Arene: If we can't make good use of them, the crafters might. Recommends #4.
Heortarl: I could cast magic on them to make them look like tall, strong fighters! Recommends #5.
Mogri: Since they're not human, taking them as thralls won't offend our ancestors. That doesn't necessarily make it a good idea, though.

If you want to sacrifice them, mention to whom.

I can't be bothered to remember what god does what. But we should sacrifice them to one of the Gods that gives a good buff

Trade these Arthur-looking clowns to another clan. 5. If you can actually do Heortarl's thing, do that.

I'm not sure about sacrificing things that are smart enough to be thralls. I'm even less sure about trading them with people who will take them as thralls.

Let's drive them off and get a more interesting event.

KiLL KILL KILL

We're at an even split right now. Your vote matters!

unless you vote for #4, in which case your vote sucks

Eh, drive em off. If we kill them, big papa troll may come looking for his kids.

Year 1335, part 6



We opt for the most boring option. If I were a betting man, I'd say we'll be seeing these chumps again.

Dark 2



Speaking of boring options, here's Chalana Arroy! I'm sort of fishing for new heroquests right now, but Healing is a nice blessing to have on hand.

Remember, kids: no matter what Final Fantasy taught you, you cure a disease and you heal a wound.

Storm 1



Now that the weather's nicer, it's time to send Harvar back to the Karandoli. I load him up with some gifts and almost forget to choose "Propose Alliance." The default option is "Give Gifts," which is sometimes helpful but completely useless for us right now.



I'm honestly surprised that we're outmuscled by these guys. I guess that makes them a good potential ally.

How shall we grovel?

1 or 4 I guess?

I see that 4 has the word "warriors" in it. That's probably it.

4 seems like the obvious choice to me, too.

2. Poetry is always the answer.

The makers of this game must have had a serious vendetta against poets.

Praising up their warriors seems like the way to be.

Year 1335, part 7

Not the most exciting decision, really. If I weren't in a hurry, I probably would've just gone with Harvar.



Hey! That's vaguely offensive. If we weren't such good allies, I'd tell you where to shove your god discrimination.



Here's Arene, come to deliver her yearly doom and gloom.



Oh, goody! The Blue Jays are here to help us test our new fortifications.

Pop quiz: What's worse than a Harvar battle event?



Ding ding ding!

Point of clarification: Arene is not a warrior. Unless you have Vinga's Fyrdwomen blessing, most of your women are auxiliaries -- helpers who provide support and healing to those who actually fight. Insterid is not an auxiliary, of course, but I'm not entirely sure whether that's because she's a Vingan or just because she's our war chief.

In any case, I've never had the "rush forward and heal" fail, so...



ARENE. COME ON.

The wording might suggest that Arene has been slain, but she's only wounded. It's very explicit when a thane dies as a result of an event.

More importantly, Arene failed to heal Insterid.



But we still won! And we took a couple of horses on top of that. Our nobles aren't weaponthanes, so they don't show up on the tallies, but as we'll see soon, they are most definitely wounded.

Soon



Ducks are the natural enemies of the undead!

Ducks from a place they call the Upland Marsh, accompanied by warriors of the Blue Spruce clan, petition you for aid in their fight against the undead creatures of the marsh. "The ghouls and zombies have grown very strong of late, and it is time something was done about them. We are ready to mount a serious assault on them. We want your devotees of Humakt to enact a ritual at your temple, one which will strengthen our sword-arms and weaken our unliving foes." They offer you twenty-five cows in exchange for this service.

Yerestia: We have no special relationship with the Blue Spruces, but their attitude towards us could stand improvement. Recommends #1 or #3.
Harvar: The ducks already have reason to dislike us. And if they say bad things about us to their Beastman allies, we could be in big trouble... Recommends #3.
Insterid: (still lying on the battlefield, bleeding)
Iskalli: By building a temple to Humakt, we created the expectation that we would willingly fight the undead. Recommends #1.
Valensta: Twenty-five is a goodly number of cows. Recommends #1.
Arene: (recovering, hoping Insterid doesn't kill her once they're back on their feet)
Heortarl: "He who hovers over the feast is feathered." No recommendation.
Mogri: Performing the ritual will probably cost us a point or two of magic. If our ancestors are angered by our dealing with the ducks, it will cost more, but this matter concerns more than just the ducks, so they may be willing to overlook it.

Again, what is Heortarl talking about?

Do we need any cows?

If yes, 1. If no, 3.

Ditto.

Man, why would you even say a thing like that? Of course we want their cows! Option 1.

1 - You can never have too many cows.

2 - You can never have too many cows.