Oh, Hi! I didn't see you come in! A couple years ago on the Old Forum, I started a project of chronicling the whole of the Stan Lee/Jack Kirby run of Fantastic Four, as I hadn't read most of it, and nevertheless considered it to be one of the high-points of the Silver Age of comics. And I got about half-way through that project since I was smack-dab in the middle of a long arc that was honestly kind of a slog and also that forum was flash-frozen in ash, like Pompeii.
And now that archeologists have uncovered those ash-covered ruins, why not get back into it! And since linking to the preserved remains of the forum is kind of frowned upon, I figured everyone could use a recap of 45-ish comic books. And the best way to do that is to read half of Tom Sciolis Fantastic Four: Grand Design.
But assuming you don't want to indirectly give money to Tom Scioli (and shame on you, if that's the case), here's me laying it out quick! You can sing along to the tune of "We Didn't Start the Fire". It wouldn't fit the meter or rhyme scheme or anything, but don't let that stop you!
STAY TUNED, TRUE BELIEVERS!
And now that archeologists have uncovered those ash-covered ruins, why not get back into it! And since linking to the preserved remains of the forum is kind of frowned upon, I figured everyone could use a recap of 45-ish comic books. And the best way to do that is to read half of Tom Sciolis Fantastic Four: Grand Design.
But assuming you don't want to indirectly give money to Tom Scioli (and shame on you, if that's the case), here's me laying it out quick! You can sing along to the tune of "We Didn't Start the Fire". It wouldn't fit the meter or rhyme scheme or anything, but don't let that stop you!
- 4 Astronauts (Reed, Johnny, Sue and Ben) get hit by cosmic rays; and get stretchy, fiery, invisible and rocky. Decide to use their powers to save the earth, and immediately have to contend with the Moleman, a misanthropic recluse who commands prehistoric monsters
- Shapeshifting Skrulls attempt to frame the FF for various crimes in order to eliminate them as a prelude to an invasion, they are beaten with humiliating ease when Reed convinces them that comics are nature documentaries are were too scared to attack
- The FF get new costumes and a flying bathtub. A stage magician attempts to hypnotize his way into a life of crime like an evil Cris Angel; is never heard from again
- Johnny sets a homeless mans hair on fire then throws him in the sea. Turns out he's the king there so no harm/no foul. Namor swears vengeance/marriage on the FF
- Doctor Doom shows up, hates RIIIICHARDS, forces the FF to travel back in time to steal Blackbeards Treasure
- Doom and Namor team-up to throw the FFs apartment building into deep space, Namor ends the partnership and throws Doom into space, killing him for sure
- An alien abducts the FF to help save his planet from an impending apocalypse. They do so, but leave him to die because he was a jackass
- Ben meets Alicia, a blind lady and falls in love, her creepy step-dad The Puppet Master launches a complicated plan to kill the FF and take over the world, and is thrown out a window before he can do much
- Namor bankrolls a fake movie as a flimsy pretext to killing a cash-strapped FF in front of a paying audience.
- Doom comes back, destroys the fourth wall by threatening Jack Kirby and Stan Lee into luring Reed into a trap, uses magic to mind-swap him, and is discovered and shrunk into nothingness, killing him for sure.
- Reed reveals that his Fiance just happens to share a gender with Abe Lincolns mother, so stop complaining about how badly she's treated as a character. Also, The Impossible Man shows up and everyone ignores him until he leaves.
- The FF get a new less Bathtubby Fantasticar, everyone meets the Hulk for the first time when he's framed for elaborate sabotage. Fighting ensues.
- The FF go to the Moon, meet The Watcher for the first time, and an evil Russian Scientist The Red Ghost and his three trained apes do as well, also getting super powers.
- Puppetmaster recovers from falling out of a building and decides to take control of Namor and have him kill everyone. It doesn't work.
- Super analytical crime genius The Mad Thinker briefly has the team disband so he can steal their stuff, despite constructing The Awesome Android, he is thwarted because of the unexpected fact that mailman Willie Lumpkin can deactivate all of Reeds security devices.
- Doom tries to get revenge on the FF from the sub-atomic Microverse, but settles for just returning to his original size and escaping the FF
- Doom kidnaps Alicia Masters and threatens to... not free her until he gets a job in the Kennedy Administration. Sue throws him out a window, killing him for sure.
- The Skrulls try to conquer earth again with the aide of K'llrt The Super Skrull, Reed buries him under a mountain
- The FF travel back in time to the time of the Pharoahs in order to solve an anachronism; and discover that the pharoah Rama-Tut was actually a time-traveler who figured Ancient Egypt would be easy to conquer. They send him packing, back to the 30th century.
- The straight-up omnipotent Molecule Man appears and makes some comparatively mild ultimatums, considering his powers. Is thwarted because he's not terribly clever.
(Annual#1) Namor finds his missing kingdom and declares war on the human race, the FF defeat him because him wanting to marry Sue is still considered a public embarassment to fishmen.
- The FF splits up because what was Literally Hitler was shooting them with Hate Lasers and all racism is cured forever because he was punched in the face a whole bunch. Also Nick Fury makes his first non-flashback appearance.
- Sue gets new ACTUALLY GOOD superpowers in the form of telekinetic shields. Moleman tries to destroy the world again and is thwarted. Ben also decides to announce that it's CLOBBERING TIME when he punches someone.
- Doom returns and has... a confusing plan to send the FF into outer space with paint that leads to another universe? He falls into the telepaint himself, killing him for sure.
- A space baby shows up and is kidnapped by a gangster.
- The FF and Avengers team up to fight a rampaging Incredible Hulk
- The FF and Avengers conclude fighting a rampaging Incredible Hulk
- Namor tries to kidnap Sue in order to coerce her into going on one date with him, and she politely declines, Reed FREAKS THE HELL OUT and rampages his way through Atlantis.
- Puppet Master and Mad Thinker team up to trick the X-Men into fighting the FF. It doesn't work and soon both teams team up to fight two nerds.
- The Red Ghost tries to lure the FF to the moon to kill them, again. It doesn't work this time, either.
- Ben accidentally frees the evil wizard/huckster Diablo who proceeds to grift the entire world with magic potions that don't work. The UN holds a vote to decide whether or not he's a supervillain or just a con-man.
Annual #2: Doom returns form space, reveals he's the king of Latveria and enacts his master plan of making the FF look like fools by getting them drunk at a state function. Is hypnotized into thinking it worked.
- Moleman shows up again, is beaten again. Sue gets a whack on the turnip severe enough that her brain-surgeon father has to break out of jail to perform an operation
- Super-Skrull comes back, disguises himself as Sues dad in order to further ruin his reputation... I guess? Dad sacrifices his life to save his daughter from a boobytrap the Skrulls left behind
- Nobody lets Namor know that they're secretly helping him fight Attuma; The Breaker of Oceans and his ridiculous Crab-Hat for reasons that aren't terribly clear.
- A rich guy tries to kill the FF to win a bet. Later he renounces capitalism because his son nearly died as a result
- Diablo returns, brings a mechanical Dragon-Man to life, but it's not actually evil and befriends Sue, and it drags Diablo into Empire State Universities on-campus bottomless lake. Later, Reed sets a date for his and Sues wedding.
- Evil counterpart to the FF, the Frightful Four show up, and do a surprisingly good job of nearly killing the team by throwing them out of windows while they were sleeping
- The FF travel to the Skrull homeworld to avenge Sue and Johnnys dad, and wind up killing the Skrull in charge of the invasion of Earth as a result.
- Frightful Four come back and attempt to kill the FF with a nuclear bomb; they survive but lose their powers
- A powerless FF has to contend with Doom returning and stealing all their stuff
- The FF team up with Daredevil in orde to try to get their powers back and defeat Doom, hiding in the Baxter Building, Ben resumes being a rock monster and he is having NONE of it, and nearly beats Doom entirely to death
- The Frightful Four use a brainwashing machine to make Ben evil, and he turns against the FF
- They use the machine on Johnny too, but it's a ruse on Johnnys part
- Reed does some emergency surgery on Bens brain to physically remove the Evil from it, and Ben is pretty ticked at being forced to fight his friends
STAY TUNED, TRUE BELIEVERS!
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