Johnny Unusual Ate This - A near-weekly series of terrible mistakes

[Johnny Unusual]

We got a new candy shop in my new town. If there's one thing I love, it's food adventuring so for until I run out of new candy and junk food to try there, I'm going to make weekly excursions for my "cheat day" (every 8th day) where I just eat like a goddamned garbage can to find strange new taste sensations. But mostly the taste of sugar that SOUNDS weird.

I will rate each one so you don't need to bother.

This week...

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First we have Trolli Sour Brite Candy Canes

In all honesty, I'll probably only eat one or two and leave the rest of them on my Christmas tree to pretty it up.


Big League Chew - Hot Chocolate Flavour

I mean, I suspect it will be Chocolate Flavour, unless the gum is hot somehow.

TGIFriday's Jalapeno Poppers

Note that New Brunswick doesn't have Applebee's But A Different Restaurant (see also Chili's and Applebee's) so I won't be able to compare to the original but my expectation is "generic oil snack taste".

Hostess Ding Dongs Iced Latte

I feel like the Hostess family of snack cake is fully available in New Brunswick but I don't think I've ever seen anyone see one or buy one. I feel like I must have but... can't... remember...
Dad's Old Fashioned Root Beer drink mix

It's zero sugar so I'm probably going to drink these through the week by mixing it with my Bubly.

I'll report my findings in the near future. If you have serving suggestions, advice, warnings, demands, experimentation ideas for these foods, let me know.

 

[Falselogic]

Yes, good! Someone else can take a beating for awhile now!

 

[jpfriction]

I ain’t too proud to say I likes me a ding dong. Far superior to a swiss cake roll. Come at me.

 

[Johnny Unusual]

I mean, I don't know the difference. Is the Swiss Cake Roll the pink one?

 

[Falselogic]

Isn't a Swiss Cake Roll just a Ho-Ho?

 

[Johnny Unusual]

I don't know of what that is either. Is it chocolate?

 

[Torzelbaum]

A swiss roll (assuming we're talking about the Little Debbie brand one) is like a stretched out ding-dong/ho-ho but is a "swirl" of cake and creme:

 

[Johnny Unusual]

See, I see all these things but I never attach specific names to them. The only ones I do are twinkies and, now that I remember it, Snowballs.

Oh and Jos Louis, which I think are Canadian.

I mean, the company is Vachon. That sounds very French.

 

[FelixSH]

A swiss roll (assuming we're talking about the Little Debbie brand one) is like a stretched out ding-dong/ho-ho but is a "swirl" of cake and creme:

I only know these as Milka Tender. And now I want some, they are delicious.

Is this Ding Dong drink chocolat milk? It, too, looks delicious.

I'm looking forward to hearing how tasty everything is.

 

[Büge]

 

[Johnny Unusual]

Is this Ding Dong drink chocolat milk? It, too, looks delicious.

It's an iced latte.

Between Ho Hos, Twinkies, Ding Dongs and Snowballs, the Hostess line up of Snack cakes sound like five year oldest euphemisms for genitalia.

 

[Johnny Unusual]

Trolli Sour Candy Canes
These are fine. They are mildly sour so I guess if you like sour candy but not too sour, you'll be OK. But mostly, they'll just hang on my Christmas tree until March.

Big League Chew - Hot Chocolate

I thought they might put in something to make it taste more like marshmellows but no, the "hot" part of that doesn't matter. It's just chocolate gum for the season. If they labeled it Charleston Chew flavour, I would be MUCH more impressed because that's what came to mind. It's already weird that it's bubble gum that looks like chewing tobacco (I feel like that's not a baseball touchstone anymore) flavoured like a winter drink but I feel like food has had much weirder mutations on the evolutionary chain.


TGIFriday's Jalapeno Poppers

Easily the worst thing I bought. I knew it would taste really fakey when it was referred to as a "corn snack" but I just really didn't jibe with the taste. I love jalapenos in subs and wraps but for whatever reason, I don't like the "flavour" in salty snacks. I feel like it works better with the juicy flavor and with meats in particular.

Hostess Ding Dongs Iced Latte
This was definitely my favourite. It probably would have been anyway since I like this kind of iced latte BUT it actually does have the taste of not only chocolate but that whoopie pie-like filling actually does have a taste in the mix. Yum yum. Thumbs up.

Dad's Old Fashioned Root Beer drink mix

I love root beer but it has to be done JUST right or I like it less than most sodas. It needs to be in a frosted mug and it needs to be heavily carbonated. It needs to be ridiculously cold and then it is the most refreshing. From the can? Meh. And even worse when mixed with a tonic and I've really got to mix the powder hard and deplete the valuable bubble supply. So this is actually a decent recreation but I feel *I* would have to be the one prepared to make it as good as the root beer I like. Some day, I'll buy it again when I can buy a frostable mug.

 

[jpfriction]

James Bond knows the secret to mixing up a good carbonated beverage, shaken not stirred. Trust me, it’ll be great.

 

[Johnny Unusual]

This Monday, new mistakes for the Holiday season.

Chupa Chups Hidden Apple Center Shock

This name feels like the 14th entry in a idiosyncratic shooter game I'll never play.

TGIFriday's Party Bites

After the Jalapeno Poppers, I'm not looking forward to this. But I did like the cheese fries...

Sunkist Red Punch

4
"This one is red. Red is a fruit."

Honey Bun Iced Latte

This will be interesting. I liked the Ding Dong but that one felt more natural to the medium, though they succeeded quite well. Honey Bun is a little weirder yet milder to me.

Marshmallow Peeps Gingerbread Men

I had to get something for Christmas. I hope you like one sweet that looks like another, better sweet.

Lucky Charms Magically Delicious Marshmallows

Something need to go in my hot cocoa.

 

[Johnny Unusual]

Sorry, way behind on the update.

Chupa Chups Hidden Apple Center Shock

VERY sour. Until you start chewing. Then it's just a sweet gum.

TGIFriday's Party Bites

Yeah, this wasn't great. Had a few and now it's sitting in my cupboard with the other TGIFriday's snack. The cheese fries are the only ones I like, so far.

Sunkist Red Punch

Tastes exactly what you think red tastes like. It's a deeply non-specific sweetness and a bit strong. Went OK with the strawberry Bubly.

Honey Bun Iced Latte

The Ding Dong one had slightly more going on than you'd think but this just tasted like a honey-flavoured latte. Good, though.

Marshmallow Peeps Gingerbread Men

I mean, it's peeps, so you know what you are getting. I think they did go for an actual gingerbread taste but it's subtle.

Lucky Charms Magically Delicious Marshmallows

This, on the other hand, just tasted like marshmallow. Still, pretty to look at in my hot cocoa.

 

[Johnny Unusual]

Cheat day tomorrow!

Yoo-Hoo
Never had this. I thought it was chocolate soda or something weird but in a juice box? OK. I guess maybe it's just chocolate drink.

Sunkist Lemon-Lime drink mix

Put it in my Lime Bubly already. Pretty good.

Strawberry Center Shock

I imagine this will taste a lot like the other one.

Gingerbread Oreos

I hope I like these because I bought a lot of them as there was a "4 for $5 sale" and a regular one is almost three bucks.

Candy Cane French Chew Taffy

I haven't heard of this brand before but I imagine I know what I'm getting here.


I also got chocolate covered pretzels with candy cane bits.

 

[Violentvixen]

Oh man I didn't know Yoo Hoo still existed. I wasn't allowed to have it as a kid since it has too much sugar.

It's probably good I didn't know about gingerbread Oreos until now. Please pretend they are bad so I continue to not eat them.

 

[Johnny Unusual]

Updates

Yoo-Hoo
Never had this. I thought it was chocolate soda or something weird but in a juice box? OK. I guess maybe it's just chocolate drink.

Literally "water for chocolate". It says "chocolate beverage" on the box and it did not lie. Not great.

Sunkist Lemon-Lime drink mix

The sweetness here feels less cloying than "red punch".

Strawberry Center Shock

I imagine this will taste a lot like the other one.

I was right.

Gingerbread Oreos

I hope I like these because I bought a lot of them as there was a "4 for $5 sale" and a regular one is almost three bucks.

The best of the things I bought, easily. The gingerbread biscuits work well with the cream. Too busy wolfing them down to admire the festive designs.

Candy Cane French Chew Taffy

I haven't heard of this brand before but I imagine I know what I'm getting here.

Yep, it's a peppermint taffy. Perfect consistency (not too hard or soft). One complaint: it's pink and I was hoping it would be striped.

There were also chocolate covered pretzel sticks and they were good but even with candy cane bits, barely worth mentioning.

 

[Johnny Unusual]

Tomorrow's the next cheat day. My local candy shop also had some leftover holiday treats to try. Also, I got another Strawberry shock gum, thinking last time I got cherry. I must remember this.

Reese's Big Cup Peanut Brittle

I'm down for this.

Dairy Milk Winter Orange

In may ways, Dairy Milk's selling point is it's just a bar of milk chocolate. But having had the weird off-tasting chocolate in the US, that's good enough. But I love Terry's Chocolate Oranges so I'm hoping similarly this will be yummy with some crunchy bit in there.

TGIFriday's Onion Rings

I complained about the other ones but I tend to not have a lot of patience for bad spicy snacks. This feels like it'll be the same but with a slight onion flavour and... I'll probably down a bag of these easily.

Hi-C Mashin' Mango Melon

Not sure why "mashin'" but OK, I'll bite. Or sip.

FANTA HUONG XA XI​

I am aware that Fanta has a... fraught history. But this is apparently a root beet like drink from Vietnam!

 

[Daikaiju]

By the way, did you shake up the Yoo-hoo before drinking?

 

[Johnny Unusual]

By the way, did you shake up the Yoo-hoo before drinking?

I don't think so. Was my chocolate water supposed to be slightly sweeter?

Reese's Big Cup Peanut Brittle

On the surface, it seems like it would be a pretty simple flavour. And it is. But by gum it worked. Definitely get it if you are a Reese's fan. I generally don't get a big enjoyment when cups are bigger (the worst is those huge hockey puck sized ones), but I think this mix of textures earns it.

Dairy Milk Winter Orange

This one was a bit disappointing. Still good but the flavour wasn't strong and the texture of the orange bits didn't completely work for me with the chocolate.

TGIFriday's Onion Rings

As I thought, it was a basic-ass flavour that I still enjoyed. Probably my favourite of the TGIFriday snacks so far.

Hi-C Mashin' Mango Melon

Dumb name aside, it's perfectly fine. Unfortunately, there's no mango or melon Bubly at the store to mix it with.

FANTA HUONG XA XI​

This was decent. A root beer-ish taste and like root beer, is best ice cold. I guess the flavour has also been compared to sarsaparilla, which I only know as the thing old timey people drink.

 

[Daikaiju]

I don't think so. Was my chocolate water supposed to be slightly sweeter?

Trust me. Get another, and give it a good shake before you drink.

 

[Johnny Unusual]

My snacks for this Thursday...

TGIFriday's Mozzarella Sticks

This one will fine. I can totally see into the future on this one. There will be no surprises.

Hershey's Sugar Cookie

Yeah, the shop still has some Christmas stuff to sell.

Dr. Pepper Cherry Dessert Topping

I got a tub of vanilla ice cream just for this.

Hi-C Drink Mix: Blazin' Blueberry

This is the last of the Hi-C flavours.

Magic Colors Bubblegum Crayons

If they can't actually color, there is no point. Also, I feel confident it will have 5 seconds of flavor.

Fanta Huong Viet Quat

Another Vietnamese Fanta flavour!

I also got "Amish country" popcorn, which I ate last night. I think it was a bit better than regular popcorn but not so much to make some sort of lifestyle change. The pieces were smaller and were slightly firmer, in a good way.

 

[LBD_Nytetrayn]

Does TGIFriday's still make the potato skins that are a direct descendent of Keebler's Tato Skins?

I miss those.

 

[Johnny Unusual]

Does TGIFriday's still make the potato skins that are a direct descendent of Keebler's Tato Skins?

I genuinely don't know. I haven't seen them and ALL of the TGIFriday's stuff available is made of corn. Speaking of...

TGIFriday's Mozzarella Sticks

As I said, no surprised. I liked it but there's nothing particularly interesting. It's corn puffs with a slight cheesy taste.

Hershey's Sugar Cookie

Not bad but not that interesting to me.

Dr. Pepper Cherry Dessert Topping

This was one I was genuinely psyched for. I'm not a huge Dr. Pepper fan but there are certain cola treats I like (cola gummis are the best gummis). But I found it a weird cloying tastes. Weirdly, my strategy was to slather more of the stuff on to see if it just needed volume and... it actually kind of worked. But really, I just didn't like it all that much on ice cream. But it says "dessert topping" so I might try it on cake in the future. I certainly have enough left.

Hi-C Drink Mix: Blazin' Blueberry

Good. Worked well with the blackberry Bubly. I don't have synesthesia but I definitely have flavors I would identify in my brain as "colourful" that I associate with colourful candy. Some colorful candy doesn't actually have it and is the wrong sweet (Astro Pops, particularly). But this is "colourful", a sweetness that feels fun and a joy to drink rather than a nasty corn syrupy taste.

Magic Colors Bubblegum Crayons

Terrible. You can't colour with them. They do have their own flavors but they are just so-so and they lose their flavour almost instantly and become too compact to make for bubble blowing most of the time. Also...

*
* Not really but it's THAT kind of quality of gum. You know you are dealing with either bad gum or ambitious gum if your gum shatters. And ambitious gum is rare.

Fanta Huong Viet Quat

This is good. Blueberry. I feel like a lot of the flavoured sodas like grape or strawberry never taste quite right to me. Not even that "it doesn't taste like the fruit" but rather they took the general flavour, set it to soda and hoped that was enough. This is a flavour that tastes right with the soda. It works and I highly recommend it.

 

[LBD_Nytetrayn]

I genuinely don't know. I haven't seen them and ALL of the TGIFriday's stuff available is made of corn. Speaking of...

Pretty sure these aren't, and I really enjoy them, more than regular potato chips, so I hope you can find some.

Or just go big, I guess. https://www.utzsnacks.com/products/tgi-friday-potato-skins-cheddar-bacon?variant=9562194870316

 

[Johnny Unusual]

My cheat day was today. This is what I inflicted on myself.

Swiss Miss Salted Caramel

A quality hot chocolate. I often find salted caramel flavouring something I don't feel I want but it works well here.

E. Wedel Dark Creme Brulee flavor

I have a weird relationship with creme brulee. As a dessert, it's good but whenever it is pitted against another dessert, the other dessert wins. Because if it's a "better" creme brulee, then it's a weird burnt sugar taste and if it isn't, then it is a little underwhelming. In bar form, it also isn't my first choice.

Rolling Cherry Center Shock

This one doesn't taste that interesting. They all start strong and die quickly.

Twinkies Iced Latte

Easily the worst of the Hostess Iced Lattes. I didn't taste cream or vanilla spongecake which... I guess I should be thankful for the latter. But after the success of Ding Dong, this is a disappointment.

Island Punch Lemon Lime Paradise

Again, all of these low-cal high sweetness drink mixes are doin' it for me except the one where the flavour was "red".

TGIFriday's Crunchy Fries Extreme Heat

The heat is vastly oversold. But it is also probably my favourite of the TGIFriday's line, to my surprise. Whenever snacks like this go for heat, it is either effective but not an enjoyable experience or limp and not tasty. This lacks heat but they had a widdle bit and were genuinely good. I think they aren't made with potato though but I'm not sure. Unlike the rest of the TGIFriday's line, it doesn't prominently feature the word "corn snack". But it also doesn't say "potato snack". The mystery deepens.

Cuban Lunch

Despite the name, it is neither Cuban nor a lunch. It's a Canadian snack from middle Canada (Manitoba/Alberta). This used to be my dad's favourite as a boy and they stopped making them decades ago. Finally they are released under a "nostalgia" label and I got excited. Except I bought them forgetting that peanuts don't agree with my dad's system anymore. So I just had this for myself and... it's just peanuts and okish chocolate. Interesting and not bad but there's not a lot going along here.

SPECIAL ALERT
SPECIAL ALERT
In addition to dumping garbage in my gullet once a week a new experiment emerges. When JBear and I last met, he introduced me to a "bird's nest" drink. He warned me "this defeated me". The taste? Mild. But the texture? INCONSISTENTLY. VISCOUS. So... I get it. But I promised I'd take them off his hands. What are they? Drinks made from "bird's nest". Or more accurately bird's spit. Pray for me.

Also it says "no perservatives and I got these over a week ago so... I should start drinking these.

 

[Violentvixen]

Cuban Lunch

Despite the name, it is neither Cuban nor a lunch. It's a Canadian snack from middle Canada (Manitoba/Alberta). This used to be my dad's favourite as a boy and they stopped making them decades ago. Finally they are released under a "nostalgia" label and I got excited. Except I bought them forgetting that peanuts don't agree with my dad's system anymore. So I just had this for myself and... it's just peanuts and okish chocolate. Interesting and not bad but there's not a lot going along here.

That... is a very weird name for a candy.

 

[Daikaiju]

There's definitely a story there.

 

[Johnny Unusual]

That... is a very weird name for a candy.

There's definitely a story there.

From the website

The term “Cuban lunch” came into use before WWI, during the Spanish-American War. A Cuban Lunch was a soldiers rectangular chocolate ration, and the slang term held on in common use.
When looking to make a rectangular chocolate bar after the war, the Paulin Chambers company adopted the term for their new confection, which was chock full of Spanish peanuts.