Let's Battle Ogres! (Ogre Battle 64)

Since OB64 I've never been able to go back to the original. I want to love it as much as I once did, but the game has an absurd amount of lag associated with routine tasks like using items or giving directions, and the lack of a quicksave hurts a lot, too.

No one voiced any sort of opinion over which map we do first, so I decided to head to Audvera Heights. This also semi-makes us a bitch for following orders first, but no big deal. We're going to disobey orders eventually.

Hugo: Our objective is to liberate the mining facility. I'm sure they never expected we'd defy Lodis. There's nothing they can do but defend the mine. ...There shouldn't be any reinforcements to worry about.

Famous last words.

G&G: Even then, our strength is equal...what's the status on our reinforcements?
Hugo: They went into battle with the enemy garrison a few hours ago. There seems to have been some misunderstanding. Since we won't have reinforcements either, this will be close. The rest is up to the commanders' skills.

Are you a bad enough dude to capture the Audvera Mine?

You should be noticing a pattern here. We NEVER get reinforcements. We're perpetually on our own, and all of our allies are always retarded.



This map is a direct continuation of the map we just finished. See that castle that we start at? That's where Ankiseth was at the end of the last map. And that forest next to where we start? That's where Dio found our second Pumpkinhead. It's also really big and filled with enemies. Thankfully, it's pretty straightforward. Tim and Dio will take the stronghold to the west, Leia and Zinc will take the east, G&G/BJ/Lichald will head south, and once Tim/Dio/Leia/Zinc are done, they'll head south too and we'll take strongholds as we go. Deneb will be on HQ defense because right now her unit sucks too much to do anything else.

You can't tell, but this map has a new song. So far, all of the maps have had one of three songs as the background music. Now we're starting to get to the good ones. This one is one of my favorites. I don’t know of any way to capture the music in-game, so just trust me on this. It's simultaneously majestic and mysterious. If Harry Potter fought Ogres, this song would play in the background when he did it.

I feel like such a nerd for saying that. I'm sorry guys, but this will be my last update.

Because I'm going to kill myself.



Whoa, shit is about to get real. We've got two Black Knight units headed toward us from the east and west respectively, an Archmage and Witch guarding strongholds, and a Enchanter, Grappler, and Paladin unit headed directly to our HQ. This is gonna get pretty ugly. Then again, when is it ever not ugly?

Also, I'd like to point out that the random name generator in this game named the two Black Knights Victor and Vector. What are the odds?

Thanks to his new sword, Dio made quick work of Victor. Dio also found the default armor for the Dragon Master, Scale Armor. We've already got an Estoc and Plumed Headband so now we've got all we need for Zinc to upgrade. We just need to get her stats to the right level.



This is why we keep Pumpkinheads around. He took a Stone Golem's HP down to 3 in one attack. Absolutely brutal. If you take only one thing away from this episode, let it be this: do not fuck with Pumpkinheads.

I should also note that Luigi and Ozzy have finally started dealing the amounts of damage that they should have been dealing all along. Their defense is still bad, but at least now they can kill things pretty well. And now that Dio has a new sword the damage Dio's unit can dish out is starting to increase.



After a few battles, the Paladin unit has been finished off and the Enchanter and Grappler units have been severely screwed over by G&G. Leia and Zinc are about to get busy, and I am admittedly concerned since they're two of my weaker units. Good luck guys! Well, girls I guess. GIRL POWER!



Leia needs a bit of help. I choose you, Charmander!



Here's something you don't see every day; an entire unit of mage-types. What the hell are they thinking?



Things are a bit of a mess, but so far we're doing great. Zinc has been doing alright against Vector and the Witch and she'll only be better once we get here a Cleric and move the Pumpkinhead to the backrow. Everyone else has had a pretty easy time finishing off units. We're still only halfway there, though.



This is a semi-common item, but it's one of the ones we need to make a Lich so it's good to know that we have it this early. Zinc found a new doll for Tim, and Lichald found a Magician's Robe. This means we can make Enchanters once Tim gets to the right stat-level. And we've already had the gear to make Ninja Masters for a while now. Geez, they're really throwing the higher class gear at us, aren't they?



I love you, Maxwell and Pancake.



Again, look at him go! Alright that’s enough Pumpkin love for one episode.

This is why we want Priests. AOE healing? Yes please!

Alright, boss time. This boss is actually kind of a jerk because he hangs out in the back row and has two Golems protecting him. We'll need someone who can hit the back row...Lichald and BJ are tired, so...hmm. Goofus, you're up!

Tuzt: Why does the Revolutionary Army fight for the Bolmaukans?



I bet you he was about to say the "N" word but then realized that'd be racist.



Linus got Tuzt down to 5 HP, so one more Pumpkin Shower will kill him for sure. That is, it would if he didn’t heal himself after each battle. I got sick of almost-but-not-quite-killing him and then having him heal, so I called Lichald in and he dropped him like a bad habit.

Tuzt: I can't believe you put this kingdom in jeopardy...



I can't believe Atlus keeps trying to shove heavy handed social commentary down my throat.



Well, we already have one of those...but that's okay. The more the merrier, right?

Young Bolmaukan: I appreciate what you've done for us, but...I am worried.



G&G: to strengthen the Revolutionary Army and prepare for Lodis. That is...the official reason. But...that's not why I came here. The way the Bolmaukans were treated, just like us...we needed to...no, we wanted to do something. We wanted to avoid fighting the Nirdamese troops. We wanted to save those who were treated unfairly...because our goal is to eliminate the class system, and declare independence from the Lodis Empire...
Bolmaukan: What are you saying!? No matter how you try to word it...all you're saying is that you're planning to use us! Is that why you fought so bravely!? Were you insinuating that we owe the Revolutionary Army!?
G&G: No! That's not true! We didn't come because we were ordered. We wanted to liberate this land. We wanted to save you! I have no intentions of using the Nirdamese. I will never use you...even if I have to go against orders!
Bolmaukan: We are grateful for what you've done for us. I'll trust your words. But, you should have known the consequences too. Do you realize how many casualties there were? Aren't you relying too heavily on your strength? Did you ignore our fellow Bolmaukans?



But did you ever know that I had mine on you?

Not much to do now but move on to the Sable Lowlands.



Hey, check out BJ! He's old!

By the way, WhiteMage is really close to being eligible to become a Ninja Master. Then he can go in the back row and help out Pancake and Maxwell with Ninja Arts. In addition, I should mention that I've given all of my mages new spellbooks. I gave them spellbooks that match their original element, so the spells they cast won't change. But spellbooks boost INT so each mage is a bit stronger now.

The only exception to this is Waffle, who now has the Book of Bane. The Book of Bane boosts INT slightly more than the others, and since Waffle is by himself I figured he could use it the most.

There's one more thing I forgot about before we can move on. Let's get the Pedra of Bane! We need to head back to the Highlands of Soathan from Episode 12. We'll also need a Hellhound, which we can thankfully pick up on this map.

First we need to head to Jiram, the town near the bridge that was destroyed.



Ummm...well...I guess we can find a spot for him. Sure, why not?

Anyway, on to the...



Dude, Dio. I love you man. You just saved me so much time.

Goofus makes it to Jiram and runs into a pudgy kid.

Kid: A while ago, the Revolutionary Army came here. They started fighting here, and my dog, Bacchus, got lost. My mom tells me that Bacchus ran far away, and he won't be coming back...but I already know...I know he's not alive...you're from the Revolutionary Army! How dare you!! Why did you have to do that to Bacchus? Give me back my Bacchus! Now!

Sad story, kid. After leaving, we re-enter and...



Nope.

Kid: What did you do to my Bacchus? He was my friend! Give him back!!

Hmm. Looks like he won't take "no" for an answer. Let's put our new Hellhound in Deneb's unit and send her down here.

Old Woman: You're in the Revolutionary Army. Nasty battle, huh? Thankfully, there weren't any casualities from here, but a stray arrow hit our dog...since I support the cause, I try not to blame you, but my son's depressed. If you have a dog to spare, would you give it to him?

I don't have a dog, but I have a two-headed doglike monster. Is that okay?

I forgot that you need to bring the dog in the same unit as the one that initially spoke to the Kid, so I traded the Hellhound into G&G's unit.



I like how G&G is giving a child a two-headed monster. It's so ridiculous.

G&G: Will you take good care of it?
Kid: Sure. Of course. But, this dog has two heads. Do I have to feed them both?





This beautiful stone...of PURE UNADULTERATED EVIL. How the hell do townspeople keep finding this stuff?!

Anyway, let's move on to the Sable Lowlands. This map has something very important for us: the last of the gear we'll need to make a Black Knight. Lichald is already stat-wise strong enough to become a BK even without the Helm of the Fearless, and he's very Chaotic. We’ll have ourselves a Black Knight before the end of this update! I've also figured out why G&G's unit is staying neutral: their level is too high. I'm having them use strategies and fight units that would normally raise their alignment, but since they're typically a higher level that cancels out the benefits and they stay neutral. So for this map and possibly a few others, G&G will be on base defense so the enemies' levels can pass theirs. Remember; fighting units that are stronger than yours raises your alignment. Dio and Leia have managed to stay Lawful because I don't use them that much (and thus they are perpetually fighting units stronger than them), so we need to push G&G in that direction as well.

G&G: I don't want to fight the Nirdamese. What should I do? Is battle with them really inevitable?
Hugo: I'm certain they aren't willing to fight us, either. But unfortunately...they are forced to fight. It would be very difficult to avoid this confrontation. The Bolmaukans have lived here since the old days. I hope the liberation of this area affects the situation positively...



Hugo mentions that there are messengers that are trying to get reinforcements. If we let them get to their destination, we can expect a whole mess of new units to spawn. Probably not the best idea to let them live.



See that Ninja Master that's moving? He’s the messenger. If he gets to the town in the north, five units will spawn. BJ is going to head over the mountains and try and stop him (he probably won't make it though) while Dio and Lichald follow the road to the stronghold to the west. Leia, Zinc, Tim, and Deneb will all work together to take the southern path. Goofus will stay at home and play with his baseball cards.



That lady in the back is a Diana, an upgraded Archer. They're pretty generic but they get three attacks so we’ll try and get a few at some point.

Unfortunately, we weren't able to stop the messenger...but Lichald did find a Valiant Mantle! Valiant Mantles are the reason why you can only have three Black Knights. There are only three of these in the entire game and we just found the first one.



Ugh. This is what we were trying to stop. Well, it's okay. Dio/BJ/Lichald can handle it, but this is going to take a LONG time.



Things just keep getting worse. Two units are heading straight to our HQ (you can only see one in this screenshot)...luckily G&G can handle them. This is still a bit of a concern. Things are going a lot better in the south. So much so that I'm going to send Leia up north to help out G&G/Dio/Lichald/BJ.



Alright, we can make a Black Knight now! Well, once we finish this nightmare anyway...

Looks like Beef Jerky's still got some pepper left in him, despite having aged 20 years in a day.



It hit the entire unit. Priceless. Good work Linus!



Nothing like seeing two grown men in skirts go at it.

Wait, what?



G&G was able to repel the two attack units. Now we've got three units who need to rest and three leaderless units running around doing nothing. Leia and Dio can handle this!



Look what Dio did! His unit isn't shitty now! Leia's here to clean up, but Dio almost annihilated all three of these units. And yet, those Fencers are still pretty awful compared to G&G's Knights...well, they’re good enough. They’ll probably be legitimately good when I can make them into Sword Masters.



You believe this shit? While Leia was chasing this fucker and he ran over the stronghold (where Dio is in this picture) and he captured it. What a son of a bitch.

Alright, things are under control now. The boss of this level is recruitable if you have a neutral to high CF. We've actually liberated a fair amount of strongholds so far (albeit unintentionally) so we might still be neutral enough to get her. We'll see what happens.



She's also smokin’ hot.

Liedel: I've been expecting you!! I'm Liedel Klein.



So that's why you're wearing a shitload of red?

Liedel: The others were killed in the south...revenge will be mine!
Beef Jerky: Revenge?
Liedel: You know what I'm talking about! Oh, I see. You won't admit publicly that you've been using Ogres.
Beef Jerky: You're talking about the battle against the Southern Division? No! That wasn't us!!
Liedel: Liar! Who'd suspect General Godeslas of such treachery? Even if the general did have something to do with it, why'd he attack his own troops? You think I'm stupid? That's enough!
Beef Jerky: Godeslas was controlled by the Infernal Aura. He was consumed by the darkness. Please believe me.

You know, for a generic character, BJ seems to know a lot about this.

Liedel: I'll believe you. If you can beat me, that is!

What would life be like if everyone thought this way?

Guy #1: I can fly.
Guy #2: No you can't. Gravity, man.
Guy #1: Liar! Gravity doesn't exist! It's only a myth! Even if it did exist, why would it keep me from flying?!
Guy #2: ...because it's gravity?
Guy #1: I don't believe you! I can fly, and I'll prove it by flying off this building!
Guy #2: You have to believe me!
Guy #1: I'll believe you if you can beat me in battle!!!

And that's the story of how I got arrested.

Hey, wouldn't this be a good time to test out our new Pedra? I think so too!



Yes, those are flying eyeball monsters. Thanks to two Ionospheres, Liedel goes down pretty easily. Ha! Get it!?



This just seems so silly to me. "You won so I guess you're honest and I trust you." Riiiight…

Liedel: But, let me give you some advice. The Revolutionary Army's recent deeds aren't garnering them any support. Just winning battles isn't good enough. People are paying attention to what you do. Be aware of that.



Well, she didn't offer to join so I guess that means that we're on the low CF path. That's good! We didn’t need her sweet, sweet honey anyway. And hey, we've got a new bow for one of our Archers.



G&G: We'll continue to fight the Western Division. This is our concern. I don't want to involve the Bolmaukans in this war any further. Is there any way we can avoid fighting the Bolmaukans?

Yeah, like a secret handshake or something? Something so they'll see that we're legit. Too legit, even.

Bolmaukan: We share the same feeling, but...there are still many of us that are held captive, in the west. Like our king...we can never forsake our king and the fellow Nirdamese in the west. That's Lodis...the reason why our kingdom was torn into east and west, why there was resentment between the princes...Lodis was pulling the strings behind it all.
G&G: I understand your concerns, but something must be done...
Bolmaukan: What do you want to do? I know what you're trying to say. But, are you really concerned about us? Are you forcing your ideals on us? We will do whatever we can to assist you...but that doesn't mean we obey your every command. Please keep that in mind.

So last level they hated us, now they like us and hate us, but will help us. Wha?

I have good news. Ladies and gentlemen, behold!



I give you Lichald the Black Knight! It's really great that we have him this early on. He'll be getting +7 STR each level up, and there will be a lot of level ups from now until the end of the game. And look at that sweet, sweet 32 physical defense. Mmmm. Tastes like salt water taffy. But wait, there's more!



We now have a Priest too! Katreda is one or two levels away from becoming one. Peach is close to being a Priest and Mario and Badguy are close to becoming Paladins...but I need to fix G&G's alignment problem before I can do anything with any of them. WhiteMage is ONE GOD DAMN DEX point away from being eligible to become a Ninja Master, so we'll have him upgraded in no time.

The next update is pretty damn important. We’ll be getting a new character, a new Pedra, and we’ll be hitting an important point in the story. And we’ll begin phase two of my unit restructuring plan (with phase three to be shown in the update after that). I also need to figure out what to do with our new Pumpkinhead. Look forward to it!

well im pretty sure you are using PJ64, right?
go into the audio plugin menu and there it is an option for capturing audio although it only captures in .wav you can later convert it.
Im still far ahead so ill wait a couple of weeks without playing so you can catch up and i can use your advise.

It sucks that black knights require a rare item. They're the only good low-alignment human meat shield.

We’re coming up on one of the major turning points in the game everyone. Sorry it’s been a few days since I’ve updated, but the good news is that I have Wednesday and Thursday off so you can expect more updates then.

And no, that title isn’t there as a joke; this really is the end of the Bolmaukan thing. That’s right…just one more level of heavy handed racial commentary and we can move back to heavy handed social commentary with a dash of fanfic-quality yaoi.

I…think that’s an improvement?

Hugo: Once we liberate this area, Castle Talpaea will be just ahead of us. It won't be long 'til the confrontation with the Western Division...

Nevermind the fact that we've already fought them off a few times.

G&G: Do you think there's a way to avoid battle with the Western Division?
Hugo: It seems to me that the Western Division is not inclined to fight, either.



This is important. If you choose to talk with the Western Division, then it opens up the possibility of having Ankiseth join you. But if you get Ankiseth, you can't get Biske and we're getting a werewolf, damn it.

Jen Eric: We have a messenger from the Western Division. He says he was sent here by Prince Yumil. He is asking for an audience with you. What shall I do?



!?!!?!?

Hugo: I think it's best that you see him, Goofus.
G&G: Yeah, I think so too. Tell him that we'll listen to what he has to say. We'll be right there.
Cannon McFodder: Yes, sir.

Messenger: This message is from our general.



Hugo: I…want you to be my…knight? I want your big, throb…awwww!!! What the hell Goofus?!

Bad Guy Messenger: Our general is very kind-hearted. He wants the fruitless battles to end. He also accepts the justification of the Revolutionary Army, and he hopes that this reconciliation will be the first step toward peace.
G&G: Does the Central Division acknowledge this? And what about the Nirdamese troops?
Red Messenger: We are currently negotiating with the Central Division. The Western Division has decided not to involve the Nirdamese troops in any further battles.
G&G: But that doesn't mean they will be freed. I must assume that the Western Division has no intentions of defying Lodis...
No-good-very-bad Messenger: N, no, that's not what was meant. In order to approach the matter peacefully, something need to have a higher priority than others.
G&G: …



NO! We were talking about throbbing manmeat, and now we can't go back! You ruined it!

Good Guy Messenger: The enemy troops have begun advancing on us. It appears that the troops are mainly Bolmaukan!
G&G: What!? You deceived us!?
Dastardly Messenger: It can't be! The decision was already made not to involve the Nirdamese! It must be that knight from the Central Division...Sir Rhade. He must have pulled rank...
Hugo: We will believe your words. We will believe Prince Yumil.

I gotta do what?!

Hugo: We cannot make the decision; we must speak with our superior...is that acceptable?
Whorish Messenger: Most certainly, sir. We will be waiting for a favorable reply.
Hugo: Well...what should we do?

I GOTTA BELIEVE!



And...um, come up with a strategy too. Wow, this map is huge. It's easily the biggest one we've been on so far. There's also a trick to it. This map has a special character on the enemy team that we can recruit. The hard part is that we cannot fight him at all...but there's an easy way to stop him from trying to attack us. If you make it to the stronghold in the very north part of the map and capture it, the enemy unit we need to keep alive won't come after you. So let's hurry there! BJ and Lichald will dash for that stronghold while everyone else will take the other strongholds.

Also, we can pick up equipment to make Freyas in this map. Not that that really matters since Freyas suck...but still. WonderWoman needs to get upgraded at some point.

Hey, I wonder how Lichald will do now that he’s a Black Knight?



Yeah, he'll do juuuust fine.



So far everything's under control. I'm keeping most of my units near my HQ until I can capture that one city to ensure that we won't run into that enemy unit. BJ and Lichald aren't having much trouble getting up north, and everyone else is standing around picking their noses.



Wait, maybe it isn't. This is Vad, the guy we can't kill. He's waiting for us at the stronghold to the east of our HQ but we'll be ignoring him. As long as we take the stronghold in the north, he won't leave...so hurry up already, BJ!

Also, there's a guy in Vad's unit named Dude.



That is so awesome.



Things are slightly more complicated. We've now got two flying units to deal with, Dio was able to fend off the Black Knight but I'm reluctant to pursue him (in case he heads to where Vad is), BJ is headed towards the north-most stronghold and Lichald is resting.

I should explain how Healing Plus works. The short version is that it splits up all of the healing juice between your characters.

The long version is that Healing Plus heals in a small area that changes depending on how your unit is organized. In this example, Dio was the target and he got healed for 60+ and Ozzy and Luigi each got healed for 30+. If Ozzy or Luigi were the target, then they would have received 60+, and Dio would have also received 60+. Even though this only targets two people, it heals for more as a result. Healing Plus can also heal units in a 4X4 area as well. Let’s say Dio was in the exact middle of this unit. If Luigi were the target of a healing spell, Dio would be healed too.

Long, long story short? This shit is way better than single target healing. Way better, yo.

BJ finally makes it to the northern most town, and it's time for the battle to truly begin. As long as we avoid that one stronghold we can recruit Vad at the end of this mission.



Hey, our first Cataphract encounter. Thankfully these guys are pretty weak offensively. The problem is that they take forever to kill. Dio's unit has our best healer though, so time is something he has a lot of.



Most of the units we encountered in the first part of the map were weak, so it didn't take long to clean up. But now we have Vad rendered immobile, a leaderless unit, and a hell of a lot of strongholds to go capture. I'll be leaving the rest of this mission to Leia/Dio/Tim/Zinc/Deneb to get them some experience.



Hey, look at that. Waffles is now suddenly almost as good as Maxwell. That's pretty great considering how little time he's had to get this good. Tim's unit has suddenly started to turn not-so-shitty!



We finally get to move on, and what happens? We get ambushed. Are you friggin' serious right now?



Even though I'm using my weaker units, they were still strong enough to take care of everything. We'll be at the bosses' doorstep in no time.

About five seconds after I took this screenshot, Zinc just got her unit's ass handed to her…but her Soldier was able to become an Amazon which is really all that matters. Now we can move our Pumpkinhead to the back row and turn the new Amazon into a Cleric (and later Priest maybe, but it honestly doesn’t matter for that unit). This will really help increase Zinc's damage output.



Alright, Rhade is about to get proper fucked. I'm gonna have Leia do it because...uh...just because.



Reinforcements: Did someone say my name?!

Rhade: What's the Western Division doing!?



Ankiseth loves to watch.

Rhade: Curse them, both him and his smartass kid! ...Where's Sir Baldwin? What happened to Sir Baldwin!?
Knight: He withdrew a while ago.
Rhade: So I'm the only one, huh? Can't depend on anybody...
*Leia, Troi, WonderWoman, Katreda, and Fran enter*
Rhade: Thanks to all of you, my life's a ruin.

Not in ruins. It is a ruin.

Rhade: Come on, fight me! I don't need anyone's help! I'll take care of you myself!



Rhade's just about the same as when we fought him before. Those two Paladins in the back make shitty healers, but they're healers all the same. It's making killing Rhade a lot more difficult. Luckily for us, Rhade doesn't know how to turn around so...

…he's about to get from behind. Without his healing buddies, Rhade can't stand up to the PANTS Platoon and Waffles finishes him off with Word of Pain.

Rhade: ...How the hell are you going to change this kingdom? The Revolutionary Army endangers the existence of Palatinus itself.



Alright, cool man. See you there.



Hey, cool sword. Too bad it's even worse than the Blessed Swords Dio/Mario/Badguy/Troi have been using for three maps now.



Vad: I thank you for what you've done for us.

Yeah, sure. I do this shit all the time.

G&G: We only did what we thought was right. What are you planning to do now? If you'd like, how about joining the Revolutionary Army...joining us?

So he frees all the Bolmaukans and says that he doesn't want to use them to fight...then he frees more of them and they say they don't want to fight but will, and now he's directly asking them to fight with him. Make up your mind, man.

Nirdamese Warrior: I appreciate your offer, but we have to decline. To the west of here, there are still many who are held captive. They're waiting for our help. We will go west, to rescue our fellow Bolmaukans! ...I'm sorry.

A triumphant battle cry followed by a muted apology. I’ve got it! Bolmaukan is an Ogrebattlian term for bi-polar!

Vad: Please, let me fight with you! I can't bear it any longer...I must...I must seek revenge against those who enslaved us!
G&G: Aren't you the leader of the Nirdamese troops?
Vad: I've already discussed this matter with the others.



Well, why not? The more the merrier!

G&G: Your help will be valuable to us. ...Welcome.

Narrative: Mount Ithaca, Castle Gullsvinter

Hugo: What brings you here, Destin? Did something happen in the Central Division?
Destin: No, we received orders from headquarters...to head west and prepare for Lodis' invasion.
G&G: Has Lodis initiated an attack against Palatinus?
Destin: No, not yet.
Saradin: Goofus, this is the official statement from headquarters. 'We will accept nothing less than unconditional surrender from the Western Division. If the Western Division is unwilling, use the full potential of the PANTS Platoon to liberate the Western Region.'"
G&G: What!? That's their intention!?
Saradin: Unfortunately, I believe it is the intention of the entire Revolutionary Army. We have won numerous battles, and succeeded in liberating the Bolmaukans. There are many among the Revolutionary Army who believe that they can accomplish anything. And they are more concerned with the overthrow of the upper class than the revolution itself...
Destin: In order to lead a large group of people...it's occasionally necessary to accept things that go against your beliefs...



G&G: Why must we fight those who do not wish to fight? Besides...Lodis will not remain quiet!!
Destin: That's why we came here. We left the revolution to help the people of Nirdam. Goofus...you must go to Castle Talpaea as ordered...and find your own answer!



Destin is right; we're coming up on one of the major turning points of the game.

G&G: Destin...?
Destin: I was ordered to use the Nirdamese to fight Lodis. I understood its importance but it nonetheless went against my belief. I was in the same position as you are now. And my decision was to leave the Revolutionary Army.

He's so bad ass that he counter-revolted. Will Goofus follow in his footsteps?!

Destin: I will fulfill my duty, regardless of my desertion.



So...what are you, then? A walking murder machine?



Oh. So you're Captain Planet.

Destin: I hope you understand.

I don't, but I can hardly ever understand anything people say in circa 2000 RPGs. It's all nonsense about "Help me...help me, *insert character name*" and "I don't know what's right...I don't know what to do!" and "KURsE YoU SEEEeeDs!!!!".

Saradin: ...We should be going. Goofus, I leave the rest to you.

If we had recruited Aisha earlier (by choosing to not kill Frederick and then finding her in Audvera Heights), Saradin would offer to join us here. But we're getting that werewolf dammit, so we don't need his help!

Destin: The decision made by the Revolutionary Army, and your own beliefs. Neither can be said to be wrong. What is your goal? If you know what it is...then that should guide your path.

Noodling Around With Classes and Stuff (Half-assed Edition)

We've now got two options we can take on our next map (I’ll be picking for us though on this one; trust me). But let's look at our newest addition to the PANTS Platoon.



Vad is our first special class character. Technically Dio and Goofus have special classes, but right now they're essentially the same thing as a Knight so Vad is really our first...sort of. Vad is a Grappler, but he's different from the ones we’ve been fighting in that he gets two attacks in the back row. Even though Fatal Dance technically does less damage, it hits multiple times so it adds up to more damage. Having three attacks in the front row really helps when you get back attacked, though.

WhiteMage finally got that one DEX point he needed and is now a Ninja Master. Ninja Arts is weak but it casts a random element spell with each use, and we already have two spell casters in this unit. This opens up a whole slew of spell combinations. He's also defensively strong enough to leave vulnerable and not have to worry about.

In short; fuck yeah NINJAS!!!



Mike will be excited to know that Maxwell has become an Archmage! Now his attack will hit an entire area, rather than just a single target. Pancakes isn't quite ready to get promoted yet, but Maxwell can still use combination spells with WhiteMage and (to a lesser extent) Pancakes. So this isn't anything to be concerned about. As if that wasn't enough...





Despite having barely used them, our Hawkmen are eligible for a promotion. I made Harvey into a Vultan and Peanut into a Raven. Ravens have a slightly better back row attack, so we'll be leaving Peanut in the back row. Harvey is a higher level and thus has better HP/def/attack, so he'll be up front. Since we're doing a low CF playthrough and they're both at their final classes already, alignment doesn't really matter...and next level we'll be getting a new flying unit to lead their unit (along with Ken the Wyrm). So look for a new flying unit next update!

I've done the math and we're two levels or less from having a lot of the third classes, so stay tuned to future updates for increased class awesomeness.



Here’s out unit layout for now…but that will be changing dramatically next update, so don’t get attached to it. Look for the final phase of my unit restructuring plan next time and my complete analysis of our units.

I had no idea there were black people in these games.

Sweet! Now get him one of the unique spell books so that he can wreck everyone's shit.

You know who else can use those unique spell books? Witches. It's by far not the best use of them but it's a fun novelty to have a witch who can cast meteor and kill everyone.

Episode 15: The One Where I Forgot To Give It a Title And Had to Edit One In

You know, as ridiculous as this sounds, Turnip makes a very good point. Ogre Battle has almost no minorities in it. Dio is "a Southerner" and he's dark skinned…but that's it. The only other minorities in this game are the Bolmaukans, and with the exception of Vad, we won't be seeing them again.

I don't know which is more racist: the fact that Ogre Battle is 99% white people, or the fact that when there are minorities present, they are designed to look African and ARE SLAVES.

Hugo: Here is the plan. Listen carefully...



Well, at least this map is nice and organized. Everyone will split up into three groups: Goofus will stay on HQ defense, and everyone else will either go north, west, or south. This maps relatively small despite how it looks here, but it can be pretty frantic since there are a lot of places for enemy units to heal.

Hugo: Do you understand? Then let's go.

Shortest briefing ever. I wish more of them were like that so I didn't have to type so much.

Lichald, Dio, and Tim are heading west, Goofus is heading to the southernmost stronghold (in an effort to raise his alignment since a low alignment unit is there), and Leia, BJ, and Zinc are heading north. Waffles temporary unit is guarding the HQ until Goofus returns.



Whoa, whoa, whoa! What is that?



That guy is a Knight Templar, a knight from Lodis. They're basically the same thing as Paladins. The only real difference is that fighting them raises your alignment (instead of lowering like fighting a Paladin would) and that their defense isn't nearly as good as a Paladin’s. Lichald critcalled the sucker for 98 damage, and then WhiteMage and Maxwell used the combination spell Atmosphere, which hit the entire enemy group and put half of the enemy unit asleep.



Then on our next turn, WhiteMage and Maxwell used Atmosphere again (after the enemy was softened up by Lichald and Wario) and the entire unit was wiped out in one encounter.

I can’t get over how ridiculous this unit is. And it's only going to get even more broken when Pancakes and Wario get promoted.



There's a lot going on here so let's sort this out. Goofus is still headed south to take that stronghold and hopefully raise his alignment. Dio destroyed one of the flying units, Leia killed the leaders of the Templar units near the stronghold in the north, and Zinc killed the leader of the flying unit in the north.



By the way, Zinc's unit isn't performing too badly. They're never going to be our strongest unit, but it will be pretty reliable for now and its usefulness will only increase when Ryu evolves into a Quetzacoatl.



My trick worked and Goofus' unit's alignment did go up a little after fighting that unit. We've got two units retreating so we'll need to send someone after them. Lichald will head southwest to capture the stronghold there (which is also where we can recruit a new character) and Dio will head west to the stronghold there. Leia and the gang will head west as well after finishing off the two Templar units.



Have ever mentioned how awesome the Hallowed Shield is? I have? Well...it's worth mentioning again. Having the most oftenly targeted character in a unit be able to resist all status effects definitely has its advantages.



This is Maxwell and Pancakes' new combo attack, Blue Spiral. You missed the spiral itself but here's the important part: 88 damage. That's pretty damn good. Once Pancakes becomes a Siren, we'll be able to consistently do full-screen combination spells. We'll have a small arsenal of them too since WhiteMage's element changes each battle. Keep an eye on Lichald's unit, folks. Even without special units like the Princess and Dragoon they will be a force to be reckoned with.

So...I kind of missed it with this screenshot but WhiteMage, Maxwell, and Pancakes did a full screen version of Blue Spiral. And right before that, Lichald criticalled for 110 damage. Yeah...yeah, this unit is pretty amazing. I’m sure you’re sick of me talking about it, but it really is just that ridiculous.

Lichald heads into Coppermine and...wait, wait. What is this!?



And who might this handsome devil be?

Sheen: You're from this kingdom, right? Why are you fighting?
Lichald: Why...? What are you saying? Don't tell me you're content with what we have here!



Lichald's response made me laugher harder than it probably should have. I hope someone else out there gets why I think it's so funny.

Sheen: Hey, hold on! Calm down, will ya? I don't belong to anybody. I'm just a free, peace-loving hawkman.

Groovy, man.

Sheen: Yeah, I stayed in Lodis for a while. But I left cuz I hated their guts.

Watch out folks, he's got a 'tude!



Yes. California.

Lichald: There's no such place! Get real!
Sheen: Oh well. Hey, if you guys win this war, will this kingdom be like that?
Lichald: W, well, we will have peace, that's for sure.

This isn't right. Lichald doesn't stumble over his words. Lichald is an all powerful death machine. Lichald's very presence makes the thoughts of others turn to their loved ones. Lichald's wrath tears the world asunder. LICHALD DOES NOT STUTTER.

Sheen: Okay! Then, can I fight with you?



We need Sheen to complete our flying unit so we'll be saying response 1.

Lichald: Ummm, sure. ...yeah, let's do it!
Sheen: Right on! Let's get this war over with, so we can kidnap all those nice-looking girls from other kingdoms and bring them here!

This is why I love Sheen. This is the best idea anyone has ever had.

Lichald: What!? No! You can't do that!!

I guess it's supposed to be slapstick-y humor, too…but it really is a wonderful idea.



So let's evaluate the situation. Goofus, BJ, and Tim have our bases covered. Waffles is about to cover our only exposed base. We have three leaderless units to finish off, and two units guarding strongholds. You know, for a map this far into the game, this hasn't taken very long at all.



Here's WhiteMage and Maxwell doing a full screen version of Ice Field (the normal spell for Sirens and Archmages of the Water Element…the smaller version of this is Maxwell’s normal spell). Just thought you might like it.

I guess I should get this out of the way now, too. Maxwell is amazing. Right now he is our best spellcaster and our leading candidate for Lich-a-lization. Pancakes isn't eligible to become a Princess since Princesi are high alignment, so she’ll probably be stuck as a Siren. But Maxwell is almost definitely going to become our Lich when the time is right.



After a few battles, the map has been cleared and all that's left is a weakened flying unit and the boss. Let's do it, Dio! For great justice!

Robert: We're in luck. I didn't expect to find them here. Maybe it's not that bad of an idea to be up front.



Seriously, who wrote this? This is awful. Transcribing shit like this hurts me physically

I had Dio purposely retreat to give Zinc time to finish off the last unit, and Leia came in from behind to seal the deal.



Robert: When the main force arrives, that'll be the end...of the Revolu...tionary...Army...

Yeah, yeah. We've heard it before. Save it, pal.

An Ice Blade? Now we're talking! None of that Sword of Firedrake nonsense! The only real reason that sword exists is to change a Paladin and/or Goofus/Dio's (once they get promoted) back row attack to an offensive fire attack. But the Ice Blade is actually fairly strong so this is a great find.



Familiar Voice: ...It's been a while, Goofus.
Goofus: F,father...
Ankiseth: I heard that the Revolutionary Army is not willing to settle this matter peacefully...is it possible for you to withdraw your troops? Nothing will be gained from this; I do not want any more bloodshed.
Goofus: And what if we withdraw? What about the class system? The Central Division? The Lodis Empire? Sure, we can avoid this particular battle. But that's it! Nothing else will change!
Ankiseth: Nothing will change? Are you concerned with only the visible changes...the changes you can touch? Do not be misled by a narrow definition of revolution!



Ankiseth: Slowly, but surely. The same can be applied to our society. Radical changes create unwanted distortions...haven't you realized that your way is, in fact, nothing but a temporary solution?
Goofus: Are you asking me to ignore the plight of those suffering as we speak!? However much you talk about ideals, you'll never reach the people unless you get in the thick of it with them. Father...you hold your ideals, but do absolutely nothing to achieve them.
Ankiseth: He who is in a higher position can become benevolent. Because he does not need to be concerned about his life, he can care for others. He can set aside his own feelings and fight for others. Yumil plans to make this kingdom a better place for all people...he is looking to reformation. He holds this as his duty as a member of the royal family, and I will help him every way possible. Goofus, can the Revolutionary Army lead Palatinus? What is the result…





This game doesn't have a titular line, but this is really damn close. I guess that's what that Engrishy subtitle is all about...?

Goofus: I don't know. But...



Yeah, he's a total pansy. He can't do shit. And now his girlfriend is made out of magic! You know that's going to cause problems.

Ankiseth: I can't be positive. But, I want to trust in him.



Goofus: Father! Tell me before you go. Why did you accept being branded as a murderer?





Ankiseth: Why, you ask...? Do you know whose orders the assassin was following? The person who plotted Yumil's death...



DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN

Ankiseth: His Majesty was not well back then. The misfortunes that fell upon him, beginning with the queen's death...King Procus blamed it all on Yumil...the Prince's peculiar features made His Majesty think even more so.

Peculiar features? So it's weird for him to have silver hair, but it's totally normal for Goofus to have blue hair?

By the way, Yumil having "peculiar features" is important, so remember that.

Ankiseth: It is also told that he took counsel from a foreign sorcerer.

Those of you who are familiar with the series might know who this is.

Ankiseth: It is true that I murdered a noble. And I decided not to say anything unnecessary. That's all.

We can now head straight to the end of the chapter if we'd like, but there's one more optional mission that we'll be doing first. But before that, we have much to discuss!

Naming Time

First of all, I should mention that I switched Ken and Jormungandr’s names. I realized that it makes way more sense for Ryu and Ken to both be dragons rather than have one a dragon and one a wyrm. Jormungandr is now our Wyrm and our Earth Dragon is now Ken. Sorry for the confusion.

Also, we now have a Cleric and a Pumpkinhead that need names. We’ve already got a million Pumpkinhead names, so I’ll pick one of those…but what about a Cleric? Any ideas?

Status Report

Alright, here it is everyone: the fully revamped PANTS Platoon! Let's break this down unit by unit.



Goofus: G&G’s unit isn’t too shabby. Having a Cleric means that this unit isn’t very item-dependent, but it comes at the cost of reduced attack strength…or at least it would if we didn’t have Linus in the back row. Linus’s Pumpkin Shower can reduce enemy units to next to nothing, so truth be told G&G’s unit doesn’t need a lot of attack strength. Goofus’ unit is a good balance between power and survivability and is probably our second best unit overall.

Dio: Dio’s unit is the simplest unit that we have. A healer helps reduce the need for items, but two defensively weak Fencers make it a bit harder than it should be. This hasn’t been as much of a concern since Daisy became a Priest, however. Right now this unit is more of a damage-over-time kind of unit. Daisy is our best healer, which means that this unit can fight multiple battles in a row with little to no risk involved. Ozzy and Luigi are still semi-weak, but once they become Sword Masters (soon) and Dio changes classes (also very soon) this won’t be an issue. The only problem with this unit is its Archer, Gillian. Her alignment is too high to become a Diana, so we need to either figure out a way to get her alignment down or find a different class for her to become (a Princess, perhaps…?).

Leia: Leia’s unit underwent some major changes. You can’t really tell in this screenshot, though…but look!



See? We now have our first Paladin, Troi (Badguy and Mario just need a tiny bit more alignment and then they can become Paladins too). Katreda changed into a Priest as well. Similar to Dio’s unit, this is more of a damage-over-time type of unit. But there’s a lot of room for growth (Leia and WonderWoman are our only spear users so they’ll always be using really good weapons and Paladins are great). Fran is facing the same problem as Gillian, so we’ll need to figure something out there. But in the meantime, this is a solid (if unspectacular) unit. …which is a bit of a surprise, because typically I can never salvage Leia’s unit and it always sucks. But somehow I’ve managed to do it!

Beef Jerky: BJ’s unit is incredible. There’s just one problem…they’re only going to go downhill from here. Kotake and Koume’s combination spells are going to get better, but beasts get less and less useful as the game goes on. Hopefully K/K’s spells will offset this a bit, and I doubt that BJ’s unit will ever get so much worse to the point that they’ll be irrelevant, but it probably won’t be game-breakingly good for the rest of the game.

Lichald: I’ve already talked a lot about this unit. Multiple kinds of combination spells + really strong magic users + a fantastically strong (both offensively and defensively) Black Knight + a strong Berserker = WIN BUTTON. Easily our best and most reliable unit.

Tim: Tim’s unit is a bit of a hodgepodge unit. You may notice that I replaced Waffles with Vad. Vad’s back row attack is very strong, so even though this is now a purely physical unit it doesn’t lose much in terms of strength. We just need to be careful to not get into fighting enemies with high physical defense. This unit will also be getting a lot better once Asnabel becomes a Black Knight and/or Dragoon, Tim becomes an Enchanter, and we capture a new Golem. Technically I could go capture a new Stone Golem right now if I wanted to, but we’re going to hold off and keep using Domino until we can capture a Baldr Golem a few missions from now.

Zinc: Of all of our units that “will be getting better”, Zinc’s is going to improve the most. Right now Zinc needs a Cleric in the back row to help heal the damage Jack inflicts upon himself. We need to have Jack back there to make it easier for Zinc and Ryu to kill things…but once Ryu evolves, everything will change. Ryu will move to the back row to use his completely awesome full screen attack (that also paralyzes), and Jack will move up front. Having a Pumpkinhead up front is admittedly dangerous, but we have a Cleric so it offsets his awful physical defense. Ryu will paralyze/damage everyone, Jack will halve their HP, and Zinc will attack. It’s going to be wonderful.

That setup will only be temporary, though...

Sheen: Sheen is now the leader of our flying unit. Peanut and Harvey will be using their back row attacks (Thunder Arrow and Wind Shot, respectively) to help out Jormungandr and Sheen. This unit is severely underleveled, and even if they catch up they still won’t be anything to write home about…but they can fly, and that will be a big help to us.

Deneb: This is our hodgepodge unit. I had to make Deneb into a Sorceress in order to save this unit from being completely irrelevant. Waffles and Deneb can now use combination magic, and Ken is a fairly strong dragon. We had a random Pumpkinhead left over, so he’s upfront to help reduce the other party’s HP. This unit’s current form will be disbanded before the game is through, but we can count on this unit for base defense and mopping up for now.

So there you have it. Once we get all of the special classes, we’ll be changing this around. Hey, speaking of special classes, who wants some Dragon Armor?!

Sidequestin’

I technically could’ve done this before this last mission, but I completely forgot about it until just now. Let’s head back to Mount Ithaca. Remember that town that was neutral on the east side of the map? That’s where we need to go to meet the armor maker.



Make me some!

Old Man: But, since the ore shortage…I quit forging them. I couldn’t make a living. The ore? It’s an ore called condrite. Condrite is thought to have fallen from the sky in primordial times.

Fallen from the sky in Primordial times? Holy shit, this armor is made out of Lavos!

Old Man: It’s a rare material, but you may be able to find it in the market at Dardunelles.

Blah blah blah. We need to get to Dardunelles on the 6th of the month. Let’s-a-go!



Yo, I gots the illest goods ever dawg. Fuckin’ rare ore and shit, bro.

It cost us 450 goth, but we got the ore and now we just need to head all the way back to Mount Ithaca and have the guy make us some armor and we’ll be set.

Peddler: Thanks, man! Come back when you do.

Or don’t. I don’t give a fuck, I’m rollin’ in it dawg!!

Seriously Atlus, who translated this guy’s dialogue? Because it is awful…

...ly awesome! Give that man a raise!





Why do they give you the option to refuse? Who’s going to go to all this trouble and then go “You know what? I don’t need it.”

Anyway, we’re now 2/3 of the way to getting a Dragoon. And just about time, Asnabel and Wario are wasting time as Berserkers and I don’t have any more Valiant Mantles yet, so I need to get them promoted to something ASAP. If only the Princess quest was this easy.

By the way, with the exception of the one rare item we need for our Lich, we have everything else we need. The mission we can get the Ring of the Dead in is coming up, so look for it soon.

Oh, and let’s go grab the Pedra of Water real quick. After having four units train at Mount Ithaca, G&G runs into a unit with a Hydra. Oh this should be easy, right?



Um…maybe not. This attack puts the entire party to sleep as well as hitting fairly hard. A slight change in formation (which let Linus hit the Hydra with Pumpkin Shower) and I was able to take them down with no problems.

Character limit coming up. There’ll be another update tomorrow sometime. Stay tuned!

Clerics are high alignment and so are princesses, yes? Name our new cleric Serena and if she becomes a princess change it to Serenity! :3 Pwetty pwease?

Deluxe Edition

Sorry I had to cut short last update, but the character limit was coming up. I won’t be able to update all weekend, so I made this one really long to compensate. I’ve also got some special plans for my next update, so be sure to check back next week.

Naming Time

I gave that new Cleric the name Serena as suggested…but I can’t promise that she’ll become our Princess. In fact, before this update is through we’re going to stop using her. I’m not sure who I’m going to have become our Princess yet, but it won’t be her. I named our last Pumpkinhead Pie in order to keep with the whole food item-themed name thing we’ve got going with Pancakes and Waffles.

Sidequestin’

Before we move on, we have a tiny bit of unfinished business to take care of. I forgot to get Vad's special item, Idaten’s Mail. It’s back in the Highland of Soathan from Episode 12.

Old Man: Vad! I didn't expect to see you alive!
Vad: I'm sorry to make you worry.



Vad: However, do not think I've forgotten about my friends! I never will...

Yeah, your friends like some random old guy I've seen in ten different towns.

Old Man: There's no need to say. I understand. I'm sure they'll be successful, as long as you're on their side. I almost forgot!! Let me give this to you. I found this in Castle Ziggiveld a long time ago. It belonged to a Nirdamese soldier.



That's not a question.



And that's a stupid response.



But hey, it was worth it! Idaten's Mail doesn't really do much worth nothing except boost the wearer's AGI a lot, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Let's give it to WhiteMage as a reward for being so awesome.

Next we'll be heading to Mount Keryoleth. Remember this place; we'll be heading here again much later in the game.

Alternate Reality

The interesting thing about this map is that this is where Dio makes his reappearance if he had left our party earlier. If he leaves your party, then Rhade retreats the second time you fight him rather than dying in a curse of unnecessary swears. When you start this map, Rhade is still running away and Dio appears from nowhere (alive and well, at that point the game assumes he is dead) and kills Rhade. He then vows to take his place in the Central Division and disappears...but for how long!? /foreshadowing

But none of that matters because he's still our friend...but it's still interesting to see what could've been, right?

Pointless Exp. Grinding: Mount Keryoleth



We're just here for the experience and items. This map is pretty big and has some nasty units, so we can expect to have some trouble. Goofus will take the northern path along with some others, and BJ will make sure the central road is clear. I'm going to try to use my weaker units (Zinc/Tim/Deneb/Sheen) as much as possible in an effort to boost their levels a bit. Since Lichald is so overpowered already, we'll be leaving him behind to protect our HQ.



Man, we're already under attack? We just started! Did I say Goofus was going north? I changed my mind. He’s going east. That Dragon Master unit has some Goblins in it, so Goofus can hopefully raise his alignment (I need those Paladins, damn it).



Ummm...zombies? I guess?



So far, so good. That Black Knight unit has an Ogre in his unit though...what gives with this map?

See that purple-looking Valkyrie? That's a Freya (an upgraded Valkyrie), and guess what she has with her? Two Cockatrices! Cockatrices are bad news (bears). Their back row attack, Petrify, hits twice per encounter and has a ridiculously high chance of petrifying a unit. Petrification can be cured with items, but if your unit leader is petrified then you can’t use any items and your unit will automatically turn around and head for your HQ.

In short: we need to watch out for those mother fuckers. Always. They may look like giant roosters, but they are seriously evil.

Hey, let's test out that new Pedra of Water!



HOLYCRAPICEWOLVES



HOLYCRAPTIMSUNITISSCREWED

Yeeeeaaah...this is bad. Vad and Domino can still act, so they're not completely defenseless...but Tim is petrified which means we can't use items or change the leader or do, well, anything. Great.



You may notice a whole load of units up north. That’s almost a legion. We'll get into what a legion is next mission (we can use them starting next chapter) but here's the short version: legions are fucking pointless and having five individual units (like the enemy has here) is far more effective.

Goofus is going to mop up those Chaotic units (and hopefully boost his alignment a bit) and then sit the rest of the map out. I've got a lot of units resting at the stronghold next to Goofus, so they can take care of the rest. Deneb can protect Tim and Sheen is taking a stronghold off camera. We’ll be able to make a comeback despite Tim’s unceremonious demise.



Hey, check it out. Ryu is now game breakingly powerful. You’ll see why in a second.



So this is where the shit is about to hit the fan. I've been avoiding taking on those five units, but now they're mostly all that's left.





Gamebreakingly powerful, right here. The damage isn't great but it'll get better over time. The unit-wide paralyze effect is [b]amazing[/b[, however. Even if it did no damage it would be incredible.



Wow, look at that clusterfuck over there. That is going to be an absolute bitch to break up.



Or maybe not. Remember; when in doubt kill the unit's leader!



They've all cornered themselves now. This will be like shooting fish in a barrel, only we have swords and magic and we’re slaughtering people.



For all you Persona 3 fans out there.

Just a matter of time now. I'm still trying to boost Goofus' alignment, and Sheen/Deneb are trying to get all the exp they can.



If that looks like a pitiful 9 damage that's because it is. These Golems' high defense and Peanut/Harvey's lowlevel-ness made for an extremely long battle but it all paid off.



Jormungandr has already become a Wyvern! Unfortunately, Wyverns aren't very strong...but they can fly, so we'll keep him around. So far Sheen is the only one in this unit who can do much of anything, but a few training sessions will fix that.

I accidentally encounter the boss with Deneb's unit while she's chasing the last remaining unit down, but let's just go with it.

Giolse: Humans, what business have you here...? You are not wanted. ...Die!!



You first. Even though Deneb's unit is relatively weak...our Pumpkinhead halved Giolse's HP, Ken attacked him, and Waffles and Deneb finish him off with the combination spell Dark Blaze. That’s some good work there guys! Thanks for not sucking!

Giolse: T, the day of...reckoning is...near...



A new staff! We've got a ton of mages so I'm sure someone can use it. I don’t know what that whole map was about, though…

Also neither will you! This map has no post-battle explanation as to why there were ogres around and who all those soldiers work for. The pre and post battle story of the last episode happen here if you come here first, but then the other map has no story instead. I’m not entirely sure if the Dio-killing-Rhade event switches too, but I’m fairly confident that it does.

Status Report



Ozzy was ready to become our first Sword Master, but Luigi wasn't quite ready yet. I had to train him a few times, but now they are both Sword Masters. The next map is the end of the third chapter, and when that ends, Dio changes his class and gets three attacks as well. Once we figure out what to do with Gillian, Dio’s unit will be kicking some serious ass.

Mario and Badguy are even closer to becoming a Paladin but their damn alignment won't go up fast enough. I had an item that slightly boosts alignment, so I used it on Badguy and made him into a Paladin. We still have a long way to go before I can make Peach a Priest, but once Mario becomes a Paladin as well, that unit’s alignment should start going up much quicker.



WonderWoman is finally able to become a Freya. She’s still not that great but she’s better.



More importantly, Kotake has become our first Siren. Our other Sorceressi are very close to becoming Sirens, but they’re just not quite there yet. Another level up or two will do it.

Hey, this update was pretty short and boring. Next update is this chapter’s big finale…hey, you know what? Let’s do it. Let’s keep going! This next mission is going to be our biggest one yet! Onward, to Westinus! To Castle Tapea! To our destiny!

The Big Confrontation: Westinus



About what?

Leia: Don’t tell me you’re going to fight your own father and your best friend!!
Hugo: You two, calm down!
Goofus: Before we leave for Castle Talpaea, there's something I have to tell you. We rejected the peace accord, and made the decision to fight the Western Division. As you all know, Prince Yumil is my friend, and...General Ankiseth is my father. Honestly, I'd choose not to fight...As a soldier, and commander of this battalion, I understand the importance of this battle. I also understand that we must keep up our spirits...we must keep up morale at all costs. ...I...



This is plot-wise the most important choice in the game. The choice we made regarding Frederick affected the most characters we could recruit, but this choice affects the plot in radical ways. In order to get Biske the Werewolf, we have to choose to follow orders so this decision was already made ages ago. On the positive side of things, choosing to fight makes this mission a little less stressful (for reasons I will explain later).

Goofus: I will follow the orders. Since there is no way to avoid battle now, I can't let personal feelings control my action. I've made up my mind. But...I don't want to take my father's or Yumil's life. Will you help me?
Hugo: Goofus, you are our commander. There is nobody here who wouldn't help you. ...Am I correct?

You are right Mr. Fettucini!



Yeah, shut up Hugo!

Dio: I'm right here with ya.
Hugo: Case closed. Now, let me explain the situation.



This map is a pain in the ass. We'll encounter our first legion on this map...what's a legion, you ask?

Legion 101

Legions are, essentially, a group of 2-5 units. Only very specific units can lead a legion. The Centurion, a weak and extremely hard to get class, is the only non-special character who can lead a legion. Legion leaders choose a formation for their legion, and can place up to four additional units in this formation. One of the catches of the legion is that the leader's unit must have at least one group of Soldiers in it (I think it’s actually two groups of Soldiers, but I can’t remember). The Centurion is a hard to get class because in order to be eligible to change to it, a regular unit must have led a unit and promoted seven Soldiers. Legions are nice because they allow you to give orders for multiple units at once. Each time one of the regular units is attacked the Soldiers from the core unit do a Supportive Attack...but they're also a liability since legions cannot break formation ever and that leaves them susceptible to back and side attacks. The Supportive Attack is usually really weak as well (it typically does 1 damage to all enemies). There's really no reason why you should ever use a legion, unless if you're really so lazy that you can't be bothered issuing individual orders.

Back to the Action

Alright, let's figure out a plan here. Hugo mentioned that a group of elite units was to the north of our HQ so he must be referring to the legion. Lichald will need to head north then. Goofus can protect our base, and Sheen is an ideal candidate to head over the mountains and capture the stronghold to the east. We won't really need to leave anyone behind for the entire map as long as we can capture the first few strongholds. We can then intercept any units headed for our HQ as long as we keep those covered. This map is guaranteed to get dicey, but I'm confident that the PANTS Platoon will pull through.



Yep, there's that legion alright. You can't see the whole thing yet, but don't worry...it'll find us.



Look at this unit guarding the stronghold I was going to send Sheen too...there's no way he can beat that. Granted, that unit can't do any damage but Sheen's unit is weak as it is. There's no way he can fight off two Witches that are capable of Paralyzing and three healers. That's a tall order for any of my units. Sheen will be heading over the river to the stronghold to the east instead.



Paladin: You will not interfere with our plans! We protect Prince Yumil and Sir Ankiseth, even at the cost of our lives!!

Oh, really?



Let me know how that's working out for you, jackass.



There's that legion I was talking about. This is a small one so we shouldn’t have any trouble. Later on we’ll run into five unit legions and breaking up those up can be a pain in the ass. I temporarily left Goofus behind to guard our HQ, and in doing so I accidentally made the best decision I've ever made. Deneb fought a unit in the south, and it was pushed backwards...right on top of our HQ! Thankfully Goofus was there to fight it off but that would've been an instant game over if he hadn't been there.



To make the situation even more bizarre, Goofus' victory pushed the unit directly into Leia's! What is this, pinball?



Thankfully, Troi and Leia act like Wizards when they're in the back row, so this is a game of Pinball we're definitely going to win.

I am so clever.



Oh Lichald. Lichald and the gang kill all but two of these guys, and they're both near death. Can anyone stop this whirling dervish of destruction!?



So...Deneb is having trouble catching up to that BK, Leia and Dio have taken those strongholds, Sheen is on target, and Tim and Lichald have successfully broken up the enemy legion. Things are looking good!

Two full screen Blue Spirals + Lichald/Wario = Complete RAPE



Good news! Having Deneb head back there paid off and Ken turned into an Azhi Dhaka! Now we've got two fully evolved dragons! This is great news, and you can expect to see some major changes in unit formation coming up (note that Ken is fatigued so he’s normally stronger than that). Remember all that stuff I’ve been planning? Yeah, forget it. It’s all going to change now.



We've got a lot of stragglers hanging around that I want to have Deneb mop up so her unit can get some experience. I want Zinc to fight that Archmage unit so her alignment can go up (Zinc is tilting Chaotic and we need to get her back to Neutral or better so she can become a Dragon Master)...and now we've got a legion to worry about! That's okay, Lichald is nearby. He'll take care of it.



See what was I talking about with legions? Legion's have one fatigue gauge for the whole thing, and while they were walking into the stronghold, I was able to side attack this Paladin because they must always be in formation. Not very effective.



Here's that Supportive Attack I was talking about. It typically does 1 damage to everyone, even mages. It’s completely pointless.



Here's Kotake and Koume's new combination spell, Inferno. Despite the name, no fire is involved in any fashion. Yeah, I don’t know either.



Those units on the left are all waiting for Deneb to mop up, Zinc is going to take on the Archmage finally, and Goofus will head forward to take on that Ninja Master unit (which should bump Mario alignment up just enough to become a Paladin hopefully). Sheen is almost to his target up north, too.



Alright, this is it. I'm going to have Sheen take care of that unit and then it is boss time. Thanks to us following orders, we've had plenty of time to take care of this map. Not so if you disobey! More on that later. Leia's unit is the lowest leveled out of good units, so we'll send her to fight Ankiseth. Ankiseth is right up front so he should be easy to take out anyway.

Prince Yumil: I see you have come this far.
Leia: Prince Yumil...we have defeated the Western Division. I beg you to surrender. We do not wish to harm you.



Couldn't we have had tea and cookies instead? I've got Earl Grey!

Yumil: Why didn't the Revolutionary Army accept the peace accord? I thought we were aiming for the same goal.
Leia: The Revolutionary Army's determination is so strong that it cannot be easily stopped. It was necessary, for maintaining unity without losing its morale. ...Please understand.

Ankiseth: Fools! Can you not lead your troops without an enemy? This is dangerous. Please step back, my lord.



It took a bit of work...

...and the help of White Fang, but we did it in one encounter. Good work, Leia!



A Blessed Sword? I have a million of those...is this a joke!? I guess so, and it's on me.

The Melodramatic Part

*Goofus runs in*
Yumil: Ankiseth! *noticing him* ...Goofus.
Ankiseth: Goofus...you've become strong. Listen, Goofus. Take Yumil to the Revolutionary Army. His royal blood, the blood of the Progenitor, will be valuable. And...change the Revolutionary Army. Right now, it is nothing more than a band of rebels.
Yumil: What are you saying, Ankiseth!?



I don't know what anyone is saying in this game, no.

Ankiseth: You cannot just defy authority. This must be a confrontation between right and wrong, not a mere battle between lower and upper class. My lord, our army is defeated.



Wait, who is that behi...





This motherfucker RIGHT HERE!!! What did I tell you!? I told you all!

Ankiseth: Agh!!
Goofus: Father!
*Baldwin knocks out Yumil*



Baldwin: We can't let the Revolutionary Army have him.
Ankiseth: B, Baldwin...you bastard!
Goofus: Release Yumil!
Baldwin: ...I've heard about, Goofus.

Have you heard that I'm going to kick your ass? Because I am!

Baldwin: I have no time for you now. Don't worry...we will meet again.
*Baldwin escapes via some kind teleport magic*

Ankiseth: Goofus...
Goofus: Father! ...Don't try to talk!!
Ankiseth: I'm sorry...Goofus.





Goofus: Of course not. She loved you...'til the end...
Ankiseth: ...I see. It is too late, but...I wanted to tell her...that I was sorry. Goofus...Help...Help Yumil for me.
Goofus: I will, I promise. Please...save your strength...

When I was 14, this was absolutely heart wrenching. It still kind of is. You can keep your "I cried during Aeris' death!" stories to yourself; all the cool kids cried during Ankiseth's death.

A New Beginning

Narrative: By the actions of the PANTS Platoon, the Revolutionary Army was able to gain possession of the Western Region.



Narrative: They evacuated Castle Talpaea and withdrew to Mount Ithaca.

In other words, we can't go to the Azure Plains (Episode 15), Mount Keryoleth, or Westinus (both from this Episode) anymore.

Narrative: Three weeks later...The Revolutionary Army gained the support of a large portion of the populace, mostly lower class, and the soldiers of the Palatinean Army as well.



You can tell they're defecting because Goofus is acting friendly! Hurray for pantomime!

Narrative: The Revolutionary Army became a force equal to the Central Division, but many factors still remained uncertain, such as the intentions of the Eastern Orthodox Church and Lodis.



So does that mean we get to fight Bane this chapter?

Narrative: Winnea, Capital of Palatinus



Retinue: They're all written in the ancient sacred script. We have no doubts about their credibility...

Obiviously they're talking about that mix tape I made. Honestly it's a little embarrassing to see them talking about it like this. It is really, really good though.

Prince Amrius: But you're telling us that nothing can be done, until we know the exact location of the Temple of Berthe?

Protip: Berthe is the God of the Earth in the Ogre Battle universe.

Retinue: We did not find any information on the temple. I can't help but think that it's kept by the Eastern Orthodox Chruch...
King Procus: Sealed underground library, and the scattered documents. Twofold security, a pathetic attempt to conceal the knowledge...Have we heard anything from Celesis!? What is Kerikov doing?

Remember that guy. Hell, remember all of this. This is all pretty important. As confusing as things have been so far, you haven't seen anything yet.

Retinue: We haven't heard anything yet, Your Highness...



Real Ultimate Power?

Amrius: We will relive the legend of the Progenitor! We will win back our kingdom!! Now is the time to break the Progenitor's seal on the Temple of Berthe!! My King, I beseech you to make the decision!
Random Guard: I can't let you pass...I must confirm it with..
Voice: ...Out of my way!!



Baldwin!? And...two other guys?! This can't be good, now can it?



Richard: Were you talking about something you did not want me to hear?
King Procus: N...No. I would never...
Richard: ...Fine. I am here to deliver a decree.

Richard: You's all my bitches. That is all!

Richard: Effective today, the kingdom of Palatinus is stripped of its autonomy. Palatinus is under the complete control of the Holy Lodis Empire. By order of the Pope himself. You will follow all orders issued by the Triumvirate. You have no freedom to act without permission. ...Any questions?

Yeah, where the fuck do you get off?

Amrius: Wh...whatis this all about, Sir Richard!? Did we not devote ourselves to serving Lodis? But now you rob us of our autonomy? THat wasn't the bargain!!
Richard: Do you not realize you have committed a grievous crime...? We, the Holy Lodis Empire, do not tolerate heretics or their pagan beliefs! ...And the kingdoms that created them as well! The Revolutionary Army defies our policy, the Zenobians and Bolmaukans cooperate with them...and the appearance of the demons...the Ogres!

Yeah, even though that was all Baldwin's doing (see Episode 9/10)

Richard: Palatinus should be destroyed, but instead we have decided to take other measures. ...What do you have to complain about!?
Procus: Y, you are absolutely right.
Amrius: Father!
Richard: We will give you further instructions later. ...Understood? Until then, make preparations to surrender this castle.



I...uh, kind of missed it but Amrius pulled his sword out and tried to kill Richard. Random Templar Knight knocked it out of his hand though.

Richard: I will forgive your insolence this time. ...You should discipline your children better.
Procus: ...Y...Yes!!
Richard: Are things proceeding as planned, Baldwin?
Baldwin: Pruflas is already on the next step. The plan is progressing without delay. As soon as preparations are complete, we will be on our way as well.
Richard: Failure is unacceptable. ...Remember. Those who are incompetent do not deserve to exist. THey are subject to termination. And that applies...to my own brother as well.
Baldwin: ...

Man, maybe Richard is even more of a dick than Baldwin?



Yeah, we all agreed that we were going to get Domino's, not Pizza Hut! Their sauce isn't as good!

Xevec: The Central Division's the only one left that stands in our way! With the help of the Eastern Orthodox Church, our victory will be guaranteed. Am I wrong?
Frederick: Since our current military strength equals that of the Central Division, it is now possible to make peace with them. Palatinus will suffer heavily if we go into war. And it is the Central Region that will suffer the most. They should realize that, too. We must avoid any further battles, for the sake of this kingdom!
Xevec: Sure, we may be on par with them at this moment. But what if the Eastern Orthodox joins forces with the Central Division? Besides, are you taking into account those deserters from the Western Division that joined us? ...We can't rely on them! You never know when they'll turn against us.

Remember this line.

Goofus: It wasn't their will to fight us in the first place. And now, they have made up their minds to fight alongside us. ...Why do you still doubt them?
Xevec: All I'm saying is that we can't trust them that easily. We are grateful to them for teaching us their tactics, but...that's not enough. You people are so softhearted. I bet you'd accept the Central Region's offer to negotiate without a second thought. ...If they would, that is.
Goofus: ...We're not as belligerent as you are.



That Xevec totally just got played!

Random Chick: that the troops of the Central Division are advancing toward this area.
Xevec: Well, shit! ...There goes the peace accord out the window. I'll ask the Eastern Orthodox Church for assistance. Any problems, Frederick?
Frederick: ...Alright, go ahead.
Xevec: I don't care who, but I need someone to head for Celesis. Get the entire Eastern Orthodox Church to work for us, including Archbishop Odiron himself! Goofus, take care of the Central Division! ...I'll be counting on you.
Goofus: Frederick, ...why? Why did the Central Division choose to fight us?
Frederick: The duty of those who keep the kingdom under control...their pride as the upper class...there are many possible reasons, but...who was involved in the battle at Castle Talpaea and kidnapped Prince Yumil?
Goofus: ...!! Lodis has begun exercising control over Palatinus?
Frederick: Most likely. If that's the case, then it is understandable as to why the ignored the risk and took such an action.

Time to head back to the Dardunelles...but first, let's check out the PANTS Platoon.

Status Report



Dio has changed class and now has three attacks up front. Technically Leia and Goofus changed classes too, but you wouldn't be able to tell by looking at them. Goofus gets two middle row attacks now instead of one, and Leia has two front/middle row attacks as well…but that doesn’t really matter because they’re both up front so they both still have two attacks. All three of them gain better stats at level up, but other than that there's no real difference except for Dio's three attacks. At the start of the final chapter, Goofus changes class and really changes, but that's ten-something missions away. Maybe even more than that.

*deep, soul searching moment*

Alright, executive decision time. Deneb's alignment is really high from spending time with Goofus and I can't get it back down. She's not a bad Sorceress, but she is eligible to become a Priest...so screw it. We're doing it. I can't seem to get Peach's alignment up no matter what I do so...I'm sorry Mario, but she has to go. Deneb will taking her place as healer for Goofus' unit.

Both Fran and Gillian are too high alignment to become Dianas, so we need to either get their alignment down or just stop using them.

Alright, I've got an idea. Tim, Zinc, and Deneb's units are getting disbanded.



You can't see Goofus' unit, but it's the same as before except for the aforementioned Deneb/Peach swap. BJ's unit is offscreen too, but it's also unchanged. Fran and Gillian have been replaced with Jack and Pie respectively. Now Leia and Dio’s units are essentially the same as Goofus’, but that’s not a bad thing at all. Real changes have been made to Tim and Zinc's units. Zinc now has Vad in the back row and Gillian in the middle. Gillian is mega Lawful, Vad is neutral, Zinc is tilting Chaotic (which is NOT the direction we want her to go), and Ryu is tilting Lawful. I'm hoping that the peer pressure aspect of alignment will raise Zinc's alignment allowing her to become a Dragon Master and lower Gillian's so she can become a Diana. A Diana wouldn't work too well in this unit, but I'm sure I could find a place for it somewhere else. The two of them only need their alignment to change slightly, so hopefully this will work.

Tim's unit has also received an overhaul. Vad was replaced with Waffles and Domino was replaced with Ken.



Tim finally became an Enchanter, which means that he needs to be upfront to get three attacks. Physical attacks against the party will now be split up between Asnabel, Tim, and Ken which means Asnabel probably won't be dying anymore. We need to get Waffles' alignment down so he can turn into an Archmage, though. Another scary thing is that we should already have found a second Valiant Mantle by now but we haven’t. There’s only one guaranteed Mantle in the entire game and we have it. I can make Wario or Asnabel into a Dragoon but…whichever one I don’t choose may be stuck as a Berserker forever.

That last unit is all of the leftovers: Fran, Peach, Serena, and Domino. I don't have any plans for them. They're just going to hang back and perpetually guard our HQ. Hey, it's better than sitting on the sidelines doing nothing right?

There’s more I want to talk about but…well, this has already been an extremely long update, hasn’t it? Next time I’ll be covering the next leg of our Dragoon quest, the alternate version of what happens regarding Ankiseth, the debut of the Ogre Battle AV Club, and our next mission. Look for it soon!

Holy update Batman!

/rimshot

Wow, this is a pretty great Let's Play, sorry I hadn't even looked at it till today. Definitely one of my favorites, especially as I don't think I'd ever play this one.

I know you said vampires are pretty bad...but I can't get the name "Vlad Dude" out of my head after the Vad/Dude RNG magic.