Let's Battle Ogres! (Ogre Battle 64)

Really, really gay.



Do we need to have a talk about the ellipses again, Atlus? You're killing me, here.



And then we get to see the game's opening scene again, only this time everything is in wonderful TECHNICOLOR!

Goofus stops daydreaming about the past, and we're presented with this:



We need to capture the two Forts in the south before we can march on Winnea...but there is a "huge mass" of troops headed our way. This is it; this is where the Central Division meets its untimely end at the hands of the PANTS Platoon. It's time to drop the hammer and dispense some indiscriminate justice.



Holy crap on a cracker! This is overkill right here. To make matters worse, there's a third legion just down the road that's headed towards us. Luckily for us, once we defeat these three legions, the only enemies we'll have left to fight are the two bosses and two extra units.

It was hard to tell what was going on so I won't post the screenshot but...Pancakes is now doing 120-130 on the entire enemy party with White Mute. That's pretty re-god-damn-diculous.



Goofus/Lichald/Daisy are having an easy time busting up the bigger legion, but Dio and BJ's lack of defense is hurting them a bit. Nothing to be terribly concerned about, but we're actually going to have to use items to get around this one. Can you believe it? Items at this point in the game? That’s a tiny bit worrying.



Well, there goes most of the enemy. There are a few stragglers and the third legion left…it hasn't even been a day yet and we've already eliminated half of the enemy forces.



Look who the boss is...a Knight of Danika. And remember those Seraphs everyone wants me to pick up? Well, here are some Angel Knights (which you need to have before you can make Seraphs). But these Angel Knights don't always show up. Only if you clear all of the optional missions before heading to Latium do the Knights of Danika appear as the bosses for this map. I had to do those maps first so I could get the Knights of Danika here and then so I could use the Love & Peace item to recruit the Angel Knights.

…at least, that’s what I would be saying, except Knights of Danika are immune to Love & Peace. So we still can’t get Angel Knights. Sorry everyone. We didn’t do those other maps for nothing, though. We’ve now got the best equipment you can get in the game (for the most part).

It's also worth noting that if you're going through a high CF playthrough, you have to beat all of the optional missions first or else you'll fight two Paladins as the bosses of this map. Fighting those Paladins instead of the Knights of Danika results in an automatic 10 point CF decrease. Beating all of the optional maps is the only way to beat this map without losing any CF.

I've neglected to mention it before but there are many events in that game that arbitrarily affect your CF. For example, having Carth join raises your CF by 10. Having him offer but rejecting his offer lowers it by 10. Killing him (if you choose not to speak with him in the forest and you do not have a low CF then he is the boss of Ptia) does not change the CF at all. Beating the Blue Basilica map is an automatic 10 point decrease no matter what you do. There's a ton of events in the game that affect your CF, which are all very thoroughly detailed here. It's worth checking out if you're ever going for a 100% playthrough. But if you’re doing that, I suggest you go look into a mirror and ask yourself what the hell you’re doing.



Things are almost wrapped up here. Goofus is heading south to liberate the last remaining stronghold while Zinc/Europea are mopping up. Normally I wouldn't bother, but the unit guarding this last stronghold has the best two handed axe/hammer in the game, and Lichald NEEDS it.



Booya. We've found some other good items this map, but since I've spent roughly 2/3 of this LP talking about how much I want to hold Lichald and caress him softly, I figured that you might all want to see this.

Okay, NOW we're ready to move on. Depending on which Knight you kill first, you get a different reward at the end of map. Luckily for us, we don't really need either so let's bleed them real slow.

Knight of Danika: REVOLUTIONARY ARMY, STAY AWAY FROM WINNEA. DO NOT INTERFERE WITH THE WISHES OF LADY DANIKA.

You left Caps Lock on. Here.



Let me help you with that.

Round 2! Let's go!

Knight of Danika: STOP TORMENTING LADY DANIKA. FOLLOW HER, AND SERVE HER.

OKAY. LET ME THINK ABOUT IT.



NAH, FUCK THAT.



Wow, Dragon Armor. That's great. Thanks guys. *sigh*

There's not much in terms of story for this map. Goofus interrogates a Red Knight and finds out that the "Divine Plan" is to cast the "Forbidden Spell". And only "The Chosen" can cast "The Spell". Yumil says that it's "almost" ready, but then Zeda ominously “teleports” in as the scene fades out. What does it all mean?!

And am I the only one who's starting to get sick of this stuff? Just do it already! Stop talking about it.

Next time on Let's Battle Ogres: a Siege Mission, and more plot twists and turns than you can shake a stick at!

P.S. Do you guys really want a Gorgon unit? I mean...now? The game's almost over. There's only six more maps to go and now you want a new unit? By the time I get it operational, the game will be over.

Nah, screw the gorgon.

I guess I should cut Zel some slack over in the Shiny Gold thread if professionals are doing it.

No slack should be cut. Elipses are a slippery slope! If you give people a pass on them, we get shit like the end of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, which was a crime against punctuation everywhere.

Possibly, but it's also my favorite Harry Potter book!

What you should do is go to Argent and hunt down a Sphinx. They're hilariously broken.

On that note:



This is the most recent incarnation of my team. There have been some significant changes since last I showed it.

The big news here is the addition of a flying unit. I mentioned before that I managed to steal some Angel Knights from the enemy; they're now Seraphs. I had integrated them into my regular units well enough, but after I caught some Sphinxes I noticed that I was one flying character away from being able to put together a solid flying unit, so I hunted down a Vultan, raised him up, and put him on the front row. Sphinxes cast powerful spells (the game says they pick the spell that would be strongest against the target, but I've never seen them use anything other than Dark Quest) and Seraphs are like mini-Dragons in the back row, so what we have here is a unit that can fly and is only slightly less powerful than my groundbound units. It also has the minor advantage of allowing me to use the powerful one-handed axes that have just been taking up space in my inventory since I stopped using Berserkers.

Mulder's unit has also been Sphinxified. Scully the Cerberus was retired after many missions of faithful service and replaced with Scully 2, a Sphinx. (Sphinxes count as Beasts.) Mulder himself is now a Swordmaster, and Gilbert, the final Zenobian, has replaced him as my only Beast Master. And, of course, we also have an Annihilation-wielding Lich in the back row. This unit is virtually unstoppable -- it got to where I've left it on base duty for the past couple of missions because I felt guilty about using it against the unsuspecting computer.

Magnus, Dio, and Ankiseth's teams: Unchanged, and fairly standard. Dio might have my weakest unit, and it attacks 12 times per round.

Leia's unit has been significantly restructured. (In fact, Leia is no longer even the leader.) I used Europea's unit unchanged for a while, then cannibalized it once I got the last three Zenobians in order to beef up some of my other units. Europea and Leia are now fighting under the leadership of a Princess, who alleviates their biggest weakness: Their lack of attacks. This unit went from being kind of meh to one of my very best.

Maybe it was the way I used it, but my Double Dragon unit kind of sucked, so I dumped one of the dragons and added my best Paladin and my best Siren (Meredia) to it. Meredia's got a Drakonite tome, so what usually happens is that she and the Quetzacoatl weaken the entire enemy unit, and the Paladin and Dragon Master clean up the stragglers. It doesn't look like much, but it's more effective than it looks.

Asnabel's unit shipped out Vad and now has Saradin, Rincewind, and Dr. McNinja casting combo magic on the back row with one of Europea's former Paladins (now a Swordmaster) joining Asnabel (the Black Knight) on the front row.

I've been ever-so-slightly disappointed in the Slayers. They're unchanged except that Gourry is now a Dragoon (wielding a Sword of Light -- er, Virtue -- even!), but Xellos has been underwhelming and the fact that Amelia wasn't always a magic-user is starting to show. They can still crush most units, but as far as chaotic units go they don't really compare to Gilbert or Asnabel's units.

Unit 10 has Debonair and Destin. Both of these guys are ridiculous, regularly scoring 100+ damage a hit. They're being backed up by Liedel (wielding the petrification bow), another Diana, and Vad. I've been kind of addicted to the idea of making a unit where all the characters have three attacks... This one might be my best shot.

I have only a few worries.

1) Vad basically sucks. His damage has really dropped off in the last couple of missions. I'd replace him, but I really don't have anyone better.

2) I've got an extra Drakonite spellbook that I don't know who to give to. Currently, Meredia, the Princess, and the Lich all have one; they're the only casters in their respective units. Giving the last spellbook to one of my other casters results in breaking up the combo magic (and making my Ninja Masters basically worthless).

I could probably beat the game with this team, but I've been thinking about breaking up either Ankiseth or Destin's unit and using them to strengthen other units, then making a unit out of the rejects to serve as a full-time base guard. I'll have to think about it.

Gilbert, the Enchanter, and Vad are holding you back. Do you really need them? I know you're going for a high-CF playthrough, so without knowing each character's alignment I can't give any serious recommendations...but here's something you might want to think about/possibly adapt depending on alignment issues:

- Disband Gilbert's unit, and ditch Gilbert.

- Move McNinja to the Enchanter's spot.
- Boot the Enchanter.
- Give the Lich to the Dragoon unit.

- Ditch Vad.
- Give the Sword Master to Destin's unit.

- I can't see what's in the Black Knight unit, but presumably there's a Ninja Master paired with Saradin/the Archmage. Ditch the Archmage or Saradin (whichever is weaker...probably Saradin since you can change the Archmage's staff and you should be able to give him some awesome stuff at this point) and the Ninja Master.
- Move the Sphinx there instead.

- Give your spare Drakonite book to either one of the Sirens or to the Archmage/Saradin. I'd recommend the Archmage/Saradin, since your Lich would be in the same unit as the Siren and two Drakonite spells in one unit is overkill.

I'd write more, but to be fairly honest, I'm TRASHED right now. I'm surprised I've even been able to write this much. I was originally planning for an update tonight but...you know, trashed. Update coming soon, I promise.

Sorry I haven't been updating that much lately. Work has been an absolute bitch lately, and I've been busy with Castle Crashers, replaying KOTOR (I got it back), and Rock Band. We're really damn close to the end, and it's time I seal the deal on this LP. To be honest though, I had to take a bit of a breather...writing an LP for a game this long and detailed is arduous, to say the least. This next map is WILDLY different depending on the choices you've made in the game. Be sure to check the section at the end of today's update to see just how different things play out in a high-CF playthrough. But for now, it's time we go say hi to our ex-boyfriend, Prince Yumil.

The Princes of the Universe: Winnea, the Capital of Palatinus



What?! Aww man we are screwed!



This map is a lot bigger than our previous outing in Fort Romulus. There’s still gates to bust and spots to rest. Otherwise it’s pretty much the same.



Goofus takes his bitches Zinc and Europea with him to the north, while the rest of the PANTS Platoon heads to open the southern gate.



Goofus and Friends are able to take the northern gate down...



...while Sheen finds himself surrounded. Will he be able to defend himself?!



There's no real need to show this screenshot except for this: Zinc's unit is still good. Their damage may not have ever been that great, but they still have the ability to absolutely shut enemy units down. It's a different kind of good. They can't obliterate like the Drakonite-equipped units can, but they can outlast just about anyone.



About damn time you guys started using combination magic! I've had you together for a few maps now and NOW you get your act together! Pricks.



Two leaderless units and a Siren? No problem. Daisy, I choose you!

Daisy: Daisy!

Daisy, Annhilation Attack!





Good job! Daisy, Return!

Daisy: Daisy Daisy!

By the way, Sheen just criticalled for 200+ damage. That's Lichald-levels of strength and this is from a character without the Helm of the Fearless. We're past the point where we really need a flying unit anymore...and having Sheen get three attacks would be incredible. Maybe Sheen and Carth's units can be combined somehow...imagine the power! Imagine!

Three backrow/healing Paladins and two middle row Knights? Are they serious? Eat meteor, dorks. This shit killed the dinosaurs. What do you hope to accomplish?

In a related story, Rumpus' damage has REALLY started to drop off. Our Paladins are dealing more damage than he is now. BJ is still doing okay, but Rumpus might need to get put down soon.

By the way, Harvey is dead. That is all.





With both gates down, there's not much keeping us from Procus and Yumil. Just a few units and it'll be Plot City.



Two Goblins, a Sorceress, and a Young Dragon. They aren't even trying! Come on!



There's the last gate. For dramatic effect, Goofus is going to head on alone.

Can he do it?! Can Goofus defeat the demons and make his way to King Procus the Mad?! Can he defeat him before the evils that threaten Palatinus triumph?!



Procus: Finally, you come before me...you're the cause of all this! If you hadn't been there...if you hadn't protected Yumil...Amrius would've succeeded the throne, and I would've spent my remaining years in peace!

He's right, actually. Well...except that Amrius was a douchebag and it would've meant killing a child to get that "peace". So I dunno. Anyway, Goofus' response is essentially a really long "I am rubber and you are glue,” and the fight gets underway.

Goofus and the Gang promptly took Procus down to 5 HP, at which point Pancakes served him a heaping helping on icicles. Needless to say, his ass? It's like grass.

Procus: Damn it...but it's too late.

The next two screenshots are unedited. I did not remove any lines of dialogue.





“It’s too late! …wait, why isn’t it too late yet!?” Haha, could’ve used some better editing guys.

Yumil: Father, I'm sorry...it is not my intention to use the spell against them. Besides...



Yumil: You cannot stop me.



Way to completely ruin another emotional moment, Atlus.

Holy Oedipus, Batman!



...except who? The Boogey Man? The Flash? Dr. Horrible? Scott Baio?! The suspense is killing me!



It isn't Mary Poppins, I can tell you that much.

Yumil: Why...why did you have to come here? I won't let anyone stand in my way...even you.
G&G: Wait, Yumil! Is it really necessary for us to fight? Did you...succumb to the darkness?!

I like how he has to ask him if he's evil or not. That's typically the sort of thing you can just tell, you know? And why isn't curious about where Procus went? He wasn't in the room when he died...yet he's not worried when he follows him into a room and finds only Yumil?



Hey, he's king now! Good job buddy! You got what you always wanted. Too bad I'm about to murder you.

Yumil: …darkness. That was the ultimate power, the same power that I have gained...with this, I will accomplish my goal!

What...what is that goal anyway? Yeah you were gonna destroy Lodis but then what? Just be king? Take over the world? What comes next? I'm not very convinced that I should even be fighting you. You're still a huge vagina.

G&G: To invoke the forbidden spell...to eliminate all who stand in your way...is that really your goal?
Yumil: If so, then what?
G&G: I'll stop you!!



Bring it. Bring it on.



I tried to warn you. So did Goofus! You should've seen this coming.



I've been hoarding those statues all game. Before the last level, I'm going to pump Goofus up to ridiculous levels. It's going to be awesometacular.

G&G: Yumil...



Mari: Yumil hasn't given in to the darkness!

We know, bitch. Who the hell invited you?

Exactly. Get the eff out.

Mari: I am the caretaker of Yumil. My lord...accepted his fate and gained the ultimate power for the sake of this kingdom.

Oh, so this is Suikoden now? No, you leave that fate shit out of this game. You leave that right out.

G&G: Isn't the ultimate power...that of the netherworld, the power attained by those who fall in the way of the darkness?
Mari: You're misunderstood.

I am?

Mari: The power my lord holds...that is the true ultimate power. Yumil is Danika's...
Yumil: Stop, Mari. I'll tell him.

You know what? I don't care what you are or what power you have. Because whatever it is, I just managed to wipe the floor with you. Obviously this power isn't that "ultimate" now is it?



Yumil: Long ago, when Danika become the queen of the netherworld...Berthe, out of compassion, divided Danika's body into five parts, and imprisoned her deep within the earth. Her arms and legs changed form into Knights of Danika, who became keepers of the chaos gate and kept watch over the netherworld. And separated from her body, her soul went into a deep sleep...

They’re…her arms? And…nah, screw it. Maybe it’s better to not think about it.

G&G: That's the legend of the goddesses Berthe and Danika...the apocrypha!

The what?

G&G: The apocrypha!

Oh. What is that?

G&G: The apocrypha!

…are you okay?

G&G: The apocrypha!
Yumil: By chance, the Progenitor came-

Alright, this is really getting boring. Let's cut to the chase here. The Progenitor found the chaos gate by accident, he made a pact to give one of his descendants to Danika in exchange for the so-called ultimate power, and Yumil is that descendant. Yumil is Danika in a reincarnated form and he's never technically been human. Yumil's plan was to somehow wipe out the netherworld and his family in order to erase any trace of this ever happening, but I guess we went and screwed that up. Goofus is understandably confused, but Yumil goes on to say that he would've killed himself and then everything would have ended.



Zeda: Why do you refuse!? Were you not the soul of Lady Danika herself? Then I have no use for you! I'll offer you...your life to our Lady Danika!!



Obligatory Star Wars reference.



G&G: Yumil...are you alright, Yumil!?
Yumil: Goofus, please listen to me. Now that the Knights of Danika are dead, when I die...all that is left is the seal on the ruins.



Yumil: You must relax, Goofus. This is extremely important...Danika is an unstable being...she is a demigoddess, and the queen of the netherworld. If she does return as queen, the battle against the netherworlders will spread throughout the world...
G&G: Ogre Battle...

That's right, it's up to us to stop the Ogre Battle from returning!

Yumil: I have been...and always shall be...your friend. Live long and prosper.



G&G: Hey, Yumil. When I get back...can I serve you?

…in bed! Ha! It always works!

G&G: You promised, remember...? You said you'd let me be a knight. Did you forget?



I think he's dead, dude.



Briefing time! We beat the Central Division! The Revolution is over! Hurray! Oh, right. Wait. We need to stop the Ogre Battle from returning. Come on, Frederick! Let us go!

Hmm. This sounds awfully familiar to that talking-to Destin and Gilbert gave us. I wonder if this is some sort of foreshadowing that is a direct result of how we've played through the game? Eh, could just be my imagination.

Alternate Reality

Okay, a lot of things can alter this map. First of all, if you have a high-CF, then the scene where Procus asks Yumil why he hasn’t cast the spell and then Yumil blows him up happens at the beginning of the map. You can only fight Procus in a low-CF playthrough.

Second of all, there are only four Knights of Danika (one for each arm and leg). So if you did not fight the Knights of Danika as the bosses of the previous map, then you fight all four when you fight Yumil. This is true for both high and low CF playthroughs.

After fighting Yumil, things change depending on your CF. If you have a high-CF, then Mari becomes controlled by some mysterious power and runs Yumil through. Zeda appears and kidnaps her similarly to how she did in our version of the scene. So it’s basically the same, only Zeda forces Mari to kill Yumil instead of Zeda simply doing it herself.

Also, if you’re doing a low-CF playthrough, but you have Ankiseth, then Ankiseth runs in and kills Procus instead of Yumil. At least supposedly. I know I’ve done this, but I can’t quite remember if it’s true or not…it’s been a while since I’ve taken Ankiseth with me on a low-CF path. But anyway, a reliable source tells me that this is the case.

Status Report



I made some changes to the Platoon. We were getting a bit bloated for my tastes. Zinc, BJ, and Europea’s units just weren’t cutting it.

Rumpus is gone. He sucks too much now. He was invaluable in the early game, but man…he’s terrible now. In his place, Jolee and Revan from Carth’s unit have moved in. This unit may lack attacks (Jolee/Revan/Beef Jerky only get two each) but we have a great caster (Waffles), great defense (Jolee and Revan), and a great healer (Katreda). Waffles will be able to carry this unit damage-wise and everyone else can help out/absorb damage. They’ll be fine.

Sheen and Europea’s units got broken up. Serena is by far our worst Priest, so she got moved to our brand new secondary HQ defense unit. Luc went with her. He made a better Paladin. Sure, he’s not bad as a Sword Master…but he’s not good enough to make it in the new and improved PANTS Platoon. Jean is, but just barely…he’s on thin ice too. Jean and Gillian will be taking Ken’s place in Zinc’s unit. Ken is still good, but he takes up too much space. We’d be better off with two above average characters rather than one above average one. Even if he is a bad ass dragon.

Sheen’s unit (Sheen in particular) has been doing great, but the lack of attacks is dragging his unit down. Sheen and Europea are now in Carth’s unit to benefit from Daisy’s extra attacks. Mission is weaker than Gillian, so she’s in here to benefit from getting four attacks. Peanut and Harvey are now in our second reject unit.

What we now have is a situation where we have six truly great units, and two shitty ones. The shitty ones will stay back and protect our base (just in case) and our other six will completely demolish everything. I may still go and get a Gorgon or Sphinx just to break the game even further…but I haven’t decided yet.

Anyway, next time we’ll be doing the game’s last filler mission. Then we’ll storm Westinus again, take Castle Talpaea, and then we’re back to Mount Keryoleth for the grand finale. And after that…well, you’ll just have to wait and see!

Old Tyme Radio Announcer: Last time on Let's Battle Ogres! Mari: kidnapped! Yumil: bamboozled! Goofus still has a job to do! Can the Blue Bombshell stop the Ogre Battle from returning? Or is Palatinus doomed!? Let's get right back to the action, folks!

This ReelNews Update has been brought to you by J.J. McAllister's Tooth Powder! Ten years ago, Mr. McAllister made a wonderful discovery while on a trip to the Amazon! A wonderful chemical, from the leaves of the mysterious coca plant, can not only heal cavities but whiten teeth and soothe swollen gums! Mr. McAllister has made this powder available to you, for the low, low price of 10 cents a box! The number one brand of tooth powder in America! Remember, folks: if it doesn't have Wacky the Noodle on the cover, then it isn't J.J. McAllister's! We now bring you, live and in wonderous Technimotion Movin’ Picture Film, the battle at the Aurua Plains!

Another One Bites the Dust: Aurua Plains





Zeda: She's useless like this. I have no choice. Whether she likes it or not, I must...

I bet there’s some sort of f-ed up fanfic out there somewhere that explains what it is that she “must” do. I bet you. It’s out there; we just need to find it.

A Voice: What are you doing, Zeda?

Remember what I said about voices from offscreen?



Ta da! Anyway, it turns out that Zeda needs a human (which she apparently isn’t) to break the seal on the ruins and that Richard/Thamuz/Baldwin need her help in figuring out how to break the seal. The four all agree to work together, and the Lodisians threaten the shit out of Zeda.

Meanwhile, Mari is still crying in the corner. That's about all she does for the rest of the game, actually. Well, until...a bit later. You'll see.



Man, this map is huge. That's okay. Limiting our forces to six units makes this a bit easier. Two north, two northwest, two west, and our other two stay behind. This'll be easy.



I wish I had taken a screenshot earlier; Lichald did 146 damage. A new record! Well, for non-critical hits anyway.

In case if you're wondering why the background is inside a castle, that's a weird glitch my emulator does. Sometimes a background will "stick", and instead of getting a black screen (which you’ve seen a few of by this point), it'll be the background from a previous mission. There is a way to clean it up, but honestly? I like fighting in a castle. It's a lot better than an all black background, don't you think? So if you ever see us randomly fighting in a castle when we shouldn't be, it's my emulator.

Or you need to lay off the ‘shrooms. It could be either one, honestly.



Uh oh! Two legions incoming. I think it's safe to assume that there's one closing in on Daisy and Zinc too.



I hate being right all the time! Damn it!



Ah, there's the last legion. Alright, Dio. This one is up to you. Goofus, you take the other. Daisy had already wiped out the first one by the time I took this screenshot.



BJ and Lichald are just waiting for this one to try and cross the bridge. I think they'll find that this bridge is going to be most difficult to cross!



Most difficult indeed! Mwuhahaha!

Anyway, that's about it for this map. BJ wiped out the 4th legion on the bridge, Goofus took out the 2nd, Daisy took the first, and Dio took the 3rd. Dio had to hunt the 3rd down for a while since he's not as strong as our other units, but he got 'em eventually.

There’s been no resistance since we took out those units. The boss might try to pull the ol' "spawn units as you approach" thing, but that'll be all we'll really have to worry about.



Again, I hate being right. Luckily, the units Thamuz spawned are pretty lame. And evidently suicidal, since they both charged Lichald. I’m sure you can guess how that turned out.



Man, why won't Lodis go away? We already kicked your ass, like, nine times!

Katie Bueller: Nine times?!
Ed Rooney: Niiiine times.



Just in case you forgot Baldwin’s motivation for being a huge dick all the time.

Anyway, after a lot of talking, we learn that Lodis is indeed screwed. So screwed that Richard/Baldwin/Thamuz can't return to Lodis like this or they will get punished for failing so miserably. So they plan on ensuring they get the ultimate power, and then they'll take over Lodis. Or something. It doesn't really matter. The bottom line is that they're still the bad guys. Thamuz orders Baldwin to retreat, essentially sacrificing himself in the process.



Later bro.



Eh, that sword sucks. Thanks anyway.

The post-battle story bit tells us that the Caliginous Order is using Castle Talpaea as their base. We can't go straight to Mount Keryoleth without leaving ourselves open to a counterattack, so we need to take the castle first. Let's go, PANTS Platoon!

We Will Rock You: Westinus


.
Richard: I see. So I'm the boss of the next level. This doesn't give us much time to prepare. And they all said I was a fool for paying the extra $15 for the strategy guide...



Hey, dick? We're the official army now. The revolution is over! You're foreign invaders! Piss off!



Richard: We have no time to waste on such matters! Do you not realize that!?

That was cold. Baldwin is still upset about the whole thing, but Richard orders him to face us…but not before talking to himself a bit. It seems that, for one reason or another, Baldwin will be the one to gain the ultimate power should their plan succeed. Richard even acknowledges his impending death, telling Thamuz to watch over them and that "I will join you soon." Hmm...but why wouldn't Richard get the power for himself since he's the oldest son? Why Baldwin? Why is the game introducing new plot elements this late in the game? Come on, guys. Just answer our questions already! It's been 50+ hours!



This map is identical to the time we fought Ankiseth...that was roughly 20 maps ago! Can you believe it's been that long? This is another map that has a "messenger" unit. Should he reach his goal, more units will spawn in. We're powerful enough to point where that doesn't matter though. And now that we're flying unit-less, it's essentially impossible to stop the messenger anyway.

Whoa, this map may be small but it won't be easy...

...is what I would be saying if I didn’t have Drakonite spellbooks/a Dragoon/a Lich/a Princess/all the game-breakingly strong equipment I have. We need to stop that Templar Knight from taking the town of Reliance or else more units will spawn in. Or not; we can take it. Either way.



We missed the messenger. It's my own damn fault; I should've sent a unit over the mountains instead of around. No matter. BJ can use the exp, so let's send him to quell the uprising. Goofus will take that stronghold, Lichald/Daisy will head north, Dio will head north from where he is...yeah, we'll be alright.



Bam! Let's do this, BJ!

And that's it. A few more units spawned in near Lichald, but that obviously wasn't an issue. If it seems like I'm rushing through this map, that's because I am. It's short, it's easy, and it's in our way.



Again, for dramatic effect, Goofus will go it alone. Well...and also because he's suddenly become one of our strongest characters. There's that too. To no surprise, Baldwin launches some units at us. Goofus can handle them.

Goofus plows through the Templars and makes it Baldwin. They two go on about Lodis ambition's and how working with netherworlders is wrong and blah blah. You've seen it all before. Baldwin is still really pissed about Thamuz, and the fight begins.



56? You'll have to do better than that.

Also, look at Badguy's (on the right) sword. That's Penitence. It's one of the best swords in the game. It's about the same strength as Notos, Laevateinn, and the Nephrite Sword, only it's a Virtue element weapon. That makes it a tad more useful, since almost every netherworlder is weak to it. Plus, isn't it neat looking? When I played this game as a teenager, I used to fantasize about being in the Ogre Battle world and that was the sword I would use. Maybe that makes me a dork; I don’t know.

Actually, I do and yes it does. But whatever; I like it. Make fun of me if you really want to, I think it's bad ass.



Surely, this will be the last we see of Baldwin. Er...right?



Um, excuse me? Rude!



Wind Armor. Cool, I'll take another one. We've basically got all the best equipment already, except for one sword which we're about to get and one I missed out on.

Status Report

Just something you should all see.



Over 100 damage and defense. That's insane-o-flex. If we give the Helm of the Fearless to Ozzy, it boosts his attack over 100 as well. This is setup is a little better though. Lichald has fewer attacks, so it's better for him to hit hard when he does attack.



Sure, she may only cast twice but it stings like a mother fucker. Waffles isn't too far behind at 89 damage. The other mages (Maxwell included) are all at about 70-something. Maxwell is still technically our best simply because he hits three times, but Pancakes and Waffles are certainly giving him a run for his money. The real key to their success is that they can alter their accessories whereas Maxwell cannot. Being stuck with the Ring of the Dead is a bit of a liability. If we had stopped using Maxwell earlier and then leveled up him once he became a Lich, he'd be far and away our best caster…but he's still ridiculously good since he gets three attacks, so let's not worry about it.

Anyway, let's move on to the third and final siege level! Castle Talpaea, prepare to get rocked!

Under Pressure: Castle Talpaea



Ouch! What a jerk. Anyway, Baldwin somehow slips away and heads for the ruins in the Mount Keryoleth area while Richard stays behind to slow us down.



This is our last and biggest siege mission. We've got two sets of walls to breach. There's only one gate leading in, so we can expect heavy resistance behind the first gate. No big deal; we've got this.



What's this?! BJ took out the gate guard, and here comes a random Sword Master coming down the road! I know we have our dedicated HQ units, but Dio will stay behind this map to help out just to be super safe. Dio's of limited usefulness to us anyway. There's no way we'll make it to nightfall on this map, which seriously limits Biske's (and thus Dio’s) usefulness. We'll take our five best units and demolish everything instead.



The gate is down, but now a Black Knight is headed to our HQ from the opposite way as well. You can do it, Dio!



A Sorceress unit was waiting for us just inside the wall, but she proved to be of little consequence. So far, resistance has been minimal...it's a bit worrying, to be honest.



This is a little more like it. After taking out two attacking units, a few more spawn in. Goofus and BJ are taking the long routes to the park areas (the small sections with the fountains in them). Zinc and Daisy are going to wait in the middle as bait, and Lichald will charge forward and wreak as much havoc as he can. Dio took out the Sword Master unit near our HQ, and the Black Knight unit is seconds away from complete destruction.

Remember what I was talking about with Pancakes? She just did 145 damage from casting White Mute. Pancakes is re-god-damn-diculous.

Aww...you believe this shit? The game just gave us a Love and Peace. This late in the game. The only enemies I want to use it on were ten maps ago, guys. I've got plenty of L&Ps...give me more things to use it on, pricks!



We managed to clean out the inside area and made it to the resting area. The game, never one to acknowledge failure, decided to throw more exp. pinatas at us. Well, if we must...get 'em BJ/Zinc.

Zinc won the battle with some slight difficulties. This is to be expected from her/Dio since they're the weakest of our remaining units. It's also worth noting that Zinc and Dio are the only two units without a Drakonite spellbook. Coincidence? I think not.



Goofus and Daisy now find themselves in a similar position, but this will be dealt with swiftly and brutally.



Remember how Tanto was talking about how broken Sphinxes are? Well, here it is in action. To me, Gorgons and Sphinxes are just too broken. I mean, 180 damage? From an underleveled bad guy? That's ridiculous!



Goofus had to face a Sphinx too, but this one was significantly weaker. It hasn't even been an hour of in-game time, and we're almost done. Just got to take out the gate guards and presumably a unit or two before we face Richard.

Whoops! I missed the screenshot because it was so fast, but Lichald just broke our all-time damage record. 310 on a critical. There's very few units in the game that have 310 HP. Golems and Ogres, yeah…but that's about all that that attack wouldn't kill instantly.

Alright Lichald, let's tag-team these two jokers and go take care of Richard.

Richard: I never would have thought that you would fare this well against the Caliginous Order.
G&G: Do you realize what it means to resurrect Danika? You're going to start the Ogre Battle and involve the entire world, just so your goal can be attained!?
Richard: Haven't I told you enough, that the end justifies the means?

Huh? That doesn't make...eh, whatever. It's not like this is the first translation error. I'm disappointed that I couldn't find the town where the townspeople speak in Japanese. I was really hoping to get a screenshot of that…le sigh.

Richard: With the ultimate power, we will build a new, perfect world! Those who are superior cannot put their abilities to good use, while worthless fools reign only because of their lineage...do you not think it is wrong? I am sure you are already aware.
G&G: Perhaps it is wrong...but, that doesn't mean you're right!

Well, it means that he's possibly right.

Richard: ...Absolutely. But at the same time...it is difficult to practice ideals. While you seek a better path, the world continues to degrade...for the realization of ideals...those with power, absolute power, are essential! Power unattainable by mere humans...we are worthy of holding it! We will lead this world!



Richard is a pain in the ass. His two dragon units lower your attack with each attack, he dodges and blocks a lot, and he hits pretty hard. He's tough! He even guarded against Pancake's Drakonite spell!

.

Unfortunately for him, all this did was piss me off. No way would I let him live to see a second turn. No way could I let him live to see a second turn. Zapdos, the Pokemon we received at the beginning of the game, got the honor of finishing Richard off.

Richard: Is this the end...?


.
Oh God damn it. Does anyone ever die in this game?!



Hey, the second best sword in the game! I'll take it. We missed out on the best one, but it's only one point of damage better than this one. The Oracion boosts several stats in addition to being strong whereas the other one does not boost any additional stats and is just a tiny bit stronger. So, really, if you want to get technical, this sword is the best in the game even though there’s another that’s stronger. It’s not like any of this matters anyway…we’re almost done, guys.



Richard: What do you think you are doing? Go, and break the seal!!



Baldwin: I'm sick and tired of you telling me what to do!!
Richard: Stop being absurd and go get the ult-





Baldwin: You look down on me and others, thinking that you're superior. ...Thamuz took care of us since our father died, but you didn't care when he was killed! Not only that, but you used his death for your own end!! Richard, I won't let you have the ultimate power!!



Baldwin: *walks away*
Richard: For you...my dear brother...I can....any...thing...

Wow. Now that's harsh.

Well, this is it. Everything has finally come together. Zeda has Mari and knows how to break the last seal. Baldwin is on his way to the ruin at Mount Keryoleth to meet her. Danika's resurrection is nearing. The Ogre Battle is about to return…Goofus and the PANTS Platoon are racing to the scene.

This is it. It’s do-or-die time. Time to use all the stat-raising and level-raising items I've been saving the whole game. Time to make sure everyone has the best equipment.

It's time to end this.

...or is it?! Could the game have something in store for us after the final battle? We all know how the Chaos Frame works (see Episode 1) but what does it mean? Why is it in the game if it's so ridiculously complicated? What will happen to Goofus and the PANTS Platoon? Just what does Baldwin hope to accomplish? Who is Zeda really? Why is Mari the key to unsealing the ruins?!

All these questions (and more!) will be answered soon, in the first part of the exciting two-part finale of Let’s Battle Ogres!

Baldwin isn't a very fitting name for him, because he's neither bald nor going to win! :B

Anyway, are we going to get a Sphinx and Gorgon, Alixsar? Maybe you could create a monster unit with them and BJ, hmm...? Looking forward to the conclusion, nonetheless!

I could, but considering how much time it would take to get that together, how little time I have to work on this LP these days, and how close we are to the end, it's just not going to happen. Sorry everyone.

Alright everyone, this is it. We've got a lot to do, so let's get right into it!

Who Wants to Live Forever: Mount Keryoleth

The opening scene has a lot of text in it, and I've already got a great deal to transcribe this episode because of the ending part, so to save myself some trouble here's the quick and dirty version of this map's opening. Don't worry, I'll fill you in on all of the details at the end. I just thought you all might want to see the important parts.

















Zeda: And...the fact that you're here with me right now...all these were according to your father's plan! This is the fate prepared for you by your father, who was the sage of Zeteginia...the fate given to you, for you to follow. You understand now, don't you? Mari, you cannot escape your fate!
Mari: My feelings for Yumil...even that was planned?!
Zeda: Yes, Mari...Yumil's destiny, his love for you...everything was planned beforehand...Don't go against, your fate...



Nonono, she said don't go against it.

Confused? You should be! Let's review. Mari is the daughter of Rashidi, the main villian of Ogre Battle: March of the Black Queen (Rashidi was the one who was manipulating the titular Black Queen). This scene really, really, really loses a lot of impact if you don't know who he is.

Long story short, he was a terribly cunning and powerful wizard in Zeteginia, the land that Destin is from. He orchestrated all of the events of MotBQ and sacrificed himself to open a Chaos Gate in Zeteginia in order to allow the King of the Netherworld to start the second Ogre Battle. Destin and his army were able to stop him and the King of the Netherworld, but even in death, Rashidi has found a way to be a pain in the ass.

Remember when Ankiseth revealed that a "traveling sage" had counseled King Procus and convinced him to have Yumil murdered? That was Rashidi too. This guy is apparently a really, really good planner because he somehow knew that all the crazy ass bullshit that has happened in this game was going to happen. A bit of a stretch, but he's just evil and just omnipotent enough for it to work.

Rashidi knew how to open Chaos Gates, so it's assumed (for some reason that isn't made readily apparent) that Mari should be able to open them too. Unfortunately for the bad guys, she can't remember how and turns on Zeda.

Also unfortunately, in her grief Mari went and did exactly what she needed to do to open the gate anyway, thus further proving that women are weak and emotionally fragile creatures in the eyes of the developers.

This isn’t the last you’ve heard of Rashidi, though…



This map hasn't changed since we were here last, all the way back in Chapter 2. See, I told you it was going to be important, didn't I?



The truth may surprise you! Goofus goes on to admit that he's unsure if he's chosen the right path etc., but it’s too damn late now anyway.



Not much resistance so far. Ha, like it matters. Who CAN resist us at this point anyway?



This map isn't even trying! No legions, no traps, no ambushes...no anything! Just a handful of units attacking us one at a time. You don't think the game is planning something, do you?



Kilik!? Oh shit, watch out guys! He's a nub character!!!





For a second there, it seemed like the game was starting to get its act together. Spawning more units, trying to attack our HQ...but we were easily able to outmaneuver them. So much for the last level being difficult, am I right?

Hey, fuck you too pal.

Baldwin: Why do you keep interfering with my plan!?
G&G: Your scheme ends here. Danika will not be resurrected!
Baldwin: Don't get me wrong! There's no need to worry about Danika. I broke the seal solely to be blessed by her, so that I gain the ultimate power!



G&G: Kill the goddess Danika...? Do you truly believe such a thing can be done!?
Baldwin: Don't forget, Danika is only a demigoddess.

That means she's only half completely infallible, idiot. So I could, like, totally kill her.

Baldwin: I doubt that she's immortal. I will become a legend...and be remembered as a god.
G&G: Man can never be a god. The ultimate power isn't meant for humans! It will only create chaos!
Baldwin: You don't get it, do you? I will use my power to eliminate chaos. When confronted with the impossible...people can accept the existence of a god. I'll gain the ultimate power, exceeding my human capacity...and that of the darkness. I'll become a god! I believe that since ancient times, heroes and gods were born like this.

All of them? They all had to go through this much bullshit? Being a god isn't worth it, I say.

Baldwin: ...Rejoice!! A new hero is born, from the ashes of your dead!!

Uh oh. He's getting melodramatic. That's the number one sign that a villian is about to die.



Notice Baldwin's formation. It took over 50 hours, but the game finally figured out that leaving the boss exposed means that we can attack it right away. But whatever; we've got Pancakes. We can decimate this unit, I'm sure.



Three physical attacks and one White Mute later, the group is at half strength. Yeah, we've got this in the bag. One turn later, Pancakes gets the honor of taking Baldwin out for good.



That's deep, man.



Baldwin: The ultimate power awaits me... ...what!?



Zeda was just a Gorgon in disguise? Eh, that’ll work. Better to do that than introduce another character’s backstory at this point in the game, you know?

Zeda: …for...Lady Danika...awak...finally...this world...our...god...dess...

SERIOUSLY ATLUS STOP IT OMG

Mari: *looking at the newly revived Danika* Who are you...?
Baldwin: Woman! You won't have it! The ultimate power is mine!



Oh yeah, that's gonna make Danika want to help you. Murder the one who revived her. Way to go, dumbass.



Baldwin: Grant me the ultimate power!!



*Baldwin gets unceremoniously tossed aside*

G&G: No...you're not Yumil...who are you!?

Dude, it's Danika! Haven't any of you mother fuckers been listening to anything that’s been said for the past 20 hours?!

Warning! Lots of text ahead!



Danika: of the earth...I was once known as the goddess of fertility, a long time ago...
G&G: Danika, queen...of the netherworld...
Danika: You too call me by that name...I know you, though not well.

You're friends with Steve, right? He told me about you once. What’s that old boy up to these days?

Danika: Within me lies another who knows you.
G&G: Are you...are you Yumil?
Danika: It all started...with a mistake. After being enticed by Demundza, king of the netherworld, into eating the fruit of the netherworld, my mother put me in a deep sleep.

Remember that guy I said Rashidi summoned? Yeah, that's the same guy. I think this is my greatest complaint about this game. OB64 is full of references to other Ogre games, mostly MotBQ. But despite this, you can still make sense of the story for the most part...all the way until the end, that is. Right at the end of the last level, they start throwing references to things that happened years before OB64's story begins. Things you couldn't possibly know if you never played the previous games. It's not the game's fault for referencing past games, but it sure is a pain in the ass when being able to make sense of a 50+ hour long game all depends on whether or not you've beaten the first one.

Danika: So I would not succumb to the Infernal Aura, my soul was separated from my body and I went into a deep slumber. I was never to awaken, unless I was summoned...as long as people did not want me to return as a god. A man who yearned for my power...his heart woke me. He yearned for power to protect his beloved.

Yeah, yeah...the Progenitor. We know.

Danika: I gave him my blessing, my power, and demanded reparation, to offer me a vessel...so that I can fully awaken...
G&G: A vessel?
Danika: As I made contact with his feelings, I felt my own loneliness. My heart was filled with sorrow. I could not bear to be alone...my desire to reawaken being strong, I demanded a vessel to hold my soul. I don't know what happened to him after the covenant was made. Except...the person you hold close to your heart was the vessel...

NO SHIT GET ON WITH IT

Danika: ...the Child of the Covenant. The sword, the token of the covenant, accepted his blood and my knights obeyed his commands. When his heart came down to me, I felt him.

...in bed!

Danika: I felt his deep sorrow.

...in bed!

Danika: I did not want to wake up.

...IN BE-well, no. That one doesn't work that well. But hey, two out of three ain't bad.

Danika: I was filled with unbearable sadness...he...has been suffering by himself...

I'm not even sure who she's talking about anymore. It's either the Progenitor or Yumil. I guess it doesn't matter, though. The important part is coming soon, I swear.











THIS MOTHER FUCKER RIGHT HERE. Just die already!! Stop making problems for me!

A number of thoughts of the main characters flash on screen, faster than I could capture them all. "Goofus, you must run!" "Richard, I failed you." "Father I'm sorry!" etc.





Well this looks like it might get pretty ug-



HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THAT





Killer Queen: Danika, The Queen of the Netherworld

Alright, this is it! It's go time! Fuck you, GOD. Or demigod...or whatever; let's go!



Hahaha! Finally, a real challenge! It’s been a while since we’ve had one of these! Each of Danika's arms attacks with a breath attack (Rotten Breath and Acid Breath specifically) and the torso section attacks with Lava Shot. Each breath attack does about a hundred damage and Lava Shot does a little over a hundred. To make matters worse, Danika's torso section is a tough bitch. Mario was able to hit her for a measly 42 damage, and Goofus and Badguy had both of their attacks guarded against. As if that wasn't enough, all Pedras do 1 damage to Danika. Goofus will need to retreat for now, but don't worry. We'll take care of this bitch.



Ahhh! What the hell is this?! Those flowers endlessly spawn netherworld-themed units?! And the entire PANTS Platoon got blown away from the ruins after we had to retreat? No matter. It’s time to use our secret weapon! Lichald, Beef Jerky, Dio, Daisy; I need you to hold off the netherworlders while Goofus tries to open the Matrix of Leadership!

G&G: Ugh! Open...damn it, open! Hugo, you said the Matrix would light our darkest hour!!

Alright, nevermind. Time for Plan B! Hold them off anyway, and let’s get ready to attack. Let's show this random venus fly trap bitch who the real master is.



After a few fights, we were able to best the demons that were pouring out of the bizarre flower-gates. They keep spawning in, but BJ and Daisy are staying behind to welcome them to our world. Lichald, you will have the honor of fighting Danika first. Should you fail, Goofus will step in. And if he should fail, Dio will give it his all. Danika cannot live through this assault.



Haha! It’s fitting that after the way I've been treating him during this LP, the one to land the final blow on the final boss is Lichald. He's the real hero, folks.



What, no Soldiers?

Sail Away Sweet Sister: The Aftermath



G&G: Please wait. Tell me one thing...were you truly...the queen of the netherworld?



Danika: And as both god and human, I continually sway between the two sides. I become the queen of the netherworld when my heart is filled with hatred, and peace of mind makes me the god of fertility.



WE ARE THE REAL MONSTERS OMG



Are you even listening, Goofus?

Danika: Both you and the denizens of the netherworld...share the same origin. Humans live on fertile lands, while the Ogres live in the wastelands, controlled by hatred. That is the only difference.

Kind of a big difference though, you know?

Danika: You are unstable. You are human, and Ogre at the same time. That is why it is possible for the Ogre Battle to occur without the influence of the netherworld...as humans fight among themselves...and hate each other...Son of man...it is not by accident that Yumil was selected as my vessel. This was all planned...by someone with formidable power.

Coming soon! Ogre Battle 64 2! The Return of Rashidi!

Well, actually, Tactics Ogre takes place after this so if you want to know how the story really ends, then you need to find a copy somewhere. There was supposed to be an eighth episode at some point, but now that the OB series is completely defunct, we’ll never know how it truly ends.









Well, that's the game everyone.



Wha? Oh, that's right. We're not done yet.

I haven't been entirely honest with you guys. I told you about the Chaos Frame, yes...but I didn't really tell you about it. I told you that there was some sort of bonus level, but I didn't really tell you what you were in store for.

Next time; you'll find out.

But I want to know now!

Another game were the final boss is a tree. Neat-o.

A boss that combines all the vegetation of a tree with the time honored tradition of a naked girl. Classy.

Also does it really say "Killer Queen" at any point?

"I will never die... As long as evil exists in the hearts of men!"

Said Izanami.

No. I started giving each section original names a while back, but as the LP was drawing to a close, I started using appropriate Queen song titles instead of making stuff up. It really should say it, though.

Sorry it's late, but I'm starting my final write-up right now. It'll be up late tomorrow.