Let's Battle Ogres! (Ogre Battle 64)

The last gate is down, and two itemless units charge the entire PANTS Platoon. Things must be getting desperate for Amrius now.



Amrius: This is the ultimate power...the legendary power is mine!
G&G: What you have is not the ultimate power! You lost to the Infernal Aura. You fell to the way of the darkness.

Hey, how does Goofus or anyone know about that? Other than a few references Destin made about it way back in the first chapter, Goofus and co. have never talked about the Aura. Sure, we the player know what it is but they don't! This doesn't make any god damn sense!

Amrius: How dare you mock me!! I attained this formidable power without losing my will. This is the ultimate power. The blood of the chosen...the privilege of the royal family! Fear the power of the royal blood!



And this is where my emulator crashed. I guess Amrius was right. I really should have feared his power.

Amrius isn’t very hard. All he can do is attack physically for decent damage. Goofus made quick work of him.

Amrius: I may have underestimated you...well then, how about this...?



Oh great.

Amrius: With the power of a god, even denizens of the netherworld heed my beckoning! Now, let's see how you do against this!!



A Pedra of Bane?! Holy shit, Linus died!! I guess this game still has some tricks left up its sleeve. Luckily for us, we have a spare Pumpkinhead in the form of Pie. Even if we didn't, I'm getting sick of having to constantly heal Pumpkinheads all the time (P-heads have insanely low defense to balance their incredible strength, but we’re getting to the point where their low defense is becoming a serious liability). Linus is going to stay dead. Pie will take his place. Amrius may be strong offensively but he doesn't have much in the way of defense. Goofus and the gang we are to put Linus’ sacrifice behind them and Amrius died like the bitch he is.

Amrius: Traitors! You won't get away with this! I will rule...the world...with this...power...



Amrius: BARF!



New armor? I'll take it! And only two Soldiers? Not like it matters since I have the maximum amount the game lets you have…but what's the deal, game? Don’t be cheap.



Translation: If Saradin were with you, he'd be telling you this right now.

Apparently, God (known as The Creator in the Ogre Battle universe) gave humans infinite potential. But infinite potential means that they could become more powerful than the gods someday, so The Creator put a "seal" on this potential. It's actually relatively easy to break the seal and grant humans magnificent powers, but breaking the seal releases the "Infernal Aura". And, as you regular readers already know, the Infernal Aura makes you turn purple and go insane and/or turn into an Ogre. Hugo gives an explanation as to how the seal can be broken, but to be perfectly honest its complete bullshit. So just use your imagination.

I like to think that it gets broken by square dancing too much.

Hugo also presents us with a choice: we can either move to the Blue Basilica and march towards the capital, or head to Ptia to liberate the countryside first. Hugo says we can only choose one but that's a bit misleading. We can only choose one path…but the other path re-opens after a certain point. If we head to the Blue Basilica, then we can get our Princess immediately after beating the map. So obviously that's the better choice, right?

It would be except that Carth, our last special character, is located in Ptia. And if you head to Blue Basilica first, then you cannot recruit Carth when Ptia reopens. We HAVE to go to Ptia first. This will delay getting our Princess even further but we don't have a choice. We've come too far to simply skip the second low-CF only character. I know I've been falling a bit behind with my updates, but I have tomorrow off so I can guarantee that you will be seeing some more Black Knight action tomorrow.

And don't worry; we'll get that Princess eventually!

Man, I wish there were more siege levels in the game.

Time to pick up our last recruit, finally. Fortunately for us, he's going to become one of our best characters. The wait will definitely have been worth it. Let's tear this mutha out.

Narrative: Winnea, Capital of Palatinus

Random Knight: The Revolutionary Army has breached our border and is now advancing on us. It's only a matter of time before they arrive.

Geez, someone doesn't have any faith in the rest of their army. You guys might be able to stop me, in theory. Don’t give up, Random NPC!



Ooooh, you just got served! And apparently the King changed his title to reflect his insanity? That's very noble of him.

Procus: What do you think you are doing? Have you lost your pride!? *everything turns dark for a second* Wh, what on earth...!?



Looks like Yumil's about to do some serving himself.



It's hard to show in still pictures, but the Knights of Danika never move. They teleport everywhere. The teleported two feet just to get into that particular formation. Seems silly to me. But I guess that’s why they’re super powerful.

Procus: What are you doing at a time like this?! Wh, who are they!?
Yumil: I discovered the secret behind my birth...my destiny. I know why the color of my hair and my eyes are different from yours.

Maybe it's Maybelline?

Yumil: And I now have the power. Father, you must obey me. I will lead this kingdom.
Procus: Yumil! Enough of that!! I don't know what power you attained, but I hold the ultimate power...I have the power of a god. You don't even have proof that you are an Auric...a member of the royal family.



Harsh.



Super harsh!

Of course, the Knights of Danika teleport in front of the Paladin and kill him.

Yumil: These are my knights, the knights of Danika.
Procus: D...Danika!? The Knights of Danika?!
Yumil: Do you finally realize what my power is? Will you assist me...with my divine plan?

Sure, whatever Yumil. Let's go get our last character.

The Cheesy Knight Stands Alone: Ptia, the Land of Seclusion



This map is the first map where we can find a Drakonite spellbook. Look for some full-screen-spell-castin' action next time.



As usual, we start off under attack. When are they ever going to learn?



Oh boy! More walking exp. Piáatas who want to see us!

This is the first map where I've actually had to *gasp* use a strategy! Holy crap! Leia went down south to secure the path to our HQ from enemy attack, Dio and Lichald took care of the offensive force to the east of our HQ, Goofus and Zinc are securing the middle route, and BJ/Sheen/Europea are working against the invading Lodis forces from the north.

Sheen and Europea took the town of Furge in the north. Beef Jerky went off in pursuit of the Drakonite spellbook, but Europea made an interesting find of her own...





Kid: Can you help him!?

Yeah, you guessed right: that's Carth he's talking about. Let's-a-go!

Game breakingly powerful spell #1 GET



Like most Ogre Battle 64 maps, this one blew its wad early. At this point, the PANTS Platoon has cleared the entire map except for the boss and a handful of random units that are guarding the boss. It’s safe to go find Carth now. Carth is similar to Europea in that once you meet with him, his unit spawns and acts independently. It can be a problem when Carth beelines straight for the boss and you haven't cleared the area...but I think we're good.



But thou must!

Knight: Are you of the netherworld!?
G&G: W, wait! We belong to the Revolutionary Army! We are not one of them!
Knight: I see.



Carth: You say you're with the Revolutionary Army...I don't know why you're here. I don't plan on getting in your way. But if you get in my way, I will show no mercy!
G&G: What are you saying!? You need some rest. I don't know what you're up to, but can't you see that you're pretty beaten up?
Carth: Why do you care!? I'm of no consequence to you! I must go, and finish my task...even at the expense of my life!



And there he goes. I should've mentioned that, while he looks bad ass, Carth is pretty emo. He's probably leaving to go cry or shop at Hot Topic or something.

Aaaaand this is where I died. You see, I got careless and decided that since I had "cleared" the map that I could send Dio (who had temporarily taken over for BJ on HQ defense) up to the front. The only thing is that I forgot to check an area of the map in the south, and a unit ended up sneaking behind us. With no one left at our HQ, I instantly lost. Luckily I had saved halfway through the map, but it was still a little embarrassing to have this happen a second time.

So remember if you're playing along at home: you can never be too careful in this game!

I did everything over the same way (except BJ stayed behind this time and Dio found the Drakonite book) and went and talked to Carth. Now it's boss time.



This mother fucker! He's the one who killed us last time. But that's okay; I've got Leia right there and BJ back at HQ. We're ready for you this time.



That sounds great.

Amazeroth: Be honored...you're about to witness the strength of a god!



Dio: The power you gained is only that of darkness...it is nothing more than the power of the netherworld!
Amazeroth: So? My power is beyond human comprehension, and that's all that matters! My god commanded me...to stain this soil with blood, to bring souls to him! Die, infidels!

Meet Amazeroth. He's a Temple Command (like Baldwin, Pruflas, and Richard) who gave into the Aura.



Say goodbye to Amazeroth.

No seriously. That's it. He's dead. That's all you see of him. I don't know why they gave him a character portrait. He's easy as hell and he's only in the game for roughly 12 seconds. But apparently that warrants giving him his own portrait? There's another character like him coming up next map, which really makes you wonder how much of this game was left on the cutting room floor.



At least he left behind one of the better one handed swords in the game. Thanks Amazeroth!

Carth: Didn't I tell you to stay out of my way!? ...I'm sorry, you saved my life...
G&G: Don't worry about it. But who are you, really...?
Carth: I should tell you...everything. You may have already known...

No, I don't. That's why I'm asking.

Carth: I belonged to the Caliginous Order...I was a Knight Templar.

I get it. Carth the Disillusioned. Gotcha.

G&G: So you are a Lodisian. How did you end up here?
Carth: I was in the battle at the Temple of Berthe, with other knights. I discovered that the true intention of the Caliginous Order was to make contact with the netherworld. We risked our lives for the just cause of eliminate the heretics, but it turns out that we were sent to open the gate to the netherworld. It didn't make any sense! I fought. I fought against the demons and those who fell to darkness...I kept on fighting! I wanted to be true to my Lord's teachings. I didn't want to lose my faith. I couldn't forgive myself for my idiocy.

You heard it here first, folks: organized religion is for idiots.

Carth: I need to ask you a favor. Will you allow me to join you?

Hell yeah we will. Carth goes on to talk about how his people turned on him and we need to blah blah; it doesn't matter. We finally have a second Black Knight! And it only took 20+ hours of gameplay!

Status Report



Well, here's Carth's new unit. The female characters were originally Valkyries, but I made them into Dianas since there's no good reason why anyone should be using basic classes at this point in the game. I could change the Cataphracts into Sword Masters, but I already have my best two handed swords being used by Ozzy and Luigi. Their alignment is slightly too low to become Paladins and we've got enough Pallys at this point anyway. We'll be keeping them as Cataphracts to take advantage of their awesome defense. There's...just one problem though.

Leia and WonderWoman have our best spears. There are some decent ones I can give to our new Cataphracts, but to be perfectly honest, I shouldn't do that. Leia and WW are much weaker defensively and offensively. Why should they keep the better weapons? Hell, why should I keep using them? Leia's unit has become our weakest. We need to remedy this situation. I'm sorry Leia, but you and WonderWoman are now officially retired. The same goes for you Troi. I kept you as a Phalanx a little bit too long, and your strength is lagging behind my other Pallys. I'm sorry, but you all have to go.

Katreda is still a decent Priest, though. Like I mentioned last time, I'm getting sick of having to deal with Pumpkinheads' incredibly awful defense so we'll be retiring both Pie and Jack as well (Linus will continue to be very, very dead). Katreda will take Pie's place in Goofus' unit for one map. We're heading to Blue Basilica next*, and then we'll be able to get a Princess. Either Deneb or Daisy will become our Princess and Katreda can stay a healer.

I took some of our reject units and made a dedicated HQ defense unit. Meredia, Tim, Vad, and our Cockatrice will help us out and BJ can still be semi-useful to us.

*Also, apparently I was mistaken about the game closing off the other path. I'm sorry everyone, I haven't played this game in seven years so I'm bound to make a few mistakes. On the positive side of things, this is fantastic news since that means we can get a Princess after our next map! But first, we have a bit of unfinished business.

Sidequestin'

Let's head back to Ptia. Carth can pick up his special item, the Runic Cape, in the town of Rete. Let's head there.



??? is right. What the fuck is going on here?



...

Really? Come on.



Old Man: Do you see how peppy I am? I'm sorry I couldn't thank you at the time. I know it's kinda late, but let me give you this. Please take this. It's made from materials brought over from the far east.

Do I see how peppy...let me give you this, please take this? Man, who the hell wrote this garbage? This is awful! Well, whatever...we've got a cape now. It's essentially the same thing as a Valiant Mantle, only it boosts elemental resistances a bit as well as offering physical protection. It's better than nothing, I guess.

Names

Normally I'd ask for names for the four members of Carth's unit...but there's no need. The leader is named Carth. Carth. You know what that means, right?

Say hello to Jolee and Revan the Cataphracts, and Bastila and Mission the Dianas.

And no, I won't name anyone HK-47. There isn't a character in this game that is bad ass enough to be HK-47.

I already have the next update written, but I didn’t want to inundate you all with a massively huge update. It’ll go up tomorrow night.

If you’d like a preview, look at my avatar. The game might as well give up while it still has the chance.

Crap. Now I want to play Knights of the Old Republic. I have no way of playing Knights of the Old Republic.

It's all your fault.

I love that. "Oh you're that old man!" As opposed to the guy I owe money to or the one whose daughter I deflowered! Ah hah hah yeah, I remember you! The one I don't have to kill.

Yeah, it's great how after a certain point, you can just start steamrolling anything the game throws at you. I rarely even have to chase down enemy units any more: As often as not, I wipe 'em out on the first pass.

Also: Sphinxes = Awesome.

I hadn't thought about the game in a while, so I let a work buddy of mine borrow it. Now every day when I go in to work, all he does is rave about it. And then I run into Carth in OB64. How do you think I feel? I want to play it more than you can ever know. I own the game and I can't even play it! I had to start a new Mass Effect playthrough to kill the cravings. I would've done Baldur's Gate 2 except Ringworm is supposed to do a BG2 LP one of these days and I want to play along with that one.

But still, I'm sorry Torgo. I got it for $20 for PC a few years ago. I'm sure you can find it cheap somewhere. If not, try my alternative. Play Mass Effect.

But anyway!

What the hell is a Basilica anyway?: The Blue Basilica



This is probably the most straightforward map in the final chapter. All we need to do is move left. As long as we do that, we'll win. The downside is that this map is huge, so it's going to take me a billion years. Lucky for you, I guess.





It appears that whenever someone "falls to the darkness", they all begin to work together. In other words, that's why we've been seeing Central Division troops, Lodisians, and Demons working together for a few maps now. More importantly, this means that the game can now throw any units it wants at us and it has an in-game excuse to do so.



Note that Pancakes/Lichald's maximum Atmosphere damage has gone down, but our average damage has gone up. This what we in “the biz” call a fair trade.

We'll be picking up another Drakonite spellbook this map and in the map that follows, so both Lichald and Pancakes will individually be able to dealing damage like this very shortly. Waffles is already this strong. Just wait until we get our Princess. Nothing will be able to stop the combined powers of Ozzy, Lichald, and Maxwell. Nothing.



Not bad! Not bad at all! It looks like Lichald has a new brother-in-arms! The rest of Carth’s unit did alright as well; the Cataphracts were doing about 50ish damage and the Dianas were doing 40-50ish damage. This unit is slightly higher leveled, so in the grand scheme of things Lichald is ultimately the better Black Knight and Gillian our the best Diana. It certainly is nice having another dependable unit on our team (and one with very high defense at that).



Here comes our first Drakonite spell!



Erm...well, okay...so that's not very much. But 90 damage per person from just one spellcaster is a lot! I swear! I think my Pancakes/Maxwell/WhiteMage combo might have spoiled the awesomeness of these spells for you all.



Damn. Maybe Lichald has something to be worried about after all. Well…then again, not really. The only reason Carth is doing this much damage is because he’s using an earth element weapon and the enemies I took screenshots of were weak to earth. Don’t worry Lichald, you’re still the one for me.



I inadvertently made the perfect unit to take on this one. Two Priests can easily counteract two Pumpkinheads. Hell, this might've actually been difficult had I not done this.



A Goblin? Why would I ever use a Goblin? Well, whatever. I'll take him; if only so I can scream at my monitor that Goofus is a hypocrite whenever he chastises someone for "falling into darkness" or whatever.

Game-breakingly-powerful-spell #2 GET

Not only is this map simple, but it's boring as well. There's no legions to dismantle, no ambushes, no attacks on our HQ...no anything. This game is long enough as it is; why keep throwing in filler missions like this one?!



Meet Vapula. He's another Temple Command who has been overcome by the Aura.



Say goodbye to Vapula. Yes, he too is another here-today-gone-tomorrow Temple Command.

You know, I remember Vapula and Amazeroth being a lot more important than they are. Maybe it was because I was still young when I first played this and the fact that they have character portraits made me remember them more favorably. But looking at them now, it seems like whatever subplot the developers had brewing had to be cut at the last minute. That's really the only explanation as to why they have portraits. They really, really don't need them.



Yet another sword. Can you guys give me something different for a change? Early on in the game, you get Dolls and Whips as rewards...now all I seem to get are swords and armor. How about something new for a change?

The post-battle story has a random soldier telling Hugo and Goofus about the circumstances in the region. The King is no longer in control, and the Child of the Covenant is in charge. Hugo and Goofus have no idea who that is because they're complete retards.

Random Soldier goes on about how the demons want to revive Danika and how it could be that Danika, a god, could somehow have become the queen of the netherworld. It's also revealed that Yumil's "divine plan" is to kill us and destroy Lodis. Just before the scene ends, Random Soldier drops a bombshell...Yumil is the Child of the Covenant! Goofus and Hugo are surprised but, again, this is because they are retarded.



If we so choose, we can head straight to Latium to move the game forward...but we shouldn't. Our other options are to head north to Leia's homeland, the Tundra of Argent, and free the people there. We can also head to Barpeth and liberate the area. Both of these maps have a Drakonite spellbook, so we'll be heading to both eventually. The question is which one to do first? Should we check on Leia's father or go to Random Map? Decisions, decisions...

Sidequestin': The Grand Finale

But before we do that, we have some unfinished business. This is it; our last sidequest. Our Princess needs a Dream Tiara. Let's do this!

First, we need to head to the town of Clemona in the Blue Basilica.



I just thought of something. Who is everyone talking to when they report?



I sure have, Palette Swapped Old Man.



Oh, here we go...

Old Man: I fell in love with a maid from the south. I promised her that I would give up my title and run off with her to live in the south. I wasn't able to keep my promise...because I only knew the life of affluent nobility, I feared the peasant's life. On the day we planned...yes, this is where we planned to meet, I didn't show up.

So you just hang around here all the time? Get a life, dork.

Old Man: My father showed up in my place...he chased her away, and she went back home to Alba.



You should. You couldn't even go and tell her yourself?! We should kick your ass!



I fo'give you.

Old Man: If there's something I can do for her...I've become old. I can't even walk anymore. I don't think I can make it all the way south. ...I know this is a selfish favor to ask of you.

Yeah, it is. I don't want to help you but damn it I need that tiara.

Fine, we'll go talk to her. This kind of shit is getting old.

Next we need to head to Boolem in Crenel Canyon. How you're supposed to figure out how to get here without an FAQ is beyond me. The only tip you have is that it's in "the south". There's a billion towns in "the south", Old Man. Are you somehow related the old men from the Legend of Zelda?

Old Man: It’s a secret to everybody.



Thank you Goofus! But our Old Lady is in another Town!



Great. Where do we need to go now? The Highlands of Soathon?! Damn it, alright...



Thank you Goofus! But our Old Lady is fucking dead!

Gelda's grand daughter gives Goofus a letter that was meant for Old Man and asks Goofus to give it to him. Back to the Blue Basilica we go. A funny thing about this conversation is that Gelda's grand daughter refers to Old Man as a "Cremonan" nobleman and he lives in Clemona. Come on, Atlus. That's the oldest localization mistake in the book.

Forty years later, I make it back to Old Man.

Old Man: Is that so...Gelda's...



Hey, my mother was a saint! Oh, nevermind.

Old Man: Pardon me...I can't believe I'm like this at my age...thank you for everything. Please take the jewelry box as a token of my appreciation.

Atlus Employee #1: Hey guys, you know that wall?
Atlus Employee #2: You mean the forth one?
Atlus Employee #1: We don't need it right? I think I'm gonna break it.
Atlus Employee #2: I dunno, that seems a bit ridicu-
Atlus Employee #1: *Crash*





FUCK YEAH PRINCESS

Status Report

Say hello to Princess Daisy everyone.



She may just look like an above average spellcaster, but Princesses have a unique attribute: if you make them the leader of a unit, each character gets an additional attack. We're going to need to do some serious reorganizing here.



This is it; the final version of the PANTS Platoon. I spent a lot of time reorganizing my units, but I think I've come up with something great. There was no debate about Daisy's unit. Lichald, Ozzy, Maxwell, and Daisy had to go together. I decided to make Luigi my fifth character since he's capable of dealing damage that's almost as good as Ozzy. With Daisy as the leader, Lichald will now get three attacks and Maxwell, Ozzy, and Luigi will each be getting four.

To put it simply, there is nothing in this game that this unit cannot kill. I am not joking.

The real question was what to do with everyone else. I wanted to keep WhiteMage paired with two spellcasters to keep the good combination spell mix I had going with Lichald's old group. Kotake and Koume are the logical choice for partners with him. Dio and Biske will protect them and what we have now is a slightly weaker version of Lichald's old unit. It's the same format but with different people.

With Kotake and Koume gone, what would happen to Beef Jerky and Rumpus? Well, Waffles needed a place to go after being booted from Dio's group and Katreda was killing time in Goofus' unit, so the pair is now there to help them out. Waffles' Meteor Strike will definitely help bring this unit's damage up and Katreda can help eliminate the problem that having a Beast Master as a tank causes. Pancakes needed a new home as well, so she took Katreda's spot in Goofus' unit. She'll be receiving the next Drakonite spellbook, which will finally turn Goofus' unit into a major contender. The last spellbook will either go to Daisy or to one of the sisters in Dio's unit. It makes more sense for one of the sisters to get since Daisy's unit is already ludicrously powerful...but I haven't really decided yet. I might want to make Daisy's unit that much more ridiculous, you know?

You can't see in this screenshot, but our hodgepodge HQ defense unit has changed too. Meredia, Leia, Troi, Tim the Enchanter, and Vad are all now our last line of defense. I briefly considered bringing a few of these characters up from the minors when I was rearranging units, but I think they'll serve me best as glorified guards in our HQ unit.

Decision Time

Well, that's it everyone. We're ready for everything the game has to throw at us. I should also mention that we've been getting some extremely good loot lately too. A new sword for Luigi, the Ogre Shield (which is not only the strongest shield in the game but it also boosts the user's attack significantly), a new doll for Tim, some new armor...we've been doing really well. We’ve also got enough one handed swords now that the Ice Blade has become our standard issue sword. Once we get the last two Drakonite spellbooks, we'll have four units of pure destruction.

I'm debating taking Katreda and Waffles and moving them to a different unit with a good frontline (in other words, Europea's or Carth's) and moving their backlines (which, while decent, could be a lot better) to BJ's unit. This would greatly improve the strength of whichever unit I move Katreda/Waffles to, but it would weaken BJ’s unit.

I'll leave it up to you guys. What should we do? Keep our formation as it is now where all of our units are above average, or move Waffles and Katreda and create another game-breakingly strong unit? I think we’ll be better off if we leave things as is, but I’d like to turn this one over to you all.

Next time, we'll head for Argent to check in on Leia's father. Look for it soonish.

Might just be me, but Lichald's unit looks like extreme overkill. I rarely even see my Lich's third attack because her unit wipes out enemies so quickly -- a fourth seems entirely superfluous.

I put my Princess into a unit with Leia, Europea, Troi, and Liedel. Leia and Europea were still doing good damage on a per-attack basis (and Leia's currently my only spear-user), but the fact that they only get two attacks per round was starting to annoy me. Troi and Liedel are my second-best Paladin and Diana, respectively, and with the Princess they get four attacks per round. Add them to the Princess-boosted Leia and Europea and a Drakonite spellbook and you've got a pretty badass unit, I figure. My other units are mostly capable of wiping out units without any assistance, so I decided to put the Princess in the unit that could most use the boost.

My weakest unit has a fully-evolved dragon, my best Paladin, and a Drakonite spellbook. I love this game's endgame, it's such a power trip.

Looks like extreme overkill? It's beyond overkill. That was the whole point.

But you're right; Lichald's unit is mind numbingly strong on it's own. It doesn't need a Princess. As much fun as it would be to have a Lich that would get four attacks in a group with a Dragoon that gets four attacks...it doesn't make sense. Daisy would be better off helping increase the damage of a weaker unit.

Although, I must say, seeing a Lich and a Dragoon with "x4" next to their attacks makes me giddy. I know it's technically the "wrong" thing to do but I can't help it. Luckily, Tanto has voiced his opinion about it and I can now consider this a request. I have to do it now! For the readers!

I made one change to fix our small problem. Bastila and Daisy switched places. This makes Lichald's unit weaker, but it's still our best unit by far. I mean, we have a Dragoon and a Lich in the same unit. They could destroy the universe if they wanted to. Carth's unit is now in the hands of Daisy, which means that Carth, Revan, and Jolee will all get three attacks and Mission will get four. This move eliminates the single greatest weakness of both the Black Knight and Cataphract classes: their lack of attacks.

We'll get Daisy a Drakonite spellbook soon and then Carth's unit will be Lichald-levels of ridiculous. Pancakes will get the other one. This means that Dio's unit won't be getting one after all, but that's okay. As you have all seen, two spellcasters + a Ninja Master makes a great combination when you don't have a Drakonite book, and we've already got that. Dio will be fine.

The answer is always the one that adds more incarnations of destruction to your team.

Break the game. Crush its bones. Show no mercy.

I'm a few chapters ahead of Alixsar, so trust me: You can do this by accident.

The one small disappointment with Princesses is they can't improve your main character, because he has to be the leader.

One thing I did like about the original Ogre Battle was the randomness of item pickups so that you could just luck into a Princess at any time. I once had a file with two. It was sick.

I started playing this game via an emulator, and have been having a blast. I've been going the 'good' path, such that I'm picking up all the special characters like Saradin and Ankiseth that Alixsar couldn't pick up.

You can see my unit's current status here so I don't need to clog up this thread up with any more images:

(Warning: very abuse of an emulator to get some of these units):

http://elevature.blogspot.com/2008_0...05818244268286

If anyone has any advice for my units, I'd appreciate it. Otherwise, I'm really enjoying this LP. Keep up too good work Alixsar!

- Eddie

It's funny, the game starts out pretty hard, but eventually it gets much easier. It's also nice that your super-powered units can eliminate whole enemy troops in a single encounter later on, because this speeds things up considerably and after so many hours of playing that's a godsend.

You have too many characters and too many units. My advice to take a step back and think about who's pulling their weight and who isn't and make cuts accordingly.

For example, do you really need two Beast Masters in a unit with no beasts? And a Black Knight in a unit with two Wyverns? Dump the Wyverns and one of the Beast Masters and combine the units. Two Black Knights, a Beast Master, and two Sirens wouldn't be so bad. You may also consider taking a Ninja Master (in exchange for the Beast Master) from your other Chaotic unit and putting it in the back row with your two Sirens to take advantage of combination spells.

Eventually you're going to need to disband Leia's unit. I can already tell you that if you keep that unit as is, it'll be dead in the water in a few maps from where you are now. Valkyries are not going to cut it much longer, and Freyas aren't much better. They'll extend that unit's usefulness but only for so long. I say dump them now and be done with it. You may want to save the Priest, though. Maybe.

Oh, and whatever you do, KEEP USING ANKISETH. He's the best character in the game and you'd be a fool to turn something like that down.

But anyway. Not much to say here. We’re off to make sure that Leia’s home region is okay when we get attacked by mysterious forces.

Leaving Home Ain't Easy: The Tundra of Argent



Hmm...why are their enemy troops if Leia’s father is a rebel sympathsizer? Hugo also mentions that the enemy troops are small and disorganized. Doesn't sound like Lodis or the Central Division, then. Looks like we've got a mystery to solve, gang!

Scooby Doo: Rooby Rooby Roo!



Leia: Um...I have a question. Goofus, how did you feel before you fought against your father?
G&G: …
Leia: Tell me!! Goofus, what were you thinking? How did you resolve yourself to that!?



Foreshadowing...? Or is it?!

Leia: What should I do? I never imagined I'd have to fight my own father. I left home but not because I disliked him. His love for me was a little bit too much...I didn't want to be dependent on him. To live up to his expectations, I needed to be in an environment where I could challenge myself...



Underdeveloped romantic subplot confirmed.

Leia: If...if my father has become one of them...





I like how Goofus never actually responds to her. I mean, what happens after this scene fades out? "Leia...*pat pat* okay, gotta go! Demons and shit; you know how it is! Toodle pip, my dear!"



What's all this, then? A Vampire and hordes of Ghosts and Zombies? Intriguing! Looks like we've got some more work to do, Watson.

Watson: Right! Let's look for some clues, then!

Aaaah, but my dear Watson...I already know who the culprit is!

Watson: My word!





We get three of these per round. This, after Ozzy did 109 damage, Lichald did 112, and Luigi did 90-something. Bastila did decent enough damage too. Yeah, this unit is still broken as hell.

By the way, I should have thought twice before I named our Wyvern. I just found a staff called Jormungand. So now we've got Jormungandr the Wyvern and Jormungand the weapon. At least I can have the satisfaction of knowing that they spelled it wrong.



Yeah, having Drakonite spellbooks is pretty awesome. Putting a healer in BJ's unit was a great idea too. BJ and Rumpus are dealing about 60-70 something damage with each attack. That's nowhere near Lichald-levels of crazy, but it's still respectable. They're very weak defensively and Katreda really, really helps. I think this unit will be okay after all.

Two small legions? No problem. We got this.



I love Princesses. Their idling animation is to just stand there and fan themselves. It's so silly. But anyway, Carth's unit really benefited from the extra attacks. So far, we've only had one enemy unit not get wiped out during their first battle. Come on, Europea. You can do better than that!



Finally. An answer to the age old question; who's better? Vampires or Werewolves?



Hugo was right about the enemy force being small. There's another legion to deal with but...that's about it, really.



Game breakingly powerful spell #3 GET This one's for you, Pancakes.

It didn't take too long to clean up all of the enemies that were left. Time to go fight the boss I suppose.

Frank Hardy: Looks like we're getting close to solving this mystery!
Joe Hardy: Let's get moving, Frank!
Nancy Drew: Other mystery-solving character reference!



Reucharle: I wonder where he is. Hehehe...I'm here to deal you a painful, agonizing death. Toss aside your humanity. Join us, and follow the darkness!
Jonny Quest: Looks like he wants to fight, Hadji! We'd better get out of here!
Race Bannon: Don't worry boys; I'll take care of him!
Lichald: WILL ALL OF YOU PEOPLE SHUT THE FUCK UP!?!
Watson: My word! He's a boorish sort, isn't he?

In retrospect, I think we missed out on something great by not naming Rumpus and BJ Scooby Doo and Shaggy. But oh well. Wait, didn’t someone suggest that? I forget. If you did, I should have listened to you.

Unfortunately for us, Reucharle is really damn strong. His attack does about 150 damage! Thankfully for us, we are really damn stronger.



I haven't used a single one of these the entire game...but hey, thanks for another one I guess!



Reucharle: That's wrong. He ended his own life. He didn't want to succumb to the Infernal Aura, to be engulfed by his desires...an honorable man indeed. He resisted me even after his death...even I, the ruler of the dead...was not...able to summon...his spirit...

Did the Lord of the Dead just die? It's like RRAAAAAIIIIIIINNNNNNN on your weddin' day!

Alternate Reality

It doesn’t always work out like this, however. If we headed to Argent after liberating Latium, Leia’s father would still be alive. He would have lost to the aura, and we would have had to kill him ourselves. Maybe it’s better this way?

Let’s move on to Barpeth. Yes, we could go to Latium…but there's a reason why I'm doing all of the optional missions first. You’ll find out soon enough.

Don't Stop Me Now: Barpeth



Christ, this map is huge! Well, we'll split everyone up; one group down the middle, and one down each side. Shouldn't be too hard... right?

Later Troi. Have fun playing Tiddlywinks with Leia. At least I assume that’s what you guys do, anyway.





Here's our newest spell, White Mute. It's pretty good. Goofus/Badguy/Mario are slightly lagging behind some of our stronger characters but they're still pretty solid. And now Pancakes has this? Goofus' unit has finally become not so shitty. Even this far into the game their alignment isn’t where I want it to be, but at least now they can actually kill things.

In completely unrelated news, Lichald just guarded five attacks in a row. God damn it I love Lichald!!

For such a huge level, this map is surprisingly bare. I had two units spawn in when I captured the neutral stronghold, so it's reasonable to assume that others will spawn in when I capture other strongholds as well.



You know, I really hate being right all the time.



Not bad Waffles. Not bad at all. That isn't the reason why I took a screenshot of this battle, though. I wanted an excuse to tell you all that the leader of the enemy unit's name was Jank. That's the most awesome name I've ever seen in my life.



And that's the game, folks! The PANTS Platoon wins it in overtime!



You tell 'er BJ!

Beef Jerky and Mylmurre...wait, Mill-what?! How the hell do you say that anyway? Let's just call her Mallomar. BJ and Mallomar argue a bit and then it's on! Come on, BJ! Let's do this! Let's tear this bitch int-



...to piec...did she just petrify the ENTIRE UNIT?! You've got to be kidding. It's almost like I knew this was going to happen and purposely sacrificed a unit to showcase the danger of this particular type of enemy unit! Almost.

Don't worry kids; we can use the power of our minds to get out of this mess! Remember: a good strategy will always beat a half-naked snakelady who can turn people into stone!

Well, sort of. I had Dio's unit back-attack her which eliminates her Gaze of Terror attack. Her regular attack still Petrifies so Koume was out of action for most of the battle. Dio and Biske managed to eke out a victory.



At least we got her awesome bow for the trouble. I hate Gorgons. There's some damn cheap units in this game, but Gorgons take the cake. Then they turn it into stone.

Goofus talks to Mallomar a bit and explains that the netherworlders are working with humans because only a "human of Royal Blood" can reawaken Danika. Yeah, too bad we knew that roughly 10 hours ago. Thanks a lot, snake lady.

We're almost done with the optional missions before we move on to Latium. This last mission is arguably the most important of the optional missions. We'll be picking up some really great weapons and armor, most notably the game's strongest two handed sword. If you thought Ozzy was nuts with the Chaladholg, wait until you see him with the Ogre Blade.

It should be up within a few days. Sorry I haven't been updating as much as I would like, but work has been getting to be...difficult lately. I'm aiming to have this LP done sometime in early-to-mid September, and I think we're on track for that.

NO, NOT BEEF JERKY!

Also: We need a Gorgon, stat! (And a Seraph Knight too, if you can spare it).

We just rejected a giant chicken. What makes you think we're taking a Snake Lady? Poor Drumsticks; ah well.

I don't see why Alixsar couldn't do both. He could devote an entire unit towards petrifying everything in his path, then use his victims to start a successful statuary shop. Business will be booming with his "life-like" craftsmanship, heh heh heh.

Altars of Ressurection are for the siege levels, where you don't have any other way to revive characters.

Gorgons are exactly broken enough. They are totally stupid but at this point in the game it doesn't matter, and you can counter them with shielded characters and golems.

Ps. There's a bow that causes petrification, too. I forget which one.

It's the bow he just got.

In today’s update, we’ll finish the last of the optional maps and secure the area around Winnea. Winnea is the capital of Palatinus and it’s also where Yumil and the rest of the Central Division are headquartered. Shit’s about to get real, yo.

But first, let’s go finish looting the countryside.

Too Much Love Will Kill You: Tybell, the Wicked Land.



This map is a bit bizarre. Going into it, Hugo acknowledges that it has "no strategic value". We're heading here to investigate some mysterious circumstances.

Scooby Doo: Rooks rik-

No, shut up. We're not doing that schtick again. This area is ruled by demons and it's, for one reason or another, peaceful. Refugees have been flocking here as a result and the demons have been protecting them. They see us as a threat...as well they should, because I'm about to wipe the floor with their refugee-loving asses.

Do demons even have asses? Actually, this is something I’d rather not think about. Let’s stay focused.



The game has the decency to attack us with a legion. The game now acknowledges that we are all that and a bag of potato chips and is acting accordingly. It's about time we get the respect we deserve.

Hey, do you guys like magic tricks? Now you see it...



...and now you don't! Goofus single-handedly wiped out that legion (except for that Dragon Master, but it's almost dead). It's great that I can actually depend on Goofus now. I haven't been able to do that the whole game...which is a bit odd, because typically I can.





And that's our last Drakonite spell in action. It's a bit hard to tell, but you make it rain small meteors...unlike Meteor Storm, which makes you rain one meteor.

The enemy has a Gorgon is on the move. Zinc, let's hope you can Paralyze them bef-



Damn it.

Luckily, Lichald went to attack it and his unit got to attack first so the Gorgon was no trouble at all. As Sanagi mentioned previously, shielded characters are immune to this attack, so I should really start having Europea take care of these things from now on.

A few more units rushed Goofus and Lichald...



...and gave us some of the best armor in the game. But that was it. The map is completely clear now. Let's go talk to the boss and see what he's up to.



Hmm. This guy looks pretty menacing. Just look at his eye. If that’s not ominous, I don’t know what is.

Frohm doesn't have much to say, just that he's here to grant humans freedom or something. The game identifies him as "Frohm the Idealist". I guess what they're trying to say is that this guy is a total wuss, so we need to fuck him up something fierce.



There we go. That's what you get for being such a pacifist!



Finally. I've been waiting for this weapon the whole game. The Ogre Blade is ludicrously strong. Get ready to watch Ozzy's damage explode. I now have two Caladholgs, so I'm going to make a new Sword Master...but we'll need to see if anyone can handle it first.

Frohm goes on to describe how the netherworld sucks and that he envies us humans or something. He loved humans and we killed him. MAYBE WE'RE THE REAL MONSTERS OMG

Status Report

The Ogre Armor we found, like the Ogre Shield before it, boosts the wearer's attack significantly. Mario is now wearing the Armor and Badguy has the Shield, so Goofus' frontline is now well above average. Still not ridiculously strong, but Goofus’ unit has finally come alive.



I turned Luc into a Sword Master to take advantage of our second Chaladholg. He's not that great as a Sword Master, but he's slightly stronger than he was as a Paladin and his defense is only slightly worse. His defense is pretty irrelevant anyway since Serena is there to heal him if need be. This arrangement will hopefully increase Europea's damage output. I wish I could get a second Princess so I could get Europea three attacks, but this game apparently doesn't want me to do that. I can always dream, I guess.



Alright, let's go fuck up the capital city!

Sidequestin': The Return of the Sidequest

Wait, did I say let's go fuck up the capital? What I meant was let's go do Meredia's sidequest that I completely forgot about until today.

Meredia is from the Tundra of Argent, so let's head there. Specifically we'll be taking her to the town of Meltaus.



AAAAHHH! Oh my God, what happened to your face? Wow, you are ugly!

Nobleman: You're just as I imagined...beautiful and intelligent, like the goddess of war!



Nobleman: How did you get so beautiful, Meredia!?

Man, this guy is creepy as hell.

Nobleman: ...uh, oh, please excuse my insolence. Please take this. It's a present for you <3



What a freak is right. We get an accessory called Rai's Tear for our troubles. Unfortunately, like Meredia, Rai's Tear is completely useless.

I'd like to take this time to let you all know that I had to try really, really hard to not write "sucks" instead of "is completely useless". We don't need filthy sex jokes in here. Got to keep things classy, you know?

Okay, NOW let's go fuck up the capital.

Keep Yourself Alive: Latium



Aww, Yumil as a kid. So cute!



AWWW EVEN CUTER SO CUTE SMOOCHY SMOOCH



Next, there's a huge montage of footage of Yumil and Goofus as kids playing and having fun etc. Goofus is constantly trying to act tough, and Yumil is still a gigantic blubbery vagina.

In other words, not a damn thing has changed since they were kids.



Apparently you can be gay a young age too.