Bring Potions, Boots, and Bombs! Let's Play The Legend of Zelda: Parallel Worlds

Unless my skimming skills are flawed, I believe the next vote for either Nabooru or Darunia decides it. So dudes, someone make the decision for me. Please choose Darunia, I'm not quite ready for the madness that awaits in the hole quite yet.

I'll go ahead and show mercy and vote for Darunia because I want to string out your suffering for as long as possible.

I'm afraid the tiebreaker was tiebroken over on #talkingtime by the nefarious Adam. He wants me to do horrible things. Expect an update in the next couple days.

EDIT: So it's a couple days later and the update still isn't up. Don't fret, dear readers, as the screenshots and the video are both taken care of. All I need to do now is get together with my guest commentator and actually write the damned thing. So expect the update sometime around Monday. Maybe a little earlier, maybe a little later. It's a mystery even to me!

Hey, this time I managed to get my good friend from #talkingtime, Nodal, on my LP. Nodal is a pretty cool guy.

Part 24




Last time in the world that was kind of dark sometimes: I got the Blue Mail and the Red Herring.



Gannon had been in plenty of sticky situations before, but this hole was the dankest depth that he’d ever ventured into. He wasn’t fooled by the mostly harmless Jellyfish that fluttered about. He knew what he heard. It was a sound that he’d heard several times back at home. “Nayru, I hate Chain Chomps.” Gannon swore to himself. That wasn’t the only sound he heard, but he just couldn’t let himself dwell on it. It was time for him to move forward.

Welcome to Nabooru’s Hole. The only thing you really need to know about this dungeon is that they really weren’t messing around when they chose the name. These dudes are dead serious about their holes and they don’t care what kind of innuendo they drop to make sure you know it. This dungeon, much like Impa’s Ways is hardly a dungeon at all. While it isn’t as nefarious with the identical teleporter mazes, this dungeon more or less recycles the same concept. The only difference here is that instead of going through one-way teleporters, you’re going down one-way holes.While I could have mapped this whole place out, I didn’t really feel it was worth the effort. Instead, I’ll just show you all the holes I fell through to get to whatever areas I went to.









DAMMIT!



People with an intimate knowledge of the Zelda series will know that shadow well. For those of you who don’t, it belongs to none other than the Wallmaster. Wallmasters are well known for grabbing Link’s ass and throwing him to the beginning of the dungeon. So everytime you fall down the series of holes, you get thrown back to the top to do it all again. Why hasn’t Nintendo hired Euclid or Seph yet? I mean god, this is the Zelda formula distilled down to its simplest form. I mean hell, Wallmasters were even in the first game!

We got a key!







What could they have possibly put in this dungeon to make up for all of the holes?

EUCLID! I’m sorry bro, but I think our relationship may just be doomed. Okay, this is probably my greatest failing as someone doing a screenshot LP. The thing you need to realize about this room isn’t that there’s a fucking Moldorm spinning around on a platform as wide as he is, but that there’s a fucking Moldorm spinning around on a platform as wide as he is and crumbling behind you at a blistering pace. So yeah, they threw in a motherfucking crumblebridge in the room that drops you down to the next floor if you screw up and then slapped yet another Moldorm on it in a comedic fashion. I’d like to say that’s the worst of it, but I’d just be fibbing.



The best thing about getting the Big Chest Key is that you actually have to press a switch to make the chest appear. This switch is underneath a pot on a platform that isn’t really big enough for you to stand on. To make things even more awesome, it’s another crumblebridge and you’ve only got about a two second window to get to the chest. The slightest little fuckup and you have to start at the beginning of the dungeon again.



Also, I wanted to point out that the floor you fall onto has conveyor belts that don’t actually move you. I have pointed that out now, so let’s continue to fall down holes.





HOORAY!!!! Actually, joke’s on me, I’m probably never going to find a single use for the Mirror Shield. Every real opportunity to use the shield is negated by the fact that Euclid deemed it necessary to shove lasereyes on both sides of the walls. He’s a good fellow, I hear.



OMIGAWD, I actually needed to hookshot a couple of times!






I wonder what kind of horrors lies on the other side of this wall?

Oh good, a fucking Helmasaur King fight from behind. Now, I could have been cheap and fought him the same way I’ve tackled pretty much every boss in the Darkworld (Magic Cape+rhythmic sword swipes=LOL), but I decided to actually fight the damned thing the way you’re meant to. How exactly do you do that if the floor is covered in spikes?



You blow his fucking mask off with explosives. How you’re supposed to know that it’s even possible is beyond me. Even though the bombs clearly work, there’s nothing to indicate that he’s even being damaged other than when his mask actually cracks. I don’t know, maybe it’s just somewhat unintuitive after coming off of LttP.



JUST IGNORE THAT I HAVE THE MAGIC CAPE IN MY INVENTORY, I SWEAR I USED ARROWS, HONESTLY

Talking Time, if you truly love me, you'll choose the next dungeon I assault.

Seeya cats later!

Rauru's Ruins. Betcha can't say that ten times fast.

Hey, that screen of Sheik's Pad shows the exact sort of LOL MIRAR SHELD bullshit you were promising us, you should go there ASAP!

Darunias Cave looks like a fun romp.

And Euclid and Seph plainly know how to make a fun game.

Go to there, you.

Dear God, every time I think I've seen the worst this game has to offer you go and show us there's just nothing but more suffering. When does it all end?

Also, when I first played A Link to the Past, I didn't even know you could use the Hammer on Helmasaur King, I thought you had to bomb it (I remember Nintendo Power having something to do with this)! I think it only takes three bombs to blow apart the mask instead of like eleventy-one hammer strikes, but the bombs are much harder to aim. I remember getting lucky on my first run and blowing the mask apart easily, and then discovering the hammer could work on a future run.

Anyway, Darunia.

I forgot to vote last time which sent you there... therefore lets fix that right away this time: Darunia

Darunia's Cave. I've been looking forward to that one since you first described it.

Jesus Christ, this game.

Now that that piece of torture is done and over with, how about a nice relaxing romp through nostalgia with Darunia's Cavern.

I seriously can't think of anything worse than Moldorm on a Moldorm wide path. Surely the worst is behind you?

Daruuuuuuuuunia.

Also, LOL Moldorm.

Ibid. On the dungeon choice, as well.

That actually is a fairly clever boss battle. I'm sure it's more annoying in person, but having to work around a directional challenge like that is actually kind of... clever.

It's such a fine line between stupid, and clever.

Moldorm is so good. So, so good.

Loldorm

What about two Moldorms on a Moldorm-wide path?

Euclid, you have been challenged.

LanLOLas

On that note:

I have never cried such large tears.

This shit, this shit right here is why we can't have nice things.

Based on that comment Kahran IS Euclid!

You're doing this to yourself man. The pain, the suffering, the tears, they can all stop. You know what you need to do.
And that something is Shiek's Hideout.

I wish...the kind of evil genius that Euclid has shown is something that would take me aeons to come up with. :-P

Is it odd that this is how I always fought it? I don't remember why because, yeah, you use the item found in the dungeon on the boss...but for some reason I always thought the hammer did so little damage that it wasn't worth using, or something.