Bring Potions, Boots, and Bombs! Let's Play The Legend of Zelda: Parallel Worlds

Sounds like I have to see how the editor works then, because you're half tempting me to make that after the LP is over... then again I'll have to see how it goes first.

I can think of at least five things wrong with this picture.

It is not exactly user friendly. I made an entire sprite sheet replacing Link with Toastyfrog, and it refused to get the palette right.

The reason Parallel Worlds is the only complete LttP hack is because Euclid and Seph are the only two people crazy enough to work an editor that frequently corrupts things in random places for nebulous reasons. To get any real work done, you're going to be doing a lot of hex editing, writing ASM patches, and keeping hundreds of backups.

Kind of a shame that hundreds of man hours to do something nobody else has done before or since gave us Parallel Worlds.

He ain't kidding, folks: http://questforcalatia.net/Zelda3C/diary.html

Geez yeah that looks nasty- but I'll still give it a shot eventually... Also, it looks like the next 2 videos are up- feel free to watch early XD

Part 12
Part 13

When we left off in the honorable land of Hyrule: Moldrom threw us into spikes repeatedly and we got the Goron Ruby



Gannon was feeling strong both spiritually and physically. No one could get between him and what he wanted and he had decided it was time to prove it. It was a good day for dungeon diving and breaking and entering. The first place on his agenda was the lovely home of the lumberjacks in the Misty Forest.



Hey, I think I’ll explain this later. Just keep it in mind for now. Anyways, this place is a total gyp, let’s go elsewhere.



Hey, want to guess how we got this heartpiece?



Sadly, you were correct. Bombjumping is the answer to everything. Anyways, I guess now is as good a time as any to mention what exactly I had in mind for this update. Basically, the plan is to get all the heartpieces that the Magic Hammer and the Goron Bracelet afford us. Oh, I’m also completely terrible and found about three or so that I could have gotten earlier.

Heart Piece #01 get!



Gannon was deeply disappointed by the treasures stored in the Lumberjacks’ house. Eggs and telepathic tiles don’t have great market value, you see. On his way towards the Lost Woods, he noticed yet another cottage off in the distance. “Maybe they got some grub” Gannon mumbled to himself as he wandered towards the worn-down building in a treasure induced stupor.



NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! /Suikoden II

So yeah, welcome back to Din’s Catacombs. There’s little to see here other than a way back into the middle of the dungeon. It’s honestly kind of baffling why they felt the need to give this place an alternate entrance considering you need the Power Glove to find it. But that’s not why we’re here.



No, not that! (I died like four times in here.)

What’s this? Another back door?

Heartpiece #02 get



Also, right outside of the HALLS OF PAIN lies yet another one

Heartpiece #03 get



Just beyond this house lies the fourth Heartpiece (#04 get). Anyways, let’s check out that house and see just what’s inside.



As a pious man, Gannon had never before set foot in a gambling house. The place seemed to be empty with the exception of the gentleman who ran that particular parlor. “LETS PLAY MONEY MAKING GAME” said the owner. “No, no, I musn’t” yelled Gannon at the top of his lungs. But at that moment, it was far too late. Out in the corner of his eye, he realized just what kind of sick and twisted game it was. The room was completely decked out in treasure chests. It was as if the proprietor of this place knew Gannon’s one true weakness. Gannon just couldn’t help himself and loathingly handed the gentlemen thirty of his rupees. With his light wallet in his pocket as a constant reminder of his problem, Gannon made his way to the first chest. Within it, there were 300 rupees. “Gambling pays off, afterall” Gannon screamed aloud. With sureness in his heart and luck in his hands, he reached down to open a second chest. Sadly, this chest didn’t contain any rupees, instead a quarter of a beating heart. I guess you can’t win ‘em all.

Heartpiece #05 get and some bonus cash while we’re at it!



Spoilerz: He didn’t actually tell me anything good



I don’t know dude, it can’t be too useful, can it?



Too many Heartpieces get! I’m getting so tired of Heartpiece get, you don’t even know.

Okay, I suppose this is as good a time as any to discuss what exactly is going in the screenshot above. One of the more infamous aspects of the Zelda 3 editor is that it isn’t really capable of editing the map screens you see when you press the ‘X’ button. This is the reason that the map and the compass were yanked out of the game and replaced by the Big Chest Key. With the items taken care of, there was still the now vacant ‘X’ button to fix. Obviously, it couldn’t work as a map anymore, so what they did was turn it into some kind of background trigger. The way it works is you hold down ‘X’ and hit one of the shoulder buttons to turn off certain background layers. They mention this a few times in the game as an exclusive feature to the right shoulder button, but it turns out it works with the left as well. Not only does it work, but it actually functions differently and in my opinion, better. While the right turns certain background tiles invisible, the left turns off a lot more. This will be more apparent later in one of the more fun dungeons.

Oh yeah, the Book of Mudora works like the Magic Mirror in dungeons now. If you want to go back to the entrance for whatever reason, you can.



Hey, this is familiar. I always loved doing this.



I have never been so disappointed.



For one reason or another, Gannon had decided that it was time to revisit yet another moment close to his heart. He had a deep longing for the Lupo Cave and he wanted to see it one last time. One can never be too careful when the live a dangerous lifestyle like Gannon had.



I think you get it now that there are a lot of heartpieces (#07) to be had.



Besides the heartpiece (#08), you’ll notice the arrow tiles in the lower lefthand corner of the screen. This is what I imagine the telepathic tile in the Lumberjacks’ house was alluding to. This is the solution to the Endless Beach (^><^) and I kind of forgot to get a good screenshot of it. Sorry!



After some much needed gambling, I decided to pay a visit to the pyramids once again in search of heartpieces. What I found instead was an anti-sword shooter.

Sounds about right.



Finally, we have enough hearts and bombs to do the HALLS OF PAIN without needing to do it perfectly.



Hey, guess what I just got! (#09)



Gannon spent that entire day adventuring and gathering the loot that had evaded him in the past. It had gotten to the point where his satchel was physically weighing him down before he decided it would be a good idea to go on with life and climb up to the Sky Isles via the Cannon Oasis. On his way there, he Gannon discovered that the pathway was guarded by two statues.

Gannon wasn’t in a curious a puzzling mood, so he decided to take the wiser route. As quickly as the statues caught eyes with Gannon, he dashed straight passed them and into the mouth of the cave above.



Spelunking time!



Jes’ kidding. We’re actually climbing our way on up to the sky through a series of caverns. The first one was just covered in pits and completely dark. This next one is a bit more interesting.

Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me



Euclid captured the spirit of these enemies perfectly as we all know that they’re best served as annoyances. Basically, the try to bump you on off the narrow, narrow ledges and you have to try and stay on. To make things worse, if you attack them, you also get knocked back. This is a total dick move. Oh well, it couldn’t possibly get any worse beyond here.



How I’ve missed you, Moldorm.



After a perilous climb through incredibly rough terrain, Gannon had finally reached the sky. This was a land of both sickness and blessings, towers and mazes. Gannon clenched his sword and grit his teeth as he stormed his way on over to his destination, narrowly avoiding some of the most fearsome enemies in Hyrule and out.



Make up your mind dude!



Gannon had arrived at the place he had only heard about in rumor and hushed town thus far. He was finally at the Parallel Tower, home of evil and home of great power.



The best part about this is that Stalfos always fall from the ceiling in dungeons. This fucking skeleton flew down from the heavens so I could feed him some bombs.



This is the Parallel Tower. I’ll explain this place later on, but believe me, this place is going to be a massive undertaking. Just know this, we can’t do anything here yet.

I love how they call it “Favore’s Sky Isle maze” here but call it Farore’s Isle in the dungeon itself. I also love how the Parallel Tower is right next to it. This is a classy game.




Next Time: Who the hell is Favore, anyways?

Know what's funny? Version 1.1 fixes the bad English in this game, yet the nametag in "Nayru's Bay" reverted to "Naryu's Bay".
It also changes the Forest Maze solution for no reason at all, without changing the hint that tells you the old one. Because it just wouldn't be Parallel Worlds without one last jerk move to cap off the dev cycle.

Looks like you were wrong about getting 10 pieces in the video XD Oh well- now all the screenshot LP is missing is that room with 180 rupees...

Note about the videos: I just wanted to talk a little bit before the actual update since I have two new things worth mentioning. First, due to me being incredibly boring and quite a few people volunteering, I'll most likely have guests on with me for the rest of the series. Secondly, I was selected by the Youtube gods to have my time limit removed on my videos. I still split this update up, but I'd like to know if people would like me to keep splitting the videos up or leave them in one big chunk. Really, I'm fine with either, but it would save me a bit of time to leave them whole. So yeah, let me know. Anyways, enjoy the update.

Here are the videos, now with special guest Dart Zaidyer, known around these parts for his fantastic BS Zelda: The Ancient Stone Tablets LP and for helming Super TT Bros.Thanks again to Zaidyer for being a part of it.

Part 14
Part 15

Last time in the forbidden realms of Hyrule: We got nine heart containers and found out way into a dungeon with a split personality.



Gannon had never seen so many switch pegs in one place before. This horrible place that he wandered into seemed to be one filled with terrifying puzzles and danger around every corner. On further inspection, he realized that not only was there danger around the corners, but danger was also in plain sight. To the left of him, Beamos Statues. To the right of him, the same. Every where he looked, Gannon saw the spinning freaks of nature and ceramics taunting him with their lasers. Gannon was a true hero, however, and he wouldn’t let no statues keep him down.



Upon his navigation of the peg maze, Gannon heard the most beautiful, melodious sound. Coming from the floor above him, he could hear singing in a foreign tongue that he wasn’t familiar with. He was absolutely enthralled with what he heard and was moved to the point of tears. He had to see where the song was coming from. He followed the stairs in front of him to the next floor and the music grew louder and clearer. Once he had arrived, he realized just what had been an aural delight. “Oh, they’re just a bunch of dumb fairies” Gannon thought to himself. Gannon knew exactly what to do with fairies. With the swish of his net and the capping of his jar, he had now enslaved one of the magic creatures to keep with him as an insurance plan. That left another, however. Traversing the peg maze left Gannon a little bit weary, so he decided to just make a snack out of the poor thing. Gannon was a true hero



This is just unusually kind coming from Euclid.



This room is a very special room. We’ll hear more about it later.



Have you pieced together just what exactly we’re up against in this dungeon?



Okay, yeah, I think that should just about do it. Farore’s Isle is filled with three things: Those colored switch pegs, firesticks, and those crystal bug switches that love bouncing me around. There are many places in the dungeon where you don’t really have much of a choice other than to take a hit and go on. In particular, that last screenshot is of a firestick that makes it just about impossible to get by without taking damage. I’ve heard that you can dash into the wall and bounce over it, but the timing is so precise that I’ll be damned if I ever figure out how to pull it off.

As Gannon drew down further into the depths of the maze, he heard yet another sound. This sound, however, was about as terrible and haunting as possible. He tried plugging his ears and he tried drowning out the music with his own singing voice, but to no avail. Surely he was cursed to hear these horrible sounds. “Curse that Draegor for making me go through this” muttered Gannon to himself. At this moment, the sound became clearer.

Ah...Ah....Ag..St........ve

It was a foreign tongue that Gannon had never heard before and one that left him quaking in his boots. Never before had he heard something so bone-chilling. Once he had arrived at the source, he knew all too well where he was. Gannon was in Hell’s Disco.

So here’s something that’s kind of hard to convey in screenshots, this place is actually kind of terrible. That black and red background you see in the screenshots above is pretty much flashing wildly and the amount of firesticks that plague this place causes so much slowdown that it becomes hard to believe that they actually tested this dungeon. There’s so much going on here.



Yeah, the thing about this room is that if you try and attack either of these dudes, you’ll get bounced back into the other. The only way to win here is to ignore both and walk straight past the one on the right. Euclid is kind of mean.


The thing you want to do here is get this dude to follow you away from the firesticks and just wail on him. There’s a second one in this room that I neglected to get a picture of, but you pretty much have to do the same thing. This is the only way I’ve figured out to go through here without taking damage. You just gotta take it slowly. Just play Parallel Worlds like you would play Deadly Towers. Anyways, the reward here has to be great, right?



*DINK*

So yeah, we went through Hell in a hand basket for a crystal switch. Time for copious amounts of backtracking!



Everything dun’ got switched up



Ughhh

Suddenly the sensation to burn EVERYTHING had returned to Gannon. One by one, he lit the pedestals and then by the time the last one was lit, something happened. Out from nowhere, a big treasure box appeared in the middle of the carpet! “This place is dumb” Gannon said to himself while shaking his head in disgust.



Once again, there is no Big Key, just a Big Chest Key.



Are you beginning to see why I said that this room is special yet? Don’t worry if you don’t get it, it’ll all become too clear.



Boing!

Okay, here’s the thing with the hookshot and that room. The red pegs need to be down to access the hookshot. The blue pegs need to down to access the room where you need the hookshot. The second crystal switch is behind blue pegs. Basically, this whole puzzle comes down to backtracking. You need to go through here Three freakin’ times to actually get past the puzzle. Every single time, you need to dive into the firestick disco and hope you come out in one piece. With roughly four firesticks on screen at once, each taking away a single heart upon contact, you’re bound to get hurt by them. Not only that, but the crystal beetles actually take two hearts upon contact and bounce you backwards regardless of whether you’re being attacked or you’re the attacker. If you do just one thing wrong, you’ve pretty much just lost one of your fairies.

There is a trick, however, to cut out some of the backtracking. With the new and enhanced version of the Book of Mudora, you can teleport back to the entrance, letting you skip over entire sections of the puzzle at a time. Here’s the catch though, the entire dungeon gets reset and you have to activate all the switches all over again. So if you’re not careful, you could potentially have to go through the Disco and back four times instead of the two that clever book usage would give you. So anyways, yes to red pegs being down, no to blue pegs.



Just thought I’d mention that I saw this screen something like six times. So yeah, despite my sage advice above, this dungeon is still balls hard.



Hooray for backtracking! I wonder what’s beyond here?

Oh dear



Umm...



Huh?

Gannon never could have expected the sights that he would see that night. In the middle of the oddly placed arena in front of him was the dreaded Helmasaur King that many had known about in children’s tales. The oddest thing about that was his presence in this world. The tale had always gone that he ate small children in a sick and twisted place that was merely a reflection of mankind’s true heart. I guess the tales were wrong and the fabled beast was right in front of Gannon. Even worse, apparitions from the Helmasaur King made themselves apparent on the walls of the room and even took swipes at Gannon as he made his way to the arena. This was never described in the fairy tales. It was on this day that Gannon learned not to trust what you read in books.



The Helmasaur King is kind of a jerk. Getting hit by his tail takes away two hearts. Getting hit by the myriad of fireballs that he sends towards you takes away two hearts. Making physical contact with him takes away two hearts. So with my seven hearts, the best I can do is take thirteen hits from him. To make matters worse, the arena is pretty much straight out of the Moldorm fight in LTTP. Falling will bring you down a floor.



In LTTP, the fight always got easier once you broke away the Helmasaur King’s mask. The first half of the fight is pretty much where you lay waste to his mask with you Magic Hammer and the second half is supposed to be where you nail his forehead jewel with your arrows. Here’s the thing though, we don’t actually have our Bow. The name of the game here is sword whirling the King to death. So yeah, we’re up close and personal for the second half of the fight as well, but what’s so bad about that? Well, me, I’ll tell you what’s so bad about it. Here’s the thing about sword whirling the thing to pieces: His hitbox is tiny and it’s really easy to screw up. About half of the time your attack is going to miss and another quarter is going to be you getting hit for two hearts. Basically, this dude sucks and I’m glad he’s dead.



Oh yeah, I forgot to mention it, but I kind of killed him.



OH MY GOD EUCLID, YOU ARE THE BIGGEST BUTTHOLE I’VE EVER ENCOUNTERED IN ANYTHING



Next Time: The exciting conclusion of the Light World!

So, in conclusion, the dungeon design in this game boils down to three things: Fire Saws, Beamos and Moldrum!!!!.

I've only looked at the beginning and end posts so far, but this game looks like what LttP would be if the map was designed by Jigsaw. Link's not gonna have to hack off his own foot with a LV-1 sword and shoot a silver arrow through Zelda's head to win, is he? o_O;

I hope those guys never do a Cave Story Parallel Worlds. We'd probably get stages packed full of Rabid Torokos, instakill white sparks, and missile-shooting Balrogs. -_-;

Okay, so hey, all my images were in the icky fileformat before and I've fixed them. Not only that, but I'm actually going back and fixing the first three updates. Don't worry, I don't expect you to read those updates again, but you know, give 'em a look see.

So what you're saying is, just don't play Parallel Worlds?

In this episode, I was honored with Kalir's presence. For those of you not in the know, Kalir is best known around these parts for two of the best LPs that Talking Time has seen: Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden and Eternal Darkness. Also, you may not know this but Kalir also does video LPs over on the youtubes. They're pretty great and I've enjoyed them immensely. It was a great honor to have him guest with me.

Also, this video is a little bit longer. Let me know if you want me to go back to splitting my videos up, okay?

Anyways, enjoy the update!

Part 16

Last time in the forsaken land of Hyrule: Firesticks, Beetles, Helmasaur King, and Hookshot



This looks like as good a place to start as any.



Gannon was pretty miffed to find out that the Helmasaur King was only guarding disappointment. Somewhere in the back of his head, Gannon received the notion that the answer lied in the church. However, Gannon had heard in the past the lair of the rebel faction was guarded by a boulder. Gannon had the power of the Gorons and boulders weren’t a thing anymore.



”Well, we’re fighting the same evil,” Gannon thought to himself, “Surely the rebels won’t miss me procuring the entirety of their war funds.”



Hmm, maybe things would have worked out better between the Rebels and Gannon if their base wasn’t hidden behind a boulder. Also, look at this:



Buh..what? How did I end up beyond the sealed door? Why is there a key in this mysterious place? Well, I think I alluded to it in the past, but you need six keys for the endgame dungeon and this is one of them. This key is required to beat the game. Beyond that though, it’s still somewhat of a mystery as to how Gannon got beyond that door. I mean really, how is this even possible without massively glitc...



Or you could just pull a Second Quest and walk through the damned wall. Sometimes the quality that oozes out of this game is too much for me. If this keeps up, I might just end up in a diabetic coma due to all the sweet, sweet game design.



Okay, enough putting it off, let’s have a smidge of plot.





And just like that, the helpful Pastor Frank was phased out of existence. Gannon had no idea what kind of magic was afoot here, but he knew it had to be stopped. Draegor annihilated the maidens from another world, Gannon’s uncle and now the Kakariko village’s only religious figure. The world was descending into madness and Gannon just wasn’t sure how much more he could take. Draegor would meet his match if Gannon had anything to do with it.

Okay, I just want to take a minute to examine a few aspects of the plot here. So first, Gannon and his dear Unclefriend are sent on a mission from the rebel alliance to sneak into the Guardhouse, right? What was their objective there? I mean, I know we ended up rescuing Princess Zelda, but she wasn’t mentioned anywhere before saving her. It was like “Whelp, I found me a princess, better skedaddle.” Then we’re helped by the wonderful Pastor Frank here and Zelda is given sanctuary since everyone hates Draegor. As we go on throughout the world, pretty much every single NPC we run into goes off on some diatribe about how Draegor is so horrible. Saharahalarasalarasalara tells us all about the Parallel Tower and sends the ever-trusting Gannon off to seek the Spiritual Stones. Did it not occur to Beardo to inform the rest of the rebellion about the plans? Every single person in Hyrule is basically just sitting on their thumbs waiting for the Spiritual Stones to be procured, that is if they even know about them. Then out of nowhere, Pastor Frank decides that we didn’t need the Spiritual Stones after all and all we needed was a sharper blade. What was the point of any of this? Why did I have to fight the Armos Knights? Why did I have to fight Moldorm? Why did I have to fight the Helmasaur King? I’m starting to get the impression that the plot to Parallel Worlds wasn’t well thought out and that things just sort of occur arbitrarily, like dogs and ghosts.

Why couldn’t you guys just help me earlier?



Come on now, you and I both know that you had a blast playing swordless while your sword was being tempered. In this LP, you never need to lie to yourself. See, only I get to lie, both to my readership and myself. It’s a beautiful thing. Tempered Sword get! This time the blade isn’t even glowing red.



On the way back to the Guardhouse for some last minute looting, Gannon noticed a throbbing piece of heart laying in the middle of the field. “Why didn’t I notice this before?” Gannon asked to himself.

I’ll tell you why, Gannon. This heart piece doesn’t actually spawn until the Guardhouse sequence is completed. I’m not really sure why that is, maybe someone in the audience has a better idea?



Also, I completely neglected to screencap me hookshotting over the spikes, so I guess you’ll have to live with the reward alone. What a terrible life my audience must have.



After making his way past the cannoneers, anti-sword shooters, a golden ball and chain trooper and a strange glowing bat, Gannon had finally made his way into Draegor’s Castle. What horrors awaited him was anyone’s guess. Only time would tell. All Gannon knew was that he had to go on forward.



Well, Gannon would have gone forward if it didn’t lead directly into a dead end. He had arrived in the throne room with no one of importance around. Surely he had missed something. Gannon wasn’t a fool. Draegor was playing coy.



It had turned out that Gannon was in fact smarter than the wall that had tried to trick him. The only appropriate punishment for a misleading wall is to be blown to smithereens. Gannon was finally on his way into the lair of madness.

Keys!



If you can’t tell, this place is so much fun



This room is entirely too dark. It’s time to shine some light on this situation.



There are seven Beamos Statues in this room. Have you started weeping for my soul yet? My childhood has been curb stomped and I can’t even get a single tear out of you guys. I love y’all so much <33333



These ledges are so narrow that you have to be pixel perfect on them to avoid falling off. Gannon is totally legit.



At this point, my mind has been so rotted by Parallel Worlds that I ended up ramming a pot and using the recoil to get across the gap. Why is this a big deal? Well, I have the hookshot equipped and there’s a pot on the other side. At this point, doing something completely ridiculous has become second nature to me and the obvious solution has become the most distant.



I love the fact that this entirely dark throne room is filled with Gibdos and Hardhat Beetles. It’s almost like they’re the royalty reigning over all the ludicrous bullshit we’ve seen thus far.



Okay Euclid, I get it, you really don’t like me very much.

This dungeon is fair because we’re provided with incredibly narrow ledges and fireball snakeheads. See, if it weren’t fair, they’d be Beamos Statues and invisible bridges that dropped you down a couple floors. It’s a good thing that we’ll never see that happen.



Gannon was getting closer and closer to his destination. With each passing step, the ominous sound of pipe organ wails became more and more clear. This was a dark and foreboding place and only bad things would happen here.





Gannon couldn’t believe his eyes. Surely this unspeakable horror that he saw in front of him was some sort of joke. He rubbed his eyes red and teary, yet Zelda just wouldn’t come back. Try as he might, no amount of pity would bring Zelda back from the obliteration dimension.



The time had finally come to see Draegor put to rest. He had destroyed everything in Hyrule. Everyone Gannon knew and loved was now dead. Zelda was blown up before his very eyes. Hyrule was at its end and Gannon was about to see to it that Draegor’s life would end as well. This was the endgame. He could only wonder what manner of trickery Draegor had in store for him in the next room.



Why exactly am I playing this again?



The time to fight had come. This was the culmination of everything. There would be no bigger fight in Gannon’s life. Draegor had to die for his sins. He shan’t be forgiven.



Okay, so here’s the thing about the fight with Draegor: It’s basically just Agahnim in a room that hates everyone. Between the spikes and the fireballs, you really don’t have many options on where to go. Also, I don’t know this for a fact, but it seems like Draegor uses the blue splitting fireballs a lot more frequently than the fight in LTTP. This makes him a monumental butthole.

This is a very easy place to die in.



This is why. Draegor’s lightning attack can only be avoided by getting right next to him. So yeah, it’s great that there’s room to do this and all, but there’s one fatal flaw in this strategy: The entire time you’re standing next to him, you’re also standing next to a firespitting Snake statue. It’s incredibly rare that you don’t take a hit here. To compound issues some more, the smaller arena makes it very easy to accidently hit Draegor with your sword. Every time your sword makes contact with him, you take a pretty good chunk of damage.





LOST





Also, heart piece

And that’s it. I’m done with the Light World. This right here, friends, is where Parallel Worlds really begins. You think you’ve seen it all? Man, don’t even get me started on the sacred realms of bullshit that this place possesses. The details will have to wait for another update, but just know this: The Dark World is completely non-linear. Dungeon items found in one dungeon are never necessary to finish the others. The Dark World is so non-linear that you actually don’t need to finish any of the seven dungeons to finish the game. You need two items from them to finish the game, but you don’t need the crystals. I will be finishing all of them, however, just to show it off. There is an incentive to finishing the dungeons, but I’ll go over that much later. For now, I will tease you with this:

You guys, the readers, will be deciding the dungeon order I go through. Do you want me to mercilessly destroy the game? I can do that. Do you want me to sob for all time? I’ll probably end up doing that. You guys tell me where to go and I’ll go there. But it’ll all have to wait. We still have another overworld update to go through before I tease the dungeons. I hope you’re on the edge of your seat, because things are going to get maddening from here.

Thanks for reading, guys

Are these mutually exclusive options?

Would you believe me if I said both are pretty much required to beat the game?

I will be crying big boy tears as I destroy this miserable game.

I'd cry for you, but I know you're already dead.

But, seriously, we've seen this game have its way with you long enough. I'm in a generous mood and vote for curb-stompage.