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Movie Time 2.0: TT mini reviews

Octopus Prime

Jingle Device
(He/Him)
I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a movie that tried as hard, and failed as completely, to sell the monsters present in it as a genuine threat as Night of the Lepus.

It’s basically like watching the Puppy Bowl, if it were periodically interrupted by Rory Calhoun looking terrified when a small dog growls at a teddy bear
 

Sprite

(He/Him/His)
Showed Pulp Fiction to my husband, and holy moley, I forgot just how much this movie hates women. Uma Thurman is the only woman who feels like a real character, and even she serves mainly as an annoyance and an obstacle to the men having their “real” fun.

It honestly reminded me of how gay porn treats women: shrill impediments to men just trying to get on with the business of penetrating other men.

Though of course the movie has a ton of anxiety around gay sex, seeing as the queer characters’ only personality trait is “rapist.”
 

Octopus Prime

Jingle Device
(He/Him)
If you want to watch Jaws, but would prefer it to be set in a forest with a bear instead of a beach with a shark, and also wish that Quint was more racist, and also that there were no consequences to the Mayors actions, and also that there was no budget so the film was about 50% stock wildlife footage, and also George Clooney, Charlie Sheen and Laura Dern have cameos so brief that I kept looking for them elsewhere in the movie because SURELY that wasn't just them killed in the intro and a really incongruous soundtrack that doesn't feel like it's from the same decade as the rest of the movie and a just utterly terrible rock concert then your ship has come in, because I just described Grizzly 2: The Revenge

There's not a lot to recommend about it, save that if spent nearly four decades in development, and this was the end result.
 

Johnny Unusual

(He/Him)
Yeah, it has some funny moments and Gul Dukat getting et by a bear but There's not a lot to recommend and it never really makes it to killing the throngs of people at the concert it is implied he is going to crash.
 

Zef

Find Your Reason
(He/Him)
Now I'm intrigued about Grizzly 1 and what the new griz is taking revenge for.
 

Rascally Badger

El Capitan de la outro espacio
(He/Him)
In the first Grizzly does someone get cut up by a helicopter propeller? Because I have vivid, and at least partially imagined, childhood memories of that.
 

ArugulaZ

Fearful asymmetry
On a scale of cheese from 1 to "Lou Ferrigno throws stock footage of a bear into space," how cheesy is this film?
 

Octopus Prime

Jingle Device
(He/Him)
I’d give it a six; it doesn’t compare to something like Birdemic in terms of capturing the perfect balance between sincerity and a lack of competence
 

Johnny Unusual

(He/Him)
Decided to watch the Three Caballeros for the first time. I feel like I've seen it or parts of it when I was quite little but didn't have any understanding of the background of it being like the film before it, Saludos Amigos, a goodwill anthology film. I think I like Amigos better and like the previous film I went in a little sleepy so it ended up being an experience more of intellectual interest that I had a hard time staying awake through. Still, some good animation and Panchito is a pretty fun addition, though I'm way more into Jose's energy.

Also watched Grease for the first time. I've seen parts of it and thought "I don't think I like this" but last night I was all "I don't think I gave the film a fair chance." Well, after a fair chance... I don't really like it. I don't dislike it either. I feel like as a musical, there are only a couple songs I really like. The leads are charming and cute so I get why it got big. But overall, I just wasn't invested in it. I will say I read what I knew of the ending as "drastically changing yourself for your loved one" doesn't come off as a great message but on seeing it, I'm willing to give it the benefit of the doubt reading it as allowing themselves to respect each other's world and life style rather than sticking their noses up at being a square/rebel.
 

FelixSH

(He/Him)
I have watched Grease for the first time last year, and also couldn't get really into it. Part of it might be, that I don't like the way the actors perform the songs. Like, I don't really like the movies version of Greased Lightning, but I love the Glee version, and quite enjoy the one from Home Improvement (warning: my tastes in music are...let's say unorthodox, also there are some love tracks in the HI one). I just like the singing in both versions more, than in the one from the movie. It's just fun to see the Home Improvement cast having a lot of fun with it, and making it intentionally goofy.

This is basically all that I remember from the movie, so, didn't leave much of an impression, I guess.
 

Tegan

dirtbag lesbian
(She/Her)
I... really hate Grease. I think it's one of those things that only hung around for so long because of boomer nostalgia.
 

Octopus Prime

Jingle Device
(He/Him)
I’d give it a six; it doesn’t compare to something like Birdemic in terms of capturing the perfect balance between sincerity and a lack of competence

Speaking of, I also rewatched Birdemic: Shock and Terror

I had forgotten how staggeringly incompetent every single facet of the films production is. Not merely in the sense of the visuals not holding up to scrutiny, the plot having numerous gaping holes, or that none of the characters clearly ever having had any experience acting before (certainly all that applies, though), but even down to the things you'd never normally notice in a movie being wrong;

The ambient noise in a scene doesn't sync up from shot to shot making everything twice as bewildering as it should be, the camera angles never quite lining up where they should, the mic randomly cuts out while people are reciting their lines making them inaudible; sometimes characters appear to be superimposed over really generic sets; there's lots of pretty unaffected pedestrians on a road that should really be abandoned considering how the area is currently in the midst of a Birdemic; none of the characters seem to be very concerned about the Birdemic when they aren't presently engaged with it, and there's a strong indication that the director doesn't QUITE know how product placement works, as there's lots of long lingering shots on name brand products and places, and specific references.

Also, not only does Tippi Hedron show up in the cast list because there's a brief clip of The Birds shown on a TV, she gets credited third
 

Rascally Badger

El Capitan de la outro espacio
(He/Him)
I decided the get some Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson action last night and watched Red Notice and Jungle Cruise.

Red Notice is reliant wholly on the charms of its central trio; ask yourself how much you enjoy the general movie personas of The Rock, Ryan Reynolds and Gal Gadot. You will enjoy the movie exactly that much, because there is nothing else there. It is supposed to be a twisty-turny heist/con man movie, but the script is just too dumb to make that work. If you find yourself wondering if the movie is being stupid or its just being obvious about twists: the first is always right and the second one frequently is. I still kind of enjoyed it; you have to really mess up a heist movie for it not to be at least a little fun.

Jungle Cruise left less of an impression, even if it is likely the better movie. Disney adapted another theme park ride, and just recycled the plot of Pirates of the Caribbean. It was some mild fun.
 

Beowulf

Son of The Answer Man
(He/Him)
Tick, Tick...BOOM was disappointing, and virtually all of my disappointment was based on directorial choices. (Garfield was perfect and the cast in general was very good.) They cut or minimized several songs to make room for a bunch of mediocre new stuff, took a weird approach to the usual double-casting, and made the whole thing doubly-meta which for a musical that's already about writing a musical...no. Miranda has hit "protection from editors", I fear.
 

madhair60

Video games
Aw, man. That was pretty high up my list of things to see this season.

ymmv. no spoilers but I thought it was untrue to the characters presented in the original movie, I thought the new cast were mostly uninteresting (McKenna Grace was excellent) and the setpieces either derivative or simply boring. it was paced and edited poorly and ultimately didn't need to exist.

nonetheless I did nearly weep. once. and I didn't hate it.
 

Kirin

Summon for hire
(he/him)
To be fair, most of the characters in the original movie were assholes (and if any of them are still alive in this one I'd have hoped they matured a bit in the meantime). But regardless, I wouldn't be surprised for a movie like this to provoke a wide range of reactions so I'll definitely wait for some more opinions before deciding whether to pass on it (or wait for streaming or whatever). Appreciate your reactions anyway!
 

ArugulaZ

Fearful asymmetry
I'm having a tough time figuring out if True Lies is a comedy. It was marketed as an action film, but it spends as much time satirizing and subverting tropes of the genre as it does indulging in them. A romantic kiss with a detonated nuclear bomb in the background? The hero jumping into a Harrier jet as a means of conveyance but not really knowing how to pilot one? The hero also using the vast resources of the US military as a means of spying on his wife? Maybe it's my, ahem, current condition, but this seems as serious about the material as Spy Hard.
 

zonetrope

(he/him)
It's not part of the action comedy genre in the same way say, Rush Hour is, but it's a very funny, very self-aware action movie.
 

Jeanie

(Fem or Gender Neutral)
The hero jumping into a Harrier jet as a means of conveyance but not really knowing how to pilot one?
I've heard the stories of when the Marine Corps started using the Harrier. They were notorious for being hard to pilot. So much so, the squadron in Cherry Point, NC developed the nickname "Carolina Lawndarts".
 

Octopus Prime

Jingle Device
(He/Him)
Not gonna lie, pretty disappointed with Ghostbusters Afterlife. Nobody except for Paul Rudd seemed to be aware that the franchise is supposed to be a workplace comedy with professional monster hunters. Everyone was firmly aware they were in a Ghostbusters movie, and not one single person ever thought about what genre they were making. References to the original movie ranged from “subtle and clever” to the point where everyone just set up an obvious joke and was too tired to even wink at the camera (which honestly, was a pretty solid gag on its own).

To the films credit, Gozer got a redesign that I liked a lot; covered in spiky flesh armour instead of sudsy bubbles.
 

Johnny Unusual

(He/Him)
I've been watching the Female Prisoner Scorpion movies since I forgot to cancel Shudder when the month ended. They are a series of pulpy and super exploit-y and super stylish thrillers where the title character, a prisoner sent to jail after attempting to kill her lover, a cop who used her to catch some crooks in an awful way, and overcomes cruel authority. It's a series that has no shortage of problematic elements but also is incredibly watchable and not easy (for me, anyway) to dismiss, though I wouldn't blame anyone for doing so.

Female Prisoner #701: Scorpion is the first film an it is the one that is the most overtly kinky and soft core. LOTS of prisoners getting their tops ripped off and several sexual assaults. But if you can compartmentalize, a lot of the film makes really cool directing flourishes (the director himself was also perhaps questionable, since apparently his last film was a well-received movie that was all like "You know, Tojo was misunderstood maybe".) Of the movies, it's definitely the most surface and lacking in depth, mostly wanting it's audience to enjoy it's creepy-horny stuff and watching the title character outwit her enemies. The finale were she's free and offing her enemies one at a time is great.

Female Prisoner Scorpion: Jailhouse 41 is a much better film, less interested in sexual assault, thankfully. Less thankfully... there's still two. In this one Scorpion and a gang of prisoners escape and are torn between their own personal interests and helping each other in a man's world It's still an exploitation series. But this one seems more interested in enthralling rather than titillating and feels more like it has something to say, as cynical and bleak as it is. I definitely would hesitate to call the film feminist (or if that was the intent, they are questionable about their approaches) but it is a film about women wanting to be free from evil male authorities and even evil civilians. This film feels much more like a traditional Japanese ghost story or tragedy. Heck, there's even an element of Greek tragedies, specifically Medea, where the women take wraith-like vengeance on the world and by the end of the film, each other. It's definitely the best of the series and while it is stylish, it feels a little less "whoa cool" and more of a descent into an older form of story in a captivating way. There's a haunting segment where they come across an ancient looking woman with a knife, the last resident of a ghost town, who also has a tragic tale of vengeance.

Female Prisoner Scorpion: Beast Stable is a step down but it is still interesting, this time feeling a bit more like a noir tale. Scorpion's finally escaped for real since the last movie, but is still hunted by the police. There she meets a crime boss who was a former inmate and a woman who uses unsavory means to control her brain damaged brother's evil urges and is hunted by a one armed officer hell bent on vengeance. There's still some good stuff and some questionable stuff but overall, it's a decent enough movie that has an EC Comic's style karmic ending where Scorpion manages to use her biggest problems to solve each other.

Recommend isn't the word I would use for films like this but I can't deny the series has a ton of moments and set pieces that stick hard in my imagination.

 
So I saw Resident Evil The New One
It's ok! But really has a weird feel - like nothing really pops

So Redfields are orphans at the Raccon Orphanage run by Umbrella. Young Claire sees Lisa Trevor there, proving human experimentation. It's also run by Birkin! At some point they take Claire to do some experimentin' but she escapes never to return until 1998. In her absense Birkin treats Chris as a son, gets him into post secondary then in RPD. Claire returns to discuss a report from Bertolucci about Umbrella's misdeeds. In Current Raccoon, Umbrella has decided to cease all operations and is pulling out all assets. As the main employer in town, the city is left as a rust belt casualty. Betrolucci said that there was slow infection in the water, which made me think of Flint. A group of RPD goes to investigate a body at the long abandoned Spencer Mansion, and when they go missing, Chief Irons sends Wesker, Jill, Chris, Richard and Vickers to take the helicopter to investigate. Loser Rookie Leon is told to mind the desk.

Meanwhile Claire sees people degrading in town and heads towards RPD to find her brother. The truckdriver crashes his truck, and his burning corpse walks into RPD. Leon panics and Irons rescues him, but then tells Leon that city is doomed and he flees the station. Birken gets a phone call at home indicating the city will be destroyed at 6AM. He feels this will erase his work, so he takes his family on an excursion before fleeing town. Irons tries to leave town, but umbrella has soldiers at all exits shooting anyone who tries to escape. He heads back to station, and is rescued by Claire in the Garage. Leon and her then find Betrolucci, who is then killed by his cellmate. Irons, CLaire and Leon decide to escape.

MEANWHILE in the mansion - everyone is beset by Zombies. The helicopter is destroyed, and Chris is left alone to defend for himself. Jill and her crush Wesker take a different route. He has been taking instructions to find something there, and also is aware of the city being destroyed. Jill figures it out - Wesker is low paid public servant,a nd was being paid to find info on Umbrella. This is the final assignment. He leaves Jill to descend into the lab. Jill reunites with Chris and they then follow Wesker into the lab.

Irons thinks they need the helicopter to escape, unaware it was destroyed. He knows of a passage from the orphanage to the mansion. The 3 are attacked there by a Licker, and Irons is killed. Lisa Trevor kills it to save Leon and then leads them to the passage. They discover teh lab where teh children were experimented on, and a film strip of the Ashfords pulling apart a dragonfly, with Birkin in background. Birkin and his family now in lab, where he is securing his viruses. There is a vivisected zombie on table trying to talk - shocking his family. He claims he has been doing GOD'S WORK. Wesker comes in, but is shot by Birkin (they don't know each other in this version) Wesker shoots him down, then shoots his wife in the head. Sherry runs and hides. Wesker is panicking and feels guilty a bit, but Sherry points a gun at him, and he is about to shoot her... Jill shoots him in the back. He apologizes to Jill and Chris as he dies. Birkin takes the G virus and mutates.

Leon and CLaire also arrive. They take Sherry and flee, as Chris attempts to kill Birkin, his father figure? Birken reveals teh reality of the situation, and Chris gets upperhand and defeats him. The group finds the train and they take off, with mere minutes to spare before 6am. Super duper Birkin attacks and Chris and Claire getting their asses kicked. leon pulls a rocket launcher out of his ass, and BOOM.

Post Credit - ya boi Wesker was ressurected by Ada....!

I like the change of context and events, and showing key events in a movie. It's fun! But teh movie has a bad flow, and just feels poorly paced. I think it's cool that they remember that RE is horror, and leans into that more, and a lot of the stuff with lone Chris in mansion is really great.
 

Rascally Badger

El Capitan de la outro espacio
(He/Him)
8-bit Christmas seems like a perfectly successful saccharine Christmas movie updated for Millennials. We now have our A Christmas Story; a mediocre nostalgia trip with a few moments that are at least somewhat interesting. Its not particularly good, but it isn't insulting.
 
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