Hello BOILS, GHOULS, and all the Non-BOOnary creeple of Stalking SLIME. It’s your old FIEND, STALKtopus SLIME, and I’m dead set on telling you all about this weeks BOOest Video SLAYmes, now available in the eCHOP on your Nintendo Witch or SLAYstation or XBoox. We’ve got some real Video NASTIES for you this week, and some AAAh! Titles too! Some I’m pretty BEETLEJUICEd to play myself! Don’t be too scared or you’ll run to your MUMMY! Eeeeheeheeheehee!
Yomawari: Lost in the Dark is our entry in this weeks GHOULISH gourmet! It’s about a little GHOUL who SLAYED up well past her DEAD time and now has to solve puzzles and avoid monsters in order to get out of a curséd town and solve the mystery of whycome her memories ain’t where they should be. This is the third Yomawari game, but the first one on the Switch that isn’t bundled with the other two. So… put that in your pipe and smoke it.
And speaking of BEAST FIENDS, you won’t find any closer friends than in Buddy Simulator 1984, which is kind of like a TamaGHOULchi, where you get to make a pal who will stick with you until DEATH do you part!
Ahh that’s just me making more Cryptkeeper puns, there ain’t nothing untoward in this game, whatsoever. You just tell an advanced 1984 computer AI program what it takes to be a good friend, and then watch as it learns and extrapolates everything about you. It works great, its your best friend and nothing goes wrong.
Pinball Wizard is a PinBOOl game that was previously released on CREEPle ArSLADE. And while there are better Pinball-themed RPGs I’ve played, this is the only one I can play for free because I spend $5 a month in order to have permanent access to Roundguard and Grindstone.
It’s fine, it’ll do what you ask of it, which is to be a Perfectly Acceptable Pinball Game with RPG elements.
You’ll be in DEEP trouble if you sleep on the next game, Dariusburst: CS Core is next, if you CANOE believe it! You’ve got to be SQUIDDING me! This is yet another port of Darius Burst (which I believe exists in the eShop several times), but this has different bonus modes, HD Rumble and a bunch of characters from Taito and Sega games in place of the Silver Eagle which… umm…
Which is a weird, but not unappreciated perk, I guess.
And speaking of MOLDEN Oldies, we’ve got another game that had more than a GHOST of a chance of being popular back in the day, and here it is anew; Arkanoid: Eternal Battle, which kind of buries the lede as this is Battle Royale Arkanoid, just *vastly* more expensive than most Battle Royals games, as it is $40 CAD, as opposed to the traditional “No Dollars”. But it also has a single player mode, which has the option of presenting itself as either Arkanoid as she exists in 1984, or a gussied up Arkanoid as she exists in 2022 (which isn’t really any different of an experience, it just has shiny polygons instead of pixels blocks).
Arkanoid, shan’t you?
Speaking of the GHOULED old days of DYING by the sword, we have Live by the Sword Tactics, which is a tactical RPG that tries like hell to look like it’s of the Heroes of Might and Magic ilk. It brags about not having experience points or equippable gear, so winning is simply a matter of getting good while the gittin’s gud. It’s got a skirmish mode for pre-arranged lop-sided battles and a campaign mode for… also that, but with a narrative. And a level editor, eventually!
Next is a game that takes place a long time ago, in a Galaxslay Scar, Scar a Flay, Signalis is a… umm… 2D survival horror game that takes place in a corpsed-up space station, like Event Horizon, Resdient Evil, Alien and Dead Space mashed together. And y’know… it looks good. I’m interested in playing it; got it in my wishlist and everything.
Big fan of wandering a space station and shooting monsters made of the people who used to be on the space station.
And if you hear SLAY bells, well you BETTER WATCH OUT, because Saturnalia is next and I’m, like, 90% sure that’s a Christmas thing, not a Halloween thing, but here it is; bein’ spooky and released a few days before Dracula rises from his coffin to give a spooky night to all, and to all a good fright. It, too, is a Walky Creeps-em-Up, but it’s got some neat visuals. The trailer uses the term “a ___ with as many names as it has ____”, like, three times, which kind of loses its ominous impact with repetition.
Next up is Bayonetta 3, which has been in the news lately because the actress from the other games didn’t feel she got enough of a paycheque from accounts SLAYable, and she wouldn’t get A HEAD in the voice acting industry.
You’re a witch who has to sexy-dance around monsters in order to pulverize them. Sometimes QTEs are involved usually, summoning giant monsters made of hair are involved with those QTEs.
Who doesn’t want to work the GRAVEYARD SHIFT managing a planet-sized super-pollution factory? Factorio lets you bring all your Robber Baron dreams to fruition as you start digging up trees and rocks with your bare hands then automate the process more and more until you’ve got a continent-sized mega factory that serves no function but to add more machinery to itself to further exploit the planet you set up stakes on, and also have to fend off local wildlife that doesn’t adore the jobs you’re creating. Mainly because they’re all weird bug creatures and stuff, and also you have no employees anyway.
I hope you enjoyed this thread, and will take it with you to the grave! Eeeeeheeeheeeheeehee.
