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Digital Down-Low for 10/06/2023: A War, Advanced

Octopus Prime

Mysterious Contraption
Kids today don't appreciate what Real Music even is!

Breaking into a highly secure bankvault with a controlled demolition charge and leaving with millions of dollars worth of bearer bonds this week is Silent Hope, an action RPG that informs us that "One day, a terrible calamity struck a peaceful kingdom. In the chaos that followed, the people began to deceive and backstab each other. Their King used his powerful magic to steal away people’s ability to speak and hurled himself into the Abyss. His daughter, the Princess, cried an endless flood of tears until they encased her in a giant crystal teardrop."

Naturally, the only recourse available to people now is "Explore a dungeon and chop up monsters". This facts all follow each other logically.


Next up is Pushmo Pictopull, a puzzle platformer where the objective is to slide coloured blocks into and out of the background and foreground in order to build a path to reach the end goal of a stage. Much like another Nintendo series that was very fun and hasn't had any new entries in a minute. Precisely like that, in fact.


Next we have not one, not two, but THREE SRPGs! And thats a genre I really like, and they're all games I was excited for but *space them out a bit*, geez. Disgaea 7 is... additional Disgaea. This one takes the series traditional Halloweenpunk aesthetic and puts it in Samurai Times and lets you turn characters into kaiju for GIANT FIGHTs, I guess. Front Mission 2 is a gussied up remake of the only Front Mission game to avoid English localization (well, except Gunhazard) so it's a *whole new experience* in more ways than one. It's also created by a different team than made the previous Front Mission remake and it looks less undefinably clunky, and finally Wargroove 2 is one of the games I'm most excited for this month; the original Wargroove was one of the better Advance Wars style strategy games I've ever played and this looks to be More of That, but also with new RPGier modes that look *hella fun* and now there's Mice as a playable army.


And, of course, it's The Witching Hour now (10 AM) and that means that this Hainted Holiday brings with it SPOOKY VIDEO GAMES; such as Sunshine Manor. A pixelly Zeld-em-up where you're in a haunted mansion chock full of MURDER GHOSTS AND BEEZLEBUBS.


And, of course the main way you get ghosts is by murder, and the cure for any good murderer is a good detective, so why not get the VERY BEST detective, like no one ever was. That's right, Detective Pikachu returns in... Detective Pikachu Returns. Who, admittedly, is more invested in more family friendly crimes like jewel thievery rather than the deadly game of cat and mouse with lives on the line.

Still; got a cranky, caffeine addicted Pikachu interrogating Wigglytuffs.


Project Blue is one of them fake NES games that was actually made for NES hardware, but now you can play it on contemporary hardware too! What a time to be alive! This here is a Troid-em-up where you're a pixelly Battle Kid trapped in a futuristic Mechanized Murder Maze that exists to kidnap children and turn them into cyborg killing machines, and also a hankerin' to explode that place because that seems like the morally justified response.


And bringing up the rear we have Borderlands 3, a port of Borderlands 3. And while I enjoyed Borderlands 2 and 1/2, I ain't never played this one and I'm lead to understand that this was largely the correct decision.

Anyway; travel to space and explode peeps via Lootin' and Shootin', but also nobody seems to like this one as much.

Furthermore, Randy Pitchford is a sucky dink.



Me and My Bestie
(He, him)
We are now in the spooky season. Let us see what horrors await us this week.

Starting with things I know are on the Xbox, we have The Lamplighters League! As a bunch of outcasts, who are mainly outcasts 'cuz the 1930s were an extremely racist and misogynistic time, go about solving mysteries and rewriting history all Indiana Jones-meets-XCOM like! Free on the GamePass!

NHL 24 is the latest Electronic Arts roster update for their official hockey man game. Sometimes things are as simple as that.

Forza Motorsport is the eighth game in this particular branch of the Forza series and also a reboot of said branch! Race the automobiles sans the big ol' sandboxes of the Forza Horizons, I guess?

Assassin's Creed Mirage is the latest game in Ubisoft's stabmans series which is kinda going back to the basics! Which, great for people who want that, but personally it means I'm less interested in it! It's all for the best, Ubisoft is still a horrible company what with the corrupt boy's club and forcing people with special needs back to the shitty office.

Hope they kept the Discovery Tour at least, would be fun to learn about Baghdad.

Project Blue is a retraux 8-bit game where Neo Hong Kong is experimenting on the homeless childrens and turns them into, like, killer cyborg childrens or something like that. 256 screens of action to be had in this techno-Orientalist world!

And I've decided to pass on showing a pic for this one 'cuz I (UNINTENTIONALLY!) made it a wee bit racist without realizing it until looking back at it on thread day. Don't drink and Photopia, kids.

Moving onto Switch, we have Virtual Mom: Job Simulator Manager! After doing your job and looking out for your childrens, escape from reality with this game...about doing your job and looking out for your childrens.

Real Yard Work Simulator vibe, y'know?

Bilkin's Folly is a top-down adventure game where a clown nosed pirate and his pet doggie both go top-down adventuring to find his mommy and grandmama. And treasure, of course.

Silent Hope is a game by MARVELOUS!, where the king cast a Mute spell on all the people when they became assholes and threw himself down a hole, and the princess who trapped herself inside her own tears summoned seven adventurers to fix this shit by lots of random dungeoneering!

Survivor: Castaway Island is a game adaptation of the TV show where you try to win a million dollars by doing what actual survivors do...balancing being that asshole nobody likes and being just nice enough, playing lots of horrible mini games, and convincing your "friends" to vote off whoever you're afraid of winning over you when they don't gots immunity!

(Note: You will not win a million dollars by playing this vidyagame.)

PictoPull is an indie Pushmo/Pullbox type game where you make pictures by pushing and pulling things. Sure would be nice if the actual Hikuosu games got a Switch remaster in this 3DS eShopless world we live in now, Nintendo.

Disgaea 7: Vows of the Virtueless is the latest in the NIS anime demon babby series! In this game a samurai demon and his fangirl fight a tyrannical regime in an anime devilmans version of Japan! One of the new units is a giant squid thing!

Synergia Sunrise is lesbian visual novel Blade Runner. A jaded member of the cyber punk popo gets a new housedroid and bonds with her, and the corrupt higher corporations take interest in this.

A Tiny Sticker Tale has an adorable cartoon donkey explore an island and use magic stickers to adventure across it! And here's a friendly reminder that these shoots are only tangentially related to the games sometimes with these crimes against beloved sprite art and straight remakes of Skull Man and Bella's DnMe+ sprite.

Dinobreak is an indie game by somebody what wanted to make their own Dino Crisis. Evade and shoot lots of scientifically inaccurate dinosaurs! If this game has the stuff I like about survival horror like the laboratories with files about how a bunch of idiot scientists did an evil, I haven't seen it in the eShop photos!

Wargroove 2 is the sequel to the game that asked "What if Fire Emblem was Advance Wars?"! This one now has anthropomorphic mice peoples warrin' the groove! I'm sure Fur Affinity is pleased.

Front Mission 2: Remake is the second of Squaresoft's tactical mecha games, remade by a western-based company! Notably I believe this is the first official localization for this one ever, though I expect it'll be another case of waiting until things are patched up to be more better than what publisher Forever Entertainment and Polish dev Storm Trident initially put out.

The Dark Pictures Anthology: Little Hope is one of 'dem QTE-y choice adventures where a bunch of college kids are trapped in an abandoned town where an evil is happening. And I absolutely cannot take it seriously at all 'cuz the choices I've seen in photos just scream Good Baby/Evil Baby in my head. Crappy mobile game ads have ruined all the linear movie games with two choices.

Cafe Master Story is a Kairosoft sim about running a cafe. Attract customers and make food and stuff.

I knew this photo I made to welcome October over on the Discord would come in handy for something!

Knight vs. Giant: The Broken Excalibur has King Arthur lose his knights and break his sword, and after Merlin resurrects his dead ass now he must take up his busted blade and save his kingdom and its surviving residents from colossi.

Just go crying to the Lady of the Lake, dood.

schleich® Puzzles FARM WORLD is a $25 game that's only playable in handheld mode featuring 60 bad rendered graphics farm aminal puzzles! What fun!

Detective Pikachu Returns is the sequel to the game where the electric rodent has a sherlock hat and a middle-aged man voice that only one teen can hear! Go across Ryme City solving mysteries, like the mystery of why Detective Pikachu 1 hasn't had a Switch port announced yet when it has a direct sequel but the original game can't be played outside of a physical copy or pre-shutdown purchased digital copy now!

Borderlands 3: Ultimate Edition is a Switch port of that game made by that asshole Randy Pitchford's company Gearbox. The future of Borderlands is uncertain with the big Embracer fuck-up but I only care enough to have Zer0 mock his owner in haiku form.

Shy Cats Hidden Orchestra is a scavenger hunt game about searching for music-playing cats across various scenic 2D pictures of environments!

And Hyper Gym Life 3D - Tough Guys is a clicker game all about getting fat people fit, which you play while you sit your ass on that couch or recliner and do naught but press buttons. Ring Fit Adventure, this is not.
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????? LV 13 HP 292/ 292
(he, him, his)
And, of course the main way you get ghosts is by murder, and the cure for any good murderer is a good detective, so why not get the VERY BEST detective, like no one ever was. That's right, Detective Pikachu returns in... Detective Pikachu Returns. Who, admittedly, is more invested in more family friendly crimes like jewel thievery rather than the deadly game of cat and mouse with lives on the line.

Still; got a cranky, caffeine addicted Pikachu interrogating Wigglytuffs.