I think the universal desire of anyone is for a stranger to look at them and think "That person commands a fleet of fishing vessels".
So we're leading off with the second attempt to make Pac-Man a battle royale game; Pac-Man Chomp Champs! But, unlike with Pac-Man 99, this one only supports 64 players. Furthermore; it's also twenty seven Canadian dollars instead of zero Canadian Dollars. So it's not really approaching things from a position of strength as far as this ol' sassin-frass is concerned. But it DOES let you dress up your Pac-Man in silly hats so... I'm in a situation where I have a hard choice to make between two perfectly suitable Simpsons images.
Next up, we have a game that informs us that it's a lovely day in the big city, and you're a standard cat; Little Kitty, Big City which was also made by former TT member Merus! Well... and presumably a bunch of other people; doens't look like a single persons effort kind of game. It's a game where you are A Cat, and you got lost in The City, and the only solution is "Be a cat until your problem(s) disappear." Sally forth and do Generalized Cat Mischief like putting a whole fish in your mouth and pulling out its skeleton, mail rivals to Abu Dabi and commit all known human crimes.
I'm a dog owner, I'm not that sure on what cats do. Pretty sure those all those apply.
Now, what if you like animals, but not cats specifically. In fact, what if you don't like *any* specific animal, but you're a fan of them in concept. You would describe your general level of regard for animals as "well". Excellent news, then, because Animal Well is next and it's all that AND MORE! This here is a troids-em-up where you're a defenseless... critter of some sort (I... think it's a potato?) who is lost in a labyrinth under a well that is full of animals. But, like... weird whimsical animals. Many of whom want to eat a potato-guy like yourself. And, being a potato (classically regarded as the most passive of tubers) all the upgrades and tools you find are non-combative, they just let you solve puzzles in new ways.
So get lost in a hole full of weird amimimals, why don't ya?
Now if you DO like animals, and cats specifically, but don't wish to embody one, where does that leave you? Well the only occupation that hangs out with cats a lot is, of course, "witches". And so, next we have witch game. And what is a video game if not an excuse to blast monsters to smithereens? Nothing that's what. Therefor, we have Rainbow Cotton! Which was originally released on the Dreamcast, in Japan, back in the year 2000, when we were still all flush from excitement of having survived the brutal onslaught of the Millennium Bug.
Anyway, it's a rail-shooter much in the Space Harrier mold where yer a witch, and you've got a l'il fairy buddy and a real yen to blast the holy hannah out of every friggin' monster that dares violate your airspace, regardless of how great a threat you perceive them to be.
They knew they were monsters when they woke up that morning; they knew the risks of existing in your line of sight.
Now if that's too frantic for you, how about a game about an old man walking around a boat? But if that's too sedate, how about we say that the boat is sinking? Well you better get on board with that fanciful premise because Gift is about an old man who is on a sinking boat! Which is easily in the top ten least opportune descriptions of boat to be an old man in! It's true, I'm pretty sure that was on Family Feud!
Anyway, get your ass off a sinky-style DANGER BOAT while being wistful and elderly about all the people you meet; but also get the friggin' lead out because sinking boats don't care about the memories you have, it cares about the memories you make, as you scramble to get off a sinking boat before it fulfils its moral obligation and sinks!
Boy, it's sure something to imagine being on a boat. Maybe it'd be easier if we zoomed out a bit and took a shot at imagining a whole planet. And not just any planet, but Earth! Yes, let's Imagine Earth, because that is the name of the next game and otherwise my segue doesn't make a friggin' lick of sense.
This here is a Simcity, except a little more Civilization-y and also Earth instead of a city. But not Sim Earth, that's a different game. This is an imagination, not a simulation. And you're managing your civilization but it's not Civilization.
There, that clears things up, I feel.
Speaking of incorporating Nations, let's steamline that concept down a bit and talk about CorpoNation. A video game about doing what you're best at, generating valuable revenue for shareholders and certainly not about doing anything seditious, like failing to meet quarterly earnings standards or existing outside the sphere of influence of your employers.
Click your boxes like a good employee and you will be rewarded. Fail and you will not be rewarded.
And speaking of creepy crypto fascism disguised as a fun video game, 1000x Resist where you're a detective in a future society where everyone is a clone of the same person and then WHOOPS, turns out you dunn figured out a conspiracy that makes you realize that your genetic mother/incarnate god is kiiiiinda a l'il stinker. So it's a good thing your specific skill set is tailored to solving crimes!
And we're wrapping up this week with another port of an old Japanese PC game; Egg Console: Wanderers from Ys, which, for those of you keeping track, is the first Ys game to feature "hit stuff with a sword" instead of "tackle enemies at a weird angle" for combat. It's also the one that kind of looks like Zelda 2. I was never a particular fan of Ys 3 (until the remake came out), but my previous exposure to it was just the SNES port, and I understand that's a pretty unfair data point to use as a point of comparison.
Like all the other Egg Console games there's very little English text and the game's kind of Word-heavy so... that's a consideration to take into account.
GO TO BED!
So we're leading off with the second attempt to make Pac-Man a battle royale game; Pac-Man Chomp Champs! But, unlike with Pac-Man 99, this one only supports 64 players. Furthermore; it's also twenty seven Canadian dollars instead of zero Canadian Dollars. So it's not really approaching things from a position of strength as far as this ol' sassin-frass is concerned. But it DOES let you dress up your Pac-Man in silly hats so... I'm in a situation where I have a hard choice to make between two perfectly suitable Simpsons images.
Next up, we have a game that informs us that it's a lovely day in the big city, and you're a standard cat; Little Kitty, Big City which was also made by former TT member Merus! Well... and presumably a bunch of other people; doens't look like a single persons effort kind of game. It's a game where you are A Cat, and you got lost in The City, and the only solution is "Be a cat until your problem(s) disappear." Sally forth and do Generalized Cat Mischief like putting a whole fish in your mouth and pulling out its skeleton, mail rivals to Abu Dabi and commit all known human crimes.
I'm a dog owner, I'm not that sure on what cats do. Pretty sure those all those apply.
Now, what if you like animals, but not cats specifically. In fact, what if you don't like *any* specific animal, but you're a fan of them in concept. You would describe your general level of regard for animals as "well". Excellent news, then, because Animal Well is next and it's all that AND MORE! This here is a troids-em-up where you're a defenseless... critter of some sort (I... think it's a potato?) who is lost in a labyrinth under a well that is full of animals. But, like... weird whimsical animals. Many of whom want to eat a potato-guy like yourself. And, being a potato (classically regarded as the most passive of tubers) all the upgrades and tools you find are non-combative, they just let you solve puzzles in new ways.
So get lost in a hole full of weird amimimals, why don't ya?
Now if you DO like animals, and cats specifically, but don't wish to embody one, where does that leave you? Well the only occupation that hangs out with cats a lot is, of course, "witches". And so, next we have witch game. And what is a video game if not an excuse to blast monsters to smithereens? Nothing that's what. Therefor, we have Rainbow Cotton! Which was originally released on the Dreamcast, in Japan, back in the year 2000, when we were still all flush from excitement of having survived the brutal onslaught of the Millennium Bug.
Anyway, it's a rail-shooter much in the Space Harrier mold where yer a witch, and you've got a l'il fairy buddy and a real yen to blast the holy hannah out of every friggin' monster that dares violate your airspace, regardless of how great a threat you perceive them to be.
They knew they were monsters when they woke up that morning; they knew the risks of existing in your line of sight.
Now if that's too frantic for you, how about a game about an old man walking around a boat? But if that's too sedate, how about we say that the boat is sinking? Well you better get on board with that fanciful premise because Gift is about an old man who is on a sinking boat! Which is easily in the top ten least opportune descriptions of boat to be an old man in! It's true, I'm pretty sure that was on Family Feud!
Anyway, get your ass off a sinky-style DANGER BOAT while being wistful and elderly about all the people you meet; but also get the friggin' lead out because sinking boats don't care about the memories you have, it cares about the memories you make, as you scramble to get off a sinking boat before it fulfils its moral obligation and sinks!
Boy, it's sure something to imagine being on a boat. Maybe it'd be easier if we zoomed out a bit and took a shot at imagining a whole planet. And not just any planet, but Earth! Yes, let's Imagine Earth, because that is the name of the next game and otherwise my segue doesn't make a friggin' lick of sense.
This here is a Simcity, except a little more Civilization-y and also Earth instead of a city. But not Sim Earth, that's a different game. This is an imagination, not a simulation. And you're managing your civilization but it's not Civilization.
There, that clears things up, I feel.
Speaking of incorporating Nations, let's steamline that concept down a bit and talk about CorpoNation. A video game about doing what you're best at, generating valuable revenue for shareholders and certainly not about doing anything seditious, like failing to meet quarterly earnings standards or existing outside the sphere of influence of your employers.
Click your boxes like a good employee and you will be rewarded. Fail and you will not be rewarded.
And speaking of creepy crypto fascism disguised as a fun video game, 1000x Resist where you're a detective in a future society where everyone is a clone of the same person and then WHOOPS, turns out you dunn figured out a conspiracy that makes you realize that your genetic mother/incarnate god is kiiiiinda a l'il stinker. So it's a good thing your specific skill set is tailored to solving crimes!
And we're wrapping up this week with another port of an old Japanese PC game; Egg Console: Wanderers from Ys, which, for those of you keeping track, is the first Ys game to feature "hit stuff with a sword" instead of "tackle enemies at a weird angle" for combat. It's also the one that kind of looks like Zelda 2. I was never a particular fan of Ys 3 (until the remake came out), but my previous exposure to it was just the SNES port, and I understand that's a pretty unfair data point to use as a point of comparison.
Like all the other Egg Console games there's very little English text and the game's kind of Word-heavy so... that's a consideration to take into account.
GO TO BED!
