Well, I elected to take last week off because there was only one new release... and then a bunch of stealth-dropped on me. NOW I'VE GOT A BIGGER WORKLOAD, thanks for nothing, Video Games!
So, naturally, going to lead things off with the highest profile release of last weeks offerings; the NSO updated, and Golden Eye came out. Finally giving all the TikTok dancin' zoomers a chance to see what popular first person shooters looked like in the days before having two analogue sticks was the norm. As it turns out... kind of... worth holding on to your memories of rather than fully reexperiencing. Presumably it's much more playable if you have an N64 reproduction controller, but without one the games controls aren't coherent, let alone playable.
Anyway, TVs Remmington Steele must run through Russias explodiest office buildings as you detonate every single desk of every slow moving, hyper alert soldier inside. And GOD HELP YOU if you choose to play as OddJob; we don't front that kind of scrub nonsense in this house.
If you wish for your video games to be a little less gunfire-reliant and a bit more swords and artsy-looking, maybe I could interest you in Trek to Yomi? It's a game about the cowboy of Japan, the humble Samurai, tasked with going from one place to another and hacking the h*ck out of every darn sucker what stands in your way. From the trailer, it's got a lot of Prince of Persia to it, as all the visuals are motion captured, but, like... several tiers above the likes of Mortal Kombat.
Looks real fancy, and you could ALWAYS use more Jordan Mechner inspired video games in your life, couldn't you?
Of course you could.
Speaking of things that look like other things and both look *artsy*, we have Atone: Heart of the Elder Tree, which is a Vikings-em-up that looks a lot like Hyperlight Drifter! But unlike Hyperlight Drifter, this one has people talkin' regular human talk, instead of Weird Pictograms and Cutscene Images. And also with a bigger focus on puzzle solving and epxloring rather than choppin' suckers.
There IS choppin' suckers, but it's, like, not a big *thing*.
Travel through scenic: "Snowy Viking Lands" and figure out whycome you being the last scion of the defenders of Yggdrasil means your family has to dunn be monstered away.
On the subject of New Games that Look Like Old Games, we have the latest from the Gunman Clive/Mechstermination Force/Super Punch Patrol peeps; Onion Assault. While their previous games played like Mega Man, Contra/Shadows of the Colossus and Final Fight respectively, this one hearkens to the classic gameplay of one Mr. Panic. Doki Doki Panic, that is!
Travel the width and breadth of a fantastic land and huck the mightiest root vegetables you can find at the diabolical forces that are besieging it.
Another game that is more obviously based on another older game is Wonderboy Anniversary Collection, which should not be confused by the similarly named Wonderboy Collection from last year; for one thing this is *vastly* more expansive; collecting more than 20 differents ports spread between Wonderboy, Monster Lair, Monster Land, Monster World, Dragons Trap and Monster World 4. For another thing, it's nearly the exact same price, so if you bought the old collection you have been rendered a stone cold turkey.
Another retro game collection is another S-Tribute release; the Saturn ports of Bust-a-Move 2 and Bust-a-Move 3, there isn't a drastic change in terms of beeps boops between those two games, but Bust a Move is a fun time, so "Lots of mechanically similar Bust a Move" is not something to deride. I mean, I personally would have been WAY more excited if it went in the other direction and was a collection of Bubble Bobble games, but beggars must never be choosers.
Shoot multi-colored bubbles at other multi-coloured bubbles in order to blow them up! That is, of course, why the game is called "Bust a Move"
And if you think a game about a bubble blowing dinosaur solving rapid-fire precision-based colour puzzles is too hectic, how about an adventure game? One like Life is Strange 2 should do nicely, I should think! I didn't play the original Life is Strange, or its spinoff, but I'm pretty sure it was about Sad Psychic Lesbians who use Mind Powers to Solve Murders. This one has a guy and his kid brother on the run because he committed BRAIN CRIMES. How sad and/or gay they are is unknown to me, but I'm going to infer that both categories score highly.
Fashion Police Squad is a first person shooter where you have to make your enemies look *much fancier* instead of *less alive*. The trailer wouldn't fully load, so I'm not *quite* sure how that is reflected in terms of gameplay. Kind of got some Project Warlock vibes from the screenshots, just... also Project Runway.
And speaking offirst person shooters about refreshing your appearance to feel like a new person; how about Power Wash Simulator! It's one of those too, only you're only shooting DIRT AND GRIME off surfaces that have been rendered Gross and Gnarly from an accumulated patina of filth. It's arguably the most spiritually fulfilling kind of yard work and now you can do it in the dead of winter, like the Great Kings of Old Europe once only dreamed!
Monster Girls and the Mysterious Adventure 2 is a rogues-em-up, of the good ol' standard of good ol' Mystery Dungeon. BUT NOW, the entire games cast is made up of monster girls. And, surprisingly, the games does not appear to be very horny. Or at least it doesn't appear to stray above, say a 6/10 for horny. Which is still a far better ratio than I'd expect from a Mystery Dungeon style game with an entire female monster cast.
The Pathless is not a game I had any expectations about before I watched a trailer just now... and then I said "Hooooly heck... I gotsta know more!". What we have here is a kind of mish-mash of Shadow of the Colossus and Princess Mononoke, as you're a gal with a bird, a bow, and a real hankerin' to bring down some wild looking kaiju what be despoilin' the land; seeing as how they're giants made of lava and shadow.
It's from the makers of Abzu, which I recall as being "The scuba diving game thats like Journey, I think?"
Brave Rage is another rogue-em-up, but this one looks to be slightly more Slay the Spire-y. Except with a map you can explore and multiple characters, like Roguebook, and with active time battles, like One Step From Eden. And I like both those components; so I'm already on the hook for this special kind of nonsense!
Drainus is the latest from Team Ladybug, the same peeps as what made the exceptional Record of Lodoss War: Deedlits Wonder Labyrinth (and also Luna Nights which was... y'know... fine). But this time, instead of a Troid based on either a forgotten anime or Touhou, it's a shmup-em-up based on NOTHING AT ALL! It looks real spiffy, and comes highly recommended from peeps what like pew-pew games.
I ain't such a peep, so I can add nothing more to the evaluation.
Travel to the farthest stars of space and BLOW THEM ALL UP!
I think that's everything? Sure feels like enough...
So, naturally, going to lead things off with the highest profile release of last weeks offerings; the NSO updated, and Golden Eye came out. Finally giving all the TikTok dancin' zoomers a chance to see what popular first person shooters looked like in the days before having two analogue sticks was the norm. As it turns out... kind of... worth holding on to your memories of rather than fully reexperiencing. Presumably it's much more playable if you have an N64 reproduction controller, but without one the games controls aren't coherent, let alone playable.
Anyway, TVs Remmington Steele must run through Russias explodiest office buildings as you detonate every single desk of every slow moving, hyper alert soldier inside. And GOD HELP YOU if you choose to play as OddJob; we don't front that kind of scrub nonsense in this house.
If you wish for your video games to be a little less gunfire-reliant and a bit more swords and artsy-looking, maybe I could interest you in Trek to Yomi? It's a game about the cowboy of Japan, the humble Samurai, tasked with going from one place to another and hacking the h*ck out of every darn sucker what stands in your way. From the trailer, it's got a lot of Prince of Persia to it, as all the visuals are motion captured, but, like... several tiers above the likes of Mortal Kombat.
Looks real fancy, and you could ALWAYS use more Jordan Mechner inspired video games in your life, couldn't you?
Of course you could.
Speaking of things that look like other things and both look *artsy*, we have Atone: Heart of the Elder Tree, which is a Vikings-em-up that looks a lot like Hyperlight Drifter! But unlike Hyperlight Drifter, this one has people talkin' regular human talk, instead of Weird Pictograms and Cutscene Images. And also with a bigger focus on puzzle solving and epxloring rather than choppin' suckers.
There IS choppin' suckers, but it's, like, not a big *thing*.
Travel through scenic: "Snowy Viking Lands" and figure out whycome you being the last scion of the defenders of Yggdrasil means your family has to dunn be monstered away.
On the subject of New Games that Look Like Old Games, we have the latest from the Gunman Clive/Mechstermination Force/Super Punch Patrol peeps; Onion Assault. While their previous games played like Mega Man, Contra/Shadows of the Colossus and Final Fight respectively, this one hearkens to the classic gameplay of one Mr. Panic. Doki Doki Panic, that is!
Travel the width and breadth of a fantastic land and huck the mightiest root vegetables you can find at the diabolical forces that are besieging it.
Another game that is more obviously based on another older game is Wonderboy Anniversary Collection, which should not be confused by the similarly named Wonderboy Collection from last year; for one thing this is *vastly* more expansive; collecting more than 20 differents ports spread between Wonderboy, Monster Lair, Monster Land, Monster World, Dragons Trap and Monster World 4. For another thing, it's nearly the exact same price, so if you bought the old collection you have been rendered a stone cold turkey.
Another retro game collection is another S-Tribute release; the Saturn ports of Bust-a-Move 2 and Bust-a-Move 3, there isn't a drastic change in terms of beeps boops between those two games, but Bust a Move is a fun time, so "Lots of mechanically similar Bust a Move" is not something to deride. I mean, I personally would have been WAY more excited if it went in the other direction and was a collection of Bubble Bobble games, but beggars must never be choosers.
Shoot multi-colored bubbles at other multi-coloured bubbles in order to blow them up! That is, of course, why the game is called "Bust a Move"
And if you think a game about a bubble blowing dinosaur solving rapid-fire precision-based colour puzzles is too hectic, how about an adventure game? One like Life is Strange 2 should do nicely, I should think! I didn't play the original Life is Strange, or its spinoff, but I'm pretty sure it was about Sad Psychic Lesbians who use Mind Powers to Solve Murders. This one has a guy and his kid brother on the run because he committed BRAIN CRIMES. How sad and/or gay they are is unknown to me, but I'm going to infer that both categories score highly.
Fashion Police Squad is a first person shooter where you have to make your enemies look *much fancier* instead of *less alive*. The trailer wouldn't fully load, so I'm not *quite* sure how that is reflected in terms of gameplay. Kind of got some Project Warlock vibes from the screenshots, just... also Project Runway.
And speaking offirst person shooters about refreshing your appearance to feel like a new person; how about Power Wash Simulator! It's one of those too, only you're only shooting DIRT AND GRIME off surfaces that have been rendered Gross and Gnarly from an accumulated patina of filth. It's arguably the most spiritually fulfilling kind of yard work and now you can do it in the dead of winter, like the Great Kings of Old Europe once only dreamed!
Monster Girls and the Mysterious Adventure 2 is a rogues-em-up, of the good ol' standard of good ol' Mystery Dungeon. BUT NOW, the entire games cast is made up of monster girls. And, surprisingly, the games does not appear to be very horny. Or at least it doesn't appear to stray above, say a 6/10 for horny. Which is still a far better ratio than I'd expect from a Mystery Dungeon style game with an entire female monster cast.
The Pathless is not a game I had any expectations about before I watched a trailer just now... and then I said "Hooooly heck... I gotsta know more!". What we have here is a kind of mish-mash of Shadow of the Colossus and Princess Mononoke, as you're a gal with a bird, a bow, and a real hankerin' to bring down some wild looking kaiju what be despoilin' the land; seeing as how they're giants made of lava and shadow.
It's from the makers of Abzu, which I recall as being "The scuba diving game thats like Journey, I think?"
Brave Rage is another rogue-em-up, but this one looks to be slightly more Slay the Spire-y. Except with a map you can explore and multiple characters, like Roguebook, and with active time battles, like One Step From Eden. And I like both those components; so I'm already on the hook for this special kind of nonsense!
Drainus is the latest from Team Ladybug, the same peeps as what made the exceptional Record of Lodoss War: Deedlits Wonder Labyrinth (and also Luna Nights which was... y'know... fine). But this time, instead of a Troid based on either a forgotten anime or Touhou, it's a shmup-em-up based on NOTHING AT ALL! It looks real spiffy, and comes highly recommended from peeps what like pew-pew games.
I ain't such a peep, so I can add nothing more to the evaluation.
Travel to the farthest stars of space and BLOW THEM ALL UP!
I think that's everything? Sure feels like enough...
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