It's a g-g-g-g-g-g-GHOST! Let's Play... The Uninvited

>Hit dogs

Surely among the 10 million things you've already looted there must be something resembling a stick. *Other* Saturday morning cartoons taught me that throwing a stick to fetch is a sur-fire way to distract a guard dog. It's gotta work.

this thing

Oh I >Hit the dogs. I >Hit them like the wind.



was the result

Pour the watercan on them.

It's an old trick my mama used to do back in the day to get the family dog to settle down. The dogs will simply wander off in shame, drenched in water, knowing they have NOT been good dogs.

Use cologne on dogs.

I'm certain this will work.

You're going to get mauled to death again.

Quick, use EPOR!

...wait, wrong lifetime. Maybe King Dedede could help us with his thunderous presence.

Do you happen to have a bottle of No-Dog?

Tired of being mauled to death by guard dogs, you head back into the Mansion with intent to head to the as-yet unexplored second floor. But first you make a slight detour back to the entranceway. You’ve got a few knives that you stole from the kitchen, so maybe you can cut open the couch and take whatever was hidden in it now.



Score one for petty vandalism! You take the rusty key and head upstairs and into the middle door.



Jeez, how many floors does this place have? And, perhaps more importantly, why didn’t any previous room have a freakin’ battle-axe in it? You decide to preemptively declare this to be the most kick-ass room in the mansion. As you head up the stairs, however, you trip and…



Oh No! Axe Cut You! You’re really bleeding! It looks like you’re going to die here! Too bad for your sister… Your Quest is Over

Luckily your fatal axe-blow wasn’t as bad as it looked. You put a bit of polysporin on it and wince a bit, but you’re fine. You head up the stairs again.


Has someone been kept in there as a punishment for betraying The Master?

It’s not a well designed prison, however, since the door is unlocked.


In a deathly-dry voice it says, “There is no escape from here. There is no escape… no escape…”
His voice fades out as the image fades.

Well, he seems less… murderous then the rest of the ghosts in the building, so that’s something. You hop through the doors to see if the skeleton had anything awesome hidden anywhere.



There is no escape! You are trapped! Eventually you die and your spirit joins the others on the estate. Your Quest is Over.

Oh! THAT’S that the skeleton meant by “There is no escape from here”. Don’t you look silly now? Eventually, and through indescribably means, you free yourself and make your way into the previous room. Being careful to close the door behind you, and reset the skeleton.



Instead of tempting fate with the prison again, you head back to the dining room and enter the door on the far side of the hall.


Where in the world could this awful chill be coming from?

Off hand I’d say that the chill might have something to do with the hordes of ghosts that are infesting the place, but that’s just a personal prejudice against the undead.

You take the Ink Blotter on the desk, and the card in the desk drawer and head on your way. The Card reads:




Copper ----- 29
Silver ----- 47
Gold ----- 79
Mercury ----- 80
Lead ----- 82
Uranium ----- 92

Well… that’s helpful. The door is locked and lacks a keyhole. So you head back to the lower hallway and enter the un-opened Spidery-door.



Nothing much in this room, by appearances, so you head out and onto the porch.




Ewwwww. Spider. You spray your bottle of Spider-Cider on the railing. If that gross creepy-crawly comes back this way, it’s going to get itself a heaping helping of paralytic! Which is absorbed through the feet, I guess!

Let is not be said that you are merciful towards spiders.



“That’ll teach you to have more limbs and eyes then I do!” you scream at the helpless arachnid, “That’ll teach you… that I am the dominate lifeform!”.

You double check to make sure that nobody is looking and then you… steal the spider. I… can’t imagine why. Your motives are a mystery to even me at this point.

You’ve reached an impasse now, since you’ve explored all of the mansion that you can. The only remaining doors are locked and without keyholes, or are guarded by psychotic (and strangely battle-axe-proof) dogs. And the only things in the mansion who won’t kill you are the screaming ghost, and that spinning hallucinatory goblin thing. Time to do some revisiting.

Do you:
> Go see if you’ve got anything that’ll help you sneak past the dogs
> Go see if you’ve got anything that’ll get rid of that shrieking ghost.

Death Count: 11

Go get rid of that shreiking ghost. Use the axe.

Use SPIDER on SELF.

I like the idea that slowly rotting away in a jail cell is a death you can "continue" from.

Also, try making a salami and spider sandwich.

Water: 35 Liters. Carbon: 20 Kg. Ammonia: 4 Liters. Lime: 1.5 Kg. Phosphorus: 800 g. Salt: 250 g. Saltpeter: 100 g. Sulfur: 80 g. Fluorine: 7.5 g. Iron: 5g. Silicon: 3 g. And 15 other elements in small quantities...

That's the total chemical makeup of the average adult body. Or so I was told by some pipsqueak.

I bet dogs are totally scared of spiders! Just wave it around at them, and they'll be too frightened to attack you. Here, watch!

There's got to be something in your inventory that will help you get past those dogs. I suggest the brush.

Use URANIUM on SPIDER. Use PROPORTIONATE STRENGTH OF A SPIDER on DOG.

Is it possible to break some of the windows in the green house? Cause we should be doing that. Otherwise, use the axe on the ghost.

What's going on with that Axe? You pick it up and die, but then reload and you can carry it around? Or does it just kill you randomly?

I USED Axe on SELF.

Man, it's like he just knows what the voices in his head are about to tell him to do before they even say it. This guy's getting good!

I should have known.

Clearly that is the problem you're having with those dogs. You're experiencing the Axe Effect! (I'm sorry. Sorry for everything.)

- Eddie

I don't believe you've tried snapping the towels at the dogs. Be sure to try both! Surely they have vastly different properties.

You could also, say, wrap up the Salami in a towel and pretend it's a baby. Dogs love to eat babies even more than adventurers.

Anyway, yes. More dogs.

Also, on a serious guess note, I'm betting that Telemaze spell works in the cell? Possibly?

More of the clattering in your head seemed to agree that going back and playing with those happy pups is the right thing to do.

You try to dazzle the guard dogs with your impeccable wit, and impress them with the many items you’ve been able to fit into your backpack, but they seem uninterested. Well, “uninterested” isn’t entirely accurate. They see them as more excuses for wanting to tear apart your throat. Finally, in desperation, you turn to those spells you had memorized earlier. Sure, each one was only going to be useful once, ever, but that’s still more useful then half the crap you’ve picked up.




At this the dogs recoil, they put their tails between their legs and scamper away. The door is now unguarded.

Of course, vicious guard dogs are brontophobic. How sensible. With the dogs gone, you’re free to enter the church.



You feel the presence of long-dead worshippers.

…considering the current health the mansions general occupants, that probably wasn’t a metaphor. In any case, you quickly set about robbing the church of all its worldly goods.



Taking the goblet causes the Altar it was sitting on to move aside as well.



Well… that sounds like a cause for desecration if ever I heard one. Of course, you can’t openly break any of the ornamentation, nor can you, say… vomit on the stone head, so the church goes un-defiled. For now. You decide to head down the secret passage under the altar.


You really don’t want to go down there.

Spiders, phht. You’ve already got one that’s paralyzed. How much worse could one the size of a bread-box be?


Don’t try to go down there!

Again you shrug off your worries and, for a third time, plunge yourself into that hole.



This revelation stops you a bit. But you’ve already been torn to shreds by ghostly women and guard dogs. Several times, I might add, so how much worse could a little ol’ spider be?



It crushes your tiny body with its large, powerful jaws. Your quest is over.

The spider spits you back out through the trap door, where you wake up, several minutes later. You remind yourself to try to avoid being fed to giant spiders from now on. Undaunted, however, you do confront the spider again. Sure, it got the drop on you before, but now you’re ready for it! You remember that one of the spells you learned was for dealing with things that had between 6-10 legs, and BY GOD, a very large Spider fits that description pretty nicely!



Of course, Stillini does nothing, making this stupid spider yet another obstacle to overcome. Instead, you head back to that screaming ghost, hoping to outwit him somehow.



“Hey, Spooky!”, you cry at the ghost, “let me AXE you a question!”


It’s acid! It doesn’t take long for it to dissolve your body. Your Quest is Over.

Well, I’d suppose that a ghost made entirely of acid makes about as much sense as anything else that’s killed you so far. The ghosts own obsessive-compulsive disorders rival your own, and it cleans your dissolved body, straightens it right up and deposits you back outside the room.

Well, you can’t outfight the ghost that’s corrosive enough to kill you in seconds, and you can’t speak to a ghost who just screams about YOU NOT TAKING HIS PRECIOUS THING, so you try for some diplomacy. This fellow can’t have too many friends, what with his screaming, obsessive neatness and body made of highly acidic ectoplasm. Maybe he’s obsessed with guarding that nook in the wall because he doesn’t have anyone to talk to?

You’re busy trying to rescue your sister, so you can’t help him there, but you’ve got something just as good! You give him your paralyzed spider, to keep as a pet.



The ghost shrieks at the sight of the stunned spider. Flustered and frightened, the spirit dissolves from view.

Okay, things are just getting silly now. Your take the diary out of the wall (you describe it as being black, even though it is plainly red).

Off hand, it would appear that a magically indestructible, un-openable lock-box is a pretty good place to hide something.

Still, it seems kind of silly to go through such lengths of concealing a diary behind a hidden compartment, and then to rise from the dead to guard said diary… when the diary doesn’t even have any particularly useful information.

Well, your present concerns all deal with that giant spider that eats you whole. You stand around waiting for the gestalt of voices to tell you what to do about that little snafu.

Death Count: 13

I love the fact that the game is sarcastic with you. "Well what do you know" indeed!

You have a ton of items, and your arms must be getting tired. It also seems like that poor spider has nothing! So just, you know, toss him some stuff. Do you really need two jars? Two towels? Two knives? You can spare one. I also have a good feeling about the bottle of cologne being thrown down there, breaking open, and suffocating the spider in a cloud of simulated masculinity.

Oh so this is a H-game. I didn't know that!

This is seriously the best line ever.

You already used up your SPIDER, so you can't THROW SPIDER at SPIDER, can you?

You'd think axes would work on spiders? Or maybe more thunder? Do you have a spell that makes light? Pull a Samwise on that spider!

I am strongly inclined to agree.

The successive warning about there being a huge Spider in there and then finally just saying, "It's a huge damn spider" once you go there is great. Uninvited is also chock full of puns and references to other media (We've seen the "Dogs. Why did it have to be dogs?" and "My precious" lines so far).