Let's Play: The Bard's Tale - Tales of the Unknown

Sorry. I have a ton of crap going on right now such that my free time is virtually nil. Maybe Thursday?

In the meantime: Lookie what I found! Animated GIFs!

Fight an' eal, once again, numbered six.
With addition of Calorie's tricks.
Since Truckles was messed up,
They got his wounds dressed up.
Inspiration then hit him like bricks.



Truckles: Uh, Grissom.

Grissom: Yeah, Truckles?

Truckles: You know how, with each battle we fight, we get more, uh, experienced?

Grissom: Sure.

Truckles: Well, I kind of feel like I should have reached the next, uh, level, of
proficiency... at my job.

Pants: Come to think of it, I feel like I should be better at bardering, er, barding, er, bard-type stuff.

Grissom: Wow, you guys are totally right. Let's see what our adventurer's manual has to say about this:

Truckles: You must be fucking kidding me.

Grissom: Wow, it's not even marked on our map.

Pants: Does it give any clue as to where it might be?

Grissom: Let's see... on the line right above that... it mentions taverns as a source of gossip.

Pants: Sweet! To the bar!



Giacomo: Hmmph! I cannot believe we are going to pay this man for his... services.

Pants: After all the drinks I've had here, maybe he'll give me gossip for free.



Pants: Or maybe not. How's, uh, 1 gold coin for your trouble?



Alena: Uh... yeah. So he's basically saying he wants us to spend more money in his bar. Great advice.

Truckles: Pants! Give him more money!



Pants: Uh... ok?



Pants: Trumpet street? Isn't that where I really wanted to go into one of the unmarked buildings? Maybe that's it!

Grissom: Or maybe that was 7 Barbarians ready to grind us into a fine red mist.

Truckles: A chance I'm willing to take. To Trumpet street!



Calorie Mate: Oh boy! My first battle!

Pants: We were all eager in our first battles too. Until some Barbarians brutally dismembered...

Grissom: Shh... the lad doesn't need to know such things.

Giacomo: So precocious one, what is it exactly that you can do?

Calorie Mate: I can blow rings from my--

Giacomo: In battle! To help us out!

Calorie Mate: Oh. I can give one of your weapons vorpal plating for a battle which will increase its damage.



Calorie Mate: Snicker-snack!

OOooh, a cliff-hanger ;-)

I just remembered this: I think you should challenge the whole of Talking Time with the riddles of the Magic Mouths. Those were REAL puzzles, not the lame "Find Lever/Push Boulder" type puzzles of today...

And here I was thinking that "Vorpal" was a real english word.

Well, it wouldn't be the first word Lewis Carroll made up that became a real word. For instance, chortle was first used in that same poem.


EDIT: Also, does no one like that dude's wine, so that he has to make a sale's pitch to get people to buy it?

Beware the Jabberwock my son, the jaws that bite, the claws that catch, beware the Jub-Jub bird and shun the frumious bandersnatch.

I may have gotten that part wrong but I had to memorize that whole poem for a school assignment once.

With young Calorie Mate's brand new spell
The two Hobgoblins heads quickly fell.
Then they scampered off toward
The Advisory Board
Hoping feelings of Pants were a tell.



Pants: Okay, I really want to go in the door off to the left!



Alena: Um... looks pretty non-descript... like one of the doors that had nasty, bloodthirsty creatures that could easily kill us.

Truckles: Bah! What are we, snivelling cowardly hobbits?

Pants: In my case, yes!

Truckles: Charge!



All: Whew.

Giacomo: You guys sure do not make it easy to find your personages.

Board Member #1: Do you have any idea how annoying you adventurers are? Every time you off a couple of kobolds, you think you deserve something. You come in here, causing a ruckus, getting your muddy bootprints all over everything and then get annoyed when we don't promote you and leave in a huff.

Alena: If you dislike us so much, then why do you stay open?

Board Member #2: [shrugs] It pays the bills.



Truckles: Ooh, me, me! Pick me!



Truckles: I feel like I should hit the casinos now.

Pants: How about me?



Pants: Oh yeah, dulcet tones and huge muscles!

Grissom: Alright you old fuddy-duddies, check me out!



Grissom: Ha! I'm tough as nails, nothing can hurt me!

Truckles punches him in the stomach

Grissom: Oof!

Truckles: That seems to have hurt you.

Alena: Ahem, I also feel like I might be ready for advancement.



Alena: You think you've got impressive muscles Pants?

Truckles: Ha ha, she puts you to shame.

Pants: *whimper*

Giacomo: Since everyone else seems to be advancing, I am sure that I too will gain something to impress the ladies.



Giacomo: Crap.

This gives me flashbacks to training costs in AD&D, but in a good way.

Intermezzo: Leveling up in Bard's Tale

This last update basically shows you how your characters go up a level in Bard's Tale. First they must gain enough experience. Once they do, you go to the advisory board and they will grant you a level up. This grants additional hit points (and spell points to magic users) as in most games. In addition, you get +1 to a random attribute. This can be pretty awesome or pretty lame depending on what attribute gets raised. Since there are generally four attributes that matter, it generally won't be too bad. (i.e. Fighters don't care about Intelligence and Magic Users don't care about strength). Magic Users don't care as much about Constitution as the other three statistics. I was nice and lucky that everyone got at least a decent attribute upgrade.

You'll also noticed that Alena went up a level while Giacomo didn't, even though they've both been in the party the same amount of time. Different classes go up at different rates. Except for the special magic-user classes that are only available later, there are two experience tables: Warrior, Paladin, Hunter, Bard, and Rogue fall into table A and Monk, Conjurer and Magician fall into table B. Classes in Table B advance a little more quickly than those in table A up through level 8. After that, classes in table A advance more quickly. The difference really aren't that profound (Table A gets to level 2 at 2000 experience points while Table B gets there at 1800) but it's something to keep in mind.

One final aspect of gaining a level is getting new spells. Magic users only gain new spells at odd-numbered levels so you'll see how that works when Grissom reaches level 3.

EDIT: You'll also notice Alena's Armor Class went down. For each level a Monk gains, they lose one point of AC. This means their Armor Class quickly gets to be the best in the group.

Giacomo: I propose that we run around and fight random monsters until the ingrates at the review board decide to give me my due!

Truckles: That involves fighting the oppressive power regime and smashing things so I approve.

Alena: Yeah, I want to test out my newfound strength.


The crew with their latest advances,
Was willing to take some more chances.
In houses they roamed
And splattered some Gnomes,
But then a new foe met their glances.



Calorie Mate: A puppy!

Alena: I always wanted a dog, but my father never let me have one.

Truckles: He doesn't look very friendly.

Giacomo: Do not worry, my charm can tame both man and beast.

Mad Dog: Grrrrrrr!

Giacomo: On second thought...



Pants: I've always wanted to kill puppies!

Everyone stares at him

Giacomo: Mr. Pants, these are things you keep to yourself.

Grissom: Say, to completely change the topic, but it appears we'll have a bit of extra cash after healing Giacomo. How about outfitting us on the back line with the best armor we can have? It will be pretty cheap.

Alena: Why don't we who are actually getting hit get the best armor?

Grissom: Because your armor costs astronomically more than ours?

Alena: Fine. Be that way.



Grissom: See? Only 40 gold for these fine robes.

Truckles: But then why did we buy Pants scale armor? That cost 300.

Giacomo: Because we are all afraid of him now.

Alena: Hey, why do leather gloves cost more than gauntlets? They provide the same protection.

Grissom: Because when Mangar came into town, many of the cows were killed creating a significant leather shortage.

Alena: But leather armor is still pretty cheap.

Grissom: Well, uh, I don't know, but I'm sure it isn't any gameplay conceit because twice as many classes can use leather gloves as can use gauntlets.

Truckles: You talk funny sometimes.

Giacomo: I think we can head back to the review board now. I am clearly more experienced in the ways of... mostly killing things I would guess.



Giacomo: Ha! I had a feeling I was going to get lucky tonight.

Awesome! Now to kick some statue butt! Repeatedly, if it can be done...if it nets you enough gold.

In the version of Bard's Tale I played, statues would reset just by entering and exiting the adventurer's guild. In this one, it seems I actually have to quit and reload the game, making statue farming more difficult (a shame since the Samurai statue was the best way to farm experience in the early going).

Small typo that makes an important point confusing.

Anyways, glad to see our brave warriors have finally begun to survive long enough to level. I'm not sure I could handle this much grinding in the streets. Once I found where the first dungeon was at; I'd usually head there pretty fast. Probably why I never got all the way through it.

Calorie Mate: Guys? I know you're all happy that you've gained the approval of these mysterious robed figures, but I'm bored.

Truckles: Yeah? What do you want to do, pipsqueak?

Calorie Mate: Uh... I don't know? Help?

Alena: I'd love to see more of what this town has to offer. Especially since most of my stay here has consisted of hanging out with the losers at the adventurers hall.

Everyone stares at Alena

Alena: Uh, present company excluded. Of course.

Giacomo: Damn straight!

Grissom: That sounds like a good idea, let's check our map.



Calorie Mate: Ooh! Let's check out the Gran Plaz! That sounds fancy.



Alena: Wow, that looks... uh... like nothing.

Grissom: Skara Brae is not known for its draw distance.

Pants: The map shows there are lots of temples on the Gran Plaz... including the Mad God's Temple. Can we go there? I've always wondered what he's angry about.



Pants: So, is your god upset about something. Or, uh, do you mean that he's, like, cuckoo for cocoa puffs?





Pants: He's as mad as any I know...*

*If I had played this recently, the name there would probably be Dyack




Pants: But I'm not...

Truckles: Time to go, Pants.

Pants: Hmmph. So now what?

Giacomo: There are many other temples on this square. Maybe one worships my deity.

Alena: Who is your deity, anyway?

Giacomo: Wilt Chamberlain



Pants: Ooh, Great Gods. They sound pretty good.

Giacomo: Now, now. It's always best to shop around to see who has the best Gods. It's what I did. Let's check out the temple next to theirs...



Giacomo: You see? Greatest Gods. Clearly, this is the temple to go to.

Pants: Say, Mr. Priest, how do you know your Gods are the Greatest?

Priest: Our Gods won the God-Penis-Measuring Contest.

Alena: Eww.

Grissom: Let's leave before he tells us whether that is metaphorical or not.

Calorie Mate: Let's explore more! How about this suspicious looking house northwest of the Gran Plaz?

Pants: Where?

Calorie Mate: At the corner of Grey Knife and Serpent - it looks like one of the specially marked buildings.

Pants: Ooh, that looks fun!

Grissom: What is it with you people and wanting to enter suspicious looking places? In the past they've served to nearly get us all killed.

Truckles: Ha! We are stronger now! Bring on the hordes of barbarians!



Grissom: *gulp*



Calorie Mate: You don't look like a Barbarian.

Roscoe: 'course I'm not. I'm a wizard! 'oo wants some spell points?

Calorie Mate: Gee, we're all full up, but thanks for the offer!

Roscoe: Bah! Then get'cher arses out of 'ere and stop botherin' me cat, Twinkles.

Pants: Now what?

Truckles: The map says there are statues over there. We're pretty good at beating up that one on Rakhir street. Let's do the same for those!

Giacomo: You are nothing, if not consistent my semi-orcish friend.



Grissom: That, uh, looks a bit tougher than the samurai statue.

Truckles: Yeah, even I'm not stupid enough to attack it.


Next they wandered around the northwest,
Tried a tavern which failed to impress.
And then they knocked flat
Some Skeletons that
Gave Truckle a hole in the chest.

Truckles: I'm kinda woozy.

Calorie Mates: Surely the greatest Gods can help you out!



Grissom: I see the Greatest Gods charge the same for their service as all the other temples.

Priest: Count yourself lucky we don't charge more!

The grinding... It harms the very fiber of my being.

Luckily, the Great Gods/Greatest Gods beef picks me right back up again!

I... I never noticed the "Great Gods" "Greatest Gods" before. Thats freaking awesome.

Is there any difference in temples other than how great their gods are?

I want to see a temple with 'awesome gods'.

And here I thought a Temple of "Radical Gods" would please you most.

The laugh induced by the "Great Gods"/"Greatest Gods" bit was far louder than is appropriate inside a crowded apartment building at 3:30 in the morning.

Yeah, that got me too, but when I started thinking about other things to insert in the Temple spot, the funniest one I came up with was "Den of Atheists."

Nothing like sacrilege in the early morning to set yer day off right!

No. The only special temple is the temple of the mad god. But we don't know his name, yet...

HINT: It's not YHWH.

Oh Bard's Tale oh Red Hedgehog what happened? We barely started the advenutre before it all came to a tragic and drastic end wondering about a temple...

Yeah, Red - what up? This was one of my favourites, and then I just up and forgot about it.

How dare you have a life outside my amusement!

Sorry guys, work hit me like a ton of bricks this past month. Such that when I come home I barely have an hour or two of time to myself before bed.

I'll be taking a vacation soon which will hopefully refresh me and I'm hoping to get at least one more update in before then (since I've played it, but just not yet written it up).

Good things are worth waiting for. This is one of my favorite LPs to date.

Works for me. It's nice to hear something every now and then at least and some things are worth waiting for.