Let's Play: The Bard's Tale - Tales of the Unknown

I'm not sure what you mean by this in the context of Bard's Tale...

Sounds like a plan. I hope you don't think we're making this hard out of spite or anything.

Even though we are.

I knew there was spoiler text there. I just knew it.

I'm so happy.

Now that they had a group of six once more,
They headed where they always go: the store.



Giacomo: So, miss Alena. How do you like our city of Skara Brae?

Alena: Oh, it's very nice. But I do miss the comforts of home.

Giacomo: And what would those be?

Alena: Oh, you know, short squat sprites, people wandering aimlessly who only say one thing, and a tune that follows you wherever you go.

Pants: I could provide a tune...

Truckles and Giacomo: No!

Chomsky: I must say that I'm torn between my displeasure in supporting the military-industrial complex and my desire to have cool weapons.

Grissom: You know, since we have more than enough gold to outfit everyone in the front row and then some, we could probably afford to get someone a halbard.

Giacomo: Don't you mean a "halberd"?

Grissom: No, no, a halbard is a weapon unique to this city that is probably not at all a typo for halberd.



Alena: Well, I don't need it. I have my earrings.

Pants: You attack with earrings?

Alena: Oh yes, they give me great strength!

Grissom: Yeah... I think we'll get you the halbard anyway.

Truckles: Do we have enough money leftover to discover what this mysterious weapon I've been carrying is?

Grissom: Sure! Garth, could you tell us about this strange and unique weapon that Truckles found? Here is 20 gold for your trouble.

Garth: Sure.



Pants: It's a mace? Just a regular old mace? Are we all just too stupid to figure that out?

Grissom: Let us never speak of this again.

I have no clue what causes an item to not be identified when you find it. Usually only rarer stuff is unidentified, while common stuff such as this buckler I found earlier and a Tower Shield I got this session is IDed. But every so often a really low level weapon or armor appears unidentified and annoys you when you finally get it back to Garth's and waste the money to ID it.

Pants: And now, I need a drink!



Pants: [To the new people] Previously, there was a nasty guardian samurai statue in front of here, but we took care of it and killed it.



Giacomo: Took care of it, huh?

Pants: B-b-but, I swear, we took it down. I even started to write a song about it.

Grissom: Relax Pants, it probably just regenerates every time we go back to the adventurer's guild.

Chomsky: Does it seem odd to anyone else that the regeneration of this statue should be tied to the movements of our group? It's almost as if this world revolves around us.

Giacomo: According to my deity, it does.

Pants: Careful, this samurai hits hard!

Alena: Not if I hit it first! WHACK!

Alena kills the statue in one hit, doing about 15 or 16 damage to it



Alena: Maybe this halbard is better than my earrings.

Pants: While I enjoyed the foul spirits last time, I think I'll try an Ale this time.



Alena: Lovely.

Chomsky: Say, I notice we can talk to the bartender. In the interest of a highly organized and democratic community, maybe we should see what he has to say.

Giacomo: Let Giacomo take care of this! My charisma is irresistible.



Giacomo: Pay? I'm sorry, but Giacomo has never paid to win the affections of others.



Giacomo: You, sir, have deeply offended me!

Truckles: Come on, Giacomo, take out your anger on these guys.



Pants: Uh oh, watch out! Last time we fought these guys, they did some seriously injury to us.

Alena: WHACK!

Giacomo: WHACK!

Chomsky: WHACK!



Pants: Say, I like these new guys.

And with the next set of enemies encountered...







Pants: Sweet! We are total killing machines. Back to the tavern, drinks are on me!

I take it you have turned the corner, then?

The crew felt good about their victories.
The foes they met had been dispatched with ease.
Back at the inn, there was much cheer and laughs,
But on their exit, Hobbits crossed their path.

Pants: Hobbits? You guys must be friendly, right? After all, we journeyed with one of you named Philliam! Do you know him?

Hobbits: Grr!

Grissom: I get the feeling they do. And they're a bit upset at us for getting him killed.

Truckles: Chomsky, you said you're good with languages. Talk to them.

Chomskey: Well, linguistics to be precise. For example, I could analyze their language and determine whether it met the pattern of a context-free grammar. I could then determine its generative properties and...



Chomsky: Urk! Or I could kick their tiny butts!



Grissom: Yeah! Fried Hobbit! Look at me, I actually killed something!

Truckles: You are way too excited about that.


With scant exertion this crew won again.
Their next foe, too, was lilliputian.

Truckles: Chomsky, you know these guys?

Chomsky: Why no! And I certainly don't owe them any money!



Truckles: Odd, they sure don't seem to like you.

Chomsky: They're just lackeys of the oppressive power system. Duped by a complicit media acting as a propaganda arm for the ruling and corporate interests, they think my challenge to the status quo is against a positive force when, indeed I am acting to remove them from their wage slavery and corrupt leadership!

Truckles: I think I might know why they don't like you, now.


Upon defeat of Chomsky's kin, they felt
It prudent to cure all wounds he was dealt.
They killed some hobgoblins along the way.
While curing here's what the priests had to say:
http://www.cs.utah.edu/~goldberg/BThealing.mp3



Chomsky: Ah, I feel much better now. Once again ready to take on the hegemony of the elite!



Pants: Ooh, Orcs. These guys look a lot like hobgoblins.

Truckles: Hmmph. I think they're a lot more handsome.



Alena: THWACK!

Giacomo: Alena, you are like a woman possessed with that weapon!

Alena: [curtsies] Thank you.

Pants: I wonder if these are easier or tougher than hobgoblins.



Chomsky: Tougher! Back to the temple!

Chomsky: Phew, that was close. At least nothing else really bad could happen to me today.

Pants: Hey guys, it's Miller time (tm)

Giacomo: While I certainly appreciate a fine beverage, don't you think you've had enough to drink today, Pants?

Pants: You're probably right.



Pants: Barkeep, one Ginger Ale.



Pants: You knew that would happen, didn't you?

Giacomo: You have learned a valuable lesson today.

Not only that, but Ginger Ale doesn't count for restoring your throat so your bard can sing again, either. You have to buy an alcoholic beverage.


They left the tavern after much libation,
Which caused Pants to be struck with inspiration

Yeah, I broke the iambic pentameter above. Sue me.

Pants: Hey guys, since we keep getting beat up on, maybe I should play a song that makes us harder to hit.

Grissom: Pants, why don't you remember your songs before we get beat up?

Pants: I just learned this one. From some odd wizard that enjoyed throwing vegetables. Here it is, The Traveller's Tune.

Alena: This song reminds me of a story I once heard of a boy with wings and a bow and arrow.

Grissom: Huh.

This song is actually pretty great as it lowers the armor class of each of your party members by one (which, since this game was based on D&D, is a good thing) if you play it outside of battle. It lasts until you play another song or go into the adventurer's hall. I believe the armor class bonus increases as your bard's level goes up as well.



Grissom: Yikes, these guys are tough. We should probably run.

Giacomo: Are you kidding? How would the ladies view me if I ran like a coward from uncultured ruffians such as these?



Giacomo: That could have gone better.

Chomsky: Ow.

Pants: Back to the temple, I guess.

Grissom: *sigh* And we were actually making a profit up until now.


Before brave Fight an 'eal could make it there,
They faced a single kobold in the square.

Alena: One kobold? We've been skewering these guys left and right and they rarely do more than a single point of damage to us.

Grissom: Still, to be safe we should probably run.


They tried to flee, but were quite blocked in front.
It seemed as though they'd have to face this runt.

Pants: Oh well, we've always been fast enough to attack before the Kobolds did anyway. I'm sure we'll be fine.



Chomsky: Gack! It looks as though I won't be able to bring down the oppressive power structure. You guys will have to carry on the effort to remove the illegitimate leader and install democratic control of the city without me.

Truckles: Uh, yeah, we'll do that.


And so, once more, a death ended their day.
Back to the starting point, they made their way.
This time their efforts did not seem in vain.
Much more experience and gear they gained.

The monsters in this game are spectacularly ugly, gotta give 'em that.

NO, MY GUY DIED!

Oh Chomsky, we'll always have our memories. I shall pine for you.

Not Chomsky! Dude's dialog was comic gold.

You're a king, Hedge; a king!

Damn now we'll miss out on all the pseudo intellectual babble... Wait I own some of his books...

This is currently the best thread on Talking Time. How difficult are later dungeons if you get stuck with a crappy party Hedge? Also, what's a good balance? I'd guess Fighter, Monk, aaaand Paladin? in the front row. (I think I normally ran with a Thief for trap disarms, but a comment you made implied a Conjurer does a better job at this.) Back row of Conjurer, Wizard, and Bard (who gets rotated into the front when someone is low hp).

Anyways, who's up next?

I'm kinda glad Chomsky died, he talked way too much.

I lol'd.

You wound me sir! Just for that I'm... well you'll see what happens next update. (Which I can hopefully get done today).

Truckles: That kobold bastard! He killed one of the finest minds of our generation.

Pants: Truckles?

Truckles: The more I think about it, the more I realize how much wisdom was in Chomsky the Gnome's words. Authority is inherently illegitimate! The only free society is one with sufficient organization and democratic control!

Grissom: Truckles, do you even know what all that means?

Pants: Do you even know what all those words mean?

Truckles: [sheepishly] Most of them...

Alena: So guys, maybe we should see about recruiting another member.

Giacomo: Perhaps a fine lady?

Alena glares at Giacomo

Grissom: It may be time we get another magic user so those not in front have something to do in combat.

Pants: I don't know, given the frequency at which our fighters have... departed us... we may be better off just getting another one.


As Fight an 'eal discussed their party's needs,
A warrior eager to perform brave deeds
Was near enough to overhear their talk
And knew he'd be the one to walk the walk.



Loto or Erdrick: Greetings, fellow adventurers! I believe I would make a fine addition to your group as long as you folk are willing to help me on my quest.

Giacomo: And what sort of quest is that?

Loto or Erdrick: My quest... for dragons!

Alena: I feel an odd kinship with him.

Pants: Yeah, uh, we can barely handle shirtless guys with axes. I think we're a long way off from being able to kill a dragon.

Loto or Erdrick: Oh, that's okay, I think I'm just supposed to quest for them, not necessarily kill them.

Truckles: So what's your name?

Loto or Erdrick: My name is Loto!... or Erdrick.

Grissom: Wait, is your name Loto or Erdrick?

Loto or Erdrick: Yes!

Grissom: No, I didn't mean is it one or the other, I meant... oooooh, I get it!

Truckles: Wait, I don't. What's his?...

Grissom: I'll explain later.

Pants: So, uh, Loto, for joining our group we can give you this equipement.

Loto or Erdrick: *gasp* It's the sword of Erdrick! And the armor of Erdrick! And the shield, helmet, and gauntlets of Erdrick! I thank you for bringing these to me.

Truckles: They're not special or anything, they're just...

Giacomo: [To Grissom] Quiet! He seems very happy with them, and does not need to know that, until recently, they were the sword, shield, etc. of Chomsky.

Ha!

If you'll excuse me, I have to go laugh myself to death.

STAY AWAY FROM THE TREES

Sir, I am typring this from the floor, where, until recently, I was rolling with laughter.

Were I wearing one, my hat would be off to you.

I also would take Octoprime's hat off to you if he were wearing one.

= highly amused

Indeed, a most excellent name.

The latest iteration of the party Fight an 'Eal.
Set forth to the Thief Temple where their grievous wounds were healed.

Giacomo: It seems we have gold left after healing people to buy one of those great Halbards.

Truckles: Hey, speaking of which, fork it over Alena!

Alena: What? But I... you said this was mine.

Truckles: I need to better, uh, illegitimate the authority!

Pants: Sorry Alena, the people in the front get the best equipment. Those are the rules of Fight an 'eal.

Alena: Fine! My earrings are prettier than this ugly old halbard, anyway.



Truckles: Yes! Cower before me, puny creatures!

Grissom: Truckles, I'm pretty sure that statement doesn't mesh with your new philosophy.

Truckles: Says who?


As is tradition, Garth's was visited
Where new supplies were then distributed.

Giacomo: Now Loto... Erdrick... whatever, we need to fairly decide which of us gets this...

Loto or Erdrick Why it's the halbard of Erdrick! Thank you Mr. Garth for holding onto this for me. I'll gladly pay your finder's free of 200 gold.

Giacomo: I feel like I was just fleeced!

Alena: That was pretty smooth.

Pants: Say, now that we're better outfitted, maybe we can explore more of the city than just the part between Garth's and the Scarlet Bard Inn.

Loto or Erdrick: Yes! And perhaps we'll find... a dragon!

Giacomo: Please God, no.



Grissom: According to our map since we're in the northeast section of the city, Kylearan's Tower should be right in front of us.



Truckles: I don't see anything.

Loto or Erdrick: Let us continue onward!



Pants: Wait, so one step in front of us was this gate leading to the tower and we couldn't see it?

Grissom: Must be an odd trick of the light.

Pants: Screw this, I want to check out the other taverns in town to see how they compare with the Scarlet Bard. Plus, maybe we'll catch them during happy hour!

Grissom: Okay, let head to the one on Trumpet street.



Pants: I suddenly have a really strong desire to go in this building to the left of us!

Truckles: The last time we followed your desire to go in an unmarked building, we encountered a group of seven barbarians who killed off two people.

Grissom: Besides the tavern should be in the next building after that one.

Pants pouts.



Truckles: This selection is boring.

Pants: But they do have foul spirits! My favorite!

Grissom: Okay, the next stop on our pub crawl is tucked in a little alley down Bard Blazon street.



Giacomo: Why is it that none of these places have Appletinis?

Everyone stares at Giacomo

Giacomo: Uh, you know... for the ladies!

Alena: I don't know what you're talking about. I like beer.

Grissom: And the Scarlet Bard is the only tavern we've been to so far that has wine.

Truckles: Given the quality of Skara Brae wine, that doesn't surprise me.

Everyone stares at Truckles

Truckles: What? The wine here is shit.

Giacomo: I would not have pegged you for a wine connoisseur.

Truckles: Hey, I am a man of many interests! Including wine, smashing things, and the philosophy taught to me by the recently deceased Chomsky. People underestimate my intelligence, but my mind is like a sieve!

Grissom: You mean, sponge?

Truckles: Maybe.

Alena: Hey, I notice on the map there's an exit to the town south of here. Since there's no gate, maybe we can escape and I can send word to my father in Santeem to send help.

Giacomo: Brilliant idea, miss Alena! Let us head down the not-at-all ominous sounding Sinister street.



Truckles: This street doesn't seem so bad.

Pants: Maybe it just got its name because a lot of left-handed people live on it.

Loto or Erdrick: Or dragons!

Truckles: Uh huh.

The party takes five steps down the street



Alena: I can't wait to get back to Santeem, where the sky is blue, the grass is green, and every question can be answered by yes or no.

Loto or Erdrick: As it should be.

Grissom: Does it seem odd to anyone that this exit to the city would be completely unblocked and unguarded?

Pants: Oh, you know how diabolical villains are, they always leave an avenue for the hero(es) to escape.

Grissom: Yeah, but I didn't think it would be a literal avenue.

The party take ten more steps down the street



Truckles: Man, seems like we've been walking down this street forever. I wonder how far we've... Whuh?!?

Alena: What is it, Truckles?

Truckles: Turn around.



Giacomo: Why, for all the steps we've taken, we are no further out of town than when we started! What sort of foul magic is this?

Grissom: Hey buddy, magic has been a force for much good in this world and, though it may be misused, there is nothing foul about it!

Alena: What's his deal?

Truckles: Must be one of those Magic Anti-Defamation League members.

Pants: Guys, this may be the alcohol talking, but I'm getting really paranoid being here so far from a temple that we may be ambushed by a horde of barbarians or something.

Grissom: Pants, alcohol makes you braver. It's marijuana that makes you paranoid.

Pants: Oh, it must that talking then.



Truckles: Hobbits again? What's with these guys?

Pants: Oh hey, guys, did I forget to mention the local Hobbit chieftess put a bounty on my head?

Everyone else: What?!?

Pants: Yeah, well, you see my barding school was doing a student performance for her and her entourage. During my solo, her uncle just happened to have a heart attack and she blamed me for it. Can you believe that?

Truckles: Having heard your singing, yes.

.....

Giacomo: Guys, ladies prefer it if you only show a little chest hair, not the whole package.



Loto or Erdrick: That'll teach them to go shirtless!

.....



Grissom: I'd feel bad about killing these guys if they didn't carry so much gold on them.

.....



Pants: Geez, these guys sent their whole army against us!

Loto or Erdrick: [hopefully] Maybe next they'll send a dragon after us!

Truckles: What is it with you and dragons?

Loto or Erdrick: I have... feelings for them.

Alena: Did not need to know that.

Truckles: Ooh, a new foe. They look kind of like mercenaries. I wonder how they compare.



Giacomo: Blurk! They seem tougher to me.



Giacomo: Whew, that's the last of them. Killing these guys better have been worth it!



Truckles: 51 gold each? That's... that's, uh... a lot!

Giacomo: Yes, my mathematically challenged friend. Even after healing Loto, we'll have enough left over to get me one of them halbards you and he have been brandishing about.



Giacomo: Closed? I didn't even know it was evening!

Pants: We've been so caught up in massacring Hobbits, that we didn't notice how dark the sky had gotten.



Alena: Yeah... where I come from, everything gets darker at night.

Loto or Erdrick: Hmmph, where I'm from, a day/night cycle is the peak of luxury.

Grissom: Guys, as much I'm enjoying this discussion on the comparative nocturnal qualities of our homelands, I presume in all of them monsters are a lot worse at night. Given, we can barely survive certain daytime encounters, might I recommend we hole up at the adventurer's guild until morning.


They all agreed that Grissom's plan was best
And headed to advent'rer's hall to rest.
They passed the time until the night was gone
And ventured forth once more at break of dawn.



Pants: Maybe Skara Brae does need a few more shades of blue.

Alena: Brey? Is that you?



Loto or Erdrick: Ha! Cut down before he could unleash his deadly HURT spell.

Grissom: Actually, it would be ARFI, but HURT is a pretty cool four letter abbreviation. What's it stand for?

Loto or Erdrick: Oh, it's not short for anything. It just means hurt. Where I'm from, we just like to capitalize our spell names. Makes them seem more important.

.....



Pants: Eight of them? Retreat time!

.....



Pants: And we'll be running from these guys too.

.....



Pants: Okay, at least we can handle two of them.

Grissom: Say Truckles, I notice you haven't been espousing your new philosophy recently.

Truckles: Oh yeah, uh...



Truckles: Eat democracy!

Loto or Erdrick: What he said!

.....



Grissom: Sure are a lot of these guys around. Escape!

Loto or Erdrick: It's a good thing I took up jogging.

.....



Alena: Well we took out two of them without too much trouble.

Giacomo: I am tired of running. It does not impress the ladies.

Truckles: Yeah, we can show these tools of the corrupt power hegemony what's what!

Grissom: Truckles, that actually made sense.

Pants: That's probably a bad sign.



Loto or Erdrick: Oh no! I have fallen in my prime before my quest for a dragon could be completed. Truckles, will you take this tablet of Erdrick so future generations may know of me?

Truckles: No.

Loto or Erdrick: But thou must!

Although the three barbarians were felled,
The spirits of brave Fight an 'eal were quelled.
They'd made some good steps forward from their start,
But now returned again with heavy heart.

Alena: I'm going to miss Loto... Erdrick... whatever. I feel like we had a connection.

Giacomo: If you like, miss Alena, I could comfort you and then, perhaps, we could make a connection.

Alena glares at Giacomo

Pants: Ooh, I'm going to have to remember that line.

Grissom: I wonder what was on that tablet of his.

Truckles: If you'd like, you can read it.

Truckles hands the tablet of Erdrick to Grissom

Alena: [surprised, but happy] Truckles, you did take it!

Truckles: [shrugs] He wouldn't take no for an answer.

Grissom: Ah, now let's see what his final message to the world was...

The Hedgehog wins.