What in Blazes!? It's Wild Arms 2!

Post #5 in an update that started on the previous page.



“I have to murder you now. Please understand.”



Never go full Gendo.



So turtle dodging brings out our old friend Inner Voice again.



I feel like Inner Voice has an agenda…



“Hey, Trask! Put on your helmet!”



Judecca was distinctly afraid for his life after his first light experience, so this reaction seems appropriate. You know, for a murderer.



But Marivel has swooped in out of nowhere and saved everybody! Also, I have no idea what she’s saying!



Though this is pretty straightforward. Marivel knows something.



Okay, this at least makes sense from a foreshadowing perspective. Alpha and omega and nothing about the lady consort’s child.



Yeah, this was a good plan except for deus ex mystery girl and Ashley turning into a light bulb. I can understand not foreseeing that.



Judecca flees, and the zoomed out view shows off this monster pyramid off to the side. This is like your one and only indicator that you should come back to this area after completing most of the game for a super secret boss. Good luck noticing that and then remembering it, though.



So an official battle with Trask begins, and Ashley is looking a bit different. Yes, we have seen this form before, albeit briefly.



Ashley has become… a polygonal power ranger.



Cool scarf, though.



He’ll officially get the name next update, but this is Ashley in Knight Blazer form. Knight Blazer ups all of Ashley’s stats, but also locks all of his “natural” abilities, like his Accelerator and Arms attacks. Of course, that isn’t a great loss, as Accelerator isn’t as necessary when Knight Blazer has upped speed, and Arms have a nasty habit of running out of bullets. Ashley’s Knight Blazer skills are Hot Fencer and Banisher. Hot Fencer is a fiery light saber attack that, for a whole 4 FP, is generally a great choice to burn monsters to a crisp.



Though Ashley’s default attack is pretty fancy, too.



I’d love to tell you more about this Trask fight, but Ashley used the banisher, and that’s all she wrote. The Banisher is an all-or-nothing attack that will deactivate Knight Blazer form at the expense of blasting Ashley’s opponent into orbit. Dropping Knight Blazer mode is a bummer, but there isn’t a whole lot that won’t be instantly banished.



Access is Ashley’s Level 4 FP skill, and, as you’ve probably guessed, it will activate Knight Blazer mode whenever you please. Of course, Level 4/100 FP is literally the max FP any character can acquire in a battle, so this doesn’t exactly happen every day. Knight Blazer is basically there to make boss fights easier (and a lot of boss fights seem to be balanced with KB in mind).

Also, we didn’t skip any other abilities, everyone else still only has their initial Level 1 FP skill. We’ll fill in the blanks later.



“Ha, ha, ha! It's finished. ............ No. That's wrong. It's started. Woa! My... strength... is... disappearing.”

Yeah, it’s hard to be a power ranger.



Back to normal.



“And… uh… do we get super forms, too? Please?”



… Huh?



Oh, think there was supposed to be a “why” somewhere in the last statement. ARMS is all about having crippling mental problems.



And, as Marivel leads the villagers to safety (without getting captured, I might add), we close the book on yet another prison.



Back at the castle.

CONTINUED NEXT POST

“Heard you turned into a…. it says here a… black metal man? Is that right?”



“I morph all the time. It’s cool. Let me tell you about the time I turned green. That wasn’t easy.”



Oh nooooooow we’re buddies.



Well, okay, that’s good stuff.

ARMS Mission #6:
Open diplomatic channels with Sylvaland to freely use their sweet teleporters
Status: Success!
Notes: Was nearly crucified. Literally.



“This makes my job sooooo much easier.”



And Irving out of nowhere!



“Even though the entire reason a complete town was kidnapped was just to get to you.”



… Trolls? Rats? Trolls eating rats?



“Queen and I are gonna catch up. We used to date. You wouldn't understand. Rich people stuff.”



“Yes, let’s eliminate our entire military and replace it with three dorks that nearly get killed on a daily basis. That should work wonders.”



So we can explore the castle again for whatever reason.



But the important thing is waiting at the castle entrance (“below the castle”?).



We’re heroes! Normal heroes! Yay!



Damn straight!



DON’T DATE HEROES.



And Irving knows a photo op when he sees one.



“That’s right! Only ARMS! No one else in the world! All glory to ARMS! … We’ve got some t-shirts over at the merch table.”



Wild Arms 2 can’t let you enjoy yourself too long, so let’s see how Odessa is doing.



“He has failed. Destroying the ARMS isn't so simple. It appears not a single person was killed. Our casualty list reports ‘Trask’, the anti-human monster, as demolished.”

Dammit! Trask was one day from retirement!



Vinsfeld is really taking the loss of Trask poorly.



“Like, literally a flash. I just want to be clear on that. Not a euphemism.”



Ashley is our trump card? Filgaia is doomed.



“We can't let it go. With our operating funds, secure energy for the ‘Heimdal Gazzo’. Then there's the ‘ARMS’ gaining influence. We've got problems. The ‘Secret Evil Society’ is so terrible. Ha. Ha.”

Vinny has a brief nervous breakdown. Being a terrorist is hard!



So here’s a fun question: is Caina just summoning demons out of nowhere, or is he converting Odessa soldiers into monsters, like during the ARMS ceremony?



Anyway, what’s important is that Vinsfeld has some major greed issues.

CONTINUED NEXT POST

Gasp! “That boy”? Could that be one of the only three named boys we’ve seen on this entire planet?



But first, Vinny is gonna get some.



Antenora… doesn’t sound thrilled.

Actually, let’s talk about sex, baby. It’s a silly thing, but have you ever noticed that JRPG villains have a tendency to be fairly… sexless? Like, of the Final Fantasy pantheon, we’ve only got, what, Seymour? And he was mostly just rapey to advance his own political clout. Beyond that, we’ve got the likes of Golbez, Kefka, Sephiroth, Ultimecia, and… did any of these people ever get laid? I’m not saying every supervillain needs to be macking it at all times, but it’s kind of weird that world domination rules out having a sex life. Did you see Sephiroth’s abs? Dude would have no problem getting anybody’s attention. I mean, I know he’s a bad dude, and that masamune is probably overcompensating, but… I have to admit even I wouldn’t immediately say no…

But I’m not drawing attention to sexless villains because I want to discuss Sephiroth’s topless antics, I’m noting it because it creates a sort of weird moral for the player. I discussed this at length in my Persona 5 review (warning: link contains spoilers/animes), but, given our current political climate, I feel like we, as a people, have a hard time identifying “bad guys” if they’re not moustache twirling supervillains. One of these factors is the obvious “Trump isn’t so bad, he hasn’t summoned a meteor to destroy us all and ascend to godhood” excuse, but the other is that we have a tendency to completely dehumanize our bad guys in media. Kefka is a great villain, but he is just about as likely to be seen on the street as It. Ultimecia terrorizes the entire world of Final Fantasy 8 for ages (even upending some of its political institutions), but it all comes down to trying to capture one random girl for time travel antics (or something). Nobody wants to just score a mint in real estate deals at the expense of millions suffering; completely impractical global conquest or annihilation has to be on the table for some reason. And villains don’t do anything human while they’re working on their wicked plans.

While Wild Arms 2 still has a limited “graduated 16-bit JRPG” perspective on storytelling, I appreciate the little details that humanize Vinsfeld. He had a rough day, his favorite turtle got trashed, time to bring it in, and bang a redhead. I’m not saying this is somehow noble (and we’ll get into Antenora’s perspective on the situation later), but it does come off as human. And we could use a few more human villains. Helps us identify the other bad guys we might see around.

And on that note, we’ll close for… Oh, wait!



I always forget about this: we’re fast forwarding a bit, but you can revisit Halmetz after the prison experiment. There’s not really a reason to do it, plot wise, but it’s worth a trip.



Halmetz would be a fine opportunity for that one JRPG mechanic where you’re always repairing the town or sending aid or…. Nah. Sounds annoying. Let’s cherish our rubble.



Just nice to visit some villagers with PTSD. Actually, the main reason to hit Halmetz is because it has a fully stocked equipment shop, and it’s been a while since we’ve seen an upgrade.



But you can also discover another fun monster pyramid.



At least this fellow offers a helpful hint on how you might unlock these pyramids.

Okay, now that’s it for today. Join us next time to see some Knight Blazer fall-out and the introduction of the greatest character finds of 2000.

Next time on Wild Arms 2: Ard ard, ard ard ard. Ard ard ard ard. Ard? Ard ard ard ard ard!

ALRIGHT I'M ALL CAUGHT UP ON THIS ONCE AGAIN.

U LP'IN: QUALITY.

The thought I always had about Knight Blazer was that whoever did the loc was a big fan of Knight Rider, saw the black and red color scheme and decided that "Knight of Lord Blazer" or whatever it was in JP was too lame and boring to translate straight.

I really like the animated gifs you've been making for this LP. What's your secret?

Are you asking how to make a GIF, or how WA2 provides ample opportunity for cool little GIF-y animations?

If he's not asking that first one, I will.

Yeah, more the first one. The second one is the job of your LP!

Oh crap I missed a few updates. Uh.

I blame the moving of the LP subforum. While this is the best spot for it, I got so used to looking for updates while browsing the TV games forum that once it was gone from there it just slipped my mind.

Music-wise, there's only a few tracks to highlight from the past few updates:

During Vinsfeld's big announcement to the whole entire world about his new terrorist organization, seemingly unworried about painting a giant target on his forehead, we hear the confusingly-titled Battle Robot Jack. As far as I know this track is unique to this one cutscene and is never played again. WA2 does reuse a lot of its OST throughout the game, but there are tracks here and there that are one-and-done, like this one.

But why on earth is it called Battle Robot Jack?? I've never understood that. Goggle B., I task you with either finding that out or coming up with an entertaining enough lie.

Meanwhile we meet the cast of villainous characters that make up Odessa's primary henchmen, and they get their own battle theme as well, Battle vs Ptolomea and his fun friends Cocytus. I've always found this battle track to be simultaneously menacing and a little goofy.

(EDIT: Nearly forgot, the aforementioned 'sad victory theme' whenever you pulverize a non-monster is New Entrances)

Finally, for when Ashley transforms into the Red Ranger the battle theme changes to Battle: Knight Blazer, which will replace whatever battle theme happens to be playing at the time while that form is active, even boss themes. During my playthrough I would occasionally not use it because I didn't want it to replace some of my favorite battle themes.

Completely unrelated, we may or may not have yet another new battle theme next time!

You better believe Battle Robot Lizard is go!

Previously on Wild Arms: ARMS fell into a devious trap, but they were able to escape thanks to the twin deus ex machinas of Marivel and Ashley turning into a friggen superhero. Lucky, that.



And I guess everybody needed a breather.



Okay, so, funny thing going on with Wild Arms 2 versus Xenosaga. I was really good about doing weekly Xenosaga posts. Part of the reasoning on that was that I was concerned that if I didn’t “keep at it”, I’d never make it through three long games. But, on the other hand, part of that was that Xenosaga kind of naturally flowed forward, and it was genuinely interesting watching to see what would happen next. Wild Arms 2, meanwhile, has a lot of… sticking points. It’s not that the game is bad or boring or whatever, it’s simply that, for instance, once I see that yet again we have to stand around and talk to Irving about our next mission or whatever… I kind of check out. So, sorry for any delays in this Let’s Play, it’s mostly because the opening bits of Wild Arms 2 are very repetitive and obvious. I don’t think Jesus is going to show up in this story at all!



But before we get into the latest Irving nonsense, we have a little flashback to sometime within the last three days. Guess Ashley got shore leave for saving a kingdom.



“The places I’ve seen! The monster goo I now need to wash out of my hair!”



Absence makes the Ashley grow fonder.



“Much better than murdering all my friends that transformed into monsters!”



“Brad… and… whatsherface…. The girl? You met her!”



“I’ve saved like two towns now! How many we got on this planet? Eight?”



Ever seen Spider-Man 2? Or 3? Which one is the one where MJ is a complete wet blanket?



“Oh yeah! That reminds me! Brad and the girl were hung on crosses! It was so weird!”



Marina doesn’t want Ashley to be sacrificed. There. Now we’ve covered that for the 78th time.



“Oh, right. That rock I gave you. Am I supposed to be thinking at it?”



Please go back and reread update #5 if you forgot that this whole “who is Ashley” thing is a recurring conversation.



There’s something… odd about Marina… or Marina’s writing. It’s almost like nobody wanted to go all in on Marina being a complete “nag” about the whole “please don’t die” thing, so she usually winds up apologizing at the end of her Ashley-concern tirades. I can’t tell if this is a deliberate move to make Marina more sympathetic to the player, or if it’s just kind of… realistic. Look, I don’t know about you, but I have apologized for being justifiably mad at someone roughly twelve billion times in any given relationship.



And Ashley has his own secrets. Just go ahead and say it: “I may be possessed by a pair of dueling ancient entities, and they combine to transform me into a power ranger.”



“I’m just gonna play some GunGrave and fall asleep. Don’t worry about it.”



“Lilka! That was her name!”



“Were you daydreaming about incredibly mundane conversations?”
“Yes.”



“Ashley Winchester…. Detention!”



“Hey! You with the hat! Who are you again?”



Marivel is easily the most humble person in this room. Probably most humble person on the planet. Maybe the universe.



“She probably would have been useful when I made you activate those teleport stations, but she doesn’t usually wake up until dinner time.”



This is clearly a misattributed line. Either that, or Irving has a self depreciating split personality.



And Marivel once again alludes to knowing Ashley from some unseen time.



“Or will you finally realize... that you are The Black Knight, ‘KnightBlazer?’”

Bingo has a name-o.

CONTINUED NEXT POST

“What, did you think we were going to call you Super Ashley or something?”



So, for anyone that didn’t catch the clues presented when Ashley first transformed, the deal here is that Ashley was possessed by a demon during the ARMS Ceremony, but then he absorbed the Argetlahm (magic sword), and the yin and yang transformed him into a magic black knight. In the American version, they just say “the demon” and leave the player to piece together that the other half of this equation is Lord Blazer, the big bad of prophecy. In the Japanese version, it’s much more obvious that “The Knight of Lord Blazer” has a direct connection to Lord Blazer. I mean, it’s still kinda apparent in the American version, but KnightBlazer could just be a cool sounding name on its own. It’s not like the Burning Rangers are actually on fire.



“Oh, good, because there’s been this other voice in my head that…”
“Moving on.”
“Awwww, nertz.”



“You are possessed by two diametric forces that are waging war for the fate of humanity. But don’t worry about it. Anybody wanna go out for ham dingers?”



Oh, Ashley is finally going to call Marivel on the whole… everything.



Or… not.



I really thought Irving vetted his employees better. Wait, no, he didn’t even know ARMS hire #2 was dead.



Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.



This is the kind of thinking that leads to guardians stomping all over Hyrule, Marivel.



Bit early in the LP for an airship, but I’ll take it.



Kind of a conflict in…



Oh, thanks Lilka.



So the next mission is a damn fetch quest for two magic rocks. Great. We just introduced the big bads and the magical chosen one powers of Ashley, and now we’re off to random caves for random rocks. Dammit, Wild Arms.



TO BE CLEAR: The EMMA motor is not named for someone named Emma. That would be silly.



“No, it’s a pair of rocks. Pay attention.”



Lilka is imagining soaring through the heavens on a magic carpet.



“Aguelite Crystal is mined near the Town of Holst. A few Germatron Crystals are supposed to be left in the shut-down Raline observatory.”

We actually get a choice of locations next. Choose your own adventure!



Basically, the whole point of the last mission was to allow us to teleport to the next mission. ARMS is a flat circle.



“An egregious affront to us who rule the world! I'll take those Odessa scoundrels down a peg or two!”

Marivel… is there something you want to tell us?



Legitimate question for anyone who hasn’t already played Wild Arms 2: Have you guessed Marivel’s deal yet? It becomes really obvious in retrospect, but the game is kind of slow with the reveal.



Anyway, time to wander off and find some rocks.



As mentioned, we have a choice of destinations. We can either go to the mine, which contains a new tool, new monsters, and an ideal way to level up close to a town/inn, or we can go to the observatory, which introduces the best characters in the franchise.



Ha ha, this isn’t even a choice.



Quick beam around the planet…



And here we are on the other side of the world at Dragon’s Vein, a location so named because we will eventually find a dragon somewhere around here.

CONTINUED NEXT POST

Dragon’s Vein seems to be the implied “second choice”, as it’s a lot easier to get lost on this side of the planet compared to the easier-to-find mines. Somehow I walked all the way around the teleporter temple and found nothing.



And there are random monsters around here that know instant death spells. That’s never fun!



This giant suspicious mountain? Nothing. No observatory at all.



Here we are. Raline Observatory is back near some nondescript, slightly smaller mountains. What is being observed here, again?



Raline Observatory is a vaguely “technological” looking location. There will be a couple of places that use this general tileset across the game, but I think this is the first. (Telepath Tower looked kind of unique with its gears and whatnot.)



Somebody’s in trouble!



And ARMS ain’t buying it. An interesting thing happens here: we’re about to introduce the comic relief “villains” of the piece, and the party recognizes it immediately. Team Rocket wouldn’t last ten seconds against ARMS.



Ashley advises we just immediately give up. It’s so cool being a hero, Marina.



But ARMS proceeds, and a boss introduction begins.



But no boss quite yet. Well, kind of, as we can see the boss right there, but it’s otherwise occupied by kicking… lizard people?



Same to you, pal.



“Everything about this is confusing!”



To be clear: Wild Arms 2 does not take place on a Dragon Ball or Shovel Knight-esque planet with random furries. There are only humans and monsters, and never the twain shall meet. There are not supposed to be lizard people. But, here we are.



It is kind of rude to just leave them there eating boot.



Bah, I guess we better save ‘em.



So here’s Undines (sic).



It looked bigger on the map screen, not the battle screen, for once.



Do not try to figure out why Undines’ “throw a rock” attack is named “Intifada”. That way lies madness.



So, despite its size, Undines is kind of a difficult boss. In general, you’re probably better off leveling up in the other dungeon, and then returning here, as this boss moves fast and hits hard. Oh, and you’ll note that we encountered this boss at the start of the dungeon, so you can’t just unload all your ARM ammo, as you need to conserve it for the inevitable “real” boss of the area. It is goofy looking, but Undines might be the first difficult boss of WA2.



And just to be an extra jerk, Undines has a dispel spell for any buffs you might use. At least it has a cool name.



Of course, I’m a cheating bastard for this LP, so no troubles here.



So, first thing we’re going to learn this update: Wild Arms 2 has a really wonky translation, but it’s theoretically deliberate any time a lizard is talking. These lizard folks, spoilers, are literal aliens, so give ‘em a break. Filgaian isn’t their first language.



And Ashley has no time for this nonsense.



Started a couple days back, buddy.



Lack of communication…

CONTINUED NEXT POST

This is an easy to remember name.



And Ard here is a Pokémon.



Inflection is important.



Maybe he’s been Ard’s trainer for a long time?



“We got an R2-D2 thing going on. Don’t worry about it.”



Science!



SCIENCE!



I guess scientists are jerks.



But it looks like we’re getting some new party members regardless.



See? Now it is the beginning of a fantastic story!



Ashley relents.



Well, see? He’s got a great résumé.



And Ard is Ard!



Introducing Liz and Ard! First of all, it is entirely appropriate that the best image I could find of the duo is clearly some manner of partially cropped and scrubbed official art that got reposted on RPGFan. Liz is only 3 ft. tall? With hood? Huh.

Liz is an unparalleled genius with seventeen doctorates and a penchant for always saying the exact right thing at the exact right moment. He is from another planet, and on said planet, he is evidently some manner of philosopher king. He has many girlfriends on his home planet (you don’t know any of them), and he has had the sex on multiple occasions. Liz also once won a fighting tournament before going on to win a pianist contest, which is a thing that happens on his home planet. Liz was gifted his kicky scarf and rad hood by the previous king of his planet, an act that would prove Liz is the greatest in all the universe.

Ard has a hat with spikes on it.

Together, they are the greatest friends a merc could ever have.



Sadly, Liz and Ard only join in spirit. Like Young ARMS earlier, they’re “here”, but they’re not party members.



Okay! Now let’s explore the observatory!



We don’t get very far before we hit our first insurmountable obstacle. We don’t have a thing for crossing these gaps, and the switch is way over there.



But Liz has a plan!



… Oh… Kay?



Please!



Yay! The friendship cross!



Now that’s a dual tech!



And then we can cross the newly materialized bridge to… retrieve Liz.



Yes. That is how I would describe this situation.



Moving on, the next area is just a basic hallway, and random battles present… this thing?

CONTINUED NEXT POST

There is not a single thing about this dungeon that is not entirely too weird. I love it.



And now for this room.



Whoa, okay, bit of a crushing trap there.



Okay, we know what’s going to happen. Anyone have a plan?



True. I think.



That did work with the guillotines.



It’s not exactly eloquent, but a giant green lizard running with that purple hood thing… yeah, I could see it.



Oops.



Liz assists by… cheering on his trapped buddy.



A hero’s job is never done.



Welp, tried kicking him, and that didn’t work.



The solution is to drag a random statue into place.



And, once freed, Ard has a few things to say about his previous predicament.



Oh, guess it was more straightforward than that.



Ashley ain’t buying it.



That isn’t a real place! On this fake planet!



The internet's motto!



Moving on… now we get a little actual dungeon, and some real, live treasure. Good thing this hat won’t fit a lizard.



And back to hijinks.



ARMS figures out the solution pretty quickly.



I guess Liz is into it, too.



Ashley is so done with this whole thing.



Friendship cross!



Can you still rhyme after a concussion?



Liz is over there. We’re over here. That’s okay.

CONTINUED NEXT POST

Lilka has… concerns.



Haha, medusa joke! Let’s not try to figure out which Filagaia myths match up with our world.



Pictured: Goggle Bob awaiting replies to any of his posts.



Man, I wish away messages were still a thing.



So I guess we have to find a way to reconnect with Liz. This will take a little traveling.



Save point! Yay!



This dungeon gives you a teleport gem without any fuss. Guess you’re not expected to walk back.



Still haven’t gotten back to Liz, but there is a very simple block puzzle along the way.



Huh. This path is a dead end with a rather suspicious face on the wall. I suppose we’ll need the knowledge of a genius to solve this puzzle.



Speaking of puzzles, now we have to move two blocks to make a bridge.



Do not block yourself in like an idiot!



One bridge later, and we’ve got a switch to rescue one lizardian.



Oh dear God no.



…. Isn’t Liz supposed to be the obtuse one?



Back to the face room.



Simple enough.



Will the throwing knife work? Guess not.



That’s what you’re here for, Liz!



Score another one for science!



Ashley… has a guess on where this is going to go.



Of course Liz isn’t going to do it himself. I mean, that’s why you have an assistant.



Ard properly flips the switch… but he seems to be having some trouble.



Timmy’s trapped down a well?



Did Liz just forget his buddy’s monosyllabic name?



Liz!

CONTINUED NEXT POST

Ashley draws the line at lizard on lizard violence!



Liz has a long memory.



So the party resolves to save Ard with a mighty kick despite Liz’s homicidal objections.



I don’t think Ashley is going to officially invite Liz to join ARMS anytime soon.



Moving on!



A place like that…



Liz knows his place.



Science!



Lost Liz again.



Don’t care.



More basic dungeon walking, less dungeon talking.



More weird monsters about. Stop doing a handstand and get back to battling!



Hey, a new Arm!



Bolt Action is a stab followed by a missile. It looks cool, but it’s just another “slightly more powerful attack” Arm. Not like it “technically” hits twice or anything.



Huh. Dungeon seems to be leading downward. Maybe we’ll reencounter our little buddy.




Ashley has a dry sense of humor.



Maybe Liz is broken?



Maybe he’s just coldblooded.



Only one way to rouse this lizard. Stabbing!



Foreshadowing?



Sorry, we don’t have a “shout” tool.



Liz is either a genius or naturally resilient.



“Do your job!”



Okay, definitely foreshadowing.

CONTINUED NEXT POST

The switch deactivates our last obstacles, and it’s time to rejoin Liz and move forward.



Germatron get! Mission half completed!



I think it was more Marivel, but whatever.



Is it only fair if we split ‘em? I mean, we don’t know what Liz needs these for. Maybe he wants to help repair an orphanage for wayward lizards or…



Oh.



I think he just told you…



Once more for the people in the back.



What? You’re not even good at controlling your own monsters?



“You guys saved me from death, so I owe you, but the Germatron... Never. Or else I'd be pursued by dangerous men. This is proof of my loyalty to Odessa.”

Uh-oh.



Oh no! Who could… Wait a tick.



I think Liz got his reveal reversed here.



Liz is upset!



Very upset!



You always knew it would come to this!



Liz starts the battle by using an item on Ard that… poisons him. I hope it raised some stats, too. Well, I mean, I hope for Ard. I feel kind of bad for that guy.



So this fight is pretty tough. It’s also fairly crazy. Basically, Ard is the straightforward muscle, which is to be expected. Liz, meanwhile, will use moves that damage everybody… and I mean everybody. His normal homemade bomb attack will damage the entire party and Liz and Ard. This would be a tremendous boon if the party had a reliable “heal all” spell, but, at this point, you’re still stuck with Lilka’s mystic + heal berry, which is limited by her FP. Basically you have to survive long enough to outpace all this damage while attacking two different targets. My advice is to aim for one target and not let up until somebody falls down dead.



Though it’s not like anybody involved gets any respect.



I took down Ard first, but the key to winning this battle is to fell at least one lizardian quickly. Liz is still a fine choice.



Lizardians do not dissolve when defeated.



See? They are resilient.



Well, at least they apologized.



I… think.



Know your enemies!



By “guys” you mean “lizards”.



And we’re teleported outside. One crystal down! Now we get to go to the boring dungeon!

Next time on Wild Arms: The boring dungeon! Wait… I should have rearranged these updates to keep people interested. Um… there will be explosions?

Translation notes: Raline is almost certainly supposed to be Leyline Observatory, which ties into the Dragon's Vein (which is another term for leylines).

HELL YES GUNGRAVE.

I'm assuming she's a Vampire.

Nah, she's obviously a noble of some kind.

And herein lies a joke that only the people who remember playing this will get.

i would still really love the answer to this

I've been waiting for this update, these jokers truly are the best.

Regarding the translation here, I've always been under the impression (and I can't recall where I heard this, only somewhere on 'the internet' so it has to be true) that in the JP script Liz and Ard (mostly Liz) spoke almost entirely in puns, and whenever the party encountered them they started speaking in puns too because ha ha puns are contagious, and when the game was localized they just translated the puns literally which... give us all that ridiculous dialogue and had the entire party mysteriously talking nonsense whenever those lizard guys showed up.

This might not be the correct explanation for some of those lines, but it makes as much sense as anything.

Anyway, music time! Just two tracks, but they're tracks of high importance.

Like a lot of comic relief villains, Liz and Ard have their own theme music titled, well, Liz and Ard (or, Toka and Ge in this Youtube link, which is their Japanese names, as Tokage means Lizard.) It's oddly shamisen-heavy (at least I think that's a shamisen?), which stands out in an OST where more wild west sounding instruments are prominent.

And there's the appropriately titled Battle vs Liz and Ard which plays whenever you fight these jokers (spoilers this is not the only time you fight these jokers). Also shamisen-heavy (I think, see above), but as if addressing my previous observation this track also starts off with that... wild west whistle sound. Whatever it's properly called. You know the one. They're two sounds that you wouldn't think would fit together, but they do for this track, and that's suitable for these characters I guess!

Non-OST music talk, I always liked the remix of Battle vs Liz and Ard from Wild ARMS Rocking Heart.

Sorry about the delay, but, ya know, Power Moons don't collect themselves.

Previously on Wild Arms: In a shocking turn of events, Liz & Ard betrayed ARMS. Fortunately, our heroes persisted, and they acquired half of their daily required magical rocks.



Now it’s time to beat feet back to the teleporter to find an all new chunk of granite.



What’s yours is mine.



Quick bop around the world…



And here we are at the Ruins Mine Teleporation Station. If it seems convenient that the ancient teleporters just happen to coincide with the locations we need to rob, recall that we are heisting ancient materials, and, what, Filgaiains of yesteryear were just supposed to walk to their magic rocks?



Unlike the path to the Raline Observatory, this spot is a small island, and it’s nearly impossible to get lost.



And here’s our destination. Don’t be confused by all this talk of mines: our target is technically a town this time.



Poor mining town ahoy. I want to say that this is our last “real” Western town, but don’t hold me to that.



Well, at least we’re good for the monsters thing.



We haven’t had a fill-up since two boss fights ago, so the inn is our first destination.



And because I’m neurotic about employing my favorite Booty Call everywhere, we discover a hidden treasure… in bed. It’s just like the fortune cookie and my friend Vinnie said!



Hey! It’s a tool! That is absolutely essential!



Brad now has the ability to be the all-new, all-different Bomberman!



Basic Bomberman/Zelda rules here, except standing on a bomb will absolutely not hurt you. Other than that, lay up to four bombs wherever you want, wait for the boom, and maybe something has been exploded.



The next house over has a clue for acquiring bombs, but that’s only necessary if you don’t already have OCD.



You notice how Irving just said “get rock” and not “get this much rock”? That’s how you know you’re in a JRPG.



Go to the inn and get explosives! We get it!



Okay, time to hit the local mine. All that is really left in this town is a lackluster weapon shop and maybe another kid talking about bombs.



I WONDER IF WE’LL FIND AGUELITE HERE!?



Say what you will about modern JRPG design, but I feel like we didn’t see a decent cave dungeon until well into the 21st Century. I love you, Chrono Trigger, but skipping Heckran’s lair would change nothing.



Fighting monsters and mining! Living the Holst dream!

Oh, and see that Galeion on the side? They’re effectively metal slimes: they’ve got a pile of experience, but they’ll run at the first sign of trouble. Aim there first!



If you somehow missed the bombs tool (they’re in the inn. Did you get that?), these rocks will stop your progress cold. Also note the subtle design bit that they’re arranged in a manner that would make pushing impossible… I mean, assuming they could be pushed at all.



But with bombs, they ain’t no thang.



This looks like an interesting fork, but, no, just off camera are two dead ends. Cave-in or poorly designed mine? You decide.



This area doesn’t have a boss, but there are Leprechauns about, and that’s never good. Basically, these creatures are convinced you swiped their lucky charms, and will always attack the party with a surprise ambush to get the first turn. Then, they’ll use confusion status attacks to really ruin your day. And they’re level 40 for some inexplicable reason. In other words, they’re a giant pain in the ass, so be careful.



They are kinda cute, though.

CONTINUED NEXT POST

Another fork. This time there is actually a choice.



And it’s one of those choices I hate! One path leads to a few heal berries and a crest graph treasure, and the other path just leads you further on, with no indication that backtracking might yield goodies. 50/50 chance you instinctively choose the rewards, 50/50 chance you never know you chose poorly.



Now back to the other path.



This save point is named Saving Grace, as it is the most important save point in the game for completionist nerds.



The abandoned mine contains another, smaller abandoned mine.



There’s a switch to the left there, but we’re going to take the caution hint and explore right. See! This is how you do a fork!



Little bit of walking…



Had to blow up a doorway…



Here we are: one of the absolute hardest bosses in the series. We can’t touch the sucker right now, but suffice it to say we will return and defeat Wild Arms’ Omega Weapon eventually.



But this trip isn’t a waste for anyone looking for postgame content, we’ve also got a new Brad Arm available.



Missiles for everybody! … Still don’t know what “AM” stands for, though.



Oh, thanks.



Okay, now let’s double back and pull the switch.



Welcome to flavor country.



Oooooor more boring mine hallways.



Now this looks interesting.



This pile driver (Zangief not included) is not kick operated.



But this is the bomb dungeon, so let’s give that a shot.



Oh! Actual ruins! I thought the mine was just in bad shape.



Block-like object. That is blocking progress.



Bomb dungeon, so, ya know, just keep throwing bombs at it until the “puzzle” is solved.



This is a really complicated way of saying “use the bombs again, mate.”



But quickly.



That’ll do.



Three rooms worth of ruins, and we’ve found our prize. I do appreciate that the unseen ancients apparently used the same treasure chests we find randomly in modern cities.

PEDANTRY CONTINUED NEXT POST

It is a rock that produces energy and… Okay, fine, nobody here is a scientist.



“Lilka, you’re super dense, could you power a city?”



Brad decides to get philosophical for a moment.



Brad decides to get depressing for a moment.



It’s a nice compliment, but Lilka said the same thing to a cereal box yesterday.



Brad… is still really depressing, but we’ll find out there’s a reason for that later. Well, a reason besides being imprisoned for years for leading a failed uprising. Related reason, I suppose.



Oh, right, we’re handing these super rocks that a lizard could use to make super monsters to a guy that doesn’t exactly scream trustworthy. Oh well, he’s pretty rich, I bet he wouldn’t do anything to harm the planet.



Says the guy who can turn into a jet black monster with a fire sword.



We’re only about 20% into a JRPG, so, no, no it absolutely will not.



“Hey, do you think the next mission will, like, be at the beach?”
“Nope, that trope won’t become mandatory for another five years or so.”



We’re teleported back to the entrance of the mine (but not the world map). There isn’t anything to do in this stink town, though, so time to head on home.



So we had two dungeons. One introduced new characters, was a nigh-constant stream of dialogue and simple puzzles, and included two bosses. The other dungeon was practically entirely silent, introduced a new tool that was the solution to everything, and included zero bosses. Weird choices all around.



Oh, and these little fetch quests did practically nothing to advance the Odessa narrative. We simply learned that Liz and Ard are members of Odessa. Which is more of an excuse of “why are these goofy bad guys bad” than anything.



Much though I love our favorite lizards, this little bit of game could be completely cut, and nothing would be lost.



I mean, Liz and Ard (and to a lesser extent, the bombs tool) have to appear somewhere, but they don’t have to be associated with a pair of lame fetch quests just when the plot was getting interesting.



Oh! We’re home!



“Universal death weapon.”
“Oh.”



“I don’t know, it’s magic.”



Eat it, Wild Arms 1.



Lilka is the audience surrogate/an idiot.



“Go play with your blocks.”



“Or stand motionless in this room while the protagonist visits his girlfriend.”



Marivel is confident.



Wassat?



Oh, we just stole some ancient rocks to power magical tech, and next on the agenda is recruiting gods. Irving better be a good guy (he’s not).

CONTINUED NEXT POST

“Turns out this whole ‘prayers’ thing actually works. Who knew!?”



Ashley is already preparing to crack.



Irving! Not helping!



It’s how you refill your HP!



We only have control of Ashley for this segment, so that means…



Getting yelled at by Marivel. Wait, no, that isn’t right.



Yes! That!



Something on your mind, Lilka?



On the walk back to town, you will note that somebody forgot to update the NPCs on your successful mission. Which reminds me!

ARMS Mission #7:
Grab some magical crystals to power some magical machine
Status: Success!
Notes: We may have made powerful, reptilian enemies.



Home sweet home.



And men in strange hats are menacing children! This is not how you play tag!



“These wimps had problems with a kitten! A kitten!”



And Tony claims this attack is completely unwarranted… which, come to think of it, I don’t know how this trio of orphans even eat. There a Meria Orpharium I’m missing here? I’m saying these urchins are probably rotten thieves. Get ‘em!



Or run away. That’s good, too.



“This is Kate. Your next mission is to kill three rogue teens that have been terrorizing a local town.”



“Is it a bird?”
“It’s the size of a town.”
“A big bird?”



“Also, that’s the only flying machine we know of in the entire world. Also! Sometimes I forget to translate things!”



“I was going to teach these kids to play Apples to Apples and… Oh, never mind, I guess.”



“I can get up on the roof, if that helps.”
“It doesn’t.”



“Yes, it’s the entire plan, stupid.”



“Ashley, how do you feel about giant slingshots?”



“I haven’t even seen my not-girlfriend yet!”



… What?



Inexplicable anime-scene pan up from town to…



Scary death ship!

CONTINUED NEXT POST

Your pilots for this air battle.



What is the Pillar? Or Who? And do strange men with hats want the Pillar, too?



Supervillains always travel with their monster luggage.



Cryogenically frozen for shipping convenience.



“Stop playing with your stupid monsters!”



“Could you please just let me have a little fun? That maybe gets everyone killed? Please?”



Yay! Mom said it was okay!



Guess who thawed out!



Ashley assumes that his companions do not have eyes.



Is this just a coincidence, or does the Chateau really have 50 or so areas?



Recall that we were ushered out of the area by the receptionist twins earlier.



Wait… what?



Valeria Chateau has a… command center? And we’ve been wasting all our time in that lousy boardroom?



Amy, you are like looking in a mirror.



“No, seriously, where the hell are we?”



“We already got that!”



“The deck? I still have no idea where we are right now!”



“You keep saying that!”



What? Now we’ve got an earthquake to deal with?



Ooooooooooh.



Going up?



Yep, Valeria Chateau is secretly an airborne castle. The main base for the protagonists is a mobile, flying fortress. This is the coolest thing to ever appear in a JRPG. The sheer amount of creativity and…





I guess the deck is just an exit? Why didn’t Irving just say that!?



Alphael is cool, but rude.

CONTINUED NEXT POST

So whatcha got for us, Alf?



Not much! Alphael isn’t really that difficult. Liz & Ard are clearly the bigger threat in this organization.



This is another situation where you will face simple attacks from a particular body part, and if you happen to kill said body part…



Then you get the laser breath. Worth noting is that this monster is one of those rare unicorns that is actually light elemental. Uh… that isn’t a turn of phrase, I’m saying that unicorns are pretty damn shiny on their own. There’s like a whole cartoon about that.



And here’s your reminder that Ashley has the ability to turn into a superhero when his FP maxes out. For most playthroughs, this is a must for any boss battle.



Here is a laser sword that I forgot to feature last time Knight Blazer showed up. Was it worth the wait?



Please look away when slaughtering any and all light-based monsters.



Since Ashley no longer has crazy brain problems after transforming, Knight Blazer has his own victory animation. Go Team Kill Everybody!



It would cost too much to animate the rest of The Great Air Battle of Whatever, so we’re back on the ground with Young ARMS.



Let’s learn about strange adults that chase children. Let’s ignore that they inexorably just saw a freaking castle fly into the sky.



“What’s up, nerds?”



-Not a secret-



Well nobody wants your stupid lack of powers, Tony. Go build an iron suit about it.



A quick nod to the instant scene transition of a moment ago, which I guess means...

ARMS Mission #8:
The Town of Meria Air War!
Status: Success!
Notes: Lasted all of five minutes.



“Anyway, Irving said we’re going to talk to gods, and you have a strange glowy power, so, ya know, probably related. Come with me if you want to live.”



Or you were the medium all along. Whatever. Doesn’t matter. Get in the robot, Timmy.



Tim takes a moment to consider, and then instantly decides to leave the absolutely nothing that he has here. Tony and Scott? You’re crap.



And away we go! What nefarious plan does Irving have awaiting Tim? Find out next time!

But first, let’s talk about how hilariously terrible it must have been to do anything remotely cinematic on the Playstation. There’s a simple camera switch here, but if you slow down the video, you’ll note that there are two Lilkas for a moment.



I am basing this on nothing other than my own knowledge of coding, but I am absolutely guessing that, in order to instantly “flip” the camera, the asymmetrical sprites on either side of Ashley had to be “flipped” to match the change in perspective, and, for a second, Lilka Left and Lilka Right have to exist (and Brad is shunted to another universe). You wouldn’t notice it unless you were taking the game frame by frame, but, hey, what else is a Let’s Play for?

Next time on Wild Arms: A pillar of the community (that must be killed).

(Also, the GIF tutorial is coming soon, too)

I dunno about cutting that whole fetch quest, it would've been fine if they just cut Bomb dungeon and left the Liz and Ard section. Maybe put the Bombs there as well, perhaps Liz uses them to accidentally blow himself Ard up or something.

This track has probably popped up before now but it's hard to keep track of which town has what BGM by memory alone, but I'm certain Holst uses the alternate town BGM Western Village which, appropriately, is crazy western-sounding.